Need a hug and prayers **Update 11/15**

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Posted 11/14/2012 by nicolequinn in NSBR Board

Sick of Snow

PeaNut 41,352
June 2002
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Posted: 11/14/2012 2:55:15 PM
Tumor marker tests came back normal.
CA-125 marker continues to rise.
I have surgery scheduled a couple days after Thanksgiving to remove ovary with mass and both tubes. I am not opting for both ovaries to be removed as I don't want to start on HRT at age 43 if it isn't necessary... but I really need to think about this and do more research on my own and get more info from my doctor. This was just my initial reaction.

If the mass is found to have cancer cells, we have decided they will automatically do a full hysterectomy and the diagnosing surgery. This is where they open you up from sternum to pubic bone and take 20+ biopsies and all non-essential "things" out, like your fat pad, certain lymph nodes, etc, and test to see if the cancer has spread.

This seems surreal to me only because my mom passed about 18 months ago from ovarian cancer. I was there while she walked this road and it was tough. Ovarian cancer isn't a "good one", if you kwim.

I am completely positive though that this is NOTHING to worry about! I am sure it is just a cyst! It is good to have a plan though just in case.

Also... I scheduled the follow-up mammogram and they also want an ultra sound on the "abnormal" tissue on one side. I am confident this is nothing as well. Many of you I'm sure have had abnormal mammograms and the imaging shows normal.

On the positive, the furnace guy showed up and it was fixed today and the heat is back on!


I know we aren't given more than we can handle... I know this.
I keep repeating it.
Why does it feel like that sometimes?

I have an almost 13-year old son who is a great kid and I love dearly, but I think his brain checked out a few months ago. I am praying for it to return soon. Our house has turned into a daily battle ground over the simplest of things. I know many of you have BTDT... and you've said their sweet personalities will return one day. Sigh...

We are moving to Canada. I'm excited, yet completely depressed at the same time. I'm trying to get the house ready to be on the market, but I hate every bit of it. (I have a bad attitude, I know). My husband has been living in Canada since the beginning of July. He's been home 2x. We miss him. I need him! I also need another licensed driver as both my boys play hockey and I just can't seem to be in 2 places at once. I loath asking other parents for help/rides/etc. I feel as if I can't take care of my own kids.

I am currently undergoing testing for Ovarian Cancer. I'm scared. My mom passed away from this horrible cancer 18 months ago. I watched her fight for 8 years and it was the worst journey I've ever been on. They have been doing ultrasounds for 3 months now (I've had 4). My CA-125 is elevated. I just had a 3rd blood draw this morning to include another CA-125, CA19-9 and CEA. I just wish someone would make a freakin' decision on what this thing on my ovary is. Cut it out, don't cut it out, remove the ovary, blah, blah, blah. It seems that all they want to do is test. Although I love Alaska, I do miss having access to medical facilities like in Seattle. Anchorage is not a mecca for world-class doctors.

And while I was sitting the waiting room this morning for these blood tests starting to panic about what the heck I am going to tell my boys if it turns out I have cancer, my OB calls me and I need to do further imaging as my mammogram came back abnormal last week. WTH? I am sure it's fine. I know many of you have been through the same thing... but WHY do I get that call as I'm about ready to have cancer marker blood test drawn for the same disease my mom just died of??

I know my problems are all fixable. I'm sure I'm fine medically. My mind is just starting to take over and run away with worst case scenarios.

Phew... I just need to get it out. I've got no family that lives close. I don't want to tell my family about anything right now as they would all worry so much having just lost my mom. And I just miss my husband. It's hard to tell him everything when he's so far away. I don't want to worry him all the time either.


PeaNut 69,597
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Posted: 11/14/2012 2:58:49 PM

That is a tremendous amount of stress and I admire your ability to hold it together. I doubt I would be doing so well.

I don't have any advice...but I always have an ear...and you know where to find me.

Hang in there, Nicole. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers to find some relief soon.



PeaNut 173,756
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Posted: 11/14/2012 3:03:27 PM
You definitely have a lot on your plate!!! Many hugs to you. I know you say you don't want to worry your husband, but please talk to him about all of your testing and your fears. Just because he isn't right there physically doesn't mean he can't be right there emotionally. I used to try to protect hubby from my stresses and my worries. Turns out he felt like I was shutting him out and when I handled everything (cause that is how I am) he felt un-needed. This stuff? This is the stuff they were talking about in your vows-the better and worse stuff.

Much love, many hugs and abundant prayers for you my friend!

Stay Gold, Ponyboy

PeaNut 41,779
July 2002
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Posted: 11/14/2012 3:04:36 PM
Hugs and prayers indeed. It is a lot on your plate, it's ok to vent a bit.

"She is too fond of books, and it has turned her brain." - Louisa May Alcott

Sick of Snow

PeaNut 41,352
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Posted: 11/14/2012 3:08:19 PM
Thank you, Kristin! I appreciate the thoughts and prayers so much.
I feel like a whiner for asking when so many other have needs much worse than mine.

I think it is all the "little things" that add up often making the big things more impossible to handle.
My beloved Goldendoodle, Murphy, has pancreatitis. He is getting better, but for awhile it was touch & go. He threw up for 3 weeks straight. He's been under his vet's care, but it has been a tough road. Not to mention really tough on my carpets!

Saturday my furnace went out. I got to pay for the lovely $200 Saturday call. (Why does this stuff only happen on the weekends?!) They had to order the part and being that we live where we do, no one has it and it has to be ordered from the lower 48. They are coming back to fix it tomorrow, but it's cold out! It's snowing! My toes are freezing! Downstairs is a balmy 50 degrees IN my house. Upstairs is fine as we have a gas fireplace that heats up the kitchen, family room, my room great. The boys have been treating it like a campout in front of the fire, so that has been fun.

But I could go on and on about the little things... I guess when it rains, it pours.
I'm just hoping for the rainbow very soon!


PeaNut 116,261
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Posted: 11/14/2012 3:12:25 PM
That is a lot and I'm sorry that you are dealing with all of that! Especially without your dh nearby. (((hugs)))

I was called back for a second mammogram recently too. So I understand the way you feel.


May we be consumed with the Creator of all things rather than with things created.

6 rings - no cheating! Go STEELERS!

Holding a grudge is letting someone live rent-free in your head.

Sick of Snow

PeaNut 41,352
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Posted: 11/14/2012 3:12:42 PM
Thank you, Allison and Mimi!

And I should tell my husband more... I try not to shut him out too much. He knows what is going on... I just try not to get all weepy on him. I'll save that for next week when he is home for Thanksgiving! He has no idea all the worry I have pent up and I'm sure the flood gates will unload!

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PeaNut 1,583
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Posted: 11/14/2012 3:41:57 PM
Sending you lots of hugs and prayers!

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PeaNut 90,665
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Posted: 11/14/2012 3:51:14 PM
I know that you're swamped beyond belief, but would it help to get a referral to a bigger facility where you can get answers immediately?

You do have a lot on your plate and so much worry right now. You're in my prayers for quick good news answers and a much calmer, happier road ahead.


I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 428,374
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Posted: 11/14/2012 3:52:44 PM
Wow- I had to take a deep breath just reading all of that! I honestly don't know how you are keeping it all together, although I suppose you really have no choice!

Keep feeling positive about the results of your tests. I have had colon cancer, so I know how scary this can be, but your positive attitude is, I feel, a way for the Lord to reassure you that all will be well- I had that same attitude, even though I was initially scared.

I really wish you would ask someone for help with the hockey transport- you know full well that you would help someone out gladly and you could bless someone else by allowing them to lighten your load.

Finally, you will be in my prayers.

It's not the passage of time that heals. It's what you do with that time.

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 154,236
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Posted: 11/14/2012 4:30:59 PM
I am sending prayers and positive thoughts to you. Also BIG HUGS!


PeaNut 12,171
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Posted: 11/14/2012 4:33:36 PM
Prayers said!


PeaNut 16,260
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Posted: 11/14/2012 4:39:56 PM
Nichole, I am sorry for all you are going through. I will keep you in my prayers.


Barefoot Sister

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Posted: 11/14/2012 4:40:57 PM
Sending you lots of big hugs and prayers. It's doubly tough to go through all that without a good support system nearby. I agree that you should lean on your husband more than you have. Hopefully he can help you get through all this, even long distance.

Good luck with your tests, etc. I'll be thinking about you, and wishing for the best.


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Posted: 11/14/2012 4:47:26 PM
Wow, that is a lot on your plate. I feel so bad for you, but I agree you really need to lean on your Husband. That's all part of your vows, right? seriously, I will keep you in my prayers. I've gone through a lot this last year with my mom and breast cancer. She is stage 3 and it's been the hardest journey for sure. She is doing ok, but there's always the underlying fear. What got me through was prayer. I believe in prayers and I have no doubt they work. Remember, God is in control, sometimes you just need to say, "God this is too much, I need to give it to you." It's ok to do and it actually feels good to do it. I will keep you in my prayers as well. I wish I was there to give you a hug, but I will send them instead...(((hugs))) Remember to breathe and if you go to church reach out to someone there. I'm glad you have your kids, they help as well, and talk to your honey, that's really important too.

Peain' in the Pool

PeaNut 78,065
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Posted: 11/14/2012 5:06:26 PM
((hug)) and prayers!


It only took 11 years

PeaNut 32,283
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Posted: 11/14/2012 5:18:11 PM
Hugs to you, Nicole. You have an awful lot on your shoulders right now. Hoping things will let up and get much better quickly.


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PeaNut 40,938
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Posted: 11/14/2012 5:23:18 PM
oh wow - you really are dealing with a lot!!! I also went through a period with an overwhelming number of major stresses and am happy to say that one by one, each issue was resolved.

I hope you get your health answers quickly and that they are all good ones! Your move sounds like a good one, it will be nice to be together as a family, I'm sure your kids are missing their dad. I hope everything works out in a positive way for you. Big hugs!

XOXO, Kristi ~
When you see crazy coming, cross the street!

Happy now?

PeaNut 156,993
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Posted: 11/14/2012 5:26:52 PM
You have all the hugs and prayers I can muster. I'm so sorry you're going through this.


PeaNut 52,827
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Posted: 11/14/2012 5:39:09 PM
My DIL went through breast cancer, surgery, chemo and radiation when dgd was almost 5 and dgs wad almost 13. My son was out of town working but was always home to go with her to all things.

Her son was going through a rebellious(sp) stage and daughter feeling left out...DIL finally had them sit down with her and my son and they told them everything that was going on and didn't try to hide anything...both of the kids really changed after that and did everything they could for their Mom...

Sometimes the dgs would still get a little out of line and DIL would just tell him she had too much on her mind to worry about him not getting his way and he would stop and say how sorry he was and then things got better again.

Talk to your Sons but don't hold anything back but remember that teenagers have a hard time leaving kids stuff behind and try to grow up too..with their dad being gone and they are going through the change of growing into teenagers there are many things going on with them too.

Lots of Hugs and Prayers going your way for you and your family.


Putting Lanus off with her blinding beauty

PeaNut 139,174
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Posted: 11/14/2012 6:22:20 PM
I'm sorry you're going through all of this. I hope that you get good news from your blood tests and repeat mammograms.

Seriously - ask other parents for help with hockey. I think sports parents are totally used to going in multiple directions and if someone can take that off your plate and it will alleviate some of your stress, I'm sure they'd be happy to do so. You don't have to go into everything, if they know you're trying to get your house ready to go to market, everyone can sympathize with how stressful that is!

Hang in there, hope you get answers soon and have a great visit with your DH next week. Vent here, that's what we're here for!


If we weren't all crazy we would go insane!!!

Monica D
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PeaNut 20,988
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Posted: 11/14/2012 6:29:23 PM
Oh my goodness...that is a LOT to deal with at one time! The only advice I can give is to really try and focus on one day at a time; try (and I know this sounds dumb ) to just think about what you need to get through TODAY, and not about what could happen next week or next month or next year. Give yourself a break and if you need to have a good cry, do it.

I wish I could do something to help, but all I can offer is a big hug and positive thoughts for you and your family. Hang in there!



PeaNut 30,457
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Posted: 11/14/2012 6:30:46 PM
Sending hugs and prayers.

If I was there near you, I would gladly drive your sons around to the rinks. My son played for years...if I close my eyes and breathe in, I can smell the arena !!! God Bless you dear.

~~ Marianne ~~


PeaNut 291,659
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Posted: 11/14/2012 7:59:22 PM
i'm sorry you're going through so much I will keep you in my prayers that things start looking up and you can relax

Sick of Snow

PeaNut 41,352
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Posted: 11/14/2012 8:27:27 PM
Thank you each and every one of you! I appreciate all your sweet words and encouragement. It's nice to know I'm not alone. It helps having a little of the burden taken from my shoulders and just knowing that we all in this together when we hit rough patches!!

I should get my final round of blood tests back by Friday and hopefully a decision will be made with what to do with this mass/cyst/whatever it is.

As far as the follow-up mammogram... I'll call radiology tomorrow. I just really didn't want to deal with it today.

I was one the phone most of the day tracking down my mom's genetic testing. She did the BRCA testing before she passed away and I *know* it was negative for being a breast/ovarian cancer gene carrier. I saw a genetic counselor a few weeks ago and they want this info. Her primary oncologist nor her primary care physician have records of this. It must have been her first oncologist who ordered these tests and sadly, he passed away very quickly of cancer a couple years before my mom. Those records are with the hospital and they want the death certificate, executor of my mom's estate to request... so much paperwork.


PeaNut 294,285
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Posted: 11/15/2012 10:03:54 AM
Oh Nicole, you are SO far from being a whiner. This is more than any one woman should have to handle. It sounds to me like you are amazingly strong.

You are in my prayers! I hope all the tests come back normal.

God Bless.


Thread Killer Extraordinaire

PeaNut 29,166
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Posted: 11/15/2012 11:16:28 AM

You have every right to be freaking out. I'll be praying for you. Wish I could do more.



PeaNut 519,746
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Posted: 11/15/2012 3:02:03 PM
I read your post,and my heart just broke for you. Once you get past the medical hurdle, the rest wont seem as has to be weighing so heavy on your mind. I hope this all passes quickly for you, and things will start to turn around for you, I will keep you in my prayers, as i have been through the ovarian cancer scare, and for me, taking them out was the best option, not to have that worry all the time. and iam also dealing with a 13 year old, who at times, don't even recognize. I hope the results come back quickly and with good news. keep positive thoughts... hugs to you.


PeaNut 219,082
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Posted: 11/15/2012 3:08:41 PM
I'm sorry you have so much on your plate right now. Sending lots of hugs and prayers your way.


Sick of Snow

PeaNut 41,352
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Posted: 11/15/2012 10:16:14 PM
BTT for update. (in case anyone is interested. )

Gail OH
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 108,385
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Posted: 11/16/2012 7:56:15 AM
Good news...

I had all my insides taken out at 36 years old and I took the pills for only 5 daughter did the same but kept off the pills...she decided to have everything out as well...she didn't want to take the chance...better be on the safer side she said she was getting it all done and feel a bit more secure...


Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 428,374
June 2009
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Posted: 11/16/2012 8:04:36 AM
I will continue praying for you. You have a wonderful positive attitude that will get you through this- just remember, you may need to have a cry and scream at some point!

It's not the passage of time that heals. It's what you do with that time.

Dee R.

PeaNut 14,649
April 2001
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Posted: 11/16/2012 8:21:54 AM
Sounds like a good update. Here's prayers that your surgery goes well and they don't find anything that will require more looking into. LOVE your positive attitude, I dont know how you do it but I know that it has to help! Hang in there and don't forget to ask for help when you need it.

Lost and Found in Pea-land

PeaNut 138,098
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Posted: 11/16/2012 9:05:48 AM
You sure have a lot to deal with right now. Sending you good thoughts for a speedy recovery and much peace in the future. ((HUGS))

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 289,166
December 2006
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Posted: 11/16/2012 9:27:19 AM
Thinking about you and your family. I hope it's just a cyst and you have a quick recovery.

To the right, To the right

PeaNut 51,257
October 2002
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Posted: 11/16/2012 9:56:32 AM
Prayers going up for you! I missed this thread the first time around.

PS...You are *so* not a whiner!


"The Constitution is not an instrument for the government to restrain the people, it is an instrument for the people to restrain the government -- lest it come to dominate our lives and interests."
Patrick Henry


PeaNut 371,428
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Posted: 11/16/2012 10:04:03 AM
{{HUGS}} I am so sorry you are going through this. Best wishes for a quick and accurate diagnosis, treatment, and recovery. Please keep us updated and don't ever hesitate to ask for prayers, positive thoughts, or hugs.

Really Red
Pea-ceful and Hap-pea

PeaNut 24,951
November 2001
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Posted: 11/16/2012 10:07:49 AM
Oh my goodness! You are going through so much and all alone. And a 13yo boy to boot. I am sorry. I hope that you are hearing good news and that once the ovary is removed you will be all to rights.

Lots and lots of hugs!


When one door of happiness closes, another opens; But often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.
Helen Keller


PeaNut 231,916
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Posted: 11/16/2012 6:12:36 PM
Prayers have been sent for you and your family.I hope things work out for you.


PeaNut 438,682
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Posted: 11/16/2012 8:04:05 PM
Prayers & ((hugs)) being sent.

luv my bulldoggies

PeaNut 24,213
November 2001
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Posted: 11/16/2012 8:37:45 PM
Whoa!! You poor thing!!! I cannot even imagine having ALL of these things going on at once!! I've
prayed for you (also for your doggie to get better!) and am sending ((( HUGS )))).

If it makes you feel any better, your amazing attitude is wonderful !!! Seriously, I think I'd explode if I had all of these things going on!!!
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