conversation: Fifty Shades of Grey

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Posted 2/10/2013 by old pea new name in NSBR Board
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Luvmygirls
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 2/10/2013 6:25:20 PM
I believe, this series is not for a child/high school teenager to read. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone younger than 18.

TinaFB
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Posted: 2/10/2013 6:28:40 PM
My parents didn't censor my reading either. I read very sexual stuff around 4th grade, went on a Stephen King binge in 4th grade, and spent months reading about ghosts and exorcisms in 5th grade. I've always preferred to read in chunks. Needless to say, I had a lot of nightmares as a kid.

I am a parent to 2 teenagers and 2 elementary aged kids. I haven't censored anything they've wanted to read yet. I haven't had to since they haven't yet chosen anything I consider inappropriate. What I have done is try to read what they're reading so we can talk about it. We've had fascinating conversations about demons, rape, bullying, Greek gods, Shakespeare, etc. because of this habit.

My teenagers know the basic idea of 50 Shades, but neither have expressed interest in actually reading it. They're mortified enough knowing that I've read it!

However, if they did want to read it, I would try to steer them away the same way I do with movies and video games I don't feel they're ready for. I know that I "turned out fine" from being able to read anything and everything, but I'm not convinced that it was always good for me. I'm now 37 and I *still* have nightmares about some of the books I read as a child. I think that I had the ability to read the sexual and terrifying stuff, but not yet the maturity. Those images got burned into my mind before I was developmentally ready to understand them.


Tina


Carey Ayn
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Posted: 2/10/2013 6:32:52 PM
Tina, I wasn't censored either. Books, movies and music were never censored for me, and I turned out fine, but I agree, some of those images are burned in my brain and a little more guidance would have been benificial.



*maureen*
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Posted: 2/10/2013 6:45:47 PM

Until you are the parent and responsible for a human life, any parenting advice is merely smack talk.



I guess this means I get to have an opinion. Quite frankly, it's nice to think that you can ban your teenagers from reading something, but until you have a teenager, your opinion means nothing. Teenagers are sneaky and can't be trusted any further than you can throw them. Suggesting that you can effectively ban anything guarantees they will end run around you everytime. Do yourself a favor and reconsider your approach.

Peabay
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Posted: 2/10/2013 7:23:51 PM

Quite frankly, it's nice to think that you can ban your teenagers from reading something, but until you have a teenager, your opinion means nothing. Teenagers are sneaky and can't be trusted any further than you can throw them. Suggesting that you can effectively ban anything guarantees they will end run around you everytime. Do yourself a favor and reconsider your approach.


I have teenagers. We've only had a few occasions where they've wanted to read books I disapproved of for their ages - one was "Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" and the other was "The DaVinci Code." Neither I thought were appropriate for them at the time, so we discussed the content, I gave them my opinion and that was that. Did they sneak them? I don't think so - they seemed to understand my rationale. I'm just of the belief that there are books that are for people who've had the life experience to keep the books in perspective.

I don't know why this discussion always gets so ugly. You let your kids read what you want; I'll let my kids read what I want.



LonghornMom
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Posted: 2/10/2013 7:24:54 PM
Tween, definitely no.

High school? I wouldn't buy it for her/him, but couldn't stop a library check-out. If I saw it, I would definitely have a discussion with my kids about the content.

I remember the only book my mom ever told me I couldn't read was "Are you there God, It's Me, Margaret". I was 7. I read my sister's copy anyway. As a teenager I was very into true crime and read Helter Skelter my freshman year. (Freaked me out).

Past a certain age, we have to let our kids be exposed to these things so that we can discuss them together...at least that's my feeling on it.
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FairyPoppins
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Posted: 2/10/2013 7:25:48 PM
I just asked my 14 year old daughter if she or any of her friends had read 50 shades. She looked disgusted and said, "No way, that's just gross!" Looks like I don't have to censor her!
She is a reluctant reader though. I would imagine a more enthusiastic reader would need more guidance.


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*maureen*
Bad Wolf

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Posted: 2/10/2013 7:35:23 PM

I don't know why this discussion always gets so ugly. You let your kids read what you want; I'll let my kids read what I want.


I agree, it always turns ugly right around the time someone announces they will judge you for your parenting choices.

scrappower
Allons-y Alonso

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Posted: 2/10/2013 7:37:39 PM
Hey don't get me wrong, I don't care if others censor their kids books. More power to ya. I just think it is silly and not feasible. Shrug.



tamhugh
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Posted: 2/10/2013 7:41:10 PM

As a mother of boys, I would be concerned if they read it as a teen. Sex isn't the issue, but how the characters interact and how it is romanticized would be a concern for me.


I think this is one of the things that bothered me the most about the books. I would never want my sons to think they could treat a woman that way. I am friends with some young ladies on FB (college aged and slightly older), family members and friends, and I was horrified at how many of them were posting that they wanted their own Christian Gray. No, you don't. He is a messed up individual.

And Peabay, I don't think Maureen was saying all kids will sneak. I took it that she was responding more to the comment that if you have no children, your opinion means nothing. In return, she was saying (I think) that since Mrs. T has no teenagers, he has no clue what they will do. Or maybe I am just really lost in the conversation.

*maureen*
Bad Wolf

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Posted: 2/10/2013 7:45:19 PM

And Peabay, I don't think Maureen was saying all kids will sneak. I took it that she was responding more to the comment that if you have no children, your opinion means nothing. In return, she was saying (I think) that since Mrs. T has no teenagers, he has no clue what they will do.


Winner winner chicken dinner.

ramblin72
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Posted: 2/10/2013 8:34:51 PM

If your kid comes to school with a copy of 50 Shades as reading material, you bet I'm going to make a few judgments. I'll assume one of the following-
1) you allow your young child to be exposed to other adult content of sexual nature
2) you are more interested in being your kid's cool friend than responsible parent
3) you are actually ignorant of your child's choice and aren't paying close attention to what they are doing.
4) (and what I'd initially think until I made a phone call to find out more) your child snuck your copy off if your night stand/ book shelf and you didn't realize it but wouldn't really approve of them reading it.


I don't think just because a kid has a copy, that it means the parents are permissive.

I think all of these points assume you think I had a hand in my kid having the book.
What if it was YOUR kid that gave my kid the book instead?


ramblin72
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Posted: 2/10/2013 8:48:37 PM

If my child gave the book to your child my phone call would help us get to the bottom of it so I could have a discussion with my child and we could come up with an appropriate consequence.


Yes I understand that, but your numbered points were all about how you assumed the parent let the kid have the copy, wanted to be the cool friend, was ignorant of what their kid was doing etc etc.

You were putting the onus on the parents to assume they had a hand in it.

So if my kid was given a book by your kid, I could think OMG that Mrs T is so permissive of what her kids read.....or I could just wait for that phone call and not assume the worst of you

Maybe a bit too quick to judge sometimes?

scrap4maddie
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Posted: 2/10/2013 8:56:40 PM
If your kid comes to school with a copy of 50 Shades as reading material, you bet I'm going to make a few judgments. I'll assume one of the following-
1) you allow your young child to be exposed to other adult content of sexual nature
2) you are more interested in being your kid's cool friend than responsible parent
3) you are actually ignorant of your child's choice and aren't paying close attention to what they are doing.
4) (and what I'd initially think until I made a phone call to find out more) your child snuck your copy off if your night stand/ book shelf and you didn't realize it but wouldn't really approve of them reading it.

I'm not telling you how to raise your kid. It's your right to censor or not regarding books, movies, music, etc. I am saying it's my right to think your choice is bad and disagree with your "parenting" style. Honestly, in my opinion, it wouldn't be any different to me than allowing your child to view pornography because you don't want to censor their media options.



WOW where the hell do you get this stuff? I can't wait until one of your kids teachers makes a crazy ASSumption about you and you can see how you like it.


~Erica~







Simply_Lovely
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Posted: 2/10/2013 9:05:19 PM

Until you are the parent and responsible for a human life, any parenting advice is merely smack talk.


Wow, what a crock of $hit!! So unless you popped a baby out you have no moral codex when it comes to children?? Wow. I hope my future kids never have a teacher like you, and I can't wait until your kids are teens. I truly can't wait and yes, I will cackle with glee!!




Meow!

*maureen*
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Posted: 2/10/2013 9:09:43 PM


I could see this being a fair argument if I didn't have 11 years experience working with teenagers every day. Maureen certainly knows what I do as a career. Parents come to me asking for advice so apparently I must know a little.


Working with them isn't raising them... But then, I'm sure you already know that, don't you?

doesitmatter?
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Posted: 2/10/2013 10:25:05 PM
Never been into the cheesy smut books at any age


Child of God, follower of Jesus, and so thankful for His presence in my life <><

pudgy_groundhog
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Posted: 2/10/2013 11:18:02 PM

I could see this being a fair argument if I didn't have 11 years experience working with teenagers every day
And people who don't have kids can have a lot of experience through teaching, helping with family, being a nanny, just being a kid themselves, etc. It's pretty hypocritical of you to effectively tell people without kids to butt out of this conversation, then turn around and imply you are experienced without having actually raised teenagers.

My mom never really censored my reading growing up, but I don't recall wanting to read anything that was really age inappropriate (although I remember her telling me she wasn't going to buy me George Michael's album when I was in sixth grade because it had the song "I Want Your Sex". My daughter is only five - so I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I think every parent decides what is appropriate for their children (as long as you aren't deciding for my child!). I can certainly see trying to steer my child towards different books if she wanted to read 50 Shades of Grey. However, I'm not banning Harry Potter since he killed his parents. (before anybody jumps on me, I'm joking! My mom was a librarian and she had parents wanting her to pull Harry Potter from the shelves because he killed his parents. ugh!).



ktNryansmom
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Posted: 2/11/2013 12:50:35 AM
In wouldn't want them to read such low quality writing to be honest.

I won't censor but I will advise..my dd has no interest in the twilight series (which her friends and I have read) but I've talked to her and told her I'd prefer she read books with smart, strong women portrayed and not whiny, sad, pitiful girls...I feel the same about 50...


Karen

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gar
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Posted: 2/11/2013 3:06:40 AM

I could see this being a fair argument if I didn't have 11 years experience working with teenagers every day
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And people who don't have kids can have a lot of experience through teaching, helping with family, being a nanny, just being a kid themselves, etc. It's pretty hypocritical of you to effectively tell people without kids to butt out of this conversation, then turn around and imply you are experienced without having actually raised teenagers.





In a nutshell, precisely.



Today, I will be colouring outside the lines.


Jillsie Pea
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Posted: 2/11/2013 7:33:16 AM

Parents come to me asking for advice so apparently I must know a little.


I don't believe it counts when a parent asks you for advice on how their child can bring up their geography or history grade in your class.... but you keep stroking your ego.

BoSoxBeth
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Posted: 2/11/2013 8:40:59 AM
Not for teens, at least not younger teens! Maybe college-age teens would be okay. But even that....

*rosebud*
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Posted: 2/11/2013 10:22:48 AM

I could see this being a fair argument if I didn't have 11 years experience working with teenagers every day

And people who don't have kids can have a lot of experience through teaching, helping with family, being a nanny, just being a kid themselves, etc. It's pretty hypocritical of you to effectively tell people without kids to butt out of this conversation, then turn around and imply you are experienced without having actually raised teenagers.


AMEN! She will not see this, however.....the synapses don't seem to work at making these sorts of connections. Or else it's willful ignorance and being stubborn

*Erin
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Posted: 2/11/2013 10:42:08 AM

I could see this being a fair argument if I didn't have 11 years experience working with teenagers every day.
Would you agree that being a teacher doesn't really prepare you for being a parent? That while they share similarities the two positions are in fact very different? Simply teaching teenagers is not the same as parenting them.

It's nice that you think you know how it will play out for you. All you can do is wait until you get there to know if you are right.

As for the subject of the thread, I didn't read the books and I really have no interest in them. If my tween wanted to read FSOG or any of the seuqels I would have a problem with it, but if my older teen wanted to read them I'd have to read the books first and then we would do a lot of talking about the themes both before and during the course of the reading.



batya
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Posted: 2/11/2013 10:52:15 AM

And I would pray your hypothetical child remains hypothetical.


Beyond the pale. Wow.

As for your 11 yrs teaching experience, you are not their parent. At the end of the school day you are not responsible for them. Good luck when yours are teenagers. Even if they are easy, respectful teens like mine, you will be served up a slice of humble pie. And I can think of no one more deserving.


OK. Newbie. This is how it works. If your post consists of 80% sanity, 10% stupidity and 10% all kinds of crazy, we immediately focus on the 20% b/c it discredits the 80%.




mtomseth
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Posted: 2/11/2013 11:13:47 AM
I have never censored books that my kids have chosen but I think that's because I've never needed to. ETA: That's because I never noticed them reading anything I found objectionable.

I started reading smutty fiction in my teens, around age 15 or 16. I loved it. My mom had no idea what I was reading but it didn't hurt me. In fact, reading those novels probably kept me out of trouble. I was home reading about romance and sex, rather than out actually having romance and sex.

scrappower
Allons-y Alonso

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Posted: 2/11/2013 11:16:11 AM



I started reading smutty fiction in my teens, around age 15 or 16. I loved it. My mom had no idea what I was reading but it didn't hurt me. In fact, reading those novel probably kept me out of trouble. I was home reading about romance and sex, rather than out actually having romance and sex.





mama nay
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 2/11/2013 11:22:05 AM
I don't censor the books my kids read, but I did strongly suggest to dd (13 & 16) that it was not an appropriate book for her to read. I didn't say she couldn't read it and truthfully if she wanted to be sneaky they were laying around the house for a while until I lent them to a friend.

I do think they are an adult book, and would not recommend them for teens and certainly not tweens. But at the same time I wouldn't freak out if she read it.


~~Mama Nay~~

peaburt
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Posted: 2/11/2013 1:03:45 PM

So if parents allow their kids to view pornography you wouldn't bat an eye? See, I'd view it as neglectful to allow a tween or minor to view something so obviously adult and sexually descriptive. And the 50 Shades series is similarly adult and sexually descriptive. So I'd think it was irresponsible and neglectful.

Since you're not a parent, you need not worry about what I think of your opinion. You aren't directly impacting a child by merely having that view.


I guess my parents were neglectful. My dad would take images from Playboy magazine and insert them into the yearly girl scout calender. For example, you would see a picture of girl scouts around a campfire and a nude woman running in the background. Each month was carefully done.

This was done in full view of both my brother and I (sometimes with our help - I was good at finding the right picture) with the blessing of my mother - and gasp, we turned into upstanding citizens.

Those calenders were pure works of art.

I have boys (adults now)- would I let them read the Grey Trilogy? Yes with a discussion about the content while they were reading.

PB


busypea
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Posted: 2/11/2013 1:11:19 PM
A tween - I would not allow it.

A teen - I would discourage it, but if they obtained it on their own and read it and I discovered that after the fact, we would have some discussions. Not exactly punishment, but discussion about why the themes of the book are problematic IMO (not to mention the craptastic writing style)... and that would probably seem like punishment to a teen

I read a couple somewhat smutty books as a teen that I smuggled in and my parents were never aware of. It didn't damage me for good by any means, but they were pretty pedestrian. I wouldn't want my teen growing up to think that highly controlling relationships are normal and romantic.

WannaPea
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Posted: 2/11/2013 1:17:58 PM

What age would you allow tweens /teens to read the book? Would you place it on pornography, erotica, or other?
Well, I have a teen son, so he would rather get poked in the eye with a stick than read that stuff. However, I have never censored his reading.

I grew up with a mother who literally bought me anything I wanted to read. I guess I didn't gravitate towards the sexy stuff, but some books I read had sexual scenes or such in them, and it was never a problem. I think I read Interview With The Vampire when I was around 12. Not straight out sex, but lots of intimating. I also read ALL those V.C. Andrews books. Some of my best memories as a teen, lol. And those were rife with pretty wild stuff.

Fifty shades? Personally I think the writing is horrendous. I wouldn't want a kid reading it for that fact alone! This material is not suitable for children, and tweens are children. It may not be appropriate for teens until they are mature enough to handle it. Again, the writing alone would put me off.


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oh yvonne
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Posted: 2/11/2013 1:23:30 PM

However, if they did want to read it, I would try to steer them away the same way I do with movies and video games I don't feel they're ready for. I know that I "turned out fine" from being able to read anything and everything, but I'm not convinced that it was always good for me. I'm now 37 and I *still* have nightmares about some of the books I read as a child. I think that I had the ability to read the sexual and terrifying stuff, but not yet the maturity. Those images got burned into my mind before I was developmentally ready to understand them.


This is my exact experience as well (except I'm a little older (

Case in point, I was passed a copy of Sybil in the 7th grade. I was 12! My teacher saw me reading it in class, made a comment on how it was a 'heavy' book, and she left it at that. I *wish* she'd have been a teacher like Mrs. T and called my mother. Oh how I wish I could unread that book. It disturbed me and what, almost 40 years later I regret reading it. It makes me sad the teacher didn't stop me. I can't get those torture images out of my head.

To this day I won't read books of that nature (re child abuse) because of it.

For me, I would be censoring the book until at least 15, I'm not big on the s&m thing becoming 'okay' and 'cool'. It's just not okay, IMO. I wouldn't stop her, obviously, she'll read it if she wants to, but in middle school, definitely no way.


******************
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OCLittleFlower
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Posted: 2/11/2013 2:51:10 PM
I'm in my mid 20s and censor it for myself.

As for any future kids we might have -- that kind of content is not allowed under this roof. Period. End of story.


Cupcake ipsum dolor sit.

Kelpea
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Posted: 2/11/2013 3:04:28 PM

I started reading smutty fiction in my teens, around age 15 or 16. I loved it. My mom had no idea what I was reading but it didn't hurt me. In fact, reading those novels probably kept me out of trouble. I was home reading about romance and sex, rather than out actually having romance and sex


Bwahahahahaha! Same. Erica Jong, anyone?



thatgirlintexas
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Posted: 2/11/2013 3:16:05 PM
I was never censored growing up. I was reading Barbra Cartland in middle school and jumped to smutty romance in high school. My sex education was Beatrice Small!

My nieces are not big readers but I'm pretty sure my BIL wouldn't allow them to read that and I would applaud him in that decision. But mainly because it's a crap book.


Sara

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gar
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Posted: 2/11/2013 3:21:38 PM

As for any future kids we might have -- that kind of content is not allowed under this roof. Period. End of story.


But you do recognise that it doesn't need to be in your house for them to read it.





Today, I will be colouring outside the lines.


benem
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Posted: 2/11/2013 3:30:54 PM
I remember when I was 12, I got a copy of a Sidney Sheldon book on the downlow. No one else in my crowd was a reader so I read the book and wrote down the spicy page numbers, and then we passed it around our class LOL



lespea
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Posted: 2/11/2013 3:55:14 PM
I wouldn't let a tween in my home read it. Obviously kids get ahold of stuff for other places but I would explain to my child that they are not allowed to read that. While I thought the books were kind of lame they are graphic. Tortue by withholding orgasms and anal sex aren't really tween subjects.


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benem
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Posted: 2/11/2013 7:02:33 PM
Mrs Tyler I was kind of agreeing with you when you were sticking to "don't bring that book into my classroom" and "if a 12 yr old has that book I might wonder about the parenting choices".

But then you protested "where did I say I was an expert?" and followed that up with "I've been teaching teens for 11 years".

And before that you were teaching 12 yr olds - not the same as 16 yr olds.

I was a teacher in museums for 8 years and I have dealt with many children in my time. I do have *some* knowledge of parenting and I'm happy to give my opinions but I usually try and give a caveat about it. Geez.



Darcy_Collins
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Posted: 2/12/2013 12:25:03 AM
I haven't read fifty shades of grey - and while I enjoy all genre of material did censor Twilight from my 9 year old, so take my comment with whatever bias you'd like....

If you've resorted to using pooped out a baby in your argument, you're so far gone that you haven't just lost whatever point you're trying to make, but I'll always remember you as the dumbass who said pooped out a baby. Seriously - beyond tacky to gross.



Enough
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 2/12/2013 1:07:29 AM

If you've resorted to using pooped out a baby in your argument, you're so far gone that you haven't just lost whatever point you're trying to make, but I'll always remember you as the dumbass who said pooped out a baby. Seriously - beyond tacky to gross.
She said popped, not pooped.
This thread has gone off the deep end.



Darcy_Collins
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Posted: 2/12/2013 1:21:51 AM
Okay that is just funny - I totally read it as pooped and was grossed out- I'm not sure the argument is any stronger with popping out a kid - but will certainly own my mistake and caution others to the dangers of reading on the iphone screen.....



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