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susans sister
PeaFixture
PeaNut 128,232
February 2004
Posts: 3,022
Layouts: 23
Loc: Asheville, NC
 |  Posted: 1/26/2013 6:43:46 PM
I've called people by these names forever. It is hard for me to remember the names of all the kids in the neighborhood so I call them all Darling. Now they all call me Mrs Darling. But I use endearments to address adults also. Is this not nice? | |
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angievp
Ideay pues?
PeaNut 143,106
April 2004
Posts: 6,644
Layouts: 36
Loc: Miami
| Posted: 1/26/2013 6:49:22 PM
Like with a lot of things, context is everything. If it's a man at a meeting calling me "sweetie" or "darling" then yes, it's demeaning.
If it's meant to be an endearment, then no. I call my nieces/nephews a variety of things, ranging from "my love," (as in "Hi, my love!", to "gorgeous," to "sweetie pie," to crazy endearments to make them preen; I don't necessarily want to be called any of those in a professional setting, or by someone I don't know. | |
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**cindyupnorth**
Tony is MY hoochie!
PeaNut 3,902
April 2000
Posts: 24,281
Layouts: 9
Loc: MN
 | Posted: 1/26/2013 6:54:47 PM
It depends on who is doing it..and how they say it. If the kids in my neighborhood started calling me Mrs Darling, I would think they are making fun of me.. |
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sunny 5
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 472,024
June 2010
Posts: 2,090
Layouts: 0
 | Posted: 1/26/2013 6:57:28 PM
anything outside of friends or family...yes. I don't like being called this and I wouldn't use it myself. if you don't know a name, you can use sir, madam, or something equally polite. | |
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Dalai Mama
La Pea Boheme
PeaNut 49,641
September 2002
Posts: 24,197
Layouts: 85
Loc: Drunk on the lawn in a nuclear dawn
 | Posted: 1/26/2013 7:01:26 PM
I agree that it depends. If I start calling you 'Honey' or 'Sweetie' then, yes, I'm demeaning you.  |
Jo Mama
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Gotta kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight. - Bruce Cockburn
The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. - Douglas Adams
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GrinningCat
Proudly Canadian
PeaNut 43,061
July 2002
Posts: 31,589
Layouts: 2
| Posted: 1/26/2013 7:03:04 PM
Depends. If you are not in my immediate circle of friends or family, yes it's demeaning. And if you do it to me and you are not in that exclusive circle, I am going to want to stab you. Strangers assuming that kind of intimacy piss me off. | |
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AntJackie
BucketHead
PeaNut 209,453
June 2005
Posts: 761
Layouts: 0
Loc: Illinois
 | Posted: 1/26/2013 7:03:09 PM
All depends on who is calling me these things. My BF and I are always calling each other "Sweetie" and there are times with my little kids at school when they are not feeling good or crying that I will call them honey and tell them its all ok.
My last boss though called everyone Honey when she needed help with something and Sweetie when you did something right. If she just called out your name with no Honey or Sweetie everyone would look at you and wonder what you did  It was weird at first but once we learned the code it wasn't a big deal.
I've never had a male boss say these things to me and I think THAT would be awkward. | |
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voltagain
OklaPhoma
PeaNut 18,334
July 2001
Posts: 35,155
Layouts: 15
Loc: State of cultural confusion. Yeehaw and Aloha have collided!
 | Posted: 1/26/2013 7:08:04 PM
I'd prefer you not address me with an endearment unless we have a live together relationship going on.
If you don't know my name it is ok to by-pass calling me anything. Or ask me my name. If you don't know me well enough to remember my name you don't know me well enough to know if I'm your honey or not (I'm not!)
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kmk1112
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 11,642
February 2001
Posts: 7,917
Layouts: 66
Loc: Ohio
 | Posted: 1/26/2013 7:08:22 PM
If you are my mom, it is OK. If I am your customer or your coworker, it's not ok. I have specifically asked some male coworkers not to call me that. |
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ilovecookies
PeaAddict
PeaNut 506,197
April 2011
Posts: 1,999
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 1/26/2013 7:09:21 PM
Totally depends on context and/or tone. | |
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Rhondito
MississiPEA
PeaNut 40,147
June 2002
Posts: 23,620
Layouts: 2
Loc: Flowood, Mississippi
| Posted: 1/26/2013 7:14:08 PM
Some of my (male) customers call me sweetie and it pisses me off to no end.
Family and close friends - okay. Using those terms with a small child - okay.
Any other scenario - no. Just don't. |
Rhonda
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Spongemom Scrappants
HRH pilates teaching wino ball of fun
PeaNut 297,141
February 2007
Posts: 10,629
Layouts: 31
Loc: South Carolina
 | Posted: 1/26/2013 7:15:55 PM
I'm not particularly fond of using endearments with strangers - or even most mere acquaintances - but here in the south it's pretty common. Especially by store clerks and waitresses. |
Angie
Where the boys are... my new husband, my four sons and my boy cat.
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mishkismom
AncestralPea
PeaNut 163,728
August 2004
Posts: 4,212
Layouts: 41
Loc: Connecticut
 | Posted: 1/26/2013 7:21:23 PM
If you don't know my name ask me. Don't make one up. M'am is fine but sweetie or hun? Not if you aren't my Mom or my SO. I have no qualms about saying so in person either. |
Jan *********************************************
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JBeans
Tampons. Not just for Xmas ornaments anymore.
PeaNut 200,953
April 2005
Posts: 8,211
Layouts: 157
Loc: Between Diaperland and Snotsville
| Posted: 1/26/2013 7:24:27 PM
Family, sure. Strangers, please don't. |
Well Peas, I believe this thread has gone Thrusday.
"The Pot has not just met the Kettle, they are getting jiggy on the top of the stove." -Lanus | |
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SharlaG
Kingpin of something undisclosed, but important
PeaNut 88,246
May 2003
Posts: 36,346
Layouts: 0
Loc: Under a pile of dogs
| Posted: 1/26/2013 7:30:12 PM
Depends on the intent. |
--If you see someone crying, ask if it's because of their haircut.
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Sue_Pea
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 36,163
April 2002
Posts: 9,868
Layouts: 5
Loc: here, there and everywhere
| Posted: 1/26/2013 7:34:44 PM
Ugh. I hate being called dear, especially by strangers. Hate it. |
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bunnylady
PeaAddict
PeaNut 93,895
July 2003
Posts: 1,797
Layouts: 79
| Posted: 1/26/2013 8:01:26 PM
To me, it depends on the industry. An attorney at the law firm I used to work at? No way. Demeaning. The men in the oilfield services business that I now work in? Doesn't bother me a bit. They mean nothing bad by it, and it's a way for them to show that they see you as different from the steel-toe booted men they are used to dealing with. 
I can always tell if it's meant as an insult or not, so I am not generally bothered by it. When I sense it's an insult, I just reply with whatever I was going to say, and follow it up with "you got that, darlin'?" Usually puts a stop to it. |
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Darkchami
PeaAddict
PeaNut 473,951
July 2010
Posts: 1,140
Layouts: 56
| Posted: 1/26/2013 8:09:33 PM
It depends on the context. A male stranger probably couldn't get away with it. A little 80 year old woman could use those endearments with no problem. | |
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ScrapperandStamper
PeaNut
PeaNut 469,703
May 2010
Posts: 97
Layouts: 0
Loc: Ohio
| Posted: 1/26/2013 8:18:57 PM
It absolutely offends me, only my husband is permitted to use terms of endearment with me. I have complained at work, my manager was extremely supportive and when my coworker did not stop, disciplinary action was taken. When a customer says it? I suck it up and deal with it, I know I'm not spending 8-9 hours a day with them. | |
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LilBit1339
PeaNut
PeaNut 385,849
August 2008
Posts: 73
Layouts: 0
Loc: Texas
 | Posted: 1/26/2013 8:23:22 PM
I'd prefer you not address me with an endearment unless we have a live together relationship going on.
If you don't know my name it is ok to by-pass calling me anything. Or ask me my name. If you don't know me well enough to remember my name you don't know me well enough to know if I'm your honey or not (I'm not!)
^^^^what she said^^^^ |
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~*Laura*~
Ruby Slippered Pea
PeaNut 74,765
March 2003
Posts: 5,664
Layouts: 3
Loc: Over the Rainbow
| Posted: 1/26/2013 8:26:08 PM
I find it demeaning when someone younger than I am calls me "sweetie" or "hon". The other day I went into Best Buy to look for a new phone for my son and the girl standing at the security booth at the entry way door said to me "Hi, hon! How ya doin' today?!" It just grated on my nerves. When I left, she said something like, "Have a nice day, sweetie". To me that just lacks respect for someone older. I wouldn't mind being called "hon" or "sweetie" by someone older than I am, but I certainly don't want to hear it coming from someone half my age. |
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littlefish
Peain' in the Pool
PeaNut 78,065
March 2003
Posts: 16,352
Layouts: 139
Loc: Sunshine State
| Posted: 1/26/2013 8:41:42 PM
Depends.
I would've thought so most of the time, until I moved to the South, and realized it was something I'd just have to get used to. |
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TXDancermom
PeaFixture
PeaNut 146,748
May 2004
Posts: 3,671
Layouts: 1
| Posted: 1/26/2013 8:47:12 PM
having lived in the south for so many years, I have gotten used to it, usually it is used as "politeness". there have been a few times when it has made me uncomfortable...
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Really Red
Pea-ceful and Hap-pea
PeaNut 24,951
November 2001
Posts: 8,179
Layouts: 1
| Posted: 1/26/2013 8:59:46 PM
Really, unless it was my boss, it is not demeaning to me at all. To me, it is a comforting thing that a stranger would have nice words for me.
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Andrea
When one door of happiness closes, another opens; But often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.
Helen Keller | |
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~Alison~
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 268,398
July 2006
Posts: 2,566
Layouts: 4
Loc: New York
| Posted: 1/26/2013 9:28:17 PM
I don't like being called these kind of pet names by people I am not close to. If your not my mother, grandmother or significant other you don't get to call me that. Based on past experiences I can predict that nothing good is going to come after the mushy greeting. When women "sweetie" you it can come off as fake. If it's in a work setting it's very unprofessional. I had a married man on an Southwest airplane say to me "hey hun, is that seat taken" and then proceed to hit on me the entire flight while I'd tried to read and listen to my ipod. I'm thinking of switching gas stations because the gas attendent is always calling me these sorts of names and it's really making me uncomfortable. | |
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SuPeaNatural
PeaAddict
PeaNut 412,905
February 2009
Posts: 1,643
Layouts: 5
Loc: Queensland, Australia
| Posted: 1/26/2013 9:40:33 PM
When I get petrol at the local servo, my DGS like to go in and pay. The owner always used to call him "sweetie" and GS hated it. He said that was for girls and couldn't the guy see he was a boy? The last few months Mr Petrol Man has been calling him 'mate' which makes him happy because that's for men.
I don't mind 'sweetie', 'honey' or those types of names if I know you, but not so much from a stranger. It's just seems a bit too familiar from someone I don't know well or have just met. |
They're all crazy. They're all crazy except you and me. Sometimes I have my doubts about you! Martin - Dracula, 1931 | |
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*Delphinium Twinkle*
I'm just a pea:)
PeaNut 163,613
August 2004
Posts: 68,353
Layouts: 236
Loc: *Sunny Southern California*
| Posted: 1/26/2013 10:16:12 PM
As long as my boss isn't calling me that I'm good with it |
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ribbonjunkie
PeaNut
PeaNut 431,337
July 2009
Posts: 239
Layouts: 3
 | Posted: 1/26/2013 10:23:35 PM
I live in the south. I'm totally ok with the term. I got called baby girl today by my BIL. | |
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okiescrapgirl
PeaNut
PeaNut 551,174
April 2012
Posts: 91
Layouts: 1
Loc: Oklahoma
 | Posted: 1/26/2013 10:36:56 PM
I don't like it. It makes me uncomfortable unless it's from my mom or dh. |
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stefdesign
PhotoshoPEAholic
PeaNut 307,816
April 2007
Posts: 11,998
Layouts: 862
Loc: So Cal Gal Living in NJ
| Posted: 1/26/2013 10:38:36 PM
I'm not from the South, but it doesn't bother me a bit. Maybe it's because I'm past the years when I would have thought it was a chauvinistic put down. Of course, there might be times when I might find it slimy, depending on who, and the tone of voice. Now I'm just pleased that people address me with a term of endearment. Life is too short to be annoyed by things that are, for the most part, done innocently. |
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Kristalina
Never mind, I forgot what I was going to say.
PeaNut 40,938
June 2002
Posts: 8,444
Layouts: 45
Loc: Middle of the Monterey Bay - Ca.
| Posted: 1/26/2013 11:14:51 PM
I'm on the phone a lot for work and it really bothers me when a customer calls me hon or honey. I don't like it when customer service people use those terms either and have even asked them not to use it. |
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XOXO, Kristi . . . . . my Pinterest !
When you see crazy coming, cross the street! | |
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doesitmatter?
AncestralPea
PeaNut 509,811
May 2011
Posts: 4,870
Layouts: 21
| Posted: 1/27/2013 9:54:10 AM
I agree - depends on context and intent. But in general not something that I'd get my panties in a bunch over |
| Child of God, follower of Jesus, and so thankful for His presence in my life <>< | |
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~*~Jen~*~
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 219,004
August 2005
Posts: 2,118
Layouts: 8
Loc: New York
| Posted: 1/27/2013 10:01:10 AM
It definitely depends on the context. My former boss called me sweetie all the time. She was a backstabbing, micromanaging bitch on wheels. Apparently she thought that calling you sweetie while cutting you down softened the blow. It didn't. |
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eebud
Doxie Pea Mom
PeaNut 52,841
October 2002
Posts: 31,029
Layouts: 25
| Posted: 1/27/2013 10:08:12 AM
but here in the south it's pretty common. Especially by store clerks and waitresses.
This^^^ The waitresses are usually in diner type restaurants. Also, it almost always women using the terms, not men.
The tone they use tells me they are not using the term in a demeaning way. It is just what they have always done and they are being friendly; therefore, I don't get offended. If this were being said in a more professional environment, I wouldn't like it. |
 
Hans on left, Bud in middle, Gretchen on right | |
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prairie sentinel
PeaAddict
PeaNut 57,182
November 2002
Posts: 1,488
Layouts: 0
Loc: Alberta
| Posted: 1/27/2013 10:11:00 AM
I work in a school library where I see 570 kids on a weekly basis. I also work at our public library at the main circulation desk, so I see a ton of people there, too. Aaaaand, all three of my kids are involved in hockey/ringette and baseball/softball, so there are three more teams of kids and parents each season. Not to mention all the people I meet through my general life and through my dh and his job. My brain just can't handle that many names and faces, so at school, I generally refer to most kids whose name doesn't immediately jump to my lips as "Buddy". I thought it was a nice generic and friendly term, and more respectful somehow than dear or sweetie or honey. About a year ago, a little girl turned to me and said, "I am NOT a buddy. I am a GIRL"--so now I have 569 buddies and 1 Maya | |
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pennyring
Thrift Ninja
PeaNut 226,011
October 2005
Posts: 22,413
Layouts: 40
Loc: Rite Aid
| Posted: 1/27/2013 11:58:20 AM
The people who I speak to at work (my manufacturers) who are Southern talk that way. Doesn't bother me. I just figure they're Southern and that's how they do it.
We're from Seattle. Yeah, we don't talk that way. I think it's kind of cute/quaint when people do though.
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writermom1
Thrift Whisperer
PeaNut 114,407
November 2003
Posts: 22,325
Layouts: 66
Loc: At the intersection of Hooterville and Stars Hollow
| Posted: 1/27/2013 12:09:00 PM
Depends on tone.
When said with love, no.
When said with derision, certainly. |
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writermom1
Thrift Whisperer
PeaNut 114,407
November 2003
Posts: 22,325
Layouts: 66
Loc: At the intersection of Hooterville and Stars Hollow
| Posted: 1/27/2013 12:10:28 PM
About a year ago, a little girl turned to me and said, "I am NOT a buddy. I am a GIRL"--so now I have 569 buddies and 1 Maya
Or 569 buddies and one little witch. |
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Lovin_Life
PeaNut
PeaNut 508,803
May 2011
Posts: 42
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 1/27/2013 12:14:45 PM
If it is a peer that you just met and or stranger, then yes it could be. Some people just use those terms to everyone though, that's the catch.
Now if it is someone you have built a relationship with there is nothing wrong with it. Also, if it's an elderly person using the term I seem to be more understanding of it and it's more acceptable in our society. | |
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shannoninkc
PeaAddict
PeaNut 304,038
March 2007
Posts: 1,357
Layouts: 0
Loc: Where you vacation.
| Posted: 1/27/2013 12:19:09 PM
The only place it bugs me is when people use it on here, or facebook or wherever on the internets to be passive aggressive.
For example:
Listen, sweetie, you can say what you want but gall stones are not funny in my book. | |
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mamastew
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 190,156
February 2005
Posts: 2,420
Layouts: 14
Loc: DFW, Texas
| Posted: 1/27/2013 1:02:20 PM
Born and raised in the South and heard it all my life. I am a school teacher and use those terms daily with my students both boys and girls (I teach 5th grade!). I have never had a child or parent complain. Of course they know I am using it as a term or endearment.
It also doesn't mean I don't know their name. I use their name equally as much if not more.
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ePEAcenter
BucketHead
PeaNut 364,981
February 2008
Posts: 639
Layouts: 2
Loc: Texas Hill Country
 | Posted: 1/27/2013 1:07:14 PM
It's just being polite where I live. I like the sound of Southern charm and am sorry to see it fading away.
However, when used in the workplace or with sexual intent it is always inappropriate.
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kissmevodka
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 130,936
February 2004
Posts: 2,953
Layouts: 35
Loc: Canberra, Australia
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gmcwife1
SamFan
PeaNut 33,625
March 2002
Posts: 7,993
Layouts: 0
Loc: Washington State
| Posted: 1/27/2013 3:06:07 PM
I'm not from the South, but it doesn't bother me a bit.
Same here, but I'm not bothered by much
~ Dori ~
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KikiPEA
Pea, Glorious Pea
PeaNut 43,536
July 2002
Posts: 15,298
Layouts: 162
Loc: In the land of loss...weight loss, that is. 35.5 down, 10-15 to go! :D
| Posted: 1/27/2013 3:26:05 PM
NO |
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GrinningCat
Proudly Canadian
PeaNut 43,061
July 2002
Posts: 31,589
Layouts: 2
| Posted: 1/27/2013 4:09:27 PM
If anything, it's a sign of friendliness.
I'm sure it is, however it also implies an intimacy between us that is not there. If you are my cafeteria lady and you constantly call me "sweetie", "hun", "dear", or whatever and we have never had a relationship beyond you giving me my food, you are overstepping the boundaries of the relationship. If you are my intimate friend or family, then it's a different ball of wax entirely and more appropriate. | |
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juswannascrap
PeaAddict
PeaNut 317,184
May 2007
Posts: 1,357
Layouts: 0
Loc: Land of Lincoln
| Posted: 1/27/2013 5:18:31 PM
I'm not a big fan of endearments. I'd much rather be called by my name. Even my DH doesn't call me honey or sweetie.
One of the receptionists at work always calls me doll. As in Hey, doll, how are you? I don't know why but it just bugs me. It's so on the tip of my tongue to say, well, I'm not a doll but my name is S....... Though if I called her on it, I'd probably be the one in trouble. | |
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obsidian
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 300,909
March 2007
Posts: 2,154
Layouts: 1
Loc: Waikato
| Posted: 1/27/2013 5:30:57 PM
Context. If a stranger on the street calls me darling or honey then I assume it's like 'sugar' and I'm offended. Somebody I know who can't remember anyones names, fine. | |
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Ms. Liz
Practically Perfect in Every Way
PeaNut 199,404
April 2005
Posts: 6,616
Layouts: 2
Loc: deep in the hundred acre woods
| Posted: 1/27/2013 6:19:52 PM
I "sweetie" and "honey" my teenage DDs, and I usually end up doing it to their friends when they're over. Bad habit? Maybe. I didn't think it was so bad before this thread. I still don't think it's the worst thing in the world. Would you be offended if it was your friend's mom saying it?
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I eat my peas with honey. I've done it all my life.
It makes the peas taste funny, But it keeps them on the knife.
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AngieandSnoopy
Michel's Mom ~ Sugar Plum's Mummie
PeaNut 52,307
October 2002
Posts: 5,297
Layouts: 80
Loc: Land of Enchantment - Louisiana girl in a Southwest world.
| Posted: 1/27/2013 6:51:11 PM
I'm from Louisiana and it is normal to me. I don't actually use honey or sweetie but it sounds normal to me and I'm not offended UNLESS the person means it that way. Where I live now is populated by people who ARE Texans OR who have lived in Texas and it is normal here too. And surprisingly, where I work, there are two other people from Louisiana, one from north Louisiana like me and the other one from near Baton Rouge. |
Angie ~ Snoopy, Amanda, Michel, Davy, Benji, & Onkita - my fur kids!
Red, Black & Tan, & Double Dapple mini Dachshund's! Is it Snoopy or Snoopea?
Michel 9, Onkita 14, Jeannie the Chiweenie 14, and Sugar Plum 16 years!
  
   Fiskateer #2358 | |
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