|Posted: 1/28/2013 8:25:17 PM|My grandma is in patient in a hospice. I know it is her time to go and I have made peace with it although it really tears my heart out. I am her medical power of attorney and we are super super close. I lived with her for 6 years and took care of her before I needed to put her into assisted living last January. It has been a bumpy ride for her between having her gallbladder removed, pneumonia and falling and breaking her shoulder last month. She told me on Saturday that my mom who died in 1999 and Jesus were by her bed. It was such a tender moment.
She had 3 children. My mom and 2 boys. Her 2 sons have been awful to her and can't forgive her for mistakes she made. They just won't forgive and it's pretty small things. Anyway they haven't cared at all when she went through all of her health issues. None of them ever came to visit her.
Now that they gave her days to live and not 1-3 months like they said after she broke her shoulder, they are deciding whether to come or not. I talked to the grief counselor today and she said a lot of grief and pain comes when you don't resolve those issues. My uncles hate me too and I am okay with that but I pray that just this once their hearts will be softened to my grandma. That they will come and see her. She needs to know that they are okay to pass to the other side. I really think that is what she is holding out for.
She is super weak but they were able to get an IV in her. I decided to have them not give her oral meds. She keeps choking on them. Even if they are in food. She is choking and coughing up blood even with a little sip of water. Luckily the morphine is helping her pain. I know she knows who I am and when I mentioned melting some chocolate for her tomorrow she got so excited. She didn't say anything but her face and hands did. My cousin is flying in from Reno on Friday. That was the soonest he could leave with work and school.
Her hospice place is in Phoenix and one of her sons is in Tucson. The other in Washington. I can't imaging the pain that it brings a mother's heart to not hear from her children. I pray just this once that they can come and see her. Then she can go in peace.
I am exhausted and haven't slept in who knows when. I am blessed that they have little casitas at the hospice on site. So I can stay there and so can my cousin when he comes. I am going to be once again planning the funeral, figuring out her burial arrangements, contacting the mortuary, etc. I am doing this all alone and it's super hard.
Also as a side note I am grateful that my grandma had pre paid for her burial plot right next to my mom. I wasn't happy when she bought it because my mom had just died but now I am SO grateful. Costs have doubled since 1999. So if you can at all it is a blessing to have your plot and headstone taken care of.
I love my sweet grandma so much. She has taught me and molded me in so many ways. From the simple like her love for chocolate to the deeper ones like my faith in Christ. I am so grateful for her. I hope she knows how much I love her and how much she means to me.
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
|Posted: 1/28/2013 8:29:32 PM|
You have my respect as ive walked that road. I know just how hard yet rewarding to know you've done all you can!
pea'rific teacher Union President
Loc: Western NY
|Posted: 1/28/2013 8:31:01 PM|
So very sorry. Please tell your grandma that YOU give her permission to go...that you will be ok. That might be what she is hanging on for. Not her sons. I saw my gram the night before she died...I told her I loved her and it would be ok....
|Posted: 1/28/2013 8:32:24 PM|
Why, YES!, I am a princess.
|Posted: 1/28/2013 8:33:22 PM|
I'm sorry. I hope your dear grandmother has a gentle passing and that you feel peace knowing she will be in a much better place and that this is just a fond farewell until you meet again.
Loc: Heading for the Wild, Wild West
|Posted: 1/28/2013 8:33:47 PM|
My prayers are with you and your grandmother at this time. Hang in there and be sure to take the time to take care of yourself.
Loc: Chicago NW burbs
|Posted: 1/28/2013 8:34:34 PM|
Sending good thoughts to you and your family during this difficult time. I am sorry you are going through this.
|Posted: 1/28/2013 8:39:33 PM|
Thank you all. I told her on Saturday that if it was her time to go that I would be okay. I really think she is waiting for her sons. The grief counselor today said it is very common for someone to be waiting until someone gets by their bedside and then they die. If her sons don't come I will know I truly did all I could. I still just love that she perked up about the chocolate.
Peaing From Podunk
Loc: North Dakota
|Posted: 1/28/2013 8:44:13 PM|
You're in my prayers.
Love Letters Pea
Loc: Nashville, TN!
|Posted: 1/28/2013 8:45:59 PM|
Praying for you and her this evening. May peace surround you.
PEA-T-A-Mom's kitteh is a fraidy cat.
Loc: Wherever my little mind takes me
|Posted: 1/28/2013 8:47:28 PM|
Your grandma has a wonderful granddaughter who is by her side. You'll get through this sad time and you'll know that you showed your grandma great love. Just keep reassuring her that her loved ones are fine and that she can go in peace. I'm so very sorry.
Loc: Fergus, Ontario
|Posted: 1/28/2013 8:49:51 PM|
I'm so sorry she has reached this stage.
May her passing be peaceful, and hugs to you!
PEAsed to be here
|Posted: 1/28/2013 9:05:40 PM|
Praying that the God of all comfort will surround you both with his peace during this time of goodbye. Rest in the knowledge that you have loved your grandmother well and been loved by her. Hugs.
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
Loc: Metro Atlanta
|Posted: 1/28/2013 9:13:00 PM|
I am so sorry. I know the heartbreak of losing a grandmother that means the world to you. I understand the pain of wanting to heal the ache in your grandmothers heart that is caused by the actions of others. I pray that her sons will get there and make peace with her. If it does not happen, you just know and remember that you did everything in your power to try to make it happen. Your grandmother has been blessed to have you for a granddaughter. The two of you have made some beautiful memories through the years that you will be able to hold tight and treasure for the rest of your days.
So much of what you write about you and your grandmother reminds me of my grandmother and the relationship I had with her. My grandmother also taught me and molded me into the person that I am today. She was also deeply religious. As you talk about your precious DGM my heart aches for you and what you are going through. I admire your deep devotion to this special lady who means so much to you. I will be praying for you, your grandmother, your cousin and your uncles. (((HUG)))
Sit. Stay. Pea!
Loc: It's dark in here......I can't see a thing!
|Posted: 1/28/2013 9:31:13 PM|I am very sorry. If your grandma wants to see her sons, I hope she gets to, and may she have a peaceful passing. My condolences during this difficult time.
Who has my six? Anyone??
Loc: the left side of the right coast
|Posted: 1/28/2013 9:42:56 PM|
For sure I will be thinking of you.
Just remember that this moment in time will pass. It's hard to go on day-to-day, but it's not a permanent situation. Keep reminding yourself of that and yes; you may have to live on very little sleep for this time period. As someone who's BTDT, believe me that you will do it and you will function better than you think you will.
Your grandmother DOES know how much you care for her, because you're there. I agree that she does need your permission to "let go when she's ready." Tell her that everything will be fine, that you'll take care of (whoever/whatever she's been concerned about). I wouldn't expect your uncles to show up and it's up to you if/how you decide to address that with her. It may be best that they not; who knows what they'd say to her? But yes, they should have the opportunity to say goodbye if they choose.
Good luck and ((HUGS)) to you. It's not an easy road that you're walking.
|Posted: 1/28/2013 9:45:20 PM|
You are in my prayers. Your grandma is lucky to have you by her side.
|Posted: 1/28/2013 9:54:23 PM|
I am so, so sorry for what youre going through right now. My heart is just breaking for you.
I do hope that your Grandma can find some kind of peace with the issues with your uncles.
I do agree with Christine...YOU talk to her and YOU tell her its ok to let go.
I will absolutely say some prayers for you.
Loc: Big Bottom Valley
|Posted: 1/28/2013 10:34:50 PM|
Peace to you and your entire family.
Sugar Snap Pea
|Posted: 1/28/2013 10:51:33 PM|
I know how difficult this stage is, and I wish you strength and peace.
Pea-ceful and Hap-pea
|Posted: 1/28/2013 10:57:01 PM|I am sorry. I hope and pray her sons will find it in them to give her peace.
|Posted: 1/28/2013 11:01:48 PM|
Sending you and your grandmother prayers of comfort and peace.
PEAring through my camera lens
|Posted: 1/28/2013 11:18:56 PM|
Praying for you, for your grandma, and for your family, that your uncles' hearts will be softened. My sincere sympathies.
I thought this was an autonomous collective
|Posted: 1/28/2013 11:24:44 PM|
My thoughts are with you. It's never easy when a beloved family member passes, even if it's expected.
Loc: Mesa, Arizona
|Posted: 1/28/2013 11:31:58 PM|
Hugs and prayers!! Its so hard! I just went through this with my grandpa. He was in hospice in Utah. I was able to see him and hug him before he passed. He passed the day after I got back home in Phoenix!
Old Dogs are Best!
Loc: With my dogs
|Posted: 1/28/2013 11:59:54 PM|
Prayers for your family at this time. I am so very sorry. Death either pulls families together or spins them apart.
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
Loc: Northern California
|Posted: 1/29/2013 2:24:37 AM|
Peace be with you and your grandma.
|Posted: 1/29/2013 6:14:01 AM|
Sending my best. May she pass in peace and surrounded by love.
Shih Tzu Mommy
Million dollar camera, 10 dollar lock!
Loc: Right here
|Posted: 1/29/2013 6:19:41 AM|
Just know that she will have peace regardless of her two horrible boys not coming to see their dying mother, so I hope YOU have peace in that.
Hugs to you, I know this is terribly difficult for you on so many levels!
|Posted: 1/29/2013 6:22:43 AM|
one of my biggest fears as a parent is that my children will hold against me the mistakes I made. I was not and am not a perfect parent, but I pray they knew I tried and I loved them with all my heart. God bless you for your efforts. I will keep your family in my prayers. Please don't forget to take a bit of time for yourself.. even if its just to grab a cup of coffee with a friend. Take care of you so you can take care of her.
Loc: At the intersection of Hooterville and Stars Hollow
|Posted: 1/29/2013 11:52:50 AM|
Prayer sent that she may have comfort and peace and may you - and your uncles - have that as well.
I'm so sorry.
Making the WWW better, one post at a time.
Loc: up on my high horse
|Posted: 1/29/2013 11:55:38 AM|
I'm so sorry. I know this has been weighing on you for a long while.
Just b/c she says her DSs have not been good to her and it was over something small doesn't make it so. There are two sides to every story and they may have good reason for not being there. Be there for her but don't make this about castigating or judging them. I've seen this IRL too many times to count.
You have been very good to her and I hope you both have comfort in that.
|Posted: 1/29/2013 12:13:07 PM|
I have tears in my eyes. Your post touched me. You are a wonderful person for taking care of your grandmother. When you said that your Grandmother could see your mom and Jesus.... I believe that!! When my friend was in hospice (she was only 33 yrs. old) she told her dh that she could hear the angels singing. I find these statements so powerful and comforting. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
|Posted: 1/29/2013 12:16:13 PM|
I am so sorry you are going through this. I was close to my grandma, not like you, but we had a special bond. She passed away in November after a hospice term.
You are in my thoughts.
Loc: Out here in the middle...
|Posted: 1/29/2013 1:34:59 PM|
I wish I could give you a hug. Truly.
She is incredibly lucky to have you with her.
I'll be thinking of you both.
|Posted: 1/29/2013 1:37:27 PM|
I've walked in these shoes recently; my prayers are with you.
Resident Smart Ass
|Posted: 1/29/2013 1:46:11 PM|
You are honoring your relationship with her by being there during these precious days. Hang in there. This is what they mean by "neverending love." You won't lose that no matter what the future.
The saddest thing in life is wasted talent.
Loc: Florida, for now.
|Posted: 1/29/2013 1:47:08 PM|
I'm so sorry you are going through a very difficult time. Wishing you much peace as you continue to look after your grandma.
|Posted: 1/29/2013 1:56:23 PM|
(((hugs))) I am praying.
luv my bulldoggies
|Posted: 1/29/2013 10:02:18 PM|
So sorry for all that's happening!!! Prayers and ((( hugs )))!
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
Loc: Metro Atlanta
|Posted: 1/29/2013 10:16:31 PM|
I believe it to. Not long before my DGM passed away, she sit straight up in bed and said, "Stand up, stand up straight. Jesus is here". I know in my heart that she was not alone when she went home. Your Grandmother will not be alone when she makes her journey home.
When you said that your Grandmother could see your mom and Jesus.... I believe that!! When my friend was in hospice (she was only 33 yrs. old) she told her dh that she could hear the angels singing. I find these statements so powerful and comforting.
I have been thinking about you and your GM today, wondering how you are doing. Continuing to pray for you both and for her sons hearts to be opened in time to make peace with her. (((HUG)))
|Posted: 2/2/2013 8:42:16 PM|
Once again you peas have brought such comfort. I am humbled by it. I hope one day I can provide peace and comfort also. It helps because I am trying to process this all. I am not talking to a lot of people but just having the peas there brings me comfort. I am sorry for all of your losses. I know our grief is because we love!
Loc: Southern, CA
|Posted: 2/3/2013 12:47:00 AM|[[Hugs]] and prayer as well. I have walked your road as well. I think for what its worth that you have been a great granddaughter and friend to your grandmother .
peaing from my beach room
Loc: Northern Indiana...Fighting Irish Country
|Posted: 2/3/2013 12:58:25 AM|
as a grandmother to the three greatest loves of my life, my grandkids are always by my side. weather its the ER, office visit or appointmtn with a specialist, they are with me, IAM NEVER ALONE