Does anybody else have a Scrooge for a husband?

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Posted 12/25/2012 by carolanns2 in NSBR Board
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carolanns2
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Posted: 12/25/2012 12:51:19 PM
I certainly hope there isn't another woman here with a Scrooge for husband, my husband didn't give me anything not even a card. Merry Christmas to all..

Peabay
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Posted: 12/25/2012 12:52:06 PM
I'm sorry. That totally sucks.



Nicole in TX
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Posted: 12/25/2012 12:56:27 PM
I'm sorry.



UkSue
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Posted: 12/25/2012 12:58:22 PM
I'm so sorry. Is he always so thoughtless? I've had some pretty bizarre presents ove the years but have never been totally blanked in this way. Can you treat yourself to something special in the next week or two ? Remember, this says everything about the type of person he is, and nothing about who you are.


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gar
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Posted: 12/25/2012 1:00:31 PM
Aww, that's rotten I'm sorry.



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PEArfect
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Posted: 12/25/2012 1:01:57 PM
I'm sorry.

My dh is very generous with me and our three dd's, but sometimes it's like pulling teeth when I mention what I want to buy for our other family members.


Jen


PurposeDrivenPea
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Posted: 12/25/2012 1:03:52 PM
Mine is too. We fight the entire month of December because he hates Christmas. He has been grouchy all day, having to help the kids with their presents, and wanting to do projects around the house when everyone else just wants to relax and play with their new things


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Kiwipolz
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Posted: 12/25/2012 1:09:20 PM
My husband's love language is not gifts, so no gifts for me. Im OK with that.

Ginger_64
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Posted: 12/25/2012 1:21:05 PM
I never saw my dad give my mom a gift in my life. I do know that he sent her out shopping for gifts for his secretaries every year at the holidays. I'm not sure what his love language was. Honestly, for him I think it was just the fact that he earned a good living, she didn't have to work, he wasn't a drunk, and he came home every night. He grew up in a big Irish family and his father was a drunk, violent at times, who never kept a job and caused his family to grow up in poverty. They moved around a lot because they were always being evicted. My mom told me about it; he never talked about it himself.

I loved my dad (he's gone now) and I grew to understand and appreciate him for who he was. But growing up, I knew I couldn't marry a man like him. My dh doesn't always get me gifts, but it's because we are trying to be careful with money and we agree to do it that way. I know he would shower me with gifts if he could. Whether he's buying gifts or not, I always know his love.

Why is it your dh doesn't buy you gifts and does he know that you would really like it if he did? I'm a big fan of telling people what you want and what you like.

crimsoncat05
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Posted: 12/25/2012 1:24:37 PM
we decided not to exchange gifts here, so sort of by design, but we didn't get anything for each other (not even a card).

It felt weird, for sure.




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cahwoo
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Posted: 12/25/2012 1:27:27 PM
I got nothing from DH or my adult son. I am visiting the daughter to spend time with the grand children and only got a crummy $30 gift card for books. Bah Hum Bug This Christmas stuff sucks. I'm done trying to be nice and trying to make everyone happy when NOBODY make any effort to make me happy.

cahwoo
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Posted: 12/25/2012 1:27:28 PM
I got nothing from DH or my adult son. I am visiting the daughter to spend time with the grand children and only got a crummy $30 gift card for books. Bah Hum Bug This Christmas stuff sucks. I'm done trying to be nice and trying to make everyone happy when NOBODY make any effort to make me happy.

elaine226
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Posted: 12/25/2012 1:27:29 PM
No gift, no Christmas dinner.
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Posted: 12/25/2012 1:28:37 PM
DH & I don't give each other cards. Never thought of it.

My suggestion...let him be.

Christmas is a very emotional & tough time for lots of people and it takes time & patience to figure out what it is you like/love & don't like/hate about Christmas.



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tinkgumby
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Posted: 12/25/2012 1:31:35 PM
I can't even imagine. Gifts are my love language, and I would be crushed not to get anything. I'm sorry.


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scrappower
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Posted: 12/25/2012 1:33:31 PM
That is just so unacceptable to me. I don't care if it isn't his "love language", if it is important to you, he should make an effort. It isn't hard. It would not fly here at all.



slkmommy
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Posted: 12/25/2012 1:35:41 PM
My husband and I rarely exchange anything of value....he bought me boots I got him a DVD and a t-shirt. (I have a private surprise that will literally knock his socks off for a time when we're alone!).

I just am glad I have a happy family and get to relax with my family...gifts don't matter...


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Paweet
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Posted: 12/25/2012 1:37:44 PM
What a dick


**Marie**

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Posted: 12/25/2012 1:46:57 PM
My husband didn't get me anything either and while it kind of stings, it's just him and always has been. No surprises that he didn't get me anything. He is not one to buy presents because the calendar says so. He buys me random things throughout the year. He bought me a macbook pro at the beginning of December. I mentioned wanting an e-book last week and the next day it was loaded on my iPad. I bought him a bayonet, a sodastream and a ps3 game he's been wanting and granted I could totally be pinchy about it and have been in years past but today I am thankful he is healthy and home with us. Next year he'll be deployed again.

It's the little things and the season of giving. I hope that you can find something to brighten your day (like maybe a little online shopping to buy something just for you)





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miominmio
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Posted: 12/25/2012 1:52:19 PM
Mine is like that too. Married 16 years, and so far no presents (and yes, he gets presents fom me every Jul and birthday), and it stings, it really does

scoobers

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Posted: 12/25/2012 2:00:58 PM
I hate it when women make excuses for men who are too selfish to buy a gift for them. Gifts don't have to be expensive, it's the thought that goes into them that matters.

I would sit down with him after the holiday and explain how you feel and then next year in plenty of time before the holiday, give him a list of things you would like and say "here, shop from this list".



scrappower
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Posted: 12/25/2012 2:02:24 PM

I hate it when women make excuses for men who are too selfish to buy a gift for them. Gifts don't have to be expensive, it's the thought that goes into them that matters.

I would sit down with him after the holiday and explain how you feel and then next year in plenty of time before the holiday, give him a list of things you would like and say "here, shop from this list".


Exactly!



miominmio
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Posted: 12/25/2012 2:09:00 PM
Scoobers: I've tried that, repeatedly.

scoobers

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Posted: 12/25/2012 2:11:49 PM
Honestly, I would stop buying for him. And, I would buy for myself, and myself buys myself realllllyyyyy nice gifts. if he says anything, explain exactly why and don't mince any words.



pennyring
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Posted: 12/25/2012 2:13:41 PM
Women who receive nothing -- have you directly told your DH what you would like him to buy you? I really think there are one of two things going on here: 1. You didn't tell him what he needs to do, or 2. He's a dick.

If its #1, it's totally your fault. Tell him what he needs to do next time. He's not a mind reader.

If it's #2, I would consider counseling, and I'm totally serious. It's not ok for someone to blow off Christmas (or whatever) because it's not "their thing". It's not about THEM. It's about the gift recipient and what they need to feel loved. Sheesh.

Although, I do think in most cases the problem is the woman not speaking up because "he should just know." Ok, well maybe he SHOULD, but obviously he DOESN'T, so you need to help him out here.

My DH knows he needs to always get me a couple of Diamond Candles. That's the easy one. From there, I usually pick a couple of gifts myself and hand them off to him to wrap. After that, he's really good at just finding a few things here and there.

He understands that I need gifts and prizes. I need little things to open. He understands because we have discussed it ad naseum. I'm lucky that he's really good at it, but over the years, I have had to steer him in the right direction. Sometimes I do a lot of steering.

But when it comes down to it, if you don't speak up, it's your fault. Not his. Be proactive. Do what needs to be done.



miominmio
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Posted: 12/25/2012 2:14:18 PM
That's my plan for next year and I'm going to get REALLY nice gifts

LauraBadora
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Posted: 12/25/2012 2:16:59 PM
We didn't do gifts this year. I can only think of a few Christmas that we did gifts for each other. I did get him a card, but I won't be sad if he doesn't get one for me.

We're always more into birthdays than Christmas

luvmythree
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Posted: 12/25/2012 2:18:32 PM
I didn't get a gift either unless you count a 12 pack of bud light a gift lol!

Honestly I don't really care and would prefer him not buy me anything because that way it can't be held over my head.

In fact my 40th bday was in October, I didn't get a gift the either, and damned if I didn't buy myself a gift.

Piss on him do something for YOU!

ETA: he did and does get gifts from me and the kids.


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miominmio
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Posted: 12/25/2012 2:19:10 PM
My (not so dear right now) H buys presents for his parents and siblings, and is able to pick really nice things for them. Obviously, I'm not that important :mad. And I'm really sorry for the hijack, OP {{{{hugs}}}}

Woobster
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Posted: 12/25/2012 2:21:33 PM

Honestly, I would stop buying for him. And, I would buy for myself, and myself buys myself realllllyyyyy nice gifts.

This is what my BFF does. Her DH hates shopping and refuses to do it. So, she takes an agreed up amount of money and spends it on things for herself.

I put a lot of thought into the things I buy for DH. I would be really upset if he didn't get anything for me.

Vi
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Posted: 12/25/2012 2:25:28 PM
My husband didn't get me anything either but it was by design. We decided not to exchange gifts because we would rather go out and do something together. We've been married a long time and have way too much stuff.

My daughter has been married for 17 years and her husband has bought around 2 gifts for her. He doesn't know how to get/give gifts. My daughter put a diamond and gold bracelet on lay-away, paid it off before Christmas and told him today that was his gift to her. They make a joke of it and she gets something she wants...works for her. Sometimes we invest way too much emotion into something but we could have better experiences in focusing on other ways to handle things. We might have a better attitude toward life if we changed our expectations.

Vi

pilotswife2008
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Posted: 12/25/2012 2:35:27 PM
My DH always told me that he never bought his ex anything because she always complained about what he bought and he just didn't like her. So as our relationship went on I noticed that there was a decline in cards for holidays and gifts and such. So this past Mother's Day not even a thanks for birthing my kids!! I waited allday. 12:01am I say to DH do I get a card he said no. My eyes watered he said well what's wrong. I said remember how you used to tell me how you never bought your ex anything because you didn't like her? He said yeah!! There was his light bulb moment. I've gotten something every occasion since needless to say I had the best adult Christmas ever and so will he !!


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WorkingClassDog
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Posted: 12/25/2012 2:39:08 PM
I understand although dh does buy gifts. Thing is that I tell him what I want and then he says then it isn't a surprise or no that isn't what I really want. I wanted that bike from Target and it even went on sale 1/2 off. Did I get it. No. He said it was to dumb looking. I told him he wasn't going to ride it. Sooo no bike




scoobers

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Posted: 12/25/2012 3:42:29 PM
So go buy the bike. You're a big girl. You don't need anyone's permission.

Merry Christmas to you



suswic
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Posted: 12/25/2012 3:44:23 PM
Yes, only time my husband ever buys me anything is for my birthday and then he likes to tell me how much it did cost.

I always give him something for Christmas and Father's day though.

Oh, he can tell me he THOUGHT about buying me flowers or a book, but ended up not doing it.



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ilovebuble
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Posted: 12/25/2012 3:49:39 PM
My husband is not a Scrooge, he just needs help in the gift giving department. He is too afraid to just go at it alone so I leave catalogs and Amazon wish lists out about a month before any gift giving occasion.

Do I wish he would take the time and effort to think of something on his own? Yes. But with the way we do things I always get something I want and I leave him with enough options that I am still surprised with what I get.

Try leaving those types of hints around and maybe he will get a clue.

Compwalla
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Posted: 12/25/2012 3:56:26 PM
My husband is really good at a lot of things but he is sort of an inept gift giver. Part of it is my fault. I am admittedly extremely hard to shop for. I don't like jewelry, I am picky about clothes, I have a hobby he doesn't know much about, he knows better than to get me something like an appliance. I honestly prefer to pick out my own things and many Christmases he hasn't even been home to shop for me anyhow. So I am used to buying my own stuff and wrapping it up. I always get what I want.

Usually our gift to each other is something to do rather than something to open. He also buys his own stuff because I don't know anything about golf. He buys golf balls and gloves and a new putter or whatever. Love, Santa. I don't get upset about it neither does he. Some years I figure out something to surprise him but most years we shop for ourselves and then go someplace together.

But for him to be humbug about the whole holiday and grouch and blow it off? That would upset me.


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likescarrots
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Posted: 12/25/2012 4:14:07 PM

Gifts don't have to be expensive, it's the thought that goes into them that matters


Apparently not always the case:


only got a crummy $30 gift card for books.

Donna in GA
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Posted: 12/25/2012 5:14:27 PM
I am so sorry for those of you that did not get gifts. I told my dh about this thread and he was horrified! I am very thankful that his father modeled good gift giving to his sons.

I agree with everyone that says you need to have a talk with these husbands. Tell them the importance of modeling gift giving to their children. It is very important.


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Pridemom
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Posted: 12/25/2012 5:15:42 PM
I'm sorry that some Peas are hurting today. Get yourself a special purchase and enjoy it! Next year, but yourself gifts, wrap and enjoy Christmas morning. If you want to be devious, make comments like, "Oh Honey, how did you know?"





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Posted: 12/25/2012 5:45:02 PM
Well I would go buy the bike, if he didn't use the money that was set aside for gifts on a gift card.. which I do like. I can use the clothes...If the bike is on clearance tomorrow.. I might have enough $$$ to get it...



luvmythree
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Posted: 12/25/2012 5:54:50 PM
Hell I'd trade my beer for the $30 GC anyday


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back to *pea*ality
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Posted: 12/25/2012 5:59:08 PM
Sorry for the peas that are hurting today. You deserve to be loved and cared for. Tell that to your husband/significant other. Give them the chance, if they are not willing to do the things that make you feel their love then it's time to do a life review. I would suspect its just not about this one day.

For those that don't care and find that your husband/significant other does things that make you feel loved and cared for that doesn't include gift giving for important occasions that is great! But we are all different and have different needs.


Sunshine36616
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Posted: 12/25/2012 6:01:28 PM
No, not anymore anyway. My DH is an awesome gift giver.



mom2cameron
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Posted: 12/25/2012 6:02:11 PM
I have Scrooge for a husband too. No gifts.


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Posted: 12/25/2012 6:23:34 PM
My long story:

For years it has been my job alone to get ready for Christmas. The other three are very poorly trained and disappear so I don't call them in to service.

This year I started early saying how we all needed to clean Saturday morning before we left for the in-law's house because on Monday I'd be rushed getting ready for my own side of the family to arrive here.

So on Friday night, dh says that he and ds would be gone from about 9 to 12 on some Christmas errand Saturday morning. And we were to leave at 2:00. That night we got into a large argument because he didn't want to get up early on Saturday morning to help me before he left.....so he'd sleep until it was just before 9...they'd get home at around 12, eat lunch and pack and that would leave them about an hour to help me. And I am in the shower and packing my own bags during that last hour.

Did I just want him to tell me what I was getting? He was just trying to do the right thing by getting my present there in time for Christmas? (Some yelling and fist waving in between those sentences, too....)

Saturday morning he and ds left as planned, then came home by 9:30 saying the roads were terrible, then he mentions several times I wouldn't have anything to unwrap on Christmas. And then this morning, I unwrap two things from the kids and nothing from him. He buys the presents they 'give' (last year for that, but that's another story), so he really did give me something, but the mystery gift is not here.

So, I got help like I wanted, but I had to 'pay' by not getting my present on time.

gale w
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Posted: 12/25/2012 6:30:04 PM

I got nothing from DH or my adult son. I am visiting the daughter to spend time with the grand children and only got a crummy $30 gift card for books. Bah Hum Bug This Christmas stuff sucks. I'm done trying to be nice and trying to make everyone happy when NOBODY make any effort to make me happy.
Apparently someone did, or did you buy yourself the gift card? Maybe it's just me but I'd be thrilled to get a $30 gc from anyone.

OP I'm sorry-that stinks. DH used to be like this for other occasions, even while making sure I made or bought a nice card and gift for his mom for mother's day, birthday, etc. Finally I just told him straight up that it hurt my feelings when he worked so hard to make sure his mom had a nice mother's day when I didn't get so much as a card (this was when our kids were small). Now he gets me a gift every time, even if it's something I tell him specifically that I want. Sometimes I think men need to be told point-blank what you want.


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peachpea
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Posted: 12/25/2012 6:34:22 PM

I certainly hope there isn't another woman here with a Scrooge for husband, my husband didn't give me anything not even a card. Merry Christmas to all..


That would be me. DH and grown single son never buy gifts. DD loves to shop, so if it weren't for her I'd have had zero to open. She's getting married this spring, so that might stop next year and I'll totally get nothing. For the first time ever I didn't get DH anything on purpose to,show him how it feels, until he mentioned we needed a new pastry brush for icing cookies. I broke down and bought one Sunday afternoon or he would have had nothing from me for the first time in 36 years. Sad thing is that he wouldn't have cared had he got nothing from me or DD. I've tried begging and telling him how he hurts my feelings each year. Doesn't work. His saving grace is he does 99 percent of the grocery shopping, cooks more than I do, mops, does laundry, works full-time, and does windows. So I convince myself that's his gift year round, but good perfume besides Shania Twain brand would be good--that's the last gift I got 2-3 years ago. Normally he gets me a poinsettia for my December birthday but nada this year......can you tell I'm a bit hurt? So OP, I feel your pain. You're not alone.

peaname
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Posted: 12/25/2012 6:42:01 PM
A friend at my church was telling me that her husband didn't get her a Christmas gift one year and she read him the riot act, not because she didn't get a gift, but because he was modeling the wrong way to treat women to their teenaged sons. She has received great gifts for all the holidays since!


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pretzels
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Posted: 12/25/2012 6:42:02 PM
Mine is a Scrooge. I didn't get anything, but we agreed that since I just got a new car and he got the Surface tablet, that we wouldn't get each other anything. He's a Scrooge because he seems to resent every single bit of preparation/events relating to Christmas. That is not the man I married almost 18 years ago.


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