|Posted: 1/30/2013 4:06:24 PM|
Didn't read all of the responses yet, but had to chime in. This was, perhaps, the MAIN reason my ex and I had disagreements (and split up). He had this unhealthy need to protect and enable everyone close to him, to the point where they'd be unable to get by in life. He needed to have them all depend on him (me, included). It was key when he said something in family therapy about, "Well, if they all grow up and go their separate ways then what am I left to do??" It made me sick. You should WANT your kids (and wife) to grow and flourish.
That being said, my kids were adults when we divorced. They were 18 and 20. They began going to college, but they'd drop out often enough. He'd never set boundaries and rules. They were allowed to stay home, not work and not contribute. How unhealthy is that?????? They knew deep down that that's a bad situation, but most kids would take advantage for a while.
I know that without goals and being pushed a bit, you could easily get depressed and have no self-worth. I still pray every day that they'll find it in themselves to push themselves to complete something (work, a job, a career, or finishing college). He'd let them slide forever!
Growing up, I tried to balance a lot of it for the kids. They gave back to the community, they had some chores, they had clear goals for their future, but when you're handed a free pass, you lose your will. Kids need direction and some boundaries to flourish.