do you and your s.o. agree on vacations? If not, how do you solve this?

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Posted 2/13/2013 by Kayscraps in NSBR Board

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PeaNut 124,689
January 2004
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Loc: The Twilight Zone

Posted: 2/13/2013 9:47:01 AM
My dh and I disagree on where to go on vacation.
He always likes to go to the beach. I would really like to try to go to Ireland to seen my ancestral family. I have never been there and I want to go see the farm that my ancestors came from and meet my relatives who are still living on that farm. My dh has no desire to go to Ireland.
Just wondering if you and your s.o. ever differ on vacation wishes and if so, what do you do. Thanks!


PeaNut 574,604
December 2012
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Posted: 2/13/2013 9:47:52 AM
Yes, we occasionally do differ. We then go on separate vacations.


PeaNut 217,769
August 2005
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Loc: NY

Posted: 2/13/2013 9:51:04 AM
Yes, all the time. I would be happy going to Disney World every year but he wants to go to other places. We just compromise.

We went to Disney last year. We are going to VA in June. The following year we are going to CA to visit my family and I talked DH into taking a trip to Disneyland while out there. Then in 2015 I'll get to go back to Disney World.

We just compromise and plan ahead to make everyone happy.

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 134,808
March 2004
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Posted: 2/13/2013 10:00:41 AM
The problem we have is that I want to vacation and DH wants to travel.

I want to go somewhere warm, sit and relax. He wants to see lots of new things(be in a new place very day), take daring adventures (climb waterfalls, swim with dolphins, explore ruins, zip line in the rainforest,etc).

So we have compromised on cruises. I go and unpack once for a week. I can sit by the pool every day if I like. But the "hotel" moves to a new place each day. There are plenty of shore excursions with adventures. I can go with him. Or not. The Carnival mess won't stop us from cruising. We sail Celebrity usually and they have different engine room configurations to prevent this. We also sail newer ships.


PeaNut 205,553
May 2005
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Posted: 2/13/2013 10:11:40 AM
I tend to like more active vacations. He is happy to just relax - although he is not a huge beach fan. Honestly, since I plan most of our vacations I tend to get my way more often, but I do plan things that I know he wants to do.

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 11,642
February 2001
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Loc: Ohio

Posted: 2/13/2013 10:17:07 AM
We can never agree, so we pretty much don't go!

I think in your case, you should try to compromise-plan to do one this year and one next? Or, if he really never wants to go to Ireland, see if you can find a friend or relative or someone else to go with.

Peaing From Podunk

PeaNut 45,443
August 2002
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Posted: 2/13/2013 10:18:41 AM
My late DH's hobby was traveling. We had different ideas on it though. He liked very active vacations while ! did not. He did all the research for the trips we took way in advance. He'd plan things so that some days we'd see and do things I was interested in and on others we'd do his stuff. Some days we'd split up and meet back up at dinner time. For his big adventure trips like backpacking Australia, the Grand Canyon and the like, I just stayed home. Compromise worked very well for us.


Mother Goose's Meandering Mind


PeaNut 30,940
February 2002
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Posted: 2/13/2013 10:22:56 AM
We usually agree, but I see a time in the future where I might go on some trips with friends or family because my husband would have no interest. I'm fine with this.


PeaNut 262,248
May 2006
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Posted: 2/13/2013 10:23:11 AM
We swap. So one trip is his, the next mine. It's not perfect since I really like doing and seeing stuff and he really just wants to go to one place and never move again. Tough cookies. Sometimes you have to do something for the other person because it makes them happy. And that goes for both of us.

And whether he likes it or not we are going to France and Italy next year or the year after (he's been to both and really doesn't want to). I am not letting his idea of a vacation stop me from seeing what I really want to see or the fact I really want to see it with him.

ETA: that said I am going to Ireland in May with my mom since my mom is a widow and didn't want to go alone. My husband is happy to stay home. And I'm happy I will be there with someone who wants to see it and do all the driving!



PeaNut 7,143
October 2000
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Posted: 2/13/2013 10:24:52 AM
I'm another who says compromise. I would love to go to Disney every year too, but my dh is sick of it. Even my kids aren't fighting to go there. Lol.

My dd12 has been begging to go to Texas, and while I have no real desire or reason to go there, we've decided that we will make that our next family trip. I ordered the Texas vacation guide, and she has had a lot of fun looking through it. We will take her input as well as the input of the other kids and plan the vacation around that. So, in other words, compromise.

Mom to the Wild Things.

PeaNut 96,783
July 2003
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Posted: 2/13/2013 10:44:16 AM
You really should alternate who plans the vacation each year, since your preferences differ. If he won't go for that, then take your own vacation to Ireland without him. Maybe you have a friend who would enjoy going with you.

Doxie Pea Mom

PeaNut 52,841
October 2002
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Posted: 2/13/2013 10:47:08 AM
Usually DH and I agree on where to go. Most of the time, we both want a beach and preferably good snorkeling but we are ok if we sometimes go where we know the snorkeling is not as good. It is always somewhere warm though. DH has ZERO desire to go anywhere that is cold.

My dh has no desire to go to Ireland.
Just wondering if you and your s.o. ever differ on vacation wishes and if so, what do you do.

If there is some place that I want to go and he doesn't, I go on my own. I have always been able to go with a friend. For instance, I went to England and Scotland with friends. DH doesn't have a desire to go there and I did. I want to go to Italy and he has said that Italy would be nice so he is going to go. I'm not sure when we will get that planned. But, if he changes his mind, it will not stop me from going.

Hans on left, Bud in middle, Gretchen on right


PeaNut 53,328
October 2002
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Posted: 2/13/2013 11:00:29 AM
We generally agree, but usually I cave. We both like beach vacations, so usually it is not a huge compromise. This year, I really want to try somewhere different, but he really wants to go to Bahamas for fly fishing. Since it his birthday, I will let him have his way
However, if there is somewhere I really want to go, I'm pretty sure that he'd come with me. But if he didn't, I'd take a girlfriend instead.

Love Letters Pea

PeaNut 65,852
January 2003
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Posted: 2/13/2013 12:14:19 PM
Go alone.

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 171,221
October 2004
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Posted: 2/13/2013 12:17:47 PM
Take turns. It makes absolutely no sense that one would always get to choose. I would also question a relationship where one couldn't humor the other from time to time and enjoy what they're interests. I'm not precluding "going alone" or anything. But how does one not find something to enjoy on a vacation, even if it is not their pick? I manage to be happy on fishing and golf trips. My DH does the same when I want to visit places of ancestry to me.


...that's why they make blue cars and red cars.


Miss Lerins Momma
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 151,660
June 2004
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Posted: 2/13/2013 1:16:12 PM
I don't think we've ever disagreed on where to go for vacations. Our disagreements always are because of the timing. I want to go when Miss Lerin is out of school/won't miss much school, but that is always during racing season. So we either have to cut our trip short, so he can be back to race or go without him... we've done both. Last year we did a huge 12day Disney trip without him and he missed out on a lot, we'll probably never be able to do a trip like that again. This year, he's going with us but we have to leave late Sat. night (after racing) and come home on Fri night... so we won't even be gone a week. And we're doing mostly the beach, but doing Disney for one day, just to go.

I think if we had money to go to Ireland and he didn't want to go, I'd probably go without him. Maybe find a friend to go with you (or maybe your kids if they are teens/adults)?

Trolls *heart* me!!


PeaNut 562,203
July 2012
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Posted: 2/13/2013 1:17:17 PM
I just never get to go anywhere, because he doesn't want to go ANYWHERE ever.

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 31,617
March 2002
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Posted: 2/13/2013 1:19:36 PM
Go alone...being separated on one vacation won't hurt you and you might just become hooked on solo travel!

Married couples do NOT have to be joined at the hip; you CAN do things apart from each other and have a healthy (healthier) marriage.

Marilyn (now in New Mexico!!)
SCUBA diving and SCRAPPING Mom of two


PeaNut 18,630
July 2001
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Posted: 2/13/2013 1:45:20 PM
I go alone (with a travel company). J's idea of vacation is sitting still, maybe watching tv. I can watch tv at home, I don't see the point in going somewhere else to do it.

This year I'm going to Belize and Guatemala in the spring, then Vietnam and Cambodia in the fall. J is staying home with the dogs. It works great for us so far.

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PeaNut 522,402
October 2011
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Posted: 2/13/2013 1:57:31 PM
I guess I am lucky to have a DH and kids who are always game for anything. We're planning to do a lot of traveling for marathons/half marathons (we're both doing all 50 states), and occasionally, a great race is in a place that neither of us would choose to go to otherwise. We can usually find something that we'd like to do together, or well just enjoy each other's company.

After reading Love Does, we instituted a similar policy with our kids for one-on-one trips when they turn a certain age. And we'll be at their mercy for what they choose, whether it's Paris or camping in the desert. Life is about adventure!


PeaNut 514,615
July 2011
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Posted: 2/13/2013 2:13:57 PM

I would really like to try to go to Ireland to seen my ancestral family. I have never been there and I want to go see the farm that my ancestors came from and meet my relatives who are still living on that farm. My dh has no desire to go to Ireland.

In your case, is there someone from your family who would enjoy the trip? I took my mom on a trip like this, and we had a wonderful time.

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 9,321
January 2001
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Loc: all up in your business

Posted: 2/13/2013 3:01:35 PM
I have always wanted to go on a cruise, but DH thinks they're stupid, so I hope to one day go by myself or with friends or extended family.


PeaNut 13,004
March 2001
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Loc: USA

Posted: 2/13/2013 3:11:31 PM
I agree with the rest - compromise or go alone/with friend. We talk about where we'd like to go and usually start planning a year out. My husband would like to go to every national park there is. I enjoy those, but I also want to do other things. We went to Grand Canyon last year and he has finally agreed to a cruise, probably next year (although I was going this time with or without him).

I go on a lot of trips with friends. I sent him on a fried trip a few years ago because I felt guilty because I always went on trips myself. But he doesn't like to take off work much. This year I'm meeting friends in Vegas and he's going to the Kentucky Derby. I have zero interest for the Kentucky Derby and it's something he's wanted to go to for a long time. We also have a family trip at DD request for 21 bday and the cruise will probably be in December or January.


PeaNut 218,303
August 2005
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Loc: Pennsylvania

Posted: 2/13/2013 3:14:12 PM
My husband is just as happy not to take a vacation. He would rather stay home and work. However he needs to take a break. If someone doesn't make him he never will. I like to go to the beach or travel. I bribe him with fresh seafood lol. I hate seafood and honestly living in PA we don't get good, fresh seafood here anyway. He loves it and it is one time of year he can really enjoy it. Once he is there he has a great time, it's just getting him to go.

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 87,597
May 2003
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Posted: 2/13/2013 4:10:41 PM
We both love the beach, so do our three young kids. We do a month in the summer. So I am with you husband on this!

No, you should take turns on who decides where to go on vacation. Money should play into it too, Ireland may be more expensive than the beach.

Or take separate vacations if you both don't want to compromise. But I think taking turns is good.

ScraPEA Suzy the Purr-ple Pea

PeaNut 67,643
February 2003
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Loc: Peachtree City, GA

Posted: 2/13/2013 6:36:34 PM
I guess I really don't get why this is a huge problem. If you don't agree, take turns. My dh and I do that. One trip to the beach, next trip to somewhere else. For us, a cruise offers the best of both of our styles/preferences, but we have too many places we want to go to limit ourselves to just going on cruises.


It's all just nonsense anyway!

PeaNut 97,456
July 2003
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Loc: California, NY & Orlando

Posted: 2/13/2013 7:03:20 PM

I want to go somewhere warm, sit and relax. He wants to see lots of new things(be in a new place very day), take daring adventures (climb waterfalls, swim with dolphins, explore ruins, zip line in the rainforest,etc).

Hey, Creative, could we switch DHs for vacations? LOL! Your idea of a vacation exactly matches what my DH would like to do, and I'd be out there with your DH, zip lining, white water rafting, exploring the pyramids and riding camels through the desert.

As it is, we usually vacation separately. Compromising wouldn't work for us. He'd be miserable on my kind of vacation, and I'd be miserable on his. Since neither one of us believes the other should be miserable just to appease the other, we do what pleases each of us, separately.

How about you, Lash LaRue?

PeaNut 51,689
October 2002
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Loc: Melbourne, Australia

Posted: 2/13/2013 7:11:42 PM
Kayscraps that's so funny! My DSO would LOVE to go to Ireland, but I would much rather go to the beach!! My kids would HATE going anwhere where there wasn't some body of water to swim in. The only exception to that 'rule' is our once a year trip to the snow to ski.

It's kind of a moot point anyway, because we can't afford an overseas vacation. The only trips we take are to the beach within a 1.5 hour drive of where we live. We are lucky to have access to 3 holiday homes at 3 different beaches and that's where we go several times a year.

Maybe when the kids are grown up we can think about going overseas. My first choice will always be somewhere hot, but he might be able to talk me into going to Ireland one day. Anyway, I think he only wants to go there so he can go to a pub, listen to a good Irish band and drink gallons of Guinness. He can do that at one of the many Irish pubs right here in Melbourne LOL!!
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