Most awkward moment ever?

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Posted 11/13/2012 by gorgeouskid in NSBR Board

You gots to access your uncrazy side.

PeaNut 83,119
April 2003
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Posted: 11/13/2012 4:29:44 PM
Mine happened this weekend. I was helping my in-laws pack and move. FIL needs a little prodding to get stuff done, so I was directed to help him pack his bedside table. He handed me a stack of videos and DVDs and said, "This is my porn collection. Make sure it doesn't go into the Goodwill pile. It's some good stuff there!"

What's your most awkward moment ever?


PeaNut 326,405
July 2007
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Posted: 11/13/2012 4:57:12 PM
At a funeral a distant relative on my husbands side asked him when I was due.

I wasn't pregnant.Just fat.


PeaNut 341,236
October 2007
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Posted: 11/13/2012 5:02:54 PM

That's funny!!!

@ my Sis-in -laws funeral everyone was asking me to help silence their cell phone. I forgot to silence mine. Someone called. The ring tone? Wish you were here.

I felt horrible but her DD's told me it was a sign...They were very gracious.

Even with the snark, trolls and spelling police you are a great group of ladies!

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PeaNut 9,019
January 2001
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Posted: 11/13/2012 5:03:38 PM
Was he kidding?

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PeaNut 134,479
March 2004
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Posted: 11/13/2012 5:08:19 PM

He handed me a stack of videos and DVDs and said, "This is my porn collection. Make sure it doesn't go into the Goodwill pile. It's some good stuff there!"


A couple of years ago me & 2 of my teen/preteen boys were walking out of Target, about 10 yards behind a couple also walking into the parking lot. Apparently we used our remotes at the same time to unlock our cars, which were both gray SUVs parked a row away from each other. Imagine my surprise when they walked up to our car and the lady got in the passenger's side & threw her bags into the back seat! By that time me & my boys had caught up to them and were standing at the back of the car (looking at each other like "WTH do we do now" and trying not to burst out laughing) with the husband looking at us like we were creeping on them. I blurted out, "Uh this is our car." He looked at me, at the car, back at me, and tapped on the window signaling to his wife to get out. It took her a minute to figure it out and get out of the car, and she wouldn't make eye contact with me when they walked over to THEIR car.

We still laugh about that one.



PeaNut 446,722
November 2009
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Posted: 11/13/2012 5:21:57 PM
I once worked in a retirement home kitchen. It was like hundreds of apartments with a restaurant style dining room. Sometimes the residents would order room service and I had to deliver the food to their rooms. My orders were to knock, yell that I had their food, and then open the door and go in because otherwise I could be waiting a while for them to shuffle to the door.

So my first delivery of the night was a guy that ordered food every night. I did the usual knock, yell and opened the door except this particular day he had a "guest" and was sitting around in his tighty whities...and she was hastily putting on a bathrobe. There was a hasty "heres your food" followed by me making a quick retreat to the elevator. I also still had to deliver food to that room every evening until I quit at the end of the summer.

Yes it could have been worse but that was quite enough for my 18 year old self.

You gots to access your uncrazy side.

PeaNut 83,119
April 2003
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Posted: 11/13/2012 5:25:24 PM

Was he kidding?

Judging by the VHS tape titles, nope.


PeaNut 223,222
September 2005
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Posted: 11/13/2012 5:31:54 PM
My FIL telling us about his need for Cialis and his Wednesday night "dates" with MIL

Kirsten mom to~
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PeaNut 49,444
September 2002
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Posted: 11/13/2012 5:46:53 PM
A long time ago, my then 4 year old son, and I had just had a long talk about how if he didn't start eating more of his dinner, he was never going to grow up and be big and strong. Now I am not skinny.

We enter a department store to buy him his first set of school clothes, he is about two table aisles away from me. Suddenly he stops, and yells at the top of his lungs, and points to a woman who is standing less than 2 feet from me, and SCREAMS:
WOW, mom look at that lady, she's really fat, she had to eat a lot of dinners to get that big!

OMG, I could have crawled under a rock! The poor woman's face turned bright red, and she quickly left. On the way home my son and I had another chat about what was appropriate to say about people. That was over 30 years ago, and I remember it like it was yesterday.

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PeaNut 452,048
January 2010
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Posted: 11/13/2012 5:54:35 PM
While my dh and I were having our first home built we stayed with my inlaws. I had a few awkward moments while living with them.

My fil has the habit of using the restroom without turning on the bathroom light or shutting the door. I had no idea, but learned quickly. I went into the bathroom, shut the door, and went to turn on the light when I heard, "occupied."

One evening I was talking to my mil and she sounded different. I asked her if she was sick. She said no. I said her voice sounded different. She says, "it's probably because I took my teeth out." My dh never told me she had false teeth.

The most awkward moment was the evening that my mil decided to come into our room, sit down on the edge of our bed, and start a conversation with me. My dh and I were naked under the covers. It didn't even phase her. She probably talked to me for over an hour. My dh fell asleep.



PeaNut 129,876
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Posted: 11/13/2012 6:12:16 PM
When my son was about 3, he asked me about someone who was smoking. We had a brief chat about it, why I didn't smoke, etc. no big deal.

Until a few days later we were at an outdoor mall and my husband was pushing him in his stroller. We came along a man sitting on a bench smoking and I knew where this was going, so I walked away in the opposite direction and sure enough my little son yelled at the top of his lungs -"That man is smoking! He's gonna DIE!!" I thought my husband was going to die right then and here too!

Miss Lerins Momma
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PeaNut 151,660
June 2004
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Posted: 11/13/2012 6:12:29 PM
Oh my, that had to have been awkward!!!

Mine isn't as bad as that... but after the birth of one of my kids (can't remember which), I went back to work and a lady asked me how the BABIES were doing? I said "my baby is doing well" and she looked bewildered... thought I had had twins. VERY awkward for me! As I was big, but only had one baby at a time!

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PeaNut 142,904
April 2004
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Posted: 11/13/2012 6:14:26 PM
OK well ONE of the most awkward moments was when my oldest child was about 3. We were at the bowling alley, which is just a default bad start to any story I could ever tell because they make you put on used shoes and they seem to smell like uncontained stale flatulence. Now that I think about it, I actually have another, much less personally humiliating, awkward moment story that took place in the parking lot of a bowling alley--and I tend to avoid bowling alleys like it's my religion.

This particular time, we were there with friends. My little godson and my oldest child were all set up with those bumper things that go on the gutters to make the game a little less frustrating for them. For some reason, it was just me and the two little three-year-olds. My husband, my twin babies, and my little godson's parents were also there, but they must have been off getting beer at the snack bar. It was not a busy night, so it was fairly quiet with not a lot of people.

Because, as I mentioned, I am not a fan of the bowling alley (any bowling alley), I decided my best strategy was just to tune out and pretend like I was still there. So that's what I was doing. My little three-year-old was happily chattering away as was normal for her. I was smiling at her without listening to a word that was coming out of her mouth. I heard all of it including one thing that was a question she was asking over and over, but none of it was registering.

After a while, I looked over to the next lane. A man was bowling by himself. A very small man. So small, in fact, that he could only be one of the "little people." Very, very little. He caught my eye and gave me what I registered as an odd look.

It was at that moment that my blood froze while a simultaneous rapid-acting bloom of hot shame and horror made its way from my neck up to my forehead and scalp, as I realized that my adorable little chatterbox had been asking over and over and over, and loudly, the following:

"He little, Mama? Mama, he little?"

I don't even know why I tell this story because only the man in the story and I would have ever known. The three-year-olds were way too small to remember, and nobody else was around.

When I went to edit my signature, the "Edit Signature" title was spelled wrong. So that was distracting and I forgot what I wanted my new signature to be.


PeaNut 19,985
August 2001
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Posted: 11/13/2012 6:41:38 PM
My DH and I were going to Charlotte for a race. Because of work schedules, we drove separate, I was going to check into the hotel before he got there, to save time. Anyway, drove to hotel, went to desk, and said, "I am Edith Smith, I need to check in" The clerk said, "Oh, Ms. Smith, I see you are a VIP". I thought okay, if she says so. She also said she had an envelope for me, but could not find it. I said my DH could pick it up when he checked in. She said, oh I had better add him to the reservation. That is Tom Smith, right? I said it was, and she asked for photo ID and charge card we made the reservation with. I handed her that, and she gave me the key and 2 coupons for 2 free drinks at managers reception. She also said there was a gift in the room.

Went to the room. Nice room! Called DH, he was stuck in traffic, so I went to the managers reception for my 2 free drinks. Drank those, DH was still in traffic. Went back to room to watch race on TV, waiting on DH. A few minutes later phone rings, it is the front desk. "Ms. Smith, are you Ms Smith from California?" No, this is Ms Smith from NC." They said there is something strange going on, do you still have your confirmation for the room? I said I did, and I would bring it down. On the elevator on the way down, I look closer at the confirmation. Guess What? I am in the wrong hotel!! But, they checked me in, and looked at photo ID and charge card. I had to go to the desk to tell them.
It should have been an awkward moment for me, but with the 2 drinks in me, I just laughed when I told them the mistake.

*Delphinium Twinkle*
I'm just a pea:)

PeaNut 163,613
August 2004
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Posted: 11/13/2012 7:45:33 PM
The first nigth I worked at Borders, I was stocking magazine and a much older woman asks if we carry a particular magazine.
Since Im new there I tell her I can find out.
Then she says "Thats okay its right here" as we walk around to the next aisle.
Then she whips it open and says "Look, thats me and my two friends"
It was a whole spread of her and her woman friend and a man friend, fill frontal, buck naked in all her sagging glory!

I needed eye bleach after that and didnt know if that was the job for me.

Later that night my manager asks me how I liked my job. I told him what happened and he laughed hysterically and said that woman comes in and does that to everyone.

All the years i worked there I watched out for her and avoided her at all costs

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PeaNut 71,250
February 2003
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Posted: 11/13/2012 8:07:09 PM
I am the queen of awkward moments
3 come to mind. Here they are , in no particular order:
1. I was at my Daughter's wedding reception. Dh and I had been standing in the line for a couple of hours, and we decided to mingle with the guests. I saw my elderly Aunt and Uncle seated at a table, and went over to talk to them. My Uncle had a plate of food in front of him. I said to him, and I quote: " I hope you don't mind if I nibble on your nuts....I haven't eaten anything all day" Well, My Dh turned purple and had to leave. On the upside, I don't think my Uncle heard me. yikes
2. Went went to visit my Grandma at Christmas. My Grandpa had passed away a few months before, and she was feeling very sad and lonely. We stayed for a few hours, and as we were leaving I leaned over and gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze...only it wasn't her was her boob! Her head snapped up and she had a WTheck look on her face. I brightly shouted "Merry Christmas!" and we left. Oy

3. This one happened just a few days ago. I was in Michael's, looking for some of those over-sized rusty looking jingle bells. A person working there (why oh why did he have to be a HE?) asked me if he could help me find anything. I absently asked him if he had big rusty balls....omg I was so embarrassed, esp. since a group of teens heard me and started giggling. I need to find a new Michaels


PeaNut 89,393
June 2003
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Posted: 11/13/2012 8:19:22 PM
This happened when I was really little and it was awkward for my father. My father, step-mother and mother were at a wedding. The mother of the groom was making the rounds and she stopped to talk to my mother and step-mother. She was trying to make the connection, and asked "are you too sisters?" My mother promptly replied "Nope, I'm his first wife" (while pointing at Dad) and my step-mother says "And, I'm his second wife" (also pointing at my Dad). My Dad turned beet red and the grooms mother stammered something about being sorry and took off.


B. Pea

PeaNut 453,111
January 2010
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Posted: 11/13/2012 8:36:59 PM
I've told about 4 people this IRL. It's just beyond embarrassing or awkward.

It was my 6 week check up after I had my 2nd child. My doctor was running behind, which was unusual but you know how that goes. I was still breastfeeding (not right then, just in general, baby was home with dad), and I didn't think to schedule her feedings around my appointment. So I'm sitting in the exam room in the gown, waiting forever and I start leaking. My whole gown was soaked down the front. I was too embarrassed to ask for a new gown so I had to search through their cabinets to find a new one. So I ditch the old one and put on the new one, and squeeze out as much milk as I can in the sink because of course I didn't bring my pump. I was so afraid the dr. would walk in then, but he didn't.

So that's all taken care of as well as it can be, when an incredible bout of gas comes along. I held it in as well as I could, but then I realized that I should get rid of it before he comes in because I don't want to be the gross lady who farts in the dr's face. So I let it go. And ohmygod the smell. It was like something had died. Possibly the smelliest gas I'd ever had. So I start wafting with my gown. Just when the smell starts dissipating, the dr walks in. While I'm still fanning my gown. So we all pretend that nothing is weird and he starts the exam. (Probably afraid for his life.)

Fortunately the exam is noneventful, but he stood up at one point and walked past my feet, and my sock got caught on his ink pen that was sticking out of his pocket. He nonchalantly disentangled himself, and made a comment about how that had never happened before. I was never so happy to get out of a doctor's office.

Why, YES!, I am a princess.

PeaNut 417,049
March 2009
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Posted: 11/13/2012 8:45:41 PM
My FIL passed away and we were at the visitation. me, DH, his brother and brother in law were standing together about 20 feet away from the front of the room. The ex-DH of one of DH's cousins came to show his respects. He had been in the family for years but the divorce was recent and we could tell he was a bit nervous being around the family. He greeted us, asked about my MIL and SIL, and then mistaking my BIL for someone else, asked "how's your dad? ". BIL never missed a beat and said "he's laying down over there, he's tired" we got a huge laugh out of it. Poor guy.

Heres another one. Halloween, 1967, I'm 3 years old. Imagine all the decorations out and how fascinating it is to a little kid. Me, my mom and an aunt are at a mall when all of a sudden, in the loudest voice I have, I yell " look mommy, WITCHES!". There were 2 nuns in their habits walking through the mall. My aunt turned and walked off in a complete different direction.

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PeaNut 289,166
December 2006
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Posted: 11/13/2012 9:00:46 PM
Mine is pretty bad. I was at a wedding with DH (we'd only been married a couple years). His parents were there as were some of his siblings/spouses. I hadn't had anything to drink so I don't know where my huge social gaffe came from.

When the best man was giving his speech, I yelled out "boring!" Holy crap, I couldn't believe it. I was recently FB friended by the bride and she's totally fine with it (they later divorced).

It's now sort of a joke with her, but I'm still embarassed and it's been over 15 years!


PeaNut 87,007
May 2003
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Posted: 11/13/2012 9:20:34 PM
This is my stupidest and most awkward moment rolled into one. Disclaimer - I did NOT mean it the way it came out. I'm just not after other people's husbands.

So a friend of mine was over and sorting through some of my brother's old stuff some time after he'd passed away. It was a bunch of computer things - so 8 port hubs, cables, tuner cards and a bunch of odds and ends and nuts, screws, bolts, etc. I was handing him each item out of the box and saying, "Do you want a tuner card?", "Do you want xxxx?". So we get to the bottom of the box and I pull out an item and say "Do you want a bolt?" followed by the next thing I grab, "Do you want a screw?".

The look on my face was worse than his, I'm sure. I in no way meant anything like that. I was horrified but what can you say? I saw him and his wife once after that and then they stopped contact. I don't blame them and no matter what you say, you'll never be believed that it came out without any meaning behind it. It was just one of those moments you are not thinking and something comes out the wrong way. I wish I could go back and fix it because it cost me a friendship with him and his wife.


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PeaNut 359,333
January 2008
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Posted: 11/13/2012 9:31:47 PM
I have some serious stomach issues. I went to get my oil changed once and I was with one of my friends. I told her I wanted to just go home but she convinced me. The guy was hot and we were flirting with him when all of a sudden I puked ALL over his shoes and clipboard. Man I wanted to die. Super super embarrassing.


PeaNut 415,025
March 2009
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Loc: Southwest USA

Posted: 11/13/2012 9:47:25 PM
1. DH and I lived with my parents for a summer one year when we were both doing full-time unpaid internships to graduate from college (we were married at the time). Well, one afternoon we were alone in the house and decided to take advantage of the opportunity. So there we are in our room, having a little, *ahem* couple time, and suddenly my mom comes home and comes up and knocks on the door. I quickly and awkwardly blurted out, "uhhhh we're taking a nap!" And she got the message and went back downstairs.

2. Another time, I was working at an Alzheimer's day-care center. A patient came up to me, thinking I was her daughter or something, and told me she loved me and gave me a hug. I was like, ok. I love you too.


*Mommy to Adam, born October 2010, and Tommy, July 2012*


PeaNut 17,041
June 2001
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Posted: 11/13/2012 10:04:11 PM
My MIL passed away and we were home for the funeral. Everything was done and we were getting ready to leave for the drive home. FIL says, "Wait, you forgot to take my profile picture." Oh, uhm, what? So I took, and uploaded his new dating website profile picture. Awkward! In his defense, MIL had been terminally ill for quite a few years, but it was a bit soon for me and my husband.

Fast forward 2 years... we meet the new girlfriend and she thanks me for taking such a good picture or she never would have been interested.

What if everything is an illusion & nothing exists

PeaNut 82,319
April 2003
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Posted: 11/14/2012 6:51:54 AM

When the best man was giving his speech, I yelled out "boring!" Holy crap, I couldn't believe it. I was recently FB friended by the bride and she's totally fine with it (they later divorced).

I'm so sorry, but I honestly laughed out loud at this for about 5 minutes last night. I laughed so hard I woke up my sleeping husband. I could totally see me accidentally doing this!


PeaNut 472,567
June 2010
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Posted: 11/14/2012 7:47:43 AM
I worked in a hospital and I walked into a patient's room (after knocking on the door) and the "very senior", senior citizens were having sex in the hospital bed.

My eyes are still burning.


PeaNut 172,235
October 2004
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Posted: 11/14/2012 7:50:54 AM
On holiday with my now in-laws, coming down to breakfast and my MIL asks me "Did the earth moved for you last night?"

Turned out there was a small earthquake in the area but with her mischievious sense of fun she wanted to see if she could embarrass me! She did but we laugh about it now

Today, I will be colouring outside the lines.

ostrich girl
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PeaNut 288,003
December 2006
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Loc: Enjoying the spring in Ohio

Posted: 11/14/2012 8:04:36 AM
MIL and FIL were talking about his recent medical issue: the fact that he sometimes spots a little blood when he pees. And it only happens after they have had sex.

WAAYYY too much Info.



PeaNut 194,574
March 2005
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Posted: 11/14/2012 8:50:04 AM
LOL...these are pretty good!

I once worked at a convenience store and became good friends with my gay, male co-worker. We had exchanged emails and used to send each other silly jokes and whatnots.

So I got an email from him one day. He had sent me pictures. So I clicked to open one of the photos, and I had slow dial up so the picture loaded very slowly from the top on down.

At first I saw their heads, then some bare shoulders. He and his partner had gone on vacation down south recently, so I thought he had sent me their vacation photos of them on the beach.

The photo continued loaded...bare chests, stomachs...

Yeah, they were completely naked and full-frontal nudity photos of him and his partner.

We were scheduled to work together the next day. How do I face him?!?! Why in the hell would he send me those?!?!

Well, I confronted him about them. Turns out he didn't send them, but his partner did. I never did find out why he (partner) sent them to me in the first place. But when I told him what the email was all about, he immediately called his partner and b!tched him out.

All I could think of was that his partner had seen the exchange of emails from co-worker and I, and had sent the pics to me to make sure I knew he was "taken." It's the only reasonable explanation I could come up with.


PeaNut 211,963
June 2005
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Posted: 11/14/2012 9:04:49 AM

1. I was at my Daughter's wedding reception. Dh and I had been standing in the line for a couple of hours, and we decided to mingle with the guests. I saw my elderly Aunt and Uncle seated at a table, and went over to talk to them. My Uncle had a plate of food in front of him. I said to him, and I quote: " I hope you don't mind if I nibble on your nuts....I haven't eaten anything all day" Well, My Dh turned purple and had to leave. On the upside, I don't think my Uncle heard me. yikes

OMG! I just spit water all over my computer screen!

I too am the queen of awkward moments!

My 3 year old son was the cause of one of the most embarrasing moments. He stayed with my MIL who "had a way with words' he accidently pinched her in the breast and she said "Don't pinch my tittie". Of course that was a hilarious new word for a 3 year old. After hearing him say it all night I told him to stop it wasn't a nice word and that that part of the body was called a breast.

All was well for a couple of weeks until we were having some friends over for dinner. I was in the kitchen frying chicken breasts and he came and asked what we were going to eat and I said Fried Chicken breasts. He walked into the living room and in his gloriously loud 3 year old voice said "Guess what we are having for dinner? Fried chicken titties" There was dead silence for a moment before everyone cracked up. DH and I were stumbling all over ourselves explaining how he knew that word.

Leads a Charmed Life

PeaNut 43,843
July 2002
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Posted: 11/14/2012 9:22:59 AM
These are too funny!

Michelle Rae

PeaNut 11,947
March 2001
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Posted: 11/14/2012 9:30:01 AM
I dressed one year as Octomom for Halloween. I was relaying the story to some people in the office. I said I thought I looked hilarious and stopped by the funeral home to see my mother in my costume.

The look on one of their faces was I realized at that moment that he didn't know my mom worked at a funeral home. He thought it was her funeral. Lol

It was actually the parking lot at the funeral home and there were no viewings when I went.

I laughed and laughed at the thought of him thinking I went to my mothers funeral dressed as Octomom.

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Michelle Rae

PeaNut 11,947
March 2001
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Posted: 11/14/2012 9:37:13 AM
I smoke (yeah I know...)but didn't want my son to know when he was little. I'd go out on the porch to smoke. As he got older I'd say I was going on the porch to have a diet coke. Eventually he knew I was smoking.

They did a drug alcohol presentation and told the kids in preschool that nicotine was a drug and no one should smoke in their house because of second hand smoke. My5 year old blurts out,"My mommy goes out to the porch to smoke her coke.

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PeaNut 289,166
December 2006
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Posted: 11/14/2012 9:41:12 AM
PierKiss...glad I could give you a laugh. It would've been funny to me if it wasn't me doing it. DH still kids me about it from time to time. I think it will follow me to the grave.


PeaNut 567,210
September 2012
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Posted: 11/14/2012 10:01:42 AM
My 2yr old and I were at the checkout at our grocery store and our bagger was an African-American girl.

My daughter kept staring at her and looking back at me. Kept staring at her and looking back at me. She then blurted out "What color are you??"

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Happy now?

PeaNut 156,993
July 2004
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Loc: Connecticut

Posted: 11/14/2012 10:14:30 AM
1. When my oldest was about 3, we walked into a public restroom. Someone was pooping in one of the stalls and it was stinky. My dd yells out: "what is that SMELL? Oh my! That's horrible! Mommy, make it go away! That's a horrible stink!" And on and on and on.....

2. Just last week when we were displaced from Hurricane Sandy, we were given the keys to our hotel room and we walk in and my dd says "there's a pizza box here." I say "oh, it's probably an advertisement for a local pizza joint" and she says "with half a pizza in it?" I turn around and there's a man's overnight bag on the bed. I yell: "OMG, this is someone else's room! RUN!" You've never seen 3 girls run as fast as we did. And the desk clerk was like: "oh. Wrong room. You're next door." Couldn't have cared less.

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 75,215
March 2003
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Loc: massachusetts

Posted: 11/14/2012 10:41:53 AM

"My mommy goes out to the porch to smoke her coke.

Mine is similar. After a drug awareness program at school, DD announced to everyone at Thanksgiving that grandma was addicted to drugs. Oye.


PeaNut 357,204
January 2008
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Posted: 11/14/2012 11:17:00 AM
My FIL had been at our house one day helping DH do a few home repair projects I wanted done. I got home that afternoon & FIL was getting ready to leave. He told me, "My son's been working hard all day, so make sure you're nice to him." I guess I looked kind of confused and said, "I'm always nice to him." He said, "No, I mean be REAL nice to him!" Okay, then! I'm sure I turned 3 shades of red. We've noticed as he gets older whatever thought pops into his brain immediately comes out of his mouth.


PeaNut 150,604
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Posted: 11/14/2012 11:17:26 AM
I had my 2 DDs at the Doctor's office as the youngest had a suspected ear infection. We were patiently waiting our turn watching the big screen TV in the waiting room, only it wasn't TV just medical type info and ads with no sound. My oldest DD was about 6 and was reading everything in sight. A new ad came on the TV and she squeeled "Look Mom! That's what I had!"

I looked up to see an ad for genital warts

I quickly replied to her, in a rather loud voice," No dear, you had PLANTARS warts. Little warts ON THE BOTTOMS OF YOUR FEET!


PeaNut 522,402
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Posted: 11/14/2012 11:38:18 AM
I was at a grocery store with my kids, standing in line at the customer service desk to buy a lottery ticket for my dad's birthday. There was a very disgruntled customer in front of us, ranting and raving at the manager about something, and as she was doing that, a couple of other people got in line behind me. She finished her yelling after a few minutes, then turned on her heel and headed for the door. Just as the automatic doors opened up, my DD, who was 3 or 4 at the time, announced loudly, "Mommy, THAT lady is PUFFY!" (DD never called people fat, she just came up with "puffy" one day.)

Bad enough as that was, the lady turned around, looked right at my daughter, and yelled, "YEAH, I AM!"

Could have crawled into a hole and died.

Thread Killer Extraordinaire

PeaNut 29,166
February 2002
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Posted: 11/14/2012 12:10:30 PM
I was pleasantly amused by these stories, grinning and chuckling my way down the thread. Until "fried chicken titties"! I woke the dog!



PeaNut 337,804
September 2007
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Posted: 11/14/2012 12:33:51 PM
I love your moment luvnlifelady, that cracked me up and reminded me of one of mine.

I was at a woman's group tupperware party. I was a member of the woman's group so was fairly comfortable around this group- I'm normally pretty reserved. The tupperware consultant was talking about products, the games we were going to play, etc. She said "And no one will walk out of here a loser" and out of my mouth popped "unless you walked IN as a loser".

Another one with a similar group I"m a member of. We were having a new officer installation and I"m 1st VP. When the new president was being installed and the line was said about the 1st VP taking over her duties in case of illness, etc I leaned over to her and stage-whispered "don't die".

I don't know where these things come from. I really am a quiet, reserved person in group situations.

It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.'
- Sam Levenson


PeaNut 40,642
June 2002
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Posted: 11/14/2012 12:44:09 PM

Live life !

PEAsed to be here

PeaNut 88,667
May 2003
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Posted: 11/14/2012 1:06:29 PM
Susie homemaker I would say those things...

Chicken titties. Hah. Hahaha. Bwahahaha. I love it. Do you still call them that?



PeaNut 169,727
September 2004
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Posted: 11/14/2012 1:51:06 PM

Until a few days later we were at an outdoor mall and my husband was pushing him in his stroller. We came along a man sitting on a bench smoking and I knew where this was going, so I walked away in the opposite direction and sure enough my little son yelled at the top of his lungs -"That man is smoking! He's gonna DIE!!" I thought my husband was going to die right then and here too!

That could have been me but my dd would walk up to people and tell them to their face "If you don't quit doing that you are going to die" I was so embarassed

In college dh and I were dating. His parents lived near my college and after a couple of years he gave me a key to his parents house. I would go over there and meet him and do laundry when his folks were at work. One day I used my key walked in and there is my FIL walking through the house naked! He just said hi and I turned around and left. I never looked at him quite the same way again.

The other one was in about 1961 and I was 2 1/2. We had just moved to NY and I had never seen a black person before. We were in Macy's and I somehow got away from Mom. A few minutes later I run to Mom dragging a bigger black boy by the hand yelling at the top of my lungs "Mommy, look, I found Little Black Sambo!" His mom came, grabbed him and gave my mom a dirty look. I didn't understand at all. I was just thinking of the book my 17yo sister had read to me!

Mom of Carly (16) and Nathan (14)


PeaNut 353,682
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Posted: 11/14/2012 3:34:42 PM
When I was teaching elementary school, a parent at the school who worked for Glaxo-Smithkline gave tote bags to all the staff. They advertised a drug called Valtrex.

Over the summer, I signed up for a sewing class, and I used my free Valtrex bag to carry my supplies for the six-week class. The day after my last class, a friend came over and saw the bag on my couch. He started laughing and wanted to know if I knew what Valtrex was used to treat. It turns out it is a drug to treat herpes! I was mortified.

I still wonder about the parent that donated all those bags to our school!


PeaNut 426,336
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Posted: 11/14/2012 6:33:36 PM
I was working as a bank teller, and my first week on the job after completing a transaction the customer remained standing at my window. The following exchange took place:

Me: Mr. Customer, is there something else I can help you with today?
Mr. Customer: (mumbling)still have an account here?
Me: Would your name be on it?
Mr. Customer: (once again mumbling)still have an account here?
Me: I'm sorry. I wouldn"t be able to give you the information unless your name is also on it.
Mr. Customer: (now looking at me a little funny)still have an account here?
Me: I'm sorry Mr. Customer, but banking regulations prohibit me from disclosing that information unless you are also named on it.

So, Mr. Customer just steps back, mumbles something else and leaves the bank. It's about this time that my supervisor starts laughing so hard he's doubled over. I'm a little confused because I was thinking I was following the rules, and couldn't figure out what was so funny.

After he wipes his tears, he tells me the customer (who I later learned had a speech impediment) was just making conversation; Mr. Customer was trying to tell me that Mrs. Customer still had her long hair. And I kept asking him if his name was on it!

This happened some twenty odd years ago, but still makes the rounds at work every so often. It's funny now, back then not so much.


PeaNut 564,948
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Posted: 11/15/2012 10:12:21 AM
My life is generally an awkward moment. The poor filtering of comments and involvement in ridiculous uncomfortable occurrences has been with me for as long as I remember. With that I can share two outstanding events that happened within the last week.

Over the weekend I was clothes shopping in a store and due to remolding/construction there was only one dressing room. As I stood waiting for the room to open up, I noticed this overwhelming stench coming from the room which reminded me of rotting road kill. Of course I commented on the smell to the other waiting women and specifically made reference to road kill. I have a distinct "full" voice so it was definitely not a whisper. Then from the dressing room a voice said "Robin ******* I know it is you. Thank you for your comments, but I have a foot problem and I will be sure to share any of your medical issues with the world too." It was a women from work, I sent her flowers and I think she may have forgiven me.

The next event was yesterday. I regularly travel overnight with two colleagues, one is an executive manager with our organization. We are friends, but I try to remain professional and always work hard to make a good impression on this manager.

In the morning when we were leaving the hotel, I am putting my things in the back seat of the car when it starts moving forward. The rear tire ran over my foot, mostly toes. I kind of just yelped and loudly stated "you just ran over my foot". The manager was so upset, he thought I was already in the car and was driving off. I felt so very stupid. By some miracle my foot is ok, just a bit red and sore. He wanted to see my foot, do an accident report, have it checked, but I was just mortified and refused. We went on, worked all day without a hitch or a limp, but there goes my professional image. The woman who does not pay attention and gets her foot run over.

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 475,028
July 2010
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Loc: Northern VA

Posted: 11/15/2012 10:39:06 AM
Lol at this thread.

Two popped into my head, one that was pretty awkward and the other funny/awkward.

The first was when my ds was very young, maybe two or so. Somehow he had gotten it in his mind that he didn't like black clothes. I probably said something at some point about not wearing black because it never looks good on me (pale skin) unless I put a scarf on or something. Anyway, who knows where kids get these ideas.

At that time ds also had a habit of calling people by what color they were wearing -- so if a woman had on a blue dress he'd say "Mommy, there's a blue lady" or a man with a red sweater would be "Mommy, I see a red man." Green was his favorite color so if he saw anyone wearing green he would say "Mommy, there's a green man, I love green people."

Yes, I'm sure you can see where this is headed. -- So we were in a store and there was an African-American woman wearing a black dress. Ds says, loudly of course, "Mommy, I see a black lady, I don't like black ladies." omg omg. I don't know if she heard or not but I got out of that aisle as fast as I could! oy.

The second story is about dd, when she was in preschool. We were having some holiday party in her class and the kids were supposed to serve the parents, then get theirs and sit down at the table. So she brought us some Sprite with ice. Then she got hers, sat down at the table with a sigh (like after a hard day at work, lol), sipped her Sprite and said "ah... this tastes good, just like a gin and tonic."

Thank goodness she was my second kid and this preschool teacher knew us from when ds went there, and knew I wasn't giving my kids gin and tonics! What dd meant was that it *looked* like a gin and tonic -- clear drink, in a clear cup, with ice. lol.

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