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KikiNichole
HandSlapPea Pea
PeaNut 69,597
February 2003
Posts: 27,014
Layouts: 2
Loc: Follow the Yellow Brick Road
 |  Posted: 11/14/2012 7:55:43 AM
Here's the facts...
The Status: Have plan to kill everyone.
Some Responses:
*Zombie apocolypse...I have a plan to kill my own mother.
*(From OP)...Zombies have nothing to do with it, I just hate everyone.
*LOL, Dude. I have seriously made plans for the second holocaust.
*(OP)...Let's start rounding up people, get this holocaust rollin. People don't sit in gas chambers and burn themselfs ...alive themselfs.
*We're good people; we're making the right decision today.
*It's going to be a massacre
*I've seriously spent a lot of time thinking about how when the day came I would just run through the town and go on a blood thirst massacre.
***************************
So, what's your reaction? Beyond the initial horror I would expect from any intelligent human being, but
Before you answer, this is a family member who posted this. I rarely post negativity regarding family members and I do so today with trepidation, like I'm breaking a code of honor or something. But this is a fairly young - but legally adult - family member. I would like to know, in total honesty, how you would (if you would) respond.
Please give your answers some honest thought because I'm in total turmoil over this.
I am so blazin' disgusted I can't think straight. I'm not sure if it's a really offensive joke, a cry for help, a warning, or just a bunch of dumbass, pot smoking idiots discussing some private joke.
But I am pissed.
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smilesnpeacesigns
PeaFixture
PeaNut 341,236
October 2007
Posts: 3,414
Layouts: 1
 | Posted: 11/14/2012 8:09:50 AM
I wouldn't respond. It sounds like someone who just lost on Assassin's Creed to me... Dumb, offensive, but not worth my time to respond.. |
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lovetodigi
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 257,022
April 2006
Posts: 7,665
Layouts: 5
Loc: Metro Atlanta
 | Posted: 11/14/2012 8:11:23 AM
Wow, that is certainly alarming. I think that I would be concerned if a family member posted something like that. How close are you to this person and is there even the slimmest chance that they could be serious? It just seems to me that a person in their right mind would not post something like that and I would consider that they are making serious threats. Is there someone, like a parent, that you could give a printout of the post and discuss it with them? Personally, I would not post anything and would try to stay off this persons radar. If he should go off the deep end, you don't want him mad at you.
ETA:
*(From OP)...Zombies have nothing to do with it, I just hate everyone
This, to me, indicates that what he is saying is more personal than a game he's playing or a movie he watched. |
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KikiNichole
HandSlapPea Pea
PeaNut 69,597
February 2003
Posts: 27,014
Layouts: 2
Loc: Follow the Yellow Brick Road
| Posted: 11/14/2012 8:12:00 AM
So, do you think this is just a game or a joke of some sort that I don't understand?
It's the holocaust references that are really unsettling to me. |
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KikiPEA
Pea, Glorious Pea
PeaNut 43,536
July 2002
Posts: 15,275
Layouts: 160
Loc: In the land of loss...weight loss, that is. 35.5 down, 10-15 to go! :D
| Posted: 11/14/2012 8:12:26 AM
I would not post to the thread and I would turn the post over to the police. |
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JudyC42
PeaNut
PeaNut 462,234
March 2010
Posts: 44
Layouts: 0
 | Posted: 11/14/2012 8:13:10 AM
I would go to the little arrow at the top right of the post and click on the "Report story or spam" so that Facebook can make the call.
If I were close enough to the family member, I would tell them they might be raising some concerns in this era of mass shootings and that, if they were just kidding, they should know that might get them on somebody's watch list. If they didn't seem properly shaken by that warning, I'm not sure what I would do, but kids should be aware there are consequences for this type of behavior. | |
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~*Trollie*~
My virtue has been restored! =)
PeaNut 272,896
August 2006
Posts: 20,771
Layouts: 2
Loc: ::shrug::
 | Posted: 11/14/2012 8:14:06 AM
Are you close to this person's mom? If so I'd call her up and say what the heck is all that about?
Very strange. |
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Kelpea
In a HapPea Place
PeaNut 176,832
November 2004
Posts: 12,209
Layouts: 2
Loc: gone to chemo with BethAnne
 | Posted: 11/14/2012 8:16:54 AM
I would go to the little arrow at the top right of the post and click on the "Report story or spam" so that Facebook can make the call.
I've reported a thing or two in the last several years to FB. Does it get handled? Or does FB make the call as to the severity of the threat? |
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WannaPea
No Peas for you ! Come back one year!
PeaNut 151,172
June 2004
Posts: 26,832
Layouts: 175
Loc: In my PJ's
| Posted: 11/14/2012 8:17:35 AM
Have plan to kill everyone.
I'd report to the police, quite honestly Kristen. Especially if it was a family member.  |
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ratqueen
I drank the whole fairy.
PeaNut 233,449
November 2005
Posts: 6,622
Layouts: 19
Loc: Here+There
| Posted: 11/14/2012 8:17:51 AM
I wouldn't post to it, but my first thought was that it's a young person. This kind of hyperbolic discussion is pretty common... I think that, sadly, we are now enough generations removed from the Holocaust that it has turned mythic for younger people. There's no way to conceptualize something as overwhelming and horrifying as it was, and so it is becoming a part of everyday lingo - things like "I wanted to kill myself," "I just wanted to slit my wrists," "I wanted to kill her," none of these have any basis in reality. It's just words to them, not connected to a real event that has or will happen.
Lest anyone think I'm trying to lessen the Holocaust, I'm not. I just know that "kids these days" ( ) don't see the same things we do with the same amount of gravitas. |
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Onekwa
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 194,574
March 2005
Posts: 2,152
Layouts: 3
Loc: God's Country, NY
| Posted: 11/14/2012 8:20:44 AM
That is scary. How close are you to this person? Does he/she seem alright in family settings? Or are they closed off from the rest of the family.
I have a son who had posted something similar. Not killing anyone, but burning the house down. He also posted some stuff about harming himself. I printed it out, and took it to the police. He ended up in a psych ward for 5 days. This is the second time I've had to call the police on him.
I can't tell you what to do as I don't know this person. But if your gut instinct tells you that it is more than just a random rant, then you need to let someone know. If he's a child (under 18) point his parents to the posting. But take a screen shot of it first, so if he deletes it, you'll have the ss as proof.
If this was posted by my son, I would not dismiss it. And he knows it. |
~Judy AKA Jazzie~
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ScrapbookFran
Changing it to Phrann
PeaNut 134,608
March 2004
Posts: 7,777
Layouts: 165
Loc: At my wit's end
 |  Posted: 11/14/2012 9:04:00 AM
Agree w/ ratqueen. |
the Pea f/k/a Frannie HaHa
ScrapbookFran's Blog
We judge others by their actions, but ourselves by our intentions.
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not2peased
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 260,865
May 2006
Posts: 12,873
Layouts: 0
Loc: Northeast
| Posted: 11/14/2012 9:40:35 AM
I think this person sounds like a complete asshole
I would definitely say something
some things shouldnt be joked about and your family member crossed the line
I'm handslappy though |
-Kerry
Let the refining and improving of your own life keep you so busy that you have little time to criticize others.
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MochiMochi
PeaAddict
PeaNut 438,080
September 2009
Posts: 1,109
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 11/14/2012 9:42:19 AM
They're probably being....young, but the "joke", if that's what it is, isn't funny and it's apparently past time for them to learn that.
I'm trying to think what I'd do. And I don't know. Report to FB firstly, talk to the parents immediately if it's a minor. Screen capture before the thread goes poof. Fret.
If this person is not a minor, I'd consider alerting the police and letting them get to the bottom of it.
I reread and it sounds like they are an adult. Then to me, it's time to be an adult and face the natural consequences of your behavior. I'd screen cap with the name and send it to the local police department. My reaction sounds knee-jerk even to me, but I the threat of violence, and the one person saying they'd actually given it some thought, is concerning.
But, context: what is this person like in person? Angry? Immature? Clueless? That matters, too. | |
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KikiNichole
HandSlapPea Pea
PeaNut 69,597
February 2003
Posts: 27,014
Layouts: 2
Loc: Follow the Yellow Brick Road
| Posted: 11/14/2012 9:55:55 AM
Well, I know I have the 'handslappy' reputation, but geez louise...if there ever was a time to put a smackdown on someone, I think this would be it.
It's my nephew. My sister's child. And I haven't said anything because...well, because I'm sure that my sister is feeling like the only time I say something is when it's negative...probably because, lately, I'm feeling that myself.
My sister and I have drifted apart over the last couple of years...nothing substantial has happened, really...just a difference in lifestyle, I guess.
Oh...and I just noticed that my 11 year old niece 'liked' the comment someone made about killing their mother...see? This isn't something she should even be reading, much less liking...even if it's some kind of weird joke I don't get.
But her two oldest children are struggling. My niece is involved with an abusive boyfriend who stole from her, threatened her (and her family), pointed a gun to her head and ran from the cops with her along for the ride.
My sister has told her that she will always offer her home to her daughter but he is NEVER allowed in it...which has caused some occasional strife between mother and daughter...and which daughter likes to post about on FB.
I *always* come to my sister's defense and at first I did it privately, but the last couple of times I got sick of the public ridicule and responded so publicly.
I've always seen my nephew as a loving, funny and intelligent person, even though he is a total pothead, for lack of a better description. But I've been so detached from him for so long (because we rarely get together anymore and when we do, he's never there) and I don't feel like I can make the same remarks to him as I have my niece.
And my sister is in TOTAL denial. She finally did post to this matter and said something like...'This stuff needs to stop...NOW'...as if it's been a topic of conversation for a while.
So now I'm even more confused than ever.
But what really, really pisses me off...is my nephew (and my niece for that matter) KNOW that many of us in their family can read this stuff, including my parents, their *grandparents*.
I watched my dad, literally, weep at the fact that he had a granddaughter involved in an abusive relationship...like he had gone wrong somewhere. It broke my heart.
And this isn't some teenager...this is a 20 year old MAN who should know better. And it truly infuriates me that he has such little respect for those around him...joking or not.
But here's where I struggle...I'm having a super hard time not being pissed at my sister. I just want to scream at her to DO SOMETHING. But I don't know what it is she's supposed to do.
Anyway, I guess I just wondered if it was as offensive to others as it was to me.
I really liked your response, Judy...and wish I would have thought of it when I first saw the post. Now that my sister's responded, I feel like I'd be overstepping to say anything. And talking to her personally will just feel like a lecture to her, I'm sure and I don't want to alienate her from me any further. |
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HapPEA in TX
AncestralPea
PeaNut 49,950
September 2002
Posts: 4,747
Layouts: 20
Loc: Getting ready for those Friday Night lights!
| Posted: 11/14/2012 10:00:45 AM
I obvously don't know the person, but you sound pretty concerned. Can you call their mother (if you're not *that* close to the family member)? If not, I think I'd print it, and take it to the Police. You can tell them the same thing you told us. Just tell them that you don't know how to interpret it, but don't want to be sorry. |
*Proud wife of a Police Officer and proud mom of three beautiful boys*
"You should use your brain instead of it just taking up space in your skull" - Sookie Stackhouse
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WannaPea
No Peas for you ! Come back one year!
PeaNut 151,172
June 2004
Posts: 26,832
Layouts: 175
Loc: In my PJ's
| Posted: 11/14/2012 10:00:50 AM
But here's where I struggle...I'm having a super hard time not being pissed at my sister. I just want to scream at her to DO SOMETHING. But I don't know what it is she's supposed to do.
The headlines are filled with people whose parents should have done something. She won't. At least you have the choice to notify someone in authority. If nothing is done-well, you made the notification. But forget your sister. The time for her to do something has come and gone. |
Cop's wife - Mom to one
"The invisible and the non-existent look very much alike." ~ Delos B. McKown
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lovetodigi
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 257,022
April 2006
Posts: 7,665
Layouts: 5
Loc: Metro Atlanta
| Posted: 11/14/2012 10:08:46 AM
With your newly added information, I think that I would screen capture the conversation, and then report it to the local police. You can probably do that without the police letting the nephew know who called. If he is really thinking about harming others, his mother ordering to to stop NOW, is not going to change his thoughts and will most likely make them worse. It sounds like she is aware of more going on than what you have seen on FB.
It may turn out to be innocent, but if you have reported it, then you will have a clear conscience if he should attempt something. There are things that you don't joke about, and plans to kill others is one of those. He is 20 years old. Time that he learns that. If it turns out that he is serious, he needs help and he needs it now, before someone gets hurt or killed. You are right to be concerned. He said that he hates everyone. That sounds like a post coming from someone who is deeply troubled. |
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Georgiapea
Mom to the Wild Things.
PeaNut 96,783
July 2003
Posts: 26,414
Layouts: 0
Loc: Poss-a-Dillo Hill, Ozark, AL
| Posted: 11/14/2012 10:18:01 AM
Can you contact the police/sheriff anon.? If it turns out to be a couple of guys joking, however inappropriately, your sister will be angry if she discovers you were the informant.
But what if it's serious? Have you spoken to him recently to get a grasp of his frame of mind? I'd try to do that without bringing up the posts.
You're caught in a tough spot. | |
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Onekwa
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 194,574
March 2005
Posts: 2,152
Layouts: 3
Loc: God's Country, NY
| Posted: 11/14/2012 10:19:21 AM
If he's smoking a lot of pot, then it doesn't matter what his age is, he probably really doesn't know better. He's most likely under the impression that he's still a kid. My son is 21. Smokes almost daily. My 17 yo ds is more mature than him. The 21 yo acts like the world owes him, and actually throws temper tantrums. He is completely in denial, and all of us are out to get him.
Because he is technically an adult, he can't be made to get drug treatment. Unless he does something that will bring the police back into it. It's a hard row, and I know you are mad at your sister for seemingly allowing it to happen. I imagine my own sisters are mad at me for the same reason.
But, try to put yourself in our shoes. We love our children. It simply KILLS us that they are acting this way. Our hands are literally tied. My sister tried to comment something to him on one of his facebook rants, and he unfriended her. She didn't care. The last time I made a comment on his facebook page about one of his rants, he broke my computer. Then he went on and on about how he hated everyone, everyone was against him, he was going to kill himself and then maybe everyone will be happy, and he was going to burn the house down. So I notified the police.
I feel like crap because of this. And with everyone telling me that I NEED to do something about it all, it absolutely makes me feel like crap. All I wish is that my family was more supportive of me and then maybe I'll find the strength to deal with it. As it stands right now, I have no support, and I'm doing what I can to keep the rest of us safe. He knows I will call the police on him if he steps out of bounds now, but he still goes to friends and smokes up.
I doubt your sister is ignoring it. She is probably feeling very overwhelmed. |
~Judy AKA Jazzie~
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KikiNichole
HandSlapPea Pea
PeaNut 69,597
February 2003
Posts: 27,014
Layouts: 2
Loc: Follow the Yellow Brick Road
| Posted: 11/14/2012 10:23:19 AM
I have no idea what his frame of mind is. He's always been a little dark, maybe, but always loving and kind in person.
My sister's comment makes me feel like there is something more going on...but I don't know. It would feel like such a betrayal for me to contact the police when I feel like only a casual observer. And when what I'm observing might be just some really dark humor with some really poor taste.
Damn. I wish my mom was my old mom. These are the times I'd turn to her and she'd know exactly what to do.
I messaged my sister about something else this morning, just to see if she'd open up and let me know what was going on, but she didn't say a word
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peanuttle
PeaAddict
PeaNut 136,677
March 2004
Posts: 1,047
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 11/14/2012 10:25:15 AM
I would not post to the thread and I would turn the post over to the police.
Ditto!
To me, it doesn't sound like a joke and even if it is, you can't play around with something like this. If something does happen (god forbid), you don't want to be the one who didn't do anything. | |
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Lizaanne
BucketHead
PeaNut 182,482
December 2004
Posts: 947
Layouts: 0
Loc: Groveport, OH
| Posted: 11/14/2012 10:26:50 AM
Personally I would print it off and take it to the police. I know that if I had seen something like that and didn't do anything and have something happen I would be sick and feel like crap that I didn't let someone in law enforcement know ahead of time.
It could be nothing but it could also be something that needs investigated. (((Hugs))) to you, I know it's hard to be put in this position. |
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Onekwa
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 194,574
March 2005
Posts: 2,152
Layouts: 3
Loc: God's Country, NY
| Posted: 11/14/2012 10:31:25 AM
Please message your sister or better yet, call her. Tell her you saw what your nephew posted and that you are concerned. Tell her that you are there for her and if she needs any help at all, to let you know. Even if it's just an ear and a shoulder. It's something I wish my family would do for me. She's got a lot on her plate and maybe doesn't know where to start. |
~Judy AKA Jazzie~
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KikiNichole
HandSlapPea Pea
PeaNut 69,597
February 2003
Posts: 27,014
Layouts: 2
Loc: Follow the Yellow Brick Road
| Posted: 11/14/2012 10:33:59 AM
I feel like crap because of this. And with everyone telling me that I NEED to do something about it all, it absolutely makes me feel like crap. All I wish is that my family was more supportive of me and then maybe I'll find the strength to deal with it.
I'm so sorry for your struggles and what you've said is exactly what I *don't* want my sister to feel. And I'm angry at myself for feeling this way, to be honest.
It's just that my sister is in some serious denial, I think. And always has been. When my nephew was in high school, the school did a drug sweep with narcotics dogs, and the dogs narrowed in on my nephews car. They didn't find anything substantial...just 'traces' in a coat pocket.
My sister was mad...but believed him when he told her it was from a friend.
My niece continues to make bad decisions and my sister doesn't verbally support them, but her actions do.
She thinks she can't let them hit rock bottom...so they wreck a car, she buys them a new one. They want to go to college, she pays for it. They flunk out, she does it again and drives them to school every day and picks them up.
They abuse her verbally and publicly denounce her but when they need money, she gives it to them.
I tried to point these things out to her and she said something that I understood...she said, 'I don't know what to do but I love my children so much and I just cannot turn them out'
I want to support her and I don't want to judge her, but I want her to quit making it so damn easy for them to make the mistakes they are making. I want her to hold them personally responsible for their mistakes instead of bailing them out so that they can just make them again.
But most of all, I want to support her. I know she loves them. And part of the problem is that their dad is a total tool who screwed with their emotions and minds since they were toddlers...and she's been riding the guilt train ever since, trying to make up for his lack of...anything.
So I don't want her to feel judged or hurt by me....that's why this is such a struggle. I want to take it seriously, but I don't want to hurt her any more than she already must be. |
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KikiNichole
HandSlapPea Pea
PeaNut 69,597
February 2003
Posts: 27,014
Layouts: 2
Loc: Follow the Yellow Brick Road
| Posted: 11/14/2012 10:37:15 AM
Judy,
I just messaged her. Thanks for the advice. |
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UkSue
AncestralPea
PeaNut 428,374
June 2009
Posts: 4,229
Layouts: 2
Loc: Greater London
| Posted: 11/14/2012 10:39:15 AM
If I saw this from a family member of friend, I would have to do something, I couldn't in all conscience just leave it. If he is smowing pot his judgement could be impaired beyond just posting to a message board. We live in a scary world and whenever there is a shooting or other violence somewhere and there appears to have been warning signs, we always ask 'why didn't anyone say/ do anything?'
Such a hard call for you though Kristen. |
| Love is short, forgetting is long, and understanding longer still. | |
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Onekwa
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 194,574
March 2005
Posts: 2,152
Layouts: 3
Loc: God's Country, NY
| Posted: 11/14/2012 10:55:29 AM
You're more than welcome Kristen. It could be that she IS in total denial and refuses to believe that her child could do anything wrong. Some parents are like that. Or it could be it is just easier to ignore it. But she could be just like me. It was the worst thing to call the police on my son.
The local police are very familiar with our situation. Since we are such a small, tight-knit community, they try to defuse the situation first before just hauling him off. I've had officers at the house for over an hour just talking to him. And they are very good at what they do. Even when he back-talked and said he hated all cops and called them pigs, they didn't react. Eventually he calmed down.
If you ever need another point of view from your sister's, just let me know. Since I don't know your sister, I can't say how she is. I just know I'm going thru something very similar and how I feel about it.
I did have one of my sister's tell me that she had to distance herself from me because she couldn't stand what was going on. We used to be very close. I do get where she was coming from. But it stung like hell, and made me feel more alone than anything. These are things my therapist is helping me deal with. |
~Judy AKA Jazzie~
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lovetodigi
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 257,022
April 2006
Posts: 7,665
Layouts: 5
Loc: Metro Atlanta
| Posted: 11/14/2012 10:56:46 AM
She thinks she can't let them hit rock bottom...so they wreck a car, she buys them a new one. They want to go to college, she pays for it. They flunk out, she does it again and drives them to school every day and picks them up.
They abuse her verbally and publicly denounce her but when they need money, she gives it to them.
I tried to point these things out to her and she said something that I understood...she said, 'I don't know what to do but I love my children so much and I just cannot turn them out'
It sounds like your DS ins in denial as well as being an enabler. I doubt that she is going to agree that there is a problem, even if deep down she knows. I would think, based on what you have said about her handling of her children's problems, she is not going to take any steps, such as calling the police, even if she feels they might do something. It will be left up to others to do so. I hope that after talking with her, you will have a better idea what is going on, but I am afraid that you may only hear the view of a mother that is looking through rose colored glasses. |
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Lizaanne
BucketHead
PeaNut 182,482
December 2004
Posts: 947
Layouts: 0
Loc: Groveport, OH
| Posted: 11/14/2012 11:06:52 AM
On August 29th I got a suicide note from my oldest son via Facebook. He spelled out his intent, told who he want his things to go to and that he loved us but couldn't keep going on. I got a hold of him and found out that he couldn't get the gun that he was going to use.
He ended up moving in with us in September and for the first few days I walked on egg shells because of his moods. We finally talked and he admitted that he is an alcoholic and that he uses cocaine. He told me that when he went out the night before for his dart league he had done some coke and that when he comes down, crashes, he gets mean. In just a few hours that is exactly what happened and I took the brunt of his BS. My youngest son broke us up and told my son to leave the house now.
A few hours later, he came back and my DH was home by then and he started in again with me. He had been drinking, I reached out to take his hands in mine to let him know that I loved him but I wouldn't be treated like trash. He later accused me of grabbing his arm in other BS. We asked him to leave, I turned away from him and my world shifted and I went down on the floor. He left and my other son called the squad. My blood pressure was 184/104, I had taken my blood pressure meds a hour before but they hadn't had time and then with the stress, up it went.
My son came back and I called the police to remove him from the property as he was told he could come and get his stuff when DH was there and I would go to my BFF and neighbor's house. We had to call the police again later because of threats he made in text messages.
This was the hardest thing I had ever had to do but I am glad I did. He moved to TN to live with my SIL and she is a Physicians Assistant. She is helping him work through his problems and has gotten him on some meds. He calls me on the phone and we now have great conversations and he always tells me that he misses me and loves me.
Tough love is VERY hard but sometimes it is the only thing that will help. Your sister is in denial and unless she comes to same conclusion that I did, that my son needed to be put in his place, he will keep on the path he is on.
I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers! |
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Words to Live By
1. Don't say anything stupid.
2. If you must say something stupid, make sure no one's around to hear it.
3. If someone is around to hear it, make sure that he or she does not speak the same language as you.
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PierKiss
What if everything is an illusion & nothing exists
PeaNut 82,319
April 2003
Posts: 14,412
Layouts: 39
| Posted: 11/14/2012 11:11:57 AM
Holy poop. I would be very very tempted to call the police on that post. Threats to go on a murderous rampage are not funny. This wasn't even thinly veiled as a joke!
If it is a joke, and the police were called and sent to his/her house, if nothing else they will be scared/warned into not posting crap like that again. And if it's not a joke and it is something they are thinking of, well, all the better for police to know about him/her beforehand. |
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busypea
boring + nerdy
PeaNut 52,817
October 2002
Posts: 25,146
Layouts: 145
Loc: Oregon
| Posted: 11/14/2012 11:13:47 AM
I am not one to overreact, but I would take screenshots and report it to the police.
Even if it is a joke, it's not funny in the slightest. Plus there are several things about it that make me think even if he doesn't have a hard and fast plan, he's thought about doing something horrific enough that if he had some kind of mental break, this could become a reality.
I wouldn't mess around, and I wouldn't trust your sister to be able to do anything effective. | |
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KikiNichole
HandSlapPea Pea
PeaNut 69,597
February 2003
Posts: 27,014
Layouts: 2
Loc: Follow the Yellow Brick Road
| Posted: 11/14/2012 11:14:59 AM
Judy,
I messaged her and I'm so nervous that I will have stepped on her toes.
I just said that I saw his post and was disturbed and concerned and wondered if something was going on and if she needed an ear and a shoulder, I was here. I wouldn't talk. I'd just listen.
I don't mean to imply that she doesn't acknowledge their problems...she does. But she still makes it (seemingly) easy for them to repeat them.
For example: My daughter left some money on her counter for her for some cakes she had baked for her. My sister was out of town and when she got back, she asked my daughter if she'd ever come by with the money. My daughter told her she had...turns out my niece had helped herself to the money.
She's 21. She knew that money wasn't for her...but instead of holding her responsible for what actually amounts to *stealing*...when my sister initially found out, she was really upset because she KNEW it had been taken, but when my daughter got mad too (because she felt like she had been made to look like a liar) and wanted to call my niece on it, my sister made an excuse that perhaps she thought the money was left for her to use to buy food while they were gone.
It's little stuff. She will admit there are issues and she doesn't know what to do, but she rarely follows through and when push comes to shove, she makes excuses.
But honestly, I don't know what goes on behind closed doors. My sister has always been the kind of person that wants everyone to believe her life is perfect...she doesn't often share the hard stuff, or the struggles.
I'm the opposite...when I'm struggling the whole world knows it.  So it's hard for me to understand.
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Onekwa
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 194,574
March 2005
Posts: 2,152
Layouts: 3
Loc: God's Country, NY
| Posted: 11/14/2012 11:22:05 AM
I'm the opposite...when I'm struggling the whole world knows it. So it's hard for me to understand.
Ok, you sound a lot like my sister! You're really her aren't you, and you're writing about me and my son! LOL!
Hopefully she'll take your message as to what it is, truly supportive and not judgemental. If she does take it a different way, then you have done what you could. Just let her know that you are there for her no matter what. Like someone else posted...it's very hard to call the police on your own kids. |
~Judy AKA Jazzie~
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KikiNichole
HandSlapPea Pea
PeaNut 69,597
February 2003
Posts: 27,014
Layouts: 2
Loc: Follow the Yellow Brick Road
| Posted: 11/14/2012 11:23:56 AM
Judy,
I messaged her and I'm so nervous that I will have stepped on her toes.
I just said that I saw his post and was disturbed and concerned and wondered if something was going on and if she needed an ear and a shoulder, I was here. I wouldn't talk. I'd just listen.
I don't mean to imply that she doesn't acknowledge their problems...she does. But she still makes it (seemingly) easy for them to repeat them.
For example: My daughter left some money on her counter for her for some cakes she had baked for her. My sister was out of town and when she got back, she asked my daughter if she'd ever come by with the money. My daughter told her she had...turns out my niece had helped herself to the money.
She's 21. She knew that money wasn't for her...but instead of holding her responsible for what actually amounts to *stealing*...when my sister initially found out, she was really upset because she KNEW it had been taken, but when my daughter got mad too (because she felt like she had been made to look like a liar) and wanted to call my niece on it, my sister made an excuse that perhaps she thought the money was left for her to use to buy food while they were gone.
It's little stuff. She will admit there are issues and she doesn't know what to do, but she rarely follows through and when push comes to shove, she makes excuses.
But honestly, I don't know what goes on behind closed doors. My sister has always been the kind of person that wants everyone to believe her life is perfect...she doesn't often share the hard stuff, or the struggles.
I'm the opposite...when I'm struggling the whole world knows it. So it's hard for me to understand.
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