Do You Have These Types of People on Your Gift List?
Post ReplyPost New TopicPosted 11/27/2012 by KikiNichole in NSBR Board
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Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 479,777
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Posted: 11/27/2012 12:02:03 PM

We cut the gifts out. None of us need anything and when it becomes that much of a challenge, it's simply not worth it.

That's what we did, too. We buy for nieces and nephews and our parents (and do Santa with our kids, of course). That's it. Makes the whole shopping thing much easier!

PEAsed to be here

PeaNut 88,667
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Posted: 11/27/2012 12:16:55 PM

She mentioned she'd like to have a new winter coat. Perfect! I told her to pick out a couple different styles she liked and I'd see what she could find. But then she retracted, saying her daughter said she already had enough winter coats. I don't know how many she has, but I know none of them are less than 20 years old.

So it sounds like she *wants* a new coat but somebody said she has too many. I'm sure you'd be happy to take her older coat(s) off her hands and donate them to an organization that will provide them to somebody who could really use them, and gift her with a nice new updated coat that she *wants*.



PeaNut 514,615
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Posted: 11/27/2012 12:48:38 PM
I guess I really don't understand why practical can't be a good gift. I HATE SHOPPING, it is not my thing at all. I really wish people wouldn't go to a ton of trouble trying to make it more "gifty". If someone wants a whisk - give them a whisk. You don't have to make it complicated. I asked my mom for a new cookie sheets one year. I thought it was a great gift - it saved me from having to go to the store, and I think of her everytime I bake cookies. Frankly if she would have wandered all over to find a cookbook or apron or other addition to make it more "special" - I would have been annoyed that she wasted her time and money.


PeaNut 508,279
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Posted: 11/27/2012 12:49:39 PM

With any other person, we're just exchanging money and that seems pointless and not very creative.
Imo, this is a control issue of yours. DH does this to me and it is so frustrating. All I want or need basically is craft supplies. I know exactly what I want and what I already have so cash or gift card is easier for me when I want things like distress inks. He gets all bent out of shape that it is lame, boring and not enough. Despite me saying that it IS enough - for me. So now I do a wishlist. Itemized. I had 112 things from Simon Says, ranging from Nestabilities to brads. He placed an order but it is still not enough "because I know what I am getting" despite him not ordering everything on the list. 112 items!! So he is running around the mall the other day trying to find me something I didn't want or need to appease his own needs.

Get her her cheap whisk, a pack of printer ink and a gc to the ink store. maybe the printer ink is something she wouldnt buy for herself. She sounds kind of cheap to me.

Eta What about a lunch date or spa date with you? Are you close enough that that might be fun?

Thrift Whisperer

PeaNut 114,407
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Posted: 11/27/2012 1:03:17 PM

I, however, sat up in the kitchen with her and watched her become visibly pissed off because she was NOT going to use it. Period. Ever. Waste of time. Yada, yada, yada.

You were with my grandmother?

What we found is that we just gave Gram the microwave anyway. The microwave she did not want and would never use? Loves it now.

I'm not saying force it into their lives but simply say "its' here, it's set up, let me show you how it works" then back off.

Some of it is the personality that resists "I told you so." We don't speak of it later "see I KNEW you would like it!" we just let it go

My Gram also appreciates the gift of service. The guys clean gutters or replace a light fixture or faucet and she gushes.


PeaNut 472,567
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Posted: 11/27/2012 2:07:51 PM
I guess I still don't "get" the difference between money and a gift card.


PeaNut 295,246
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Posted: 11/27/2012 2:27:23 PM
Kristen - since your hubster went out and purchased a camcorder after you also purchased a camcorder to give to him as a Christmas gift, take back the one your purchased and get accessories to go with it i.e. a tripod, a nice bag, replacement batteries, etc. instead.



PeaNut 381,935
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Posted: 11/27/2012 2:58:51 PM
This is my dad. He has flat out told me he does not believe in giving ideas for gifts, we should just guess. He is usually pretty good about pretending to like things when he opens them (usually), but word drifts back later how good or bad of a gift it was. Love that family grapevine. This year I officially give up. I don't have the time or energy to track down something he likely won't even like, so he is getting a gift card. I HATE giving gift cards and cash. But this year, I just don't care anymore.


prey-sniffing bully

PeaNut 32,477
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Posted: 11/27/2012 3:24:10 PM
chips..dips...chains..and whips

it's all i got



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PeaNut 224,352
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Posted: 11/27/2012 3:42:24 PM

From the other: a whisk. Yes, that's right. A whisk.

Go for it and get them a great whisk! A balloon or a double or a ball tip or a flat one for gravy. I could absolutely see myself asking for a whisk.

Dog people are a special breed!

2 Headed Tasmanian Pea

PeaNut 106,860
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Posted: 11/27/2012 4:02:38 PM
I may be reading too much into your replies but it sounds like the "daughter" is pretty controlling and tells mum what she does and does not need.

Maybe the daughter has some ideas as gifts or is she the second person you are having trouble buying for?

Some situations you just have to admit defeat in matey and get what they bloody ask for and hope they enjoy it!

My MIL has pooh-poohed every gift I have ever given her, returned them, exchanged them, told me exactly what was wrong with them etc. I have now handed the In-law gift giving to my DH as his responsibility!!!


Got Samoas?

PeaNut 70,391
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Posted: 11/27/2012 4:31:56 PM
I buy the thing I think they need anyway.

My MIL was pretty controlling. HA! I can out-control anyone!

She was 80 years old, lived alone, and her back step (to her driveway) was very deep and steep and dangerous. I said, "You need a railing there." She would grunt every time she had to make the step. She would hold on to a bush that grew up against the steps. Seriously. And she'd had knee surgery. TWICE.

No, no, no -- don't need a railing. Lived here since 1956, never had a railing, don't need a railing.

I kept thinking of snow and ice in the winter, and Grandma falling and breaking her hip. Or worse. Falling outside, in the winter, you name it.

So I had DH call a handyman in their area (we live in another state, 10 hours away). He arranged it. He called his mom and said: Mr. Davis is coming by on Thursday at 2 to put up the railing. That's it.

She LOVED the railing. It was so HER. Practical, and not only did she use it, she would thank us for it every time we were there.

So ... I would not only buy the microwave, I would have it delivered and installed. "So and so is coming on Thursday to install the microwave." And that'd be that.

If they are practical people (and MIL was) and just keep saying NO, then I stick with what's practical, because that pleases them. And I don't listen to NO.

As for the coat: Too bad. Call her up, go to her house: We're going shopping. Take her to the store and say: We're not leaving until you pick out a coat. And watch her so that she doesn't look at the price tags! Who cares what her daughter thinks? It's not a gift for her daughter.

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PeaNut 87,007
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Posted: 11/27/2012 4:51:02 PM
Kristen, your gift giving sounds a lot like mine and my mums. My dad is really hard to buy for and it's so frustrating at times to get ideas for him. We eventually told him for both birthdays and Christmas that if he didn't provide an idea list, he was getting nothing. We also had to make that threat for not using experience gifts since he would let them expire (deep sea fishing, flight sim). It sucks that they've chosen a whisk and ink but get them that and maybe something that you want them to have (along with set up so it's not returned).

The best gift we ever got my dad was one we worried he'd hate and never use... an ipod touch. He LOVES that thing. It was left in the box for 2 days until I told him I'd help set it up and make sure it was charged. Now he never leaves the house without it.


Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 31,617
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Posted: 11/27/2012 5:02:51 PM

I understand when you have plenty of means to buy for yourself.

But I don't get why that should make anyone into a poor gift receiver.

I had to laugh at the OP, since a whisk is one of the items on my Christmas list! But I guarantee you, when I open that whisk on Christmas morning I will act surprised and gush all over it and then use it to whip up some scrambled eggs for the girl I'm sure is going to be placing it under the tree.

I try to live a simple life; I don't like to own a lot of stuff; and honestly can afford to buy myself whatever it is that I DO want. So sometimes coming up with ideas is hard. I say if you asked and they answered, then buy it! Get your enjoyment from buying a gift for a kid from the gift tree at church....or delivering homemade cookies to the old folks' home...or something like that.

Marilyn (now in New Mexico!!)
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PeaNut 163,613
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Posted: 11/27/2012 5:07:20 PM
It's that way with my sister.
She gets all pushed out if shape . Every. Single. Year.

She won't tell anyone what she wants. Ever.

But expects us all to know what the perfect gift is.

She has about 15 years of birthday and Christmas gifts unused and in original packaging because it's not up to her standards or just not quite right.

An example: she wanted a clairisonic for he'd birthday. She told my mom she wanted one with flowers on it.
My mom searches high and low and finally finds a Clairisonic Plus with flowers at twice the cost.
She buys it because my sister had told get how she has never in her life gotten anything she wants.
She thanked my mom but won't use it because age doesn't like the color of the flowers. She was thinking they'd be pink of blue. Not orange.
My mom gave her the gift receipt but she would rather stare at the box and wish it were what she wanted than exchange it.
What an idiot..
She makes gift giving really difficult.

My other sister and her husband want for nothing.
They buy what they want, when they want it and need nothing.
It's practically impossible to buy for them. I don't do GCs for them because I don't think they'd like that considering it's like giving them money and they font need it.

My parents are the same as that sister. have everything, need/want nothing.

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Thrift Whisperer

PeaNut 114,407
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Posted: 11/27/2012 6:36:56 PM
I would totally ask for the wisk - then go nuts over it, use it as soon as feasible, and gush over it a few more times just so you'd KNOW "I love my wisk!"

Of course I once raved over a box of candied fruit that I really did not like. I received those every year after because I liked them so much. It's a sweet memory.

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Old Pea Coven member wannabe

PeaNut 36,163
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Posted: 11/27/2012 6:43:51 PM
I get people like that gift cards. If they can't be bothered to tell me what they want, then they get to pick it out themselves.

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PeaNut 526,154
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Posted: 12/11/2012 12:37:07 PM
You know what everybody seems to like? Going out to dinner. A restaurant gc is a great gift.

To make it more personal and fun, you could search Yelp for a locally owned restaurant that's not a chain, near them, and buy a gc there. Then you still get to me thoughtful, like I thought you might like to try this place that's near you, it looks really good. Plus you are supporting small local business - a win win.

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PeaNut 526,154
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Posted: 12/11/2012 12:50:41 PM

I, however, sat up in the kitchen with her and watched her become visibly pissed off because she was NOT going to use it. Period. Ever. Waste of time. Yada, yada, yada.

I have a relative like this. I happen to know she has OCD and severe anxiety. These are mental health issues. If you don't have them, they are hard to understand. Let's put it this way - this relative has a filthy filthy house. Not Hoarders bad but it could get there. If I go over to help her and I clean ANYTHING she becomes very very upset. You can clean her bathroom! There's only one kind of cleaner you can use and oh she doesn't know where it is but she has it, and don't put that cleaner in my toilet, it will ruin the finish and and and.

It's really really frustrating to deal with. My point is just, you can't compensate for a mental illness or a personality disorder with a Christmas gift. I wish it was possible.

I'm not saying your person is this bad or has a mental illness. But some people really get off on being stubborn like, I'm NOT going to like this, I'm NOT going to enjoy it, and you can't MAKE me either.


PeaNut 337,804
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Posted: 12/11/2012 1:05:17 PM
I agree with the restaurant gc. I hate giving gc, but I think some restaurant ones would be a good idea. It's something they may not spend their money on and everybody's gotta eat, right?!

It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.'
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PeaNut 428,727
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Posted: 12/11/2012 1:17:58 PM
I just had a birthday dinner party with really close friends this past weekend. My husband and I are doing well right now, and I am able to buy what I want mostly, even though I don't actually buy myself much. Anyway, friends and family gave me a tv for my scrapbook room, a coach wallet, a pair of diamond earrings.

My favorite gift...a Tervis tumbler coffee cup. I've been looking for a 24 oz coffee cup that would fit in my car holder. The mugs I've been using kept leaking on me. I love this thing and it's one of the cheapest gifts I got. One of my friends knew this, and found it for me.

Sometimes it's not the purses, jewelry, appliances that are a hit. Sometimes its noticing your friend/family keeps staining their clothes and can't find an adult sippy cup.

Gem Girl

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Posted: 12/11/2012 1:38:15 PM

And this year, I was super excited about his gift because he had mentioned some months ago that it would be nice to have a new camcorder. I bought one for him yesterday. LAST NIGHT, he came into the bedroom while I was reading and said he found a good deal on one and went ahead and bought it. He thought 'I' would like to have it for Christmas. Grrrr.... I swear, he sets it up so I fail.

Arrgh! I've made DH & sis SWEAR they will not buy for themselves for a month leading up to holidays for this very reason!

You've gotten some good ideas here; buy them what they asked for & let it go. My sis asks for printer ink, too--it's spendy! I won't hijack your thread with the ways my family has made the gift exchange a nightmare for years on end, but suffice it to say, I'm waiting for the phone to ring & the tears to start. Good times.

I've been a dilettante, but I'm thinking of dabbling in something else.


PeaNut 123,540
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Posted: 12/11/2012 2:58:39 PM
Okay, I didn't finish reading all the replies so if this is a repeat I am sorry. Why don't you donate in their name? You could give a gift to a charity related to something they care about. If they don't care about anything, give in their name to a charity you care about. Then SOMEBODY gets something they appreciate and you get to do a good deed. I realize this may not make them happy, but they aren't going to be happy anyway. My father almost got a flock of chickens donated in his name this year -- something he would have no time for but I am tired of getting him things and having him say "Hmmph" -- but he actually came up with a suggestion this year. His suggestion is along the same lines as the wisk but, whatever, he is getting something he actually wants.


PeaNut 370,521
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Posted: 12/11/2012 4:18:25 PM
Yes I do - I 'm sure you have heard me &itch and moan about my MIL who is the most particular woman on the planet - have NO idea what to get her this year.


PeaNut 167,693
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Posted: 12/11/2012 10:58:45 PM
I'll just say that I love the whisk I got from pampered chef. I did not know scrambled eggs would be so much more delicious than "whisking" them with a fork.

Stainless Whisk

Seriously, did not know the cheap one I had was quite so crappy til I used this.

How about you, Lash LaRue?

PeaNut 51,689
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Posted: 12/12/2012 12:28:18 AM

It makes me want to scream with frustration...but my husband gets irritated with me because he says they've given me suggestions and I'm just not happy with them. I'm trying to control what they want.

LOL, that reminds me of my dad. Every year my SIL and I ask him what he wants for Christmas. Every year he says "blood and bone" (fertilizer). Every year we say "I'm not getting you fertilizer for Christmas!" But finally last year I did buy him a great big stinky bag of blood and bone. After all, that's what he keeps asking for. Who am I to decide that what he wants isn't a good enough gift?

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 51,697
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Posted: 12/12/2012 1:47:06 AM
Maybe they don't like getting gifts. I don't; I'd rather people not waste their money on me.

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Proudly Canadian

PeaNut 43,061
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Posted: 12/12/2012 6:32:29 AM
You don't like getting gifts? Why? I've never heard of someone not liking to get gifts.


PeaNut 138,856
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Posted: 12/12/2012 9:10:30 AM
I have to admit that I dread buying printer ink. Did I get the right one? Will it work when I get home? Will I be out $30 b/c I got the wrong one?

If you go out of your way to make sure that you get the right one for her printer, then maybe that will end up being a better gift than you realize.

AS for the whisk, there are some cool ones out there. And I'll bet that she'll think of you every time she uses it. I still think about the people who gave me certain kitchen items as a wedding gift, even 15 years later.

Good luck with whatever you buy.


PeaNut 525,528
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Posted: 12/12/2012 9:27:59 AM
I'm with JenP. I mean, I have gotten some gifts that I absolutely LOVED. But on the whole, I get whatever I want for myself and anything I can't get for myself is something I'd never be comfortable receiving as a gift.
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