Calling the police on a neighbor??? **FINAL UPDATE 12/13**

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Posted 12/10/2012 by Kinley-pea in NSBR Board
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Miss Lerins Momma
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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:43:59 PM
I wouldn't call the police, sorry that happened to you. I can't imagine our neighbors ever calling the police on us either, that just sucks.








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Kinley-pea
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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:47:16 PM

ears ago I used to try talking to the offending neighbors first. But it never went well. Every last one of them was like the OP. "I have a right to enjoy my yard" , balcony or whatever. Absolutely lacking in basic respect for others rights. I even ended up with my tires slashed after asking a neighbor to quieten down.

I call the police now. I call the first time and every time after. 1-2 a month is once a month too often.


I am going to address this and then I have to take someone to school.

Just because I feel I have the right to enjoy my backyard, doesn't mean I would ever act in a rude or negative way to someone for calling me out. That's not the type of person I am. I apologized the next day and am bringing them goodies. Please don't judge me, unless you know me. I know its easy to think that of someone who feels they have the right to enjoy themselves but that doesn't mean I am like others you have met that would act that way.

I also keep my "entitled" feelings to myself and my DH. I would never voice it to them.

Obviously we will tone it down- that was NEVER the issue. It was simply plain and simple, the way they handled it.









Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

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Tuva42
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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:47:33 PM
You just don't get it Kinley-Pea, do you? It was 2 a.m. You were keeping the neighbors awake. I don't care how much you were shushing everyone. You were keeping the neighbors awake. You do this frequently. They can't sleep. YOU are at fault.


Laurie

barbara32ca
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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:50:59 PM
They did tell you before phoning the police. They told you the first time that it happened. You let it happen again. By your own admission, this has been going on once or twice a month for at least 8 months.

You should be the one apologizing. AND, if it continues, don't be surprised if you see the police again.

gar
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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:51:34 PM

What I am upset about is the way they handled it. It was wrong. They know us. They know we aren't violent people. We go to church on Sunday's, help neighbors when we can etc.


Unfortunately it's only wrong in your opinion. And they were obviously upset that people they thought were friends were disturbing them and apparently being thoughtless - in *their* opinion.

Opinions go both ways.



Today, I will be colouring outside the lines.


HouseLady23
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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:56:35 PM
Kinley -

I think you neighbors handled it how they saw best at the time.

You say you wouldn't get mad if the neighbor confronted you but there are people who would.

I was shocked by my neighbors reaction when she went crazy at me the next day. They are a very conservative Morman family that is very active in their church. They had always been very friendly with us. I actually thought she was coming over to apologize for the noise.

PennyPaws
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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:56:58 PM
"What I am upset about is the way they handled it. It was wrong. They know us. They know we aren't violent people. We go to church on Sunday's, help neighbors when we can etc."

In your opinion... In their opinion they handled it the right way... People rarely choose to handle things the wrong way, they do things because they believe it was the right way... And it was not wrong... If it was wrong they would've received a warning or fine from the police for making the call/report... It wasn't wrong, it just wasn't how you'd like it to have been handled...

Not sure what the harm done was though... No one got in trouble, so all I can figure is you guys find it embarrassing the police came to your house or you're embarrassed you've been ignorant that your behaviour has been disruptive to your neighbours... I think it was nice and respectful if them to give you a note about it the very next day - they're not hiding or trying to make a deal of it... You know that it's too loud too late for your neighbours and you can change things in the future...

FWIW, 'quiet time' in the cities I live and work in is 11pm... Two in the morning is considered pushing the envelope for even quiet social gatherings... Your municipality can let you know what time is noted in their by laws and whether it is different on weekends... Those of us working shifts don't really see weekends the same as everyone else so I'm not sure how that is commonly addressed...


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crimsoncat05
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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:57:28 PM
I seriously would like to know WHY you, OP, think that the neighbors inconveniencing themselves at 2 am to come outside and talk to you about the noise situation is the ONLY acceptable way (to you) for them to have handled it??

There are any number of reasons they might not have wanted to do that, and it's none of any of our business (or yours, actually) why they chose to handle it they way they did. Just because a personal interaction is the way YOU would have handled it, or would have liked it to be handled, doesn't mean that's how it HAD to be done.




"Accepting anything without question is the antithesis of critical thinking and education. ~wren*walk, 8/20/12"


PierKiss
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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:58:55 PM

'm sorry but there ARE noise ordinance times in neighborhoods.

And while you might be comfortable confronting someone directly, clearly they were not. They followed their own feelings and made the call to the police.

In this day and age, there may be way too many people calling the po-po for the little things, but hey. Too many cra-crays out there; maybe your neighbors didn't know how you might react.

Man, oh man, we've seen some nutters in our own neighborhood...and I would call the police on them before confronting them, any day.



See, I find that hard to believe. Didn't know how we would react? the guy talks to my DH all the time. My DH is the kind of guy that EVERYONE loves, trust me on that. I even get jealous of how lovable my DH is. Not that I am not lovable but he is just more friendly and outgoing then I am. We keep to ourselves for the most part but are the kind of neighbors that wave and will help anyone if they ask for it.

So I really cant see how they would think we would react in any sort of negative way. We have never given them a reason to think so, that is what is very upsetting about this.


Seriously? At 2am I would not be confronting anyone, especially if *I* felt they were being too loud during their party. And I know that when I'm up until 2am at a party, there is some level of drinking going on. Perhaps your neighbors thought you were also drinking (whether you were or weren't is irrelevant), and didn't want to get into a confrontation with someone they thought was drunk at 2am. And even if your husband is the most loveable person on the planet, that does not mean that he does not have a gun (again, whether you do or don't is irrelevant). People have gone apeshit and shot (stabbed, throttled, run over with a car, whatever) others for a lot less than asking them to be quiet in the middle of the night.

I would be afraid for my safety during a confrontation at 2am, and I'd be willing to bet that perhaps these people were too, and that's why they called the police. Not saying that you all would actually do anything of that nature, but I can easily see where a neighbor might think that sort of scenario could happen during a confrontation.



MergeLeft
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Posted: 12/10/2012 1:05:29 PM
If my neighbors are being loud at 2 AM, and they are frequently loud that late and I've mentioned it to them before as a problem, why on earth I am I going to get up, get dressed and go out in the cold to "remind" them one more time? I'm not. I'm going to reach over and pick up my phone and call the police.

You certainly have the right to enjoy your backyard, but when you make the choice to live in a neighborhood with others nearby, you also have the responsibility to make sure your actions aren't preventing them from enjoying their own bed at what is very reasonably past most people's bed time. The fact that you haven't done so up until now is your problem, not your neighbors'.

Clearly you all like to be loud, so take your parties inside after 11 PM. Problem solved.



Kinley-pea
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Posted: 12/10/2012 1:08:34 PM

You just don't get it Kinley-Pea, do you? It was 2 a.m. You were keeping the neighbors awake. I don't care how much you were shushing everyone. You were keeping the neighbors awake. You do this frequently. They can't sleep. YOU are at fault.



OK I am back from dropping off children (pm kindergarten)


Oh I most certainly "get it". It's you assuming I don't.
It was the way it was handled

and 1-2 times a month IF THAT doesn't seem like frequently to me. What do you consider frequently?

Frequently to me, would be every weekend or every night. This would fit more into the occasionally category and if someone has problems with occasionally they need to let us know that's all I ask.









Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

gmcwife1
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Posted: 12/10/2012 1:11:13 PM

I said 1-2 times a month IF THAT. I have stated that twice already. IF THAT.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



This past Saturday 13 yr old dd and I were up for an 8 am leadership class. The weekend before we had to be 40 minutes away for a charity event by 7 am.

We had a loud neighbor that rented next door, it was horrible trying to sleep while they were talking. And yes, she talked so loudly we could hear her phone conversations when she was in the backyard just having our door open!


~ Dori ~

gar
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Posted: 12/10/2012 1:11:13 PM

Oh I most certainly "get it". It's you assuming I don't.
It was the way it was handled



Saying 'it's the way it was handled' means you *don't* get it - you don't get to choose how other people handled bad situations that you cause. Period!



Today, I will be colouring outside the lines.


crimsoncat05
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Posted: 12/10/2012 1:11:26 PM
you still haven't acknowledged the fact that the way you would have preferred it to be handled isn't the ONLY way... or is that really what you think?

Life doesn't always happen according to your (the general 'you') rules or preferences.





"Accepting anything without question is the antithesis of critical thinking and education. ~wren*walk, 8/20/12"


barbara32ca
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Posted: 12/10/2012 1:12:31 PM

Oh I most certainly "get it". It's you assuming I don't.
It was the way it was handled

and 1-2 times a month IF THAT doesn't seem like frequently to me. What do you consider frequently?

Frequently to me, would be every weekend or every night. This would fit more into the occasionally category and if someone has problems with occasionally they need to let us know that's all I ask.


The part that you don't get is that they have already tried handling it in a way that you think is appropriate. I think that they have been MORE than gracious by not phoning the police sooner. This has been going on 1-2 times a month (if that) for over 8 months? Damn, they are great neighbours. I would have phoned sooner than that.

MergeLeft
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Posted: 12/10/2012 1:13:34 PM


and 1-2 times a month IF THAT doesn't seem like frequently to me. What do you consider frequently?

Frequently to me, would be every weekend or every night. This would fit more into the occasionally category and if someone has problems with occasionally they need to let us know that's all I ask.



If you had to get out of your comfy bed and go out into the cold to ask a neighbor to keep it down 1-2 times a month would you consider that reasonable? I would consider that much too frequent. I would have called the police long since.

Really, any time after the first time you've been asked to keep it down is too frequent. Why would you assume that it's EVER okay for you to be loud outside at 2 AM?



leftturnonly
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Posted: 12/10/2012 1:14:48 PM
You sound like a very nice family. I believe you when you say that you aren't being extremely loud.


OTOH, once upon a time I lived in an apartment just over the pool. You'd be surprised how some sounds carry late at night! It doesn't take much to be disruptive when you're trying to sleep.

Could the neighbors have simply come to you and asked you to take it inside at say midnight? Sure. But they didn't. Why not think of it as they were cranky because they couldn't sleep and didn't want to get up, get redressed and go outside to talk to people, so they took the easy route?

You can ask them if you're quiet by midnight if that would work for them. They might readily agree, knowing that the noise won't go on until the wee hours.




ETA -

It was the first time in 7 weeks I was able to enjoy myself and my DD. Where we were able to not think about all the family drama going on since my sister's passing.

I would just think the neighbor could have peeked his head over the fence and said something. Of course, we would have taken it inside.


I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm glad you were able to begin to laugh again.

It might help if you tell your neighbor this, but even if you don't, try not to let this call from the police bother you.

You and your neighbor can still get a long just fine. Now you're aware of the noise, so make it a point to watch the clock on these nights and take it inside when it gets late.





If PC is the way to get to Heaven, I'm going straight to Hell.



Shevy
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Posted: 12/10/2012 1:21:48 PM
This is the thing. YOu asked a question and the majority of the people responding are telling you how they would see your behavior as an issue. You're still defending it. So either this is really a PVM post and you should have just said that or it didn't go the way you thought it would.

So you didn't realize you were being that loud. So you didn't think that you were irritating your neighbors. But it turns out you are. Figure out a way to change it so that you don't end up with issues down the raod. Just because you would handle a situation in a specific way, doesn't mean everyone else would do the same. And just because it's different doesn't make it wrong, just different.



Annabella
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Posted: 12/10/2012 1:23:36 PM

The next morning, we find a letter on our door of them apologizing for calling etc

Then there is nothing further to say. They didn't have to apologize but were so gracious to do so, your only response should be an apology for disturbing them.




Pea-T-A-Mom
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Posted: 12/10/2012 1:23:50 PM

and 1-2 times a month IF THAT doesn't seem like frequently to me. What do you consider frequently?


I'd consider 12-24 nights each year of disrupted sleep way too frequent. I have a hard time falling asleep as it is. I don't need thoughtless neighbors making it worse. And if I had to get up, get dressed, trek over to the neighbors house to ask them to Shut It, Already, there's no way I'd be getting back to sleep.

You say you're friendly with them - do they not have your phone number? Perhaps you could suggest that they call you before resorting to the police. But you should make a greater effort not to disturb them in the first place.


~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~


Annabella
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Posted: 12/10/2012 1:28:02 PM

and 1-2 times a month IF THAT doesn't seem like frequently to me. What do you consider frequently?


That is frequent and I searched the thread for the word phone and came up empty. Do they not have your phone number? Because if they don't, then they are within their right to not have to get out of bed to tell you to be quiet.




justalittletike
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Posted: 12/10/2012 1:28:03 PM
Hijack:

What is PVM? I have not figured this one out yet.


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WannaPea
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Posted: 12/10/2012 1:29:17 PM

What is PVM? I have not figured this one out yet.
Please Validate Me.


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Dalai Mama
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Posted: 12/10/2012 1:29:32 PM

and 1-2 times a month IF THAT doesn't seem like frequently to me.
They've spoken to you about this in the past and you still continue to do it 1-2 times a month. I'm sorry but I think you are being extremely rude.


Jo Mama

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barbara32ca
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Posted: 12/10/2012 1:31:49 PM

Yes, Clark county. I understand what you are saying also, I would never purposely try to be rude or inconsiderate to my neighbors feelings that's why I don't understand---If we have been bothering them for quite some time? They haven't ever said so (other than that time with boss). If they had ----of course we would be rethink some things.

Loud boss was 8 months ago, so if they are fed up from something from 8 months ago, IMO that is pretty darn petty.


They have asked you in the past to keep quiet and you didn't do it. Why should they keep asking you? Loud is loud.

leftturnonly
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Posted: 12/10/2012 1:34:17 PM

I'd consider 12-24 nights each year of disrupted sleep way too frequent. I have a hard time falling asleep as it is. I don't need thoughtless neighbors making it worse. And if I had to get up, get dressed, trek over to the neighbors house to ask them to Shut It, Already, there's no way I'd be getting back to sleep.


Same here.

OP, if you just realize this point, you can put the police call into perspective and put it behind you.

Now would be a great time to invite the neighbors over, btw.








If PC is the way to get to Heaven, I'm going straight to Hell.



Kinley-pea
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Posted: 12/10/2012 1:40:46 PM

I'd consider 12-24 nights each year of disrupted sleep way too frequent. I have a hard time falling asleep as it is. I don't need thoughtless neighbors making it worse. And if I had to get up, get dressed, trek over to the neighbors house to ask them to Shut It, Already, there's no way I'd be getting back to sleep.


here is the issue though, if we were disrupting them that much. All the times in between those "12-24 nights" where my DH was borrowing an item from them or them from us, I would think they would have mentioned it. They haven't so how do WE know, we were bothering them? We know about that time 8 months ago but that's all we know.


They've spoken to you about this in the past and you still continue to do it 1-2 times a month. I'm sorry but I think you are being extremely rude.


but see that was different, this lady (my old boss) was LOUD, I mean her voice could carry yards over. We were getting tired of it and said if we want to have gatherings, we can't invite her anymore because she is abnormally loud. None of our other friends are loud like that. We speak quietly, there is no reason not too. We are sitting around a small fire lol, this lady just didn't know how to tone her voice down.

We have had gatherings since and they haven't said anything so you're missing our point of us thinking we had the problem fixed, no one has alerted us to anything different.








Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

*maureen*
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Posted: 12/10/2012 1:43:11 PM

I am not arguing the noise and whether it was loud or not. This particular Friday night it probably was but I kept shushing everyone so I thought we were keeping it down.

What I am upset about is the way they handled it. It was wrong. They know us. They know we aren't violent people. We go to church on Sunday's, help neighbors when we can etc.


So, you are admitting that you were probably too loud for 2am. Maybe your neighbor didn't want to deal with your noise and didn't want to deal with you either. It doesn't matter that you aren't violent people, it doesn't matter that you go to church, what matters is you were, by your own admission, too loud for 2am. and your neighbors didn't want to listen to it anymore.

NaughtiusMaximus
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Posted: 12/10/2012 1:43:14 PM
The first Golden Rule of partying is: Invite the neighbors. On either side, and in the back. Now you know that.

Second, how well do you really know each other? "They know us"? Really? Are you shoe-shopping together? Or is it just a "hi" when you go to your cars?

Where we live, and I think in most jurisdictions, the city municipal residential noise curfew is "10 pm Sun-Thu nights, midnight Fri-and Sat nights." You'd better check that before you get righteously indignant. If you were up and any kind of loud at 2:00 a.m., Friday or no, I'd be on the phone with the cops. Some people have to work on Saturday mornings.

The fact that you say your DH was "furious" is PRECISELY the reason your neighbors have every right to call the police, not talk to you. That is WAY overreacting, the kind that gets people into trouble.

Bottom line: You probably broke your city's noise curfew, you were louder than you think at 2:00 a.m. (cutting it at midnight is a good idea on the weekend), they have a right to peace and quiet just the same as you, they probably don't know you half as well as you think they seem to, and your neighbor has every right in the world to call the police if they felt more comfortable with that.

Kinley-pea
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Posted: 12/10/2012 1:46:38 PM

Second, how well do you really know each other? "They know us"? Really? Are you shoe-shopping together? Or is it just a "hi" when you go to your cars?



Know each other well enough that my DH and neighbor guy have sat and talked for over an hour on more than one occasion. They have discussed family, friends, religion etc... So it's more than just a "hi" when we go to our car.








Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Shevy
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Posted: 12/10/2012 1:48:22 PM

The important thing here is, this was the FIRST time since my sister passed that my DD and I were able to laugh and enjoy life. I go to bed every night crying over my sister, I worry about my father constantly. I worry about my DD constantly. This was the first time I was able to let go and enjoy myself and I DON't feel bad for that. I just don't. My life has been ripped apart over the passing of my sister. It happened fast and unexpected. I have a hard time even getting through my days and for the first time I was able to not think about it.



My guess is that this is why you are truly upset. That for the first time you were having fun again and something unexpected put an abrupt end to the fun. That you can't go on enjoying the fun because that experience is ruined by the police showing up.

It's not really about the neighbors, they're your fall guy for your grief and anger about your sister.

I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm sorry that you forgot for the first time and it was ruined. I really am.



scrappower
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Posted: 12/10/2012 1:50:09 PM
Just because you go t church and help people doesn't mean you get to interrupt other people's sleep. You are the rude entitled one here, no one else. You should be apologizing, end of story. What an example to set for your kids.



leftturnonly
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Posted: 12/10/2012 1:50:35 PM

We have had gatherings since and they haven't said anything so you're missing our point of us thinking we had the problem fixed, no one has alerted us to anything different.


This can be such an easy fix.

Invite them over for something to eat.

Tell them that you know the time got away from you, but it was the first time since your sister died that you found yourselves laughing and none of you wanted it to end.

Now that you know, you'll make it a point to go inside by midnight.

How about some more Fondue?



To me, it sounds like they want to work this out just as much as you do.







If PC is the way to get to Heaven, I'm going straight to Hell.



Kinley-pea
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Posted: 12/10/2012 1:51:33 PM

The fact that you say your DH was "furious" is PRECISELY the reason your neighbors have every right to call the police, not talk to you. That is WAY overreacting, the kind that gets people into trouble.


Nope, how do you figure that? LOL, my DH has every right to be furious in his home on his own property. They have never seen my DH get upset, yell etc...

Obviously my DH can maintain himself as he did.

I have had neighbors before where they would have done something stupid.

but to say that my DH has no right to be furious in HIS OWN HOME? please tell me you're not serious? and they didn't see my DH furious, I did---and that was between me and him. Believe me when I say that my DH is loved by everyone, he really is. No one would ever think he is the type that could lose his temper, he just doesn't give off that persona.









Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

barbara32ca
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Posted: 12/10/2012 1:54:42 PM
In fairness, we can only go by the words that you post. Since you keep editing, it's difficult to know what to go by.

CraftChickaPowPow
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Posted: 12/10/2012 1:56:01 PM

This isn't an every night thing for us, more like 1-2 times a month if that.


If my neighbor kept me from sleeping 1-2 times a month making noise until after 12 or 1 or 2am damn straight I'd call the cops on them. After reading this:

They need to get over it. I pay good money to live here and enjoy myself.

I can understand why they called the cops rather than confronting you.


They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

Kinley-pea
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Posted: 12/10/2012 1:57:06 PM

In fairness, we can only go by the words that you post. Since you keep editing, it's difficult to know what to go by.


In all fairness, I haven't edited anything I have added some things but haven't re edited anything.








Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

cannmom
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Posted: 12/10/2012 1:57:53 PM
Posts like this make me so glad I live in the country.

You have probably been disurbing them more than you think and this last one was the straw that broke the camel's back for them. If you are so loud in your yard that I can hear you in my house then you are way too loud. 2 am is really late. I work weekends and if I had to deal with that kind of noise on even a fairly regular basis I would be furious. They sound like nice people and in my opinion owe you no type of apology. If I were you I would be mortified that we had disturbed them to the point that they felt as if they needed to call the police. I would be the one apologizing.

Kinley-pea
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Posted: 12/10/2012 1:58:51 PM

If my neighbor kept me from sleeping 1-2 times a month making noise until after 12 or 1 or 2am damn straight I'd call the cops on them. After reading this:

They need to get over it. I pay good money to live here and enjoy myself.

I can understand why they called the cops rather than confronting you.



Good for you! Again they haven't said anything again until now so how do you know those times even bothered them? You don't! You're assuming.

(and I didn't know either, since they never told us) plain and simple, we cannot take care of a situation if we don't know there is a situation.








Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

barbara32ca
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Posted: 12/10/2012 1:59:53 PM

In fairness, we can only go by the words that you post. Since you keep editing, it's difficult to know what to go by.



In all fairness, I haven't edited anything I have added some things but haven't re edited anything.


My apologies. I was referring to your husband bending over and taking it in the arse which I can't seem to find.

Kinley-pea
Will I ever get to Buckethead?!

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Posted: 12/10/2012 2:01:19 PM

My apologies. I was referring to your husband bending over and taking it in the arse which I can't seem to find.


I will try to find it, I didn't take it out. Maybe its on the first page?








Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

NaughtiusMaximus
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Posted: 12/10/2012 2:04:43 PM
Las Vegas Review-Journal article updated this year: http://www.lvrj.com/living/7993202.html

Clark County ordinance:
11.07.011( nuisance definition includes excessive noise.
11.07.020(a) 3+ instances of noise in a 90 day period may be cited as a misdemeanor. ( individual person(s) associated with (a) may be cited.

If you're in Las Vegas, the noise rules are even more restrictive than Clark County's.

Learn the law first, before you complain.

Again -- does your neighbor HAVE your phone number? Do you have theirs?

This is a total PVM in my eyes. If you're doing it 1-2 times a month, you're in violation of a city ordinance. I call once a QUARTER reasonable. MAYBE.

Kinley-pea
Will I ever get to Buckethead?!

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Posted: 12/10/2012 2:04:55 PM
HERE IS THE POST, IT'S ON THE SECOND PAGE TOWARD THE BOTTOM ABOUT THE TAKING IT IN THE ARSE

I'm not making assumptions, I'm using the information that you posted. This is what you said:
DH wanted to go over that next morning and talk to neighbor but he was furious and I asked him to wait until he wasn't as upset. Not that DH would go nuts on the guy or anything but we would very firmly speak his mind.


I can see a police officer picking up on that and trying to diffuse the situation. I know how they work and what they do. I'm married to one.

Would you call the police or try to talk to them first?


You asked what we would do, but don't really seem to be interested in hearing anything but you are right and your neighbors are horrible. I totally get wanting to vent and be validated. If that's what you are looking for, make it easy on us that have a differing opinion by adding "vent" or "PVM".

-------------------------------------------------------------



Yes but,from the information I provided. I didn't state that DH was furious at the time we spoke to the sheriff. That is what I am referring to, the police officer couldn't have picked up on that because at that point. DH wasn't mad. That's all I am saying there.

Yes you are all free to tell me what you would do, but please don't assume that we are "partying, crazy, loud neighbors" that are doing this all the time and our neighbors are "fed up" I stated our level of gatherings and I don't find anything wrong with that. Every night, yes. The amount we do, no. Especially since we didn't realize it was an issue.



My DH is calm and reasonable but he also isn't a bend over and take it in the arse kind of a guy. If he feels disrespected then he is going to let them know. I fully back him on this issue.








Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

barbara32ca
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Posted: 12/10/2012 2:08:07 PM

My DH is calm and reasonable but he also isn't a bend over and take it in the arse kind of a guy. If he feels disrespected then he is going to let them know. I fully back him on this issue.


Got it. Sorry about that.

Question. Does your dh feel disrespected in this case? After reading all of the replies here, are you still upset with how your neighbours have handled this? Do you understand why they possibly could have handled it the way that they did?

short1cake
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Posted: 12/10/2012 2:08:56 PM
OP, first I'd like to say that I'm sorry about the sudden loss of your sister. If I lost my sister it would be devastating to me as well. I'm happy that you and your DD were able to share a laugh and have a feeling of normalcy.

I probably wouldn't have called the cops, but I would've been very angry if neighborhood noise was keeping me from sleeping. I'm not a happy pleasant person when I'm woken up, and due to a lot of sleep issues, I go to bed early. I would not be able to hold a nice, "Please be quiet" type of conversation with you. It would be more like "Shut your pie-hole and go to bed" type of thing.

If you were out that late making noise on a Friday night, I would also be irate because my husband works late most Friday nights (sometimes as late as 10:00 or even later) and has to be back up at 5:30 AM for work on Saturday. After a few shushings from you, I think you should've taken the teenagers indoors to not upset the neighbors.

MergeLeft
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Posted: 12/10/2012 2:09:48 PM
I know you haven't solicited advice, but can I give you some anyway?

I understand what it's like to be dealing with grief, and emotional, and perhaps not very rational. I'm sorry that you're going through this right now.

Could I gently suggest that, rather than coming on this board to continue to defend actions that virtually every other person here has called indefensible, you just chalk this up to poor choices in the wake a of a terrible tradgedy and bow out?

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you're able to find some peace soon.



leftturnonly
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Posted: 12/10/2012 2:10:36 PM

My DH is calm and reasonable but he also isn't a bend over and take it in the arse kind of a guy. If he feels disrespected then he is going to let them know. I fully back him on this issue.


Then what the heck did you start a thread for?

You want to complain somewhere away from the parties involved? Fine. That's a PVM or a vent, and people do that here every single day. It helps people reading to know that you're just blowing off steam.

Otherwise, there really isn't any point to this thread, is there?





If PC is the way to get to Heaven, I'm going straight to Hell.



moveablefeast
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Posted: 12/10/2012 2:12:04 PM

The important thing here is, this was the FIRST time since my sister passed that my DD and I were able to laugh and enjoy life. I go to bed every night crying over my sister, I worry about my father constantly. I worry about my DD constantly. This was the first time I was able to let go and enjoy myself and I DON't feel bad for that. I just don't. My life has been ripped apart over the passing of my sister. It happened fast and unexpected. I have a hard time even getting through my days and for the first time I was able to not think about it.


Having been there - having lost my brother a few years ago - I get this. I identify with it big time. When my brother died, it DID disrupt a lot of things. It was so hard. SO hard. I am so sorry you are going through this. Losing a sibling is one of the hardest things you will ever go through in life.

The thing is... having seen it from both sides... that while your neighbor may sympathise with your distress, and while it really is wonderful, that first time you get to actually kick back and relax a bit and feel human again, this may not be the important thing to your neighbor. Their sleep may be the important thing to them.

What would you say if your neighbor, for example, was exhausted from caring for a relative following major surgery, and maybe having a sick kid on top of that? Maybe some work pressure or a chronic illness you don't know about? Maybe they already suffer from insomnia? Because here's the thing, that's the scenario in my house right now. I can't even tell you how exhausted I am. So I put in earplugs and use a baby monitor in my daughter's room in case she needs something in the night, since she is of an age where I still need to be able to hear her. In other words, I took intentional steps to minimize my own disruptions to my sleep. Right before my awful neighbors moved out, they had a hang-out-on-the-patio party. Woke me up right through the baby monitor. Sigh. I wanted so much to just give them the leeway to do what they wanted to do, while still doing what I needed to do. So I cared for my dad after his open heart surgery, got up twice a night the whole time my kid was sick, got up at 6 to get to work on time, and have a spouse with severe psoriatic arthritis who can't help me with very much right now. And I KNOW how horrible it is to lose a sibling... but it is still not more than what your neighbors may be dealing with. And you better believe that it was really upsetting to be woken up at 12, 1 in the morning under those circumstances. No matter what my neighbor was dealing with. Because we all have shit to deal with.

Kinley-pea
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Posted: 12/10/2012 2:12:24 PM

11.07.011( nuisance definition includes excessive noise.
11.07.020(a) 3+ instances of noise in a 90 day period may be cited as a misdemeanor. ( individual person(s) associated with (a) may be cited.



Yes thank you for explaining this. I do know the ordinance law here, there haven't been 3+ instances. This was the first time we ever got a visit from the sheriff.

You do know it would have to be 3+ reported incidents right?

Here's the simple fact of it again.

1. I am not arguing we weren't wrong on this particular night
2. I am not arguing that we wouldn't have apologized, we of course would
3. I do feel they owe us more of an apology than we do them, yes we disturbed them and we would have bent over to make up for it, and we are now, but
4. DON'T CALL THE COPS ON YOUR NEIGHBORS over one bad night! If its a regular thing and they have SAID something EACH time, then by all means we deserve it.








Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

NaughtiusMaximus
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Posted: 12/10/2012 2:13:05 PM
Kinley, this is like bumper-cars. You keep adding something with every post, trying to get everyone to say 'oh, sorry, we were wrong.' Um, no.

2:00 a.m. on a Friday is too late. 3+ times in 90 days is a municipal offense. You think your neighbor should be the one to have to get up, get dressed and come over at 2:00 a.m. to tell you to shut up.

A family member dying is no excuse. I've had family members die also, and my laughing and smiling again didn't involve the police.

Everyone, stop responding to this. I am. This is a total PVM that has now turned into "you don't know me" "you don't know my DH" bla bla bla.

Lady, you went to an Internet chat group for advice. Reap what you sow.
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