Do You Have These Types of People on Your Gift List?

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Posted 11/27/2012 by KikiNichole in NSBR Board
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KikiNichole

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Posted: 11/27/2012 8:28:14 AM
The kind that will not really give you any idea of what they want but will also be the very first, when you try without their help to find something you *think* they will enjoy, to say...'Eh. No thank you. That's really not my thing'.

I am so discouraged with a couple family members right now. I *love* to give gifts...I love shopping for just the right thing...but I'm at a loss with these two.

In years past, I've really tried to listen throughout the year to conversation where they've mentioned things they'd like to do or have...and was really excited to give them those things. Until I found out that no matter what I do or come up with, even if it is something they have mentioned in passing, it's never just *right*. You know?

They're just not very good gift receivers. They're not unappreciative, really...it's just that they are so, I don't know what the word is...picky? But I'm not even sure that's right...it's part of it, but it's more that they really don't get excited about much.

I've asked, once again, for suggestions and this is what I have so far, and this is after practically begging for ideas: From one: ink for the printer. From the other: a whisk. Yes, that's right. A whisk.

It makes me want to scream with frustration...but my husband gets irritated with me because he says they've given me suggestions and I'm just not happy with them. I'm trying to control what they want.

I guess in a way, I am. But I've always thought the gift giving part of Christmas was supposed to be about things you wouldn't normally splurge on yourself.

I hate giving things people can buy with their groceries at their weekend stop to Walmart. It's just not very much fun at all.


~Kristen~

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Posted: 11/27/2012 8:29:21 AM
We cut the gifts out. None of us need anything and when it becomes that much of a challenge, it's simply not worth it.




KikiNichole

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Posted: 11/27/2012 8:31:43 AM
I forgot to add, cutting the gifts altogether was my suggestion, but I was vetoed on that.

And I guess that's what frustrates me: if you *want* to exchange gifts, than give some ideas. Otherwise, what's the point?



~Kristen~

GrinningCat
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Posted: 11/27/2012 8:35:42 AM
So get a super duper snazzy whip set, with a variety of sizes and shapes for different methods. Most of the whips available with groceries are not good quality, so splurge on one or a bunch of different sizes.

As for the printer ink, no idea.

And I hate the whole cutting out gifts idea for Christmas, it's such a fun sucker to me.

PEArfect
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Posted: 11/27/2012 8:35:51 AM
What about a gift certificate to their favorite restaurant?


Jen


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Posted: 11/27/2012 8:37:25 AM
My rule is that all of my grown kids have to make out an Amazon Wish List. Makes it so much easier!




AKathy
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Posted: 11/27/2012 8:38:14 AM

We cut the gifts out. None of us need anything and when it becomes that much of a challenge, it's simply not worth it.


This is exactly what we've done and it makes the holidays so much more enjoyable. I still buy gifts for my grandkids but that's it.

If you got vetoed on forgoing the gifts, I would buy them exactly what they asked for then. Yes it's no fun for you but it doesn't sound like it's any fun when the reject the gift you buy either. Save yourself the time and headache and stick to their lists. Save the fun stuff for those who appreciate it.


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MergeLeft
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Posted: 11/27/2012 8:38:38 AM
They sound like the people who already have everything they need and want that would be in a gift-appropriate price range. Why not donate to a charity that is important to them in their names? Or give the gift of time - buy tickets for you to go to a concert with them, or a gift card to have your nails done together, or something like that.

Honestly, I'm that person, and I'm sorry to be that person, but I am. My small 'wants' are few and I tend to have the means to meet them myself. My MIL gets irritated with me because she wants to 'spoil' me, and while I am always gracious and appreciative of whatever she gives me, the honest truth is that you're not going to 'spoil' me with material things on a $50 budget. I'd rather she donated the money to charity or arranged for us to have lunch together or something like that.



icedpea
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Posted: 11/27/2012 8:41:09 AM
The Amazon wish list is a great idea.

I have these types of people on my list and I hate to admit I AM one of these hard to buy for people. It is not that I don't get excited about anything or appreciate things though. I grew up with money being very tight. As an adult, I have trouble spending money on myself. If someone buys something for me, I feel almost guilty if it is not something that I really NEED. Does that make sense?

However, I would never say "eh, that's not really for me". I would accept the gift.

BabyBokChoy
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Posted: 11/27/2012 8:41:28 AM
OP, you seem to describe me well. LOL. I've gone so far to suggest that we just exchange money, LOL. Perfectly acceptable in Chinese culture, as long as it's in a red packet. LOL.


I hate giving things people can buy with their groceries at their weekend stop to Walmart. It's just not very much fun at all.


See, that's the thing, I gave them ideas, and they all have this same reaction as quoted above. If the gift giving is about the recipient, then why not get her the whisk she could pick up at the grocery store? If it is about the gift giver, then pick out what you like and give it Their reaction be darned!


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eebud
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Posted: 11/27/2012 8:42:36 AM

So get a super duper snazzy whip set, with a variety of sizes and shapes for different methods. Most of the whips available with groceries are not good quality, so splurge on one or a bunch of different sizes.

This is what I would do for the whisk.

As for the printer ink, I would buy them printer ink.

For people that I really have no idea what to get them, I usually buy consumables. I try to find something that is a bit fancier than the usual foods or maybe something that is only available around Christmas like Williams-Sonoma Peppermint Bark. That is usually a hit with people that I know.

***ETA

'Eh. No thank you. That's really not my thing'.

I can't imagine EVER saying this to someone who gave me a gift, no matter what it was. On the rare occasion that I have received a gift that I really can't use or don't want, I will find someone who can use it to give it to (not a regift, just giving it to someone that I think can use it) or I will exchange it myself for something else.





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Mrs Smarty Pants
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Posted: 11/27/2012 8:42:38 AM
My dad - doesn't want or need anything. In the past few years we have bought him stuff where we saw a "need":

- a 40" "smart" tv for his bedroom with bluray player and a wireless router (so he can watch netflix, etc).
- a new computer with touch screen monitor (we thought it would help him to use it if he could just 'tap' on what he wanted vs using the mouse)
- a digital frame that I pre-loaded with about 150 photos & a garmin GPS


My husband - doesn't want or need anything. In the past month he has bought himself what WOULD have been some of his xmas gifts:

- a 64g iPad mini
- a 64g iTouch 5th gen
- Black Ops2 care package edition

My 9yo son - who doesn't speak and is really only interested in his iPads. We take him to Toys R Us to see if anything "interests" him, and he just wants to go back to the car & get his iPad.


ME - I got so much last year for xmas AND for our yearly Dec 27 shopping trip (we go out and buy the ONE thing we didn't get that we really wanted) that I have nothing left to "want". My DH keeps making suggestions and none of them are anything I want to spend (read: waste) money on.


I don't even want to put the xmas tree up, I'm just so blah about everything this year.

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Posted: 11/27/2012 8:46:39 AM

So get a super duper snazzy whip set, with a variety of sizes and shapes for different methods. Most of the whips available with groceries are not good quality, so splurge on one or a bunch of different sizes.


I second that.

For the ink, maybe a gayly wrapped box with one ink refill cartridge in it, plus an office supply store gift card, so that they can get exactly the kind of ink they want when they want it.



*Stop the glorification of busy*

gritzi
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Posted: 11/27/2012 8:49:08 AM
Those types aren't easy to buy for!

Most people say that I'm hard to buy for and that I'm too picky. I have no idea why because those who truly know me (husband, family close friends) should know my interests. I enjoy wine, chocolate, cooking/aprons, Bath & Body Works candles, Starbucks, dining out. Sadly I rarely have any surprises or unknown presents to open.

I love to shop for the perfect gift for each person. It's frustrating when you think you found *the* gift only to realize the person wasn't that thrilled.

Is it safe to assume the whisk person enjoys cooking? If so, incorporate a cooking theme to the gift, depending on your budget. I love to cook so a quality whisk would put a huge smile on my face.

If they enjoy cooking/baking, add an apron, a fun mixing bowl, some wooden spoons (Pampered Chef's are nice/quality) or similar items. On occasion Big Lots will have Williams Sonoma holiday cookbooks for cheap.

The printer ink gift wouldn't excite me at all. You could always add a ream of paper?!

purplepackrat
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Posted: 11/27/2012 8:51:40 AM
You mean someone with borderline personality disorder whom you can't cut off the list? Yea, I have one of those.

She is not into anything. She has no hobbies. She doesn't read. She doesn't enjoy anything. Well, until Fifty Shades, but I'm not going there for a Christmas gift. She doesn't even usually know what she herself wants.

She knows she is like this and refuses to become a gracious gift receiver. I think what she enjoys it and what gives her the most pleasure is having people put themselves out trying to please her.

I've tried clothes. She returns them and buys stuff for the kids. I've tried housewares: cookware, dishes, decor, bed clothing. Nope. When she was newly married and had no holiday items, I did table linens for each season. You never, ever see that stuff out. She just can't be be bothered to get in her "cubby" to get it out. I've done spa GCs, I've done Broadway shows. I've even tried items that are Pea certified. I seriously can't think of anything that is appropriate for me to give that I haven't tried.

Last year, for the first time, she made a list and I gave her two items from the list. She was not happy. And, she has not yet taken out those items that she specifically requested and used them.

Every year, I tell myself not to try to "please" her, but it is hard not to want her to smile when she opens a gift, kwim?



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Casii
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Posted: 11/27/2012 8:55:25 AM

Honestly, I'm that person, and I'm sorry to be that person, but I am. My small 'wants' are few and I tend to have the means to meet them myself. My MIL gets irritated with me because she wants to 'spoil' me, and while I am always gracious and appreciative of whatever she gives me, the honest truth is that you're not going to 'spoil' me with material things on a $50 budget. I'd rather she donated the money to charity or arranged for us to have lunch together or something like that.
I'm a lot like this. I have taken to telling relatives that one of my favorite gifts ever was when a friend donated a flock of chickens in my name through World Vision or Compassion International (I forget which). Honest Abe. That excited me more than all the nice, but unneeded gifts I've received in years to know a family would get the gift of food and a means to begin supporting themselves. This past birthday someone donated goats in my name. I cried I was so excited. I'm weird like that.


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KikiNichole

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Posted: 11/27/2012 9:00:18 AM



And I hate the whole cutting out gifts idea for Christmas, it's such a fun sucker to me.


I do too. Trust me. Christmas is my favorite holiday for so many reasons, one of them is gift giving. But I think that's why these two are so difficult for me...because there's no *fun* involved. It's just stress...and failure.

I like the idea of going all out with the whisks, but I can already predict how that will go: It will be 'Oh. This is nice. But I'll never use these. I just wanted the one.

The gift certificate to a restaurant is a good idea...they have *one* restaurant they eat at quite regularly. I didn't think of that because I generally try to steer clear of gift cards. Love to get them, hate to give them.

And MSP, in the past, we've tried to do those types of things, bought stuff where we saw a need.

We've done Ipods, laptops, E-readers...all returned.

In fact, this year, I made mention of a new microwave because she still has one from sometime in the '70's. It's huge and has the dial control. And she has a *very* small kitchen, so I thought she might like to have an over the range, smaller, more up to date microwave installed. Nope. This one cooks just to her liking.

Oh, and she still has a wall mounted phone with the big long spiral-y cord hanging down. I suggested a portable phone but she's afraid she won't be able to figure out how to use it.

She mentioned she'd like to have a new winter coat. Perfect! I told her to pick out a couple different styles she liked and I'd see what she could find. But then she retracted, saying her daughter said she already had enough winter coats. I don't know how many she has, but I know none of them are less than 20 years old.

Even thought of buying a new Christmas tree since she loves to decorate for Christmas and her old tree finally fell apart...but no, she'd just borrow her daughters.

And I understand those things, I really do...but it's just examples of what would happen should I buy something *I* saw as a need.

It's just frustrating.


~Kristen~

alisatj
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Posted: 11/27/2012 9:02:01 AM
What about giving them some of your favorite things ala Oprah ? And include an explanation about why you love it so much and think they'll like it too.

I dunno ...

Mrs Smarty Pants
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Posted: 11/27/2012 9:07:15 AM
lol THAT'S why with my dad? We just buy shit and set it up for him and he has no recourse.

He *LOVES* his gifts .. now .. but had I just handed him a wrapped box? It would still be sitting there unopened.

I would get the microwave and set it up - I think a lot of it has to do with fear. My dad LIKED his old tv, it worked fine .. he *LOVES* his new one.

We even got him another one for Father's day for the room where his computer is, and since we didn't 'set it up' .. it's still in the box.

If you KNOW she will like it/use it I say get it and put it up for her. I wouldn't get the coat because it will just sit in the closet.

KikiNichole

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Posted: 11/27/2012 9:10:48 AM
I understand when you have plenty of means to buy for yourself. My parents are like that...they are also hard to shop for because they 'have' everything.

But they both also have tons of interest and hobbies that make it easier to find something they will enjoy and appreciate.

One of the people on my list really doesn't have a lot of means and I would so enjoy giving something frivolous and fun to her, that she would enjoy but couldn't or wouldn't splurge on herself. But I'm not sure she enjoys all that much.

The other is single, with a good paying job and has plenty of means but no desire. She's the one who asked for a whisk.

Why? I don't know. Because she openly admits she eats pizza or take out most of the time...so it's not like I'm buying for someone who is going to get into baking/cooking or someone who does it on a regular basis.

I think it's just a personality thing because when I think about it, they are also very specific in what they give.

They will ask me for a list, which I readily provide (because I always have lots of wants) but by the time Christmas rolls around, I know EXACTLY what I'm getting because there will be 50 million phone calls, while they're standing in the store, holding said item in their hand, asking if 'that' is the one I had in mind.

Nothing is a surprise. And now I sound really bitter.

At any rate, I will buy the whisk. And I will buy the ink cartridges. Because that's what they've asked for...and I will smile and give gladly. But inside I will be thinking...'this is NO fun. No fun at all.


~Kristen~

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Posted: 11/27/2012 9:16:56 AM
Buy some chocolate, eat half and give them the rest.

And they just sound funsucky.

I promise you, that if for some bizarre reason you ever ask me for gift ideas and I say a whip? I promise you I will love it. I keep losing my tiny whips (I swear the cats take them) and always love new kitchen stuff. In fact, I often look at whips but never buy them because I have perfectly good, professional whips in my kit. The only kind of whip I don't have (well, with the exception of the always going missing mini whips) is the one with the ends cut off to make angel hair. But I'd never ask you to buy that since they are hard to find.

But now that you've elaborated on it, I totally get what you're saying. What I don't get is how they have such rigid ideas of what to give and that receiving gifts is fun.

But ya... chocolate. Lots and lot of chocolate.

KikiNichole

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Posted: 11/27/2012 9:17:37 AM
Oh, my husband spent all day Thanksgiving Day setting up wireless for her so she could use her 'borrowed' laptop (she returned the one we got her and then borrowed one from her daughter) upstairs...so she wouldn't have to run down the stairs to print.

He's of your opinion: tough shit. I'm going to set it up and she'll just get used to it.

I, however, sat up in the kitchen with her and watched her become visibly pissed off because she was NOT going to use it. Period. Ever. Waste of time. Yada, yada, yada.

I think you're right...it's fear. At least for her. I'm not sure what it is for my other recipient.


~Kristen~

tiffanyo
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Posted: 11/27/2012 9:21:14 AM
My husband can be this way. He pretty much buys himself anything he wants and when I ask him for ideas he says things like "your love" and cracks up. Then I say I guess I can manage that for one day This year he gave me a list of things he does NOT want.

It isn't exactly that he is picky but he is... Particular. He wants a bow, for example, but there is no way I can pick one out. So I think we are going shopping together so he can choose it and then I will wrap it up.

I made wish lists all over for myself and shamelessly gave them to anyone who asked! I am hoping for a crafty Christmas and if my hubby has underwear, a jacket I bought because I like the look of it, and his yearly photo mug and that's all, so be it!
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Posted: 11/27/2012 9:22:48 AM

Oh, and she still has a wall mounted phone with the big long spiral-y cord hanging down. I suggested a portable phone but she's afraid she won't be able to figure out how to use it.



Wait, you're buying for my mother? We're related and I didn't even know it!

I got mom a webcam as we're traveling for Christmas this year and I thought she'd like to see the kids on Christmas. You'd have thought I was trying to give her something nuclear reactive. total meltdown. I still haven't gotten her to even touch it let alone use it.

If she loves to decorate for Christmas can you get her Christmas decorations? What about a holiday pin to dress up one of her "many" coats?

KikiNichole

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Posted: 11/27/2012 9:23:30 AM
LOL, Grinning Cat. If I've learned anything today is that there are so many variations to whisks. Who knew?


~Kristen~

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Posted: 11/27/2012 9:23:37 AM

I forgot to add, cutting the gifts altogether was my suggestion, but I was vetoed on that


You're dealing with terrorists. Simply announce that you are no longer going to purchase gifts for adults. What are they going to do, put a gun to your head and drive you to Walmart?



thatgirlintexas
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Posted: 11/27/2012 9:24:07 AM
How about a goat or a heifer?

Heifer.org

Honestly if the person is going to be like that I wouldn't put very much effort into their gift. It sounds like they are going to bitch and moan about anything you give them and it's not worth the worry. Bah Humbug!


Sara

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Mrs Smarty Pants
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Posted: 11/27/2012 9:28:51 AM
My poor husband.

You've made me realize what a pain in the ass I am.

I like a lot of things, but I'm VERY particular about the things I like.

For example: I *love* Hello Kitty - but only CERTAIN Hello Kitty items. AND she has to "look" a certain way. (I prefer just her face on something vs her whole body)

I prefer pink to any other color, but it's a very specific pink (light pink/baby pink/pastel pink)

So here we are 4 weeks before xmas and I have NO IDEA what I want and I've shot down pretty much every idea he's had.

Ho Ho Ho!

mamato1
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Posted: 11/27/2012 9:33:39 AM
Are these girlfriends? Can you offer a dinner out in lieu of gifts? That can be the gift? You can buy each other dinner?

Your husband is right, to a degree. Gift giving shouldn't be about you, but about the recipient. If someone wants printer ink, well, it's boring but I'd buy it. Same with the whisk. I usually have a "no useful gifts" clause, meaning I want to buy something you WANT and not something you NEED, but I relax that rule when it's needed.

Perhaps a holiday night out would be a better suggestion for these two.


~*Jamie*~
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KikiNichole

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Posted: 11/27/2012 9:34:07 AM

t isn't exactly that he is picky but he is... Particular. He wants a bow, for example, but there is no way I can pick one out. So I think we are going shopping together so he can choose it and then I will wrap it up.

I made wish lists all over for myself and shamelessly gave them to anyone who asked!


We are the same woman, married to the same man.

I never have a shortage of lists. I love to read, craft, decorate my home, workout, GO out...and with three kids to buy for first, I'm always passing up something I'd love to have or do.

And my husband is like yours...he has lots of wants too, but he's not very good at sharing them and when he does he is SUPER particular. AND, when I ask, he answers just like your husband does with some corny answer like 'Your love is all I need'.

Like, I know he would love to have stuff for his German mistress (his Audi) but I have no idea how to buy that stuff...I've asked him a million times to make a list of the exact parts, but he never complies.

So, he ends up with a bucket of beer and some Cornhusker t-shirts. Meanwhile, he gets me PERFECT gifts and I love mine while his sit in a corner collecting dust...until I return them.

And this year, I was super excited about his gift because he had mentioned some months ago that it would be nice to have a new camcorder. I bought one for him yesterday. LAST NIGHT, he came into the bedroom while I was reading and said he found a good deal on one and went ahead and bought it. He thought 'I' would like to have it for Christmas. Grrrr.... I swear, he sets it up so I fail.


~Kristen~

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StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 11/27/2012 9:41:26 AM
I am a terrible gift receiver I don't want to be but I can't seem to help it. I would not say ...'Eh. No thank you. That's really not my thing'. but I can asure you I won't like it. Not sure why I am this way and as I get older I am worse

Even gift cards won't make me happy but they are better than having stuff someone else picked out I try to not be a jerk but I know sometimes I fail

In your case I would get a gift card to a kitchen store or even Walmart. Put a picture of a whisk on it and let them spend it as they please. If they regift it, OH WELL Next stop at an office supply store and pick up a gift card, attach picture of printer ink and be done with it.


~ "full price is a F-word" ~

GrinningCat
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Posted: 11/27/2012 9:41:34 AM

LOL, Grinning Cat. If I've learned anything today is that there are so many variations to whisks. Who knew?
My food geekiness comes in handy apparently. Ya. I know a little too much about whips. That sounds wrong.

Carey Ayn
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Posted: 11/27/2012 9:45:25 AM
I agree with setting it up for them. i think that does alleviate a lot of the fear associated with new things.

Also, get her the whisk, but then give her some food items to go with it. Maybe she will eat it, maybe not, but I've done that before....given them their very specific and "lame" ;-p gift and then sweetened the pot a little with extra "fun" items. If they don't think they are fun, oh well, they still got something they wanted :::asdumbasitis::: ;-p

Also, with my grandma in the last few years, we went mostly to consumables. When she still lived at home, we would make up a frozen meat pack with individually wrapped steaks, chicken, pork chops, etc... We would also give stamps and notecards, address labels, magazine subscriptions, a gift basket of toiletries. (yeee haw!)

It was hard for her to complain about those things.




shirt
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 34,233
March 2002
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Posted: 11/27/2012 9:47:53 AM
Very frustrating OP. Sounds like my DH. Anything I buy him goes back. Anything. For awhile, he got nothing from me and he was totally fine with that. It was no fun for me...especially since he always bought me a nice gift that I loved.

If I had to give a gift, I guess I would get them what they want - whisk and ink.


- Renee

*Kath*
Official Time Clock of 2Ps

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Posted: 11/27/2012 9:52:00 AM

We cut the gifts out. None of us need anything and when it becomes that much of a challenge, it's simply not worth it.


This year everyone outside our immediate family is getting a modest gift Visa card per family and I'm going to save a lot of money. Only my children will get actual presents this year. And I'm going to give myself some gifts. For once.

It's been a long time coming.




--------------------
Welcome to Hotel California, the Green Room, where the laws of physics don't apply, effect determines cause, Deja Vu is Master, and the white rabbit runs free.

Your punch-in has been duly noted.



bridgyree
PeaAddict

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Posted: 11/27/2012 10:02:48 AM
I have people like that on my list...just give me an idea of what you want or I'll buy you the same sort of thing (pajamas and spa type stuff) every year. I'd rather spend money on things I know you want!!!

My frustration lies with people who have children that I have to buy for who will not help me out whatsoever on ideas for their kids. The kids have so much stuff that I can't keep track of what they have and don't have, so knowing they're into this or that isn't even a help because there's a chance they already have what I'm going to buy. Really, you can't take five minutes and tell me a few ideas? If they were older I'd buy them gift cards, but they're still at that age where they like toys to open.

tania7424
Who am I kidding? Too tired to drink tequila

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Posted: 11/27/2012 10:05:13 AM
DH is like that. I thought I'd thought of something good (Heys Spinner and a Coach dop kit), and he said he'd be disappointed because they're so practical (travel for work). Instead he's getting every single little thing he has asked for.




paigepea
I'm PEAchy Keen!

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March 2003
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Posted: 11/27/2012 10:19:07 AM
I'm a terrible gift receiver.

I have a small house with very little storage but our girls have a lot of toys. I go through the toys regularly and donate / give away. The same goes for my closet, their closets, and my kitchen. If I'm going to bring something new into my house i'm going to picky about it. It makes me a terrible receiver.

My girls are now 7 and 4 and they already love gift cards. They know it means they get to go shopping for something they pick. They like gift cards to toy stores and their favourite clothing stores. It's cute.

I'm also good about giving suggestions to people if they ask.






Georgiapea
Mom to the Wild Things.

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Posted: 11/27/2012 10:22:38 AM
I'd be happy with getting people whisks and printer ink. Really nice boxed whisk sets would make a great gift, and printer ink is expensive. If I got printer ink for Christmas I'd feel it was a very thoughtful present.

yellow5
BucketHead

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Posted: 11/27/2012 10:24:52 AM
Yes I do. Well, I *did*.

After many years of dealing with this nonsense, I finally figured enough is enough and stopped exchanging gifts. If they can't tell me what they want or give me ideas, then they don't get a gift. Simple as that. I don't have time, nor want the stress, of dealing with this bull.

It's simply not worth it.

Also, I am getting tired of the "gift card exchange game." It's like the men in the family all sit around and exchange $25 Best Buy gift cards.

Can you tell I hate getting other adults gifts?

GamGam
PEAlicious

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Posted: 11/27/2012 10:32:13 AM
Speaking of wisks, this one is great for blending eggs. Don't know what I did without it. Wisk

MerryMom937
PeaFixture

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Posted: 11/27/2012 10:34:05 AM
Give the whisk or the printer ink if that is what they want.


I like the idea of going all out with the whisks, but I can already predict how that will go: It will be 'Oh. This is nice. But I'll never use these. I just wanted the one.


Then say ahead of Christmas, "Oh which brand and type of whisk did you want? Was there a particular you one you had in mind?" "What brand and number of printer ink do you need?"

If she indicates that the whisk is not the correct one, then I say, "I included the gift receipt with the present so you can return it or exchange it to get what you want."

I would never say to the person "I hate your present" or indicate my displeasure with it. That's rude.

Why not just give her the money in cash and quit having all this angst? Put a nice note with it. "I know that you probably have a particular whisk in mind, here's the money or GC for it."

I never understand why people are against giving cash. How is that any different from a gift card? I give my mom money or a GC at the gas station where she buys her gas. She loves it.

I usually wind up with a GC from a place that I really never shop or it is 2 hours away.


It makes me want to scream with frustration...but my husband gets irritated with me because he says they've given me suggestions and I'm just not happy with them. I'm trying to control what they want.

I guess in a way, I am. But I've always thought the gift giving part of Christmas was supposed to be about things you wouldn't normally splurge on yourself.

I hate giving things people can buy with their groceries at their weekend stop to Walmart. It's just not very much fun at all.


This is where you and I part ways. I think you are trying to control it a little bit. If you give me a gift or a GC, it is for me to use it as I wish. Sometimes I splurge on myself, sometimes I buy practical things, or sometimes I use it towards something a little extra for my son. If that is what I want to do or if that brings me pleasure, why are you trying to control how and what she uses the cash or GC for? That's not her style and you shouldn't inflict your view of a gift on her.

I have a different issue in my life:
My older sister refuses to exchange names (for the siblings and sibling spouses). We did it for 2 years about 18 years ago, but she still insisted on buying for everyone and then sort of looked "martyrish" when everyone did not do the same thing. Illogical, but that is how she rolls.

But she will buy her girlfriends, the sisters-in-laws on her husbands side of the family, nieces on husband's side of the family (who are in their 20's BTW), co-workers, ladies in her church group, etc. these Pandora bracelets/charms or nice purses.

My other sister, my sister in law, and I get a "catch all" gift bag with random items that she bought on clearance a year ago. You know, when the lowest clearance price is marked down an extra 30% in late January or early February.

If those items are something that I actually like or it is my taste, I don't have an issue with someone buying something on sale or on clearance. But she doesn't do that.

She'll buy random leftover Christmas costume jewelry pins for like 50 cents to a dollar, left over cheap Walmart "body wash" and body scrubbie kit (I've received like 9 body scrubbers in the past 15 years), 1 piece of bite sized Dove chocolate which has already "bloomed" and the chocolate has also taken on the smell and taste of the body wash, and fuzzy socks from the dollar store (which are neither soft nor fuzzy), etc.

I've been to her house when she assembles these "gift bags", she'll open up the 20 or so bags, line them up, and then just put 1 of each item from her arsenal in each bag. Then she'll slap on a tag and put the person's name on it. No thought as to the person's taste. (so and so likes Elves, I'll give her the elf pin).

Just the thought that my other sister, 2 sisters in law, and myself are on the same level as "lady who works at the post office" and "random work gift swap contribution" or "teens in her bible study class" just gripes me. Petty of me? Probably yes.

When her sister's in laws and their daughters (on her husband's side of the family) receive Pandora bracelets and charms and really nice purses... Hmm, guess we know where we stand because she makes sure that we know about it. "Oh I got "sister in law" a Pandora bracelet and these 3 charms to signify x in her life". "My niece loves red purses and I got her cutest Dooney and Burke red purse. "

I did have to laugh at the year, my gift bag held a coloring book, cheap crayons, school supplies, and a towel/washcloth. Oops I guess I accidentally received the "child random gift bag" instead of the "adult random gift bag".

I know that makes me a petty person probably for feeling this way, but this is the last year I am buying for my siblings and their spouses. I am telling them (sisters and brother) that from now on, I am buying only for my parents, step mom, step daughters and their SO, and kids 18 and younger. The rest of the money, I will donate to "Wounded Warrior". And to not buy for me and my husband anymore. My brother and SIL can't really afford to buy extra, my other sister is out of state.

My older sister will also purposely buy my mom and dad clothes. Now for 20 years, they have told us and told her specifically, "Don't buy me any more clothes", but she'll insist on buying them clothes EVERY YEAR and then she will verbally bully my mom into trying on the clothes WITH COMPANY THERE. My mom likes her clothes to fit a certain way and 99% of the time, they don't fit her the way she likes or the style isn't my mom AT ALL.

Then my sister will sulk and say "Mom, you never like what I buy you." Then my mom will say "I told you not to buy my any more clothes or pajamas or robes." Then off we go.

I just need to not let myself be bullied anymore.
sigh, Christmas present vent over.

Darkangel090260
PeaFixture

PeaNut 308,882
April 2007
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Posted: 11/27/2012 10:59:05 AM
Ya my mom and dad they are way to hard to get gifts for. You can not make them anything since my mom will just turn around and burn it the next day. the only thing that make my mom happy is Jewelry black hills gold and my dad is hunting gear. With the prices on black hill gold i can not afford even a simple pair of earring any more. Dad has pretty much every type of hunting gear in the world. So i have just given up.


I have quite a few learing disabilitys that effect my spelling a grammer. I do know my grammer and spelling suck. I have been working on this problem all my adult life.

Simply_Lovely
AncestralPea

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Posted: 11/27/2012 11:23:42 AM
I am the worst gift receiver ever. I don't mean to be, I just am. I think it's because actually buying the item myself is almost as good as having the item. I like going into a store, picking it out, walking to the register and paying for it and getting my shopping bag. It's the experience that I enjoy too.
Also, when I get something I don't want I immediately see a waste of money. It makes me sad that the money could've been spent in a better way. That's why my family knows to ask what I want and I tell them exactly what I want, with a website link and the size/color/whatever included. So if the person wants a whisk, get them a whisk. It's what they wanted.

DH is the same way. Thing is we both love giving gifts but hate receiving them, so it takes the fun out of the whole exchange for us.




Meow!

writermom1
Thrift Whisperer

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Posted: 11/27/2012 11:29:48 AM
A lot of these issues seem to arise from the fundamental differences between "gifting is my Love Language" people and not.

Neither side is wrong - just different.



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KikiNichole

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Posted: 11/27/2012 11:39:58 AM
I refuse to give cash for gifts...unless it's to my children. Sounds weird, I know. But my thought process is this...they do not have the financial means to reciprocate, so it's actually a *gift*. With any other person, we're just exchanging money and that seems pointless and not very creative.

Now, I don't object to giving cash if you're trying to buy something you couldn't otherwise buy. Like when we all chipped in so my MIL could buy a new coffee table.

But just to set a limit of a certain dollar amount and trade cash? Where is the thought and fun in that?

Gift cards are good to receive but not very fun to give...so I admit, that aspect of gift giving is completely me.



~Kristen~

Maryland
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

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May 2003
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Posted: 11/27/2012 11:47:41 AM
We buy the grandparents gift cards! We travel 5 hrs. to see both families at Christmas. Two separate 5 hr. trips. We also make a 5 hr. trip to see my husbands family over the 4 day thanksgiving break. The family understands that we are so busy with packing, unpacking, traveling, etc. that they don't expect us to spend lots of time shopping for gifts and we don't have room in the car to pack gifts. That works well for me as I am the most uncreative person when it comes to gifts! My brother and husband are great with gifts, but us women in the family are not!

jjjulee
BucketHead

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Posted: 11/27/2012 11:52:04 AM

Simply announce that you are no longer going to purchase gifts for adults. What are they going to do, put a gun to your head and drive you to Walmart?


ITA.

If nobody is getting any kind of joy out of the gift exchange, why are you all torturing yourselves over it?

KikiNichole

PeaNut 69,597
February 2003
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Posted: 11/27/2012 11:56:24 AM

f nobody is getting any kind of joy out of the gift exchange, why are you all torturing yourselves over it?


I already explained that I suggested not exchanging gifts and it wasn't well received. Honestly, I'm probably the only one 'torturing' myself over it.

But I'm not going to just refuse to exchange gifts on a one sided basis. To me, that would do more damage (and make me feel worse) than just gritting my teeth and tolerating the little quirks that make family family.


~Kristen~

purplepackrat
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

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Posted: 11/27/2012 11:59:34 AM

I understand when you have plenty of means to buy for yourself.


But I don't get why that should make anyone into a poor gift receiver. I have to gift my boss, who can buy circles around anyone, and does, for his birthday and Christmas. But in no way is he a poor reciever. He is happy and gracious just for receiving something. I've had hits and I've had misses, but while I think hard on what to give him, I never worry about it.

I can outbuy most of the people who give me gifts and I would never make them dread giving me a gift. My kids love to think up gifts for me.

Bottom line to the poor receivers out there - someone just cared enough to gift you...get over it and smile and be gracious!


_______________________________________________

...that's why they make blue cars and red cars.


Patti
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