Did you automatically expect/assume your kids would go to college?

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Posted 1/30/2013 by devildog in NSBR Board
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PeaNut 172,765
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Posted: 1/30/2013 9:28:55 AM
My dd is graduating 8th, and will be entering high school in the fall. We're at the point in the year where there's a lot of things going on with graduation/high school preparedness.

We have the first freshman parent/student orientation next week, and we're going to be given the class placements, and we also need to let the high school know if our kid will be taking any summer school classes.

I was excited that my dd said she wanted to take a required class in the summer to open up an elective spot freshman year. Freshman don't get an automatic elective, that starts sophomore year. Her plan is to take an art class then during the year.

THEN...she tells me she doesn't want to go to college, but wants to go to beauty school when she graduates. Not going to lie, it sorta took me by surprise.

I know she's only 14, and things can definitely change as she grows, but I don't know...in a way she doesn't strike me as a gung-ho college student.

What's happened when your kids reached that age?


FYI--That avatar is NOT me; it's NOT my DH; it's NOT my father; and, I'm NOT related to him by blood or marriage. It's just a dude...wearing a Wal-Mart bag.

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PeaNut 156,993
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Posted: 1/30/2013 9:31:15 AM
Yes, it's an automatic assumption my kids will go to school.

In your case, wait it out and see if she changes her mind. If she doesn't, I think I'd at least encourage an AA in business so that if she ever wants to open her own business, she has some business education under her belt.

Oh No!

PeaNut 82,790
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Posted: 1/30/2013 9:32:43 AM
Yes. We talked about it from the time they were babies. They knew they needed it. And we're almost done.

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PeaNut 224,352
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Posted: 1/30/2013 9:33:46 AM
Yes, we did/do, however our senior is considering deferring college for a year and doing a gap year program. Which, surprisingly to me, is quite a bit more expensive than a year of college would be. But he is not 100% sure about which of two very different paths he wants to go down and belives a gap year focusing one semester on each would help him decide.

But there was never a question of them getting at least their BA/BS and hopefully move straight to a graduate program.

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Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 479,777
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Posted: 1/30/2013 9:34:28 AM
Yes. I don't think my kids know that it's optional. My oldest is the same age as your DD, and he talks all the time about "when I go to college..." He's not 100-percent sure what he wants to be, but he knows college is part of it.


PeaNut 127,529
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Posted: 1/30/2013 9:39:02 AM
Yes, since they were babies.

Maybe you can find her some enrichment classes for high school students at your local university or community college, such as idTech Camp, which is national, or something like First Bytes at University of Texas. If she likes art, 3D computer animation is a hugely growing field.


PeaNut 452,927
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Posted: 1/30/2013 9:41:48 AM
It was "Where will you go".. not "If you go"... however, #1DS blew his chance.. he was just NOT ready.. we sent him to a 2year CC because knowing that he was not a great student, I wasn't about to sink thousands of dollars not knowing how committed he would be.. and I was right.. notice I said he wasn't a great "student".. however,, he IS smart.. and once he matured a bit, and watched his sister breeze through 4 years of college, he then realized what he missed.. he returned on his own to school and was earning great grades.. he is sooo well read, and devours books, so I knew he had it in him.. some kids (and it may be the fault of us parents, for somehow babying them, or whatever, I believe in taking credit both good and bad for how my children turn out).. they are just not ready at 17/18 years of age for the college...

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 150,880
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Posted: 1/30/2013 9:42:03 AM
Yea. That isn't an option here.

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PeaNut 172,765
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Posted: 1/30/2013 9:45:22 AM
I wanted to add/clarify--I don't think there's anything wrong with trade schools/beauty schools. I guess I just took it that my kids would automatically go to college.


FYI--That avatar is NOT me; it's NOT my DH; it's NOT my father; and, I'm NOT related to him by blood or marriage. It's just a dude...wearing a Wal-Mart bag.

"May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your crotch and may your arms be too short to scratch." TheSeaBee&Me, 5/20/2009

I love the smell of drama in the morning!

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PeaNut 51,520
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Posted: 1/30/2013 9:47:07 AM
Neither DH nor I have a degree, and none of our parents really pushed us to get one, so we also have been discussing this with our kids since they were young. DH got his helicopter maintenance certificate but didn't end up in the field. I did a business certificate.

We have talked about university or a trade like it's just what you do - there is no other option. A trade or a degree, doesn't matter to us. We want them to do better than we did. So far I think DD has her sights set on being a Chartered Accountant, which I think is awesome.

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Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 210,654
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Posted: 1/30/2013 9:47:37 AM
My BFF made the decision your daughter is looking at now, but her parents insisted on the business AA for the reasons a PP stated.

She is the head colorist at a very nice salon in a very nice area of CT. Even if this is what she wants a degree isn't a bad idea in most situations. One of her co-workers worked as a stylist while getting her accounting degree.


I just don't see why people think I'm too patronizing (that means I treat them as if they were stupid.)

Be gentle; I'm a delicate little flower

PeaNut 172,765
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Posted: 1/30/2013 9:47:51 AM
Trust me, this has been a discussion in our family for a long, long time. We've stressed the importance of getting that college degree, this took me by total surprise.


FYI--That avatar is NOT me; it's NOT my DH; it's NOT my father; and, I'm NOT related to him by blood or marriage. It's just a dude...wearing a Wal-Mart bag.

"May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your crotch and may your arms be too short to scratch." TheSeaBee&Me, 5/20/2009

I love the smell of drama in the morning!

Peaing From Podunk

PeaNut 45,443
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Posted: 1/30/2013 9:49:19 AM
My kids had it drilled in to them from the time they were babies. College was not optional at our house.


Mother Goose's Meandering Mind


PeaNut 337,614
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Posted: 1/30/2013 9:49:46 AM
It isn't an option in our house. They will go to college!

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 9,019
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Posted: 1/30/2013 9:49:58 AM
college is NOT optional here. At the VERY LEAST he will get an Associates degree from a CC but he already knows (14 and 8th grade) that we pretty much expect a masters degree. he is interested in engineering and we encourage him. He understands to live the lifestyle he wishes to have that he will need an education. He has plenty of examples in his life of people who *didn't* do what they needed to do. My brother went to CC/trade school and makes good money. I wouldn't totally discount that for a kid that is interested in those fields of study.



PeaNut 172,235
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Posted: 1/30/2013 9:50:21 AM
I think our version of college is different to yours so with that said, I expected them to stay in education until they were 18 at least - is that counted as college? One DD is now at university (studying just one subject for 3 years whch I think is different to how it is there) and the other is also studying a university course via a different method.

Today, I will be colouring outside the lines.


PeaNut 15,108
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Posted: 1/30/2013 9:51:59 AM
I assume they will go to college. The kids who are in school already are skilled at and interested in school, and higher education is important to dh and to me.

Of course that doesn't mean that if a child ended up wanting to do something else, I wouldn't be supportive. And a 14-year-old can go through a lot of phases of figuring out who she wants to be.

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 289,166
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Posted: 1/30/2013 9:52:02 AM
I expect both kids to go to college. They will probably start at the junior college level due to finances and now grades for DD.

She started out high school going gangbusters but now in 10th grade, her grades are lackluster at best. She's a good kid, involved in band, babysitting, etc. but the drive just isn't there consistently to do her best.

I only have a 2 year degree and it's my biggest life regret. I recently returned to the workforce to help family finances and could be earning much more if I had a 4 year degree.

We also ran into a marriage crisis awhile back and I really felt vulnerable without my degree. I want the kids to have options and to never feel like they are stuck in any situation based on earning potential.

I wouldn't mind if DD wanted to do beauty school along with a 4 year degree. She has a friend that went the beauty school route and she seems happy but as a mom, I would worry about the situation long-term.

What if everything is an illusion & nothing exists

PeaNut 82,319
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Posted: 1/30/2013 9:53:54 AM
Yes, my husband and I automatically assume our kids will go to college and we will encourage them to go to graduate school depending on what their degree/career path is in. My parents did not go. It was something that was just instilled in my brother and I when we were younger because that is a path that my dad regrets not taking.

I do not see anything wrong with going to a trade school or some other form of apprenticeship. If my kids opt to go that route, we will make sure that they understand how lucrative (or not) those career paths may be (depending on their skill level, etc.), as well as other factors.

Either way, I want them well informed, successful, and I want them happy in what they choose to do in life.


PeaNut 463,295
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Posted: 1/30/2013 9:58:38 AM
In 8th grade I didn't want to go to college either. Most 8th graders don't. lol. She'll get over it, I am sure. Just keep reminding her that she needs an education to fall back on and to have a successful business. If all else fails show her some frat parties and the fun aspects of college. She'll change her mind for sure!



PeaNut 574,604
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Posted: 1/30/2013 9:59:14 AM
No, not really.

Although we both have advanced degrees and loved college, we are the only people in both of our families to go to college and we can readily see how other choices can lead to lives as good or better than our own in terms of happiness and tangible rewards. We see that our relatives who didn't go to a 4 year college have perfectly happy lives, are often more satisfied in their careers, and in quite a few cases, make far more money than we do (which has enabled them to live in nicer houses, go on nicer vacations, retire far earlier, etc).

Also the job I enjoyed the most in my life was not the ones in my field that required college plus an advanced degree. It was a job I got -- in desperation -- when my dh was transferred and there were no jobs in my field. That job required nothing more than a high school diploma and a specific skill I'd learned from my grandmother. To my surprise, I loved it and it taught me that I personally could have been perfectly happy without 6 years of college.

Given the cost of college today, I do not consider it viable for us to send our kids to college just for love of learning. Sad, but true. So we looked at college as a means to an end -- will college enable our kids to lead the kind of life they want to lead? If so, then we will do anything in our power to help them go to and succeed at college. If not, then we will do everything in our power to help them on their perfectly valid alternate path.

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 26,836
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Posted: 1/30/2013 10:01:21 AM
It's very important to us that they go to college, and we have always talked to them as if it is a given that they will go to college.

We never say they absolutely have to, but we say things like "Next year is middle school for 4 years, then high school for 4 years, and then college." or "If you study XYZ when you are in college it will help you to become a BCD (Whatever the future career of the day is).".

We have recently pointed out the locations of every single local college to DS #1 (Age 9), because right now he is convinced that he is never moving out. That he wants to live with us forever. (We'll remind him of that when he's about 17. ) So no matter what future he is currently imagining, we will make just 1 or 2 remarks about how that future will work well with some aspect of college.

Now, realistically, we know he may indeed opt not to go. But we will certainly make sure he knows the ramifications of that choice and that he has another plan in place to move forward with his life.

I hope that doesn't happen, but I also know that he will be an adult then and I certainly cannot force him to go.

We live in a district where the vast majority of students do go to college, so we'll have "peer pressure" so to speak actually on our side in this regard. It's easier to be excited about college when everyone else in your class is excited and prepping for it as well.

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 26,836
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Posted: 1/30/2013 10:03:08 AM

I don't think my kids know that it's optional.
I think that may be the case with my DS as well right now.
I believe that he simply thinks it is the next step after high school, different only in that he gets to choose the college as opposed to being told which middle or high school to attend.


PeaNut 434,842
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Posted: 1/30/2013 10:08:12 AM
It's something I expect. But to make sure DD and I are on the same page, we also talk about it. She's 8, so we've talked about what she "wants to be when she grows up". She had a few ideas, but for a while now, has settled on being a veterinarian. So we looked up what that entails together - college, then veterinary school. I also talk to her about how my job and her father's job required a college education.

If/when she changes her mind about what she wants to do in her future, we will look up what type of education that career requires. And we'll look at things like employability, average salary, etc. I want her to be realistic about the choices she's making and know full well what she's getting into. If I know she's making choices that are well-thought out, I will support them and (when she's older) trust that she knows what's best for her...and of course be there to offer support and advice, if she needs it.

So I guess it is an expectation that is backed up by lots of talks, discussions, and factual research.

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 218,176
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Posted: 1/30/2013 10:20:53 AM
My oldest DD, who is now in 1st year at university, want to be a manicurist when she was in middle school. She loved painting her nails (and she was pretty darned good at it), doing french manicures, etc. So, although I wasn't thrilled about it... we've had a RESP since she was a year old and both DH and I were expecting her to go to university, we never made a big deal out of it.

After a few years, maybe when she was in grade 9 or so - which isn't high school here - we had a chat about the kind of lifestyle she wanted to live.... there was lots of travel in her plans, shopping, being "in style" with the latest stuff, etc etc... Then I showed her data our provincial labour department publishes by occupation. We were able to see exactly how many people were working in the province as a manicurist (or maybe it was esthetician, I can't remember), what % were able to work full time at that occupation (about half), what the average wage per hour was (just over minimum wage at the time), etc.

Then I showed her even if she was able to get full time work how much of an annual salary that would work out to being..... Then we did up a rough "cost of living" based on the lifestyle she wanted to have...... let me say the gap between what she could earn as an esthetician and what she would need to live the lifestyle she wanted was big enough to drive a truck through. (like $20K vs. $50K)

So then we had a talk about sometimes if the things you do for fun become your job, they're not as much fun anymore, they're work..... At the time I had a retail scrapbooking store and 5 part time employees. One was a SAHM but the other 4 worked full time and did a few shifts in the evening/weekend. They got to hang around what was their hobby/passion and they got an employee discount on product (most of their paychecks went back into purchases). Even if I could have hired someone full time (which I didn't need) they couldn't have worked there earning that small amount.

So we talked about finding a job that you find rewarding, pays well enough to support the lifestyle you want and then you can dabble in your hobbies on your off time. Then, when your interests change, that's not your whole career down the tubes. I haven't scrapped a single page since I sold my store and don't think I could have maintained the interest passion I had for it initially for years and years.

Just a few thoughts for you.

Dalai Mama
La Pea Boheme

PeaNut 49,641
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Posted: 1/30/2013 10:22:09 AM
It's never been offered as optional.

Jo Mama


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Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 87,597
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Posted: 1/30/2013 10:26:17 AM
My kids are great students (4th 8th 10th grades) and so far plan to go to college. But they will be adults, so it is really their decision not ours. With the cost of college so high, I think there will be the occasional student that is very smart but may have to work first to save for college.

I am 99% sure that mine will still want to go when they graduate. They look at it as 4 yrs. they can put off working.


PeaNut 17,063
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Posted: 1/30/2013 10:28:01 AM
Yes we did. It's what people in our families, especially DH's family, do starting with DH's father and his brothers there has been someone in the family in college since 1910.

I know many tradesmen with CC degrees who lead very interesting lives -- imagine an airplane mechanic who restores and delivers small planes all over the world -- and that would be fine with me for a child BUT it would be a huge disappointment if that child was not well read, could not discuss history and philosophy and could not discern facts from fallacy. Those are the most important things one learns at college and university. We used to call them a Renaissance man

A renaissance man or polymath is a person who is skilled in multiple fields or multiple disciplines, and who has a broad base of knowledge. The term renaissance man is largely based on the various artists and scholars of the European Renaissance, (starting in about 1450 CE), who pursued multiple fields of studies. Perhaps the quintessential renaissance man of this period was Leonardo Da Vinci, who was a master of art, an engineer, an anatomy expert (for the time), and also pursued many other disciplines with great success and aplomb.

The term polymath predates renaissance man and is from the Greek polymathes. To thinking men like Plato, and then Aristotle, the idea of 'having learned much,' the literal translation of the Greek word, was extremely important. Aristotle, in his diverse writings, strongly advocated that people who would choose to study rhetoric should be well versed in a variety of fields, since this gave them the opportunity to comment on a variety of situations, and develop 'commonplaces,' short prepared remarks that could be used in extemporaneous speech.


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PeaNut 393,905
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Posted: 1/30/2013 10:33:39 AM
We aren't at that point with school yet.

I do expect all 4 of our kids to do something educational after high school.

I prefer college or the military but I would also be satisfied with some kind of trade school or training program.

At that point it isn't my decision to make anymore, but dh and I have always talked like "When you go to college.....". Its never been presented as a choice.


PeaNut 503,391
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Posted: 1/30/2013 10:34:18 AM
Yes we did expect and assume they would. We sacrificed a lot to put money aside for college too. Its not much but we thought it would help.

The first two are in college.

Our ds however is probably not going to even graduate from High School. He started smoking pot in 8th grade and was expelled from High School for it in 9th. Once he was expelled, it was all downhill from there. Its sad really. He was an A student through 8th grade. Now he refuses to do the work at the community school. He will be 18 at the beginning of his senior year and plans to drop out so he can hang-out with friends all day.

We have used all the money we saved for his college on interventions. If he wakes up after 18, he will have to work and save to be able to go. (After he completes basic High School work.)

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 452,048
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Posted: 1/30/2013 10:36:30 AM
Do I expect them to go to college? No
Do I assume they will go to college? Yes, my older two dd's are already talking about college.
Will I encourage them to go to college? Yes, definitely!



PeaNut 62,725
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Posted: 1/30/2013 11:11:39 AM
To quote Albert Einstein:

"The value of a college education is not the learning of many facts but the training of the mind to think."

So to answer your question, Yes, it was expected they would go to college.



PeaNut 188,140
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Posted: 1/30/2013 11:13:20 AM
our oldest DD had no intentions of college - right through the middle of her senior year of HS. During break we visited a 2 year college in Wyoming with her cousin. Her cousin was very interested in their photography program and enrolled. DD was inspired after visiting the school and decided she would get her associates so she also enrolled. After 2 years she decided she needed her bachelors and returned home and finished her degree at the university located here. She now has a state job and doing very well.
our middle DD has always planned to attend our synods college (in Minnesota) to be a parochial teacher. After one year she decided that wasn't the route she really wanted for life. She moved home and is attending the same university as her older sister. She plans to get her bachelors in human services.

So....I guess my point is at their young age neither of them truly knew what they wanted after high school. We did not pressure either of them but did encourage both of them to further their education. They both started on one path and ventured to another once they "found themselves". The middle DD is in her second year....but you just never know if they will continue on that second (or third or fourth) path they have chosen. You just have to continue to support and encourage.

youngest DS is a sophomore in HS. We are supporting his love of golf and hope that he is able to play on a college team...that is his goal as of now. As far as a career.....that changes daily. So we will take it slow with him as well and continue to encourage him in his choices.


Doxie Pea Mom

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Posted: 1/30/2013 11:22:37 AM
I expected my son to get whatever education he needed to be able to make a living where he could live a comfortable life. If that meant college, then great, go to college. If that meant a trade school, then great, go to trade school. If there is some other education required to do what you want to do, then you need to do it.

But no, it is not my place to dictate my adult son's life to him and what he needs to do. I tried to help guide him to figure out what he wanted to do and then I removed obstacles that might have prevented him from doing those things such as him knowing that I would pay for his school. But, I didn't try to force him one way or the other. I bet my brother is glad nobody tried to dictate to him that he "had to go to college". He would not be where he is today, which he loves, if others had done that. He has a huge amount of education but no college degree.

Hans on left, Bud in middle, Gretchen on right


PeaNut 46,619
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Posted: 1/30/2013 11:33:44 AM
Yes, totally expected and they talk about it all the time. We have already taken both on college tours although it is still a few years away for our oldest. However, we also have a great example in our family of an alternate path that worked out beautifully as well. My SIL was NOT a student in her teens, left high school and got her GED, then lived all over the middle east for several years, including working on a kibbutz in Israel and living in Egypt where she found a passion for SCUBA. She became certified as a dive master and traveled the world as a dive instructor on a luxury cruise ship for several years. Her interest in diving led to a deep concern about the ocean and the environment. She moved home to the US and went to college (while working part time) in her late 20's. She graduated at 30 and is now married with 2 kids and working at a job she loves in the environmental field. So, as long as my child has a drive to do SOMETHING, I can live with the idea that the "normal" path of high school to college to career isn't the right choice for every teenager. College is my first choice, however!

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 80,815
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Posted: 1/30/2013 11:41:29 AM
I expect my child to get some sort of training after high school to enable her to support herself decently and do something she enjoys/is good at. I used to think that had to be college but I realize now that may not be the proper path for her. We shall see.

4 yr College, community college, apprenticeship, trade school, military (probably not an option for her, but maybe) etc are all fine with me.

ETA-I see this comment above and that's how it is here too. We've always told dd that's what we expect but we also know things don't always work out that way. And now that we've gone through years of school struggles and a child who just doesn't see the appeal of academics (but is other wise not a problem child/student) we realize a traditional four year college may not be the best choice.

At that point it isn't my decision to make anymore, but dh and I have always talked like "When you go to college.....". Its never been presented as a choice.


Mom to Lia Grace age 13


Shameless Husker Fan

PeaNut 49,249
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Posted: 1/30/2013 11:43:21 AM
Yes, I expect my children to go to college. So far no surprises. Our junior is terrified of the thought. He also doesn't know what he wants to do, but he will go, probably locally.


pearl-clutching nitpicker

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Posted: 1/30/2013 11:45:34 AM
I always expected/assumed my kids would go to college and acted accordingly. They always expected/assumed the same and did go to college immediately following high school. They were very well prepared, having attended a college prep high school, but both dropped out of college after a few years and went their own ways. Both are back in school now. Older and wiser ... of course it's much easier when you're young, with no other obligations, and mom pays the bills!

The bottom line is, you can't force your kids to go to/stay in/finish college if they don't want to, no matter how much bravado you show the world. "College isn't optional" only works if they buy into it.

If my child remained insistent that he or she didn't want to go to college (and I think many say that at 13-14 but get over it), I would have them to take college prep classes in high school anyway. That way they will have options should they change their minds later on.

But in the end, no matter how much you think you are in charge, you can't live their lives for them. They WILL make the final decision for themselves. And life doesn't always work out the way we think it will.

northern california

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts."
--Bertrand Russell

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 183,099
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Posted: 1/30/2013 11:45:49 AM
Automatic assumption. In our family, it's just what you do. College comes after high school. Just like you know high school comes after middle school.

Useless Information

PeaNut 249,087
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Posted: 1/30/2013 11:48:53 AM
I've been of the mindset of where not if. Ex has been "if they want to" so the planning and encouragement falls on me and DH. Ex would rather they go in the military and claims they'll just fine taking a few vocational classes and making a living as a mechanic like he does.

DH says no, they need to consider college to be just as important as high school. So we're kind of on middle ground here. My kids will have all options available: college, community college, trade school, or military or any combination of the four. I only hope that they have some idea of what they want to do with their lives before they hit high school (middle school right now).

janet r

PeaNut 22,327
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Posted: 1/30/2013 11:52:25 AM
Yes, but it's turned out more like this:

But in the end, no matter how much you think you are in charge, you can't live their lives for them. They WILL make the final decision for themselves. And life doesn't always work out the way we think it will.

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 181,836
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Posted: 1/30/2013 11:54:51 AM
It's assumed that my dd will go on to some sort of school, be it college or a trade school. Not everyone is cut out for college, and frankly more money can be made without a college degree. I'm sure the girl that cuts my hair makes more money than me and I have a master's degree.


PeaNut 107,627
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Posted: 1/30/2013 11:57:39 AM
Nope it is not an automatic assumption in my family. My DS is high functioning autism. He knows that while if he chooses not to go to college he will have to choose something to do with his life. It is how it goes. I'd be happy with trade school.

My DD also has expressed an interest in not going to college. She is younger and things can always change.

However we are not demanding they go to college. DH and I did not(well I did some community college) and we have good jobs that pay well. We are saving for them so if they do decided to go there will be funds available to them. I'd hate to be blind sided later on that they want to go and have made plan for them to be able to.

It's compromise that moves us along!


PeaNut 427,403
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Posted: 1/30/2013 12:22:54 PM
It has always been discussed as when you go to University, not if. My dd is the sme age as yours. She is the process of picking her classes for high school right now and at this point in time she wants to be a Bio Medical Engineer and go to McGill University. So she is taking all advanced maths and sciences. I am sure she might change her mind about what to take there but I do think she will end up in University.

DS in grade 4 wants to go to Western for something to do with Math. I'm pretty sure he will change his mind too


Please ignore the typos..I do know how to spell, I DON"T know how to type


PeaNut 128,923
February 2004
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Posted: 1/30/2013 12:28:50 PM
I have much of same experience with my oldest that Lucy had with her 2 children. He isn't back in school yet, but is talking about it. At this point though, it will be on his own dime.

My older daughter finished college in 3 years. Both kids raised the same. We both expected them to go to college, but 2 completely different outcomes.


Granny Panty Chic

Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it. ~Mark Twain

You Wanna Peas of Me?

PeaNut 45,810
August 2002
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Posted: 1/30/2013 12:30:00 PM
Yes, it was an expectation for both our children.


pearl-clutching nitpicker

PeaNut 201,774
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Posted: 1/30/2013 12:34:49 PM

I am 99% sure that mine will still want to go when they graduate. They look at it as 4 yrs. they can put off working.

I just noticed this. As good a reason as any to go to college.

northern california

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts."
--Bertrand Russell

Typical Liberal

PeaNut 221,236
August 2005
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Posted: 1/30/2013 12:35:37 PM

But in the end, no matter how much you think you are in charge, you can't live their lives for them. They WILL make the final decision for themselves. And life doesn't always work out the way we think it will.

This bears repeating. I've worked in a university advising office, and I can tell you that while you can send a kid to college, you can't make him attend class or study while he's there. And you may waste tens of thousands of dollars in the process.

While we have every reason to expect that our kids will attend college in theory, in practice, our view is more that we expect them to have a plan for after high school. Whether it's attending a traditional four-year school, starting at a two-year school, attending trade school, working or some combination thereof, the plan is fine as long as it is not to sit on our couch figuring out what to do with your life.

We already work with our kids on setting long and short term goals and figuring out how to meet them, so it's my hope that they'll be prepared to think and plan ahead by the time they get to an age to be thinking about college.


PeaNut 267,237
July 2006
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Posted: 1/30/2013 12:40:57 PM
Of course. Anything else is out of question.

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Captain K

PeaNut 247,594
February 2006
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Posted: 1/30/2013 12:41:40 PM
We have geared our kids' educations towards college, but as long as they get some sort of post-high school education that gives them skills they can translate into employment that pays enough for them to live comfortably, we'll be happy. But hey, if they design some App or computer program or something at 18 that creates a really strong business, who are we to tell them "No, you must go to college even though you have a great career in this area."

However, I want them to be lifelong learners. Even if they were that prodigy, I'd still encourage them to take some business classes so they knew enough to get some sense for the different areas of their business and who to hire to help them.

The goal isn't for them to go to college. The goal is for them to understand how education of all sorts can help them develop skills that translate into money and quality of life. If one of our kids went to college but stopped learning after that, they'd be in a world of trouble when their industry changed down the road -- and it will in their lifetimes! College is just one possible step in learning how to always be refining your skills.

I also think the assumption that "Of course our kids will go to college" is a very privileged and narrow-minded view.
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