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Jen in NCal
PeaFixture
PeaNut 175,686
November 2004
Posts: 3,255
Layouts: 0
Loc: Counting the days until I return to Kim's Perfect BB World.
 |  Posted: 1/22/2013 8:27:22 PM
My 94-year-old-grandmother is dying. She had bowel surgery 2 weeks ago and has, according to her nurse, given up. She's stopped eating and drinking.
I am a mess. She has been my only grandparent since my grandfather died almost 30 years ago, when I was 12. These are both the only grandparents I have ever known.
I vividly remember my grandfather dying and it hurts to this day. I miss him terribly. But I don'r remember the hurt of the actual event.
It just go me thinking. Would this have been easier 20 years ago? Or even 10? Or when I was a child, like when I lost my grandfather? |
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Canon T1i
Canon 28-135mm f/3.5-5.6 IS
Canon EF 100mm f/2.8 Macro - Love this lens!!
Tamron 70-300mm f/4-5.6 - Not sure about this lens. I think I got my money's worth. Should have saved for the Canon version.
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StampinBetsy
PEAce of Cake
PeaNut 197,496
March 2005
Posts: 4,050
Layouts: 8
Loc: North Texas
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IleneTell
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 434,842
August 2009
Posts: 2,427
Layouts: 635
 | Posted: 1/22/2013 8:49:10 PM
I'm guessing it also depends a lot on your relationship with the grandparent. I lost my grandfather when I was 12, and I remember it vividly, and I do still miss him to this day. But he was the one person in my life I was closest to. I wish I had more time with him. I don't know if it would have been harder or easier if I was older, but I'm guessing it might have been easier. At least then I might have had more friends to support me through it. At the age of 12, I was all alone with the loss and had absolutely no one to turn to with my feelings. So if I was older and had more of a support system in place, I think it would have been easier.
I lost another grandfather when I was in my 20's and since I wasn't very close to him, it wasn't a huge loss to me. |
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gorgeouskid
You gots to access your uncrazy side.
PeaNut 83,119
April 2003
Posts: 9,743
Layouts: 10
 | Posted: 1/22/2013 8:49:16 PM
My lovely great-grandmother died when I was seven. She had a great impact on my life and I remember her very fondly.
My paternal grandmother died when I was 29 and it devastated me- she was probably the most influential person in my life. I miss her every day. My maternal grandmother was around to meet my husband and son, and for that I'm grateful. I was better equipped to handle her passing six years later than my other grandma. I had the support of my husband and mother.
My son is losing his grandfather right now and it is awful. (DS is 11- a very sensitive age.) His other grandparents are very much alive and we hope to have them around for a long while. | |
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**Angie**
Pea Who Should Be Cleaning!
PeaNut 145,006
May 2004
Posts: 10,845
Layouts: 91
Loc: at home in front of the computer
 | Posted: 1/22/2013 8:50:29 PM
I lost two of my grandparents when I was in my teens, and the other two when I was in my late 20's.
The last two hurt worse than anything I have ever known. I think a lot of it was that I had moved out on my own, left the state. I felt, still feel, like I had missed out on their last years.
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sunny 5
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 472,024
June 2010
Posts: 2,083
Layouts: 0
 | Posted: 1/22/2013 8:54:10 PM
my last grandparent died when I graduated from high school or so...can't quite remember the date. the other three..one died before I was born, one died when I was 8, one died when I was 11? I did not have a close relationship with any of them. at best, I saw them every few years. I missed my grandfather...but I hadn't seen him for 5 yrs, so it was only through letters. he was 86...not terribly young. His sisters died at 100 and 104, but again, I only saw them every 4 or 5 yrs.
I only knew the aunts as an adult...
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KittenOnTheKeys
PeaFixture
PeaNut 498,237
February 2011
Posts: 3,064
Layouts: 0
Loc: SW
| Posted: 1/22/2013 8:55:44 PM
I think it depends upon how close you are.
I do remember as a kid not being able to go to my grandmother's funeral. I was miffed. I didn't understand it all, everyone was crying, and I wanted my part. I remember acting out because they wouldn't let me say goodbye. I was only 3-4 at the time. |
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myshelly
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 471,001
June 2010
Posts: 7,394
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 1/22/2013 9:00:21 PM
I didn't start losing my grandparents or great-grandparents until I was an adult.
Now, my kids have lost their great grandparents and their grandpa. It KILLS me that they will have to grow up without those relationships in their lives. They feel the void and it haunts me. I hate that they have known death so early in their lives and that I am powerless to protect them from it.
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WannaPea
No Peas for you ! Come back one year!
PeaNut 151,172
June 2004
Posts: 26,850
Layouts: 175
Loc: In my PJ's
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Sarah*H
Bring me that horizon!
PeaNut 239,162
December 2005
Posts: 27,910
Layouts: 413
Loc: The final frontier
 | Posted: 1/22/2013 9:01:01 PM
I lost my grandparents (and several of my great-grandparents) as an adult but I did lose a few great-grandparents when I was younger. And in my memories, I loved them very much but I never knew them as real people. My beloved grandmother died last year and I agree with someone else who said it's just a profound loss. We had so many adventures together. We had an entirely different relationship as adults and I wouldn't trade one day of that to make the loss any easier. My grandfather is 93 and he's fading. I'm so grateful for all of the extra years we've had together even though when the end comes, it will be devastating.
My kids are going to lose their paternal grandmother in the next several months. I am sad that they won't have years of memories of her. |
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pheestand
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 6,487
September 2000
Posts: 5,053
Layouts: 16
Loc: Livonia, MI USA
 | Posted: 1/22/2013 9:16:56 PM
Not sure if I can say it's easier necessarily, and I do agree a lot depends on your relationship. But, I also think a big part of it is you acceptance with the whole concept of life and death. As a young child, I think you notice the absence of that person in your life, and you react as those around you react and mourn their loss as well. As a young adult, the loss is noticed differently, and you have some past life experiences to draw on to form your method of grieving and understanding of the loss. As an adult, death is mourned more as a natural part of life, and once again, your life experiences and more of the relationship you've had with the person will dictate how "hard" or "easy" it is to mourn.
Having explained all that, I can say when I lost my great grandmother, who was very close to my mom (my mom was raised at a young age my her as my grandmother was attending school for her advanced nursing degree), I don't think I really understood that I wouldn't ever see her again- I missed her pet yellow bird in the kitchen, her floral aprons, her special snack when we'd visit (saltine crackers with her homemade strawberry jam).
In my late teens and early 20's I lost my grandmother and grandfather two years apart. I had never known my grandfather as they were divorced and he lived in Florida, we in Ohio. I do remember feeling like I should have made a bigger effort to have gotten to know him though, so I was really mourning the missed relationship I could have had.
When I lost my grandmother, I felt a huge void. We lived apart, she in Ohio, me in Michigan by then. She and my father had a very distant relationship, but we remained close. She was always on my side. I remember telling her how badly I felt that we lived so far apart and I knew she was lonely as time went on. I wrote letters and spent endless hours on the phone with her when I could. I wished she could have settled her differences with my parents, but as adults, they each had their own decisions to make.
So, as each one passed, I think it wasn't "harder" or "easier", it was just different for different reasons. I was always raised to understand that death follows life, and to accept it as such. Nothing to be afraid of, just that our time on this earth is limited and we need to live each day as a gift to ourselves and those we love.
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Kluski
AncestralPea
PeaNut 39,382
May 2002
Posts: 4,199
Layouts: 10
Loc: mid-atlantic region
| Posted: 1/22/2013 9:20:59 PM
I think it depends on the relationship. I remember my grandfather passing when I was 9. While I was upset I don't remember it being devastating. He had five kids, ten grand kids, and four great grand kids so we weren't super tight.
Now my mom and my 11yo dd are best friends. Some days I say I birthed my dd for my mother. lol I am so grateful that dd gets to know how wonderful a grandparent can be in your life. And I am so blessed to be a part as well.
I am sorry for your gran. |
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Alex M
BucketHead
PeaNut 232,908
November 2005
Posts: 587
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 1/22/2013 9:28:29 PM
I'm 34 and all four of my grandparents are still alive but they are all falling apart at the same time which is kinda sad. My last great grandmother died at 98 when I was 19 and while it was sad it just seemed like it was a part of life. It's a little harder as an adult I think because it makes me think about my own mortality and my parents. Death is still part of life but its sad knowing you are only getting older and people fade out of your life. |
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h*pea*ing
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 231,164
November 2005
Posts: 5,109
Layouts: 8
Loc: Midwest
| Posted: 1/22/2013 9:39:56 PM
I was in third grade when I lost my first grandfather. I remember him being sick, but not much else. I lost my other grandfather 8 years ago and that one hurt much more as I was closer to him. I have another grandmother that passed a few years ago, that was painful but not from grief. We had several unresolved issues that still cause problems to this day in the family. I have one grandmother that is living yet. It will be difficult when she passes, but a blessing at the same time. She had a stroke six years ago and was robbed of her full and active life. She has been suffering in a nursing home for the past six years waiting to die. |
~heather~
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*SeikasHaven*
AncestralPea
PeaNut 354,541
January 2008
Posts: 4,254
Layouts: 24
 | Posted: 1/22/2013 9:42:00 PM
I'm sure like with any death, it depends on the nature of your relationship. I was fortunate to be close to my grandparents but by the end of my high school years they had all passed away (I'm the baby on both sides of the family).
I feel like I lose them all over again whenever I reach a particularly significant milestone and they're not here to share it. They never knew me as an adult, never met my husband, attended my wedding and they will never know the child I'm carrying.
I'm so jealous of my siblings and cousins who got to share in more memories than I did.
They were amazing people who blessed and added to my life greatly while they were here. I miss them more than I can say.
I'm not sure if losing them at a younger age was easier than if I had lost them later in life as I only have my experience to go on. But I can assure you that it wasn't "easy" to lose them and I feel I was robbed of so much.  |
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moveablefeast
do justice, love mercy
PeaNut 265,707
June 2006
Posts: 11,133
Layouts: 0
Loc: Northern Virginia
 | Posted: 1/22/2013 10:05:09 PM
I'm so sorry you and your family are facing this hard time.
I lost one grandparent when i was a young child, two during my school years, and one when I was in my 30s and had a newborn, 5 years ago next month. Each one was different in its effects on me and my family, but I don't think any of them was easier or harder than the others. I was sad, and I miss each of them. Not one of them knew my daughter. It is hard. But I think it is always hard, at any time.
The one that should in truth have devastated me most was that of my paternal grandmother, but she was 91 and she was ready. She had missed her husband long engh, and the grandchildren that had preceded her in death. I had made my peace with it beginning when she broke her hip, because they warned us that after a certain age, a broken hip is a significant predictor of mortality in the near term. I guess I just knew. It felt like she had moved far away to be with family, and in a sense, she did. So I had a lot of peace at that time. I guess that is a strange thing to say, but it's true.
Im not even ready to think about what my daughter will walk through when her grandparents go. She is fortunate to still have all four. | |
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angela1422
Trying to find Narnia
PeaNut 312,012
April 2007
Posts: 8,910
Layouts: 9
| Posted: 1/22/2013 10:06:02 PM
My grandfather has always been my only father, so my situation is a little different.
He died on the 1st. Half the time, I am still living in a fantasy land where he hasn't left me. The other 45% of the time, I just refuse to think about it.
Because when I do think about it, that 5%?... I can't breathe. I just can't.
It would have been easier to loose him before I really knew him, and what he would mean to me.
But I wouldn't give up this pain for anything. He taught me to drive, to make strawberry jam, to love to play in the dirt and how to make things grow, like magic. He taught me what it means to love your family and country and what it means to be a man. He gave me away at my wedding.
He's been slowly dying since surgery in September. He gave up the day or two before Christmas, when the last family member finally made it home from overseas to say goodbye to him. We know he waited for that. And then he was just... Done. He was so tired.
I'm rambling, I'm sorry. This is one of the moments I can't see my way through my grief.
It would have been easier to loose her as a child, yes. But you wouldn't have had all these years of memories to hold on to, either. |
    
"Do you know what the chain of command is here? It's the chain I go get and beat you with to show you who's in command!"
Sometimes I wonder if God made stupid people purely for the entertainment of the rest of us. | |
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mdoc
Peaing under the Radar
PeaNut 61,691
January 2003
Posts: 11,824
Layouts: 0
Loc: In the Middle
| Posted: 1/22/2013 10:06:25 PM
I think it depends on the people and relationships involved. One of my grandfathers died before I was born; the other died before I was 2 and I don't remember him or his death. One of my grandmothers died when I was 25, but I wasn't all that close to her and her passing had little effect on me. I was MUCH closer to my other grandmother. She died when I was 50 and she was 97. She was in pain and ready to go, so I viewed her passing as a blessing, which made things much easier. All in all, none of my grandparents' deaths were difficult for me. Had my last grandmother died when we were both younger, when I would have considered her death premature, it would have been difficult. | |
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IleneTell
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 434,842
August 2009
Posts: 2,427
Layouts: 635
| Posted: 1/22/2013 10:11:48 PM
My grandfather has always been my only father, so my situation is a little different.
He died on the 1st.
Oh no, I'm so sorry for your loss |
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pennyring
Thrift Ninja
PeaNut 226,011
October 2005
Posts: 22,413
Layouts: 40
Loc: Rite Aid
| Posted: 1/22/2013 10:24:50 PM
Yes, I agree with those who said it depends on relationship.
I find a lot of people are like me, they really got to know a grandparent shortly before their death, due to the grandparent needing more assistance.
My Gramma was 91 when she died. In the year leading up to her death, I spent A LOT of time at her place, cooking, shopping, visiting, just checking in. When she died, I considered her not just my Gramma, but a good, good friend. The loss was so hard because we'd become very close. 
A few years earlier, I would have been sad... but we didn't have that bond before then. Her passing was deeply tragic to me because of our relationship. Like, gut wrenchingly tragic. I remember just sobbing and sobbing when we lost her. We were friends, and I lost my friend, not just my Gramma.
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Luvnlifelady
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 289,166
December 2006
Posts: 17,345
Layouts: 7
Loc: Southern California
| Posted: 1/22/2013 10:55:45 PM
We just recently lost my kids' only grand-grandparent. It was DH's grandma. He was pretty close to her so it's pretty sad. We just scattered her ashes about a week ago. It was a nice farewell to a lovely lady.
I think one thing that makes it hard to lose the last one is that you know then that the next generation is next....that would mean parents. I've already lost my dad but I think it's going to be even harder on DH when his parents pass on. I hate even thinking about it and how I would help him.
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freecharlie
Is the pool open yet?
PeaNut 109,127
September 2003
Posts: 19,269
Layouts: 4
Loc: Colorado
| Posted: 1/22/2013 10:55:50 PM
This may sound weird, but as I get older I believe it affects me more. I have one grandma left. I guess I always thought of my grandparents as a buffer between my parents and being old/dying. If that (grandparents) generation is still around, then it isn't even close to time for my parents.
If my kids' grandparents were to pass away right now, I think it would affect them horribly. They are extremely close to both sets and it would destroy my kids for a while (as it would me. |
| Tribbey: I believe, as long as Justice Dreifort is intolerant toward gays, lesbians, blacks, unions, women, poor people, and the first, fourth, fifth, and ninth amendments, I will remain intolerant toward him! [to Ainsley] Nice meeting you | |
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dreamsbedreams
PeaAddict
PeaNut 229,609
October 2005
Posts: 1,490
Layouts: 9
Loc: East Coast
| Posted: 1/22/2013 11:05:48 PM
First off, I'm so sorry for what you are going though, and my heart and prayers go out to you. I don't think it's easy either way. Both of my grandparents, the only ones I've ever known and who practically raised me, died a year apart when I was in high school.
For my grandmother, it was a long, tough road, as she fought to overcome complications with diabetes and numerous strokes. My grandfather, on the other hand, died very poetically - on Valentine's Day, the year following my grandmother's death. For him, it was sudden and unexpected, but not any easier for me.
It's been 18 years since my grandma passed, yet there are still tears in my eyes as I type this. I don't think it's easier one way or the other, I just think you learn to process and cope differently, depending on where you are at that point in your life. Again, I am so sorry for what you are going through. |
http://flawedidealist.blogspot.com/ | |
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Kiwipolz
It's Polz, not Kiwi
PeaNut 166,713
September 2004
Posts: 7,309
Layouts: 218
Loc: New Zealand
| Posted: 1/22/2013 11:26:46 PM
My Maternal Grandfather died when I was 7. I don't really remember him that much. My two paternal Grandparents died within 7 weeks of each other in 2010 and that tore me up. My Nan is 79 and had called all the family home (70ish people who live all over the world) for her 80th birthday. She thinks it's her last one and because I know her medical history and how bad it has been of late, unfortunately, I agree with her. She has 30ish grandchildren and I'm the only girl one living in the same small town as her. I see her at least twice a week and she calls me when she is lonely or to run errands.
I know I will be in a bad place when she does eventually pass. | |
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peapermint
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 9,321
January 2001
Posts: 8,602
Layouts: 0
Loc: all up in your business
| Posted: 1/22/2013 11:35:33 PM
I'm so sorry.
I can't imagine it's ever easy. But my grandma and I have always been very close and I know I'm going to totally lose it when she dies -- which probably won't be long, as she's 86 and in declining health mentally and physically. It's so hard to watch. We used to have so much fun when I was younger; she was active and exciting. My DS (8) only knows her as an old, feeble lady and it breaks my heart. | |
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mom-2-2beagles
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 131,676
February 2004
Posts: 2,792
Layouts: 10
Loc: Nor Cal
| Posted: 1/23/2013 1:05:59 AM
I don't know, but often wonder. I am 30 and still have all 4 grandparents. DH is 35 and his last grandparent died over 5 years ago. I am very close to my mom's parents, closest to her mom. My maternal grandfather has Alzheimers that is progressing faster than we would like and it is taking a toll on my grandmother. My paternal grandparents I was close with when I was young, but then they moved across the country and we didn't see them much. So it will be hard watching my dad go through it when they pass, but we don't have that much of a relationship. His mom is crazy, but I will miss his dad. |
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AKathy
Peaing From Podunk
PeaNut 45,443
August 2002
Posts: 14,576
Layouts: 93
Loc: North Dakota
| Posted: 1/23/2013 8:17:43 AM
I didn't lose my Grandma until I was 56. She was 102 and had met all five of my grandsons 
I was extremely close to her and although I knew she'd had a long, full iLife, I was not ready to lose her |
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fishwitch
PeaNut
PeaNut 577,311
January 2013
Posts: 178
Layouts: 0
Loc: Texas
| Posted: 1/23/2013 8:19:53 AM
I think it depends on the relationship. My grandmother just died yesterday. I'm still in shock |
| ~~Melani....once upon a time I was Sailorslady, now I'm just the fish | |
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Nancie52
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 452,927
January 2010
Posts: 2,915
Layouts: 23
Loc: Mass
| Posted: 1/23/2013 8:37:48 AM
I'm sorry that you're going through this but I want you to think of one thing... how VERY fortunate you have been to have shared a "granchild/grandparent" relationship and that it was so very special... as hard as it is that we lose them... to have had them in our lives is so wonderful... and I say this because my own 3 kids never knew their grandmothers. my mother died when my oldest was 3 and I was pregnant with my dd.. my MIL died before I had any of my children and she had such WONDERFUL relationship with her other grandchildren .. as did my mother .. grandparents (who chose and love to be involved with their G/C) have so much to offer and they learn so much from them.. it's hard no matter what age you lose them...,, but you have something special,, that not everyone has had..
Strength and prayers to you.... | |
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moodyblue
PeaAddict
PeaNut 346,032
November 2007
Posts: 1,626
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 1/23/2013 8:54:31 AM
My sympathies to Melani and the others with recent losses - and to all who have loved and lost a grandparent.
I was lucky to have all four of my grandparents until shortly after I turned 31. But then I lost all four in a period of about 6.5 years. The one who died first was the grandmother to whom I was the closest. I remember thinking that there was one less person in the world who really knew and loved me. Then my mom (it was her mother who died) told me that she would always miss her mother, but she wouldn't wish her back as she was; grandma had Parkinson's. That stuck with me, and I have used that thought to ease the loss as others died.
I think the relationship you have/had has a great deal to do with how you feel, as well as where you are in your own life and how you view things regarding life and death. Pheestand said it very well in an earlier post. | |
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IleneTell
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 434,842
August 2009
Posts: 2,427
Layouts: 635
| Posted: 1/23/2013 8:57:03 AM
Melani, I'm so sorry for your loss....sending you some mental hugs |
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liasmommy2000
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 80,815
April 2003
Posts: 8,352
Layouts: 7
Loc: The mitten state
| Posted: 1/23/2013 9:14:51 AM
One of my grandmothers died when I was eleven and the other just a few years ago when I was thirty-seven. I'd say younger was easier just because I had less time to know her. When my other grandmother died a few years ago it was much harder.
However I miss them both and have pangs of loss and grief at random moments for both. Just out of the blue at times. A few weeks ago at work I was working on something and just out of the blue I thought of the grandmother that died when I was eleven and missed her intensely. |
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Shevy
Harley Riding Pea
PeaNut 10,051
January 2001
Posts: 7,278
Layouts: 9
Loc: 10,000 Lakes and Double Cities!
| Posted: 1/23/2013 9:30:35 AM
I had one grandparent die when I was about 7. I don't remember much of it.
Another when I was in college and it was an overall bad expereince. We were very close and I took days off school to be with him in the hosptial as he was dying with the promise from professors that it wouldn't damage my grades, but it did.
I lost my last great grandparent at 26 and it was to be expected given that she was almost 100.
I lost my third grandparent at 39. She was ill for a few months and I had time to prepare myself. But it was still hard.
My last grandparent is the one that I am most close to. she will be 88 on Sunday. I lived with her for a while, she's been my champion, she's picked me up when I was low and needed support, she's helped me financially...I get sad even thinking about losing her.
For me, I think it's harder when you're older and understand death, the finality and the loss of the relationship. |
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Quinlove
BucketHead
PeaNut 30,457
February 2002
Posts: 853
Layouts: 2
Loc: Texas
 | Posted: 1/23/2013 11:19:26 AM
Melani - I am so very sorry about the loss of your Grandmother.
And, hugs to all peas who have recently lost grandparents. |
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scrappingoogoo
PeaWee
PeaNut 542,432
February 2012
Posts: 42
Layouts: 0
 | Posted: 1/23/2013 1:19:34 PM
I was blessed to have all 4 grandparents until I was 20. I lost paternal grandfather at 20, maternal grandmother at 21, and paternal grandmother at 34. They were all painful as I was so close to each of them.
A year ago, I lost my last grandparent, my maternal grandfather, who was 94. He lived alone, still drove, did his own food shopping and laundry and got the Final Jepoardy question right every single night. He was my biggest fan, taught me some of life's most important lessons and I couldn't be more grateful for having him for 42 years! (I still can't listen to my saved voice mails because I can't handle hearing his adorable messages!)
At his funeral, a very smart person told me something very profound... No matter how old someone is when they pass, and no matter how old the people who love them are, it's painful to have to imagine your life without them in it because you don't want to.
I wish you peace on the journey ahead of you - it's not easy no matter what the circumstances are...
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JamieMN
BucketHead
PeaNut 142,548
April 2004
Posts: 712
Layouts: 12
Loc: my own little world
| Posted: 1/23/2013 1:46:39 PM
I agree that I think the older you are the harder.
By time I was 18 all of my grandparents were gone. My grandpa died in June of 2006, my GreatGrandma in June of 2008 and my Grandma in Nov of 2008. My G&G were the ones that we lived with growing up. I have never been more then 6 blocks from them my whole life. It will be 17 years this year and it still feels like it was yesterday.
My hubbys Grandma is still with us and I so wish I could make him see how important it is to spend time with her now | |
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IScrapCrap
PeaAddict
PeaNut 570,639
October 2012
Posts: 1,059
Layouts: 0
Loc: pea formerly known as GIPfunny
| Posted: 1/23/2013 2:04:34 PM
I thought I understood loss after losing 2 grandmothers and a grandfather in my 20's. The other grandfather died when my own father was 9. I did okay because they were all in their 90's. It was probably hardest losing my grandpa because he was mentally with it until the very end.
Then my dad died suddenly when I was 31. It was much much worse. | |
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LivetoRead
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 127,858
January 2004
Posts: 6,093
Layouts: 39
Loc: lost in my scraproom
| Posted: 1/23/2013 2:11:17 PM
I was 12 when my first grandparent died and 28 when the last died. I miss them all and it is always hard if you have a loving, caring relationship with them. DH lost his first at about 34 and the last at 42 and he misses them as much as I miss mine. | |
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SillyRabbit
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 104,457
September 2003
Posts: 2,817
Layouts: 12
Loc: Where The Grass Is Blue
| Posted: 1/23/2013 2:17:05 PM
I was in my 20's before I lost any grandparents. 3 years ago, I lost my Mim (my dad's mom) and that's the hardest loss I've ever been through. I'm down to 1 living grandparent now. Additionally, DH has lost all 4 of his grandparents since we've been married, and I loved them all like my own. So I think it's harder as you get older. |
Cindy 
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ceepea
BucketHead
PeaNut 343,496
October 2007
Posts: 645
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 1/23/2013 2:25:45 PM
First of all I want to say I am sorry you are going through this.
I really have no experience with grandparents, my mom was orphaned by the time she was 11 and was sent to work on a potato farm(this was 1936 or so) with her sisters. My father's parents were both gone by the time I was 3. I have no memories of them.
I honestly never got the whole grandparent thing. I guess it is a deeper, different kind of love than you would have for an aunt or uncle?
My prayers go out to your family. | |
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justbecause
AncestralPea
PeaNut 249,087
February 2006
Posts: 4,524
Layouts: 1
| Posted: 1/23/2013 3:50:02 PM
I think it depends on your relationship with your grandparent. I did not know my paternal grandmother as she passed when I was 2. When my paternal grandfather died, I was rather matter-of-fact about it (I was 19). Two months before he died, my maternal grandfather passed away. I cried more over that. I think it was more because his was unexpected and the other was expected (due to health).
Now my surviving grandmother is 94 and I doubt she'll make it through the year. I'm not sure what my reaction will be as I'm not close to her like I used to be.
I worry about DH though. He has yet to lose a close family member and he's 30. The only close relative was an uncle who died before he was born.
Any death will be hard if you're close to that person. If you're not, then it probably won't hurt as much. You'd be sad. |
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Vi
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 24,036
November 2001
Posts: 5,361
Layouts: 13
Loc: Mesa, AZ
| Posted: 1/23/2013 4:35:00 PM
I'm with those who say it entirely depends on the relationship. I lost my maternal grandfather when I was 30 and it hurt terribly. He lived with us all the years I was growing up and was a wonderful grandfather. He helped raise my sisters and I. We never had a babysitter as he was always available. He told wonderful bedtime stories from his life and he loved to laugh.
My paternal grandmother passed away when I was 32 and I did feel the loss. However, it did not affect me as much because I wasn't as close to her as I was my grandpa.
Vi
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BergdorfBlonde
Getting blonder every day
PeaNut 162,956
August 2004
Posts: 10,067
Layouts: 0
Loc: LI girl, livin' in the gulf
| Posted: 1/23/2013 5:11:36 PM
Neither, especially when you're close to them!! I lost a grandfather (who I feared more than loved!!) when I was only 8 and that was a blur. Then I lost my dear grandfather (who was more like a father to us!!) when I was 31. That was painful and it impacted my entire family (and extended family) for many, many years to come. We visited his grave for every single holiday, kids in tow. My kids were little toddlers and they'd go and hold hands and pray and tell "papa" stories and make it happy (yet we'd be crying!). He was never forgotten. Then my nana passed just 3 years ago. She was 99. I was 50. That was just as hard. She was a trouper and she rarely complained, rarely got sick, etc......... She just eventually shut down. Again, we were so saddened. We were happy at the thought that they were finally together, after being apart for over 20 years! One of my sisters made a scrapbook for each of my siblings, with some of my Nana's prized recipes, plus we all contributed with our own Nana-stories that she put in there. It's such a great keepsake. I keep it displayed on a bookstand in my kitchen. Every time I make one of her recipes, I say, "Thank you, Nana!!" 
Long story short: It's NEVER easy to lost a beloved grandparent. I hope that yours will be remembered forever. |
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lovetodigi
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 257,022
April 2006
Posts: 7,673
Layouts: 5
Loc: Metro Atlanta
| Posted: 1/23/2013 5:19:19 PM
I am so sorry about your Grandmother. It is never easy to lose someone you love, especially when you are close to them.
My Grandfather died on my 12th birthday and I remember being upset and crying. I remember worrying about my Grandmother. I think that I focused so hard on trying to take care of her and trying to help ease her hurt, that I personally was able to block a lot of the pain. When she passed away 18 years ago, I was crushed. I barely functioned for weeks afterwards and could not talk about her for a few years without breaking down. We were extremely close and I miss her to this day. I miss my Grandfather too, but losing my Grandmother was harder. I think maybe it is harder to lose someone when you are older because you have had more time together to become closer. The unbearable pain was a small price to pay for the precious gift of time. |
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Christine58
pea'rific teacher Union President
PeaNut 164,125
August 2004
Posts: 21,133
Layouts: 0
Loc: Western NY
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myboysnme
one of those "entitled" peas
PeaNut 69,081
February 2003
Posts: 6,737
Layouts: 1
| Posted: 1/23/2013 5:33:01 PM
My grandfather died last year at age 99. My grandmother died a few years ago at age 92.
My other grandparents (one maternal, one paternal) died at age 55 and 62 respectively. When I was younger, it was easier because they seemed old to me even at their relatively young ages. Old people die, so when you are young, that is life.
Now that I am older, it was harder to lose these grandparents because I had them in my life for half a century. I no longer viewed 'being old' the sale as I did as I was young. |
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*Scrapper*
Al Gore for HOF
PeaNut 8,339
December 2000
Posts: 10,619
Layouts: 67
Loc: Texas
| Posted: 1/23/2013 6:08:21 PM
I think it all depends on the circumstances.
I lost one of my grandpas at the age of 15. He'd gone through a battle with Alzheimers. Although I was sad to lose him and sad today that my husband and children never met him, it wasn't hard at the time because I knew he was in a happier place than he was being bedridden with Alzheimers.
When I lost my grandma (grandpa's wife) suddenly when I was an adult. It wasn't hard on me at all at first. In fact, it wasn't hard on me until I went back to visit family and stayed at her house, which hadn't sold yet. All of her furniture was gone and her house was empty and when I saw that I all of a sudden burst into tears and sobbed and sobbed. It was like the reality of it--even though I had been to her funeral and everything just hit me all at once and it overwhelmed me. I'm actually very happy for her--I know she's in a happy place with my grandpa. She dreamed of the exact circumstances of her death 2 months prior to her passing and in the dream my grandpa came for her, so I know they are together and happy. But I do miss her.
I lost my other grandpa a couple years ago and after the initial shock (it was unexpected), I was happy for him too because it was so quick. He was such an active man and would never have wanted to linger. The one thing that we feel sad about is that my son is so much like him and they share the same interests. It would have been wonderful for them to enjoy those interests together.
Which brings me to his wife, my last living grandma. If I had lost her at a young age I think I would have been inconsolable. I love all of my grandparents, but I have always had a special connection with her. Unfortunately she is lingering with Alzheimers and frankly at this point I know she would be so much happier if she could pass on. I will miss her terribly when it happens, but I wouldn't keep her here if the choice were given to me, knowing that the longer she's here the longer she's away from my grandpa (whom she missed terribly before Alzheimers took her memory).
I think the more sudden the death the harder it is to process. The two that were more sudden certainly caused me to grieve more, I think. Heck, my grandpa was 90 and I still wasn't prepared. But with the two who linger(ed) with Alzheimers, I guess it's one of those things where you grieve early on in the illness and at some point you're ready to accept that it's time for them to go.
Alzheimers stinks. |
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