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melissa
O-pea-gyn
PeaNut 4
February 1999
Posts: 14,681
Layouts: 228
Loc: NJ
 |  Posted: 2/7/2013 8:49:18 AM
ROFLOL.
I also had no idea who Elizabeth Banks is/was.
So, if a parent of an only isn't really a mom, does that make an only child an orphan? Just checking so I can let my dd know she doesn't really have a mom. |
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sugarcoated
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 140,176
April 2004
Posts: 2,095
Layouts: 0
Loc: At Work
 | Posted: 2/7/2013 8:56:23 AM
oh please. The writer of the "rant" seems overly sensitive about the issue. I swear, people are looking to be offended over everything anymore.
I agree with this.
I don't click on headline links that are Cafemom...those ladies are shrill and usually a little dumb. Their short little rants also leave me thinking less of them than whomever they are writing about.
I also have no clue who Elizabeth Banks is...but I'm thinking she herself just didn't feel like a real mom when she had one child...who was being tended to by nannies and other household help. Maybe number 2 infringed on her a little more and she started to grasp her own mommyhood. Heck, I know someone who hasn't had her child yet, but thinks she's a selfless mommy already because she got a flu shot. (It's going to be a long six more months with that one! LOL) | |
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Julee
=)
PeaNut 171,562
October 2004
Posts: 10,045
Layouts: 0
Loc: The 'Nati
 | Posted: 2/7/2013 9:46:18 AM
I've heard people say that one child is just an "accessory" like a purse, it can go wherever you go
Except to fancy restaurants and wedding receptions!
Just to be clear - I am not one of those moms. I did/do not take my only child accessory everywhere. I just thought the idea above was funny after the many threads here about other people's children. And I don't think Annabella thinks that - she said she's heard people say it. |
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Mary Mary
NOT IN UTAH
PeaNut 140,474
April 2004
Posts: 34,769
Layouts: 13
Loc: Pemberley
| Posted: 2/7/2013 9:50:24 AM
So, I'm confused. She didn't actually say anything about parents of only children being fake moms. She just said how hard it is having two. She didn't say she wasn't a real mom when she had one, just how much busier and harder it is now. Perhaps she phrased things badly, but I don't think her statement warrants any outrage.
But, maybe I just like her from seeing her on 30Rock. Also, I have a tendency to blabber mouth and embarrass myself, so I can relate. |
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Annabella
Leads a Charmed Life
PeaNut 43,843
July 2002
Posts: 42,249
Layouts: 46
Loc: East Coast
 | Posted: 2/7/2013 9:51:23 AM
I googled because I couldn't remember what celebrity said that but I found this expression "one child is an accessory. two children is a lifestyle". The idea is one child is much easier and doesn't derail you too much from your lifestyle, like a vacation is easier with just one verses more. |
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KikiNichole
HandSlapPea Pea
PeaNut 69,597
February 2003
Posts: 27,022
Layouts: 2
Loc: Follow the Yellow Brick Road
| Posted: 2/7/2013 10:02:18 AM
oh please. The writer of the "rant" seems overly sensitive about the issue. I swear, people are looking to be offended over everything anymore.
I agree. And there is NO more sensitive creature in the world than a mother who doesn't feel properly respected.
She might be a bit out of touch from the every day, ordinary mother, but I think we can all agree...children are work. And when you double the number, you double the work. I don't think it's a slam, it's just simple math. |
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moveablefeast
do justice, love mercy
PeaNut 265,707
June 2006
Posts: 11,118
Layouts: 0
Loc: Northern Virginia
 | Posted: 2/7/2013 10:44:54 AM
The idea is one child is much easier and doesn't derail you too much from your lifestyle, like a vacation is easier with just one verses more.
I have an only, so maybe I don't know anything. But this seems backwards to me. I think having ANY number of children derails your pre-children lifestyle. (And I think people who think having only one doesn't really derail your life are the ones who will get the rudest awakening when the time actually comes.)
I would imagine that having more children is harder than having only one. But with no kids, you come and go as you please. With even one, you have to think about supplies, babysitters, carseats, strollers, sleep schedules, the whole deal. With two or more, you still have to think about those things, albeit with more complexity.
A friend of mine says one changes your life, two changes your mobility, three or more outnumber you and you just run after them all the time.
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lnortham
PeaNut
PeaNut 367,301
March 2008
Posts: 117
Layouts: 0
 | Posted: 2/7/2013 11:08:27 AM
My Sis in law told me that once. I don't think she meant any offense, she was just thinking about herself, not about my situation with nearly losing both my life and my sweet daughter's life during childbirth and then struggling with infertility ever since. She also told me once that I don't understand what she has to go through when her husband leaves town for a week on business, mind you that she said this while my husband was on a year long tour in Iraq. My point is that most of the time people say things because they are thinking only of themselves. They mean no offense and I could have had every right to be hurt, upset and angry with her words. In the end what does that get me? Hurt, upset and angry that is what I could have had. No thank you then, no thank you now. | |
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pudgy_groundhog
Chubby old groundhog
PeaNut 113,457
October 2003
Posts: 16,080
Layouts: 351
Loc: Hudson Valley area in NY
| Posted: 2/7/2013 11:15:17 AM
The idea is one child is much easier and doesn't derail you too much from your lifestyle, like a vacation is easier with just one verses more.
I have an only, so maybe I don't know anything. But this seems backwards to me. I think having ANY number of children derails your pre-children lifestyle. (And I think people who think having only one doesn't really derail your life are the ones who will get the rudest awakening when the time actually comes.)
I have an only as well, so can't speak to multiples. But friends have told me the first child was the biggest adjustment, after that, while logistics might be more complex, it wasn't as big of a change.
Having a child was obviously a big change and I felt the change hardest in the early years. My daughter is five now and we've reached a nice equilibrium. While having a child is obviously different from our pre-kid life, I do feel one is more manageable in ways for us personally (particular in regards to travel and finances). |
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scorPEAo
AncestralPea
PeaNut 181,836
December 2004
Posts: 4,980
Layouts: 0
Loc: YouSeeDavis
| Posted: 2/7/2013 11:34:04 AM
The idea is one child is much easier and doesn't derail you too much from your lifestyle, like a vacation is easier with just one verses more.
Sorry, but as a parent of an only I beg to differ with this. When I go on vacation with my dd I am her sole form of entertainment; there is never downtime. With two kids, while they may fight, they do play/entertain each other, giving parents a much needed break.
I'm not arguing that one child isn't easier overall, but in some respects it IS harder. |
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peasful1
Needs a New Pea Title
PeaNut 44,870
August 2002
Posts: 14,166
Layouts: 1
Loc: Valley of the Sun
| Posted: 2/7/2013 11:55:39 AM
Meh. I think she poorly conveyed what she was trying to say. But I kind of get it, even as a mom of three kids.
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"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself." -- Wayne Dyer
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mom_to_a_girl
AncestralPea
PeaNut 97,416
July 2003
Posts: 4,627
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 2/7/2013 12:04:31 PM
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The idea is one child is much easier and doesn't derail you too much from your lifestyle, like a vacation is easier with just one verses more.
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I have an only, so maybe I don't know anything. But this seems backwards to me. I think having ANY number of children derails your pre-children lifestyle. (And I think people who think having only one doesn't really derail your life are the ones who will get the rudest awakening when the time actually comes.)
I would imagine that having more children is harder than having only one. But with no kids, you come and go as you please. With even one, you have to think about supplies, babysitters, carseats, strollers, sleep schedules, the whole deal. With two or more, you still have to think about those things, albeit with more complexity.
I would agree with this. IMO, parenting an only can be harder sometimes. On vacations, dh and I are the source of play and entertainment. We haven't yet reached the age where she takes a friend yet. An only doesn't learn how to verbally joust with another kid. That can be important for sticking up for themselves in school. | |
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*Angela
Go Tarheels!
PeaNut 90,289
June 2003
Posts: 9,577
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 2/7/2013 12:04:36 PM
Since I've never heard of or recognize her, IMHO she's not "really" a celebrity! 
Given I've never seen nor heard of her, I'm unfamiliar with her personality. Perhaps the statements were made in jest or simply an attempt to relate to the magazine's audience (i.e. In addition to being a Hollywood A-list actress, I'm also a parent who deals with interrupted sleep, dishes, & ruined nails - just like you!). | |
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MerryMom937
PeaFixture
PeaNut 472,567
June 2010
Posts: 3,076
Layouts: 0
 | Posted: 2/7/2013 12:12:03 PM
I'm not a fan of Elizabeth Banks.
I think she was trying to make a funny point, but failed miserably. I think she was trying to say that there is more work when you have an additional child(ren). That does not translate that those with 1 child are "less of a mom".
As the mother of 1 son, I do consider myself a mom, but I agree that moms with more than 1 child have more work, more juggling of schedules, etc. to do than I.
Her comments don't get me riled up and honestly would not even have registered.
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~*kristina*~
Typical Liberal Pea
PeaNut 55,230
November 2002
Posts: 17,507
Layouts: 106
Loc: Hawkeye Nation
| Posted: 2/7/2013 12:33:21 PM
As the mother of 1 son, I do consider myself a mom, but I agree that moms with more than 1 child have more work, more juggling of schedules, etc. to do than I.
Her comments don't get me riled up and honestly would not even have registered.
ITA. There were a couple of reasons why my husband and I decided to have an only and other opinions on why we made the decision don't even register on my radar. |
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back to *pea*ality
PeaFixture
PeaNut 471,633
June 2010
Posts: 3,700
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 2/7/2013 12:56:53 PM
LOL - will tell my son I am just a figment of his imagination then! | |
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peasful1
Needs a New Pea Title
PeaNut 44,870
August 2002
Posts: 14,166
Layouts: 1
Loc: Valley of the Sun
| Posted: 2/7/2013 1:01:06 PM
I have an only, so maybe I don't know anything. But this seems backwards to me. I think having ANY number of children derails your pre-children lifestyle.
To a degree, yes. But when we only had one, when he was a baby and napped on the weekend, for example, we could nap. We could easily pick him, put him in a sling and go anywhere at any time. I breastfed, so taking off was super easy. Two is more complicated. Baby would nap, but older one no longer napped. It required more juggling of time and attention. Three even moreso in some ways, because mom and dad are now outnumbered! but in other ways, it was like being back to one since the older two are more self-sufficient.
Our friends have an only. Their life is decidedly simpler than ours with three. But, in some ways, even though we are often running around like crazy, our lives are simpler because our kids have each other. |
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"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself." -- Wayne Dyer
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Annabella
Leads a Charmed Life
PeaNut 43,843
July 2002
Posts: 42,249
Layouts: 46
Loc: East Coast
| Posted: 2/7/2013 1:05:10 PM
I have an only, so maybe I don't know anything. But this seems backwards to me. I think having ANY number of children derails your pre-children lifestyle. (And I think people who think having only one doesn't really derail your life are the ones who will get the rudest awakening when the time actually comes.)
You're reading way too much into it. One of anything is always easier than more. Walking one dog is easier than walking 3. |
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*KAS*
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 408,684
January 2009
Posts: 6,735
Layouts: 0
Loc: Georgia girl
 | Posted: 2/7/2013 1:18:10 PM
This seems like one of those conversations where a non-parent shouldn't really try to tell a parent what is easier, in my opinion.
I've heard people say that one child is just an "accessory" like a purse
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But I wish I knew this! I really want a kid, but I thought it was important to get married first. But if it's just an accessory, I should get to work! Nobody blinks when I buy a scarf!  |
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KELLI
Had to delete my old account, but I've been here since July 2006! | |
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**Angie**
Pea Who Should Be Cleaning!
PeaNut 145,006
May 2004
Posts: 10,835
Layouts: 91
Loc: at home in front of the computer
| Posted: 2/7/2013 4:15:50 PM
She lost her nails because she had to do dishes and clean bottles?? Guess they weren't *real* in the first place. |
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*Delphinium Twinkle*
I'm just a pea:)
PeaNut 163,613
August 2004
Posts: 68,139
Layouts: 236
Loc: *Sunny Southern California*
| Posted: 2/7/2013 4:37:12 PM
I had an only for 13 years then had DS.
In my case, having two was no harder than having one.
Although maybe that's because of the age span between my kids |
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jalapenette
BucketHead
PeaNut 415,025
March 2009
Posts: 656
Layouts: 43
Loc: Southwest USA
| Posted: 2/7/2013 5:12:54 PM
I think age does make a big difference on how having more kids complicates things. I have two very small ones, and it is a LOT of work because they both need pretty constant attention, and you can't leave them alone together even for a second in fear that the two year old will try to play with the six month old and hurt him by accident.
It becomes very difficult to give the baby naps, because the two-year old wants to play, wants to climb on me, wants to "wake tommy UP!"
Bedtime is tricky, because they are both tired and the two-year old needs his bedtime routine but sometimes the baby screams while I'm trying to read them a story. Can't put the baby down and leave the toddler unsupervised, but can't just stick the toddler in bed or else HE will scream.
Going anywhere without DH is nearly impossible. I have two kids, but only one set of arms! It's HARD getting the kids in the car without the toddler running off.
I love it, and wouldn't have it any other way, but it IS a lot more work than when I just had my older son. |
-Rachelle
*Mommy to Adam, born October 2010, and Tommy, July 2012*
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julieberg
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 160,179
July 2004
Posts: 6,442
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 2/7/2013 5:35:37 PM
Elizabeth Banks is no Hollywood airhead. I would bet she was laughing when she made that statement.
I agree. | |
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emmafrost
BucketHead
PeaNut 486,917
November 2010
Posts: 596
Layouts: 0
Loc: Maryland
| Posted: 2/7/2013 5:57:16 PM
Elizabeth who?
Exactly, but now, we know.. |
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Iowa girl
PeaFixture
PeaNut 42,611
July 2002
Posts: 3,946
Layouts: 14
Loc: Iowa!
| Posted: 2/7/2013 8:58:49 PM
I won't speak for the any other mom's of only one, but I, personally, think I am probably quicker to respond to some of these comments because I hear them constantly. I do live in a small town where large families are still very common,but I rarely make it a week without some comment about the fact we only have one child.
I don't assume to know what having multiple children is like and, save a miracle, I probably won't (not because I don't want that experience). And, I think it is one of those times it is best just to avoid making assumptions. I can tell you that having an only hurts my heart sometimes. My daughter asked Santa for a sibling when she was younger. She wrote a paper about our cat when assigned to write about a sibling.
As a rule I find it best to assume everyone has their own struggles and to respect that instead of making things a competition.
Laura | |
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Lindapinda
PeaAddict
PeaNut 132,835
February 2004
Posts: 1,240
Layouts: 6
Loc: Norway
| Posted: 2/8/2013 1:57:37 AM
In Norway we have this well known saying: One is like zero, and two is like ten.
For us personally it definitely made sense. Our firs child was a breeze. We put him to bed without a fuzz and had to wake him in the morning. He was easy going, and we could take him with us everywhere. Then came the maelstrom little sister
I was every bit as much a mother when I had just one child. But I have to admit, I didn't know how much work it could be until I had two. | |
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roseredd
PeaNut
PeaNut 425,241
June 2009
Posts: 414
Layouts: 0
 | Posted: 2/8/2013 11:39:47 AM
I think Bill Cosby said the same thing a while back. When you have the 2nd child the 1st has someone to blame. "Did you do that?" "No, must have been 2."
Having #2 means #1 has someone to fight with. I was taking my DD and neighbors son to a program at the library and they fought the whole way. It was I didn't do it, he did. She touched me first. I had DD sit by her door and neighbor by his and if anything met in the middle I was going to cut it off.
I only have one DD but I still consider myself a parent. My wallet definitely feels it since she is now in college.
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Epeanymous
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 15,108
May 2001
Posts: 2,159
Layouts: 1
 | Posted: 2/8/2013 11:56:48 AM
My mom was very sensitive about having an only child, so I feel like I watch out for comments, but at one seems more like the overwhelmed-yikes kind of comment than a put-down.
I had an only for almost four years, and now have five. I chose this and love it. I'm not looking to be a martyr or get a medal. I will say that having one child was less work. | |
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