Son won't stop talking in class

Two Peas is Closing
Click here to visit our final product sale. Click here to visit our FAQ page regarding the closing of Two Peas.

Posted 2/12/2013 by SweetPeasMom in NSBR Board
1 2 >
 

SweetPeasMom
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 186,656
January 2005
Posts: 8,134
Layouts: 7
Loc: GRITS

Posted: 2/12/2013 7:55:47 AM
DS, 5th grade, is getting in trouble for talking in class. He's a talker, we get that. His teacher gets that. But he won't stop talking when he's asked to. He talks over the morning announcements, interrupts that teacher, talks to himself, etc. It was really bad last week and he signed the behavior sheet enough times that he reached the max amount of times. She emailed me this morning and said he is still continuing. It's disrupting the other students instruction time, which is unacceptable (and I agree). I'm at my wits end. When she questioned him as to why he does it, he said "Because I want to." So he is also being disrespectful in that regards (I think that was a very disrespectful answer).

I will say that he doesn't really like this teacher. I think she's a good teacher as far as academics go, but as far as warm and friendly, not so much. She is leaving at the end of the month for maternity leave. So I don't know if some of her issues came from being pg the entire year. But she isn't the softest person, if that makes sense. She doesn't take any crap and I like that but I think sometimes she can be a little more loose.

Anyways, I suggested that since he values his recess time so much, that from now on he gets one chance. She calls him down once for talking, that's his warning. Second time, he looses X amount of time. Third time, more time. And so on. Does this seem reasonable?

FYI, their recess is the last thing of the day. They go to recess and are out there for the last 20 mins of the day and then they head to the buses from there.

ETA: I do not put the teacher down to my son. I have told him he may not care for her but she is his teacher and he needs to respect her. I have said many times to him that she is a good teacher. Which I honestly think she is. We are punishing here at home too. We have tried many things. We will continue to try things here at home as well. I'm not making excuses. Just tried to give some background as to why I think this is happening.


Wendy



Oliquig
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 210,654
June 2005
Posts: 5,221
Layouts: 207
Loc: Connecticut

Posted: 2/12/2013 8:03:10 AM
To me, disrespect like that is unacceptable. At this point, I would tell her to not allow recess at all unless he behaved the whole day. My niece likes to talk, but she would never speak to a teacher like that.


-Rachel

I just don't see why people think I'm too patronizing (that means I treat them as if they were stupid.)





Uploaded with iPhone client

TankTop
I teach, therefore I am a teacher

PeaNut 25,495
December 2001
Posts: 9,463
Layouts: 37
Loc: Stuck in the 80's

Posted: 2/12/2013 8:04:52 AM
I am a 5th grade teacher. Home with my son for the day. Strep stinks.

Loss of recess is not unreasonable. I would also institute an at home punishment as well. If you lose more than x amount of recess time, there is no screen time at home.

Also, part of your op sounded very much like you were putting part of the blame on the teacher. Her warm and fuzziness should have no bearing on your son's ability to follow a direction. Be careful that you are not sending the message to him that it does.m


"Childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome." Hope Floats


redshoes73
PeaAddict

PeaNut 439,705
September 2009
Posts: 1,822
Layouts: 4
Loc: DFW, TX

Posted: 2/12/2013 8:07:29 AM
Lose ALL of recess after 1 warning, end of story. And a written apology to teacher for being disrespectful would also be appropriate.
Uploaded with iPhone client

sugarcoated
StuckOnPeas

PeaNut 140,176
April 2004
Posts: 2,259
Layouts: 0
Loc: At Work

Posted: 2/12/2013 8:08:46 AM
So...your son does not respect authority, so you want the teacher to be more "loose?" Really? You say "her issues" - but your brat is talking through announcements and instruction and being a distraction to the other students?

I know kids can be difficult, and I was with you right up until you disrespected the teacher, her style and used sexism as a problem when your son is the only problem. He needs to shut up. That's it.

You need to back up the teacher and start disciplining him at home as well. You need to tighten up and quit making excuses. Your son is flouting authority and being a burden to others because you permit him to. Go up to the school and sit there with him if need be. He needs to know is conduct is unacceptable under any circumstances.

jenjie
PEAsed to be here

PeaNut 88,667
May 2003
Posts: 23,917
Layouts: 283
Loc: NJ

Posted: 2/12/2013 8:09:37 AM

Also, part of your op sounded very much like you were putting part of the blame on the teacher. Her warm and fuzziness should have no bearing on your son's ability to follow a direction. Be careful that you are not sending the message to him that it does.


I'm not a teacher. I agree with this.


My ds is in second grade and he is already exhibiting "won't do it if I don't feel like it" behavior. He isn't intentionally rude but he just doesn't do it (whatever is asked of him). And he doesn't realize how that is disobedient or disrespectful. This is for another thread but dh and I need to find a way to get him to shape up. I just wanted to say I understand where you are coming from OP but am in agreement with tanktop.


~Jen


SweetPeasMom
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 186,656
January 2005
Posts: 8,134
Layouts: 7
Loc: GRITS

Posted: 2/12/2013 8:11:14 AM

I would also institute an at home punishment as well. If you lose more than x amount of recess time, there is no screen time at home.


We have instituted that as well. Actually, it was anytime he signs the hot sheet, he looses screen time. Obviously that's not having an impact.


Also, part of your op sounded very much like you were putting part of the blame on the teacher. Her warm and fuzziness should have no bearing on your son's ability to follow a direction. Be careful that you are not sending the message to him that it does.m


No, I don't make excuses to him for that. I just wanted to give some back ground as to why he doesn't really care for her and why he may be acting this way. He absolutely adored his teacher last year and would never talk to her or act that way in class. No, I tell him he has to deal with her as she is his teacher this year and he needs to respect her. I told him she is a good teacher and she doesn't take any crap. So remember that and walk the line in class.


Wendy



*Shannon
StuckOnPeas

PeaNut 232,172
November 2005
Posts: 2,657
Layouts: 39
Loc: Along the Rockies

Posted: 2/12/2013 8:13:47 AM
I second the at home punishment (you'll have to find what does work), and it would be swift and pretty stiff. He's been given plenty of warnings and was disrespectful toward his teacher.

Why on earth is recess the final 20 minutes of the day? That's insane and rather pointless.

If recess were more during the middle of the day I'm not sure I'd take it away from him, as it would allow him to release energy, but it's not, so moot point.

I hope he turns around quickly, good luck!




Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy (or a federation), it is a Chucktatorship.

gar
Whoopea!

PeaNut 172,235
October 2004
Posts: 15,755
Layouts: 0
Loc: England UK

Posted: 2/12/2013 8:13:56 AM
He's old enough to understand fully about consequences. So far there haven't really been any. He's even told you he's doing it because he wants to - in other words, because he can.

So now there needs to be hard and fast consequences so he's under no illusion that 'because he wants to' doesn't cut it.



Today, I will be colouring outside the lines.


KikiNichole

PeaNut 69,597
February 2003
Posts: 27,801
Layouts: 2
Loc: Follow the Yellow Brick Road

Posted: 2/12/2013 8:14:07 AM
I think that's reasonable...if it works for the teacher. But I think the most important thing is that whatever happens at school, happens twofold at home.

Your son needs to know that you and his teacher are a united front and are working as a team. He needs to understand that the punishment issued at school doesn't just last the 20 minutes of recess, but will continue on at home.

And whatever you do, do not undermine the teacher in any way in front of your son. Don't tell him you understand that she's not 'warm and fuzzy' or that she could be 'nicer'...none of that matters. If he complains (which you haven't indicated that he has) then you tell him his feelings about his teacher have nothing to do with his behavior toward her. His disregard of the rules are the only thing that matters...and he HAS to understand that.


~Kristen~

shecallsmenana
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 245,376
January 2006
Posts: 5,179
Layouts: 18
Loc: this side

Posted: 2/12/2013 8:20:32 AM
Start stripping him of all "fun" things at home-TV, video games, cell phone, etc. etc. and if that doesn't work tell him you will come sit in his class each day until he can learn to respect his teacher and classmates. Of course no recess too

Disrespect is not exceptable and I had the same problem with my oldest, he was just that kid that talked and couldn't stop talking. I did go to his class 1 time and that was all it took.

readsomething
Got Samoas?

PeaNut 70,391
February 2003
Posts: 7,964
Layouts: 1
Loc: Norfolk VA

Posted: 2/12/2013 8:23:11 AM
Have you acknowledged to him that you know he doesn't like the teacher? I think you need to address that as well: "You may not like her as much as you liked Mrs. X, but Mrs. Y is now your teacher, and you need to treat her with the EXACT SAME RESPECT that you gave Mrs. X last year."

You might also try some role-playing. The next time he gets in trouble at school and you hear about it, tell him that you are going to spend the next day or so showing him how the teacher feels. When he starts talking to you, interrupt him. When he gets frustrated about that, point out to him that wow, Mrs. X feels that way when he interrupts her. You need to do this EVERY time -- don't let him get away with talking without being interrupted. Let him see how it builds up, how frustrated it is when it happens over and over.

In 5th grade (age 10?) he is surely old enough to know he shouldn't be doing it. So it's definitely a choice on his part. As the parent, you can make YOUR choices reflect the consequences for him.

What's his "currency"? With DD, it's her time playing outside with friends and her screen time. So that's what we do. She's 9, and it's to the point where we have to point out to her that if whatever behavior continues, no playing on Saturday. She knows we mean business because we have done it before. In fact, one day I got tired of kids coming to the door and asking if she could play, so I taped a sign to the front door: DD cannot play outside today. Please do not knock on this door.

We're definitely not perfect -- DD has her days, believe me. But after she loses some play time, it reminds her that we are in charge, and she's a total angel for a couple of days.

At DD's school, any disrespect is an automatic loss of 5 mins of recess. Some boys spend all year, every recess, sitting on the "wall" at recess time, watching other kids play. I'm not sure how it makes a difference in their behavior, but at least they know that there are consistent consequences.

ETA: I love the idea of going to his class. I think it would only take ONE time. And you probably wouldn't have to do it for the whole day. Sit next to him. Explain to him that, since he can't control himself, you're going to be with him to "help" him control himself.


Heather
Finally Four of Us
Regional vice president of the National Sarcasm Society (Like We Need Your Support)
Senior Executive Vice President, Dunder-Mifflin Paper Co., Scranton PA
"Every time I use a coupon, Satan gets another one of his toenails pulled out."

kimberly38
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 198,401
March 2005
Posts: 6,878
Layouts: 0
Loc: Wernersville, PA

Posted: 2/12/2013 8:36:09 AM
I would get him a book he absolutely hates or any book that he does not love to read.

He likes to talk? Alrighty then. For every time he gets caught talking, he gets so many minutes each night reading the book out loud to you. Ten minutes a shot.

I would try and have the school work with you also. Oh, you want to talk? Ok, the principal would love to hear you read War and Peace. here is your pass.

Recess time? Oh, so sorry. Since you missed doing your work, you can now finish all work missed for the day and any work not completed will be sent home for mom and dad to help with. Oh, and from what I understand, more reading of War and Peace.

I really don't see what liking or not liking the teacher has to do with your son's talking.

PSILUVU
StuckOnPeas

PeaNut 427,403
June 2009
Posts: 2,831
Layouts: 16
Loc: Canada's Capital

Posted: 2/12/2013 8:46:37 AM
Grade 5 is way to old be such a brat. I would definitely punish the "because I can" attitude at home with something severe, loss of all screens or loss of a favourite activity.

I would tell the teacher to implement something just as severe at school.

Maybe you can nip the entitled, centre of the universe attitude in the bud if you are clear and consistent with punishmetn and follow up.


Kelli


Please ignore the typos..I do know how to spell, I DON"T know how to type



Christine58
pea'rific teacher Union President

PeaNut 164,125
August 2004
Posts: 23,833
Layouts: 0
Loc: Western NY

Posted: 2/12/2013 8:55:09 AM
If he was in my classroom and continued to talk after being told to be quiet, a nice chat with the principal would be next.

This has nothing to do with his teacher not being all warm and fuzzy. He is being disrespectful and a best. Up the consequences at home.



Some people only dream of angels, I have held one in my arms.




Uploaded with iPhone client

voltagain
OklaPhoma

PeaNut 18,334
July 2001
Posts: 38,143
Layouts: 15
Loc: State of cultural confusion. Yeehaw and Aloha have collided!

Posted: 2/12/2013 8:56:33 AM
Second time, he looses X amount of time. Third time, more time. And so on. Does this seem reasonable?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

No. I don't think at his age it is reasonable. First time he is called down he loses it all. Second time he goes to bed immediately when he gets home~ walk off the bus and into bed. Next time a parent will start attending school with him. Each time he needs to become more and more isolated from his peers and family.

He needs to become aware excessive talking loses him his audience.
I do think you are unconsiously playing into your son's dislike of his teacher. She needs to be the absolute best teacher you have ever seen in your eyes. Bar none.


What Your Kit Lens Can Do For You

Canon 60d, Canon 24-70mm 2.8L, Canon 70-200mm 2.8L, 50mm 1.8, 28-80, 75-300mm and Tamron 90mm 2.8 macro

batya
Making the WWW better, one post at a time.

PeaNut 59,094
December 2002
Posts: 32,845
Layouts: 24
Loc: up on my high horse

Posted: 2/12/2013 8:56:41 AM

Also, part of your op sounded very much like you were putting part of the blame on the teacher. Her warm and fuzziness should have no bearing on your son's ability to follow a direction.


ITA.


would get him a book he absolutely hates or any book that he does not love to read.

He likes to talk? Alrighty then. For every time he gets caught talking, he gets so many minutes each night reading the book out loud to you. Ten minutes a shot.



Reading as punishment is a terrible idea. Awful.


OK. Newbie. This is how it works. If your post consists of 80% sanity, 10% stupidity and 10% all kinds of crazy, we immediately focus on the 20% b/c it discredits the 80%.




Scrapmom-of-2
StuckOnPeas

PeaNut 121,146
December 2003
Posts: 2,399
Layouts: 0
Loc: Illinois

Posted: 2/12/2013 9:12:20 AM
Just wanted to say I hear you and what you're going through....so sorry Wendy.

I hate that it seems like we have to change our kids to fit the school "model". Some kids just don't fit the mold of sitting quietly and behaving nicely at their desk all day long. Wether it be ADHD, sensory issues, defient behavoir issues....needing a 504 plan, or IEP whatever....I just wish there was a school option for them. Not every job requires you to sit at a desk all day long to perform.

Now before I get judged...I have one of each. DS is difficult in the traditional school setting. He just learns differently. DD is the ideal student. Teachers have actually told me if they had a class room of her, their job would be so easy. Same parenting, different outcomes!

Now as for the disrepectful words to authority? No way, not happening! THAT I'd punish for!!






Burning Feather
I conceived but I can't see you

PeaNut 158,336
July 2004
Posts: 37,887
Layouts: 3
Loc: Ain't no black widow serial killer going to get between me and my man

Posted: 2/12/2013 9:21:25 AM

He absolutely adored his teacher last year and would never talk to her or act that way in class


I know that it goes above and beyond the scope of what a teacher is required to do, but could you have a meeting with last year's teacher and ask her to talk to him and find out what's going on, what has changed from his behavior in her class to this year, and impress upon him that it's important to give his new teacher the same respect he gave her?

Sometimes hearing the message from a respected outsider means a lot more than from mom and dad.



Carla




dreamerpea
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 211,290
June 2005
Posts: 7,137
Layouts: 0
Loc: somewhere dreaming

Posted: 2/12/2013 9:25:32 AM
I agree with Shecallsmenana.

You need to start limiting things! TV, Video, toys he loves...play time with friends.
Hockey, karate whatever to get the point across.



Scrapmom-of-2
StuckOnPeas

PeaNut 121,146
December 2003
Posts: 2,399
Layouts: 0
Loc: Illinois

Posted: 2/12/2013 9:27:02 AM

Its called "home schooling".



I totally agree with this. I did consider homeschooling my child and mentioned it to the principal and teacher at a conference, but both of them looked at me aghast and quickly changed their tune telling me he wasn't THAT bad! I supported the teachers completely and worked with them very closely to be sure ds did as he was told. His problem wasn't behavior so much as a learning disability which we all worked together to solve.







jodster70
To the right, To the right

PeaNut 51,257
October 2002
Posts: 6,307
Layouts: 28
Loc: Usually NSBR, an un"pea"dictable place :)

Posted: 2/12/2013 9:29:07 AM
I like Nightowl's idea of a logical consequence.

Good luck... I know how hard it is to get through to fifth grade boys. I taught them for five years!


**Jody**

"The Constitution is not an instrument for the government to restrain the people, it is an instrument for the people to restrain the government -- lest it come to dominate our lives and interests."
Patrick Henry

Darcy_Collins
PeaFixture

PeaNut 514,615
July 2011
Posts: 3,236
Layouts: 0

Posted: 2/12/2013 9:33:31 AM

We have instituted that as well. Actually, it was anytime he signs the hot sheet, he looses screen time. Obviously that's not having an impact.


How much screen time does he have an how much are you taking. It sure seems like this is prime currency for my son and his friends. You need to be brutal though - my son can play minecraft on the weekends. He was having some organizational challenges - not bringing home materials, forgetting his completed homework at home etc. His teacher's response was to have him complete the missing work at recess. Unfortunately, my son took that as an opportunity to have a built in study hall, and his organization got worse.

I instituted a one and you're done policy. People may disagree with me, but I think upper elementary is too old for warning systems. Every time he forgot his materials or homework he lost a day of screen on the weekend. The first week he forgot twice - no minecraft all weekend. He truly would have rather I beat him than face the horror of 12 consecutive days with no minecraft. I can say though, that it was highly effective. He hasn't slipped up again, and still remembers the horror of the weekend without minecraft.


paigepea
I'm PEAchy Keen!

PeaNut 74,479
March 2003
Posts: 17,867
Layouts: 116

Posted: 2/12/2013 9:39:18 AM
I would take away screen time at home or whatever it is that turns his crank.

Don't know why your teacher is still dealing with this in February - what has she done the rest of the year. Ds sounds like he tested the waters and it was never stopped right away. She should have called you in October and this should have been dealt with properly then. She also should expect support from you at home, which is what you are showing, but she should be able to handle her own classroom, I teach high school and get talkers, and I deal with it in a better way then giving warnings and extra homework (or reading a book? Who thought up that brilliant idea). She shouldn't have to call home and complain and get ideas from you, she should have tried other consequences in October.

I'm not saying that ds is behaving, he should know better, but I get kids ages 12-18 who talk a lot, this isn't uncommon.

What types of breaks does ds get throughout the day? If they only get lunch and the end of the day recess (omg, how dumb, really really really dumb. Who gives recess before kids go home, no wonder this is such an issue) then the teacher might need to give some downtime during the day. No one focuses that long. Do they get water or bathroom breaks mid morning or mid afternoon. If not, then I'd think there'd be other disruptions with kids going to the bathroom, etc. I've had to adjust to an awful schedule in the past. 10 minutes during the morning allowed my students to rejuvenate and disruptions are limited.

Do what you can do at home - take away something until his behaviour improves and tell him what your expectations are, and ask the teacher to give further and appropriate consequences at school besides warnings. Don't reduce screen time when he signs the sheet. Take away all time every day he signs the sheet. Us behaviour will turn around quicker.

Paige.








finally~a~mama
StuckOnPeas

PeaNut 438,682
September 2009
Posts: 2,989
Layouts: 0

Posted: 2/12/2013 9:53:45 AM

Anyways, I suggested that since he values his recess time so much, that from now on he gets one chance. She calls him down once for talking, that's his warning. Second time, he looses X amount of time. Third time, more time. And so on. Does this seem reasonable?


No, I think that is way to lenient especially 2/3 of the way through the school year for a 5th grader who admits that he behaves this way

"Because I want to."
That is unacceptable in my book.

Honestly, I think I'd be done with warnings. He's been warned all school year. He knows he shouldn't be behaving this way. Obviously the consequences need to be bigger. No warnings. He should lose recess at school or be moved to a corner or sent to the principal or something that will make an impression. Then when he comes home he would be without screen time or playing with friends or whatever his currency is.

I don't think a 5th grade teacher needs to be warm, soft or loose. For one, she can't be "loose" with rules with your son. He's stomping all over the boundaries. Additionally, these aren't 5 year olds . These are kids that have been in school for years and are getting ready to move to middle school. I doubt those teachers are going to be all warm & fuzzy and hand out endless "warnings".




TheBiscuitScraps
Bubbie is my most prized title.

PeaNut 99,833
August 2003
Posts: 5,226
Layouts: 2
Loc: Raleigh, North Carolina

Posted: 2/12/2013 10:02:04 AM
I remember a student in my class ions and another lifetime ago that talked constantly. By spring, his desk was finally moved for the rest of the year with his back to the class right up next to the teacher's desk. It worked. He had no one to talk to.

Disrespect should not be tolerated PERIOD. Its probably against child labor laws to have him scrub the teacher's classroom floor with a toothbrush, but not at home. I would have him cleaning baseboards, floors, grout...anything and everything you can find for him to clean until the behaviour stops (including taking away all fun things). It will work at some point...ask my son about it. He back talked a teacher and was suspended. I stayed home with him and supervised the cleaning. He was grounded for 2 weeks with no TV or games.

Discipline is not a dirty word and at 5th grade, if you don't get a handle on it...Katy bar the door in middle school.

No matter what my children's grades...disrespect was not tolerated.


Carol
My favorite thing to make for dinner is reservations.
Visit me on Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/ccsalter/


ScrapbookFran
Changing it to Phrann

PeaNut 134,608
March 2004
Posts: 7,785
Layouts: 166
Loc: Peain' not scrappin' in O-Town

Posted: 2/12/2013 10:12:31 AM

There is a school option for a kid who disrupts the learning environment for others because the traditional school style does not fit his needs. Its called "home schooling".




That's such a viable option for most families, and soooo financially reasonable, isn't it?

Yes, disrespect is unacceptable. But suggesting home schooling is silly. People should not choose to home school because a child has respect issues.

OP, my only suggestion would be to keep working as a team with your son's teacher. Make a plan, be consistent, and be patient. *hugs*


the Pea f/k/a Frannie HaHa

ScrapbookFran's Blog






I always start writing with a clean piece of paper and a dirty mind. Patrick Dennis


Follow me on Twitter @1FranHB



IScrapCrap
StuckOnPeas

PeaNut 570,639
October 2012
Posts: 2,808
Layouts: 0
Loc: pea formerly known as GIPfunny

Posted: 2/12/2013 10:14:05 AM
Every kid is different. Some require EVERYTHING to be taken away. They have to earn back the privilege of having anything in their room. It sounds like your ds doesn't have a currency. Make him realize how good he has it when he has nothing.


benem
I live for the applause applause applause...

PeaNut 526,154
October 2011
Posts: 7,786
Layouts: 0
Loc: Illinois

Posted: 2/12/2013 10:21:11 AM
I don't know about your son but I will say, I am a "talker" and I have had to learn the very hard way that people don't like it.

I only found out later in life that I am a verbal learner. That's just how it is. I had a boss once who got very upset bc when she gave me directions I repeated them to myself as I jotted them down. Even though I was pretty smart and well behaved, some teachers (who were more autocratic in style) did not like me bc they thought I was mouthing off.

Yes I CAN sit quietly but I don't learn that way. I did much better in college classes when there was discussion and interaction.

Many people are very quiet, they learn just fine thru listening or watching. Many people learn by doing and some teachers have adjusted to accomodate this.

But there are people who learn verbally and that might be the case. Yes your son will have to develop the ability to sit quietly and NOT talk in class. That is an important skill just for getting along in life.

Additionally I grew up in large talky family and we easily talk over each other while also listening to each other and we yell and wave our hands around. No one gets offended if you talk while they are still talking. But there are people in this world who completely lose their tempers if you do anything but sit in silence while they are speaking. Maybe his new teacher is one of those.

In my case the talking thing IS NOT a sign of disrespect. In fact, the less I like you, the quieter I am around you. You can talk all you want and I won't say a word. That's bc unless I am talking BACK I am not really paying attention to you.



memecoop
PeaNut

PeaNut 542,227
February 2012
Posts: 104
Layouts: 0

Posted: 2/12/2013 10:34:22 AM
I think the idea of taking away everything and letting him earn it back is the way to go. As a former teacher, I must say there is nothing so rude and contagious as disrespect. This child has got to learn to function in the real world. Lack of respect for authority will lead to bigger problems down the road.
Uploaded with iPhone client

scrappy_princess
Jewelry Lady Pea

PeaNut 100,675
August 2003
Posts: 6,943
Layouts: 5
Loc: Northern California

Posted: 2/12/2013 10:37:58 AM
I know from experience that the always talking can be an impulsivity issue and could be a ADHD symptom. I would look into it.

The disrespectful answer -- I'd have him write an apology letter that is at least a page long, including why he should respect authority.


*betsey*
Jewelry Lady by trade... if you need some bling, give me a ring!

ScrapbookFran
Changing it to Phrann

PeaNut 134,608
March 2004
Posts: 7,785
Layouts: 166
Loc: Peain' not scrappin' in O-Town

Posted: 2/12/2013 10:40:59 AM
Watch, I can do it again!



It sure sounded like you said that kids who can't function within the parameters of the classroom should be homeschooled. Since, in this case, we're talking specifically about the OP's son, why is it silly for me to think are speaking to her?

MY point was, there are many, many reasons to home school, but a kid who is disrespectful is not a good reason, imho.

Wendy, please re-read benem's post. I've found plenty of times (even with my own son) that if the child's modality of learning is the sam as benem's is, that's definitely something you should discuss with his teacher. She should recognize what type of learner he is (and probably does). That can be a great point to start dialogue with the teacher. What she said about her talking back was NOT disrespect could very well be the same issue your DS is experiencing.

Pardon me now while I go on with my bad self being silly. It's a dirty job, but one of us Peas has to do it.


the Pea f/k/a Frannie HaHa

ScrapbookFran's Blog






I always start writing with a clean piece of paper and a dirty mind. Patrick Dennis


Follow me on Twitter @1FranHB



batya
Making the WWW better, one post at a time.

PeaNut 59,094
December 2002
Posts: 32,845
Layouts: 24
Loc: up on my high horse

Posted: 2/12/2013 11:10:41 AM
Then he needs to be taught that he will come across a lot of teachers he may not like and regardless of that he needs to stop talking and be respectful. It's even worse that he's doing it deliberately b/c he doesn't like the teacher. It means he can control it, knows better and just doesn't want to.

That's not ADHD. That's bratty.


OK. Newbie. This is how it works. If your post consists of 80% sanity, 10% stupidity and 10% all kinds of crazy, we immediately focus on the 20% b/c it discredits the 80%.




KikiNichole

PeaNut 69,597
February 2003
Posts: 27,801
Layouts: 2
Loc: Follow the Yellow Brick Road

Posted: 2/12/2013 11:17:24 AM
I agree Batya.

Both my parents were teachers. Growing up, we lived under the rule, with regard to school, punishment came first...question and excuses came after.

I always thought this was the most unfair thing...that my parents *always* took the teachers side, no matter what.

But as an adult looking back, there was only a time or two where that rule wasn't exactly as it should have been and I'm glad that my parents didn't accept my excuses...or make them for me.


~Kristen~

batya
Making the WWW better, one post at a time.

PeaNut 59,094
December 2002
Posts: 32,845
Layouts: 24
Loc: up on my high horse

Posted: 2/12/2013 11:20:15 AM
My parents were teachers, too.

DS in HS asked me to have him switched out of a class this year b/c he doesn't like the teacher and she doesn't like him. I thought he lost his mind. I told him he doesn't have to marry her. He has to learn from her. He will be staying put, learn to get along, do what is required of him. Period. Crazytown.


OK. Newbie. This is how it works. If your post consists of 80% sanity, 10% stupidity and 10% all kinds of crazy, we immediately focus on the 20% b/c it discredits the 80%.




doesitmatter?
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 509,811
May 2011
Posts: 6,639
Layouts: 27

Posted: 2/12/2013 11:24:14 AM
Go to school with and sit with him all day and make him stop talking - I did it with my middle son and it did work.


Child of God, follower of Jesus, and so thankful for His presence in my life <><
Uploaded with iPhone client

KikiNichole

PeaNut 69,597
February 2003
Posts: 27,801
Layouts: 2
Loc: Follow the Yellow Brick Road

Posted: 2/12/2013 11:24:51 AM

DS in HS asked me to have him switched out of a class this year b/c he doesn't like the teacher and she doesn't like him. I thought he lost his mind. I told him he doesn't have to marry her. He has to learn from her. He will be staying put, learn to get along, do what is required of him. Period. Crazytown.


Ha! Isn't that the truth?

My son is an aide first block. I cannot tell you how many times he will text me (yes TEXT ME) in the morning, while he's laying in bed and I'm in the bathroom getting ready to ask me if he can skip.

Never once have I let him skip, yet, at least monthly, that boy will try again. It's like he doesn't know me at all.


~Kristen~

batya
Making the WWW better, one post at a time.

PeaNut 59,094
December 2002
Posts: 32,845
Layouts: 24
Loc: up on my high horse

Posted: 2/12/2013 11:37:31 AM
I don't know what possessed him to ask. I would never have asked. It was what it was and you dealt with it. Why do they ask? Do they not know us?


OK. Newbie. This is how it works. If your post consists of 80% sanity, 10% stupidity and 10% all kinds of crazy, we immediately focus on the 20% b/c it discredits the 80%.




Christine58
pea'rific teacher Union President

PeaNut 164,125
August 2004
Posts: 23,833
Layouts: 0
Loc: Western NY

Posted: 2/12/2013 11:40:28 AM
His response "because I want to " is unacceptable. Up the consequences at home.



Some people only dream of angels, I have held one in my arms.




Uploaded with iPhone client

VivMarina
PeaFixture

PeaNut 242,276
January 2006
Posts: 3,201
Layouts: 0
Loc: SF Bay Area

Posted: 2/12/2013 12:16:40 PM
This sounds like more than disrespect. Have you ever had him evaluated? Talking to himself, over morning announcements, etc.. indicates a loss of social cues. How do the other kids respond to him?


gar
Whoopea!

PeaNut 172,235
October 2004
Posts: 15,755
Layouts: 0
Loc: England UK

Posted: 2/12/2013 12:25:30 PM

Talking to himself, over morning announcements, etc.. indicates a loss of social cues.


I think *might* indicate a loss of social cues may be more accurate. It's one possibility but it could just as easily be simple bad manners/defiance/lack of discipline or many other things.




Today, I will be colouring outside the lines.


shwn0330
PeaNut

PeaNut 242,372
January 2006
Posts: 45
Layouts: 0
Loc: Northeast

Posted: 2/12/2013 12:29:37 PM
Be prepared in case the first punishment doesn't work (taking away recess, taking away screen time). We had an issue with my 2nd grader being disruptive at school(talking out of turn, socializing during work time, ignoring the teacher). Taking away TV and DS surprisingly (to us) did not work. We finally decided being bored would do it. When he would come home, he would get dinner right away, do homework and then right to bed. Yes, bedtime at 6PM. It took 3 days of that before he relented and we haven't had an issue since. You'll have to find what works for your son/family, and you will! Hang in there.

Maryland
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 87,597
May 2003
Posts: 11,075
Layouts: 0

Posted: 2/12/2013 12:31:45 PM
That behavior should be punished by loss of recess. If it didn't happen often, I would say get warnings first. But if it happens all the time, loss of recess. It's not hard to behave in class. I have three kids and they are talkers, loud, and very messy. But they know that they better behave in school. And they do. They are 9, 13 and 15 and none have ever gotten in trouble for talking. They have all three had teachers they love and teachers they can't stand. That's a great lesson for kids. Things won't always be easy.

If loss of recess doesn't help, I would try taking away electronics or stuff that he loves. We are going to do that to our kids for being messy and not putting things away. Their behavior at home (messiness) is not acceptable to us. A few days without their iphones (the oldest have iphones) and I'm sure they won't be messy much longer.

I hope you figure something out that works for your son.


scoobers
Why, YES!, I am a princess.

PeaNut 417,049
March 2009
Posts: 12,906
Layouts: 0

Posted: 2/12/2013 12:38:41 PM
Without prior warning, I would be sitting thisclose to him in class tomorrow morning. And every morning until he learned to straighten up his act.

Life would be pretty miserable at home too. He would be with me all the time; doing chores, cooking/dishes, etc.

Jacking around at school and being disrespectful didn't fly in our home when I was a kid and not in my home as an adult.



VivMarina
PeaFixture

PeaNut 242,276
January 2006
Posts: 3,201
Layouts: 0
Loc: SF Bay Area

Posted: 2/12/2013 12:50:19 PM
Very true, I didn't choose my words wisely. There could also be other issues. I just think it might be worth looking into. For 5th grade this just seems over the top.


I think *might* indicate a loss of social cues may be more accurate. It's one possibility but it could just as easily be simple bad manners/defiance/lack of discipline or many other things.

Talking to himself, over morning announcements, etc.. indicates a loss of social cues

writermom1
Thrift Whisperer

PeaNut 114,407
November 2003
Posts: 22,729
Layouts: 66
Loc: At the intersection of Hooterville and Stars Hollow

Posted: 2/12/2013 1:08:38 PM
Loss of privileges and detention seem warranted. He doesn't care because, apparently, there has not been a negative impact to him as consequence - yet.



Uploaded with iPhone client

Jodi_S
PeaAddict

PeaNut 228,581
October 2005
Posts: 1,555
Layouts: 26
Loc: Winnipeg, Canada

Posted: 2/12/2013 1:13:01 PM
Here's what I did when my son was disrespectful at the start of the year to his teacher. He is 8.
- everything taken away. He lost everything ipod, xbox, tv, friends, for two weeks. He then had to earn each item back each week.
- write a letter of apology to his teacher
- he wrote out 5 pages of lines at home saying how he will never be disrespectful in class again
- each morning when he woke up, he would say, "I will be respectful to everyone today".
- he had to tell his grandparents (retired teacher and the other retired principle), whom he adores, what he did
- lost 3 days of recesses (gets 2 recesses a day plus a lunch recess)
- warned that if he was disrespectful again, Mom was coming to class with him

Yes, I came down hard on him. He deserved it. Disrespect is unacceptable. He did everything above and is back to being a good student like he was before.

I know why he did it because we talked about it. I also spoke with his pyschologist who he saw when he was bullied last year and she made me understand the why. She also agreed with the punishment.

I told my son when we talked how much he disappointed me with his actions. I also told him that I loved him very much but this lack of respect was unacceptable. He understood.

With my son, his reason wasn't because he didn't like his teacher, he did. He was trying to "be" the tough kid in a new school before he could get bullied again. He knows now that it was the wrong approach and has made a lot of friends by being his normal self.

As for this situation, I would be doing the same thing. Disrespect is disrespect. I would also give the teacher the benefit of the doubt about her personality. Such as maybe she is more warm and friendly to the other kids but is a bit "colder" because the child keeps disrespecting her and her class. Just a thought..


**********************************************************

obsidian
StuckOnPeas

PeaNut 300,909
March 2007
Posts: 2,338
Layouts: 1
Loc: Waikato

Posted: 2/12/2013 1:17:28 PM
There is a girl in DD's new class. She wont stop talking. Her desk has been moved to right beside the teachers. Back to class. She won't stop talking. Yesterday she followed DD home and played in traffic. I'm pretty sure she has behavioral issues.

The girl is DD's new desk buddy. *sigh.*



BudgetMama
StuckOnPeas

PeaNut 138,670
March 2004
Posts: 2,354
Layouts: 2
Loc: Oregon

Posted: 2/12/2013 1:19:33 PM
Have you had him evaluated for ADD or other similar issues? I would hate for you to go hard line on punishing him all year if it's something that's beyond his control right now.

Beyond that, I think a chair in the hallway and extra homework (no screen time) would be my suggestions.

voltagain
OklaPhoma

PeaNut 18,334
July 2001
Posts: 38,143
Layouts: 15
Loc: State of cultural confusion. Yeehaw and Aloha have collided!

Posted: 2/12/2013 1:23:50 PM
If he was well behaved in class in previous years and says he is doing this because it wants to... you don't have a behavior/social cues problem..

You have a child on the verge of puberty who is pushing the envelope. He is seeing if there are any adults in the world big enough to take him down. So far, no. The adults in his world have their hands tied by regulation (his teacher) or because they like warm and fuzzy (his mom)

If you want to end this, an incremental take way recess signals you will do the bare minimum it takes to get his attention. It is not going to be effective. That is for little toddlers.

At this age you need Shock and Awe. Do what he doesn't expect and never dreamed his parents were capable of doing. Be fast, decisive and hard lined. Or you are going to be in for a rough 10-15 years with him. Right now in his world he is the biggest person. That is a dangerous place to be at 10.


What Your Kit Lens Can Do For You

Canon 60d, Canon 24-70mm 2.8L, Canon 70-200mm 2.8L, 50mm 1.8, 28-80, 75-300mm and Tamron 90mm 2.8 macro
1 2 >
Show/Hide Icons . Show/Hide Signatures
Hide
{{ title }}
{{ icon }}
{{ body }}
{{ footer }}