I'm down with the flu...does your house fall apart when

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Posted 1/23/2013 by *Lisa Dale* in NSBR Board

*Lisa Dale*

PeaNut 6,845
September 2000
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Loc: Virginia

Posted: 1/23/2013 12:34:50 PM
You are sick? The flu hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday morning...fever and excrutiating body aches! Now, let me say, I'm a sahm and home educating mom...i literally stayed in bed all day fighting a fever, sweats, and a very upset stomach. I told my girls (16 & 12) that they could have a creative/art day. Which they did and they created two gorgeous creations, brought me gatorade and ibuprofen throughout the day and kept themselves quiet and content. Dh comes home from work, seems to be in a bit of a mood. Keeps asking how I feel and if I'm sure I have the flu. Well, no, I'm not positive, I didn't go to the Dr. for an official diagnosis, but yes, I'm fairly certain that I have the flu. So, last night we had previous plans to attend a church type function for a family that is moving, dh did mot want to go without me! He hummed and hahed and finally at the last minute reluctantly went. They were an hour late but did stay til the end and actually had a good time. Going to this function without me totally stressed dh out and he was pretyy grumpy for most if the night but luckily I was upstairs in bed and didn't have to deal with it. Fast forward to this am, I have a horrible headache, I go downstairs to get coffee thinking it will help mt head. Well, the house us a WRECK!! The kitchen is overflowing with dirty dishes, the dining room looked like an art studio had explided, there were shoes and boots everywhere, the cats had not one drop of water or food, the dogs toys were scattered throughout the house, the trashcan was overflowing, etc...so, I wrote the kids a note and gave them each a list of things to do., including school assignments. I went back to bed. Dh calls at lunchtime and says "so do u really think you have the flu?" "wht do u keep asking me that? What else gives you a high fever and bodyaches?" I ask him. He then tells me that I'm defensive and a terrible sick person and that i'm always grumpy when I'm sick...well yeah...I'm SICK!! Dh and I get along so well normally, we never fight and he's usually a pretty laid back dude. But, when i'm sick, it's like he can't handle it! He has no idea how to show concern or make the girls abide by our regular routine, our 12 yr old was still up at 11:30 last night!!

Now that I've typed all this out, it seems petty, maybe it is me, maybe I am a terrible sick person. I'm not in control when I'm down and out, and I know I have control issues. Does this happen to you?

Thanks for letting me vent and thank you if you read this entire thing!

*Lisa Dale*

PeaNut 6,845
September 2000
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Posted: 1/23/2013 12:37:21 PM
Wow! There are a lot of typos in that post, sorry about that!

Mother of Benedict Cumberbatch's love child

PeaNut 279,995
October 2006
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Posted: 1/23/2013 12:38:43 PM
Sounds like your dh needs the flu!

Tell him to grow up and start delegating responsibility. Also, your kids are old enough to know better. If that were me, there would be hell to pay.


PeaNut 116,261
November 2003
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Posted: 1/23/2013 12:41:28 PM
I was sick several weeks ago and like you I'm a SAHM and a home schooler. My children are younger than yours, but still old enough to take care of themselves when I'm sick. I was sick through our Christmas break, so school wasn't an issue. Dh was also sick the same time. So he and I both were down for the count.

I say this nicely, your girls are old enough that you should be able to instruct them on chores to do during the day that should keep your household running fairly smoothly. Even making meals. That way when you are feeling better it doesn't rest on you to get everything in order again. *which I see after re-reading you have done* And honestly, even if for whatever reason your dh doesn't enforce what you've asked, they should still be doing it.

(((hugs))) I'm sorry you're sick and I hope you feel better soon.


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PeaNut 439,705
September 2009
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Posted: 1/23/2013 12:41:51 PM
I can relate although my DH isn't quite as annoying as yours

I would have left the note that told everyone to pick up their own messes.

Your girls are old enough to understand this and also help in other areas of the house if a parent is ill, such as cleaning the kitchen, etc. And I would have a chat with DH with much of the same stuff - yes, he can and should enforce the daily schedule, routine, etc. as it's for the benefit of the kids/family, etc.

Who am I kidding? Too tired to drink tequila

PeaNut 110,613
October 2003
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Posted: 1/23/2013 12:44:09 PM
DH pulls it together. Around 4 yesterday I started to feel really rundown and said I was going to lie down. He woke me up at 5:30 to ask about dinner. I came down and looked at the chicken I'd thawed out. He asked if I wanted to concede defeat and just order pizza. Hells yes! I still got DS ready for school this morning, got him there and I'm putting together dinner now so it can just be reheated when everybody needs to eat. DH is at work and I'm still home with our youngest. But he'll make sure the kids get to bed on time, etc. He just can't cook. I will say though, that I woke up and he'd worked on a project with oldest DS, got snacks, changed a diarrhea diaper, and taken out the trash and recycling. He just can't cook meals.

*Lisa Dale*

PeaNut 6,845
September 2000
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Posted: 1/23/2013 12:48:43 PM
Thanks ladies!! U guys r the best!!

Shut the PEA UP! Yer gettin me all twitterpaited!

PeaNut 123,471
January 2004
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Posted: 1/23/2013 12:50:25 PM
Gosh Lisa, I hope you get to feeling better quickly. I am terrified of getting the flu right now. (had the shot, etc, we have vacation coming up in 30 days so I am freaking out)

So, nope, not sick yet. And you're not a "bad" sick person. You probably run a tight ship, and just hate to see all of your hard work down the drain so quickly. It takes time to keep a house neat, orderly, and to see it ravaged by uncaring family, in less than 24hrs... just probably torks ya off to no end.

Now, my DH is a sweet man. He is wonderful. I can't say that enough. ....

BUT... until recently? When I got sick? He was the biggest freakin' jackhole on the planet. Down right mean. Jerk. Loser. TOTAL ass**le. He would downright get mad at me for being sick. Pregnant w/our 2nd, and puking 24/7... didn't ask me once, if I needed water, ... anything. (after being in bed all day, couldn't get myself a glass of water to save my life) Seriously, he is a wonderful caretaker now, and I really need to LET IT GO, because he is NOT like that now.

But, I feel your pain. And if I were you in your situation? I probably would have said, "If you ask me one more time, If I think I've got the flu, so help me G*d, I will rip your b*lls off and shove them down your throat." ....

You're not being petty. And I don't think being sick, is an excuse to treat people like crap? Because you don't feel good? But... I try to be adult enough to realize, that if they are not feeling well, they might come off snappy. And I don't take it personally.

They know you're probably an awesome mom/wife 99% of the other time. Just remind them, "Hey, I am an awesome mom/wife 99% of the time, just let me have that 1% right now, please? "


PeaNut 562,203
July 2012
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Posted: 1/23/2013 12:54:50 PM
You poor thing, mine isn't quite that bad. However, he usually asks how long I think it will last!!! How the hell would I know??? Isn't it funny how it all changes when they are sick with a sniffle and can't get off the couch. Oh wait, that's everyday, but you know what I mean.


PeaNut 340,835
October 2007
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Posted: 1/23/2013 1:06:16 PM
Right there with you Lisa!!
I got the flu over Christmas, with the exact symptoms as you. I spilt tea on my end table and just the effort of cleaning it up forced me into a 4 hour nap. Everyone just sat there and watched me clean it up.
DH had taken 2 weeks off to do a deep clean and purging of the house but because I was sick he didn't do a damn thing, he watched movies all day every day.
And got pissy because he had to make dinner (call out for dinner was more like it). The kids made themselves breakfast and I dragged myself into the kitchen to make lunch and do the dishes, by dinner I was wiped out and in bed.
Not one of them did a freakin' thing all week. I'm still trying to put my house back together.

And I'm not one to do everything in the house all the time either, we all have a daily chore list and know how to pick up the slack.

janet r

PeaNut 22,327
October 2001
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Posted: 1/23/2013 1:06:20 PM
Yes. That happens here as well. I am so sorry. Hope you feel better soon and get them to help you out.

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 497,090
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Posted: 1/23/2013 1:11:14 PM
Not really, He just does things differently then I do. If he has to shop there will be six bags of cookies, chips ,candy and one bag of something healthy. AND he will LET the kids eat whatever they want out of the junk food bags.

and he will wake me up to see if there is anything I need. ack! yes more sleep.

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PeaNut 90,665
June 2003
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Posted: 1/23/2013 1:13:29 PM
Sounds like you are really sick and need some pampering and not stress. I wonder about the dynamic btwn your dh's parents when his mom got sick or vice versa? I'm almost hearing panic in his voice, from your post. Your girls are old enough that one bout of flu shouldn't throw the entire house into chaos. I'm very sorry that you can't lock the door and sleep. I wish you quick healing.


I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 471,001
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Posted: 1/23/2013 1:32:57 PM
I'm on day 2.5 of being down with flu (making a quick recovery thanks to a pea recommending oscillococcinum on another thread - that stuff is nothing short of miraculous!).

My kids are just turned 6 and under. I homeschool as well.

The only thing that's different about my house today than a normal day is that my bed is unmade bc I'm still in it.

The kids play in the playroom and watch movies. They bring me water and Kleenex. They are getting their own food and surviving on stuff like breakfast bars and lunchables (yes, I know that makes me a bad mommy in peadom, but it's the best I can do right now).

When DH gets home he leads the kids in a playroom clean up and puts any dishes they used during the day (which they put in the sink) into the dishwasher. Nothing else is messy or out of place.

I don't think anybody got the mail yesterday, but our mailbox is locked, so it can wait.


PeaNut 328,901
July 2007
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Posted: 1/23/2013 1:36:57 PM
You poor thing!! Yes, absolutely enlist (DRAFT) those DD's for duty!

I rarely get sick, knock on wood and when I do, it's usually something that I can keep moving...a cold, sinus stuff. But one time years ago I had a horrible flu. I work full time and XH was a minister at the time. Didn't keep office hours and came and went as he pleased. DS was about 7. After being in bed for over 24 hours, I migrated to the couch just for a change of scenery. XH gets home, after picking DS up from school around 3:30. I'm there on the couch, trash can overflowing with Kleenex, Thera-flu bottle, thermal mug full of ice water and me half dead. He asks me "What's for supper?" I lifted my head off the pillow and I'm sure it probably did an Exorcist spin. I told him "I don't care what you have for supper. You're a grown up. Either cook something, make a sandwich or call Pizza Hut" and I drug my blanket, my pillow, drugs and Kleenex back to the bedroom. lol He never said a word! He knew better.

Lisa =^..^=

"What fresh hell is this?" Sheldon Cooper


PeaNut 37,647
May 2002
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Posted: 1/23/2013 3:43:30 PM
Yeah I am working on my third week of this flu but now I also have a sinus infection and an ear infection and bronchitis so I am really not doing good. In the mist of this our *kids* and I say it that way since they are all over 18 live at home and when I went down I went down hard.

The 3 adult kids did not cook for themselves, did not do common laudry like towels, did not clean up after themselves, did not even load the dishwasher. So the house was a mess and with 5 adults and 2 grandkids we ran out of towels. So I had dh bring home dinner after work.

But when dh went down as well I was still out of it and so it was the same except that dh wasnt able to pick up the slack. And I am too sick at this point to yell at the adult children but now they are also sick as are the babies. The babies were sick first thn my dil and then me and then down the line.

But yeah it sucks.



PeaNut 563,786
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Posted: 1/24/2013 10:35:02 PM
I could deal with the house being a mess and things not getting done, but if my husband questioned me about being sick I would be seriously pissed off.


PeaNut 247,274
February 2006
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Posted: 1/24/2013 10:54:08 PM
Oh, I hope you feel better soon.

Yes, my house falls apart when I'm sick/out of commission. I'm a SAHM also, and I understand my DH works really hard and he travels a lot, but he is just clueless when it comes to household and kids school stuff. Three weeks ago today I broke my ankle, my DH became such a grumpy grouch, sometimes he was such an a$$ like I did it on purpose or something! He had to pick up a lot of the things I do because I can't weight bear yet--I've got this heavy moon boot thing and have to get around on crutches. Then to top things off my youngest DD got the flu which just sent him over the edge because he can't even figure out how to give ibuprofen! I think he was glad when he finally got to go back out on a business trip, lol! The kids have been really helpful though, they're still young enough they love to help out mommy. Sometimes they even fight over who's going to do something for me, I gotta take advantage of that while I can!

Tammy C

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PeaNut 1,583
October 1999
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Posted: 1/24/2013 11:00:50 PM
It really sucks to be the mom and be sick. No one ever takes care of us! I would say to DH, "If you had the flu, I would be making sure you had what you needed to feel better...meds, water, a comfy blanket, some tlc. Sure your girls can help out but DH needs to step up and pick up the slack. Feel better!

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PeaNut 421,228
April 2009
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Posted: 1/24/2013 11:23:37 PM
My house does tend to fall apart when I'm ill, but your post still makes me mad on your behalf. I'm a SAHM and DD is 12. If I just have a bad headache or something and spend the day on the couch, no one really picks up the slack. The condition of our house often depends totally on her. If I'm down for more than a day, she'll clean up the kitchen and living room and keep herself fed. DH always feeds the outside animals, but I usually have to remind them about the inside ones since I usually do it. No one would do laundry until they ran out of clothes.

My DH is a bit of a hypochondriac and seems to think no one ever gets as sick as he does, but if I'm down with something bad enough that I stay in bed all day he's sympathetic. Last time I was down badly with the flu for a few days, he carried me to the shower because he knew I would feel so much better and I wasn't dragging out of bed on my own.

I would talk to him about being considerate of you and that it was rude for him to question your illness as if you are lying or putting on a show. Also ask him to help pull some weight in keeping up the house while you are down and delegate tasks to the girls. Really, at that age they should know to pick up their messes whether you are sick or not.


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