Any PT working moms who decided to be SAHMs...

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Posted 1/28/2013 by pinkabella in NSBR Board
 

pinkabella
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Posted: 1/28/2013 4:43:34 PM
I'm curious if there are any of you out there who worked outside the home for a time but then decided to be totally SAHM? I have two toddlers (1 and 3.5) and am feeling a pull to just say forget the workforce for a while and let me focus on home and the kids during the day.

Right now, I'm working as a PT teacher, thinking that it will keep me connected to the workforce and give me some "adult" time. But at times it feels more like an inconvenience than anything. My 2.5 hour shift requires 5 hours of work. That's loading the kids up, getting them to the sitter, driving to work, teaching, and then picking them up afterwards. Not to mention that twice a week I teach evening classes, so we're not getting home til 10pm those days

Anyway, I am getting tired of it. I'd like to hear from others who made that kind of jump and what it felt like. Was it worth it? What did you get out of it and what did you give up?

Monica D
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Posted: 1/28/2013 6:09:50 PM

I wish I would have kept my foot in the door by working part time.


I totally agree. I've really enjoyed the last few years at home, but am finding it so hard to get a job after a long gap. If I could go back I don't know if I would have quit working entirely. The economy right now doesn't help, either.


-Monica


mightyme
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Posted: 1/28/2013 6:14:04 PM
I have worked pt off and on while raising kids. I never put them with a sitter. It was either dh or my mom. Many times i have thought it isnt worth hassle of having to get things done in the am so i could go to work for a few hours. Other times it was nice to work a bit but still be home when the kids got home.
You have to way the pros and cons.


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Luvnlifelady
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Posted: 1/28/2013 6:25:59 PM
I will advise what some others mentioned...keep your foot in the door for sure!

I took about 14 years off and just re-entered the work force fairly recently. Just to get a part-time job, I had to take offering few hours and low pay. I quit that after a year since they expected me to do far more than originally told to me.

It then took another 8 months to find something part-time and that job was just a fluke that landed in the right place at the right time. It's very hard to get back into it after taking time off.

I'm lucky I got to stay home, but financially, it wasn't the best move at all. Even if you're only working to put away social security or other retirement benefits, it's better than nothing.



Peabay
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Posted: 1/28/2013 6:30:29 PM
I worked part time as a psychologist after my first two daughters were born and then went to full time SAHM after my third was about 6 months old. My salary was barely paying for childcare and I just felt like I didn't want to do the grind any more. I, like you, really felt a pull to stay home. I've never regretted it. Ever. Sure, sometimes I missed being around adults during the day etc... but it was the best decision for our family.

And when I think I want to go back to work, I think of days like this morning: snow and ice and early dismissals etc.... and I think: "thank goodness I don't *have* to be somewhere."



IleneTell
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Posted: 1/28/2013 6:34:38 PM
I agree with the other...it's worth the 5 hours of work to keep your foot in the door and have something to show on your resume. If you want to go back to work in 10 or 20 years and there's a gap that big, chances are you'll be out of luck.



michele st
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Posted: 1/28/2013 7:40:54 PM
If you are only going to stay home for a few years , I say stay home you can't get this time back. When they go to school you can work part time.

CreativeEngineer
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Posted: 1/28/2013 7:44:21 PM
I never went part time because I knew I'd end up with a full time work load and only paid for part time hours. And I never quit because I knew I could never re enter the workforce at the level I'd leave.

But being a WOHM often sucks too.





~SuburbanMom~
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Posted: 1/28/2013 7:47:37 PM
I think you should stay home for a few years.... But not too long



cmpeter
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Posted: 1/28/2013 8:13:57 PM
I worked when my oldest was little. When he was almost 5 we had our second and I quit working when she was born. I went back to work full-time when she started Kindergarten.

For me, a large part was the child care I had when my oldest was born. My SIL was able to watch him, so I felt really comfortable leaving him as an infant with her (she came to our house.) When I had my dd, I was set to take a long international trip for work when I went back from maternity leave...I just couldn't bring myself to do it. It was too far and too long and I was too emotional.

Staying home for five years was great. I did start to go a little stir crazy when she stared Kindergarten. My previous employer had kept in touch and contacted me a few times to see if I wanted to come back. They contacted me again and the timing was right, so I said yes.


Cindi

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Posted: 1/28/2013 8:16:19 PM
I quit a job in museum work to mom. I have never regretted it.

Sure, I could not find work in that field now. And that is fine. I was lucky enough to find what I love even more than museum work. The life I have now is not the one I pictured it would be. Totally different in fact. But I have been able to do the things I think I was meant to do.


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Really Red
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Posted: 1/28/2013 8:23:22 PM
I have been FT outside the home, PT, outside, and PT in the home and a SAHM.

No question that my favorite was SAHM! There's a lot to do and it sometimes seems things multiply the older than get. Right now I am FT and it is too much for me. I am honestly ready to throw in the towel. I worked 32-36 hours a week last year and it was great. but for me, the best would be 24 hours. At this point I'd like to be outside the home (kids are in school), but home when they are home. For example, I got home at 9pm tonight. That's the earliest it will be all week. Then two tournaments this weekend, two Sunday practices and a Super Bowl Party.

Man! I can't do it all!


Andrea

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Luvnlifelady
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Posted: 1/28/2013 8:32:05 PM
Really Red-I really admire what you do. I recently returned to the workforce and it's hard juggling everything, even when only part-time. I still do at least 80% of the home stuff so it's really difficult.

I can't imagine how hard it would be with full-time hours. My ultimate job would be about 30 hours/week. Adding that extra 10 would really stretch us as a family. DH works an hour away, so he's of no help to shuttle the kids to and fro.



Jili
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Posted: 1/28/2013 8:50:15 PM
I've always worked full time since my girls were about 4-5 months old. My summer workload is very, very minimal, so I've been able to experience some of the best of both worlds.

I can see that it's much easier in many ways to stay home. By saying this I'm not putting down SAHM at all, but I find that when I'm home in the summer I'm able to handle home and car maintenance, laundry, grocery shopping, doctor appointments, and sick children with a lot less stress. I typically put in at least an hour if not 2-3 on work tasks each night, so there's that to think about. So much less of that in the summer. It is good for all of us.

But I continue to work full time, for the following reason.


I never went part time because I knew I'd end up with a full time work load and only paid for part time hours. And I never quit because I knew I could never re enter the workforce at the level I'd leave.


Not to mention the fact that we're still able to save somewhat decently for retirement and college while I'm working. The security of having two incomes is important to me, and I truly don't feel as if I've missed out on anything by being a WOHM.

I do have to say--having two young children like you do is very hard--but I've found that having older children has been more difficult in ways that I couldn't have imagined. They need me less in the physical, take-care-of-me sense. But managing their activities, making sure homework gets done, etc. sometimes makes me long for the days when they were small again when I had full control over every aspect of their lives. The grass is greener, and all that.

Best of luck to you as you make your decision, OP.


Jill

MrsScrapDiva
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Posted: 1/28/2013 10:34:41 PM

By saying this I'm not putting down SAHM at all, but I find that when I'm home in the summer I'm able to handle home and car maintenance, laundry, grocery shopping, doctor appointments, and sick children with a lot less stress. I typically put in at least an hour if not 2-3 on work tasks each night, so there's that to think about. So much less of that in the summer. It is good for all of us.



I don't read into this as putting down SAHMs but more of there has to be a balance. That fine balance between making your family happy but also finding something that is just as rewarding but for you. In the above poster's situation, I feel like you can and are willing to do it over the summer because you have a plan that works for you. The SAHM feeling is fun. But believe me, being a SAHM day in and day out for 8 years sometimes, but not always, makes me feel trapped, lonely and of course sad when I see the gap on my resume.

I have been a SAHM for 8 years and I wish I had gotten a part time job at some point but because of my dh's job situation out of state, I could not justify financially trying to hold down a job and do all the SAHM things.

I would try to keep something part time but maybe you could get change around your hours for something that better suits you? Staying home isn't always the answer and part time at least gives you a little of each. Could you teach classes online from home?

Jili
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Posted: 1/28/2013 10:53:48 PM

I don't read into this as putting down SAHMs but more of there has to be a balance. That fine balance between making your family happy but also finding something that is just as rewarding but for you. In the above poster's situation, I feel like you can and are willing to do it over the summer because you have a plan that works for you. The SAHM feeling is fun. But believe me, being a SAHM day in and day out for 8 years sometimes, but not always, makes me feel trapped, lonely and of course sad when I see the gap on my resume.

I have been a SAHM for 8 years and I wish I had gotten a part time job at some point but because of my dh's job situation out of state, I could not justify financially trying to hold down a job and do all the SAHM things.


Yes, this makes a lot of sense. It is so hard to find the balance that works. I am very ready to go back to work full time by the end of the summer, but wish things would be just a tad easier to manage once I am back in the swing of things. You bring up another good point. My dh doesn't travel for his work. He's a significant part of how I am able to facilitate WOH on a full time basis and parenting. I truly don't think it would be possible for me to do what I do. If he was a different person or his job situation was different--I might have a very different perspective on working full time. This is something else for the OP to consider, as well. Are you getting the support you need?


Jill

SabrinaM
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Posted: 1/28/2013 11:03:23 PM
SIL was out of teaching for 7 years (as a SAHM) when she went back to work teaching. She had kept in contact with her previous coworkers and subbed from time to time. She had no problem at all getting a job when she was ready.


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tania7424
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Posted: 1/28/2013 11:07:15 PM
Up until school started I was working PT, and I'm a SAHM now. My salary was barely covering childcare and it just felt like more hassle than it was worth. I traded working PT for becoming very involved in DS's school and getting adult interaction that way. It's not all about our kids. We're real adult friends now too. My youngest isn't in school at all yet and loves having me home. I like that I'm able to be home for him, and I'm the one doing the dropping off and picking up for my oldest for school. DS2 is able to do rec centre programs during the day that he couldn't in daycare and I still get a break for a few hours each week. It's honestly the best decision we made. I can be the mom I want to be. I was going to work under the guise of financial benefits, but really, there were none.




IleneTell
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Posted: 1/28/2013 11:09:40 PM

She had kept in contact with her previous coworkers and subbed from time to time.


That's a good example of someone keeping her foot in the door.



*~*amanda*~*
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Posted: 1/28/2013 11:15:49 PM
I did in August!

I was a SAHM for many years, then divorced and had to start working again. I worked full time for about 5 years.

Ive always wanted to be at home with my kids but being a single mom I didn't have the choice to do so.

About a year ago I went to my boss and asked to cut back on my work hours and she was totally ok with it.

I went from working 715 - 415 to working 7-230. I was off in time to pick up my older kids from school and be home with them after school and all evening. It worked really really well for all of us.

Then I just totally left in August of 2011 and have been home full time since then.

Im so glad. Im happier, kids are happier, and dh is happier.

What have we given up? We've given up some fun money but really we're better off financially with me NOT working.

We eat out less, the amount we spend on gas for my car has decreased, and the benefits to the kids isn't able to be measured! One of my kids was having behavior issues while I was working, related to his ADHD. Since Ive been home Ive been able to take more time to spend with him and work through some of the issues and he is doing much better in school now.

Its just really worked for us.



*~*amanda*~*
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Posted: 1/28/2013 11:22:26 PM

SIL was out of teaching for 7 years (as a SAHM) when she went back to work teaching. She had kept in contact with her previous coworkers and subbed from time to time. She had no problem at all getting a job when she was ready.


That's not the norm. If you absolutely leave teaching it is hard to get back into it.



peasful1
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Posted: 1/28/2013 11:33:13 PM
I SAH for 10 years, worked PT for 4 and am back to SAH.

Quitting is the best thing I ever did. It's been a year this month. Even the kids noticed how much happier I was. Every Jan I would get my W2 and see just how much all that stress and unhappiness wasn't worth. Just got my W2 for the short time I worked in Jan and was once again reminded that I did the right thing.


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SDeven
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Posted: 1/28/2013 11:36:12 PM
I did it when ds was 4. I worked hard, tried desperately to do it all for 4 years but it was just too much. We are all happier and better off w me at home. (DS is about to turn 17.)






megmc
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Posted: 1/29/2013 12:54:59 AM
I got a part time job, it threw us into a whole new tax bracket. I ened up paying just about more in taxes than I earned, plus the whole wear and tear on the car, make-up, clothes, babysitter. It was just not worth it.

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