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carolanns2
PeaNut
PeaNut 319,751
May 2007
Posts: 33
Layouts: 0
 |  Posted: 12/25/2012 12:51:19 PM
I certainly hope there isn't another woman here with a Scrooge for husband, my husband didn't give me anything not even a card. Merry Christmas to all.. | |
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Peabay
Happy now?
PeaNut 156,993
July 2004
Posts: 44,661
Layouts: 13
Loc: Connecticut
 | Posted: 12/25/2012 12:52:06 PM
I'm sorry. That totally sucks.  |
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Nicole in TX
The Peas did what we do and went insane over it
PeaNut 16,696
June 2001
Posts: 18,167
Layouts: 65
Loc: Not so obvious
 | Posted: 12/25/2012 12:56:27 PM
I'm sorry.  |
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UkSue
AncestralPea
PeaNut 428,374
June 2009
Posts: 4,240
Layouts: 2
Loc: Greater London
 | Posted: 12/25/2012 12:58:22 PM
I'm so sorry. Is he always so thoughtless? I've had some pretty bizarre presents ove the years but have never been totally blanked in this way. Can you treat yourself to something special in the next week or two ? Remember, this says everything about the type of person he is, and nothing about who you are. |
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gar
Whoopea!
PeaNut 172,235
October 2004
Posts: 12,466
Layouts: 0
Loc: England UK
| Posted: 12/25/2012 1:00:31 PM
Aww, that's rotten I'm sorry.
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"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours."
Stephen Roberts
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PEArfect
AncestralPea
PeaNut 452,048
January 2010
Posts: 4,468
Layouts: 0
Loc: Indiana
| Posted: 12/25/2012 1:01:57 PM
I'm sorry.
My dh is very generous with me and our three dd's, but sometimes it's like pulling teeth when I mention what I want to buy for our other family members. |
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PurposeDrivenPea
PeaAddict
PeaNut 66,365
February 2003
Posts: 1,130
Layouts: 231
Loc: SW Michigan
 | Posted: 12/25/2012 1:03:52 PM
Mine is too. We fight the entire month of December because he hates Christmas. He has been grouchy all day, having to help the kids with their presents, and wanting to do projects around the house when everyone else just wants to relax and play with their new things |
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Kiwipolz
It's Polz, not Kiwi
PeaNut 166,713
September 2004
Posts: 7,309
Layouts: 218
Loc: New Zealand
| Posted: 12/25/2012 1:09:20 PM
My husband's love language is not gifts, so no gifts for me. Im OK with that. | |
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Ginger_64
BucketHead
PeaNut 562,204
July 2012
Posts: 770
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 12/25/2012 1:21:05 PM
I never saw my dad give my mom a gift in my life. I do know that he sent her out shopping for gifts for his secretaries every year at the holidays. I'm not sure what his love language was. Honestly, for him I think it was just the fact that he earned a good living, she didn't have to work, he wasn't a drunk, and he came home every night. He grew up in a big Irish family and his father was a drunk, violent at times, who never kept a job and caused his family to grow up in poverty. They moved around a lot because they were always being evicted. My mom told me about it; he never talked about it himself.
I loved my dad (he's gone now) and I grew to understand and appreciate him for who he was. But growing up, I knew I couldn't marry a man like him. My dh doesn't always get me gifts, but it's because we are trying to be careful with money and we agree to do it that way. I know he would shower me with gifts if he could. Whether he's buying gifts or not, I always know his love.
Why is it your dh doesn't buy you gifts and does he know that you would really like it if he did? I'm a big fan of telling people what you want and what you like. | |
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crimsoncat05
PeaFixture
PeaNut 273,602
August 2006
Posts: 3,295
Layouts: 99
Loc: Phoenix, AZ area
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cahwoo
BucketHead
PeaNut 104,608
September 2003
Posts: 597
Layouts: 71
Loc: Connecticut
 | Posted: 12/25/2012 1:27:27 PM
I got nothing from DH or my adult son. I am visiting the daughter to spend time with the grand children and only got a crummy $30 gift card for books. Bah Hum Bug This Christmas stuff sucks. I'm done trying to be nice and trying to make everyone happy when NOBODY make any effort to make me happy. | |
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cahwoo
BucketHead
PeaNut 104,608
September 2003
Posts: 597
Layouts: 71
Loc: Connecticut
| Posted: 12/25/2012 1:27:28 PM
I got nothing from DH or my adult son. I am visiting the daughter to spend time with the grand children and only got a crummy $30 gift card for books. Bah Hum Bug This Christmas stuff sucks. I'm done trying to be nice and trying to make everyone happy when NOBODY make any effort to make me happy. | |
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elaine226
PeaNut
PeaNut 559,661
July 2012
Posts: 303
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 12/25/2012 1:27:29 PM
No gift, no Christmas dinner. | |
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2LuvPeasLife
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 394,173
October 2008
Posts: 2,824
Layouts: 34
Loc: Vancouver, BC CANADA
 | Posted: 12/25/2012 1:28:37 PM
DH & I don't give each other cards. Never thought of it.
My suggestion...let him be.
Christmas is a very emotional & tough time for lots of people and it takes time & patience to figure out what it is you like/love & don't like/hate about Christmas.
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Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.
-- Dr. Seuss
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tinkgumby
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 281,136
October 2006
Posts: 2,262
Layouts: 6
Loc: DFW, TX
| Posted: 12/25/2012 1:31:35 PM
I can't even imagine. Gifts are my love language, and I would be crushed not to get anything. I'm sorry. |
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scrappower
Allons-y Alonso
PeaNut 174,150
October 2004
Posts: 12,995
Layouts: 0
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slkmommy
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 266,020
June 2006
Posts: 2,551
Layouts: 0
Loc: freedom, pa
| Posted: 12/25/2012 1:35:41 PM
My husband and I rarely exchange anything of value....he bought me boots I got him a DVD and a t-shirt. (I have a private surprise that will literally knock his socks off for a time when we're alone!).
I just am glad I have a happy family and get to relax with my family...gifts don't matter... |
sherri
Like my opinion really counts anyway... | |
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Paweet
PeaNut
PeaNut 574,637
December 2012
Posts: 59
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 12/25/2012 1:37:44 PM
What a dick |
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*theCakeGirl*
PeaFixture
PeaNut 220
April 1999
Posts: 3,504
Layouts: 148
Loc: Upstate NY
 | Posted: 12/25/2012 1:46:57 PM
My husband didn't get me anything either and while it kind of stings, it's just him and always has been. No surprises that he didn't get me anything. He is not one to buy presents because the calendar says so. He buys me random things throughout the year. He bought me a macbook pro at the beginning of December. I mentioned wanting an e-book last week and the next day it was loaded on my iPad. I bought him a bayonet, a sodastream and a ps3 game he's been wanting and granted I could totally be pinchy about it and have been in years past but today I am thankful he is healthy and home with us. Next year he'll be deployed again.
It's the little things and the season of giving. I hope that you can find something to brighten your day (like maybe a little online shopping to buy something just for you)
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miominmio
Stuck In The Bucket
PeaNut 497,330
January 2011
Posts: 701
Layouts: 0
Loc: Where the polar bears live
 | Posted: 12/25/2012 1:52:19 PM
Mine is like that too. Married 16 years, and so far no presents (and yes, he gets presents fom me every Jul and birthday), and it stings, it really does | |
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scoobers
Why, YES!, I am a princess.
PeaNut 417,049
March 2009
Posts: 12,860
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 12/25/2012 2:00:58 PM
I hate it when women make excuses for men who are too selfish to buy a gift for them. Gifts don't have to be expensive, it's the thought that goes into them that matters.
I would sit down with him after the holiday and explain how you feel and then next year in plenty of time before the holiday, give him a list of things you would like and say "here, shop from this list". |
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scrappower
Allons-y Alonso
PeaNut 174,150
October 2004
Posts: 12,995
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 12/25/2012 2:02:24 PM
I hate it when women make excuses for men who are too selfish to buy a gift for them. Gifts don't have to be expensive, it's the thought that goes into them that matters.
I would sit down with him after the holiday and explain how you feel and then next year in plenty of time before the holiday, give him a list of things you would like and say "here, shop from this list".
Exactly! |
 
Blessed Be! | |
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miominmio
Stuck In The Bucket
PeaNut 497,330
January 2011
Posts: 701
Layouts: 0
Loc: Where the polar bears live
| Posted: 12/25/2012 2:09:00 PM
Scoobers: I've tried that, repeatedly. | |
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scoobers
Why, YES!, I am a princess.
PeaNut 417,049
March 2009
Posts: 12,860
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 12/25/2012 2:11:49 PM
Honestly, I would stop buying for him. And, I would buy for myself, and myself buys myself realllllyyyyy nice gifts. if he says anything, explain exactly why and don't mince any words. |
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pennyring
Thrift Ninja
PeaNut 226,011
October 2005
Posts: 22,412
Layouts: 40
Loc: Rite Aid
 | Posted: 12/25/2012 2:13:41 PM
Women who receive nothing -- have you directly told your DH what you would like him to buy you? I really think there are one of two things going on here: 1. You didn't tell him what he needs to do, or 2. He's a dick.
If its #1, it's totally your fault. Tell him what he needs to do next time. He's not a mind reader.
If it's #2, I would consider counseling, and I'm totally serious. It's not ok for someone to blow off Christmas (or whatever) because it's not "their thing". It's not about THEM. It's about the gift recipient and what they need to feel loved. Sheesh.
Although, I do think in most cases the problem is the woman not speaking up because "he should just know." Ok, well maybe he SHOULD, but obviously he DOESN'T, so you need to help him out here.
My DH knows he needs to always get me a couple of Diamond Candles. That's the easy one. From there, I usually pick a couple of gifts myself and hand them off to him to wrap. After that, he's really good at just finding a few things here and there.
He understands that I need gifts and prizes. I need little things to open. He understands because we have discussed it ad naseum. I'm lucky that he's really good at it, but over the years, I have had to steer him in the right direction. Sometimes I do a lot of steering.
But when it comes down to it, if you don't speak up, it's your fault. Not his. Be proactive. Do what needs to be done.
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miominmio
Stuck In The Bucket
PeaNut 497,330
January 2011
Posts: 701
Layouts: 0
Loc: Where the polar bears live
| Posted: 12/25/2012 2:14:18 PM
That's my plan for next year and I'm going to get REALLY nice gifts | |
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LauraBadora
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 400,215
November 2008
Posts: 2,018
Layouts: 2
| Posted: 12/25/2012 2:16:59 PM
We didn't do gifts this year. I can only think of a few Christmas that we did gifts for each other. I did get him a card, but I won't be sad if he doesn't get one for me.
We're always more into birthdays than Christmas | |
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luvmythree
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 223,222
September 2005
Posts: 2,704
Layouts: 47
Loc: Kansas
| Posted: 12/25/2012 2:18:32 PM
I didn't get a gift either unless you count a 12 pack of bud light a gift lol!
Honestly I don't really care and would prefer him not buy me anything because that way it can't be held over my head.
In fact my 40th bday was in October, I didn't get a gift the either, and damned if I didn't buy myself a gift.
Piss on him do something for YOU!
ETA: he did and does get gifts from me and the kids. |
Kirsten mom to~
Alexandria 20
Ethan 10
Owen 8 CFC syndrome,cp 29.5 wk preemie
Expecting my first grandbaby May 2013!
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miominmio
Stuck In The Bucket
PeaNut 497,330
January 2011
Posts: 701
Layouts: 0
Loc: Where the polar bears live
| Posted: 12/25/2012 2:19:10 PM
My (not so dear right now) H buys presents for his parents and siblings, and is able to pick really nice things for them. Obviously, I'm not that important :mad. And I'm really sorry for the hijack, OP {{{{hugs}}}} | |
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Woobster
The Banana Under the Couch Pea
PeaNut 295,941
February 2007
Posts: 6,608
Layouts: 0
Loc: Somewhere over the rainbow...
| Posted: 12/25/2012 2:21:33 PM
Honestly, I would stop buying for him. And, I would buy for myself, and myself buys myself realllllyyyyy nice gifts.
This is what my BFF does. Her DH hates shopping and refuses to do it. So, she takes an agreed up amount of money and spends it on things for herself.
I put a lot of thought into the things I buy for DH. I would be really upset if he didn't get anything for me. | |
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Vi
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 24,036
November 2001
Posts: 5,357
Layouts: 13
Loc: Mesa, AZ
| Posted: 12/25/2012 2:25:28 PM
My husband didn't get me anything either but it was by design. We decided not to exchange gifts because we would rather go out and do something together. We've been married a long time and have way too much stuff.
My daughter has been married for 17 years and her husband has bought around 2 gifts for her. He doesn't know how to get/give gifts. My daughter put a diamond and gold bracelet on lay-away, paid it off before Christmas and told him today that was his gift to her. They make a joke of it and she gets something she wants...works for her. Sometimes we invest way too much emotion into something but we could have better experiences in focusing on other ways to handle things. We might have a better attitude toward life if we changed our expectations.
Vi | |
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pilotswife2008
Going Up
PeaNut 376,447
May 2008
Posts: 1,515
Layouts: 19
Loc: Would rather be somewhere else.
| Posted: 12/25/2012 2:35:27 PM
My DH always told me that he never bought his ex anything because she always complained about what he bought and he just didn't like her. So as our relationship went on I noticed that there was a decline in cards for holidays and gifts and such. So this past Mother's Day not even a thanks for birthing my kids!! I waited allday. 12:01am I say to DH do I get a card he said no. My eyes watered he said well what's wrong. I said remember how you used to tell me how you never bought your ex anything because you didn't like her? He said yeah!! There was his light bulb moment. I've gotten something every occasion since needless to say I had the best adult Christmas ever and so will he !! |
Camera: Canon Rebl EOS T3i
Lenses: 18-55mm, 55-250mm
Flash: Speedlite 430EX ll
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WorkingClassDog
Rick Springfield Junkie
PeaNut 78,429
March 2003
Posts: 13,988
Layouts: 5
Loc: Mountain High Pea
| Posted: 12/25/2012 2:39:08 PM
I understand although dh does buy gifts. Thing is that I tell him what I want and then he says then it isn't a surprise or no that isn't what I really want. I wanted that bike from Target and it even went on sale 1/2 off. Did I get it. No. He said it was to dumb looking. I told him he wasn't going to ride it. Sooo no bike
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scoobers
Why, YES!, I am a princess.
PeaNut 417,049
March 2009
Posts: 12,860
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 12/25/2012 3:42:29 PM
So go buy the bike. You're a big girl. You don't need anyone's permission.
Merry Christmas to you  |
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suswic
PeaNut
PeaNut 265,839
June 2006
Posts: 67
Layouts: 0
Loc: Stockholm, Sweden
| Posted: 12/25/2012 3:44:23 PM
Yes, only time my husband ever buys me anything is for my birthday and then he likes to tell me how much it did cost.
I always give him something for Christmas and Father's day though.
Oh, he can tell me he THOUGHT about buying me flowers or a book, but ended up not doing it. |
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ilovebuble
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 539,539
January 2012
Posts: 2,467
Layouts: 0
 | Posted: 12/25/2012 3:49:39 PM
My husband is not a Scrooge, he just needs help in the gift giving department. He is too afraid to just go at it alone so I leave catalogs and Amazon wish lists out about a month before any gift giving occasion.
Do I wish he would take the time and effort to think of something on his own? Yes. But with the way we do things I always get something I want and I leave him with enough options that I am still surprised with what I get.
Try leaving those types of hints around and maybe he will get a clue. | |
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Compwalla
Pastafarian Pea
PeaNut 11,942
March 2001
Posts: 19,836
Layouts: 39
Loc: Vacaville, CA
 | Posted: 12/25/2012 3:56:26 PM
My husband is really good at a lot of things but he is sort of an inept gift giver. Part of it is my fault. I am admittedly extremely hard to shop for. I don't like jewelry, I am picky about clothes, I have a hobby he doesn't know much about, he knows better than to get me something like an appliance. I honestly prefer to pick out my own things and many Christmases he hasn't even been home to shop for me anyhow. So I am used to buying my own stuff and wrapping it up. I always get what I want.
Usually our gift to each other is something to do rather than something to open. He also buys his own stuff because I don't know anything about golf. He buys golf balls and gloves and a new putter or whatever. Love, Santa. I don't get upset about it neither does he. Some years I figure out something to surprise him but most years we shop for ourselves and then go someplace together.
But for him to be humbug about the whole holiday and grouch and blow it off? That would upset me. |
Virginia
I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires. --Susan B. Anthony
Blog link - Dryer Lint
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likescarrots
PeaNut
PeaNut 563,786
August 2012
Posts: 289
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 12/25/2012 4:14:07 PM
Gifts don't have to be expensive, it's the thought that goes into them that matters
Apparently not always the case:
only got a crummy $30 gift card for books.
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Donna in GA
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 60,695
January 2003
Posts: 8,060
Layouts: 2
| Posted: 12/25/2012 5:14:27 PM
I am so sorry for those of you that did not get gifts. I told my dh about this thread and he was horrified! I am very thankful that his father modeled good gift giving to his sons.
I agree with everyone that says you need to have a talk with these husbands. Tell them the importance of modeling gift giving to their children. It is very important. |
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Pridemom
Pride of the Peas
PeaNut 25,575
December 2001
Posts: 19,081
Layouts: 45
Loc: Stuck in the Middle With You
| Posted: 12/25/2012 5:15:42 PM
I'm sorry that some Peas are hurting today. Get yourself a special purchase and enjoy it! Next year, but yourself gifts, wrap and enjoy Christmas morning. If you want to be devious, make comments like, "Oh Honey, how did you know?"
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Proud Wife and Mom to four big goons!
I cannot be old enough to have three teens and a tween.
God, who foresaw your tribulation, has specially formed you to
go through it, not without pain but without stain.
-- C. S. Lewis
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WorkingClassDog
Rick Springfield Junkie
PeaNut 78,429
March 2003
Posts: 13,988
Layouts: 5
Loc: Mountain High Pea
| Posted: 12/25/2012 5:45:02 PM
Well I would go buy the bike, if he didn't use the money that was set aside for gifts on a gift card.. which I do like. I can use the clothes...If the bike is on clearance tomorrow.. I might have enough $$$ to get it... |
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luvmythree
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 223,222
September 2005
Posts: 2,704
Layouts: 47
Loc: Kansas
| Posted: 12/25/2012 5:54:50 PM
Hell I'd trade my beer for the $30 GC anyday |
Kirsten mom to~
Alexandria 20
Ethan 10
Owen 8 CFC syndrome,cp 29.5 wk preemie
Expecting my first grandbaby May 2013!
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back to *pea*ality
PeaFixture
PeaNut 471,633
June 2010
Posts: 3,702
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 12/25/2012 5:59:08 PM
Sorry for the peas that are hurting today. You deserve to be loved and cared for. Tell that to your husband/significant other. Give them the chance, if they are not willing to do the things that make you feel their love then it's time to do a life review. I would suspect its just not about this one day.
For those that don't care and find that your husband/significant other does things that make you feel loved and cared for that doesn't include gift giving for important occasions that is great! But we are all different and have different needs.
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Sunshine36616
God peas protect me from your followers
PeaNut 180,214
December 2004
Posts: 30,605
Layouts: 204
Loc: stalking the crease
| Posted: 12/25/2012 6:01:28 PM
No, not anymore anyway. My DH is an awesome gift giver. |
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mom2cameron
AncestralPea
PeaNut 150,880
June 2004
Posts: 4,569
Layouts: 1
Loc: On a softball field somewhere.
| Posted: 12/25/2012 6:02:11 PM
I have Scrooge for a husband too. No gifts. |
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PhotoHorse
PeaFixture
PeaNut 66,309
February 2003
Posts: 3,092
Layouts: 13
Loc: Central Iowa
| Posted: 12/25/2012 6:23:34 PM
My long story:
For years it has been my job alone to get ready for Christmas. The other three are very poorly trained and disappear so I don't call them in to service.
This year I started early saying how we all needed to clean Saturday morning before we left for the in-law's house because on Monday I'd be rushed getting ready for my own side of the family to arrive here.
So on Friday night, dh says that he and ds would be gone from about 9 to 12 on some Christmas errand Saturday morning. And we were to leave at 2:00. That night we got into a large argument because he didn't want to get up early on Saturday morning to help me before he left.....so he'd sleep until it was just before 9...they'd get home at around 12, eat lunch and pack and that would leave them about an hour to help me. And I am in the shower and packing my own bags during that last hour.
Did I just want him to tell me what I was getting? He was just trying to do the right thing by getting my present there in time for Christmas? (Some yelling and fist waving in between those sentences, too....)
Saturday morning he and ds left as planned, then came home by 9:30 saying the roads were terrible, then he mentions several times I wouldn't have anything to unwrap on Christmas. And then this morning, I unwrap two things from the kids and nothing from him. He buys the presents they 'give' (last year for that, but that's another story), so he really did give me something, but the mystery gift is not here.
So, I got help like I wanted, but I had to 'pay' by not getting my present on time. | |
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gale w
shiny farmwife
PeaNut 40,275
June 2002
Posts: 21,334
Layouts: 52
Loc: Indiana
| Posted: 12/25/2012 6:30:04 PM
I got nothing from DH or my adult son. I am visiting the daughter to spend time with the grand children and only got a crummy $30 gift card for books. Bah Hum Bug This Christmas stuff sucks. I'm done trying to be nice and trying to make everyone happy when NOBODY make any effort to make me happy.
 Apparently someone did, or did you buy yourself the gift card? Maybe it's just me but I'd be thrilled to get a $30 gc from anyone.
OP I'm sorry-that stinks. DH used to be like this for other occasions, even while making sure I made or bought a nice card and gift for his mom for mother's day, birthday, etc. Finally I just told him straight up that it hurt my feelings when he worked so hard to make sure his mom had a nice mother's day when I didn't get so much as a card (this was when our kids were small). Now he gets me a gift every time, even if it's something I tell him specifically that I want. Sometimes I think men need to be told point-blank what you want. |
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peachpea
PeaAddict
PeaNut 308,857
April 2007
Posts: 1,427
Layouts: 0
Loc: Louisiana
| Posted: 12/25/2012 6:34:22 PM
I certainly hope there isn't another woman here with a Scrooge for husband, my husband didn't give me anything not even a card. Merry Christmas to all..
That would be me. DH and grown single son never buy gifts. DD loves to shop, so if it weren't for her I'd have had zero to open. She's getting married this spring, so that might stop next year and I'll totally get nothing. For the first time ever I didn't get DH anything on purpose to,show him how it feels, until he mentioned we needed a new pastry brush for icing cookies. I broke down and bought one Sunday afternoon or he would have had nothing from me for the first time in 36 years. Sad thing is that he wouldn't have cared had he got nothing from me or DD. I've tried begging and telling him how he hurts my feelings each year. Doesn't work. His saving grace is he does 99 percent of the grocery shopping, cooks more than I do, mops, does laundry, works full-time, and does windows. So I convince myself that's his gift year round, but good perfume besides Shania Twain brand would be good--that's the last gift I got 2-3 years ago. Normally he gets me a poinsettia for my December birthday but nada this year......can you tell I'm a bit hurt? So OP, I feel your pain. You're not alone. | |
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peaname
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 510,579
June 2011
Posts: 2,454
Layouts: 0
Loc: The Land of Steady Habits
| Posted: 12/25/2012 6:42:01 PM
A friend at my church was telling me that her husband didn't get her a Christmas gift one year and she read him the riot act, not because she didn't get a gift, but because he was modeling the wrong way to treat women to their teenaged sons. She has received great gifts for all the holidays since! |
| "People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character." - Ralph Waldo Emerson | |
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pretzels
AncestralPea
PeaNut 479,777
August 2010
Posts: 4,434
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 12/25/2012 6:42:02 PM
Mine is a Scrooge. I didn't get anything, but we agreed that since I just got a new car and he got the Surface tablet, that we wouldn't get each other anything. He's a Scrooge because he seems to resent every single bit of preparation/events relating to Christmas. That is not the man I married almost 18 years ago. |
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