Did you grow up in a home where there was racism?

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Posted 12/3/2012 by janet r in NSBR Board
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PeaNut 36,466
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Posted: 12/3/2012 5:39:57 PM
Thankfully no.

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PeaNut 121,208
December 2003
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Posted: 12/3/2012 5:43:23 PM
*in* my home? meaning my a member of my family was racist towards others? No.

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PeaNut 257,999
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Posted: 12/3/2012 5:47:41 PM
Yes and No. My parents fought for civil rights all their lives (as my mother said,'before it was the popular thing to do' and believed deeply in equality. However, they used a yiddish term to refer to some people that I always found offensive; my mother said it was "an affectionate term". Yeah, not when you are using it in a negative context.

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PeaNut 76,877
March 2003
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Posted: 12/3/2012 5:55:04 PM
Not immediate family, but my grandparents were very racist.

Mom and Dad always had a chat with us after hearing some of their remarks.


PeaNut 171,562
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Posted: 12/3/2012 5:55:10 PM
Yes. Not overtly from my parents but from both of theirs - and my parents NEVER told them it was unacceptable in our home. So I never saw them take a stand against hurtful language and jokes.

My mother is very very small minded in so many ways. It's very challenging to have a conversation with her on a wide variety of topics. When I have ever attempted to explain how I think or feel about something she gets very put off and offended and just does not understand - and it's such a mess.


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PeaNut 160,179
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Posted: 12/3/2012 5:59:24 PM

My dad won't hesitate to tell a racist joke or an ethnic joke. He is 100% Polish - so he would tell many jokes about his own ethnicity. Do I think he is a racist?.... no. Many would disagree - he just thinks he is funny. He would have many black customers and was always just as pleasant to them as any other customer. My mom is very hesitate of anyone who isn't white. I think because they are both in their early 80's it was the way they were brought up.

I was determined that my children would not grow up with any prejudices. I think I have accomplished that.


PeaNut 450,148
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Posted: 12/3/2012 6:06:08 PM
I don't remember race ever really being an issue until my brother married a black woman. Then my mom went overboard and almost out of her way to tell everyone that my brother married a "beautiful black girl". Which I thought was weird since at the same time, she told me that our church recommended people marry their own race for some reason or other that I don't remember, but she never acted racist.

My kids are not/will not grow up in a home with racism.

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PeaNut 51,689
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Posted: 12/3/2012 6:17:28 PM
My aunt (my dad's oldest sister) was 9 when their dad (my grandpa) went off to war, and she remembers this very clearly, as well as when their uncle was killed in WW2. When I was a child I heard both my aunt and my nanna say things like "bloody Japs" a few times. My dad and his other sister were too young to remember much about the war (born in 1938 and 1942) and I never heard either of them say anything racist like that. That's about the extent of any racism I was exposed to as a child, thankfully.

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PeaNut 289,166
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Posted: 12/3/2012 6:19:56 PM
I did but am stopping it from entering my house.

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PeaNut 156,993
July 2004
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Posted: 12/3/2012 6:22:56 PM
Not at all. Big old politically correct liberals in our house.

I'll never forget my grandfather giving my sister grief when she was talking about one of her friends and she said: "You know, the black guy." My grandfather was all: "you don't say 'you know, the white one' when you talk about your other friends. Why couldn't you say 'Mark, the tall guy who lives in Brentwood' - how would you describe him if he wasn't black?"

So, almost over the top politically correct - even before that term was coined, lol.

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PeaNut 857
June 1999
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Posted: 12/3/2012 6:40:51 PM
No, not at all. Which may surprise some, since my dad (born in 1936) grew up in rural Georgia, my mother (born in 1940) in South Alabama.


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PeaNut 416,788
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Posted: 12/3/2012 6:44:20 PM
My siblings will tell you one thing, I'll tell you another.

Somewhere along the way, I began to differentiate certain statements made from the heart of the person making them and found there to be quite a discrepancy.

I don't judge a person based on just their statements as a result.

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Stuck In The Bucket

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Posted: 12/3/2012 6:46:01 PM
No, I grew up in a home affected by racism. The great grandmother that raised me was a maid. Think of The Help and you've got a pretty accurate view. Small town Louisiana. You get the picture. And this was the 80s. That's why I always smh when people say how racism was "so far" in the past.
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PeaNut 163,613
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Posted: 12/3/2012 6:59:33 PM

Interestingly, my sisters and I are completely the opposite of how we were raised

My mom will still say things occasionally. I just shut her down. I can't handle crap like that and especially in front of my kids

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PeaNut 221,236
August 2005
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Posted: 12/3/2012 7:05:33 PM
Sort of an underlying, embarrassed racism. My brother took a black girl to prom one year and my parents were really uncomfortable about it. To their credit, they were embarrassed that they were uncomfortable - I think they were really both trying to overcome the attitudes of their own upbringings in that case.


PeaNut 415,025
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Posted: 12/3/2012 7:06:30 PM
No. My dad comes from a multi-ethnic background (mexican/native american). Not DH either- bi-racial family. His mom is white, and his dad is Native American, so dark he is darker than some African men. It was actually somewhat amusing to see people's reactions when I was hanging out with his sister Rachel (we were BFFs in high school) when people would meet her mom for the first time. The confusion on their faces, with the enevitable comment: "Is that your mom? Were you adopted?"

While I think my grandparents have a little bit of a stigma, I am proud of them because I can see how they have worked hard to overcome the biases of their generation and change their erring perceptions.


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PeaNut 247,139
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Posted: 12/3/2012 7:10:37 PM
My dad and his family were very racist, and I called them on it every time, even at a younger age. But then, I have always had a big mouth

I don't like racism, I don't like it wrapped up in excuses.

I recall a thread about BET and several peas said "well, if they have a channel of black-oriented programming, then white people should be able to also." (I'm looking at YOU, Mrs_Tyler) Uh, it called every other channel out there. I was totally shocked at some of the responses on that thread, and it changed how I felt about a few peas.

Just as the recent thread with Lauren's racist rants. Although, I don't really expect better of her.


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PeaNut 35,457
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Posted: 12/3/2012 8:08:00 PM
I can remember one comment growing up that was racist. The reason I remember it was because it was so out of character and shocking to me.


PeaNut 85,321
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Posted: 12/3/2012 8:10:54 PM

Yes once in awhile my parents would make comments. Sterotypical judgements passed down from the generations before. I don't really understand it either because they have friends of all races.

I believe it's called aversive racism - how you act explicitly doesn't match how you feel implicitly. a lot of people are not aware they have that conflict


PeaNut 570,639
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Posted: 12/3/2012 8:11:43 PM

some of my family. Yes.

same here

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PeaNut 15,409
May 2001
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Posted: 12/3/2012 8:12:49 PM
No. I honestly don't recall any family members (or extended family members) ever saying anything racist or acting in a manner that might construe racism.


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PeaNut 178,445
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Posted: 12/3/2012 8:48:26 PM

When I was a child I heard both my aunt and my nanna say things like "bloody Japs" a few times.

I have old newspapers that my dad saved at the end of the
war and all the headlines called them Japs. Having lived
all over the place as a Navy brat, I did not live in a
racist environment.

It does make me pause when people claim they aren't racist
and then make slurs about Asians, Indians, Middle Easterners,
etc. They equate racism as just against blacks.


"I've reached an age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me!"

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PeaNut 43,034
July 2002
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Posted: 12/3/2012 9:29:54 PM
Yes...and no. I grew up in Arkansas and so heard more than my share of racist slurs and comments about African-Americans and later the Vietnamese refugees who were processed at a former army base just outside my town and later assimilated into the community.

My parents were specific and adamant that we were "better than that" and that any racist speech was expressly forbidden.

However as mamashosh mentioned:

However, they used a yiddish term to refer to some people that I always found offensive

this also happened, but not at our house but when we were visiting relatives, and I remember being confused by it, given what my parents had previously said.

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PeaNut 90,665
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Posted: 12/3/2012 9:32:45 PM
Just the opposite. My parents had many friends from all walks of life. However, I was often met w/antisemitism. It was really jarring the first time someone called me "dirty Jew". Now I just make sure to use more soap!


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PeaNut 181,774
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Posted: 12/3/2012 9:55:20 PM
Nope, never. Pretty impossible to be racists when you grow up in a rainbow family of three colors and four Ethnic groups. Add three different religions and it's all good.

My neighbors were upper middle class Whites. Most of them hated it when our huge rainbow family moved into one of the biggest houses and openly called our younger children "Japs" and our "Niggers". We learned to walk the long route to school to avoid them at all costs. All of the older kids were half Native American, and they called us "Half-Breeds". It took about twenty years before the racists died off, and left us alone. MOm lived there for another twenty-eight years without hassle.

I hate racists not because they are so, but because they have no heart.


PeaNut 17,041
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Posted: 12/3/2012 9:56:52 PM
Sadly, yes. It's such a shame too because my brother bought into it and has no problem teaching his kids the crap. I often feel adopted or raised by wolves.

I have lots of friends with different cultures, religions, etc. My mother easily judges them and isn't smart enough to hide it. My favorite is when she asked my Oxford educated black friend if there were "any other colored folk going to school there." My friend provided her with more education than she could have wanted. It was hysterical. My friend was actually very gracious and forgiving. Thankfully, we (friend and I) laugh about it now.

My mother also has no issue judging you for your religion, weight, wealth (if you have it you are scum), education (again, if you have it you are an idiot), and job (God forbid you aren't blue collar).

Carey Ayn

PeaNut 41,258
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Posted: 12/3/2012 10:11:24 PM
Overt racism? No.

Subtle racism, yes. Unaware of white privilage? Yes.

My grandparents were more overtly racist, but like others have said, more like the "well that's just how it is" type.

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PeaNut 14,100
April 2001
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Posted: 12/3/2012 10:30:38 PM
My father was an incredible bigot, but my parents were divorced by the time I was two, so I didn't have to be subjected to it constantly. My mother was not.


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PeaNut 857
June 1999
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Posted: 12/3/2012 10:45:22 PM
I wanted to come back in and tell a story about my grandmother. She was born in January of 1901 in rural north Georgia. Her mother passed away when she was a little girl and she was raised by her grandparents. Both of her grandparents' families had owned slaves when they were young. When my grandmother went to live with them, in about 1908, their farm was worked primarily by former slaves and the children of former slaves. Her grandfather was a farmer AND the only doctor for many miles around. He took care of anyone who needed care - regardless of race, "class", or ability to pay. I believe she learned to respect all people from her grandparents.

Because of her age and experiences (she lived well into her 90s), she didn't always use politically correct language - for example, she used the terms 'colored' and 'oriental', but she never, ever used the N word or any of the anti-Asian slurs that she certainly would have heard during WW2, and the Korean and Vietnam Wars. We would remind her that those words were considered rude now, and she would always apologize and correct herself.

One of my most vivid memories of my grandmother would have been in about 1970, so she was close to 70 and I was 6 or 7. We were visiting her in her small town in Georgia and I went with her to the 5&dime store. She had her purchase in hand and we went up to the register. There was a young black woman in front of us. The cashier told my grandmother he would take her first. My grandmother said no, no, I may be old, but I don't mind waiting. The cashier said "Ma'am, I don't serve n's before white ladies." My grandmother was stunned. She handed the clerk her purchase, and said, "young man, you can put this back on the shelf". She apologized to the other customer, took my hand, walked over to the office of the store, and spoke to the owner (who she knew). She told him what happened and and explained that she would no longer be doing business in his store.

I remember my grandmother as an intelligent, sweet, southern lady. She was always calm and easy-going, and very non-confrontational. The only time I ever saw her confront or challenge someone was that day in the in the 5&dime. Many people would have expected her to have racist tendencies, given the time and place she grew up. In reality, I think those things made her intolerant of racism.


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PeaNut 141,410
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Posted: 12/3/2012 11:01:06 PM
Yes but not bigotry-I think there is a difference.

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PeaNut 8,771
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Posted: 12/3/2012 11:51:18 PM
Racism, no
Other -isms and -obias, yes



PeaNut 134,862
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Posted: 12/4/2012 12:03:59 AM

But we were definitely targets of racism. Despite that, my parents never said a negative word in front of me about those who spat at us and vandalized our property. They reminded me that for every jerk family on our street, there were three other families who were wonderful and kind.

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PeaNut 381,935
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Posted: 12/4/2012 12:09:36 AM
Yes, my father still is. My grandmother couldn't even say the word "black," she would mouth it. I used to roll my eyes so hard at her. Thank goodness for my mother, who obviously had more influence over me than the rest of the family. I don't even like hanging around them anymore. I just don't fit in.



PeaNut 370,270
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Posted: 12/4/2012 12:09:49 AM
Yes and no. Neither of my parents ever expressed racist ideals while I was being raised. Ever. I grew up not really knowing that racism was a big deal as a kid because it just didn't exist to me in my experiences at home or school. However, I have heard multiple times that when I was born my dad took one look at me and made a milk man type joke because I was too "dark". Also, he wouldn't agree to the name my mom wanted to give me because it sounded "too Mexican".

Sadly, while my mom is not racist at all, she has always been very homophobic. We but heads on it all the time because she doesn't realize it. In her mind, there is nothing wrong with thinking that gay people should remain "in the closet".

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PeaNut 109,127
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Posted: 12/4/2012 12:17:35 AM
My dad was towards Vietnamese, but didn't really show it. I only know because he would call the Vietnamese restaurant "g--k food" and Vietnam "the land of the little people." My dad was in Vietnam and was shot down a couple of times, once only making it out by mere seconds. There is not a large Vietnamese population in our area so I don't know if it has gotten better with time or not.

My grandfather fought in the Pacific during WWII, he had no love for the Japanese. He also once commented when I brought my friend April by that my "n--- friend" was very nice. I was in elementary school and had no idea what he meant I thought, but since I remember it years later, maybe I did.

DH's grandmother was a god fearing Catholic woman who had no love for anybody who wasn't the same. i was spawn of the devil because I got pregnant before DH and I were married and I was going to drag him to hell with me. She also once flew to Cancun with the family and very loudly at the airport said, "there sure are a lot of wetb---s" here.

I hope my children are not getting the racist vibes from me.

Tribbey: I believe, as long as Justice Dreifort is intolerant toward gays, lesbians, blacks, unions, women, poor people, and the first, fourth, fifth, and ninth amendments, I will remain intolerant toward him! [to Ainsley] Nice meeting you
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