TMI post about AF and tween girls...
Post ReplyPost New TopicPosted 11/14/2012 by pretzels in NSBR Board
 

pretzels
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Posted: 11/14/2012 7:18:21 AM
My DD will be 11 at the end of December. She's very tall for her age, and has had breasts for about a year. During the summer, she and I had the period discussion. She was very matter-of-fact about it. I showed her where the pads are kept, etc. No big deal.

So yesterday when I went to pick her up from my ILs' house (they keep them after school), she told me she started her period. She was at the ILs, went to the bathroom and there was blood in the toilet. She called her grandmother to help her, her grandfather thought it was something he could help with (he thought she had vomited or something) and DD freaked out and flushed the toilet before my MIL could get there to see anything.

Nevertheless, she got her a pad and all that. Well, this morning, DD said that she doesn't think she did start her period. There apparently hasn't been any blood since yesterday afternoon. I told her to wear a pad today and bring extras just in case, but maybe it wasn't. (Her bowel movements can be hard and maybe that's what happened. She said it wasn't a lot of blood.)

I'm very uneasy about how to proceed with this. I can't remember with my first period if there was a lot of blood to start or what (and I imagine it varies). Also, she's very modest and if I asked her to let me see the toilet or a pad or something, she would die.

I'm not exactly sure how to make sure she actually started her period. I do remember having really bad cramps when I first started, and she says that she isn't cramping at all. But I've always had heavy periods until my ablation last year...

Can anyone who's BTDT help me with this? It's just so awkward!

Jili
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Posted: 11/14/2012 7:22:57 AM
She very well could be starting. My tween dd, who is becoming regular far too quickly, will spot for DAYS before it actually kicks in. I'd have her wear a liner and carry a few pads for the next several days and just wait to see what happens.


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squillen
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Posted: 11/14/2012 7:24:22 AM
Well, maybe she started, maybe she didn't. I wouldn't do anything more than you've already done. She's informed on where to find pads, should she need them.

I had really bad cramps the day I started, too. I could barely move and was so sick -- I think she would know! (Do all women get bad cramps when they start their periods?) I have an 11 year old and everytime she says her stomach hurts really bad, I think she's starting. She's giving me anxiety! lol



TREZmom
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Posted: 11/14/2012 7:24:54 AM
I think you should just talk to her. My mother didn't tell me a thing about AF and I hated that I couldn't discuss anything about it with her. So I'm very open with my kids and tell them they can ask me anything.

KittenOnTheKeys
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Posted: 11/14/2012 7:26:53 AM
AF doesn't start in full swing like a 20 something could have. With tweens it will be like spotting for a while before it really kicks in. I bet she did start. Get her a calendar and help her mark it. Have her keep some pads ready and start watching for "symptoms" in a month.



pretzels
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Posted: 11/14/2012 7:27:26 AM

I think you should just talk to her. My mother didn't tell me a thing about AF and I hated that I couldn't discuss anything about it with her. So I'm very open with my kids and tell them they can ask me anything.


Oh we've talked about it. Before it started and this morning, we talked about it. I just was wondering if there was a way I could tell for sure without her feeling like I was invading her privacy, you know?

liasmommy2000
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Posted: 11/14/2012 7:29:39 AM
I really wouldn't do anything other than make sure she knows what to do and has the supplies.

My dd JUST started a week ago but it was very obvious as far as I can tell. Poor girl went through pads like crazy. I think it might have finally ended this morning. That seems long to me, but I have an IUD and haven't had a real period in years. And I swear when mine started it was very light the first few times. Not sure if she's just paranoid about leaking and cleanliness or it's really that heavy. She's had some cramps but nothing terribly miserable.


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PierKiss
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Posted: 11/14/2012 7:36:54 AM
It's probably just spotting. Did she notice anything on the toilet paper when she wiped? If she did, you could maybe ask her which end produced blood on the toilet paper (since you mentioned it could have been from a hard bowel movement). Beyond asking about that I wouldn't really ask anymore questions about it.




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Posted: 11/14/2012 7:40:50 AM

So yesterday when I went to pick her up from my ILs' house (they keep them after school), she told me she started her period. She was at the ILs, went to the bathroom and there was blood in the toilet. She called her grandmother to help her, her grandfather thought it was something he could help with (he thought she had vomited or something) and DD freaked out and flushed the toilet before my MIL could get there to see anything.


I think I'd have a frank talk with my FIL that when a girl calls out to a woman for bathroom assistance, he needs to sit it out.



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melissa
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Posted: 11/14/2012 7:45:39 AM
It wouldn't be unusual.

My dd's first few periods were really nothing more than spotting. Boy, was she in for a surprise a few months later when she had her first cycle that included an actual flow and cramping. She then went to the other extreme with pretty heavy periods that were coming every 3 weeks before settling into a more regular pattern.



Miss Ang
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Posted: 11/14/2012 8:00:18 AM

AF doesn't start in full swing like a 20 something could have.
Actually, mine did and so did my daughter. I started the summer before I started high school and my dd started in 6th grade. Both are regular with 5-6 day periods and cycle around every 26-30 days. We've both always had a schedule like clockwork.

And no, neither of us had painful cramping before our first period.


-Angela

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Posted: 11/14/2012 8:07:40 AM

So yesterday when I went to pick her up from my ILs' house (they keep them after school), she told me she started her period. She was at the ILs, went to the bathroom and there was blood in the toilet. She called her grandmother to help her, her grandfather thought it was something he could help with (he thought she had vomited or something) and DD freaked out and flushed the toilet before my MIL could get there to see anything.

I think I'd have a frank talk with my FIL that when a girl calls out to a woman for bathroom assistance, he needs to sit it out.




Oh, c'mon now. The poor guy thought his granddaughter needed help. What good would it do to further embarrass the both of them. I think I'd be thankful that I had a FIL who was willing to help...when he thought it was *vomit*. I know too many who'd willingly sit that one out. Good for him.

And I agree that it's not uncommon. And spotting may go on for months...or in our case, years.

My daughter had her first spotting when she was 8 (OMG). I took her to the doctor because I just couldn't believe that it was the start of her period so young, but it appeared that it was.

She didn't have another occasion of spotting after that for about a year. She's now 11 and still has nothing regular at all. She's had a couple light cases here and there, and I can tell by the physical changes in her body that she is just on the cusp of puberty, but hasn't quite gone over the hill yet.

I don't think she's had any more spotting in the last six months, but I'm always ready any day.

I think what you're doing is great...keep talking to her and letting her know you're available if she has questions, educating her on the products and how to use them and making them available to her should she need them.





~Kristen~

pretzels
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Posted: 11/14/2012 8:32:06 AM

Oh, c'mon now. The poor guy thought his granddaughter needed help. What good would it do to further embarrass the both of them. I think I'd be thankful that I had a FIL who was willing to help...when he thought it was *vomit*. I know too many who'd willingly sit that one out. Good for him.


Thanks, Kristen. He is a great grandfather. I think he realizes how much he missed out on DH and his sister when they were younger, but he's more than making it up with our two kids. I'm not going to say a word to him. He just thought he would help.

Thanks for all the advice. I guess I'll just let it be. If she needs pads, she'll wear them. If she doesn't, she doesn't.

Her main concern this morning was how she was going to wear a pad with her leotard and tights tomorrow for ballet and tap. Her teacher allows the girls to wear black jazz shorts, so I'm going to buy her a pair today.

melissa
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Posted: 11/14/2012 8:36:36 AM
Yeah.. the leotard thing.

My advice is that when she wants to start trying tampons, let her. There is absolutely no reason a tween cannot use tampons, if they desire to. Of course, since she is only spotting, if that, a panty liner would probably be sufficient for dance class this time around.



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Posted: 11/14/2012 8:40:42 AM
Mine started with a bang, so it was very obvious. I was 11, and no cramping, and no real spotting either, as I recall. Just a lot of blood. But, I'm like you, I've always had heavy flow, (and cycles all over the place) when I wasn't on the pill.






BEF2008
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Posted: 11/14/2012 8:48:58 AM
My personal opinion is you don't need to feel like you're invading her privacy about this very natural, normal bodily function that all women share. If you treat it like something you're uncomfortable with, so will she. That's how my mother was and I never, ever talked to her about anything to do with it after the first time. With mine, we talk openly and clearly about it -- even in front of the boys in the house! (Hey, some day they will have wives and I don't want them to be all icky about it!!). She may act like she's embarrassed or whatever, but the truth is she is probably grateful for your input. Keep the communication open.

PEArfect
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Posted: 11/14/2012 8:51:48 AM
My oldest dd (13) started her period when she was 12. She didn't have PMS, and she wasn't regular right away either. She probably had about six cycles before she had PMS. She is on a regular monthly cycle now. Her period this month was the heaviest she has had so far, but it only lasted two days.

I think what you are doing is fine. I would probably write the date down on the calendar just to see if something happens a month from now. Whether she mentions cramps or bleeding again.


Jen


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Posted: 11/14/2012 8:56:28 AM
My 11 year old started AF on her 11th birthday. Happy birthday! Some of her periods have been quite heavy and some have been just spotting, and she's also been pretty irregular, so we send her to school with an "emergency kit" tucked at the bottom of her backpack just in case.

She also started using tampons by about her 3rd cycle - she hated the feel of pads so I bought her some "lite" tampons to start with and she quickly graduated to larger sizes for heavier days. I gave her a little lesson on tampon and pad etiquette and hygiene, and that was that. I will say it took her about an hour of determination and most of a box of tampons to figure out how to use them, with a lot of "Go away, Mommy!" through the bathroom door. But since then I've had little to do with her period except answering the occasional "is this normal" question.



.emily.
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Posted: 11/14/2012 9:03:20 AM
My period started at age 13, and was very light. I didn't get a "normal" one until a few months in.

MrsKLewis
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Posted: 11/14/2012 10:49:23 AM
I wonder if all the chemicals and hormones in food/environment have an effect on things like this.
My step daughter started her period at 10. I didn't until I was 15. My niece started getting boobs at 8!
Just seems like girls are hitting puberty so much younger now a days.


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Creativegirl
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Posted: 11/14/2012 10:58:38 AM

My dd's first few periods were really nothing more than spotting. Boy, was she in for a surprise a few months later when she had her first cycle that included an actual flow and cramping.


That was my experience. I remember thinking, "well, this is not such a big deal!" and then a few months later, "WTH?!" Lol. So, along with being prepared with supplies at all times, I would let her know that her periods probably won't stay that way and she should be prepared to see a lot more bleeding.


Anna



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