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Posted 11/14/2012 by tmifox in NSBR Board
 

tmifox
PeaAddict

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Posted: 11/14/2012 6:48:57 PM
DS (5) had a friend over tonight. Friends dad came to get him. Friend threw a tantrum about leaving. So what do I do???

(BTW- no judging from this mom who's kids love throwing tantrums!)
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What would you doResults
Stay in the room and awkwardly watch because its impolite to leave the room when a guest is there?
Leave the room awkwardly because its impolite to watch parent desperately pretend like they are in c

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Posted: 11/14/2012 7:05:15 PM
I would say this to the kid:

Listen to your Dad. He might not let you come again if you act like this when he picks you up. We're so glad you came today. We'll do it again soon.



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Tango1*
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

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Posted: 11/14/2012 7:07:00 PM
Maybe you could have said something to the child about how your child had to eat dinner or get ready for bed or have some quiet time, etc. and say that your little Timmy would love to play with him again another time, or whatever you can think of to get the dad off the hook and help the kid transition. And if that didn't work, I might find an excuse to leave the room for a moment so the dad can grab his little one and run while he's screaming thank you to you and running to his car.

mypixiegirl
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Posted: 11/14/2012 7:09:17 PM
I have no idea, I would probably stay.
I used to babysit the neighbours little girl and she would throw the biggest tantrums. One time her dad was right on time to see her standing in the corner screaming. The look on his face when I told him she couldn't go home until she was quiet for two minutes was priceless. He sat down had a coffee and waited. He also went home told his wife and started using the corner at home.
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e_doe
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Posted: 11/14/2012 8:27:24 PM
Leaving a place or transitioning to a new activity can really trigger a meltdown. When my nephew was that age, I would prep him for changes, like "Ok, in 10 minutes, we're going to do the next thing." Now I do this to all kids.

If I do that and the kid still throws a tantrum, I let the parent handle it. Walking away is fine. I mean, the dad walked in, so he can probably find his way out.
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tmifox
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Posted: 11/14/2012 9:50:17 PM
So I hovered a bit. We didn't have a set time for friend to leave. So I couldn't prepare him. I kind of was in and out of the room, trying to help, but not be in the way... Me and DH had a laugh over what dad said. " ok, you are grounded from tv and video games" kid: "for how long? Like a week?" Dad "no, like for always!" And then that started a whole new meltdown!
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KittenOnTheKeys
PeaFixture

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Posted: 11/14/2012 9:52:31 PM
I still use the countdown method - in 10 minutes...in 5 minutes



KittenOnTheKeys
PeaFixture

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Posted: 11/14/2012 9:52:40 PM
I still use the countdown method - in 10 minutes...in 5 minutes



sharonmnc
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Posted: 11/15/2012 5:40:44 AM

Listen to your Dad. He might not let you come again if you act like this when he picks you up. We're so glad you came today. We'll do it again soon.

This. I would also have sweetly given him a "tantrum place" where he could carry on until he was finished. It would be someplace where he couldn't command any attention for the tantrum. Mine was the bottom of the stairs or a chair in another room.

This kid is 5?


Sharon

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peaname
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Posted: 11/15/2012 6:15:48 AM
I've been there! Except the boy was 6. His mom came in to get him, he threw a fit. She was begging and pleading with him. Then she went to go get the dad. He begged, pleaded, threatened, and finally picked the kid up and hauled him out of my house. I stood there, mouth agape and never contacted them again.


"People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Charabby
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 11/15/2012 7:09:54 AM
Well he's 5 so dad should have picked him up and carried him out, but I digress.

I probably would awkwardly stand there until they left. I personally wouldn't intervene by saying anything to the kid. That is because one of my dd's is high strung and a tantrumer until around that age and I was embarrassed enough without also feeling like the other parent declared me inadequate and had to intervene. Plus I would have picked up said child before that and carried her out.

(I know it's hard for many parents to understand but not all tantrums are born from being spoiled. One of my kids to this day is very emotional. She did outgrow tantrums but hers were severe and lasted until about 5, maybe 6. Not due to being spoiled though. Sorry, tangent that is not in response to any post here).

If my child enjoyed playing with tantrumer, I'd still have the kid over but that's a kid i would have a predetermined leaving time with, to make it easier on me.


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