How would the peas handle this school bully situation?

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Posted 2/1/2013 by Wrong Way Feldman in NSBR Board
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PeaNut 34,233
March 2002
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Posted: 2/1/2013 7:17:47 PM
If it was my kid that got detention, I would be going to the principal and to the school board.

We have had a couple bullying incidents when my girls were in school where they had to stand up for themselves and others. One was when my DD was in 2nd grade. She pushed the bully who was harassing another student. She got a talking to and the teacher called me to tell me what happened. School basically looked the other way on that one.

A few years later my other DD was in an after school program. The bully kept poking at my DD. She defended herself by continually pushing bully away. She had long nails which scratched the bully. I got a note that if she ever "hurt" anyone again at the program she wouldn't be allowed to continue in the program. After I found out what happened, the director got an earful from me. We had no more problems.

I really hate that victim is the one that has to pay in cases like this. If the boy was kicked in his privates, how is the other kid not suspended? Especially if it was on video.

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PeaNut 272,954
August 2006
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Posted: 2/1/2013 8:27:13 PM
The bully kneed Jared in the groin first before Jared punched him. Being kneed in the groin is assault, just as much so as a punch in the eye. He just hit Jared where it counts with a knee instead of a fist. Physical violence is physical violence, and the bully resorted to physical violence first.

If the bully wasn't expelled also for three days, then something is seriously wrong with their "zero tolerance" for hitting policy.

I think Jared did the right thing. All of this was going on, including Jared getting shoved into chairs (had to have made some noise) and the teacher didn't even notice UNTIL AFTER Jared finally got fed up with the abuse and punched the bully.

I haven't read all of the replies, so I don't know if the bully got expelled for three days as Jared did, but if not, I would demand it and raise a very public stink about their hypocritical policy if they don't deal out a harsher treatment to the bully than Jared got. Isn't there a zero tolerance policy regarding bullying, too, even if a knee in the groin isn't considered "hitting" the way a punch in the eye is?

I bet the bully leaves Jared alone in the future. Bullies prefer to pick on someone they think won't fight back.

If the school didn't punish the bully adequately, I would seriously consider homeschooling because the school is obviously not a safe environment for anyone but bullies. Bullies certainly shouldn't get preferential treatment.

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PeaNut 262,757
May 2006
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Posted: 2/1/2013 8:59:14 PM
Yay "Jared"!

If Jared is my kid, the school gets a mama wanting to know the ends and outs of their bullying policy.

If the three days have to stand I would ask that they can be in school instead of out of school suspension (expelled at our school means buh-bye for the rest of the year)

Jared would NOT be in trouble at home.

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PeaNut 29,331
February 2002
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Posted: 2/1/2013 9:05:57 PM
My sister went through something similar with her son in early elementary only it was an older kid bullying him. She phoned and visited the school on numerous occasions and when they school wouldn't deal with the issue told her son to handle it however he need to.

He did, the next time the kid started in on him and shoved him my nephew hit him back, several times. The principal called my sister to come and get him. When she showed up the principal started in about her son's behavior and my sister essentially told him to stick it where the sun doesn't shine.

Then she turned to my nephew and asked which he wanted to do first, go golfing or to the local arcade. The principal told her he couldn't believe she was rewarding her son for fighting. She replied she wasn't rewarding him for fighting, she was rewarding him for waiting so long to hit this kid back.

Funny but that is the only fight I ever remember him getting into.

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PeaNut 471,633
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Posted: 2/1/2013 9:20:17 PM
Back in the day if you asked me and my DH- you would have gotten very different answers.

I was the don't fight with your hands use your words kind of mom. DH was just kick his @ss in the schoolyard kind of dad.

I will concede that DH was right.

This one time, take the suspension. No one is going to push Jared around again.


PeaNut 281,551
October 2006
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Posted: 2/2/2013 5:07:35 AM
In today's world, you cant just solve things with a punch. More's the pity, as some people just need a good cock punch. But that doesn't matter. I'd take the suspension but I'd not punish my son. Bullies usually back off when the target stands up for him or herself. Had a similar situation once but when my son had enough and took the kid to the ground, he didn't get caught. And I approved.

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PeaNut 99,184
August 2003
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Posted: 2/2/2013 6:15:57 AM
If Jared were my son, I'd probably start by questioning if there was more than 1 teacher watching 50+ children in the gym. That sounds against policy for our schools.

I'd guess the "official" answer would be that Jared had the responsibility to attract an adult's attention for help, rather than trying to handle things on his own (by hitting). I'd probably use the video to calmly let them know that given 50+ kids in a teacher's care, there was NO WAY for Jared to get attention and that he'd repeatedly tried to diffuse the situation. I'd put it right back on them for not providing a reasonable, safe environment for my child.

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PeaNut 198,401
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Posted: 2/2/2013 7:30:52 AM
There are many instances where Jared could have gotten the teacher and he chose not to. I know he tried to handle it on his own, but he should not have. The first time, I think what Jared did was right by what he said to the kid. The second time also, by the third tiime, I would have been raising my hand and telling the kid so loud that everyone could hear, including the teacher.

When Jared fell into the chairs and was kicked in the groin, yes, it is natural to act out, but the school and all schools do have a zero tolerance policy.

While I agree, this kid deserved what he got and maybe he will have learned a lesson, there were many chances for Jared to alert the teacher before punching another student for whatever reason.


PeaNut 203,642
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Posted: 2/2/2013 7:30:56 AM
If I were Jarod's mom I would file assault charges. I am assuming the video clearly shows the other boy assaulting Jared of course. If it doesn't then you run the risk of Jared being charged. However, if the other boy's parents press charges as well, the prosecutor may have to drop the case (conflict of interest having to prosecute both sides) and it is then up to the parents to assume the burden of pursuing the charges in court. If the video is clear, though, and if Jared didn't wait until the bully had backed off to defend himself, then Jared should be cleared due to self defense.

Regardless of whether the parents pursue this or not, they should find out what the school does with these videos. Are they preserved and for how long? If they are not preserved, that is another reason to get police involved so this video becomes "evidence". Then it will be available in the event of future confrontations with this kid. I would also make it clear to the principal that this is strike one for the bully. Strike two (which will include any threats made by the bully) will result in a restraining order. Then the administration can figure out how to redo the bully's schedule so that he doesn't cross paths with Jared.

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PeaNut 220,508
August 2005
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Posted: 2/2/2013 8:21:04 AM
I agree with Nicolequinn. I'd also fight the suspension and I'd make damned sure the instigator was expelled too. I'd call repeatedly shoving a kid and so hard he falls into a stack of chairs hitting too.

I'd also love to be very vocal to anyone who'd listen about it and I'd also go to the school board to ask just what a kid is supposed to do about this stuff and ask them what their plans are to educate kids about bullying - I'd want to know what preventative measures they have in ace instead of reacting afterwards.

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PeaNut 24,951
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Posted: 2/2/2013 9:47:47 AM
Holy moly. I have 12yo 7th grader. I have told him time and time again if anyone does anything like that to fall to the floor and scream HE HIT ME HE HIT ME!

Of course my son laughs his fool head off. He is 6' tall and there aren't too many kids who would dare approach him like that. We talk all the time about what to do if someone else gets bullied. He has stood up for his friends at times and I am honestly so proud of that I could cry.

I am generally opposed at all times to hitting someone; however, in the OP's case of Jared, I'd make an exception. I'd also file assault charges against the other boy. And quite frankly, if I ever saw him in class with my child again, I'd go ballistic.

Unfortunately, if Jared hit the other boy, I'd have to accept the 3-day suspension (OP used expelled, but that is the incorrect word, I'm pretty sure). I'd be pissed off about it, but I would never be mad at my 7th grader for that.


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PeaNut 266,636
June 2006
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Posted: 2/2/2013 11:32:44 AM

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PeaNut 370,129
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Posted: 2/2/2013 12:07:16 PM
After the verbal abuse Jared was putting up with, the second that little shit pushed him in line, Jared should've taken him down! No reason to wait for more pushing and a knee to the groin first.

If you were being harassed in the grocery line, or an amusement park line or any other line and this same scenario was taking place, how long would wait to take action and defend yourself?

Zero tolerance school policies are a joke! They infuriate me! They do nothing but reinforce to the victim that they are powerless. What other message can you take away from being punished for self defense?

Jared shouldn't wait as long next time, IMO. Getting suspension is a small price to pay compared to valuing and preserving your physical and emotional well being.

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PeaNut 379,678
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Posted: 2/2/2013 12:31:21 PM
I don't have time to read all the responses right now (will later) but want to say that the state of Texas has recently passed a law that says someone cannot be punished for defending himself against a bully.

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