Ancient Ancestor of Pea
|Posted: 2/4/2013 6:35:52 PM|I have because it just wasn't worth the issues it caused.
Long story short, my mother took my grandmothers estate. Outright forged the will. It wasn't until her death I uncovered what she had done. She had basically taken 1/2 of the amount from my cousin but since her dad, my moms brother had died, she felt justified in doing so.
I was trying to right a wrong and I caught all kinds of hell over it. Even from the cousin who refused to help pay any of the legal fees to get her amount.
My step siblings were outraged that I had done that, or that I wanted the attorneys fees divided between all the benefactors.i did get the courts to pay the attorneys fees prior to it being paid out.
They've since found another insurance policy that's a sizable amount, I'm not going thru that again and as far as I care they're shit out of luck if ill file for them.
This happened several years ago and none of us have talked since. Since they're step relatives I could care less. So yes, you can walk away and should sometimes.
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
|Posted: 2/4/2013 6:44:00 PM|
I'm sorry this is happening to you, it's not pretty. You know, I don't thing anyone ever come out of these things unscathed.
Half Way There!
|Posted: 2/4/2013 6:48:10 PM|i didn't walk away but i redistributed my share to someone
i already foresee huge problems when my father passes, there are original marriage kids, half kids and step kids plus a step wife. i've asked to not be included in the will when it came up in convo once. the money will never cover the therapy i will need after it
|Posted: 2/4/2013 6:55:45 PM|
I agree with the rest of the posters. You shouldn't walk away from what is legally and rightfully yours.
Your grandfather could have very easily re-written his will/trust after the passing of your father if he had wanted your aunt to have it all, but he didn't. He would have also been fully aware of how his estate was going to be divided, the lawyer would have advised him when he wrote his will but he obviously chose not to change it after your father's passing.
Think of it another way. If your Aunt had passed and your father was still alive would your cousins have walked away from their inheritance......I bet they wouldn't! So why should you.
Another thing, while all this is going on, what happens if your Aunt dies before everything is settled?(settling an estate takes some time)but in the meantime you've already signed away your rights..... your cousins will walk away with the whole estate!! I'm certain that they wouldn't turn round and say " Oh here's half of grandad's trust" then would they?
Take your share, it's legally yours and more importantly it was your grandad's wish that you should have it.
|Posted: 2/4/2013 7:08:57 PM|
|Child of God, follower of Jesus, and so thankful for His presence in my life <><|
Bubbie is my most prized title.
Loc: Raleigh, North Carolina
|Posted: 2/4/2013 7:12:02 PM|
You have had some wonderful advice. I agree, do not walk away. It's like a slap in the face to your Grandfather who wanted his son's family to have their share from his labor. You would not allow anyone to tell you how to spend your money, no one should tell your Grandfather how to spend his.
That type of will is very straight forward and no one should buck it all. Very bad behavior on their part.
|Posted: 2/4/2013 7:34:31 PM|Well, this has caused a HUGE and ongoing rift in my family. Unlike yours, I already have a general idea what I am inheriting as my grandmother has made major portions of her will public. This has caused a perpetual rift in my family; however, I am not willing to give up whatever my grandmother wishes to leave me in order to placate people.
I have been very clear with my gradmother: it is your stuff. You can leave me something or nothing (this while having conversations initiated by her regarding "what do you want me to leave you", but I make it crystal clear that since her daughters are the four horsemen of the apocalypse, she should be responsible and leave a very detailed will. She has apparently done so. I also made it clear that I would follow her wishes, regardless of what they are.
Ultimately, I think it boils down to this: People need to respect the decedent's wishes--whatever those may be. If it is to leave you 2 cents or 2 million dollars, those are your grandfather's wishes, and they should be honored. By law, what should have been your father's goes to you and your brother, and you shouldn't bother to have a relationship with people whose affection you are essentially purchasing by giving up your inheritance.
|Posted: 2/4/2013 7:36:49 PM|
I have dealt with a messy estate but not this exact situation.
At one time I thought about walking away from part of an inheritance and signing a large part of it over to the person who was bullying me to do so. I just wanted to keep the peace and preserve the relationship even though I knew what was legally mine and I knew what the deceased had written in his will and verbally told me before his death.
I thought long and hard about it. I agonized over it because I truly didn't want to be the "greedy one". But I finally came to the conclusion that I had to honor the deceased wishes. It wasn't my choice that he left his estate to me. I have no regrets and that person has shown her true colors and we have no relationship now ( her choice). Truth be told if she really cared for me she wouldn't have tried to bully/ manipulate me.
I would NOT walk away. Your grandfather made his will for a reason and it was his to do with as he wanted. I would not let these family members sense of entitlement bully you into walking away from what is yours. Giving up what is yours will not repair the damage that THEY are causing.
((hugs)) Sorry for your loss.
|Posted: 2/4/2013 7:50:30 PM|I'm sorry that you are dealing with this situation.
While this hasn't happened to me, I've seen 2 generations of my family ripped apart because of inheritances. Both times there was someone who thought they should get more of the estate than their siblings. I can tell you that those that made a fuss & got more really hurt their relationships with their siblings & still didn't seem happy with what they got.
It was awful & I swore the first time that it happened I would never do that. Now 20 years later & with a child of my own, I'm not so sure that I could just walk away from an inheritance since it would also impact my child. Fortunately neither of my parents have $ to leave so it shouldn't be too much of an issue.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
To the right, To the right
Loc: Usually NSBR, an un"pea"dictable place :)
|Posted: 2/4/2013 7:59:07 PM|
First of all, Erin, I am so sorry that you're going through this. People are such idiots when it comes to any kind of money. I am with the majority of the peas. I don't think you should give up what is rightfully yours to try to make peace.
I have had estate issues, but not this kind. They stink, no matter what.
All I can say is, you are one of the sweetest peas out there, and your family is missing out on getting to know a wonderful person by acting that way. (((Hugs)))
"The Constitution is not an instrument for the government to restrain the people, it is an instrument for the people to restrain the government -- lest it come to dominate our lives and interests."
|Posted: 2/4/2013 8:16:37 PM|
No, but my father is. Technically he is my sister's sole heir. He doesn't want anything to do with the money/property she left, as a lot of the stuff came from either his home when he moved (and it was after he kept the stuff he wanted) or from our maternal grandmother. My brother, sister and I inherited money from our grandmother (because our mom passed) and my grandmother (and aunt) blamed my dad for my mom's death and then were really mad when he remarried.
as a result, my dad wants nothing to do with the money and I understand why. I don't really want it either, I have my share, and what I get from her estate will go to my kids, which is what I think she would have done had she made a will (she didn't and that complicates things....)
Loc: Why do you want to know?
|Posted: 2/4/2013 8:22:54 PM|
I would NEVER walk away in the circumstance you have described. A fair and equitable trust? and people are crying that they don't get more than you because you are "richer already". what bullcrap. that is on THEM. on THEIR book of life. NOT YOURS.
there is no.way.in.hell I would let them browbeat me into walking away from the inheritance.
to the point that you would sacrifice the whole extended family relationship?
thank you for all the input!!!
Keep that inheritance that is yours. It was written because that was the wish of the person who wrote it. Honor them and be respectful and do good things with it rather than sit in a corner and pout and scream and shout how life isn't fair and you should make it fair by giving your fair share.
No way in hell would I oblige. honestly because if you do, it won't change one little thing. EVER. Because what will be next? it will not end with you walking away. I promise. and that is their reality. Not yours.
**Live your dreams, not your fears**
|Posted: 2/4/2013 8:26:20 PM|
Both my mom, and I have walked away...it was not a lot of money probably less than $5000.00, each but it was not worth the hassle it would have caused our family.
But in your case I think I am with Lucy on this one.
Loc: Why do you want to know?
|Posted: 2/4/2013 8:29:05 PM|
I am so sorry you are missing him so much lately (and every day). However, from what you have shared about your dad, he would be appalled at their behavior. They are not like him. You are not losing a part of him by distancing yourself from their current toxicity. Honor your dad and continue to not engage in the drama. he loves you and is proud of you and wants this for you and for your children--his grandchildren. He knows the intent of your heart and would wish none of this on you but would also not want you to walk away because this is HIS legacy for you and your brother. It's in black and white and cut and dry for a reason. These people are the reason. good for grandfather and your dad for making it so cut and dry. They are to be commended.
i adored him and miss him so terribly. it would be like losing a part of him....
**Live your dreams, not your fears**
|Posted: 2/4/2013 8:40:12 PM|
I'm sitting with Lucy and busypea on this one.
Please don't allow them to guilt you into walking away from the inheritance your grandfather wanted you to have. Your life situation should have no bearing on this whatsoever.
Your cousins sound like greedy asshats.
Long ago Barney
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
|Posted: 2/4/2013 8:57:23 PM|
I thought about it (actually dh s inheritance) but one day it hit me I was in reality giving it to their cousins. Suddenly I felt my kids deserved it as much as his kids did.
Who will you leave it to? sometimes projecting it onto them Or not makes it a whole different ball game!
Miss Lerins Momma
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
|Posted: 2/4/2013 9:03:09 PM|
ETA even if your dad was singled out to his siblings' detriment, these were your grandfather's wishes. Now I'm getting madder and madder on your behalf. Take the money. It's legitimately yours and giving it back won't change their resentment
I'd take the money/inheritance and not look back. If that's how he wanted it, then that is how it would be. If they have hard feelings over it, then that is their problem... not yours.
Trolls *heart* me!!
Loc: Philadelphia area
|Posted: 2/5/2013 5:54:20 AM|
My husband and his brothers were each given a percentage of their father's will, plus there were instructions that his xwife would not get a penny of the inheritance. My husband being in charge of the will took part of his much larger share and gave both of his brothers a larger portion. One brother really needed the money due to disabilities. The other was jealous that the will was not divided up equally. It definately helped to smooth over the inequalities of the will and he doesn't regret doing it.
|Posted: 2/5/2013 6:32:58 AM|
i know you are right about about standing my ground, but, i guess that it is really hard for me to think about sacrificing my relationship with my father's family since i adored him and miss him so terribly. it would be like losing a part of him....
Unfortunately, my guess is that the relationship with that side of the family (or some of them) is already ruined. Whether you take the inheritence or not, they will either always feel slighted or like they "won."
It is sad that people have to feel that way instead of honoring what the deceased person wanted.
Loc: Summerville, SC
|Posted: 2/5/2013 8:45:46 AM|
I can't answer your original question because I've never been there, but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. They really do take their toll.
I agree that you should get your father's half. It's not relevant how much or how little money yourself and your brother has. What is in the will is what should be.
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
Loc: back in the USA
|Posted: 2/5/2013 9:29:20 AM|thank you, everyone! i appreciate the advice/input...and, for having my back.
kelly- ETA-jody, too!
i really was asking for my father's help yesterday, and i believe i was able to hear his voice in the words you all have said. that was a little miracle for me.
thank you again!
Loc: pea formerly known as GIPfunny
|Posted: 2/5/2013 9:49:51 AM|Erin, I'm so sorry. I know what it's like to miss a dad terribly.
We had issues with my uncle's family when my dad passed away. They owned recreational land together and my uncle sold his half to my mom. My cousin thought he was owed a portion of the money because of time and equipment donated to improve the land. He was previously a co-owner and had been bought out. My mom gave him the extra money anyway.
I don't think it helped. My uncle's family continues to be the same before this all happened (there are good and bad ones).
|Posted: 2/5/2013 9:59:41 AM|
considering that they are trying to rob you of your right to the inheritance, why would you want anything to do with them in the future?
Loc: Vacaville, CA
|Posted: 2/5/2013 10:16:31 AM|
It doesn't matter one bit who has more when the person passes. My dad and his brother split their Mom's estate straight down the middle, as was her wish. My parents are very well off compared to my (now late) uncle but her will was very clear about the 50/50 split. Thankfully my uncle was amenable to all the provisions. It was my grandmother's sister who pitched a complete fit. My dad was the executor and told his aunt to go pound sand. They've not spoken since my dad sold his moms house.
In an case, what was your dad's is rightfully yours and I'd not ever let anyone talk me out of it.
I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires. --Susan B. Anthony
Blog link - Dryer Lint
Aprons and More
|Posted: 2/5/2013 10:45:11 AM|
I wouldn't walk away from it. I really don't think it will change your relationship with them either way.
|Posted: 2/5/2013 12:11:10 PM|
Nantini... I didn't know my husband's had a sister?
His mother did the same thing. She forged the will, and her sibling try to prove it but She had been signing everything for her mother for more than ten years and the family couldn't find an original grandma signature.
I truly believe that grandma knew Husband's mother would pull a stunt like this, and hide an account that was not included in the will.
Upon finding the hidden account the will got thrown to probate.
The siblings got their share of the money but not personal property.
Loc: Over the Hill and Enjoying the View
|Posted: 2/5/2013 2:51:50 PM|
Not due to any hostilities (at least not between the survivors), but I was more than happy to give my portion of dear old dad's money to my brother! He tried to do right by dad and kept in touch even though we were all abused. For his perserverence, brother got my share.
The Banana Under the Couch Pea
Loc: Somewhere over the rainbow...
|Posted: 2/5/2013 3:13:07 PM|
My brother and I have discussed this very thing because we've watched for 6 years as my dad's two sisters (he also has one brother) have torn the family apart. We have a great relationship and we agree that no amount of money is worth losing that.
However, Erin... I get the feeling that even if you handed over every last penny of this inheritance, they'd either still be angry, or gloat.
If you don't feel comfortable keeping it, save it for college funds/scholarships, donate it to a charity you're passionate about, or pay it forward to someone in need.
Really think about it.
Loc: Indianapolis, IN
|Posted: 2/5/2013 6:11:22 PM|
Nope!!! I walked away from the family that was causing the disturbance. They are negative, money-grubbing people who have no interest in me or my part of the family. They aren't worth the effort to try to get along. i tried multiple times to make peace & every time I ended up getting hurt. So I took the money & walked away from them.
After all that my aunt who was at the center of all the fuss tried to friend me on Facebook. I declined her request & blocked her. Now I understand where my mother's & sister's feelings came from all these years. I only wish I could tell my mother how sorry I am for not believing her all those years but sorry to say she passed away before her mother so she wasn't around when all the shit went down with my aunt & cousins.
So to answer your question -- NO!!
"I think we are drawn to dogs because they are the unhibited creatures we might be if we weren't certain we knew better" George Bird Evans
"Handle every stressful situation like a dog (aka Lab ): If you can't eat it or play with it, pee on it & walk away!" (author unknown)
Loc: Central NJ
|Posted: 2/5/2013 6:32:38 PM|
Nothing you do will please them. Take your share. Spend it, save for your kids' education or to use what ever they decide to do with it. Your GF and dad wanted you to have it.
Loc: Salt Lake
|Posted: 2/5/2013 7:16:02 PM|
I think it is really going to depend on you personally. Which way may make you bitter? For some it will be giving up their own portion. For others it will be continuing with how it is going. Other people could go either way an not be bitter. From what you have said it doesn't matter what you do, the damage is done on their part. So you can only go with what makes you happy in the long run.
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
|Posted: 2/5/2013 7:30:04 PM|
I would not walk away if a family member who died wanted me to be next in line , it was one of their last wishes...
as for the drama , that would be their problem...
Loc: Ontario, Canada
|Posted: 2/5/2013 7:42:29 PM|I was the main (only) caregiver of my dad.
He put everything in mine and his name before he passed away.
He was NOT a rich man.
He told me that I was to get everything, as I was the only one who was there for him and have never asked him for anything.
I just told him "I have to live with these people when you are gone, I don't think I could do that".
He finally told me...do what you wish.
When he passed away and I settled everything from his estate..I shared everything with my siblings.
I gave certain possessions to certain siblings as they meant something to each one.
It is just money and things.....Didn't change my life, but I can go to sleep at night knowing that I did what I thought was right for me.
You have to figure out what is right for you.
|Posted: 2/5/2013 9:58:46 PM|
MIL's sister took care of their mother so the 'deal' was made that the sister would inherit the house when their mother died. The sister who was the caregiver went with their mother to draw up the will and the provision was made that the sister had to outlive the mother by six months in order to inherit the house. MIL knew nothing of the provision, even though she was named as the administrator of the will. Well, lo and behold, the sister died a few minutes before the mother! Her son had assumed that he would inherit the house because it was supposed to go to his mother. However, he didn't know about that picky little six month thing.
Well, MIL had to follow the letter of the law and the house had to be 'divided' between her and her other living sister. The nephew was mad! MIL had already talked to us about giving her share to her nephew after the will was settled and that's what she had planned to do. She couldn't give him her living sister's share of the house, but she could give him hers.
That was before she got the ugliest letter I've ever read in my life from the son.
Let's just say that he shot himself in the foot with that letter and he got squat!!!
Loc: New Hampshire
|Posted: 2/5/2013 10:26:25 PM|
It is pretty sad that a small amount (or large in some cases) can pull a family apart after a loved one dies. I have seen it first hand in my family and things got so nasty. Relationships were torn apart and relatives that seemed generally "nice" showed a different side.
My aunt (who never married and had no children) didn't have a will because she didn't want to "upset" anyone. What it did to the family was horrible.
I can understand the mindset of walking away, but like others have said, I don't think it would make a difference, so you might as well get what was left to you.
|Posted: 2/7/2013 5:10:42 AM|Well, this has clearly hit a nerve for a lot of people! Why? Because death and money have a way of revealing the character of the family members involved! It reveals in an unvarnished way what the various family members value! It reveals what is truly important to them! Money? Or an intact loving relationship with you! Sadly, it truly reveals HOW MUCH THEY DON'T VALUE THEIR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU, when money is in the equation!
When you tend to be a person who tries to have peaceful harmonious relationships with your relatives (and it would seem you are or you would not be troubled by this), you can make the mistake of thinking, "If I do this,(give them ______) then everything will be OK, relationship wise ." But the truth is, they have already revealed by their actions/words that they value more,...which is getting what they want ($$$)and their own way, vs. having a close loving relationship with you! That's the double whammy! They place greater value on the $$$ than the relationship! And you know that because they have already put that on the line!
When you pacify people like that, by giving in to their emotionally bulling tactics, they will use the same methods later when they want something else! Because of my line of work, I have see this happen over and over.
Here's the bottom line: it's not about what they want, or how 'they' think Grandpa should have written his will,...IT IS ABOUT HOW GRANDPA WANTED HIS MONEY DIVIDED! (Please understand I am using CAPS for emphasis, not yelling.) Grandpa felt so strongly about this that he put it in a LEGAL Document!
Do Not donate the $$$ to pacify, or give a portion to them. Grandpa knew you would get nothing since your father had passed and he wanted to remember you and your brother, because he loved you! It was his final statement of love to both of you and you should not allow others to diminish that or rob you of his loving gift! It has nothing to do with how well off you are or aren't. It's about Grandpa's wishes! End of Story! Hope this helps!