| |
Compwalla
Pastafarian Pea
PeaNut 11,942
March 2001
Posts: 19,839
Layouts: 39
Loc: Vacaville, CA
 |  Posted: 2/8/2013 11:10:29 AM
I don't think it's unreasonable that they won't move him until he's potty trained but the pressure on you as a mom to make it happen faster would upset me. I had a stubborn one also. He was past three and flat-out refused to use the potty. He just wasn't having it. We went through so much stress and heartache and frustration and finally I just gave up. Eventually he'd use the toilet and I was sick of the battles over it and we decided to let things happen in their own time.
He was in the twos room at preschool and his friends, one by one, were training and graduating to the threes room. He was really upset about his best friend leaving his room for another class and went on and on about how the other class got to ride tricycles outside and why was Frankie allowed to ride tricycles and he wasn't and it wasn't fair, etc.
I told him straight up, "Frankie uses the potty and kids who use the potty get to go to the threes room where they have tricycles. You don't use the potty and you can't be in Frankie's class until you do." About a week later he jumped up from the table at lunch and went to use the potty at home. He never used a diaper again.
If I was in your shoes, I'd tell the school you get that he can't move up until he's trained but you're going to let it happen at your child's pace and you don't want them pressuring or shaming him (or you) over the toileting issue. If they can't agree to that, I'd switch schools.
|
Virginia
I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires. --Susan B. Anthony
Blog link - Dryer Lint
Aprons and More | |
|
|
junniper
.
PeaNut 128,304
February 2004
Posts: 8,774
Layouts: 139
Loc: USA
 | Posted: 2/8/2013 12:49:14 PM
I think part of the problem is that when a child moves from a toddler room to a preschool aged room the teacher/child ratio changes. So instead of 1 adult to 6 children as in a toddler room it might change to 1 adult to 9 children in a 3 year old room.
I think the reason why they think it would be best for you to attempt to potty train while he is in the toddler classroom is because the toddler teachers will better be able to support the process due to lower ratio/more experience with potty training.
From my point of view, these are THEIR rules, not mine. So it's THEIR problem that DS can't move to the next class.
They have rules for the safety and wellbeing of the entire group. It is hard to care for several toddlers/preschoolers at once. If everyone attended daycare and followed their own family rules instead of the rules for the group it would be pure chaos. This is why it is so important to chose a center that has a similar philosophy as you do.
|
|
|
Oh No!
BucketHead
PeaNut 82,790
April 2003
Posts: 788
Layouts: 0
 | Posted: 2/8/2013 2:05:05 PM
I'm guessing that changing diapers for a 45 pounder would make ME keep reminding the mother that this needs to happen. That would be hard to handle.
Having no real time line for him to move along in development is great, IF you are the only one who has to provide care. Maybe you should just stay home with him until he is ready. | |
|
lindywholoveskids
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 168,696
September 2004
Posts: 7,195
Layouts: 0
Loc: Northern California
 | Posted: 2/8/2013 2:42:00 PM
no need to be critical of the OP.
There are many kids in diapers at this age, and most of all, he should not be made to feel negative about it.
If the teachers/caregivers are constantly talking to the OP -I wonder what they are saying to the child.
Sorry, I would find another preschool that is Developmentally Appropriate, and is specific about their program /reaching out to all children and their individual needs. | |
|
batya
Making the WWW better, one post at a time.
PeaNut 59,094
December 2002
Posts: 31,838
Layouts: 24
Loc: up on my high horse
| Posted: 2/8/2013 2:51:16 PM
The OP is paying them for a service the provide. If it is inconvenient for them, they should tell her so and that they can no longer have a place for him. What's happening is they want it easiest on them and they don't want to lose the $$$. They have to decide, do they want the money? Do they provide this service? If they don't then say so. She can find somewhere else that does.
It doesn't matter if he is a larger, older child. No one said their job would be easy or that everyone would be on the same schedules. If that was their expectation, OP needed to be informed of that. She is ok with their restrictions and said so.
Now, if they want him trained so badly, they can figure out how to do it b/c it is obviously an imposition on them more than it is on the OP. That's what happened with my friend's DS in nursery school. School policy was 3s did not have to be potty trained. But this one teacher we had kept pestering my friend about her DS who happened to be the youngest in the class. He was resistant. The mom was annoyed that the teacher didn't let up when school policy was that 3s could be in diapers. So the teacher made it her mission to get him trained. It worked. |
OK. Newbie. This is how it works. If your post consists of 80% sanity, 10% stupidity and 10% all kinds of crazy, we immediately focus on the 20% b/c it discredits the 80%.
| |
|
|
KristinL16
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 142,870
April 2004
Posts: 12,263
Layouts: 102
Loc: MN
| Posted: 2/8/2013 4:07:48 PM
So far all of my kids were a few months past three when they were trained. IMO, I think the preschool is more concerned about moving him up to the older room so they can move another child to his spot and so on. I personally don't agree with rushing potty training and wouldn't agree with their pressuring you/him on this issue. I would look more closely at their rules for the three year old room and older and see if you are in agreement with their rules and expectations. It may not be the right place for your son. |
|
|
caroscraps
7 Sweetpeas for me
PeaNut 20,301
August 2001
Posts: 11,685
Layouts: 0
Loc: The PEAch State
 | Posted: 2/8/2013 4:19:04 PM
I am a preschool teacher of just turned 3 year olds. Out of 12, only one is not potty trained. Only one wears a diaper and no one wears pull ups. Eleven of them can pull their pants and underwear down, get on the potty, get off the potty and pull up their underwear, then pants.
In our school, a child cannot be in the 3 year old class, those that are 3 before Sept. 1st, unless they are fully trained, no pull ups.
The other young 3 year old class also has 12 trained children. |
<>< <>< <><
****************************************************
********************************************
| |
|
|
maryannscraps
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 75,215
March 2003
Posts: 6,387
Layouts: 2
Loc: massachusetts
| Posted: 2/8/2013 4:39:32 PM
I stressed out with my first. Worried and worked on training because my MIL was insanely insistent about it. She didn't train until about 3-1/2. I left my younger one until he was developmentally ready and lo-and-behold, he trained at 3-1/2.
The preschool didn't have any rules about diapers, but if they had, I'd probably have moved the kids somewhere else. It really wasn't worth the stress with #1. She's now in college, doing great, and doesn't wear diapers.
I found that was one of those things that kids would do when they were ready -- anywhere between 2 and 4. Or 9 months if you ask my MIL, LOL. And I'm pretty sure that both my kids would have taught themselves how to use the potty by age 4 if I hadn't shown them. Seriously, nobody goes to the prom wearing diapers. | |
|
SweetPeasMom
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 186,656
January 2005
Posts: 7,708
Layouts: 7
Loc: GRITS
| Posted: 2/8/2013 4:51:02 PM
Your child is older than the kids in the class and much bigger. I'd have an issue if my child were one of the other ones in the class. There is a huge difference between a just turned 2 yo and a just turned 3 yo. By 3, I was working on potty training my kids. They were going into a 3 yo pre-k program and it was required. I don't remember about being able to dress themselves. I'm sure I helped on that part for some time after that age. But the potty training was a bigger deal. |
|
|
APMom
PeaNut
PeaNut 442,006
October 2009
Posts: 162
Layouts: 0
 | Posted: 2/8/2013 5:41:09 PM
I've 6 children and they've all been trained well before they were three. If I waited 'til they were ready 2 of them wouldn't have been done til they were 3. None of mine were in daycare but all went to preschool by 2yrs 10mths and it's standard to be trained before then. No preschool will take a child in nappies. I also coach kinder gym and we won't take children in nappies (diapers).
A mom in our mother & toddler group from Eastern Europe was telling me how surprised she was that our kids weren't trained til they were 2.5 years or older. In Poland they were all 2 when they trained, by 2 I mean 2 years exactly and not 2 years 11 mts.
| |
|
scrappin jen
PeaAddict
PeaNut 111,615
October 2003
Posts: 1,345
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 2/8/2013 6:07:57 PM
Honestly, while respect your parenting style of letting him develop in his own time, it is true that by 3 there is an expectation to be potty trained. All preschools around here require it for admission and daycare facilities as well. I have 5 kids and all were potty trained by then or just before/after. Socially and devlopmentally being in a peer group of kids his age is equally important. To hold him back with 2 years old means he won't have as many other kids to talk to/interact with who are at his level. So there are 2 sides to the coin- you are preserving yet hindering his development if he is with a 25 month old all day instead of engaging with kids his own age who he can play with. I am not sure how many hours a day he is there- but as a mom that would concern me more than the potty issue.
I have 5 kids and I do know they all do things in their own time, but they also need guidance and expectations from you. My 2 yr. 2 month old is working on dressing skills each day and starting to explore the potty. It is not being pushed but she is on a track to be ready to be trained by 3 like her brothers and sisters were. It is part of parenting to encourage them to expand their skills-even if it takes a little longer and is frustrating at first. To say you have no real time line seems to be expecting him to show and interest or develop a skill on his own- he may not do that for a while. I think you have great teachable moments at his age and they will work in your favor. The 3's can be much harder IMHO than the 2's as they gain a voice/opinion. They are not as easily distractable or redirectable as he might be today. If he digs in at 3 1/2 and won't train because he doesn't want to....you'll have another mountain to climb. It's kind of like taking a bottle or pacifier away before they have a name for them and can ask/notice it's gone.
I think while you may resent them reminding you-and I really do get that. My kids my choices type of thing..... but as a seasoned mom I can tell you they just might be on to something. You may want to reconsider.
| |
|
alittleintrepid
PeaAddict
PeaNut 345,847
November 2007
Posts: 1,767
Layouts: 0
 | Posted: 2/8/2013 6:25:42 PM
I would ask them why they are raising the issue. It may be that they think that YOU want your son moved to the 3 year class.
I think boys often train later than girls too. | |
|
Kerri W
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 7,171
October 2000
Posts: 7,934
Layouts: 0
Loc: Kentucky
| Posted: 2/8/2013 6:46:32 PM
I work at a kids morning out program in the birth to 2 yr room. Our kids for the most part don't move over to the 3 yo room until they at least have a decent handle on potty training. But...
Something that is hugely important in our program and I feel is being overlooked here, is that there is a big difference in maturity between 2 and 3. By 2.5 most of our kids *need* to move over. Their play becomes a little too rough for the younger kids. They need to be challenged more than what we do in our room. They are no longer satisfied with long periods of free play, a story, snack and a period of time in the gym. They need more structured activities. And when they don't get them they tend to be a handful. Not in a bad kid way, but in a bored kid way.
I'm assuming you knew the requirements when you enrolled your child. Of course it's your prerogative to not like the way their program is structured and go elsewhere. It's also their prerogative to run the program the way they feel is best. While we are sad on a personal level to see a child go we don't stress over it because that spot will fill quickly. You may just be discovering this program is no longer the best fit for you. | |
|
*Delphinium Twinkle*
I'm just a pea:)
PeaNut 163,613
August 2004
Posts: 68,302
Layouts: 236
Loc: *Sunny Southern California*
| Posted: 2/8/2013 11:29:11 PM
"From my point of view, these are THEIR rules, not mine. So it's THEIR problem"
See, yes it is their problem... But it's also yours.
If it doesn't matter to you then maybe you should find another daycare that's more lenient
Good luck with whatever you decide. |
|
|
KristenFNJ
PeaAddict
PeaNut 272,058
August 2006
Posts: 1,252
Layouts: 0
Loc: New Jersey
 | Posted: 2/9/2013 11:07:35 AM
I think there is a big BIG difference between Preschool and Daycare. When they have your child for 3ish hrs and the objective of the relationship is to grow the child's social world and introduce them to a school environment and preschool curriculum content, I can completely get on board with strict rules regarding the potty.
However, when the objective of the relationship is that they are your child's primary caregiver for a significant portion of the day/week, and are responsible for not just forwarding their social and academic development but also their healthy physical and emotional development, healthy attachments and self esteem, and nurturing that child's unique needs, (for probably a pretty significant price!) then they need to have flexibility built into their guidelines to meet the needs of children who don't fit into their "box" of age appropriate development. Yes, it's age appropriate for a 3yo to be potty trained, not unreasonable at all. But it IS unreasonable to expect EVERY child to comply with the timeline, simply because the clock ticked and yesterday they were 2 and today they were 3. That's unreasonable. To deny that child to opportunity to experience the age-appropriate curriculum if they are ready for it, and to deprive them of relationships that they enjoy and/or rely on with their peers, because one kid potty trained "on time" and one kid didn't, is poor caregiving. Period. If they are professional caregivers, they should have done the reading and know that it's not only not necessary developmentally, but it can be damaging to a child to force a child to potty train or punish them for not.
I know there are many more factors that go into choosing a daycare above and beyond potty training rules, so I couldn't possibly tell you to ditch this daycare. If they're wonderful to your child, if they are bonded and your kid loves it there, I can't say you should fall on the sword over this. But if they're that good, I would sure be in there trying to talk reason into them. If there are other things that don't feel right beyond this potty training issue, well then I would take that as a red flag and consider looking around for a better option. Again, this isn't just preschool, this is daycare. | |
|
lindywholoveskids
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 168,696
September 2004
Posts: 7,195
Layouts: 0
Loc: Northern California
| Posted: 2/9/2013 11:57:10 AM
DAP = Developmentally Appropriate Program.
If the teachers, caregivers don't know what this is, it's clear that they don't have education in Early Childhood Education.
This has been interesting.
I always taught with the Whole Child in mind..and that meant that if certain parts of his/her development was ahead or "behind"..that was normal. Of course, there are milestones that should be met. If they are not met in a span of a few months, then it's time to start to look for answers or evaluations.
This OP's son is fine. The school may not be a good match. | |
|
NYRican71
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 62,328
January 2003
Posts: 8,281
Layouts: 0
Loc: Viva Las Vegas!
| Posted: 2/9/2013 8:58:58 PM
Every child is different.
My oldest was fully trained at 3. No issues, no pull ups. We used the potty here and there as he wanted to but on his third birthday we said u are a big boy bought him some cool undies and he was on board.
My second one decided he didn't want to wear diapers when he was 2.5.
The school said we were required to buy pull ups so they could train him at 2. I said no we won't.
Not everyone is ready.
My first could dress himself by three. My younger son is 3.5 and still needs help. He broke his right arm twice and it really held him back. We arent rushing that either.
My friend didn't have her son trained until a week before going to kindergarten. He s fine. Don't push him or your self. |
My sweet baby boy 4 days old | |
|
|
melanell
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 26,836
January 2002
Posts: 14,484
Layouts: 86
| Posted: 2/9/2013 9:08:15 PM
My DS will be 3 in late April.
He can dress himself on his own. (Because he is totally into changing his clothes umpteen times a day. He had to learn, because I wasn't going to give in to that silliness.  )
However, we just started potty training last week.
Whether or not he will be fully potty trained by age 3, who knows?
We bought a potty chair quite awhile ago, but he refused to have anything to do with it any time we asked prior to now. And I knew forcing the issue would make things worse, so we waited.
He's perfectly willing to wear his underwear and sit on the potty every so often, but he is still not getting the idea of sitting on the potty when he feels that he has to go. And when he does sit, he gets up the second he puts 3 drops in there.
So while willing, we still have awhile to go. 
But, you know, every kid hits the milestones in their own time. My DS's major issue is speech. I can almost promise you that your 2 year old can talk circles around mine. But mine is making progress, just on his own timeline, not mine.
So that just leaves the issue with daycare. I would have a meeting with them, but if it doesn't go as you hope, then another center may be your best bet.
Best of luck! |
|
|
wholarmor
I'm NOT a sack sniffer!
PeaNut 29,699
February 2002
Posts: 24,046
Layouts: 92
Loc: SE Washington
| Posted: 2/9/2013 10:39:28 PM
I know I've felt judged when my boys weren't potty trained until 4. My youngest(who is on the Autism spectrum) went to HeadStart, and I'm so glad that they were willing to work with him not being potty trained. They helped him, and we continued to work with him at home, and he did potty train.
I do understand why daycares and preschools have these requirements. I used to work in a daycare. We worked with the kids when they were two to try to get them potty trained. They moved up at 3- fully potty trained or not. Most of them were, but there were kids who just weren't ready. It took time away from the classroom when they would have to send an aide with the kid to change their diaper or their soiled clothes.
I think the OP realizes the reasons the daycare is pushing for this, and I don't feel she needs to be piled on. She gets it. The OP might need to find a new place that will accept an untrained 3 year old. She admitted that by the 3rd post. |
Kris
Mom to Kyrie(9), Isaiah(8), and Jayden(5)
my blog
 | |
|
|
