Parents of only children aren't "really" moms...
Post ReplyPost New TopicPosted 2/6/2013 by luckywife in NSBR Board
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sugarcoated
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 2/7/2013 8:56:23 AM

oh please. The writer of the "rant" seems overly sensitive about the issue. I swear, people are looking to be offended over everything anymore.


I agree with this.


I don't click on headline links that are Cafemom...those ladies are shrill and usually a little dumb. Their short little rants also leave me thinking less of them than whomever they are writing about.

I also have no clue who Elizabeth Banks is...but I'm thinking she herself just didn't feel like a real mom when she had one child...who was being tended to by nannies and other household help. Maybe number 2 infringed on her a little more and she started to grasp her own mommyhood. Heck, I know someone who hasn't had her child yet, but thinks she's a selfless mommy already because she got a flu shot. (It's going to be a long six more months with that one! LOL)

Julee
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Posted: 2/7/2013 9:46:18 AM

I've heard people say that one child is just an "accessory" like a purse, it can go wherever you go

Except to fancy restaurants and wedding receptions!



Just to be clear - I am not one of those moms. I did/do not take my only child accessory everywhere. I just thought the idea above was funny after the many threads here about other people's children. And I don't think Annabella thinks that - she said she's heard people say it.


=)Julee

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Mary Mary
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Posted: 2/7/2013 9:50:24 AM
So, I'm confused. She didn't actually say anything about parents of only children being fake moms. She just said how hard it is having two. She didn't say she wasn't a real mom when she had one, just how much busier and harder it is now. Perhaps she phrased things badly, but I don't think her statement warrants any outrage.

But, maybe I just like her from seeing her on 30Rock. Also, I have a tendency to blabber mouth and embarrass myself, so I can relate.


Mary

Annabella
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Posted: 2/7/2013 9:51:23 AM
I googled because I couldn't remember what celebrity said that but I found this expression "one child is an accessory. two children is a lifestyle". The idea is one child is much easier and doesn't derail you too much from your lifestyle, like a vacation is easier with just one verses more.




KikiNichole

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Posted: 2/7/2013 10:02:18 AM

oh please. The writer of the "rant" seems overly sensitive about the issue. I swear, people are looking to be offended over everything anymore.




I agree. And there is NO more sensitive creature in the world than a mother who doesn't feel properly respected.

She might be a bit out of touch from the every day, ordinary mother, but I think we can all agree...children are work. And when you double the number, you double the work. I don't think it's a slam, it's just simple math.


~Kristen~

moveablefeast
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Posted: 2/7/2013 10:44:54 AM

The idea is one child is much easier and doesn't derail you too much from your lifestyle, like a vacation is easier with just one verses more.


I have an only, so maybe I don't know anything. But this seems backwards to me. I think having ANY number of children derails your pre-children lifestyle. (And I think people who think having only one doesn't really derail your life are the ones who will get the rudest awakening when the time actually comes.)

I would imagine that having more children is harder than having only one. But with no kids, you come and go as you please. With even one, you have to think about supplies, babysitters, carseats, strollers, sleep schedules, the whole deal. With two or more, you still have to think about those things, albeit with more complexity.

A friend of mine says one changes your life, two changes your mobility, three or more outnumber you and you just run after them all the time.


lnortham
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Posted: 2/7/2013 11:08:27 AM
My Sis in law told me that once. I don't think she meant any offense, she was just thinking about herself, not about my situation with nearly losing both my life and my sweet daughter's life during childbirth and then struggling with infertility ever since. She also told me once that I don't understand what she has to go through when her husband leaves town for a week on business, mind you that she said this while my husband was on a year long tour in Iraq. My point is that most of the time people say things because they are thinking only of themselves. They mean no offense and I could have had every right to be hurt, upset and angry with her words. In the end what does that get me? Hurt, upset and angry that is what I could have had. No thank you then, no thank you now.

pudgy_groundhog
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Posted: 2/7/2013 11:15:17 AM

The idea is one child is much easier and doesn't derail you too much from your lifestyle, like a vacation is easier with just one verses more.


I have an only, so maybe I don't know anything. But this seems backwards to me. I think having ANY number of children derails your pre-children lifestyle. (And I think people who think having only one doesn't really derail your life are the ones who will get the rudest awakening when the time actually comes.)
I have an only as well, so can't speak to multiples. But friends have told me the first child was the biggest adjustment, after that, while logistics might be more complex, it wasn't as big of a change.

Having a child was obviously a big change and I felt the change hardest in the early years. My daughter is five now and we've reached a nice equilibrium. While having a child is obviously different from our pre-kid life, I do feel one is more manageable in ways for us personally (particular in regards to travel and finances).



scorPEAo
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Posted: 2/7/2013 11:34:04 AM

The idea is one child is much easier and doesn't derail you too much from your lifestyle, like a vacation is easier with just one verses more.


Sorry, but as a parent of an only I beg to differ with this. When I go on vacation with my dd I am her sole form of entertainment; there is never downtime. With two kids, while they may fight, they do play/entertain each other, giving parents a much needed break.

I'm not arguing that one child isn't easier overall, but in some respects it IS harder.



peasful1
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Posted: 2/7/2013 11:55:39 AM
Meh. I think she poorly conveyed what she was trying to say. But I kind of get it, even as a mom of three kids.



------------------------------------
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*Angela
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Posted: 2/7/2013 12:04:36 PM
Since I've never heard of or recognize her, IMHO she's not "really" a celebrity!

Given I've never seen nor heard of her, I'm unfamiliar with her personality. Perhaps the statements were made in jest or simply an attempt to relate to the magazine's audience (i.e. In addition to being a Hollywood A-list actress, I'm also a parent who deals with interrupted sleep, dishes, & ruined nails - just like you!).

MerryMom937
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Posted: 2/7/2013 12:12:03 PM
I'm not a fan of Elizabeth Banks.

I think she was trying to make a funny point, but failed miserably. I think she was trying to say that there is more work when you have an additional child(ren). That does not translate that those with 1 child are "less of a mom".

As the mother of 1 son, I do consider myself a mom, but I agree that moms with more than 1 child have more work, more juggling of schedules, etc. to do than I.

Her comments don't get me riled up and honestly would not even have registered.

~*kristina*~
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Posted: 2/7/2013 12:33:21 PM

As the mother of 1 son, I do consider myself a mom, but I agree that moms with more than 1 child have more work, more juggling of schedules, etc. to do than I.

Her comments don't get me riled up and honestly would not even have registered.


ITA. There were a couple of reasons why my husband and I decided to have an only and other opinions on why we made the decision don't even register on my radar.





back to *pea*ality
AncestralPea

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Posted: 2/7/2013 12:56:53 PM
LOL - will tell my son I am just a figment of his imagination then!

peasful1
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Posted: 2/7/2013 1:01:06 PM

I have an only, so maybe I don't know anything. But this seems backwards to me. I think having ANY number of children derails your pre-children lifestyle.


To a degree, yes. But when we only had one, when he was a baby and napped on the weekend, for example, we could nap. We could easily pick him, put him in a sling and go anywhere at any time. I breastfed, so taking off was super easy. Two is more complicated. Baby would nap, but older one no longer napped. It required more juggling of time and attention. Three even moreso in some ways, because mom and dad are now outnumbered! but in other ways, it was like being back to one since the older two are more self-sufficient.

Our friends have an only. Their life is decidedly simpler than ours with three. But, in some ways, even though we are often running around like crazy, our lives are simpler because our kids have each other.


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Annabella
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Posted: 2/7/2013 1:05:10 PM

I have an only, so maybe I don't know anything. But this seems backwards to me. I think having ANY number of children derails your pre-children lifestyle. (And I think people who think having only one doesn't really derail your life are the ones who will get the rudest awakening when the time actually comes.)



You're reading way too much into it. One of anything is always easier than more. Walking one dog is easier than walking 3.




*KAS*
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Posted: 2/7/2013 1:18:10 PM
This seems like one of those conversations where a non-parent shouldn't really try to tell a parent what is easier, in my opinion.


I've heard people say that one child is just an "accessory" like a purse
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



But I wish I knew this! I really want a kid, but I thought it was important to get married first. But if it's just an accessory, I should get to work! Nobody blinks when I buy a scarf!


***********************
KELLI



Had to delete my old account, but I've been here since July 2006!

**Angie**
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Posted: 2/7/2013 4:15:50 PM
She lost her nails because she had to do dishes and clean bottles?? Guess they weren't *real* in the first place.





*Delphinium Twinkle*
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Posted: 2/7/2013 4:37:12 PM
I had an only for 13 years then had DS.
In my case, having two was no harder than having one.
Although maybe that's because of the age span between my kids


Bethie
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jalapenette
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Posted: 2/7/2013 5:12:54 PM
I think age does make a big difference on how having more kids complicates things. I have two very small ones, and it is a LOT of work because they both need pretty constant attention, and you can't leave them alone together even for a second in fear that the two year old will try to play with the six month old and hurt him by accident.

It becomes very difficult to give the baby naps, because the two-year old wants to play, wants to climb on me, wants to "wake tommy UP!"

Bedtime is tricky, because they are both tired and the two-year old needs his bedtime routine but sometimes the baby screams while I'm trying to read them a story. Can't put the baby down and leave the toddler unsupervised, but can't just stick the toddler in bed or else HE will scream.

Going anywhere without DH is nearly impossible. I have two kids, but only one set of arms! It's HARD getting the kids in the car without the toddler running off.

I love it, and wouldn't have it any other way, but it IS a lot more work than when I just had my older son.


-Rachelle


*Mommy to Adam, born October 2010, and Tommy, July 2012*



julieberg
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Posted: 2/7/2013 5:35:37 PM

Elizabeth Banks is no Hollywood airhead. I would bet she was laughing when she made that statement.



I agree.

emmafrost
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Posted: 2/7/2013 5:57:16 PM

Elizabeth who?


Exactly, but now, we know..







Iowa girl
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Posted: 2/7/2013 8:58:49 PM
I won't speak for the any other mom's of only one, but I, personally, think I am probably quicker to respond to some of these comments because I hear them constantly. I do live in a small town where large families are still very common,but I rarely make it a week without some comment about the fact we only have one child.

I don't assume to know what having multiple children is like and, save a miracle, I probably won't (not because I don't want that experience). And, I think it is one of those times it is best just to avoid making assumptions. I can tell you that having an only hurts my heart sometimes. My daughter asked Santa for a sibling when she was younger. She wrote a paper about our cat when assigned to write about a sibling.

As a rule I find it best to assume everyone has their own struggles and to respect that instead of making things a competition.

Laura

Lindapinda
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Posted: 2/8/2013 1:57:37 AM
In Norway we have this well known saying: One is like zero, and two is like ten.

For us personally it definitely made sense. Our firs child was a breeze. We put him to bed without a fuzz and had to wake him in the morning. He was easy going, and we could take him with us everywhere. Then came the maelstrom little sister

I was every bit as much a mother when I had just one child. But I have to admit, I didn't know how much work it could be until I had two.

roseredd
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Posted: 2/8/2013 11:39:47 AM
I think Bill Cosby said the same thing a while back. When you have the 2nd child the 1st has someone to blame. "Did you do that?" "No, must have been 2."

Having #2 means #1 has someone to fight with. I was taking my DD and neighbors son to a program at the library and they fought the whole way. It was I didn't do it, he did. She touched me first. I had DD sit by her door and neighbor by his and if anything met in the middle I was going to cut it off.

I only have one DD but I still consider myself a parent. My wallet definitely feels it since she is now in college.


Epeanymous
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Posted: 2/8/2013 11:56:48 AM
My mom was very sensitive about having an only child, so I feel like I watch out for comments, but at one seems more like the overwhelmed-yikes kind of comment than a put-down.

I had an only for almost four years, and now have five. I chose this and love it. I'm not looking to be a martyr or get a medal. I will say that having one child was less work.
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