I'm so sad. DH continually disturbs my sleeping. Don't know what to do.

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Posted 2/7/2013 by SweetieBugs in NSBR Board
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PeaNut 131,100
February 2004
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Posted: 2/7/2013 11:30:24 PM
DH is a loud snorer. I believe he suffers from sleep apnea, he is in denial. I drink sleepytime tea every night and I have bought sleep music on my iPod and listen to it. It helps me get into the deep sleep level.

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PeaNut 168,696
September 2004
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Posted: 2/7/2013 11:56:39 PM
When you snore, you are losing REM time( deep sleep with dreams) that's essential for good health.

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PeaNut 118,825
December 2003
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Posted: 2/8/2013 12:10:52 AM
If all else fails, don't feel bad about sleeping apart. We have slept two floors apart for years for a lot of reasons, such as dh gets up at an absolutely ungodly hour, and he wants to sleep with 70 pounds of blankets on the bed while I like a sheet and a fan going in the winter. Plus, he just doesn't understand that the right side of the bed is mine.


PeaNut 23,192
October 2001
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Posted: 2/8/2013 12:58:27 AM
My husband and I sleep in separate rooms. Have for several months now. And guess what? Our closeness and intimacy have gone UP since, because we are both finally getting enough sleep!

Seriously, it has been a marriage saver. I would definitely show him all these ladies who do it and don't have "marital issues". After all, it used to be the social norm that if you could afford it you had separate bedrooms, and only poor couples slept in the same room. And the divorce rate was much lower.


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PeaNut 7,161
October 2000
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Posted: 2/8/2013 1:27:57 AM
I'm just going to pointblank few things that are starting to help in our bedroom..

Silent GERD was an issue. Not an obvious case of GERD, just the little constant cough or clearing of the throat after typical trigger foods that would set obvious GERD sufferers off. So, some stomach mess it was....

Allergens (seasonal or other), especially because we liked to have the window open for cool air or "white noise". Window is closed. Had fan running on floor but figured out it still blew allergens in the room around. Enter our new friend the Marpec DOHM sound conditioner. Wow! That little guy is worth his price in gold!

Humidifier to add moisture into the air in the room. I personally chose the Elephant one.... cause he's cute! And he is named Elliot...so we joke about "Who gets to 'turn on Elliot tonight?'"

I'll be honest when I say.... DH snores some (less now with weight loss).
But I am now the current offender of the spotlight. Weight gain, allergies, meds. causing dry mouth/snoring and Im already a sleep talker to boot. Yep... fun, fun, fun!! But we had to figure it out....

It's all just nonsense anyway!

PeaNut 97,456
July 2003
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Posted: 2/8/2013 2:33:31 AM

Plus, he just doesn't understand that the right side of the bed is mine.


PeaNut 130,936
February 2004
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Posted: 2/8/2013 2:57:40 AM
I totally understand your situation. I've tried everything too. When my house empties of adult children again, I'm moving into a spare room. Dh has been told. He fights in his sleep, I am tired of being his punching/kicking bag. He has chronic sleep apnoea, uses a cpap and still snores badly. After ten years of crappy sleep, he's been given notice! I've tried growling, pushing, ear plugs, sleep meds... Nothing helps.
I think you need to work out what works best for you and don't feel guilty over the decision.
I'm a light sleeper too, so know what it's like to always be woken up and not sleep after 3am. Sucks, huh. Just do what suits your family best. And get tests for both of you if that gives you peace of mind.

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PeaNut 114,407
November 2003
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Posted: 2/8/2013 5:00:58 AM

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PeaNut 286,882
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Posted: 2/8/2013 8:17:18 AM

He isn't good about be disiplined enough to take it every day and he basically stopped taking it a few years ago.

How about if you sort of take responsibility for making sure he takes the medication by handing him the pill at breakfast or dinner? If it is in the long run going to help YOU sleep, I don't see anything wrong with you taking responsibility for getting him to take the med.

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PeaNut 526,154
October 2011
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Posted: 2/8/2013 8:31:57 AM
It sounds like the problem is mainly that you are a very light sleeper, can't wear ear plugs, can't take sleeping aids, and have insomnia. What is a husband supposed to do when all that is an issue? I have lived with a light sleeper before and it was terrible.

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PeaNut 174,150
October 2004
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Posted: 2/8/2013 8:46:49 AM

When you snore, you are losing REM time( deep sleep with dreams) that's essential for good health.

This is simply not true. You can snore during REM sleep.

Here is a good article talking about snoring and how it is not all sleep apnea related. Of course it is good to be checked if snoring is a major issue. Still not sure why some think the op needs a sleep study done. Insomnia is not a reason for a sleep study.


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PeaNut 18,741
July 2001
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Posted: 2/8/2013 9:06:07 AM
You can add me to the list of folks who finds it necessary to sleep elsewhere at times. In addition to snoring (which was greatly reduced when he lost a considerable amount of weight), I also deal with "restless leg syndrome". The man twitches and jerks in sleep like crazy. Finally, I've had to dodge more than my share of punches and kicks, and sometimes I'm not very successful in my dodge efforts.

Lastly, his job requires a very early rise to leave for work. He is very regimented in making sure he gets to bed at an optimal time so generally is in bed between 7:30 and 8:00pm. I feel guilty going in and climbing in 2 hours or more later, likely disturbing him just as he gets into a deep part of sleep.

You have to do what you have to do. I think we're often so bent on having that "storybook" or "harlequin romance" type of relationship that we ask too much of ourselves and our spouses. Life just doesn't work that way.



PeaNut 56,437
November 2002
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Posted: 2/8/2013 9:08:49 AM
benem--I take full 50% responsibility for this issue. I am a light sleeper but I have used ear plugs for 7 years and will until I die. I tried over 10 different brands until I found something that worked blocking as much noise as possible and didn't kill my ears.

We use the house fan in the warm months and that is nice white noise but running a fan in the winter is too cold and DH doesn't like any artifical noise I've tried.

I've tried Ambien, Tylenol PM, antihistamens, and none of them work properly. They make me feel very "drugged" but do not put me to sleep or keep me to sleep. Then, I wake with a hangover that I feel the entire next day. I still do take an Ambien every few weeks on the weekend to try to catch up but it only helps a little.

I've discussed all of this and my bladder issue with my doctor. I've been on thyroid meds and an oral birth control for low progesterone but it hasn't improved my sleeping at all.

I sleep so lightly that I think in my sleep. All night long I am thinking up quilting ideads and solving work problems. It is crazy.

I feel I am doing everything that I can do about my issue.

My DH doesn't seem to feel he needs to address his issues. However, I made it clear to him that after his parents visit this weekend, one of us is in the guest room for a while to see how that works out. The guest room isn't very comfortable so it's not a great solution but way better than the couch. This morning he started his throat clearing at about 5:10. I told him last night if he did it again at 4:45 (the exact time he did it the past 3 nights in a row), my pillow was going to go over his head (just kidding of corse). Before going to work, he did say he would start taking his allergy meds again. His throat clearing is something that I've always wondered what people at work think of. It would drive me crazy to sit near someone that does that all the time at work!!!

ETA-I can't believe I've left this out. The previous post reminded me. My DH twitches in his sleep something terrible as well. It feels like an earthquake. He rubs one foot or leg with the other and it makes the whole bed go shakey-shakey-shakey. That wakes me up from a dead sleep as well. He says his legs are itchy. So, I say "put some lotion on". Geez.

the lunatics have taken over the asylum

PeaNut 25,135
November 2001
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Posted: 2/8/2013 9:23:15 AM
I'm a light sleeper to begin with and am now in perimenopause with the lovely night sweats that go along with it. DH sleeps like a log, but has sleep apnea and restless legs. We slept in different rooms for years. Recently, we bought a new bed. We upgraded from a double to a king. We got a really great mattress, nice sheets, and good pillows, so now our bed is super comfortable and cozy. Additionally, we bought blackout curtains so the room stays dark. Some nights, I take an herbal supplement that is a combination of melatonin and tryptophan. I also take Estroven to help with the night sweats. And I play soothing music at night.

I also try to have good sleep habits, like not eating chocolate or having caffeine in the evening, not watching or reading anything engaging or stressful before bed, not having stressful conversations before bed, etc. And I try to get some exercise every day so my body is tired. Now, as long as dh wears his cpap and stays on his side of the bed, we both can sleep together and I usually get semi-decent sleep.

Good luck!



PeaNut 399,301
November 2008
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Posted: 2/8/2013 11:45:17 AM
It sounds like the poor man doesn't do anything but irritate you in bed. You've added a lot of additional information to prove how annoying he is to you.

I think you need to sleep in the guest room since you're such a delicate flower. Hope you can find the rest you need there.


PeaNut 9,640
January 2001
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Posted: 2/8/2013 11:53:18 AM

You have to do what you have to do. I think we're often so bent on having that "storybook" or "harlequin romance" type of relationship that we ask too much of ourselves and our spouses. Life just doesn't work that way.

Thank you . There's nothing sad about me and DH sleeping in separate rooms, because that's what we're doing - SLEEPING. It certainly hasn't affected our intimacy. Me being a raging bitch because I haven't gotten enough good sleep does that .


PeaNut 118,730
December 2003
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Posted: 2/8/2013 12:22:42 PM
Others have probably already suggested this because there are two pages of comments, but he really needs to get a sleep study. In the meantime can you sleep in a seperate bedroom?

How about you, Lash LaRue?

PeaNut 51,689
October 2002
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Loc: Melbourne, Australia

Posted: 2/8/2013 5:00:03 PM

My DH twitches in his sleep something terrible as well. It feels like an earthquake. He rubs one foot or leg with the other and it makes the whole bed go shakey-shakey-shakey.

When we got our new King size bed last year, one of the selling points was 'no partner disturbance'. In our old bed, whenever DSO turned over it felt like a freakin tidal wave! Now he can practically jump onto the bed and I don't feel him!!

But I still think you should try separate beds, just for a few night at least.


PeaNut 153,004
June 2004
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Posted: 2/8/2013 5:09:07 PM
Breathe right strips. Seriously. Have made a huge difference in the way both of us sleep.

A bigger bed can help tremendously as well. A white noise machine can block out a lot.

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