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ScrappinFan
PeaNut
PeaNut 224,659
September 2005
Posts: 139
Layouts: 0
 |  Posted: 11/20/2012 11:50:04 AM
I used to care if people didn't like me and would try to convert the dislikers, like a kill 'em with kindness thing. This was in my 20's and early 30's. Now that I'm in my early 40's, I'm finding I really don't care if someone doesn't like me. I know for a fact that one of my co-workers doesn't like me, and quite frankly, I don't like her neither. LOL But now that I'm a bit older, I just don't care. 
What about you?? Does it bother you? How do you deal with people you know don't like you?
Just curious as I sit here at work with the gal who doesn't like me.....LOL | |
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houstonsandy
PeaAddict
PeaNut 51,887
October 2002
Posts: 1,251
Layouts: 18
Loc: houston, tx
 | Posted: 11/20/2012 11:53:11 AM
Doesn't bother me if they don't like me as long as they are still "civil" to me. |
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CrankyPea
AncestralPea
PeaNut 16,004
May 2001
Posts: 4,705
Layouts: 0
 | Posted: 11/20/2012 11:56:39 AM
I'm very similar to you in that I found entering my 40's to be a liberating experience. I realized that for the first time in my life I'm fine with people not liking me, and I am comfortable just being myself - like me or don't, I don't really care. |
Angie
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize,
I don't care." Dave Barry
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yungmom
Just Me
PeaNut 15,437
May 2001
Posts: 28,629
Layouts: 111
Loc: Salt Lake
 | Posted: 11/20/2012 11:59:17 AM
Depends on what you mean by "bother". I don't like it when people don't like me, but if liking means I need to change something I can't or am not willing to change then I figure it is their problem. The thing that bothers me the most is when I don't know why they don't like me or when their feelings are based on bad assumptions. |
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*theCakeGirl*
PeaFixture
PeaNut 220
April 1999
Posts: 3,504
Layouts: 148
Loc: Upstate NY
 | Posted: 11/20/2012 12:01:03 PM
I'm in my mid thirties and frankly don't give a flying frog if someone doesn't like me. I am a good person and treat people with respect and kindness but as a military wife I have seen more than my fair share of cattiness from the neighborhood queen bee. If you aren't accepted nobody likes you, reguardless of who you are or what you do so I gave up a long time ago trying to convert the dislikers. Either you like me or you don't.  |
http://www.nomadescollection.com/denisem
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Compwalla
Pastafarian Pea
PeaNut 11,942
March 2001
Posts: 19,833
Layouts: 39
Loc: Vacaville, CA
| Posted: 11/20/2012 12:03:18 PM
Not really. I don't like everyone I meet, after all. I don't expect everyone I meet to like me. |
Virginia
I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires. --Susan B. Anthony
Blog link - Dryer Lint
Aprons and More | |
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KikiNichole
HandSlapPea Pea
PeaNut 69,597
February 2003
Posts: 27,025
Layouts: 2
Loc: Follow the Yellow Brick Road
| Posted: 11/20/2012 12:04:59 PM
It depends on *why* they don't like me. I would hate to be disliked over a misunderstanding or perception based on miscommunication of some sorts.
It hurts me to think I've hurt someone. But I no longer live where I try to please the unpleasable either.
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pynk E
PeaNut 48,314
September 2002
Posts: 13,259
Layouts: 295
| Posted: 11/20/2012 12:05:38 PM
I'm like you, ScrappinFan. It used to bother me because I didnt understand why. Now I realize that two great people may have too much in common or not enough in common to be compatible. | |
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asr70
PeaAddict
PeaNut 508,279
May 2011
Posts: 1,047
Layouts: 0
 | Posted: 11/20/2012 12:08:37 PM
No, I don't really care if people like me or not. |
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Epeanymous
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 15,108
May 2001
Posts: 2,159
Layouts: 1
| Posted: 11/20/2012 12:09:28 PM
I turned 40 this spring and really have noticed that "do people like me?" issues roll off my back much more easily these days. I wouldn't say I don't care at all. I do. But I care a lot less than I used to. | |
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busypea
boring + nerdy
PeaNut 52,817
October 2002
Posts: 25,155
Layouts: 145
Loc: Oregon
| Posted: 11/20/2012 12:10:44 PM
No.
I don't like everyone and I don't expect everyone to like me. As long as everyone acts like polite adults and doesn't backbite or act rude, it's all good.
I am not going to spend time trying to make someone like me. If they don't like me for who I am, that's OK. Not everyone is compatible.
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crimsoncat05
PeaFixture
PeaNut 273,602
August 2006
Posts: 3,295
Layouts: 99
Loc: Phoenix, AZ area
 | Posted: 11/20/2012 12:10:47 PM
nope... at least, not anymore. I have always been a people pleaser (to the point of personal stress and anxiety, even making myself physically ill over it, when I was growing up), so it was a long time coming, but over the past few years (I'm 43 yrs old) I've finally 'gotten over it' so to speak.
I do 'like' it when I'm well-liked by the people in my life (my co-workers, etc) and I'm generally pleasant to most everyone I encounter, but if someone doesn't like me, I won't set out to try and change their opinion of me. (I was in regular counseling for a number of years for anxiety and depression, and it helped immensely to understand where some of those perfectionist and people-pleasing tendencies came from, and how it affected all aspects of my life- sometimes to my detriment. It was very beneficial to learn those things about myself.)
And if someone doesn't like me for whatever reason, I don't take it personally any more, either (or at least I try not to) and I don't let it bother me. My close friends and family, that's different-- but I've found that life is too short to focus on what random strangers think of me. (one of my favorite Dr. Seuss quotes sums it up: "Be who you are and say what you mean, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind!"
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"Accepting anything without question is the antithesis of critical thinking and education. ~wren*walk, 8/20/12"
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domoo
OMG....Did I really say that out loud?
PeaNut 262,693
May 2006
Posts: 5,761
Layouts: 7
Loc: Louisville, K
| Posted: 11/20/2012 12:10:50 PM
Yes, it bothers me a lot. |
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CraftChickaPowPow
PeaAddict
PeaNut 477,269
August 2010
Posts: 1,459
Layouts: 0
Loc: N 4720.2 W 12206.2
| Posted: 11/20/2012 12:11:12 PM
the older I get the less I care. 99 times out of 100 the feeling is mutual going in. |
| They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken. | |
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ilovebuble
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 539,539
January 2012
Posts: 2,462
Layouts: 0
 | Posted: 11/20/2012 12:14:08 PM
Nope, it doesn't bother me. But I still treat every person with respect and dignity regardless of how they feel about me. I refuse to stoop down to a level of nastiness. I have a very good childhood friend that is married to a very mean and controlling woman. She does not like me or my family. She is still always extended an invitation to our home if we want to see her husband because she is his wife and we need to respect that. | |
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auntkelly
BOOMER SOONER!
PeaNut 142,266
April 2004
Posts: 8,203
Layouts: 0
Loc: Texas
 | Posted: 11/20/2012 12:17:40 PM
I care a lot about whether people like me.
I don't let people take advantage of me, but for some reason if I sense that a co-worker or friend of a friend doesn't like me, I'll go out of my way to develop a friendship with that person.
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Sparehead3
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 446,722
November 2009
Posts: 2,166
Layouts: 5
Loc: PNW USA
 | Posted: 11/20/2012 12:25:04 PM
A little, especially if I don't know why.
There is a dad with kids at my kids school that avoids me like I have the plague and I don't know why. Every time I'm at our kids school or run into him at the grocery store it kind of rubs it in.
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back to *pea*ality
PeaFixture
PeaNut 471,633
June 2010
Posts: 3,700
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 11/20/2012 12:27:07 PM
No. I think as we get older and more comfortable in our own skin what others think of us -good or bad is less important. | |
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jen1021
BucketHead
PeaNut 327,283
July 2007
Posts: 737
Layouts: 0
 | Posted: 11/20/2012 12:32:04 PM
I am a teacher and it used to bother me a lot when parents didn't like me. Over the last few years I reflected on what these parents were saying. I realized they didn't like me because I have high expectations and I push students. I don't accept work that is not done to the child's full potential. And I am not shy about letting parents know when I believe a child needs more support at home. I realized that if those are the reasons parents don't like me that's ok. I know I am doing my job, and doing it well, and students leave me more competent, confident, and with better skills then they had at the beginning of the year. I take pride in my reputation as a tough teacher. As for other people who don't like me for whatever reason...tough patooties. |
Jen
OLW: Better
Jan: 6 (and counting!) | |
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SueSume
AncestralPea
PeaNut 262,757
May 2006
Posts: 4,596
Layouts: 5
Loc: Big Bottom Valley
| Posted: 11/20/2012 12:32:27 PM
What?!!
Who doesn't like me??
What did they say?
Nah, not so much any more. But I remember being  in high school when I found out someone didn't like me. I mean, really, how could she NOT?
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Sue Who? SueASume, SueSume, who cares?
Reality is made up of words.-Ferdinando Buscema
Words are hard.-Hannah Kelly
NSBR: "We're like a big damn disfunctional family. We'll beat the crap out of each other, and it's ok, but dammit, if an outsider turns on one of ours, we circle the wagons." -Free~Bird
Used with permission & with 9% royality fee paid annually. Starting next year. Honest | |
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emilymae8
BucketHead
PeaNut 535,248
December 2011
Posts: 762
Layouts: 28
| Posted: 11/20/2012 12:37:52 PM
Nope. I don't care if you don't like me. I probably don't like you either.
However, if you don't like me but act like you do and I find out your true feelings, I will be hurt and annoyed. I just don't like to waste my time building friendships with people who don't really care. |
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Ursula Schneider
BucketHead
PeaNut 97,497
July 2003
Posts: 992
Layouts: 94
Loc: Southeastern Arizona
| Posted: 11/20/2012 12:38:32 PM
Doesn't bother me if they don't like me as long as they are still "civil" to me.
and
Depends on what you mean by "bother". I don't like it when people don't like me, but if liking means I need to change something I can't or am not willing to change then I figure it is their problem. The thing that bothers me the most is when I don't know why they don't like me or when their feelings are based on bad assumptions.
I try to ascertain if I need to address something myself. Not that I can please everyone, but I do want my character to grow rather than stagnate. |
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Peabay
Happy now?
PeaNut 156,993
July 2004
Posts: 44,653
Layouts: 13
Loc: Connecticut
 | Posted: 11/20/2012 12:47:25 PM
It used to, but now I don't give a shit.
One of the joys of getting older.  |
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Deanne525
BucketHead
PeaNut 39,183
May 2002
Posts: 963
Layouts: 339
| Posted: 11/20/2012 12:51:44 PM
I wish it could say it didnt bother me...but it eats at me!! I seriuosly could not like a person, but if i hear that same person doesnt like me i'll be like "why, what did i ever do?" lol
My 40th is coming up in the spring. i really hope that the older i get the less i care if someone likes me or not. the people who really matter like me and thats all that i should care about! | |
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Ms. GreenGenes
PeaFixture
PeaNut 140,500
April 2004
Posts: 3,617
Layouts: 44
Loc: Just this side of crazy!
| Posted: 11/20/2012 12:52:13 PM
Absolutely Do. Not. Care.
It's freeing. |
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~KimPea~
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 197,450
March 2005
Posts: 2,157
Layouts: 0
Loc: tangled in Freeney's spin move
| Posted: 11/20/2012 12:53:40 PM
Nope, doesn't bother me at all. |
| Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. Mark Twain | |
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~scrap-it-all~
PeaFixture
PeaNut 7,143
October 2000
Posts: 3,677
Layouts: 0
Loc: IL
| Posted: 11/20/2012 12:55:05 PM
Sorta. I'm in my *gasp* mid 40s, and I live in a small community. I have been snubbed by a few women or groups of women in the last 11 years that I've lived here. (lots of cliques around here) It hurts my feelings, but not to the extent it used to. I just find myself shaking my head about it instead of crying in my pillow like when I was younger. And with some people I don't care AT ALL. |
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a scrappin gal
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 208,960
June 2005
Posts: 2,474
Layouts: 12
Loc: Somewhere
| Posted: 11/20/2012 12:57:14 PM
Like a lot of us, it did when I was "younger", then I hit my 40s & realized that it all doesn't matter - now that I am 53 - they all can "kiss my grits". Best 13 years of my life! | |
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Pretty In PeaNK
PeaFixture
PeaNut 417,489
March 2009
Posts: 3,985
Layouts: 2
 | Posted: 11/20/2012 12:59:10 PM
I care a lot about whether people like me.
I don't let people take advantage of me, but for some reason if I sense that a co-worker or friend of a friend doesn't like me, I'll go out of my way to develop a friendship with that person.
This is me. I wish I didn't care, but I do. I'm getting so much better though now that I've realized sometimes you're just not compatible, or they have their own deep seeded issues that really have nothing to do with me.
Now, if a complete stranger says something rude or whatever, that doesn't bother me one bit. It's people I have relationships with that bother me. |
| "How are we going to get rid of racism? Stop talking about it!"--Morgan Freeman | |
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karmatir
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 262,248
May 2006
Posts: 2,140
Layouts: 17
Loc: Omaha, Nebraska
| Posted: 11/20/2012 1:01:56 PM
I used to. It used to leave me in tears. But honestly a lot of really awful dates/boyfriends after my divorce from my first husband at all of 25 plus some massive soul searching cured me of that. I no longer care at all. Just don't be a jerk to me and we will get along fine.
This does not play well into some people's games. I'm having issues with a co-worker because I don't give in to her drama bs. She thinks its because I have some personal grudge against her when it has nothing to do with that and is entirely because I do not like her and do not care whether she likes me or not. Cue more drama on her part. Yeah. Issues. |
~Missy
Pieces of {my} Earth
(my fashion/style, sometimes off-topic, usually random, always geeky blog)
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Simply_Lovely
PeaFixture
PeaNut 463,295
April 2010
Posts: 3,282
Layouts: 3
Loc: New York City
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MergeLeft
Typical Liberal
PeaNut 221,236
August 2005
Posts: 19,086
Layouts: 67
Loc: Houston
| Posted: 11/20/2012 1:10:58 PM
It bothers me if the kids at school don't like me or don't like my class. It's actually pretty rare - I aim hard to balance work with fun. But it bothers me if they don't.
With adults, I don't care. I used to, but I'm pushing 40 now and I realize that it takes all kinds, and everyone isn't going to like everyone else. |
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JBeans
Tampons. Not just for Xmas ornaments anymore.
PeaNut 200,953
April 2005
Posts: 8,205
Layouts: 157
Loc: Between Diaperland and Snotsville
| Posted: 11/20/2012 1:14:19 PM
No, because the reality is, in life, not everyone is going to like you, so you can let that bother you and eat you up, or you can accept that truth and go on. |
Well Peas, I believe this thread has gone Thrusday.
"The Pot has not just met the Kettle, they are getting jiggy on the top of the stove." -Lanus | |
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AKathy
Peaing From Podunk
PeaNut 45,443
August 2002
Posts: 14,557
Layouts: 93
Loc: North Dakota
| Posted: 11/20/2012 1:14:49 PM
Not in the least |
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tifftiff2
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 283,357
November 2006
Posts: 2,293
Layouts: 6
Loc: Idaho, USA
| Posted: 11/20/2012 1:22:38 PM
I wish I could say no, but its not true. It totally bothers me. |
~Tiffany
5D Mark II
50mm 1.2L | 100mm 2.8 | 135mm 2.0L
AB800 | Pocketwizard Plus | LumoPro LP160 | iMac | CS5 | |
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Kristalina
Never mind, I forgot what I was going to say.
PeaNut 40,938
June 2002
Posts: 8,443
Layouts: 45
Loc: Middle of the Monterey Bay - Ca.
| Posted: 11/20/2012 1:23:15 PM
I wish I could say not at all but it does if I like/respect that person.
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XOXO, Kristi . . . . . my Pinterest !
When you see crazy coming, cross the street! | |
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deragirl
PeaAddict
PeaNut 300,444
February 2007
Posts: 1,812
Layouts: 77
Loc: Montana
| Posted: 11/20/2012 1:23:54 PM
Does it bother me? yeah, I would prefer to be well liked.
Do I evaluate why they don't like me? Pretty much.
Do I change the way I am? Only if I realize I've done something offensive that I don't have some core belief to justify.
So basically, it bothers me, cues self eval, but does not dictate who I will be. |
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Mrs Smarty Pants
PEAing Like R. Kelly
PeaNut 180,865
December 2004
Posts: 13,439
Layouts: 0
Loc: Brooklyn, NY/Now Newark NJ
| Posted: 11/20/2012 1:27:43 PM
Nope. Never. Not even a tiny bit.
And now that I've reached this "magical" age of 40 where evidently most people stop caring?
You can bet I'll care even less - as if that was possible. | |
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~*kristina*~
Typical Liberal Pea
PeaNut 55,230
November 2002
Posts: 17,507
Layouts: 106
Loc: Hawkeye Nation
| Posted: 11/20/2012 1:28:18 PM
Nope. There are people I don't like, therefore there will be people who don't like me. |
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tinkgumby
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 281,136
October 2006
Posts: 2,262
Layouts: 6
Loc: DFW, TX
| Posted: 11/20/2012 1:29:22 PM
I'll admit I'm a little hurt and confused when I find out someone dislikes me, because I genuinely try to be friendly with everyone, and so don't understand what I could have done to make someone feel that way.
And then I try to get over it and move on. Like has been said, sometimes there are just personality differences, and life is too short to stress over that. (Their loss, right?) |
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TREZmom
Lost and Found in Pea-land
PeaNut 138,098
March 2004
Posts: 5,809
Layouts: 2
Loc: NC but wishing I was somewhere else
| Posted: 11/20/2012 1:32:14 PM
I used to care, but not anymore (I'm also in my 40's). | |
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beanbuddymom
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 370,521
April 2008
Posts: 2,701
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 11/20/2012 1:32:44 PM
Yes it does actually. It shouldn't, but it does.
Like, I sat here this morning in kind of a huff going through Facebook because I was going to be damned if I was going to comment on someone's death of her CAT when she couldn't be bothered to make note of the passing of my FATHER. I thought to myself, gee this person is my friend on facebook, but clearly she doesn't even like me - I mean seriously what the heck? It was one of many people I considered this morning.
So yes, when it occurs to me that someone may not like me - as much as it should not bother me, it does. Right now I am going through that "everyone sucks" mode because I am realizing how many people I thought that were in my life DID like me or feel I was part of their world - and I realize that I clearly had no part of their world, nor did they even like me - or be considered in any shape or form. |
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cropduster
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 250,388
February 2006
Posts: 5,639
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 11/20/2012 1:34:36 PM
I'll admit I'm a little hurt and confused when I find out someone dislikes me, because I genuinely try to be friendly with everyone, and so don't understand what I could have done to make someone feel that way.
And then I try to get over it and move on. Like has been said, sometimes there are just personality differences, and life is too short to stress over that. (Their loss, right?)
Ditto! |
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~Alison~
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 268,398
July 2006
Posts: 2,566
Layouts: 4
Loc: New York
| Posted: 11/20/2012 1:36:57 PM
Nope. But I'm not really a people person. I'm pleasant to everyone but I don't really go out of my way to make chit chat with those I'm not close to. | |
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cocoanmom
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 285,775
November 2006
Posts: 2,624
Layouts: 31
| Posted: 11/20/2012 1:37:27 PM
Yes it does bother me in certain circumstances. This one is bothering me a lot right now. My DD dances and there is a certain group of Moms who have become very good friends. I was in that group till recently. I was included in everything. But once DD started to do well at competitions and conventions I was not included as much or at all. I do let DD have sleepovers and such with the daughters. But I have felt frozen out by the Moms and it did hurt my feelings. I thought they were my friends..but I guess not.
A recent event is one mom invited everyone to her home for pizza after an event. I was standing right next to her and she invited the owner of the studio in front of me. DD and I were not invited. But her DD is sleeping over tonight at my home.
I think I am too nice. | |
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Mary Mary
NOT IN UTAH
PeaNut 140,474
April 2004
Posts: 34,769
Layouts: 13
Loc: Pemberley
| Posted: 11/20/2012 1:38:34 PM
It does a little, but I'm getting better.
If I don't like you, I don't care. But, if I like you and you can't stand me? Yeah, that drives me crazy.
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Sparki
PeaAddict
PeaNut 217,057
August 2005
Posts: 1,432
Layouts: 5
Loc: Northern New Mexico
| Posted: 11/20/2012 1:41:17 PM
I'm looking forward to not caring! Right now though, it hurts a lot. I don't go to extremes or anything to change things. I just continue to be me, but it still hurts. I want to be liked. I try to be a good person, a nice person. |
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squillen
Tier 1 Baking Pea
PeaNut 133,550
February 2004
Posts: 39,550
Layouts: 321
Loc: Hudson Valley, NY
| Posted: 11/20/2012 1:42:41 PM
I'll admit I'm a little hurt and confused when I find out someone dislikes me, because I genuinely try to be friendly with everyone, and so don't understand what I could have done to make someone feel that way.
And then I try to get over it and move on. Like has been said, sometimes there are just personality differences, and life is too short to stress over that. (Their loss, right?)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ditto!
Double ditto. I'm not sure who wouldn't like me though. I'm pretty kick butt awesome.  And I give friends cookies and pie and cake. |
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PhotoHorse
PeaFixture
PeaNut 66,309
February 2003
Posts: 3,091
Layouts: 13
Loc: Central Iowa
| Posted: 11/20/2012 1:46:28 PM
I don't care if it doesn't affect our relationship. There's one gal in town that drives me crazy. There's no reason for us to interact, so if she dislikes me it's fine.
On the other hand, I know as a coach that I am disliked by some parents. I try to figure out why I'm picking up on those vibes. For some families, I'm sure that pleasing their daughter will compromise a lot of my principles and philosophies. With that in mind, I still try to treat their daughter well and line her up like I would any other person with similar skills. I just know that I'll never hear them say something that will validate my decision.
An example from last year: One of my 7th graders ran a great half mile so I lined her up for one in the next meet. Her mom called me to tell me that the girl was really upset and didn't want to run any more half miles. Well what if every one of my runners told me what they wanted to run? I'd have 40 girls in the 100 and no one in the 1500.
I thought I had covered the whole "I'll line up the runners and everyone will run a half" kind of thing at the parent meeting. Nope. She and her family heard me say, "A half" and interpreted that to mean ONE half. After she'd run one at one meet, she figured she was done. I guess I'll reword it next time.
So, I'm sure they hated me during track season, but I can honestly say I treated her like any other runner with similar skills. She grew as a runner and was on two record-setting relays. I must have had a little knowledge of what to do and what she could do, but I'm sure they'll never admit that.
And as an aside to the story, not everyone one of my 45 middle school runners runs a half or the 1500 during the year. Everyone needs to know they MIGHT run a half, but I don't put the super overweight or the asthmatic or the true non-runner girls who will walk the whole thing in the half. But if I do, I expect them to compete at the best of their ability. | |
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miominmio
BucketHead
PeaNut 497,330
January 2011
Posts: 699
Layouts: 0
Loc: Where the polar bears live
| Posted: 11/20/2012 1:47:21 PM
Don't bother me a bit, as long as they behave and I'm in my early 40ies too. | |
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