And Then I was in a Car Accident...

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Posted 2/12/2013 by angelaspangela in NSBR Board
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angelaspangela
PeaNut

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Posted: 2/12/2013 2:45:58 PM
I was in a car accident on my way into work this morning. 98% sure I'll be found not at fault.
I'm out of work for three days with a concussion, and my back is so freaking sore.

Anyways!

The thing I'm frustrated with is the fact that I called my dad [I'm a big kid that lives at home thanks to the economy, and I was driving his truck thanks to nemo] to let him know I was in a car accident and could he come pick me up, bring me to the hospital or whatever since I declined an ambulance because I didn't think I was as bad off as I really was. He told me he had an appointment for work at 8 and that I'd need to find someone else to pick me up.
Call me crazy, but I think they'd understand that you need to reschedule because your daughter was in a freaking car accident.
I was able to find a friend to come pick me up [mind you it was 7:30A] and bring me to the ER to be seen. And someone else was able to pick me up from the hospital and bring me to the pharmacy and back home. I'm just miffed at the fact that whenever I seem to NEED my dad to be there he can't.

KikiNichole

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Posted: 2/12/2013 2:52:13 PM
I understand your frustration...but try to remember, he's giving you a place to live. So he's there. Just not always in every way you need him to be.

Glad you're okay.


~Kristen~

redboots
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Posted: 2/12/2013 2:55:09 PM

I'm just miffed at the fact that whenever I seem to NEED my dad to be there he can't.


Really? So allowing "a big kid" to live at home and drive his vehicle isn't being there for you when you need him?

You are showing your age and immaturity. Adults often have to make difficult choices, especially when it comes to work.

I'm glad you're okay, and I'm sure your father is, too. I do, however, think that you need to rethink your attitude. You're coming across as immature and ungrateful. Why don't you find a place and a vehicle of your own if your dad is so bad?

notcomputersavvy
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Posted: 2/12/2013 2:56:08 PM
First, glad you're okay!

And your dad goes far beyond what mine would do. For starters, I wouldn't be offered to move back home if needed...not that I would because he's an ass! =P And he would NEVER allow me to drive his truck...especially if the roads were bad! The fact that he's giving you a roof over your head AND allowing you to drive his truck is FAR beyond what my dad would do!





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Kerri W
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Posted: 2/12/2013 2:57:23 PM
Kristin said it much more nicely than me.

Keep repeating this:


I'm a big kid


I have young adult children. If one of them had posted your OP my response would be "if you want to be treated like a big girl, act like a big girl" You're an adult. You were able to take care of yourself. Be proud of that.

MizIndependent
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Posted: 2/12/2013 2:59:02 PM
Firstly, sorry you were in an accident. That sucks. Hope you get better quickly.

Secondly, when you say "big kid", how big do you mean? Are we talking 19-24? 25-30? 30+?

Thirdly, you declined an ambulance so clearly you were not in imminent danger of dying. Perhaps he thought you were "big kid" enough to handle this one on your own.

Fourthly, do you suppose he might be a little miffed about his truck being wrecked no matter who was at fault? Also, do you happen to know the nature of this appointment he had to keep? If you weren't in immediate danger, perhaps he thought he could take you after, perhaps his job hinges on this appointment. It's possible.

In any case, I'd have a chat with him if it's really bugging you.



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biochemipea
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Posted: 2/12/2013 3:00:43 PM
I'm sorry you were in a car accident! Are you OK?

I can understand being disappointed that your dad couldn't/wouldn't come and get you after your accident. Sometimes, even if you are an adult, it is just really nice having your parent there!!






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busypea
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Posted: 2/12/2013 3:01:38 PM
I am glad you are OK and weren't hurt more seriously.

But, like the others have the others have said, you sound rather ungrateful and immature.

He is doing a lot for you. Appreciate that. Don't focus on wishing he was doing even more. I am sure if you were incapacitated, he'd be by your side. But you're not. Man up and deal with it. That's what adults do. They take the ambulance or call a cab or whatever. You chose not to take the ambulance and rely on others instead. That's on you.

AKathy
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Posted: 2/12/2013 3:23:28 PM

I am glad you are OK and weren't hurt more seriously.

But, like the others have the others have said, you sound rather ungrateful and immature.

He is doing a lot for you. Appreciate that. Don't focus on wishing he was doing even more. I am sure if you were incapacitated, he'd be by your side. But you're not. Man up and deal with it. That's what adults do. They take the ambulance or call a cab or whatever. You chose not to take the ambulance and rely on others instead. That's on you.

I agree. Your Dad couldn't come and get you because he had an appointment at work. I would venture to guess that it's because of his job he is able to provide a roof over your head and a vehicle for you to drive. And you're complaining he isn't doing enough for you?


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purpledaisy
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Posted: 2/12/2013 3:34:06 PM
I'm sorry you were in an accident! I hope you feel better soon.


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Posted: 2/12/2013 3:55:57 PM
I think that sometimes being the big kid means that boundary lines are blurred. Are you the adult who is an adult? Are you the kid who still wants/needs your Dad's help? Maybe there is more to the story about how he's not helping but maybe he feels like he's helping as much as he can?

Bottom line is that you're not going to know until you discuss it with him. Hope you feel better.



Zella
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Posted: 2/12/2013 4:07:13 PM
I don't understand those who are saying your dad's behavior is understandable, or saying you need to grow up.

I'd be there in a heartbeat for my adult kids, and I'm sure my mom would be there for me. That's just part of being family, and has nothing to do with age.


Trying to live each day for itself


KikiNichole

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Posted: 2/12/2013 4:13:16 PM
Zella,

When I went into labor with my first baby, I called my mom. She couldn't make it right away because she was in a meeting. I knew it didn't mean that she didn't love me or didn't *want* to be there...it just meant that she was in the middle of *her* life in that moment and she would be there just as soon as she was able.

Now, I don't know the history between the OP and her father...but it seems like if he's lending his home and lending his car, that he's there. He's providing love and assistance and sometimes the very definition of being an adult is understanding that you don't always come first, even when you want to...and even when others would like for you to.



~Kristen~

gmcwife1
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Posted: 2/12/2013 4:17:44 PM

I don't understand those who are saying your dad's behavior is understandable, or saying you need to grow up.




Based on the info in the first post, if I had a very important work meeting that couldn't be rescheduled, I would not risk the income that is supporting both of us to go get my adult child from an accident that she didn't think she needed to use the ambulance to get to the hospital/doctor from.

But as a child I also won't have called my parents if I declined the ambulance. That would have meant I didn't think it was that back so I would not ask them to leave work.


~ Dori ~

busypea
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Posted: 2/12/2013 4:20:50 PM

I'd be there in a heartbeat for my adult kids, and I'm sure my mom would be there for me. That's just part of being family, and has nothing to do with age.

They are minor injuries. Minor enough she didn't feel an ambulance was necessary. Minor enough the ER treated and released her a short time later.

Things like this do not bring the world to a grinding halt. Life goes on.

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StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 2/12/2013 4:22:41 PM
Sorry you were in an accident--I hope you feel better soon.


But, like the others have the others have said, you sound rather ungrateful and immature.


She's sore and hurting. When you get in an accident you can't think clearly--it rattles your brain around.



angelaspangela
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Posted: 2/12/2013 4:23:52 PM

Secondly, when you say "big kid", how big do you mean? Are we talking 19-24? 25-30? 30+?

I'm 25. I'm making the steps to move up at work and to move out by the time I'm 26 this summer.

Without divulging more information than I'm willing to share in a public forum.. I do work. I have a college degree. I have my own car. I am unable to afford to live on my own due to my student loans I obtained to get said degree. I don't freeload. I don't take money from him. I don't lounge around and eat bonbons all day. I am a contributing member of the household. Everything he does for me doesn't go unappreciated, by any means.
His truck isn't totaled. His truck is still drive-able. Repairs aren't going to come out of his pocket. Any inconvenience he is going to experience is minimal, at best, as he uses his truck at most three times a month because he has a work vehicle.

I see both sides to the situation. I get that he has work. I get that he has his bills to pay. But to suggest that I'm not allowed to be upset about this because "an adult" handles things on their own is bull to me. To me, an adult reaches out for help when they need it and I needed help. Fine, he didn't come help me because he had work. Ok. It is what it is. But the snarky comments about how I'm less of an adult because I had an emotional response to the situation just seems silly to me. Maybe this is just me being immature though..

perumbula
oooh, what you said!

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Posted: 2/12/2013 4:31:01 PM
I once had a friend who complained that her parents didn't love her as much as they loved her siblings because her mother was always willing to babysit for her sister but was never willing to babysit for her. 1. mother had her own mother living with her and babysitting for her other dd got mom out of the house for a few days and a break from grandma. Friend wanted Mom to babysit at Mom's house. With Grandma there. 2. Friend had five kids. Sister had two. 3. Friend's parents were paying half her mortgage and all the costs of remodeling her home so she could sell her other house to pay off debts and get a bigger place. I eventually broke of relations with this person because I couldn't stand the unjustified whining.

What does this have to do with you? I've learned as an adult we don't get to define how other people love us. Are there times when I wish my parents would be there for me differently? Sure. Doesn't mean they aren't there for me at all. Be grateful for the love you receive and learn to see love when it's there. It will make all your relationships better.

BTW, I hope you get feeling better soon. Car accidents are really stressful things. I'm sure that's why you are feeling so frustrated with your dad. It's not easy to think things through and feel rational when you hurt.


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TripletMom
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Posted: 2/12/2013 4:32:40 PM
I'm sorry you were in an accident. I hope you are feeling better soon and have no lasting effects from the accident.


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batya
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Posted: 2/12/2013 4:34:21 PM
On the one hand, I get what everyone is saying about her being an adult and it wasn't life- threatening and ITA you can't just leave work for everything and we don't know the dynamics of this relationship.

On the other hand, I can't imagine the hell some of you would be raising if this was a wife and she said her DH wouldn't leave work to get her in this situation. I know you wouldn't be saying she's an adult and she should be finding her own way and he puts a roof over her head.

PS: I'm sorry you were in an accident. I know it's scary and I hope you're OK.


OK. Newbie. This is how it works. If your post consists of 80% sanity, 10% stupidity and 10% all kinds of crazy, we immediately focus on the 20% b/c it discredits the 80%.




TeamSteve
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Posted: 2/12/2013 4:40:35 PM
I'm sorry you were in an accident and sending well wishes your way. If it were my DD, I would have been there in a hot minute, without hesitation, but that's me.



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Posted: 2/12/2013 4:41:46 PM

On the other hand, I can't imagine the hell some of you would be raising if this was a wife and she said her DH wouldn't leave work to get her in this situation. I know you wouldn't be saying she's an adult and she should be finding her own way and he puts a roof over her head.


My thoughts exactly. My first thought would be to call the person I lived in the same house with - whoever that was.




Rhonda

MizIndependent
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Posted: 2/12/2013 4:44:54 PM

On the other hand, I can't imagine the hell some of you would be raising if this was a wife and she said her DH wouldn't leave work to get her in this situation. I know you wouldn't be saying she's an adult and she should be finding her own way and he puts a roof over her head.
I was in two, low impact accidents in recent years and I did not expect my DH to drop everything and come rescue me. I dealt with it, then told him about it afterwards...like an adult.


But to suggest that I'm not allowed to be upset about this because "an adult" handles things on their own is bull to me. To me, an adult reaches out for help when they need it and I needed help.
Of course you're allowed to be upset. Could it perhaps be that your dad didn't realize how distressed you were?



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dcasta
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Posted: 2/12/2013 4:46:21 PM
For the record, I would have been there before the phone hung up if it were my sons. When my daughter in law had an accident last year I rushed to their house to watch the kids so my son could go to her at the accident site almost 20 miles away. Not even a second thought.
I hope you are okay now. My kids are all in their 20's and we lean on each other for support. It is not even something we discuss--we just do it. I just spent 7 hours in the emergency room with my 2 year old grandson this week. We got out at 4:35am, home by 4:50am and on my way to an apt some distance away at 5:45am. Sometimes you just have to do things and work it out somehow.



WillowJane
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Posted: 2/12/2013 4:51:26 PM
If it were my adult child who asked for my help after a car accident I would be there. Not every medical symptom presents itself when first responders are on scene.

And how many other women have come on this forum venting about a situation? What happened to the support people used to be able to come here for? First lunch ladies complaining about how Dad's visit their DD's too much for lunch and now others complaining DD is asking too much from Dad when there is a high potential for physical injury after a car accident.

This place and the selectivity shown to certain Peas gives me whiplash some days.

MizIndependent
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Posted: 2/12/2013 4:53:44 PM

What happened to the support people used to be able to come here for?
I think it was a slight whiff of "entitlement" that perhaps got the ball rolling.

Not saying OP is or is not entitled, but there was a slight tone she may not have noticed or be aware of in her post and that may be what some of us read in to.



Youtube: Hungry For Change - Your Health is in Your Hands. Dieting doesn't work, this movie tells you why.

Your beliefs don't make you a better person, your behavior does.


angelaspangela
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Posted: 2/12/2013 4:53:55 PM

On the other hand, I can't imagine the hell some of you would be raising if this was a wife and she said her DH wouldn't leave work to get her in this situation. I know you wouldn't be saying she's an adult and she should be finding her own way and he puts a roof over her head.


I had the same thought but I didn't want to instigate more than I had with my previous post.


I was in two, low impact accidents in recent years and I did not expect my DH to drop everything and come rescue me. I dealt with it, then told him about it afterwards...like an adult.


That's how you, as an adult, chose to handle the situation. I, as an adult, reached out for help from the one person I feel comfortable being vulnerable around because I don't have a husband or a boyfriend. Kudos to you for being strong enough to handle that on your own. I'm just not understanding why I'm less of an adult for this.


And while, yes, thankfully my injuries were not life threatening with only a minor concussion, I'm sure some responses would be different had I arrived at the hospital and I had in fact fractured something in my neck or back or had a more severe concussion and my dad hadn't dropped everything to come to my aid. There's no right or wrong opinion on this topic.

I'm not looking for pity. I'm not really looking for sympathy, while I appreciate the well wishes. I really just wanted to vent my frustration and this has snowballed into a conversation that's attacking me for being upset about something.

dcasta
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Posted: 2/12/2013 5:05:44 PM
How did you come up with the "whiff of entitlement"?? I am 50 yrs old. I have 4 sons and 3 grandchildren. Anytime I have had an issue--car, sick, whatever---I call one of my sons. I would consider myself an "adult" at this point but when you need someone you just do. They in turn will call me for things. Some important and others not so much. Whatever.
I do not see how you can get a "feeling" from a few lines. I am not one to sit here and see what everyone else is saying and go with the flow. I speak my mind. I think she needed someone. I, for one, feel bad for her.



writermom1
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Posted: 2/12/2013 5:07:52 PM
Vent Away.

I'm a capable adult and when I've been in an accident my first thought once the police are on the way is "I have to call my husband." He's my support.

My mother is a grown adult and yet I rushed to retrieve her after a car accident.

I'm sure there may be circumstances we don't know in OPs situation but I can't fault a good vent.



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Onekwa
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 2/12/2013 5:09:10 PM
A parent's worst nightmare: "Mom, I was in an accident!"

I got that phone call from my son last year. He's 21, still lives at home, and the first words out of my mouth was "Are you ok?!" And since he had my car, I was out the door willing to walk to where he was. Luckily, I got a ride. And if I was at work, I still would have left to go to him. Just because he's an adult, doesn't mean that he has to deal with that on his own. Even if he was older.

OP, sorry you were in an accident, and glad you weren't more hurt. And sorry your dad wasn't there for you. Maybe dads are different than moms. Hugs!




karenina
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Posted: 2/12/2013 5:21:32 PM
Sorry you were in an accident, that is never a fun time.

I can't think of anything I would ask my dad for and he would say no.
Within reason, obviously, I don't ask him for money or gifts LOL...but even at 40, if I called my dad and asked him for something, he would be there for me. I've never really thought about that before, but I'm sure it has played a role in who I am today - knowing I can always count on him. Thank you for the post - I think I'll give Pops a call tonight.

Now that I'm typing it out though, I don't think I would call him for something like that. I was in a serious accident last year, and didn't tell my parents until a day or two after. Not because of my dad, my mom would get all worked up so it was better to wait.

Your dad loves you, I'm glad you are okay.



bear_mom
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Posted: 2/12/2013 5:35:06 PM
There isn't enough information here.....

What did you tell you dad when you called him? Did you tell him that you were okay you just needed a ride? Did you tell him that his truck was still drivable? Did you tell him why you thought you needed to go the ER and why you couldn't drive yourself and why you dismissed the EMS team?

What exactly did you dad say back? Did he say sorry, I'd love to come get you but I have to go to this meeting? or was it a mean, your own your own?

What does your dad do and what kind of meeting was it? Is your dad's job stable?

If you called your dad and told him you were fine, that you didn't think you needed EMS transport, the truck was still drivable, but you thought you needed to go to the ER just to be safe and he had a really important meeting, then I could see your dad's reaction.

On the other hand, if you called you dad and said that EMS had already left and now you had a sudden headache and trouble seeing and your dad blew you off for a minor meeting that could have easily be rescheduled, then I can see where you would be upset.

Emily

PeaJaneRun
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Posted: 2/12/2013 5:45:25 PM

How did you come up with the "whiff of entitlement"?? I am 50 yrs old. I have 4 sons and 3 grandchildren. Anytime I have had an issue--car, sick, whatever---I call one of my sons. I would consider myself an "adult" at this point but when you need someone you just do. They in turn will call me for things. Some important and others not so much. Whatever.



I don't think anybody's faulting her for calling her dad. I believe the "whiff of entitlement" was from her being upset when he couldn't drop everything and come help her. Sometimes you can't.

Of course you're going to call one of your kids or grandkids. But if your kid said, "Mom, I'm walking into a really important meeting" then you wouldn't be pissed. You'd either call one of your other kids or a taxi. Because, yes, that's what adults do. Deal with whatever the situation is even if you'd have preferred it go the other way.

angelaspangela
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Posted: 2/12/2013 5:47:02 PM

What did you tell you dad when you called him? Did you tell him that you were okay you just needed a ride? Did you tell him that his truck was still drivable? Did you tell him why you thought you needed to go the ER and why you couldn't drive yourself and why you dismissed the EMS team?


I called my dad hysterically crying. After the police were called. The only people on the scene were myself and the driver of the other car. I didn't know the status of the truck. I told him I hit my head and that I needed him to be here to help me with the towing of the truck and getting back to the house.


What does your dad do and what kind of meeting was it? Is your dad's job stable?

My dad is in HVAC sales. Not curing cancer. Not responsible for the opening of anything. He had an appointment with a client, which I get is important selling stuff is how he makes his money, but it's not like it wasn't something that could have been talked about later in the day or on another day.
It was the way he dismissed what was going on that pissed me off. I know my dad loves me, I don't doubt that. But being brushed off, the way I was, after what had happened was kind of the icing on the cake, so to speak.

*Shannah*
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Posted: 2/12/2013 5:47:46 PM
in response to a pp that said dads might be different from moms, my dad absolutely would be there for me in a heartbeat if I needed him. granted, he's 2 states away, but still would be there. and my dh would be there in a heartbeat for our dd as well. family is family and is ALWAYS more important. now, would he high tail it out of work if he had an important appointment? Probably. unless it was something he absolutely could not reschedule, he would be out of there before she hung up the phone.

melanell
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Posted: 2/12/2013 5:51:39 PM
I called my Dad once, before he was even up for the day, to come "rescue" me after a 180 spin-out on the road.

I was in my 30s, I was married, I had a kid. The kid was in the car with me. No one had any injuries at all. The car had not once single scratch. Yet I still needed help, and I still called my poor dad, who was sleeping because he worked nights at the time, and it was only 7am.

For reasons unknown, after it initially happened, I couldn't get the car to restart. So I was sitting backwards in one lane of a busy 2 lane road, with a 4 year old in the bitter cold winter. (It was black ice that got me that day.)

He came at once. I could have called umpteen other people if he wouldn't/couldn't come, but I still called him first (Well, 2nd. I called AAA first, but then I wanted someone to take DS for me.).

Sometimes, some adults still find that mom or dad are their first choice for assistance. And I don't really see it as being wrong to be a little bummed out if that parent is unable to help you when you call them. I'm sure, that despite him having several good reasons to decline my request that morning, had he actually chose not to come, I would have felt a little bad as well.

Feel better, soon, OP.



(And as a P.S., it's a 2 way street for me. My parents often choose me as their go-to person when they need help with something, and DH's parents definitely call him or his brother anytime they need help.)



MizIndependent
Is there another word for synonym?

PeaNut 256,623
April 2006
Posts: 15,004
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Loc: Right where I'm s'posed to be.

Posted: 2/12/2013 5:52:03 PM

It was the way he dismissed what was going on that pissed me off. I know my dad loves me, I don't doubt that. But being brushed off, the way I was, after what had happened was kind of the icing on the cake, so to speak.
Well, in that case, I can completely understand being hurt and angry. Sorry he treated you that way, (((OP))).



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dcasta
PeaAddict

PeaNut 260,782
May 2006
Posts: 1,241
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Posted: 2/12/2013 6:08:21 PM
My response is due to the last line of the OP's first post. She stated that her father seemed to never be there when she needed him. Sad that she feels that way regardless of her age.
It doesn't matter how old you are when you need someone. Now the OP has stated she was hysterical when she called her dad. Omg. I would have been there so fast. Onekwa said a parents worst nightmare is hearing, "Mom, I was in an accident". Absolutely! I know a lot of people try to "teach" their children to be independent but sometimes needing them is more important than a lesson.



batya
Making the WWW better, one post at a time.

PeaNut 59,094
December 2002
Posts: 32,845
Layouts: 24
Loc: up on my high horse

Posted: 2/12/2013 6:09:20 PM

My dad is in HVAC sales. Not curing cancer. Not responsible for the opening of anything. He had an appointment with a client, which I get is important selling stuff is how he makes his money, but it's not like it wasn't something that could have been talked about later in the day or on another day.


This is the attitude that is causing the trouble.

I understand calling him. I understand wanting him to come. I don't know the dynamic. He can think you cry wolf or don't appreciate his responsibilities elsewhere (which seems to come across here). Or it can be that he gives you material things but when you want his presence, he falls short. We just don't know.

What I do know is that people are coming down on you without enough information. I'm the suck it up type. But I don't see how calling a friend to get you home is being any more of an adult than calling your father. Either way, you had to impose on the goodness of someone else to help you. It just happens that he had something scheduled that he could/could not reschedule and we really don't know. And someone else was free or decided to make you a priority. And this we also don't know.

It's just that you hit the hot buttons. Adult child, moving back home, borrowing car, calling parent for help. Calling a friend wasn't any more independent but no one seems to have a problem with it.

Just an interesting read, this thread.


OK. Newbie. This is how it works. If your post consists of 80% sanity, 10% stupidity and 10% all kinds of crazy, we immediately focus on the 20% b/c it discredits the 80%.




dcasta
PeaAddict

PeaNut 260,782
May 2006
Posts: 1,241
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Posted: 2/12/2013 6:14:01 PM
Wow! I would never consider it an imposition for a friend to call me in an emergency.



futuredoc
PeaNut

PeaNut 576,169
January 2013
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Posted: 2/12/2013 6:24:36 PM
I'm sorry you were in an accident!

I'm in pretty much the same position - 25, degree, living at home but contributing to the household. I get what you're saying; I would be upset, too.

I think people are forgetting what it can be like to be in an accident, be stressed, be upset, and just be panicked. Some people don't get that way, but some do (and for others it depends on the situation). I think at the least your dad could have talked to you until you calmed down. But, I'm sure he loves you and I'm sure he wasn't happy you were so upset; he probably was stressed and thought you would be fine after you'd calmed down a bit.

I hope you're feeling better soon.


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CarolT
Slow Poke Pea

PeaNut 857
June 1999
Posts: 6,168
Layouts: 37
Loc: Central Florida

Posted: 2/12/2013 6:34:54 PM
I understand calling your dad and I understand being hurt that he didn't drop everything and come help you.

But (in the context of an adult child, living at home, driving dad's vehicle) I think it's this line, from your OP that people are reacting to "I'm just miffed at the fact that whenever I seem to NEED my dad to be there he can't."

Your dad is there for you by providing you with a place to live and allowing you to use his vehicle. Complaining that he is NEVER there when you need him and then suggesting that his work is not important, is really not fair and I think that is what is getting a rise out of the Peas.

And, for the record, I am the parent of adult children. Dd (who is 23, has a college degree, and is working in her field)is living at home rent-free to save money. We're happy to have her here and if she called me after an accident, I would be there as fast as humanly possible.



*********************




redboots
BucketHead

PeaNut 399,301
November 2008
Posts: 915
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Posted: 2/12/2013 6:49:42 PM

My dad is in HVAC sales. Not curing cancer. Not responsible for the opening of anything. He had an appointment with a client, which I get is important selling stuff is how he makes his money, but it's not like it wasn't something that could have been talked about later in the day or on another day.


Your post about your father's job is very condescending and dismissive, as was your statement that your father is never there when you need him. Like it or not, you came off as entitled and immature. You seem to be overlooking the huge help you're receiving by being allowed to live in the home and use your father's vehicle. His access to a company vehicle is irrelevant; he is under no obligation to allow you to live at home or use his vehicles, period.

It's great that you contribute to the household. YOU SHOULD. You are clearly being helped by the situation, however, as I'm sure you are still contributing less there than you'd be spending to live on your own. You aren't doing your family any favors by paying your own way. They are doing you a favor by helping you get on your feet.

I wouldn't have expected my husband or my father to drop what they were doing (even though neither of them is curing cancer) if I'd have been in a similar situation. Life is tough and adulthood often involves just sucking it up and handling situations yourself.

I really am sorry you're upset, and sorry you experienced a traumatic accident. I do hope, however, that you'll think about your attitude toward your father. You seem to have this expectation that he should just drop everything and help you regardless of the situation. It seems that he is already doing quite a bit to help you and that you have little appreciation for the help you're receiving.

TexasBorn
PeaNut

PeaNut 543,185
February 2012
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Posted: 2/12/2013 7:26:12 PM
Talk to your Dad when he gets home. His meeting was probably important to his job and he thought you were OK and just needed a ride. I'm sure he would have been there if he thought you really needed him but knew if you needed a ride you could call a friend. I am 60 and lost my Dad about 6 yrs ago but it is still instinct to want a parent. Glad you are OK and I say it is OK for you to feel slighted but don't dwell on it.

SMayer
StuckOnPeas

PeaNut 432,055
July 2009
Posts: 2,346
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Posted: 2/12/2013 7:39:25 PM
OP - I sorry you were in an accident and I hope you'll be OK with no long term effects. Neck and back injuries don't always pop up immediately.

I don't live at home (haven't for 25 years), but the first person I call whenever I have a problem is my Dad. Sometimes you just need the comfort that only a parent can give. I'm sorry he wasn't available for you.

peasful1
Needs a New Pea Title

PeaNut 44,870
August 2002
Posts: 14,918
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Loc: Valley of the Sun

Posted: 2/12/2013 8:06:14 PM

My dad is in HVAC sales. Not curing cancer.


It would actually be easier to leave a lab where one is curing cancer, than to walk away from a possible sale. People aren't patient. They don't wait. If they don't buy from him because he leaves, they'll buy from someone else. Someone who is available to meet their needs then and there. And I'm guessing commission from sales makes up the bulk of his income. So that sale? Gives you somewhere to live. Reality check.

Sometimes people can't be everything we need, or want them, to be in the exact moment we need them. That's life. That's what people are talking about when they say be an adult. Sometimes work really does take precedence over non-life threatening situations. I imagine had you called him back saying you had bleeding on the brain, he'd have been there lickety split. Bills need to be paid, and employers need their employees to do their jobs, curing cancer or not. And if your intent is to "move up" at your job, you best learn that and now.

You won't always be number one all of the time. He supports you. Even if you think you pay your way, his half of the way is what is keeping you afloat right now.



------------------------------------
"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself." -- Wayne Dyer


joscraps
StuckOnPeas

PeaNut 9,241
January 2001
Posts: 2,590
Layouts: 35
Loc: Missouri

Posted: 2/12/2013 8:23:21 PM
Bloody hell! Is it just me or are the peas extra judgmental these days???!!! I am 46 and I call my sister if I something happens to me. My dad, right up to when he died 2 years ago worried about me and I could call him for help. Kudos to those who are strong enough to deal with a crisis alone. Newsflash! It doesn't make you more of an adult! We are all different! If my daughter needed me, (26) I would do whatever I could to be there. Because, in some families that is how it is. Hugs to the OP and glad you are at least okay.


Jo


schizo319
...And now it's time for a breakdown

PeaNut 96,097
July 2003
Posts: 10,463
Layouts: 78
Loc: North Alabama

Posted: 2/12/2013 8:40:28 PM
You had a really crappy day, you're hurt and you wanted your dad. There is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes I just want my mom and I'm 34. Doesn't mean you're some kind of spoiled brat as implied by previous posts. Sorry for your crappy day.



I-95
It's all just nonsense anyway!

PeaNut 97,456
July 2003
Posts: 20,385
Layouts: 0
Loc: California, NY & Orlando

Posted: 2/12/2013 8:58:36 PM
I'm sorry you were in an accident.

Ignore all the Peas who think you should act like a grown up at a time like this...they'd all want their mom, or dad . I think we all revert to children when we're sick, or scared, or hurt.

I'm sorry your dad couldn't come, don't be too hard on him, mine would have said the same thing. Once he'd ascertained I was not dying, it wouldn't occur to him that it was an emotional need, and he'd weigh how important the meeting was v how badly injured I was, and make a logical decision. That's just him, and I accepted that years ago...but it would be nice if he dropped everything and raced on over. Growing up sucks huh?

angelaspangela
PeaNut

PeaNut 418,383
April 2009
Posts: 190
Layouts: 2
Loc: Pawtucket, RI

Posted: 2/12/2013 9:02:16 PM
Most of you really know how to kick someone when they're down. So a whole bunch of women who don't know me have decided that I'm a selfish, spoiled, immature brat because I was upset and I expressed my frustrations.

I know I opened the door when I posted what I did, but really? What the hell happened to if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all?
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