I'm in tears. Major anxiety. Pray for me? Happy thoughts?

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Posted 2/15/2013 by Alissa103 in NSBR Board


PeaNut 39,261
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Posted: 2/15/2013 1:56:42 PM

I am having major anxiety over our house selling/buying/moving for DH's job. It's become to the point where I'm not sleeping but 1-2 hours a night because I cannot turn off my brain thinking about everything. We have an almost 10 mo DS and it's been very hard for me to be a good mom, wife, etc. and deal with all that comes with moving on absolutely no sleep. DH is trying to help and is very understanding, but he is also under stress with his new job. All of this combined is driving me bananas.

If you would send some up some prayers, good vibes, happy, positive thoughts, (whatever is your "thing" ) that everything is going to work out ok, I'd very much appreciate it.

I'm trying to just let go and trust that it's going to work out, but it's been very hard for me for some reason this time.

I'm in tears as I type this and am not sure how much more I can handle

Leads a Charmed Life

PeaNut 43,843
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Posted: 2/15/2013 1:58:38 PM
I'm sorry, I hope things work out soon, sending you good thoughts!


PeaNut 39,261
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Posted: 2/15/2013 2:00:04 PM
Thank you, ladies


PeaNut 202,096
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Posted: 2/15/2013 2:01:09 PM
I am sending you good thoughts and prayers. I hope everything works out for you. Take care of yourself.

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 12,875
March 2001
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Posted: 2/15/2013 2:02:05 PM
Prayers, hugs, and good thoughts are being sent your way. New job for DH? Moving? new baby? Any of those things alone would be stressful. All together it would be crushingly stressful. Be kind to yourself and take deep breaths. You will get through it.

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PeaNut 256,623
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Posted: 2/15/2013 2:02:59 PM

It will be alright. Be kind to yourself, moving and job change are two of life's major stresses. Remind yourself of all the good things going on and just hang in there.

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PeaNut 69,237
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Posted: 2/15/2013 2:03:44 PM
Prayers said for an easy transition.

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PeaNut 41,743
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Posted: 2/15/2013 2:03:46 PM
Prayers and good thoughts headed your way. ((hugs))

I completely understand not being able to turn your brain off. It might be worth a visit to your doctor for something that will help.

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PeaNut 12,171
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Posted: 2/15/2013 2:04:38 PM
Prayers said!

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PeaNut 96,783
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Posted: 2/15/2013 2:12:46 PM
I'll keep you in my thoughts and hope your current house sells. You may want to rent at the new location for a year (the average lease) to give your house time to sell.


PeaNut 116,261
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Posted: 2/15/2013 2:13:56 PM
I'm sorry. (((hugs))) I am praying.


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PeaNut 110,589
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Posted: 2/15/2013 2:17:28 PM
Another way to think of it - 9 months out, 9 months down. Your hormones are still working on you from having a baby. The move situation on top of things is making it more crazy.

Ask yourself, what is the worst thing that can happen if so-and-so doesn't get done today? Squeaking by at times is OK. The only standards you need to live up to are your own.

Breath, smile and hug that baby. Everything will be OK.


PeaNut 438,682
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Posted: 2/15/2013 2:24:42 PM
That is a lot of new & stressful events in a short time. Prayers said.

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PeaNut 41,352
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Posted: 2/15/2013 2:30:07 PM
I'm so sorry you are feeling this way!!
I'm sending you a hug and prayer!

I'm going through the same thing, so I completely understand. We are gearing up for an international move. My husband has been out of the country for 8 months now. (He's come home 5 times for 10 days at a time.)

It is ROUGH moving. Changing jobs. Thinking about selling your home. Fixing up your home to sell. Keeping it clean. The financial implications. (We will probably lose money.)
And then just going about daily life.

Plus for you add in a new baby... girlfriend, you have CRAZY stress going on. Try to nap when your baby does. Try to keep eating healthy.
Each day keeps marching on and eventually you WILL be on the backside of this.

You can do it!!


PeaNut 39,261
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Posted: 2/15/2013 2:32:26 PM
Thank you all so much. And yes I think my hormones are still a little wacky from having DS so that isn't helping

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PeaNut 138,098
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Posted: 2/15/2013 2:41:11 PM
We're anticipating a move in the very near future (don't know when, don't know where...that's the way the Army works sometimes). I completely understand your stress. Sending you many positive thoughts. I hope everything comes together for you and your family.

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PeaNut 60,761
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Posted: 2/15/2013 2:49:48 PM
I feel for ya. We moved from CA to DE when DS was four months old so DH could go to grad school. At least we didn't have a house to sell on top of it. The stress was unreal.

We are gearing up for another move this spring. We just got word we(DH) need to be there the first week of June. We thought we had until late July. I'm freaking out a little bit about selling the house and finishing my semester and getting the kids stuff wrapped up.

You can do it. Deep breaths.


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PeaNut 4,985
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Posted: 2/15/2013 3:01:39 PM
Will lift you up in prayer. You have a lot on your plate! I hope everything works out for you.

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PeaNut 39,261
May 2002
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Loc: Nashville. Yay!!!

Posted: 2/15/2013 3:35:25 PM
Everyone, thank you! You're amazing. We've already received a bit of good news that has lightened my burden a little since I posted this. Incredible! I'm going to run with it and hope the trend continues. I can feel the power of the peas!!!

Nicole, hugs & prayers to you, too! So, so hard having your DH gone like that. I feel for you! We are also losing money on the house no matter what it sells for, so that is just a barrel of fun, huh?

Trezmom, good luck! I hope it's your easiest move yet.

Peal, good luck to you as well!

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PeaNut 18,741
July 2001
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Posted: 2/15/2013 3:42:34 PM
{{{{ hugs }}}}

Is there any way to squeeze in some help? Someone who could keep the baby while you try to sleep at other times? Or maybe some short term counseling? Counseling doesn't have to be a years-long process. Sometimes just a few sessions to help you get over "the hump" of a big issue that's current in your life is all you need. Something that will simply give you the tools to cope with the stress.

In the end, I will pray for an easy move and a great start in your new location.


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PeaNut 57,742
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Posted: 2/15/2013 4:15:14 PM
Hugs and prayers......and ask for help.

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Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 87,597
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Posted: 2/15/2013 4:15:16 PM
We did that too (1997). We moved from a city/state I loved (troy, MI)to a place 5 hrs. away (PA) hat I didn't like . My husband started a new job in the new state 3 weeks before our first child was born. I stayed in our old house with the baby for 3 months then we moved out to join my husband (we bought a house and were able to move in). So we too had new job, new baby, new house. The baby was a great distraction for me. I ended up doing very well with the move, even though I really loved my other state.

Then 4 yrs. ago we built a new big house 1 mile away. We have 3 kids at this time. I was majorly depressed as were the kids. So, after 2 yrs. we moved back (we decided not to sell our house) and have been happy ever since!

So, it was odd that the big move was easier for me than the close move.

It's all just nonsense anyway!

PeaNut 97,456
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Posted: 2/15/2013 4:23:10 PM
OMG. I would be a hot mess if I had a 10 month old and had to move house!! I remember being a sobbing mess because the dryer wouldn't work.

Packing up a house, leaving friends, family, the comfortable security of the neighborhood , yep, that would probably find me standing on the Golden Gate bridge, staring down at the water!!

You poor wee thing. Is there anyone who can help you. Anyone who can take the baby for the afternoon so you can get some sleep? I feel for you, and will send you a Universe filled with energy vibes. Hope they reach you.

Good luck.

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 211,902
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Posted: 2/15/2013 6:15:58 PM
Dear Alissa,

I've just sent you positive vibes in the form of a loving kindness meditation my friend taught me this week:

Alissa, may you be filled with loving-kindness.
May you be safe from inner and outer danger.
May you be well in body, heart and mind.
May you be at peace and completely happy.

I have recently started reciting this with someone specific in mind when I start to feel anxious about a situation or person in my life. I find it very calming.

You can do it first towards yourself, then separately for specific individuals in your life, again for the rest of the people in your life, and lastly for all humans everywhere.


PeaNut 41,763
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Posted: 2/15/2013 7:02:39 PM
Alissa, try what my husband does. Sit down and think out what the absolute worst outcome could be. If all the most horrible things you've imagined came to pass. Then think....are you all still alive? Do you have food to eat and clothing to wear? Is your child okay? Are you and DH still married? Yes? Then you'll be fine. Sometimes actually saying "What's the worst that can happen?" can really help.


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PeaNut 262,757
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Posted: 2/15/2013 7:14:19 PM
I think the way that you are feeling is a reasonable response to your situation!

I love what flanz had to say:

Alissa, may you be filled with loving-kindness.
May you be safe from inner and outer danger.
May you be well in body, heart and mind.
May you be at peace and completely happy.

It IS going to work out.

It IS.

Sleep.(I know, I know)
Love that baby.

Everything else is just a detail.

And (((Hugs))) to your DH.

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PeaNut 551,978
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Posted: 2/15/2013 7:42:14 PM
Someone once described anxiety as a shadow - always bigger than the issue that's casting it... In the moment I try to remember that and it helps, most of the time...LOL Don't add stress to your stress by trying to get rid of ALL of your anxiety... It's natural to be anxious with all you're dealing with so be gentle with yourself

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PeaNut 104,140
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Posted: 2/15/2013 9:08:19 PM
We've moved many, many times through the years, but your post reminded me of our move from Kentucky to CT in 2000, when we had 11-month old twins. DH was changing jobs, we had a house to sell, we had two babies, but for some reason, I remember being very calm over the whole thing. I just had this feeling that everything was going to work out okay. We were off on a new adventure, and even though there was some uncertainty, I felt confident that the pieces would all fall into place. They might not fall all at once, but they would fall into place.

I remember the day we left Louisville to drive to Stamford. We put our two babies into their car seats in the back of a little Honda Accord. We filled the trunk with a play yard they could sleep in, two strap on high chairs, and a suitcase or two (all that would fit). Off we went! We were on a new adventure!

It all worked out okay. We stopped along the road on the way to eat or sleep. We lived in an apartment while we got settled and figured out where we wanted to live. We spoke on the phone with our Louisville realtor who sold the house for us while we were gone (we left town pretty quickly). We didn't even need to come back for the closing. All can be done without you.

The pieces can and do fall into place. Just need to have faith and not overthink this. It's an adventure and you're all going to be happy and fine!

Hang in there.


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PeaNut 114,614
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Posted: 2/15/2013 9:10:20 PM
Anxiety is very real, and feels very suffocating when you are experiencing it.

I think if you aren't sleeping because you are so anxious, it might be time to seek professional help. You might not need medication for life, but what about something to help you get through the next little while? If you can't function, you need to find a way.
If you were so sick with a cold or other physical problem that was making your life difficult and unpleasant and negatively impacting your daily life, you would seek help for that. You should treat your mental health with the same respect and consideration you give to your physical health.

I take anti-anxiety medication and it has truly changed my life. It is such a relief to be free of that burden.

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PeaNut 226,011
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Posted: 2/15/2013 9:11:59 PM
Hon, I totally get ya! Work was crazy stressful last summer and I wasn't sleeping at all. Not a all. It was awful.

One evening, I was wrapped in a blanket on the couch crying and shuddering. DH poured me a tall glass of wine and handed me two aspirin. I drank it all down real fast and went right to sleep.

I have to add that I rarely drink, so an occasional glass is a total non-issue in my life. Sometimes it's ok to have a nice, tall glass of wine and just get some sleep. You deserve it.

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PeaNut 114,407
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Posted: 2/15/2013 9:29:49 PM
Oh honey I'm so sorry.

Make a quick list of the steps you need to take to get the move, well, moving. This may help take it off your mind.

Then ask your wonderful DH to take the baby for a night and tuck yourself in for a good nights sleep.

You deserve it.

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PeaNut 417,049
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Posted: 2/15/2013 9:36:27 PM
When I find I can't turn my mind off and start losing sleep because of too much going on, I find its because I feel out of control. I make lists. Lists for any and everything. I have a great notebook that I use and I keep it with me all the time. It seems crazy but it helps. There's something about writing it all down and knowing if I forget, it will be there in black and white reminding me.

Maybe doing something like this will help you to quantify all the moving targets you have. Just a suggestion.

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PeaNut 526,154
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Posted: 2/15/2013 9:57:39 PM
Of course! You got it!!! Peace to you.

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PeaNut 39,261
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Posted: 2/15/2013 10:20:56 PM
I love you all!!! Thanks so much.

The three of us went on a walk this evening and just getting out in the fresh air with the chance to vent to DH while DS enjoyed the ride was a nice diversion.

Then I talked to my mom on the phone while enjoying a generous glass of wine (thought of you, Penny). Now I'm going to bed with a much more relaxed mind. Think Ill sleep tonight, finally.

I'm also grateful it's the weekend.

Scoobers, I'm a list maker, too. You should see my notebook at the moment

DH and I are going to tackle as much of our must-dos this weekend as we can. Hopefully that will set me up for a less stressful week next week.

Thanks again for your lovely prayers, thoughts, advice and stories. You've helped soooooo much. I'm in much better shape than I was when I posted this afternoon!

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PeaNut 434,842
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Posted: 2/15/2013 10:25:11 PM
Sending you positive thoughts and hugs. It WILL be OK...there is no other option.

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PeaNut 221,552
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Posted: 2/16/2013 7:15:48 AM
We just did this 7 months ago--new job for hubby, moved from TX to NC with 5 animals and 3 kiddos. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Hubby was offered the job at the very end of April, and we moved and closed on the new house by June 26th. It was fast and furious but it can be done. Hugs and prayers to you.

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PeaNut 220,209
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Posted: 2/16/2013 7:43:14 AM
Big hugs for you! We are going through something similar. We have sold our house and everything is in storage right now. We are living with family until we can find a place. All of our craziness was going on 10 days before Christmas. My dh works offshore so it was just me handling everything.

Good luck and take a deep breath. It will all be over soon!

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PeaNut 1,583
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Posted: 2/16/2013 10:17:21 AM
Sending you lots of positive thoughts! I'm glad you already feel better.

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PeaNut 65,350
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Posted: 2/16/2013 12:01:55 PM
One day at a time, and sooner or later things will be less hectic and settle down. Keep some of the routines that you enjoy in your life now to ease the changes. Think about what you look forward to once you are living in your new place. Wishing you the best of luck!

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PeaNut 224,352
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Posted: 2/16/2013 12:54:53 PM
You need to get a prescription to sleep from your doctor-STAT!

You need to hire someone to care for your child at least a morning a week and have some YOU time!

You need to not beat yourself over doing it all, all the time.

MAJOR stressors impact anyone when they come one at a time. You have a new baby, new home, new town, husband at a new job and who knows what else. Give yourself a break!

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PeaNut 24,213
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Posted: 2/16/2013 9:12:08 PM
I'm sorry, I know how HORRIBLE it is when your brain can't shut off and you just can. not. sleep. !!!! ((( hugs )) and prayers!!

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PeaNut 257,022
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Posted: 2/16/2013 9:36:54 PM
Alissa, both moving and changing jobs rank among the top stressful events one can experience in life. Couple that with just having a baby 10 months ago and it is no wonder that you are struggling. Having personally gone through the moving, DH job change thing several times, I understand. Our most recent move/job change was a little over a year ago. It gets easier each time, but not much. Just keep in mind that this is only temporary and before you know it, your family will be starting the next adventure of your life in a new home, in a new area. There will be a lot of fun things to explore once you get past this phase. Try making a list of all of the positive things about this change and focus on that and not the negative stuff. Every time a negative thought comes up, push it out of your mind with a positive thought. Maybe that will help.

As far as sleep, try drinking a cup of Sleepytime tea about 30 minutes before bedtime and take a melatonin (you can buy these over the counter at any pharmacy) about 15 minutes before bedtime. They are safe and will help you relax and sleep better. They will not prevent you from waking up if your baby needs you, nor will they make you groggy. The tea has a calming effect and the melatonin will help you feel sleepy.

Sending prayers and a (((HUG))) and wishing you and your family the best in your new life.

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PeaNut 27,933
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Posted: 2/16/2013 10:10:05 PM
I'm willing to bet a lot of your stress and anxiety are ramped up by the fact that you aren't sleeping. Sleep makes such a difference! You may not even need a prescription sleeping pill. When I have troubles with insomnia, I use something OTC. Sometimes it's Unisom, sometimes it's Benedryl. Whatever turns my brain off. My husband also bought me lavender oil for my room and a box of Sleepytime tea for this last bout. All three are helping me sleep at night.

For during the day help, start making list of things that need to be done and a list of things you'd like to have done. Then make a list of all the things you usually do during the day. The last list is so you will always have tons of stuff crossed off and you will remember that no matter what happens, you are accomplishing a lot every single day.

Good luck to you! I'm glad to hear things are improving. I hope everything smooths out for you and this move is ten times easier than you think it's going to be.


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PeaNut 172,235
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Posted: 2/17/2013 2:59:50 AM
As Winnie The Pooh would say..."you're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think."

Hang in there, before too long you'll be able to look back and see that you did cope with this when you feared you might not be able to

Today, I will be colouring outside the lines.

Nicole in TX
The Peas did what we do and went insane over it

PeaNut 16,696
June 2001
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Posted: 2/17/2013 5:27:06 AM
How are you doing today, Alissa?

I have moved across the country twice, and other than fighting cancer, it was the the most stressful thing I have ever done, and that was without kids. Sometimes I was grateful I didn't have any children because I don't know what I would have done.

Hang in there, Sweetie. Take one day at a time. You might want to visit the doctor for something to help tide you over just during this rough time.


PeaNut 75,848
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Posted: 2/17/2013 6:33:42 AM
praying for you to be filled with peace about this all and that you can let things go and relax and sleep. Be sure to take time for yourself each day. Even if you just try to get a bubble bath each evening, I think it can make a big difference.

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