Can I return the gift my 4-year-old gave me, or does that make me a jerk?
Post ReplyPost New TopicPosted 12/25/2012 by Belia in NSBR Board
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Belia
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Posted: 12/25/2012 9:15:51 PM
He gave me one of these from Target. advent calendar It's kind of beat up and some of the sticks are missing from the top. But most importantly, I HATE these types of calendars. The thought of trying to find 25 teeny tiny pieces of crippy-crap to fill in each door every year- ugh.

The only reason I'm even considering it is because I'm thinking that it will be packed away for a year and there's an excellent chance DS will forget all about it. So why hang onto something I don't like at all if DS won't even notice? I mean, if this were something out all year there's no way I'd risk it.

What do you think? Am I the biggest a-hole ever for even considering this? Give it to me straight.

auntiedee
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Posted: 12/25/2012 9:17:37 PM
Return.


Dee

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Posted: 12/25/2012 9:19:44 PM
I would NOT return it. Fill each box with candy kisses next year and be done with it.

The Elf on a Shelf is NOT my thing. At all. BUT, my 7 YO loves it so I continue doing it every year.


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Sharna_G
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Posted: 12/25/2012 9:20:51 PM
My 4 year old would never remember.


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myshelly
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Posted: 12/25/2012 9:21:02 PM
I think with seasonal merchandise a target you only get the clearance price if you take it back after the holiday, even if you have a receipt or gift receipt, so I'm not sure if it would be worth it to take it back.

Who took the 4 yr old gift shopping? Time for a WTH talk with that person



marianne
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Posted: 12/25/2012 9:21:08 PM

...or does that make me a jerk?
Yes. That's all... just yes, it does.


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CountryHam
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Posted: 12/25/2012 9:23:25 PM
Yes you are.
You have a chance to gush over this every year with him.
Make it a part of your tradition.

secretagent
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Posted: 12/25/2012 9:24:39 PM
I wouldn't return it. I understand you don't like to find the little goodies to put inside and it is beat up but it could grow into something your son looks forward to every year.

You could find a few small branches and make your own sticks for the top, then beat it up some more to "antique" it. For the inside you could use some small ornaments and candy or a few small toys.

myshelly
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Posted: 12/25/2012 9:26:39 PM
What are you going to do if he *does* remember?

(Because my oldest DS remembers EVERYTHING, it's actually a little scary)



busypea
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Posted: 12/25/2012 9:34:42 PM
My 4 year old absolutely would remember. No way would I do it.

He picked out a necklace for me that's beautiful but not my style. My DH tried to steer him in a different direction, but he had his heart set on this one. I will keep it and wear it and love it because that sweet boy saw something beautiful that he thought was perfect for his mama.

*KAS*
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Posted: 12/25/2012 9:39:05 PM
I would keep it. 20 years from now you'll love it because it was from your 4 year old son, even if you don't like it.

Just my 2 cents!


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irishscrappermom8
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Posted: 12/25/2012 9:39:37 PM
He's 4 and he will remember if he's like all the 4 yo I know.

In the scheme of things what's the harm in keeping it? It will make your child happy. It probably didn't cost too much so what really are you going to exchange it for?

I got a plush gall bladder from my DD for Christmas today and I wouldn't return it or say anything and she's a teenager. She was so excited about it.

Suck it up, it's part of being a mom.




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Susie Pea
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Posted: 12/25/2012 9:40:53 PM
There is no way I would return it. No way.

SuzastampinCTMH
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Posted: 12/25/2012 9:42:13 PM
I'd keep it and use it. He may have chosen it because he wanted to have one. You can fill each door with a piece of candy, whether Hershey Kisses, peanut butter cups, etc. I understand it not being your style, but don't forget, once he hits school he'll be bringing home ornaments and other little goodies that may not be your style. We keep and display those items because they are important to our kids and we love them. There will be plenty of years after the kids are grown to decorate in your style



Ihaveonly1L
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Posted: 12/25/2012 9:42:37 PM
My grandma hung the gift I bought her when i was 6 every year until the year she died. I loved it and it was sort of a funny family thing that started because of luck. I now hang that ugly Christmas picture in my house because I took it back the year after she died. My mother admitted to me that grandma thought it was the strangest thing to pick, but she knew I thought it was important. Keep it, write the year on the back and drag it put every year- give it back to him on his first Christmas in his own house.


Michele

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Posted: 12/25/2012 9:43:19 PM
I'm just going to vote to keep it. And use it. And talk with your son every year about how thoughtful it ws for him to pick out such a nice gift for you.

I would never even consider returning it.


-Angela

elaine226
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Posted: 12/25/2012 9:44:16 PM
I still have every "gift" my children have given me. One day when your 4 yr old is grown, you will realize how special that beat up calendar really is. Keep it and treasure it--
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Posted: 12/25/2012 9:45:23 PM
I would not return a gift given to me by my 4 year old child. I would treasure it and use it every year. Both my children would have remembered and so would my grands.


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SuPeaNatural
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Posted: 12/25/2012 9:45:28 PM
While I can understand how you feel, I wouldn't return it simply because my child gave it to me and probably picked it out himself. And by the time you factor in the cost of petrol, your time and the hassle of returning it, it probably wouldn't be worth the trip, especially if you only get the clearance price in refund.

Can you alter it into something your son can play with? Make a match up game by putting stickers inside each window - have 2 each of 12 different stickers and put them randomly so he has to remember which image is behind which number and match the pairs. Great for his copunting and memory skills. The large 25 number can hold a photo of him and you together.

If some of the sticks are missing, take them all off and repaint that part. Then ask\tell whoever shopped with him to please not buy another one.



SweetPeasMom
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Posted: 12/25/2012 9:47:58 PM
I'd keep it. I will admit I get things from my kids that I might not have gotten normally or are the best looking things, but I still keep it. My ds (10) gave me some earrings a few years ago. I have very sensitive ears and they make my ears itch. But I keep them.


Wendy



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Posted: 12/25/2012 9:48:41 PM
Fill it with love notes!

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Posted: 12/25/2012 9:50:51 PM

I think with seasonal merchandise a target you only get the clearance price if you take it back after the holiday, even if you have a receipt or gift receipt, so I'm not sure if it would be worth it to take it back.

Family member who works there says that shouldn't be the case--and if it was, there would have been a "return by" date BEFORE Christmas on the receipt. (They did that with Halloween costumes this year--the "return by" date was under that item on the receipt. They also do this with electronics items that have a 30-day return policy)

That said...

Keep it and create memories! It can be as simple as using a bag of Hershey's kisses or Tootsie rolls. OR...write 25 special little things to do during the Christmas season on slips of paper and put them in the boxes. (Read a Christmas book, look at lights, watch a Christmas movie, bake cookies...)

My 26 year-old dd STILL likes me to fill ours!



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Posted: 12/25/2012 9:51:18 PM
Yes, it does make you a jerk. Your baby picked that out all by his little self....and WTH stands in line to return a calender anyway?

Put it away, next year if he doesn't remember it, you can leave it in the Christmas box until you feel like throwing it away, but if he does remember it, you'll have it to pull out. This is about your child, not about YOU!

PEArfect
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Posted: 12/25/2012 9:52:55 PM
I would keep it. Maybe you can alter it somehow with your 4yo to make it more your style. I agree that one of these days it might be a treasured Christmas decoration.


Jen


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Posted: 12/25/2012 9:54:22 PM
I went to my father's house yesterday and saw a little picture I had given him when I was about 8 years old. He still has it hanging in his house. It's the dumbest thing with a running snoopy and he has a house that has had the professional decorator treatment, but there is the silly little gift from his once 8 year old daughter.

Keep the calender. You'll regret taking it back and I think you know that.


Tina


Belia
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Posted: 12/25/2012 9:55:44 PM
You're right. I'll keep it! It's not a big deal in the scheme of things. It's just been a lean year $$$-wise and I love, love, love presents (I haven't read the book, but I would bet that gifts are my love language) and the rest of my presents were a little disappointing, KWIM?

But of course, you're right, and it will make a great keepsake.

Thanks for knocking some sense into me, peas!

revirdsuba
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Posted: 12/25/2012 9:57:35 PM
My DS and middle DGS would remember. The other 2 DGSs probably would not, but surely not worth the risk of returning it. As a previous poster stated, candy kisses will do for fillers. Over the years as it gets more worn, you might suggest painting to match your decor better.

Tanya2
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Posted: 12/25/2012 9:58:23 PM
yup definitely keep it & use it. buy a bag of candies to stick in it next year & let him open one every day. It takes no time & effort at all, and if he's anything like my kids he will most definitely remember next christmas. and even if he doesn't, it will make him feel extra special that you thought it was important enough to keep & use.




mamato1
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Posted: 12/25/2012 9:58:29 PM
My oldest two would remember. And, yes, returning a reasonably inexpensive gift from your own small child for make you look like a jerk.



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Posted: 12/25/2012 9:59:03 PM
Keep it.

If you really don't want to fill it with candy/treats each year take the time now to put a little picture, note or photo of family members or special family traditions in each opening. Open, say how 'sweet' or 'fun' that person/event is. Move on.
Take it out each yr ready to use.

...Says the woman who will be wearing a BEAUTIFUL beaded alligator ring (gift from my dd from school Secret Santa shop) in the near very future!

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Posted: 12/25/2012 9:59:40 PM
While you are there returning the calendar, go ahead and return your mommy card, too. I teach four year olds, so this post really upsets me. I know what their gifts mean to them. Returning his precious gift (that he probably hears his friends talk about as being a fun thing to do, because believe me I hear about Advent calendars all December long) and then hoping he will forget about it? Who does that?

Keep it. Use it. Get excited for your son. I was given two handmade macaroni necklaces from students this year. I will wear them proudly until the end of the school year, as it makes the kids SO happy and proud to see me do so.




Ca-Woman
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Posted: 12/25/2012 10:01:08 PM
I know u are keeping it and to re-enforce your decision....my 39 year old saw something last night she had given me when she was little and was still so happy I have it.


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SMayer
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Posted: 12/25/2012 10:03:44 PM

What do you think? Am I the biggest a-hole ever for even considering this? Give it to me straight.


YES!

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Posted: 12/25/2012 10:05:26 PM

My grandma hung the gift I bought her when i was 6 every year until the year she died. I loved it and it was sort of a funny family thing that started because of luck. I now hang that ugly Christmas picture in my house because I took it back the year after she died. My mother admitted to me that grandma thought it was the strangest thing to pick, but she knew I thought it was important.


Very sweet.


-Monica


manomo
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Posted: 12/25/2012 10:08:16 PM
You keep it because your little one thought it wonderful enough to give it to his mama. Maybe when he's 16, you all laugh about it but you will have taught him that it's the thought that counts, not the gift itself.

theshyone
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Posted: 12/25/2012 10:22:28 PM
this is what YOU should do; tell your sweet little four year old that he is a horrible gift giver; that you can't stand it; WTH was he thinking buying it in the first place, then take him with you to stand in line while you return it.

Can't get much jerker than that.

Did you really need to ask?


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Posted: 12/25/2012 10:37:42 PM
YUP. A-hole.



gmcwife1
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Posted: 12/25/2012 10:42:55 PM
I'm glad you have decided to keep it.


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Posted: 12/25/2012 10:43:48 PM
I don't mean this in a bitchy way at all but that is kind of a crappy attitude to have, it may seem stupid to you but YOUR child picked it out especially for you. Honestly it really makes me sad.


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Susie Pea
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Posted: 12/25/2012 10:51:15 PM

You're right. I'll keep it! It's not a big deal in the scheme of things. It's just been a lean year $$$-wise and I love, love, love presents (I haven't read the book, but I would bet that gifts are my love language) and the rest of my presents were a little disappointing, KWIM?

But of course, you're right, and it will make a great keepsake.

Thanks for knocking some sense into me, peas!

I'm sorry that your gifts were disappointing. I bet that this little gift will be one that you will treasure.


camanddanismom
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Posted: 12/25/2012 10:59:17 PM
Okay, I'll keep this constructive because others have covered the bashing...I'll just reiterate that as mom of young kids, I would never consider doing something like that!!! We started doing an advent calendar early on. It has morphed from paper to the cubby hole type. I bought a small as tree to put next to it and miniature ornaments. My kids take turns opening it each night and get a thrill hanging ornaments on the tree. Sometimes I'll slip in a piece of candy for each of them as well. This year, instead of the ornaments, I did treats, small gifts and notes. They had so much fun! A note that says "a kiss from mommy" or "stay up 10 extra minutes tonight". Why wouldn't you want your child to experience this???


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**Angie**
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Posted: 12/25/2012 11:02:42 PM
Keep it and put it in his room next year. My 9 year old remembers the wrapping paper that Santa used four years ago, I can only imagine what else he remembers...lol





redboots
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Posted: 12/25/2012 11:03:02 PM
I wouldn't stand for one of my children to display such an entitled, bratty attitude, and I'm shocked at a supposedly grown woman exhibiting this behavior.

Your 'love language' is gifts? You hate the gift your 4 year old picked?

Sweet cheebus, lady. Get some freaking perspective and grow up already.
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alittleintrepid
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Posted: 12/25/2012 11:06:06 PM

You're right. I'll keep it! It's not a big deal in the scheme of things. It's just been a lean year $$$-wise and I love, love, love presents (I haven't read the book, but I would bet that gifts are my love language) and the rest of my presents were a little disappointing, KWIM?


All the more reason to keep it and create a beatiful tradition out of it. Then, when you son is grown, you can tell him about the lean year and how he gave you this gift that you didn't understand at the time but, has created a wonderful Christmas memory year after year!!

Belia
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Posted: 12/25/2012 11:12:11 PM
OP here.

Wow. Ok. Sorry- I was just having a human moment there. I'm a little taken aback by the vehemence of some of the responses. FTR, I was very effusive when I opened the gift from my little guy and I would never, ever, ever purposely hurt his feelings by saying anything to him, or bringing him with me to the store, etc etc etc. I guess I was just looking at this from a purely practical standpoint, and didn't consider anything sentimental.

Like I said, I was just having a moment this afternoon. If that makes me a bad person, well, so be it. I'm not perfect, and I'm certainly not the perfect mom. I'll own that. But I'm also not the devil, and DS and DH know that as well, which is what matters to me.

Anyway. Carry on!

Belia
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Posted: 12/25/2012 11:15:52 PM

I think that too qualifies you for jack ass of the year.


Come on, kelleyo... really? In a world with the Kardashians, and Lindsay Lohan, and Justin Bieber wearing overalls to meet the PM of Canada, I'm Jackass of the YEAR???

I mean, okay, I'm a jackass, but of the YEAR??? Ish!!!




Please know that I am joking around here... I am just trying to inject some levity to my own pile-on!

Beriuqam
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Posted: 12/25/2012 11:26:15 PM
Another option to filling it is to just put something (a wood heart, for ex.)
in day one. Then he just moves that from day to day.

BuckeyeSandy
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Posted: 12/25/2012 11:29:29 PM
Don't bet on your child "forgetting". My brother (age 48) is still resentful of our deceased grandfather because he (in the spur of the moment) "promised" him the old non-operational Packard that was in the old garage, back when he was 4.

To my brother, that promise was "everything" to our grandfather, and most of the family, it was never expected to be acted upon.

Grandfather had a history of doing stuff like that. He usually "meant it" at the time, but quickly forgot such things.

Keep it, modify WITH your child if you want, pass it on to your child when all grown up.

ETA thank-you for deciding to keep it.




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Posted: 12/25/2012 11:37:24 PM
Keep it and fill it year after year and enjoy it with your son.

My dd picked out a mom and daughter necklaces that fit together like a best friend heart. It's cheap, but she saw it with grandma when they were buying ornaments And wanted to get it for me. I have been wearing it proudly since I opened and she is wearing her half. She picked it out and it's important to her and so it's important to me.

Embrace your son and his gift and make it special year after year - that's something you will never regret.


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Skybar
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Posted: 12/25/2012 11:44:22 PM
good for you! It will be a treasure in your future.

my 2 youngest gbabies (3 and 5) made me
'Christmas cards'. they're drawings they did on plain paper. With their own little fingers - for granny. They are the only decorations I put up this yr. Somewhere I have frames I can put them in and they'll go up ever yr in my future.
For now they're taped to my wall where I can see them everyday. I took a pic of them on the wall and will email it to my son so he can show the boys that granny got them, loves them and looks at them every day.

Actually, I think they'll stay up yr around.




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