Calling the police on a neighbor??? **FINAL UPDATE 12/13**

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Posted 12/10/2012 by Kinley-pea in NSBR Board
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SockMonkey
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Posted: 12/10/2012 11:22:13 AM

Well we weren't doing that, we were sitting around a fire laughing and talking. Yes we did give them an apology but they are the ones who should really be apologizing and they did, but they shouldn't have called in the first place.

Yes their bedroom is next to our backyard. Sorry! We don't do anything during the week it's a 1-2 times a month thing. They need to get over it. I pay good money to live here and enjoy myself.



You had me until I read this. Maybe they're picking up on this "I'm ENTITLED" attitude and they don't want a confrontation in the back yard at 2AM, when really, you should be shutting up and getting inside. It's not 11PM, it's 2AM we're talking about. You don't "pay good money to enjoy yourself" if it's disrupting the sleep of other people, even on a weekend. Maybe they didn't feel like getting dressed, going out there and dealing with it. Maybe they were embarrassed to have to ask grown folk to quiet down at 2AM and figured they'd let the cops deal with it.

Either way, you should be embarrassed and apologetic, not your neighbors. I can't believe that you are even still upset at your neighbors, especially after they apologized for calling the cops (for which I don't think they were even in the wrong).


lovetodigi
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Posted: 12/10/2012 11:23:28 AM
Noise can carry and be louder to neighbors than it sounds to you. Many people can not sleep with noise going on. I wouldn't call the police if you were a neighbor that I knew, but I would let you know that you were being loud. If that didn't work, I would be wishing that you would move. You may have paid a lot of money to enjoy your house, but so did your neighbors, and their enjoyment most likely includes being able to sleep at 12, 1 in the morning without being disturbed. Now that you know that the noise you are making is disturbing to others, I would hope that you would be considerate and keep the noise inside after say, 9 or 10 pm. Once a year is one thing, but a couple of times a month would be too much. If you continue, they may not call the police again, but the resentment will build each time you have one of your outdoor gatherings and most likely will eventually come to a head.

Maybe you should consider moving out into the country where you don't have neighbors any where near you. That way you can have people over and party outside all you want. I will say, that I would not like having a neighbor that makes noise outside at all hours of the night.




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cannes
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Posted: 12/10/2012 11:24:39 AM

So you would rather waste a police officer's valuable time AND ruin a relationship with your neighbors, who may or may not realize they are bothering you?


I think saying that this call is a waste of a police officer's time is a bit extreme. Their job is to enforce the laws on the books (including noise ordinances) and keep the peace. His responding to the call was doing just that.



The officer was upset with THEM for calling and wasting his time. He laughed with us and said it was ridiculous. He should be spending his time out finding real criminals to deal with, not wasting his time on a noise complaint.


Honestly, I doubt that the police officer was upset with them (he probably didn't care one way or the other). I'd wager that he noticed that you and your husband were furious, as you said, and was trying to diffuse the situation a bit by "blaming" the neighbors to prevent a confrontation fueled by anger.



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Kinley-pea
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Posted: 12/10/2012 11:25:59 AM

Your right to make noise and "enjoy yourself" does not supersede my right to have a peaceful night and not have to listen to you. I paid good money for my house, too. Your rights end where my nose -- in this case, ears -- begin.

You are being a selfish and inconsiderate neighbor.



No I get it, believe me, but its very rare that we have even been loud to the point where I think they would be upset otherwise I am sure the many times we have spoken to them they would have certainly mentioned it.

This time was loud due to teenagers and it is rare that we are outside till 2 am. That's not a normal thing. When I said between 12-1 that doesn't mean that every. single. time. it's been 12-1. KWIM

It was the first time in 7 weeks I was able to enjoy myself and my DD. Where we were able to not think about all the family drama going on since my sister's passing.

I would just think the neighbor could have peeked his head over the fence and said something. Of course, we would have taken it inside.








Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

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Darcy_Collins
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Posted: 12/10/2012 11:26:25 AM

I have lived in an apartment before and you can imagine how many loud neighbors I used to have. I NEVER called the police on them---EVER. I would never do it, unless it WAS an every night thing. Once or twice a month- nah.
\

But those are YOUR standards of what's acceptable. Maybe your neighbor has more difficulty sleeping than you, or is less of a night owl, so a late night is much more disruptive to them than it is to you.

You stated in your update that they left you a letter apologizing - maybe they just had a really rough night and the loud talking threw them over the edge. I don't know - instead of getting furious, and assuming the worst about them - you should offer them the same consideration you wished they would have offered you and talk to them. But I would seriously counsel you that telling them to accept a couple nights a month if that of late night outdoor activity isn't reasonable. I think you would find very few people that would consider that a standard amount of disturbance one should accept in a neighbor.

asr70
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Posted: 12/10/2012 11:27:07 AM
is it possible that there is an echo or amplification of the noise that maybe you aren't aware of, so even if you are being relatively quiet to them you are basically right outside their window?

This was a problem for us in one of the last houses we lived in. Although they were being quiet-ish, we could hear simple conversations from their patio like they were standing in our yard. It was even worse when they took their camper out for the weekend, leaving their older teens home alone for party time.




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Posted: 12/10/2012 11:29:38 AM

I would just think the neighbor could have peeked his head over the fence and said something.
SO he needs to get out of bed, get dressed and go tell his neighbors how to behave? C'mon. YOu know you were loud. You just didn't want to be called on it.

they are the ones who should really be apologizing and they did, but they shouldn't have called in the first place.

Yes their bedroom is next to our backyard. Sorry! We don't do anything during the week it's a 1-2 times a month thing. They need to get over it. I pay good money to live here and enjoy myself.
Exactly the attitude of my neighbor I had to call on all the time. I'm so thankful they finally got tired of seeing the flashing lights in their driveway that they moved.


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Kinley-pea
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Posted: 12/10/2012 11:33:13 AM

onestly, I doubt that the police officer was upset with them (he probably didn't care one way or the other). I'd wager that he noticed that you and your husband were furious, as you said, and was trying to diffuse the situation a bit by "blaming" the neighbors to prevent a confrontation fueled by anger.



I hate assumptions, I really do. Yes my DH was "furious" but it wasn't until after the fact and he thought about it. When the police officer was there my DH was bubbly like he normally is. Apologized, explained about the teens birthday and said we would bring it inside. My DH is a very level headed calm person, it has to soak in first before he gets upset.

I realize saying my DH was furious gets everybody's mind thinking that he was out of hand etc. That just isn't my DH ya know.

And just because my DH might have been "furious" after it sunk it doesn't mean he would go ape shit on them. He is a very reasonable man and I feel we both had the right to be "angry". Will it cause a war with our neighbors? No. I have made them some goodies. I will bring it to them, will we talk to them as much as we did before. No, probably not but we won't be rude.








Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

smilesnpeacesigns
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Posted: 12/10/2012 11:38:07 AM
I feel you, it's embarrassing to have the cops called on you, I can understand you being annoyed especially if it is an infrequent thing. I don't think your acting entitled.

It's a shame when you pay for your house and can't be outside on a weekend night with friends talking and laughing.With out the cops being called.


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Kinley-pea
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Posted: 12/10/2012 11:38:42 AM

is it possible that there is an echo or amplification of the noise that maybe you aren't aware of, so even if you are being relatively quiet to them you are basically right outside their window?

This was a problem for us in one of the last houses we lived in. Although they were being quiet-ish, we could hear simple conversations from their patio like they were standing in our yard. It was even worse when they took their camper out for the weekend, leaving their older teens home alone for party time.


Maybe there is? We sit more towards the other wall to our other neighbors house. So while yes, these particular neighbors bedroom is facing our backyard. We aren't sitting right outside their window, but of course I am sure there can be amplification and that's why we try to be very quiet.

I am not going to give up sitting outside with my friends around a fire which is my fave thing to do. It's very relaxing, but I will of course consider the time thing more. We just didn't know because they didn't say anything.








Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ms. GreenGenes
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Posted: 12/10/2012 11:38:58 AM
OP, I'm really glad you were finally able to smile this weekend. I have one sister, and can't imagine losing her. I remember your story, and you have my sympathies.

That said, I have been one who called the police on a neighbor. Just once. He lived two houses down and across the street from us, and he threw a big party maybe once or twice a year, which was not a big deal, but let me tell you - he had a SERIOUS sound system all rigged up in his garage, and flashing lights to go with it, the whole deal.

His parties typically kicked off around 8, got loud around 9, and were booming - as in, making our house "bounce" from the bass resonating against our walls - till 1 or 2 a.m.

The first couple of years we lived there, I didn't want to cause any issues, so I didn't call, but the guy was in the midst of a neighborhood FULL of families with small children. He was a bachelor by choice (had a couple single moms in the neighborhood who testified to that) and a partier.

The night I called the cops, I had a newborn that I was trying to put down, and two small toddlers who kept crying in their sleep because the noise was waking them. I would've gone over there, but I didn't know the guy, and really didn't want to inject myself into a party full of people in order to tell them to use their common sense and realize that a neighborhood was not the place for that level of noise. I also had never met the guy, beyond a casual wave.

Interestingly, right after I placed the call, the party disbanded in a hurry. Like, literally, people were walking away, some running, before the cops even got there. We had another neighbor (who i never met) who was a city cop, and I wonder if he had something to do with it. Or maybe it was that the ones who were running were also smoking something funny.

Either way, the party was over, and my kids went to sleep.

My rule of thumb now is that I'll tolerate anything till midnight, but after that, my kids and I have a right to sleep peacefully in our own home.


~ Tracey

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Posted: 12/10/2012 11:40:24 AM

Yes we did give them an apology but they are the ones who should really be apologizing and they did, but they shouldn't have called in the first place.
I'm the type of person who would bang on the neighbour's door (fence?), but seriously, WHA?!? No, they are NOT the ones who should be apologizing.


Jo Mama

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Kinley-pea
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Posted: 12/10/2012 11:43:24 AM

I'm the type of person who would bang on the neighbour's door (fence?), but seriously, WHA?!? No, they are NOT the ones who should be apologizing.


I will have to politely disagree, yes they are and they did and we do appreciate that.

Had they told us right then, we would have apologized profusely ----but they didn't. They decided to call the cops instead.








Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

cannes
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Posted: 12/10/2012 11:43:57 AM
I'm not making assumptions, I'm using the information that you posted. This is what you said:

DH wanted to go over that next morning and talk to neighbor but he was furious and I asked him to wait until he wasn't as upset. Not that DH would go nuts on the guy or anything but we would very firmly speak his mind.


I can see a police officer picking up on that and trying to diffuse the situation. I know how they work and what they do. I'm married to one.


Would you call the police or try to talk to them first?



You asked what we would do, but don't really seem to be interested in hearing anything but you are right and your neighbors are horrible. I totally get wanting to vent and be validated. If that's what you are looking for, make it easy on us that have a differing opinion by adding "vent" or "PVM".


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justalittletike
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Posted: 12/10/2012 11:44:32 AM
My thing is it wasn't 12a when you came in or 1a, it was 2a and by the sounds of it you guys were not planning to come in yet.

that is too late to be noisy in a neighborhood.



ilovebuble
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Posted: 12/10/2012 11:45:24 AM
I wouldn't call the cops and I wouldn't get out of bed at 2 am to confront my neighbors but I'd definitely be speaking to them the next day. The only reason I'd call the cops is if I thought teens were having an unsupervised party. Maybe they assumed parents weren't around?

purplepackrat
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Posted: 12/10/2012 11:45:32 AM
We don't call in our neighborhood, we're pretty much live and let live.

However, we also are good neighbors. By 2 a.m., we would have moved inside. We just quiet down after midnight, you know? Although there might be some quiet chatter on the front porch, most are inside for any real noise. The fire is out, there is no loud laughter or talk or music outside. People also take care to leave quietly.

Another thing: we warn each other about any loud parties with music and such. And we are sort of stay aware of each other's situations. My older neighbor was dying this past summer and they were often up in the middle of the night with him, and we really took care to not be noisy and such out of consideration for their situation.

Sometimes simple considerations on one's part will get you a buy from someone who could otherwise become irate at your inconsideration, kwim?





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Posted: 12/10/2012 11:46:30 AM

Had they told us right then, we would have apologized profusely ----but they didn't. They decided to call the cops instead.
They shouldn't have had to have told you anything. You set the thing in motion by talking in your yard at 2 am.


Jo Mama

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Kelpea
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Posted: 12/10/2012 11:49:03 AM
I'm sorry but there ARE noise ordinance times in neighborhoods.

And while you might be comfortable confronting someone directly, clearly they were not. They followed their own feelings and made the call to the police.

In this day and age, there may be way too many people calling the po-po for the little things, but hey. Too many cra-crays out there; maybe your neighbors didn't know how you might react.

Man, oh man, we've seen some nutters in our own neighborhood...and I would call the police on them before confronting them, any day.



asr70
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Posted: 12/10/2012 11:53:36 AM

We just didn't know because they didn't say anything.
We never complained, because we knew they (the owners) weren't being deliberately rude, and we just wanted to be not those neighbours, but the teen parties were getting to a point that we were going to complain, until they threw a doozy of a party - lasted until 4 am, several fights. The cops never how up here so that is a waste of time.

The next morning DH got up and left for work at 6:45. The kids had made the effort to clean up their own yard and to put the broken fence rail back 'neatly' in place on our property, but had left the bottles and litter strewn all over our yard alone. DH tossed it all into their driveway, including the broken rail and went on his way. Parents pulled in around 8:30 and there was a whole lot of yelling an swearing and no more parties




I-95
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Posted: 12/10/2012 11:54:41 AM

Maybe there is? We sit more towards the other wall to our other neighbors house. So while yes, these particular neighbors bedroom is facing our backyard. We aren't sitting right outside their window, but of course I am sure there can be amplification and that's why we try to be very quiet.

I am not going to give up sitting outside with my friends around a fire which is my fave thing to do. It's very relaxing, but I will of course consider the time thing more. We just didn't know because they didn't say anything.


I doubt even your neighbors expect you to give up enjoying your backyard with friends, but you should know that once the normal daytime noises calm down...traffic, people mowing lawns, enjoying their yards etc. all noise becomes amplified. A police siren might penetrate your consciousness during the day, in the still of the night it will sound like it's coming through your front door. The same is true for voices and laughter...they sounder louder at night, especially when you're trying to sleep.

I suspect this has annoyed the neighbors for some time, but by the time they woke up the next day, or a couple of days have passed before they saw you again, it may have felt like they were making a mountain out of a molehill. Perhaps this time one of them had a splitting headache and just couldn't take it any more. I would have been embarrassed to have the cops called if I hadn't realized we were being so noisy, so late, but I would be apologetic to the neighbors for disturbing their peace at that hour, not filled with entitlement about my 'rights'.

Ms. GreenGenes
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Posted: 12/10/2012 11:55:09 AM
No, you are the one who needs to apologize.

Being loud enough to keep others awake is a problem, no matter if it's infrequent.

No one wants to fight with their neighbors, so it's very likely they simply didn't want to have to tell you that your loudness is bothersome.

But if it was loud enough for them to call the police, it was obviously an issue. Their apology this morning is likely just an effort to keep things calm with you, even though you are the one causing the disturbance.

The frequency or infrequency of your gatherings makes no difference. If you're disturbing someone else, you're infringing on their rights. If you want to be able to make noise at those hours, you need to not live in a neighborhood. Get a couple acres so that no one's close enough to hear you, and have at it. Otherwise, you're going to have to respect the needs of those who live close enough to you to have to listen to your activities.

I would apologize in return, and make a mental note to pay attention to your noise level and the time of day, so that your gatherings are not a disturbance to your neighbors anymore.


~ Tracey

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Posted: 12/10/2012 11:56:38 AM
Mrs.Greengenes in your situation I would have called the cops too, because going over there could have caused problems.

Really though if you are good enough neighbors to borrow something then by gosh you aught to be good enough neighbors to go over and say,

"we can't sleep, could you take it inside please?," for sure if this is the first time the borrowing neighbor has said anything about it.

The first time it got on the neighbors nerves they should have said as they were borrowing the leaf blower,

"Hey you know when ya'll are outside at night the noise rally carries and we can't sleep." I would bet it would never happen again.

It rubs me the wrong way when people figure you really aught to know what they can or can not hear, or what bothers them. People can not read minds. You kind of have to say it.

I would have told the party neighbor of MGG's too the first time it hap-pend after the party was over.



Even with the snark, trolls and spelling police you are a great group of ladies!

Kinley-pea
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Posted: 12/10/2012 11:58:17 AM
I'm not making assumptions, I'm using the information that you posted. This is what you said:
DH wanted to go over that next morning and talk to neighbor but he was furious and I asked him to wait until he wasn't as upset. Not that DH would go nuts on the guy or anything but we would very firmly speak his mind.


I can see a police officer picking up on that and trying to diffuse the situation. I know how they work and what they do. I'm married to one.

Would you call the police or try to talk to them first?


You asked what we would do, but don't really seem to be interested in hearing anything but you are right and your neighbors are horrible. I totally get wanting to vent and be validated. If that's what you are looking for, make it easy on us that have a differing opinion by adding "vent" or "PVM".

-------------------------------------------------------------



Yes but,from the information I provided. I didn't state that DH was furious at the time we spoke to the sheriff. That is what I am referring to, the police officer couldn't have picked up on that because at that point. DH wasn't mad. That's all I am saying there.

Yes you are all free to tell me what you would do, but please don't assume that we are "partying, crazy, loud neighbors" that are doing this all the time and our neighbors are "fed up" I stated our level of gatherings and I don't find anything wrong with that. Every night, yes. The amount we do, no. Especially since we didn't realize it was an issue.



My DH is calm and reasonable but he also isn't a bend over and take it in the arse kind of a guy. If he feels disrespected then he is going to let them know. I fully back him on this issue.









Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

beachgirl55
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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:03:42 PM
No, I would not. We had neighbors that had these yappy dogs that drove me crazy. Always out before I got up and after I went to bed. They left them out there for hours. I didn't call on them, but I sure was happy when they moved!

Ann

Kinley-pea
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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:05:56 PM

'm sorry but there ARE noise ordinance times in neighborhoods.

And while you might be comfortable confronting someone directly, clearly they were not. They followed their own feelings and made the call to the police.

In this day and age, there may be way too many people calling the po-po for the little things, but hey. Too many cra-crays out there; maybe your neighbors didn't know how you might react.

Man, oh man, we've seen some nutters in our own neighborhood...and I would call the police on them before confronting them, any day.


See, I find that hard to believe. Didn't know how we would react? the guy talks to my DH all the time. My DH is the kind of guy that EVERYONE loves, trust me on that. I even get jealous of how lovable my DH is. Not that I am not lovable but he is just more friendly and outgoing then I am. We keep to ourselves for the most part but are the kind of neighbors that wave and will help anyone if they ask for it.

So I really cant see how they would think we would react in any sort of negative way. We have never given them a reason to think so, that is what is very upsetting about this.








Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

scrapping buckeye
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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:06:48 PM
Sorry but at 2am I'd call the cops on you too. I don't understand why you just don't take your parties inside around midnight. If you live in a neighborhood you should respect your neighbors.




crimsoncat05
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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:09:38 PM
...there ARE noise ordinance times in neighborhoods.

And while you might be comfortable confronting someone directly, clearly they were not. They followed their own feelings and made the call to the police.




^^^^^ this is it, in a nutshell. Anything else discussed is speculation, supposition, anecdotal evidence, etc.




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Creativegirl
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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:09:39 PM

is it possible that there is an echo or amplification of the noise that maybe you aren't aware of, so even if you are being relatively quiet to them you are basically right outside their window?


It is easy to overlook how sound carries. I was in my bedroom the other day with the window open a crack- the neighbor was outside in her yard having a phone conversation (in normal volume speaking voice). I could hear every single word as if she were right there having the conversation with me! I shut the window because I felt like I was eavesdropping!

OP, I don't think you should have to give up your time around the fire. But really, it gets dark at 5pm. You can gather around the fire and have a ball for 6 HOURS before it gets to noise ordinance time. I think that's plenty and it's really reasonable to take it inside after that.


Anna




gizmos
PeaAddict

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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:13:15 PM
How was your husband "disrespected?"

cannes
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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:14:14 PM
Again, your follow up posts make it obvious that you are only looking for a PVM; I'm wasting my time.

I sincerely hope you and your neighbors can resolve this in a way that is acceptable to both of you, OP.


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Kinley-pea
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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:14:16 PM

I'm glad your daughter was able to smile after the passing of your sister. I hope that continues and that the two of you feel comfort through all this year as you grieve.

I think though that may be clouding your view a little. Your neighbors mentioned the noise when your boss was there and they have no reason to know your boss wasn't there recently. They just know there was noise that was keeping them up. They also don't know that you are happy to see your daughter smile- and maybe because of that you didn't realize how late and loud it was getting.

Let it go. You don't want your daughter's happiness tied with anger over the police being called.


Thank you, of course I am letting it go. I would never act rude to them in any way but for me personally I have no desire to ever speak with them again. Calling the cops is a deal breaker for me, but I won't act any differently with them. I can't speak for my DH though, if he continues a neighborly relationship with them, that is fine by me.








Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

HouseLady23
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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:16:25 PM
I think some of the issue is that you see nothing wrong in what you were doing.

You may have been talking and laughing quietly but 2am in a residential neighborhood is not the time to be doing that. Everything seems loud at 2am.

In most neighborhoods it is against city ordinances.

You and your husband feel you were disrespected but you disrespected your neighbors by talking and laughing outside at 2am.

You have a right to enjoy your property and home but not at the expense of others.

You are only looking at this issue from your perspective and not that of your neighbors.

You truly think the burden was on your neighbors to come over and ask you to be quiet...why didn't you realize it was getting late and move the gathering indoors so not to disturb the neighbors?




smilesnpeacesigns
PeaFixture

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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:19:10 PM
For those of you that would call the cops.

Really? You will talk to someone on a regular basis, borrow from them, and act like a perfectly sane person but you are too chicken shit to ask some one to keep it down?



Even with the snark, trolls and spelling police you are a great group of ladies!

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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:21:21 PM

You are being a selfish and inconsiderate neighbor.


That exactly, and honestly? I think the subsequent posts you are making is driving that point home to us here that do think the neighbors had a right to call the police.

Im not saying that you should have gone to jail or even been issued a citation for anything. Not at all.

Heres my story -

Ive lived in my house for 7 years. A past neighbor that lived next door to us was HORRIBLE in more ways than just noise. Their noise was much worse than what yours probably was, too. During the day I could hear their television or music. I could hear their goings on over my television and washer and dryer going all at the same time...with my windows and doors closed. During the day time I found it obnoxious and rude but never said anything to them because it was during the day time. At night time, however, I got pi$$ed! The side of their house is right by the side of my house where my bedroom and my then baby's bedroom was. My 2 older children were on the other side of the house. Around the 1 or 2am time frame you have mentioned, my neighbors would be so loud INSIDE THEIR HOUSE that it would wake up all 3 of my children! Not me, because I never was able to get to sleep. I even bought earplugs to try to block it out. I finally started going over there. I went to them directly many, many times over the course of many, many months. Their response was always "Sorry" and shut the door and carry on. After many months (8 or 9 maybe?) I began calling the police about it...only in the middle of the night. After a few months of the police telling them to be quiet and them still not doing it they were finally issued a citation. Then it turned out the guy had a warrant for his arrest and he ended up in jail. We had to go to court and they were given a hefty fine for the noise violation.

I don't feel that I was a bit wrong in my expectations or how I handled it.

The neighbor that lives behind me has a fire pit in their backyard (our backyards connect but are separated by a fence and my bedroom faces the backyard). There have been 5 or 6 times MAYBE in the 7 years Ive lived here that they have had friends over and are out at the firepit. THey have music going and are laughing and talking and having a great time. This will continue until the wee hours of the morning. Its always been on weekends, never a weeknight. I find that to be as obnoxious as anything but Ive never said anything to them about it, and would never think to call the police on them for it.

The difference? They don't do it frequently.

you are correct that you pay to live in your home and you should enjoy it. Your neighbors also pay to live in their homes and they should be able to enjoy it.

The problem comes when expectations are different. They have just as much right to a quiet nights sleep as you do to having fun with friends.

In hindsight, and in the future, I think you should have gone inside earlier or kept the noise down.

I think it would have been nice had the neighbors come to you before calling the police but I don't think they HAVE to. I got to a point with my noisy neighbors where I didn't even bother going over there, I just called. But, again, that was after months of no response when I DID try to talk to them about it.

I think the hours you stated and the frequency with which you have stated are probably wearing on your neighbors and they are tired of it.

I do think you have the right to be outside with friends and enjoying your fire, but I would be upset if it was once a month, let alone twice a month.

Your neighbors should be considerate, but you should also. Your posts here really don't relay that you are.



jjpswife
AncestralPea

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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:23:18 PM
You say you hate assumptions, but you make plenty.

You assume that the neighbors that you know fairly casually by your own description are comfortable with confrontation.

It would be my hope that my neighbors had enough common sense to know that talking loudly and laughing in their backyard at 2am is disruptive. Why should I have to TELL them that?!

If my neighbors don't have that kind of common sense or respect, I most certainly would call the cops and keep it anonymous.

Because if they don't know better than to be outside at 2am being loud, then they are likely going to be pretty pissed at my request for them to quiet down.

So I would prefer a police officer handle it.

Many people do NOT like confrontation. Especially in circumstances where the other party isn't demonstrating a clear understanding of the situation.



I-95
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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:23:55 PM
Ummm, did you delete the post you made about your husband feeling disrespected and 'not bending over and taking it in the arse'?

Sheesh, you folks need to get a grip on being reasonable neighbors.

NOBODY has said you shouldn't enjoy your backyard. What people are saying is that REASONABLE people take it inside around 10 or 11pm. REASONABLE people grasp the concept that if the neighbors had had enough, to where they called the police, it should serve as a wake-up call to YOU!

It's irrelevant whether you do this every night, or twice a month, YOU ARE BEING TOO LOUD. Own it. Quit blaming the neighbor. Learn a lesson and be a better neighbor yourself. It doesn't matter if you 'didn't know you were being too loud', now you do.

Your neighbor is probably sick of your disrespecting THEIR life, and they're the ones who have been bending over and taking it in the arse!

ETA..no, you didn't delete the post...weird that it wasn't there when I went to quote it, and now it is...

PennyPaws
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:24:57 PM
Perhaps they called because it was just the more convenient way for them to handle it at that time - maybe there's no hidden message... I've called the police once on loud neighbours, ones that I'd previously spoken to about noise, and their parties spreading onto my property... It wasn't to get them in trouble, it was because I work shift work (in emergency service) and I was in my pjs, in bed, not feeling great, and needed to try and get the last four hours of sleep before having to get up for work... Does that sound lazy? Yes, but if I had gotten dressed, gone outside, had a conversation with them, come back, undressed, gotten back into bed, and tried to bring my nerves down and relax and fall back asleep, it would've been over an hour... No exaggeration - it would've taken me that long to fall asleep just because of the thoughts going through my mind... Less than three hours sleep and I'm not fit for duty, at four it's doable...

Perhaps the neighbours were concerned your husband would react badly if they approached him... You said he wouldn't have, but also said how he's blunt - they don't know him like you do, what kind of day he's had... Perhaps they wanted to err on the side of caution and make use of a neutral party...

It may be me, but whether it's noise or an outdoor cat thread, it always seems the OP wants to do what they want and expects that everyone else tell them when it's crossed a line... Why not be considerate, hold back a little, and ask if it bothers everyone else if you push closer to the line? If you don't like getting your hand slapped, ask before you reach...

(Sorry - bad morning, rant over)


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HouseLady23
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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:25:39 PM
As to why they may have called the police...

A few years ago, our neighbors kids (16-22) decided to start a basketball game outside our bedroom window at midnight.

Husband went out and asked them to stop...too late. No problem they apologized and stopped.

Next day...mom went crazy on me. Started screaming that if we have a problem with their family we should only speak with the father and not the kids. We had no right to ask them to stop. Also, that they are good kids and should be able to play basketball whenever they like and would I rather they do drugs or play basketball at midnight. She was furious.

Next time, we will call the police because of her response.

We were friendly with them before this.

You truly don't know how people will react.


schizo319
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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:27:54 PM
On a Friday night in the circumstances you describe, I probably would NOT call the police - I would ask the neighbors to quiet down at 2am.

We aren't usually "cop callers" either, but last week, there were some neighbors behind us who were playing very loud music at 10:30pm (ETA it was Mon. night and I get up at 4:30am for work). It was so loud it was rattling my bedroom walls. We DID call the police (non-emergency line - and apologized profusely to the officer for having to call). They turned down the music for 15 minutes after the officer showed up and then turned it right back up again. When DH went outside to see where it was coming from they said "Why don't you just go to bed mother f#cker?" (as if that were an option with the walls rattling)



bear_mom
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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:28:35 PM

It's not on weeknights. It's on the weekend, Friday night is a weekend night. We have never had anyone over during the week. If we have been loud for quite some time, then I would think they would have spoken to us? We are friendly with them. We share lawn equipment between both of us. My DH talks to the DH all the time in the driveway for long periods of time. They have not said anything to us since the time of my old boss coming over. SO, how would we know that we have upset them? I am not understanding.


Your Friday night is my Monday night. I work every other weekend and I have to be up at 5:30 to be at work by 6:30 where I will work a 12 1/2 hour shift. So if you are outside until 12, 1, or 2 in the morning you would be seriously impacting my sleep. So yes, if you did this once or twice a month, and it fell on my weekend to work, I would call the police.

Emily

Dalai Mama
La Pea Boheme

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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:30:03 PM

Really? You will talk to someone on a regular basis, borrow from them, and act like a perfectly sane person but you are too chicken shit to ask some one to keep it down?
Conversely, you should have enough respect for someone you talk to on a regular basis, to not put them in a position where they should have to tell you not to talk and laugh outside at 2 am. Common courtesy goes both ways and the OP violated it first.


Jo Mama

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WannaPea
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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:32:30 PM

Really? You will talk to someone on a regular basis, borrow from them, and act like a perfectly sane person but you are too chicken shit to ask some one to keep it down?

Conversely, you should have enough respect for someone you talk to on a regular basis, to not put them in a position where they should have to tell you not to talk and laugh outside at 2 am. Common courtesy goes both ways and the OP violated it first.
Exactly.


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Kinley-pea
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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:32:53 PM

Ummm, did you delete the post you made about your husband feeling disrespected and 'not bending over and taking it in the arse'?


No?? it should be on the second page?









Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

scraps_of_time
AncestralPea

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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:33:07 PM

Really? You will talk to someone on a regular basis, borrow from them, and act like a perfectly sane person but you are too chicken shit to ask some one to keep it down?


Chicken shit...LOL

Yes and here's why.

My dh walked around the corner to his brother's house (did you get that his BROTHER) to tell his sister in law's brother that he needed to slow down when driving through the neighborhood. People we were related to and saw everyday. He wasn't mad, he wasn't pissed off. He was going to say hey, slow down some nicely.

Dh walked in the yard and said (guys name) how you doing, can I talk to you for a minute. Dude came at him swinging for no reason. His sil comes out the door, sees what is going on and picks up a board and goes after dh.

Dh dodges dude. Takes the board away from his sil. Dude keeps coming after him. Dh ends up putting dude in restraining hold. Tells both of them he only wanted to ask the guy to slow down, let's the guy go and walks home

We never did get a reason as to why the brother went after dh.




Rhonda

voltagain
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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:34:16 PM
Years ago I used to try talking to the offending neighbors first. But it never went well. Every last one of them was like the OP. "I have a right to enjoy my yard" , balcony or whatever. Absolutely lacking in basic respect for others rights. I even ended up with my tires slashed after asking a neighbor to quieten down.

I call the police now. I call the first time and every time after. 1-2 a month is once a month too often.


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Kinley-pea
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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:35:42 PM

We aren't usually "cop callers" either, but last week, there were some neighbors behind us who were playing very loud music at 10:30pm. It was so loud it was rattling my bedroom walls. We DID call the police (non-emergency line - and apologized profusely to the officer for having to call). They turned down the music for 15 minutes after the officer showed up and then turned it right back up again. When DH went outside to see where it was coming from they said "Why don't you just go to bed mother f#cker?" (as if that were an option with the walls rattling)


Wow, I would be plenty upset in that situation too, and I would never react that way if someone came to talk to us. I don't ever play music when we have people over because for 1. it gives me a headache. And two if I am outside in the backyard, I would know that it would have to be pretty loud for us to hear it out back so we never turn it on.








Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Epeanymous
PeaFixture

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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:37:28 PM
I think that neighbors should be respectful of one another. But part of that respect is communicating with one another. Calling the police on a neighbor isn't in my view very neighborly, and isn't something I would do unless I couldn't reasonably handle the situation myself. And it doesn't seem all that reasonable to my fellow taxpayer not to at least try to do so.

Ms Ladibug
PeaAddict

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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:37:42 PM
Here's the thing...folks may not be partying/talking any louder than the do in the day and don't realize that it amplifies at night.


********************************************************
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********************************************************
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Kinley-pea
Will I ever get to Buckethead?!

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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:42:14 PM
I am not arguing the noise and whether it was loud or not. This particular Friday night it probably was but I kept shushing everyone so I thought we were keeping it down.

What I am upset about is the way they handled it. It was wrong. They know us. They know we aren't violent people. We go to church on Sunday's, help neighbors when we can etc.








Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

Ralph Waldo Emerson
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