UPDATE---He passed. My father is dying and it feels so surreal

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Posted 10/27/2012 by Gsquaredmom in NSBR Board
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PeaNut 259,367
April 2006
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Posted: 10/27/2012 8:28:13 PM
UPDATE: My father passed away peacefully, surrounded by family, this evening (11/18/12). Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.


I feel like I am in-between.

We just found out he has Stage 4 Glioblastoma, the most aggressive brain cancer there is, along with bleeding and ischemic strokes caused by the tumor.

This is on top of advanced Parkinson's Disease. I have medical POA, so have been dealing with that for three years. Over the last couple of days, we have had to plan a funeral, sit with him through lucid and hallucinatory periods, and look at end-of-life-care options, such as hospice. We got him on a list, and can only hope a bed opens soon. But I feel bad that my hope for a bed relies on the end of someone else's life and sorrow for another family.

I am exhausted.

I am sad.

I am relieved that he will not meet his end through Parkinson's, but rather something swift and most likely painless.

I was always my dad's buddy and helper. Today, I told him his work here was done. He said there is more work to do. I told him, no, that he was done, and any work that was left to do, I would finish. Today, I told him that if he sees his parents, Bob, Aggie, or Millie (his siblings) or God, that he should go. Today, I reminded him that I would always take care of him. He told me he wanted to sleep, and I told him it was OK to sleep and that I would come back tomorrow.

My mother is losing her husband of over 52 years. Five children are losing their father, and four grandchildren are losing Grandpa.

He will not turn 81 in January.

It all feels surreal. Waiting. Knowing. Just being in-between.

Please pray or just have good thoughts as he and my family go through this.


PeaNut 490,277
December 2010
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Posted: 10/27/2012 8:30:36 PM
I am so sorry. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family.
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PeaNut 97,528
July 2003
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Posted: 10/27/2012 8:30:57 PM
I'm so sorry. Prayers for peace and comfort. Soon your father will be wrapped in the loving embrace of our Father.

Prayers for you and your mom.

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PeaNut 257,022
April 2006
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Posted: 10/27/2012 8:31:45 PM
So sorry that you are having to go through this. Prayers for your family and your Dad. It is so hard to have to let go of the ones that we love. (((HUG)))

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PeaNut 417,489
March 2009
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Posted: 10/27/2012 8:32:23 PM
I'm so, so sorry. I'll have already said a prayer, and will continue to pray for your father and your family.


PeaNut 82,382
April 2003
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Loc: southeastern Wisconsin

Posted: 10/27/2012 8:32:29 PM
I can't imagine what you are all going through right now. Your post brought me to tears...especially how you told your dad that he can go, that you will finish his work and that his loved ones will come for him.
My prayers are with you.


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PeaNut 46,248
August 2002
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Loc: Ohio

Posted: 10/27/2012 8:33:21 PM
I'm so sorry

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PeaNut 20,301
August 2001
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Posted: 10/27/2012 8:34:51 PM
I am sorry for all your family is enduring. I remember when my dad was dying and yes, feeling in between is a good way to phrase it.

Hugs to you.

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PeaNut 146,346
May 2004
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Posted: 10/27/2012 8:35:02 PM
Your post has hit very close to home for me. My dad is 80 and has numerous health issues. Your story brings tears to my eyes.

Huge hugs and prayers that both of you
will find peace and comfort.

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Wise~old Pea

PeaNut 17,460
June 2001
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Posted: 10/27/2012 8:47:15 PM
Wishing your dad and your family peace and comfort through these difficult days.

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PeaNut 99,833
August 2003
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Posted: 10/27/2012 8:50:37 PM
Prayers lifted for you and your family and all those who love your Father. Yes, it is surreal. I'm so sorry you are losing your Dad and friend and I know he will miss his "little helper". I'm still my Daddy's little girl and he has been in heaven since 1992.

I wish you peace sooner, rather than later.

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PeaNut 35,457
April 2002
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Posted: 10/27/2012 8:52:57 PM
I am very sorry.

I fear losing my parents and don't know how anyone is ever ready for that.

Praying now for you and your family.

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PeaNut 174,226
October 2004
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Posted: 10/27/2012 8:55:56 PM
I am so sorry. It is so hard to lose a daddy. My dad also had five children and four grandchildren when he died in 1993. You are a good daughter and your dad loves you. Your family is in my prayers.


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PeaNut 29,166
February 2002
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Posted: 10/27/2012 8:56:14 PM
I am so very sorry.



PeaNut 500,569
February 2011
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Posted: 10/27/2012 9:02:19 PM
Hospice is a wonderful and amazing program. I know first hand. I just lost my Mom 2 days ago. I wish you peace and strength.

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PeaNut 374,795
May 2008
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Posted: 10/27/2012 9:05:32 PM
I am so very sorry.

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PeaNut 348,818
November 2007
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Posted: 10/27/2012 9:08:42 PM
I am very sorry for your pain. I lost my mom 2011. It was heartbreaking. Prayers of peace as you continue down this path.

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PeaNut 113,894
October 2003
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Posted: 10/27/2012 9:09:33 PM
I experienced a similar situation in 2009 with my dad. He was 71, had been battling dementia and Parkinson's for over 5 years, my sister and I shared medical decisions and POA for him and it was so sad to see him become a different person almost daily. When he experienced a fall and developed a hematoma (sp?), we began yet another journey into medical terms and experiences.

He only lived almost 2 months after the fall and my sister and I struggled between it being a blessing that he wouldn't continue living with dementia and Parkinson's but knowing we will miss him terribly.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this sad time. When my mom passed in 2004, hospice gave our family a booklet called "Gone from Your (or maybe it was My) Sight". It was a great comfort to us as we went through the stages of dying with her and then him with hospice.

Thinking of you!


Dancing to the end of love.

PeaNut 8,446
December 2000
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Posted: 10/27/2012 9:12:14 PM
Oh sweetie, your post brought tears to my eyes. I pray that your dad will have a peaceful ending. And that your family will be comforted and surrounded with love.


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PeaNut 43,034
July 2002
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Posted: 10/27/2012 9:13:37 PM
It is a surreal experience to lose a parent, and I'm sorry you are dealing with that now. My thoughts are with you.

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PeaNut 92,987
June 2003
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Posted: 10/27/2012 9:18:54 PM
I went though something similar in 1999 with my dad. P&PTs for your family at this most difficult time.

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PeaNut 286,312
December 2006
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Posted: 10/27/2012 9:19:14 PM
Can't read and run. (hugs)

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PeaNut 56,147
November 2002
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Posted: 10/27/2012 9:19:43 PM

it is so hard to lose a parent. it is obvious you love your father, and my thoughts are with you as you deal with the changes in life.



PeaNut 146,398
May 2004
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Posted: 10/27/2012 9:26:06 PM
I'm so sorry. God bless you and your dad as you both go through this journey. He's fortunate to have a daughter like you.

Prayers for chickenscrap, too!

janet r

PeaNut 22,327
October 2001
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Posted: 10/27/2012 9:26:25 PM
I am so sorry.

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 452,048
January 2010
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Posted: 10/27/2012 9:28:14 PM
Your post brought tears to my eyes. It sounds like you have had a wonderful relationship with your dad. I wish your family peace and comfort during this difficult time.


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PeaNut 417,049
March 2009
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Posted: 10/27/2012 9:31:59 PM
I am so very sorry.

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PeaNut 416,788
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Posted: 10/27/2012 9:32:43 PM

I am relieved that he will not meet his end through Parkinson's, but rather something swift and most likely painless.

Hold onto that. It helps you and it is absolutely true.

It all feels surreal. Waiting. Knowing. Just being in-between.


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PeaNut 465,236
April 2010
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Posted: 10/27/2012 9:32:48 PM
Oh I am so sorry (hugs)


PeaNut 30,940
February 2002
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Posted: 10/27/2012 9:34:34 PM
I'm sorry. Prayers being said for your dad, you and your family.

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PeaNut 171,402
October 2004
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Posted: 10/27/2012 9:36:22 PM
I am so very sorry for all you are going through.

Losing a parent is terribly hard.


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PeaNut 201,774
April 2005
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Posted: 10/27/2012 9:41:00 PM
I'm sorry. It's so hard to lose a parent, no matter what their age. Good luck, I hope it goes easily for him and for you.

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PeaNut 59,094
December 2002
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Posted: 10/27/2012 10:04:38 PM
I'm so sorry.

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PeaNut 273,328
August 2006
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Posted: 10/27/2012 10:11:58 PM
I'm so sorry and pray for a peaceful time for your family. My Dad passed away in January at 93 years old and I felt it was too early for him to go. It's always hard to loose a loved one.

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PeaNut 175,521
November 2004
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Posted: 10/27/2012 10:15:30 PM
I'm very sorry that you and your family are facing such a sad transition. Prayers for your father.

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PeaNut 41,779
July 2002
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Posted: 10/27/2012 10:16:55 PM
I am so sorry. Prayers.

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PeaNut 438,682
September 2009
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Posted: 10/27/2012 10:17:33 PM
I'm so sorry. ((hugs)) and prayers for you.


PeaNut 51,842
October 2002
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Posted: 10/27/2012 10:51:46 PM
I'm so sorry


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PeaNut 343,259
October 2007
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Posted: 10/27/2012 10:53:14 PM
I am sorry. You have/are doing an incredible job. You all will be in my prayers. Hugs.


PeaNut 30,457
February 2002
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Posted: 10/27/2012 10:57:40 PM
I am so very sorry. There are no words. I will pray for you and your family.

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PeaNut 266,242
June 2006
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Posted: 10/27/2012 11:05:27 PM
Hugs to you. I know how you feel. 11 days ago we buried my loving father in law the day before he would have turned 91. The pain is so hard but for us it was also a blessing.

Dad's death was a true testimony to a good man with strong beliefs. He turned to my husband and his sister and told them he needed to take a long journey. They told him it was okay to go on his journey and told him how much he was loved. Five minutes later he was gone.

It still brings tears to my eyes just thinking that I don't get to see him anymore. You will be heartbroken but you will also feel comfort in knowing he is without pain.

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PeaNut 29,130
February 2002
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Posted: 10/27/2012 11:08:45 PM
I'm so sorry. It's so difficult when you know it's best but it hurts so much.


PeaNut 81,972
April 2003
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Posted: 10/27/2012 11:11:04 PM
I am so very sorry you are going through this. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.


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PeaNut 40,938
June 2002
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Posted: 10/27/2012 11:20:37 PM
I'm so sorry. It does feel surreal. I've been through it w/both my parents and my dh's parents. You'll look back and remember this time, all the admin. hassles will fade but your time with him won't.

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PeaNut 56,444
November 2002
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Posted: 10/27/2012 11:43:09 PM
I feel your loss and pain.... Just lost my dad to leukemia 3 months ago. I too planned his funeral while we got him on hospice. As I look back now it seems like a bad dream, and some times I say to myself, did that really happen? I cant believe I sat by his bed side holding his hand praying for god to take my father quickly.

Yes, surreal is the perfect way to describe it. I'm so sorry for what you are going thru now, and what is to come. Surround yourself with loved ones and draw strength from your siblings. I will be praying for all of you.

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Al Ask A Pea

PeaNut 50,177
September 2002
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Posted: 10/27/2012 11:55:50 PM
My heart ache for you.


PeaNut 49,998
September 2002
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Posted: 10/27/2012 11:58:58 PM

I am so sorry! I pray for peace for your whole family and strength as you say goodbye.

A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and will sing it back to you when you forget the words.

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Sugar Snap Pea

PeaNut 257,999
April 2006
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Posted: 10/28/2012 12:01:31 AM
I'm so sorry. I know first hand how surreal it all is. I also know that your dad is very lucky to have you as his daughter.


PeaNut 315,499
May 2007
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Loc: Midwest

Posted: 10/28/2012 12:18:00 AM
I lost my dad 5 years ago last month. I am so sorry this is happening, and how amazing you are for being that person for him.
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Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 289,166
December 2006
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Loc: Southern California

Posted: 10/28/2012 12:20:32 AM
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I'm crying as I type this since it's a lot like I went through with my own dad. It's such a range of emotions since for us, his passing did bring a bit of relief. We knew he was no longer in pain.

If your dad has to go, I wish him a speedy passing and onto better things for him. It's been 12 years and I still miss my dad terribly. He was only 68!

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