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Kluski
AncestralPea
PeaNut 39,382
May 2002
Posts: 4,193
Layouts: 10
Loc: mid-atlantic region
 |  Posted: 1/22/2013 7:20:46 PM
Including an idea/suggestion board on Pinterest? Seeking locations and food suggestions...
Am I already considered old school in my 40's? |
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myshelly
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 471,001
June 2010
Posts: 7,383
Layouts: 0
 | Posted: 1/22/2013 7:26:48 PM
I can't fathom planning a shower without any input from the mom to be. Do people really do that? Why?
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Peabay
Happy now?
PeaNut 156,993
July 2004
Posts: 44,628
Layouts: 13
Loc: Connecticut
 | Posted: 1/22/2013 7:29:34 PM
I think we're a bunch of old farts. I think it used to be that way - that having the mom to be involved meant she was soliciting gifts for herself, rather than have friends (never her relatives) "showering" her with gifts.
Now, people plan their own; families run them and registry information is included right on the invitation. It's just where the world has gone and we have to run to catch up with it. |
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Miss Lerins Momma
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 151,660
June 2004
Posts: 13,082
Layouts: 38
Loc: KY
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melanell
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 26,836
January 2002
Posts: 14,445
Layouts: 86
 | Posted: 1/22/2013 7:43:12 PM
I didn't help with mine at all. But I felt bad about it, LOL!
I felt like if there was a party all about me, the least I could do was help. I'm bad at sitting back and letting other people do all of the work.  |
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melanell
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 26,836
January 2002
Posts: 14,445
Layouts: 86
| Posted: 1/22/2013 7:47:08 PM
Sorry, I failed to answer the question.
I think it's okay in some ways. Ideas, suggestions, help given to the people actually hosting it? If they're okay with it, then I think it's okay.
When I throw a party for someone, I like to have their input. I want to know if there is anything cute or cool they have seen and liked.
I want to know if they went to a shower at Teacups Tea Room or Breezy Beach Country Club and absolutely loved it.
I want to know if they always imagined doing some sort of sentimental craft at a baby shower for their own baby someday.
And I might not know any of those things if the mom-to-be didn't make comments or suggestions to someone involved at some point, kwim?
If a mom-to-be can create a registry of suggested gifts, then why not a Pinterest Board of ideas she likes for the event itself, kwim?
As long as she isn't all Mom-zilla about it, of course.  |
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TXDancermom
PeaFixture
PeaNut 146,748
May 2004
Posts: 3,651
Layouts: 1
 | Posted: 1/22/2013 8:00:05 PM
Both of my baby showers were surprises - and that was a lot of fun! The work one, they "called" a last minute meeting - I walked in and everyone was there waiting. the other one, I thought I was going to a shower for a friend who was also pg, she thought she was going to a shower for me, and to both our surprises it was a shower for both of us.
I can see asking the mom for people she wants to invite and if a date is good, but she should leave the planning to the people who are hosting the party.
jmho | |
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gorgeouskid
You gots to access your uncrazy side.
PeaNut 83,119
April 2003
Posts: 9,730
Layouts: 10
| Posted: 1/22/2013 8:00:38 PM
Help plan? Not tacky... My party-thrower asked me about guests, menu, games, etc. I gave my suggestions; she threw a great party. (FWIW, I had less than 10 people at my shower...) I was grateful for anything, really.
Tell what to do? Yeah, not so much. | |
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aprilfay21
Mommy to Maximus!
PeaNut 270,034
July 2006
Posts: 12,272
Layouts: 98
Loc: Houston
 | Posted: 1/22/2013 8:20:19 PM
My best friend threw my shower but I picked out and purchased all the decorations because the ones I wanted weren't super cheap and I would have never asked her to pay for them. |
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tamhugh
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 12,875
March 2001
Posts: 7,882
Layouts: 11
 | Posted: 1/22/2013 8:45:12 PM
I think having a Pinterest board of things you like is a good idea. Then the shower hostess can look at it and get ideas for themes, decorations, etc. But not all hostesses are going to really care. | |
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redboots
BucketHead
PeaNut 399,301
November 2008
Posts: 908
Layouts: 0
 | Posted: 1/22/2013 8:53:54 PM
I've asked the mom to be for input on all the baby showers I've hosted. I let them be as involved as they wanted to be.
One was very involved, but most preferred to be surprised.
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busypea
boring + nerdy
PeaNut 52,817
October 2002
Posts: 25,146
Layouts: 145
Loc: Oregon
| Posted: 1/22/2013 8:55:36 PM
I agree with Peabay.
I wasn't involved at all with planning any of my baby or bridal showers (other than providing some names/addresses of those to invite at the request of the hostesses) but that was definitely not the norm. I was raised by a very proper mother who took etiquette very seriously. Those strict rules are generally what I'm used to. There's nothing wrong with that, but it's also not the end of the world that things are different for many people now.
Our lives have changed dramatically, especially due to the advent of technology, since the days of Emily Post. It's OK if etiquette evolves with the other changes in the world. | |
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Kluski
AncestralPea
PeaNut 39,382
May 2002
Posts: 4,193
Layouts: 10
Loc: mid-atlantic region
| Posted: 1/22/2013 9:24:41 PM
Ughhh...I am getting OLD!! Thanks for keeping me with the times.  |
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AntJackie
BucketHead
PeaNut 209,453
June 2005
Posts: 756
Layouts: 0
Loc: Illinois
 | Posted: 1/22/2013 9:57:35 PM
I helped my mom plan my brother's wedding and baby showers and each time I looked at her and said..."in the future when it's my turn, I'm ok with it being a surprise" I'm pretty sure it will turn into...but I need your help writing the invites and finding a nice place kind of thing. | |
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cycworker
On dry runs Santa drives the Isuzu
PeaNut 159,331
July 2004
Posts: 9,384
Layouts: 0
Loc: Vancouver Island, BC, Canada
| Posted: 1/22/2013 11:06:01 PM
I think there is value in getting input from the guest of honour. It depends on the person. I have a friend who just had a baby in Dec. and we threw her a shower on Jan 12th (we tend to do them post-birth). She picked the date, let us know some people she wanted to ensure we invited personally (it was a church shower, so the whole congregation was invited, but not everyone reads those announcements), and just let us know of certain theme-y stuff she liked and disliked. |
-Tania... but people who like me call me `Tang`
The secret of a good life is to have the right loyalties and hold them in the right scale of values.
Norman Thomas
US socialist politician (1884 - 1968)
Human and civil rights should NEVER be subject to the tyranny of the majority. Minorities gain legal equality only when those in power come to understand that their unearned privilege is wrong, and enforce change upon society. - ProfessorZed | |
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Grom Pea
PeaAddict
PeaNut 317,501
May 2007
Posts: 1,835
Layouts: 24
 | Posted: 1/22/2013 11:22:15 PM
Imho that's not tacky, but my shower was at my house, a good friend threw it but I said we could just do tea at my house to keep costs low. I wasn't going to do anything, but then she asked me to bake scones, which was no big deal because I love to bake. I also made macarons. The part where I may have gone to far was when my mil kept saying what is happening, etc and you should have onesies to decorate, etc, and I second guessed my friend, who is the busiest lady I know, and just hasn't had the time to brief me on what time she was coming etc. I ended up fessing up that I bought onesies and she told me she was going to do it too so she was glad I told her. I should have just let her do her thing because she had never given me a reason to doubt her, but I think it was others asking me that made me wonder. But unless the mom to be is making demands, I really see no harm in a wish list on pinterest, I also really wanted macarons, which are my specialty, so I just did it, no reason for my friend to shell out big bucks for something I could easily whip up. Maybe that's why mom to be is trying to help, it is hard to sit back and think people are spending their hard earned money on you, when you can help with all sorts of things. I'm lucky my friend and I get each other that way  |
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TinCin
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 29,331
February 2002
Posts: 6,212
Layouts: 0
Loc: Living in the palm of the hand.
| Posted: 1/23/2013 12:26:39 AM
I am currently planning my niece's baby shower. I created a secret Pinterest board and invited her to look at it and comment on the stuff she liked and did not like. I found several themes, she picked her favorite. It is a shower for her friends and his family who live in her area. So she will be providing all the guest list info. I am enjoying working with her but quite a bit of it I am keeping as a surprise. |
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OSUBuckeyeFan
When does football season start?
PeaNut 182,623
December 2004
Posts: 6,436
Layouts: 0
Loc: USA
| Posted: 1/23/2013 12:55:36 AM
My SIL will be having her first baby in May. It's the first grandchild on her side of the family and the 5th on our side. Well, her mother doesn't believe in baby showers so no one from her family will throw her one so therefore the onus is on me, my mother and sister to plan her baby shower.
I don't want to invite her mother and sister because hey, if they don't believe in something, why would they come? My mother says we must invite them as it'll open up a shitstorm if we dont
I picked the date...the 2nd Sunday in April because MY son's birthday is in April and I need to plan his birthday party the following weekend since I didn't get to have one for him last year as I had to have my kidney removed ON his birthday. We'll be having it in the social hall of my Mom's church. It's big enough. My own baby shower was the first event held in it back in 2004. |
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I-95
It's all just nonsense anyway!
PeaNut 97,456
July 2003
Posts: 19,517
Layouts: 0
Loc: California, NY & Orlando
| Posted: 1/23/2013 2:24:32 AM
I did, but it would have been hard not to, it was at my house. My friends threw the shower, but my house was more suited to entertaining and accommodating the number of people invited. It worked out nicely and nobody thought it was weird, or tacky.... or, if they did they were polite enough to keep those thoughts to themselves. | |
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ScrapWench*
Seems a pity to miss such a good pudding.
PeaNut 247,139
February 2006
Posts: 18,699
Layouts: 0
Loc: Spokane, WA
| Posted: 1/23/2013 2:57:27 AM
<---old fart.
Input from the MTB is different from MTB planning her own paty. I was invited to a shower thrown by the mom for herself for her 3rd baby. Included was the "suggested" amount that I should pay for the stroller she wanted. I was totally blown away. I sent my regrets but did sent the baby a gift after he was born. Now that wole deal was so tacky, I was shocked.
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I-95
It's all just nonsense anyway!
PeaNut 97,456
July 2003
Posts: 19,517
Layouts: 0
Loc: California, NY & Orlando
| Posted: 1/23/2013 5:24:55 AM
I was invited to a shower thrown by the mom for herself for her 3rd baby. Included was the "suggested" amount that I should pay for the stroller she wanted.
Now that's tacky!! | |
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GrinningCat
Proudly Canadian
PeaNut 43,061
July 2002
Posts: 31,517
Layouts: 2
| Posted: 1/23/2013 6:13:55 AM
I doubt I will ever have one, but if I do, I fully expect to cover most of the costs for the event and to have some minimal input (mostly about the date). I went through the hell of planning a baby shower for a friend and the expenses are ridiculous. I will not let that happen again. It's really unacceptable to force friends and family to spend that much money on a shower. Not that we were forced, it was all our first shower, so it was an eye opener.
I don't think it's tacky, I think it's practical. And the shower of today was never the shower that my sister and her friends remember. Now they are out of control money traps.
Honestly, I'm not sure I'd want a party that I had no input in. I might, but not sure. | |
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LollaPEAlooza
PeaAddict
PeaNut 43,535
July 2002
Posts: 1,307
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 1/23/2013 6:57:51 AM
Sorry to be off-subject, but aprilfay21, your baby is so darling!!! | |
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divinghkns
PeaAddict
PeaNut 78,823
March 2003
Posts: 1,747
Layouts: 159
Loc: in front of my computer
| Posted: 1/23/2013 8:51:40 AM
I have planned several baby showers, I usually ask the mom-to-be if she has any ideas for the shower (specific foods or games she wants, specific theme or color scheme). However, if I hadn't asked for their input I might have found it a rude/presumptuous if they had approached me and said "here is exactly what I want".
In one situation, when I asked the mom-to-be she said she wanted to do an airplane theme because her DH is an AF pilot. She had already purchased some planes for the nursery and offered them up for using as table decorations at the shower, if I wanted. Which I thought was really sweet...her trying to save me some time/money. So there is some advantage to it. Having said that, once she gave me the guest list & a list of dates that worked for her, she stayed out of it. I picked the theme, the colors, the location, bought the decorations, made the food, decorations and shower favors/gifts, picked the games, etc. I did ask her for input on food only because she had that hyperemsis gravardum (sp???) thing that Kate Middleton has and was easily nauseated, so I wanted to know if there was anything she could eat without promptly ralphing, which would ruin her day.
In short, I feel like a shower is a gift of sorts...you wouldn't call up a friend and say, "I pinned the sweater I want for my birthday so you can go buy it for me." So why would you tell them what you expect for a shower if it's not solicited. The key to this for me is how it's approached. If the person throwing the party asked the mom-to-be and the mom-to-be gave some feedback, that's OK. If the mom-to-be demanded it without being asked first, that's not OK. And if the mom-to-be throws a fit because it doesn't come out as she had hoped, that's not OK.
I'm curious, are you sure the pin board was the for the mom-to-be, by the mom-to-be? The reason I ask is that many of my friends are in baby mode right now, so I have a "baby shower" board where I've been hoarding my ideas for when other people have babies. But I suppose if you didn't know that you might assume I was planning my own shower, which I'm not.
If the pinboard in question really was done by the mom-to-be for her own party, that to me might be questionable depending on the situation. On the one hand, perhaps the hostess requested that or finds it helpful. On the other hand, maybe the mom-to-be is overly involved. There's a difference between saying "since you asking for ideas, I was thinking the baby's nursery is going to be green with jungle animals, maybe that could be the shower theme?" and saying "I need these exact things on this pinboard".
So to me it's really all about the relationship between the mom-to-be and the hostess(es) and how all this went down. I don't know enough about that from what you posted to decide if it's rude or crossing a line.
But in general, I would say it's okay for the mom to give loose feedback when asked as long as it's not super demanding or unsolicited.
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purpledaisy
Calm
PeaNut 116,261
November 2003
Posts: 25,154
Layouts: 102
| Posted: 1/23/2013 9:10:07 AM
Yes, I consider it extremely tacky. I've had someone try to do that to me! |
Becca
May we be consumed with the Creator of all things rather than with things created.
6 rings - no cheating! Go STEELERS!
Holding a grudge is letting someone live rent-free in your head. | |
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SBates82
PeaWee
PeaNut 541,999
February 2012
Posts: 5
Layouts: 0
 | Posted: 1/23/2013 9:12:39 AM
I imagine when the time comes for me one day, I will probably want to create my own decorations. I enjoy doing that and I'm sure my sister/mom/mother-in-law won't mind. At least I hope they won't lol. | |
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melanell
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 26,836
January 2002
Posts: 14,445
Layouts: 86
| Posted: 1/23/2013 11:25:38 AM
Let's put it this way, if I was hosting a shower, and the mom-to-be said "I love paper crafting and I saw the cutest ideas for favors & cards....do you mind if I make the ones for the party?"
I'd be "Oh hell yes, be my guest" all over the place. Less tedious work for me=good thing.
But, if mom to be said "These cards are adorable! You could totally make these for the party right?", I'd say "Look, chickie, I already have 2 kids to chase around.....it's purchased invitations or no invitations, take your pick.".  
It's all in the way that they try to help. |
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Epeanymous
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 15,108
May 2001
Posts: 2,151
Layouts: 1
| Posted: 1/23/2013 12:01:12 PM
I am 40, so if you are an old fogey, I am right there with you.
Throw tomatoes at me, but between the mommy blogging, the scrapbooking layouts, and the Pinterest boards, I just think that women get a Pretty Pretty Princess idea of what they want their perfect shower to look like and don't want to leave things up to the chance that some person who is not them will design something that doesn't fit the image they have. I don't really think it is about saving the hosts work.
But I do agree with pps that so much has changed with respect to wedding and baby shower etiquette since I was in my 20s that I just go with the flow and don't worry about it unless someone is asking me to pay money.
ETA:
you wouldn't call up a friend and say "I pinned the sweater I want so you can go buy it for me"
Didn't you see the 10,000 threads around Christmastime that said pretty much exactly that this was what they wanted people to do? (I paraphrase) (oh, and I have been as guilty as anyone of being critical of gifts I have been given, so I am not being as critical as I sound  ). | |
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julieberg
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 160,179
July 2004
Posts: 6,441
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 1/23/2013 12:37:06 PM
nput from the MTB is different from MTB planning her own paty. I was invited to a shower thrown by the mom for herself for her 3rd baby. Included was the "suggested" amount that I should pay for the stroller she wanted. I was totally blown away. I sent my regrets but did sent the baby a gift after he was born. Now that wole deal was so tacky, I was shocked.
Wow - that is tacky and I would have declined also.
I'm an old foggy fart also. I worked at an invitation store and was always surprised when a bride-to-be or mom-to-be would come in to pick out their own invitations. I think if someone is throwing you a shower you should accept everything without question. I've helped several of my friends and sil's with their dd's wedding shower & baby shower invitations and none of them have ever asked their daughter for their input. | |
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Carey Ayn
why
PeaNut 41,258
June 2002
Posts: 17,548
Layouts: 321
Loc: Minnesota
| Posted: 1/23/2013 12:45:06 PM
Planning---kind of tacky
Having input---normal
Trying to run things and tell people what they need to do is pretty rude and falls into tackyland. Offering up suggestions, particularly when asked (and I think it is nice to ask), is a different thing.
My family baby shower was at my house since I was on bedrest. I did have some input because, well, it was at my house. I basically told them I wanted it low key---no big goofy games or decorations and food I could eat (I had GD). The rest was up to them! |
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scrapmaven
PEA-T-A-Mom's kitteh is a fraidy cat.
PeaNut 90,665
June 2003
Posts: 15,727
Layouts: 0
Loc: Wherever my little mind takes me
| Posted: 1/23/2013 1:45:04 PM
I helped choose the dates. Does that count? I'm old school when it comes to stuff like this. |
_____________________________________________________
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in? | |
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ChiCubsFan
PeaAddict
PeaNut 337,785
September 2007
Posts: 1,264
Layouts: 0
Loc: Wrigley Field
| Posted: 1/23/2013 1:54:57 PM
I think it totally depends on the situation and how it is handled. Now, if the mom to be a "Momzilla" and dictating every little thing about the shower and making demands because "it is all about her and what she wants and deserves" then yeah, it's tacky, selfish and rude.
But if the mom to be is just part of the planning without being a dictator than I think it's fine. | |
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Leone
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 27,235
January 2002
Posts: 5,807
Layouts: 0
Loc: Margaritaville at The Islands (Gilbert, AZ)
| Posted: 1/23/2013 5:32:57 PM
Point was always inappropriate. | |
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myboysnme
one of those "entitled" peas
PeaNut 69,081
February 2003
Posts: 6,730
Layouts: 1
| Posted: 1/23/2013 5:40:06 PM
I think it is tacky. But I am old school also. These days people want to run everything; tell you what to buy, what to wear, when to have it, on and on.
People today want to please the honoree, but don't know the person well enough to manage it without input or don't trust their ability to put together a pleasing event.
The last baby shower I agreed to do upset me so much with the input from the mother of mom to be and the mom to be that I practically threw my hands up in the air and said, "Do what you want. Here's the money."
I am becoming an old person, but when I had showers, I didn't even know about them until I was surprised at the event. I had no input at all.
One time someone asked me if I still needed any big ticket items in casual conversation about what I still planned to get, and then they surprised me with the item.
I don't care if 10 million people on 2peas think the honoree should have input, I don't.
I picked out and purchased all the decorations because the ones I wanted weren't super cheap and I would have never asked her to pay for them.
The decorations you wanted? Heaven help me. |
My choice is to not take it personally - people have opinions. Particularly people here.-Peabay 12/29/11
I know this is assuming, but I'm really starting to think you are one of those "entitled" peas - Dalayney 4/2/12
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Shih Tzu Mommy
Million dollar camera, 10 dollar lock!
PeaNut 224,352
September 2005
Posts: 23,525
Layouts: 0
Loc: Right here
| Posted: 1/23/2013 7:00:05 PM
I think we're a bunch of old farts. I think it used to be that way - that having the mom to be involved meant she was soliciting gifts for herself, rather than have friends (never her relatives) "showering" her with gifts.
Now, people plan their own; families run them and registry information is included right on the invitation. It's just where the world has gone and we have to run to catch up with it.
I agree with half of this. It was poor taste to have the mom involved. Now people are so self-centered and want to top so and so and have a better/fancier/larger shower than friends or family and somehow that is NOT considered rude. But it still is. Rude and tacky.
I do not want to run to catch up with poor manners. Arranging and planning your own shower is never going to be okay.
I was asked for a date and flavor cake I wanted. That was IT! That is how it was for everyone I knew, too.
Pinterest is the devil! People imagine these over the top events and then have to be the puppet master of it all. Bleck! |
Dog people are a special breed! | |
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