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Fiddlesticks
BucketHead
PeaNut 427,876
June 2009
Posts: 672
Layouts: 0
 |  Posted: 2/18/2013 6:10:20 PM
***update*** I called her (to try and avoid any weird text miscommunication) and suggested that perhaps my DD and the other flower girl could share a meal since neither of them could eat a whole meal. She said that they weren't planning on feeding the kids and figured they could just eat off our plates and snack. She said, "we are going to have a big candy buffet so they can eat that too."
So, I guess that's that. 
My DD (4) is going to be a flower girl in a wedding in a month. DH is the best man. We sent the RSVP in with our dinner choices for my DH and I but there was no "line" for my DD. I didn't think anything of it at the time. Probably my mistake there...
The bride just texted me because she lost our RSVP and needed to know our dinner choices. I texted her back with our choices and then asked if there was going to be an option for DD. The three choices are salmon, goat cheese stuffed chicken or mushroom ravioli. It is a sit down meal. Not super kid friendly but DD would eat the chicken without any problem at all.
I just got a text back saying, "You can just bring something in for her."
I am trying hard not to be irritated but it isn't working very well. It is weird for me to expect that there would have been some kind of food option for DD? I know that they are wanting her there because they have a little thing that they want the two girls to do to help introduce them at the reception. I know that there is no way she could eat a whole plate but shouldn't there be some kind of option.
I am not going to make a stink about it. It wouldn't be appropriate or helpful. I will just bring something for DD because goodness knows a hungry child (especially on a crazy day like a wedding) is a recipe for disaster. It just kind of rubs me the wrong way I guess. |
| "Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." Melody Beattie | |
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Epeanymous
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 15,108
May 2001
Posts: 2,167
Layouts: 1
 | Posted: 2/18/2013 6:12:42 PM
My daughter was a flower girl at the same age and was supplied with a meal.
I had two flower girls, and we supplied them with meals.
When you invite someone as a guest to a meal, you supply them with a meal. It is rude to invite your daughter but tell you to bring in food for her. | |
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beanbuddymom
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 370,521
April 2008
Posts: 2,704
Layouts: 0
 | Posted: 2/18/2013 6:14:56 PM
I would just share my meal and give her extra rolls as well - as expensive as wedding meals are - as a mom I'd just make do -
Eta - I do think she should do something since she's the flower girl ! Somehow I missed that when I first read that .
She is a little insensitive but that's what I'd do as a parent.
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Kerri W
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 7,171
October 2000
Posts: 7,936
Layouts: 0
Loc: Kentucky
| Posted: 2/18/2013 6:15:13 PM
It would rub me the wrong way as well. I would probably respond with something like, "no worries about special accomodations for her...she'll have the chicken." You can go to the expense of her being the flower girl, but they can't go to the expense of a meal for her? I don't think so.
Eta spelling error | |
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WiiPii
Dirty little freaks!
PeaNut 374,795
May 2008
Posts: 7,330
Layouts: 0
Loc: too far away....
| Posted: 2/18/2013 6:15:45 PM
I wonder if she was thinking that you were indicating that none of the choices were appropriate for your DD so she was sort of saying "if none of those are ok then you can just bring her something" rather then saying she wouldn't provide a meal.
I don't know....just trying to give her the benefit of the doubt on that one.  |
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Dazeepetals
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 148,015
May 2004
Posts: 2,851
Layouts: 9
Loc: Houston, TX
 | Posted: 2/18/2013 6:18:04 PM
I think she believes that the options available (3 main choices) aren't something your daughter would eat, so then suggested that you bring something in if she wouldn't eat the choices given. That's how I would read the messages back and forth. If your daughter will eat the chicken, why not just go with this option? |
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Gia LuPeaA
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 416,889
March 2009
Posts: 2,595
Layouts: 0
Loc: The right place, at the right time.
 | Posted: 2/18/2013 6:18:18 PM
I texted her back with our choices and then asked if there was going to be an option for DD.
Maybe she took that as daughter wouldn't eat any of the choices? So her option was for you to bring something she wold eat? If that's the case I would explain that your daughter will eat the chicken and can she please be included in the meal options. |
| Princess of Procrasti Nation. | |
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LisaEDesign
PeaAddict
PeaNut 439,654
September 2009
Posts: 1,105
Layouts: 210
Loc: NC
| Posted: 2/18/2013 6:18:25 PM
You should be irritated with the information you have at this point. If she is part of the wedding, she should definitely be part of the reception. If she is invited to the reception, she should be given food.
I think that you should call her and talk with her about this. Texting is not really a good way to resolve a conflict. |
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BudgetMama
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 138,670
March 2004
Posts: 2,164
Layouts: 2
Loc: Oregon
| Posted: 2/18/2013 6:18:32 PM
The bride needs to arrange with the caterer to have several simple versions of the meal available for children or guests who have a sudden allergy to something on the menu. | |
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Burning Feather
I conceived but I can't see you
PeaNut 158,336
July 2004
Posts: 36,203
Layouts: 3
Loc: Ain't no black widow serial killer going to get between me and my man
 | Posted: 2/18/2013 6:21:48 PM
I wonder if she was thinking that you were indicating that none of the choices were appropriate for your DD so she was sort of saying "if none of those are ok then you can just bring her something" rather then saying she wouldn't provide a meal.
That's what I was thinking too. If you worded it as "option for DD" then I would have interpreted that as being something different than one of those choices.
I can understand how she may not be providing a kid friendly option, but I do agree that your daughter should be at least provided a meal if is something she will eat.
My response to the bride probably would have just been that you were just checking to make sure there wasn't a smaller meal that she had planned for her and that since there isn't, your DD will be happy with the chicken.
But I'd take something just in case . . . |
Carla
 <<<<<CLICK and see what's up at our place! Updated 4/7/2012.
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Epeanymous
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 15,108
May 2001
Posts: 2,167
Layouts: 1
| Posted: 2/18/2013 6:24:44 PM
I think "she thought you wanted a special meal" would be a better explanation if there had been a line on the RSVP card for the child to pick an entree. Since there wasn't, I am guessing that is not what is going on here, but go ahead and contact her to follow up. | |
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~SuburbanMom~
Wannabe FNPea!
PeaNut 82,318
April 2003
Posts: 9,022
Layouts: 35
Loc: In my garden
 | Posted: 2/18/2013 6:28:39 PM
I would write back and say "actually she would eat the chicken just fine if there is one availabe for her " don't know, maybe that is a faux pas but it would be hard not to say it. |
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Gsquaredmom
One step closer to Pea hD
PeaNut 259,367
April 2006
Posts: 7,956
Layouts: 0
Loc: Chicago suburbs
 | Posted: 2/18/2013 6:32:34 PM
Text back: DD will be having the chicken. Thanks. |
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~SuburbanMom~
Wannabe FNPea!
PeaNut 82,318
April 2003
Posts: 9,022
Layouts: 35
Loc: In my garden
| Posted: 2/18/2013 6:34:28 PM
I also think it was a misunderstanding, I think she thinks you were asking if there was a fourthoptionfor her.... |
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Scrapalotomous
2 Headed Tasmanian Pea
PeaNut 106,860
September 2003
Posts: 6,067
Layouts: 24
Loc: The Apple Isle
| Posted: 2/18/2013 6:50:28 PM
I wonder if she was thinking that you were indicating that none of the choices were appropriate for your DD so she was sort of saying "if none of those are ok then you can just bring her something" rather then saying she wouldn't provide a meal.
I don't know....just trying to give her the benefit of the doubt on that one.
That was my immediate thought too. |
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Fiddlesticks
BucketHead
PeaNut 427,876
June 2009
Posts: 672
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 2/18/2013 7:01:06 PM
Hmm.. I hadn't thought about the way I worded it but we have spent a lot of time and DD is a pretty good eater which they know. I should have probably been a little forward or direct but I know she is super stressed and I didn't want to come off rude myself. She is not super great with kids, much more the groom's friend, so she probably didn't even think about it.
I will just plan on bringing something with and having it in hotel room. There is a cocktail hour between the ceremony and the reception that maybe DD and I can sneak up the room to give her a snack and then we can share my plate during the reception.
Thanks for the perspective. It really isn't a big deal and I am sure no one will go hungry. I was just kind of surprised. |
| "Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." Melody Beattie | |
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ukfan
PeaAddict
PeaNut 150,991
June 2004
Posts: 1,962
Layouts: 31
Loc: southeast
| Posted: 2/18/2013 7:11:04 PM
I texted her back with our choices and then asked if there was going to be an option for DD.
Maybe she took that as daughter wouldn't eat any of the choices? So her option was for you to bring something she wold eat? If that's the case I would explain that your daughter will eat the chicken and can she please be included in the meal options.
That was actually my first thought as well. More of a texting miscommunication than "no food" for your DD. |
Jennifer
"give me chocolate...or I will cut you" | |
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IleneTell
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 434,842
August 2009
Posts: 2,427
Layouts: 635
| Posted: 2/18/2013 7:13:34 PM
Cheap and tacky of them  |
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JBeans
Tampons. Not just for Xmas ornaments anymore.
PeaNut 200,953
April 2005
Posts: 8,211
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Loc: Between Diaperland and Snotsville
| Posted: 2/18/2013 7:22:58 PM
I texted her back with our choices and then asked if there was going to be an option for DD.
Maybe she took that as daughter wouldn't eat any of the choices? So her option was for you to bring something she wold eat? If that's the case I would explain that your daughter will eat the chicken and can she please be included in the meal options.
This is how I would have taken it if I were the bride. Pick a meal for your dd. |
Well Peas, I believe this thread has gone Thrusday.
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~Lauren~
Original Pea #1803
PeaNut 246,606
January 2006
Posts: 29,619
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Loc: right here...even if some don't like it. ;)
| Posted: 2/18/2013 7:29:19 PM
Give the bride the benefit of the doubt about not meaning to offend you but just not thinking.
Call her back and tell her your dd would like the chicken. I don't think she's intending to slight you. |
Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the government take care of him better take a closer look at the American Indian - Henry Ford | |
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TXDancermom
PeaFixture
PeaNut 146,748
May 2004
Posts: 3,669
Layouts: 1
| Posted: 2/18/2013 7:33:55 PM
I would be irritated. at my brother's first wedding, our kids were young (elem age) and we were asked if they would like something other than what the rest of us were getting for dinner. The bride offered to have hamburgers or something else made for the kids if they wanted. they weren't in the wedding, but it was a nice touch.
I think the bride should talk to her caterer and see if they can make a kid friendly meal, maybe the chicken without the cheese stuffing, or some other kid friendly pasta dish. If it is using some of the same ingredients shouldn't be a big deal imo, but it almost sounds like she doesn't want to pay the "per plate" fee for a 4 year old. | |
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SockMonkey
LibrariaNerd
PeaNut 56,220
November 2002
Posts: 28,780
Layouts: 184
Loc: Illinois
| Posted: 2/18/2013 7:34:57 PM
The way you worded it makes it sound like the three options provided were unacceptable.
If she'll eat the chicken, tell the bride the chicken is fine. Then you don't have to go through the hassle of bringing something.
If she won't eat any of the options, bring something she will eat.
I wouldn't expect a hall to make a special meal just for her, especially if there are only a couple small children attending.
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~Lauren~
Original Pea #1803
PeaNut 246,606
January 2006
Posts: 29,619
Layouts: 16
Loc: right here...even if some don't like it. ;)
| Posted: 2/18/2013 7:36:22 PM
I disagree with the idea that the bride needs to provide a special meal for a child. She should definitely provide a meal to the child, provided it's one of the meals she's already providing to all her guests. |
Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the government take care of him better take a closer look at the American Indian - Henry Ford | |
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Rhondito
MississiPEA
PeaNut 40,147
June 2002
Posts: 23,616
Layouts: 2
Loc: Flowood, Mississippi
| Posted: 2/18/2013 7:45:10 PM
*I* thought you meant would there be something different for your daughter. I can't see any bride having flower girls attend the reception but not provide them with food. It just doesn't make sense.
She misunderstood your question - as many of us here did. |
Rhonda
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voltagain
OklaPhoma
PeaNut 18,334
July 2001
Posts: 35,148
Layouts: 15
Loc: State of cultural confusion. Yeehaw and Aloha have collided!
 | Posted: 2/18/2013 7:55:30 PM
I hadn't thought about the way I worded it but we have spent a lot of time and DD is a pretty good eater which they know.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Knowing she is a pretty good eater they probably expected she would eat one of the three choices but you threw a monkey wrench in by asking about the options for dd as though she wouldn't eat any of the previously listed options... meaning what is the fourth option.
Why didn't you just say "I'll have x, h will have y and dd would like the z" THEN if bride said "oh we aren't providing meals for the kids" you'd be right to be in a fizz.
Instead you said "I'll have x, h will have the y and what do you have for dd? Ignoring the x,y or z as possibilities for her. So now a stressed out bride has to come up with a 4th child option she wasn't planning on. |
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Woobster
The Banana Under the Couch Pea
PeaNut 295,941
February 2007
Posts: 6,608
Layouts: 0
Loc: Somewhere over the rainbow...
 | Posted: 2/18/2013 7:57:58 PM
I think it's time to pick up the phone and call the bride. Your irritation my just be a misunderstanding.
If you don't want to do that, just text back that your DD will have the chicken.
ETA: After reading your update... All kinds of tacky! Don't invite people to your wedding (or have them be a part of the wedding party) if you don't want to fork over the money to feed them!
We had two small children in our wedding. We had kid options just for them that cost us a whopping $10/plate. | |
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Darkangel090260
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 308,882
April 2007
Posts: 2,810
Layouts: 15
| Posted: 2/18/2013 7:59:19 PM
most catering company will give a discount on children meal and help meal. Most brides do not think of it.
However if the couple did not at least give my child a basic meal we would not be attending the wedding. After putting out the money for flower girls dress and dh formal wear I would not be happy.
With your up date. I would let them know our family will not be attending. hope it is in time for you to get the money back for the formal wear and travel. |
| I have quite a few learing disabilitys that effect my spelling a grammer. I do know my grammer and spelling suck. I have been working on this problem all my adult life. | |
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IleneTell
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 434,842
August 2009
Posts: 2,427
Layouts: 635
| Posted: 2/18/2013 8:00:56 PM
***update*** I called her (to try and avoid any weird text miscommunication) and suggested that perhaps my DD and the other flower girl could share a meal since neither of them could eat a whole meal. She said that they weren't planning on feeding the kids and figured they could just eat off our plates and snack. She said, "we are going to have a big candy buffet so they can eat that too."
So, I guess that's that.
Seriously. Downgrading my original thumbs down to: |
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janet r
AncestralPea
PeaNut 22,327
October 2001
Posts: 4,074
Layouts: 17
| Posted: 2/18/2013 8:00:57 PM
I think that's wrong. She should provide a meal for your daughter because she's in the wedding.  | |
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mirabelleswalker
My president has 6-pack abs.
PeaNut 175,521
November 2004
Posts: 10,950
Layouts: 14
Loc: Here today, gone to Morocco.
| Posted: 2/18/2013 8:01:55 PM
Is it at a hotel or restaurant? Under those circumstances, I would call ahead, give them my credit card number, and ask them to serve my child an appropriate meal. Candy does not fit that bill. |
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MergeLeft
Typical Liberal
PeaNut 221,236
August 2005
Posts: 19,115
Layouts: 67
Loc: Houston
| Posted: 2/18/2013 8:02:54 PM
Ugh. Let it go. Someday when she has kids she'll realize how clueless and rude she was being. |
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Rhondito
MississiPEA
PeaNut 40,147
June 2002
Posts: 23,616
Layouts: 2
Loc: Flowood, Mississippi
| Posted: 2/18/2013 8:05:50 PM
Are you serious?!! How rude, and TACKY. I'm gobsmacked. |
Rhonda
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SDeven
Love Letters Pea
PeaNut 65,852
January 2003
Posts: 28,212
Layouts: 380
Loc: Nashville, TN!
| Posted: 2/18/2013 8:11:56 PM
Someday when she becomes a mother, she will realize what clueless nutjob bride she was... |
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Christine58
pea'rific teacher Union President
PeaNut 164,125
August 2004
Posts: 21,133
Layouts: 0
Loc: Western NY
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UpNorth Scrapper
Seriously warped and appalling
PeaNut 99,963
August 2003
Posts: 12,907
Layouts: 0
Loc: Minnesota
| Posted: 2/18/2013 8:12:47 PM
That's pretty lame on her part. I guess I'd pack a meal for my daughter. I would also make a point to hit the candy buffet hard myself. |
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**cindyupnorth**
Tony is MY hoochie!
PeaNut 3,902
April 2000
Posts: 24,277
Layouts: 9
Loc: MN
 | Posted: 2/18/2013 8:20:32 PM
Seriously?? I have never heard of such a thing??!! I assume you are forking out some money for your dh to be best man..tux, and dd's flower girl dress.and she can't even FEED your dd/?!!????
IDK, but if I was you, I and the mom of the other girl would disappear for awhile and make a run to mcDs, and when she asks where you went, make a point of telling her, you had to LEAVE to go feed your dd.
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peasful1
Needs a New Pea Title
PeaNut 44,870
August 2002
Posts: 14,176
Layouts: 1
Loc: Valley of the Sun
| Posted: 2/18/2013 8:24:09 PM
WTF? Nice friends. |
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"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself." -- Wayne Dyer
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Belia
PeaAddict
PeaNut 503,375
March 2011
Posts: 1,036
Layouts: 3
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What the what?
That is all kinds of wrong.
But I would still take the high road and just bring my own PBJ or whatever for DD.
But that is just WRONG. | |
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voltagain
OklaPhoma
PeaNut 18,334
July 2001
Posts: 35,148
Layouts: 15
Loc: State of cultural confusion. Yeehaw and Aloha have collided!
| Posted: 2/18/2013 8:25:30 PM
She is clueless!! When she is ready for two little girls to "do this thing and introduce them" but the little girls have been taken somewhere else to eat their DINNER (candy is NOT dinner) Maybe she will get a clue. |
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Free~Bird
Honorary Bearcat!
PeaNut 104,551
September 2003
Posts: 9,942
Layouts: 3
Loc: Missouri
| Posted: 2/18/2013 8:27:31 PM
I would truly bring a lunchable and ask the staff for a plate then flop it out right there. That would irritate me so much.
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BoSoxBeth
Working for SHALOM
PeaNut 44,871
August 2002
Posts: 17,104
Layouts: 8
| Posted: 2/18/2013 8:27:49 PM
I would be annoyed. If your daughter is the flower girl, surely they can give her a meal! | |
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Nightowl scrapper
Intl Assoc of Epic Length Posters - USA Chapter
PeaNut 103,889
August 2003
Posts: 24,814
Layouts: 0
Loc: Colorado
| Posted: 2/18/2013 8:30:15 PM
Someday when she becomes a mother, she will realize what clueless nutjob bride she was...
I would truly attribute this to not being a parent. I would almost bet money that the caterer told her "4 year olds? Save yourself some money and let them eat off mom's plate, they don't eat much and it's crazy to pay me $75 a plate for kids that age." I wouldn't be too hard on her - she probably thinks it's a cool thing to have a candy buffet for 4yos (heh, heh) and yes, she'll be horrified when she's a mom herself or hangs around mommies a lot someday. If she even remembers. Which she probably won't. |
"Until you put a thought into words, clearly and precisely, it is not a thought at all. It is a kind of fog rolling around inside the skull."
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Darkangel090260
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 308,882
April 2007
Posts: 2,810
Layouts: 15
| Posted: 2/18/2013 8:32:27 PM
Or if you feel like being a ass, you could have pizza deliver to the Reception. If people ask why then tell them the bride was to cheap to feed the flower girls. |
| I have quite a few learing disabilitys that effect my spelling a grammer. I do know my grammer and spelling suck. I have been working on this problem all my adult life. | |
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*Delphinium Twinkle*
I'm just a pea:)
PeaNut 163,613
August 2004
Posts: 68,329
Layouts: 236
Loc: *Sunny Southern California*
| Posted: 2/18/2013 8:32:39 PM
"Seriously?? I have never heard of such a thing??!! I assume you are forking out some money for your dh to be best man..tux, and dd's flower girl dress.and she can't even FEED your dd/?!!????
IDK, but if I was you, I and the mom of the other girl would disappear for awhile and make a run to mcDs, and when she asks where you went, make a point of telling her, you had to LEAVE to go feed your dd. "
Yep, that |
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SMayer
PeaAddict
PeaNut 432,055
July 2009
Posts: 1,517
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 2/18/2013 8:34:01 PM
Wow, your update made me  . Does she really expect you to share your meal? I'm my experience wedding meals are not that big and I don't eat much. I would stop at BK, KFC or McDonalds (or other fast food) and bring the bag into the dining room and ask the waitstaff for a plate.
Just wondering, will there be a place for her to sit? Or does she have to sit on your lap or the floor? | |
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Fiddlesticks
BucketHead
PeaNut 427,876
June 2009
Posts: 672
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 2/18/2013 8:34:47 PM
Oh, I will definitely take the high road and just bring something. It is in everybody's best interest! It will be interesting what the other mother says as she is one of the bridesmaids and a lifelong friend.
I will say it does sting since we are shelling out quite a bit to be a part of this. We didn't know how much that would really be when DH first agreed to be the best man, but that's life I guess.
But you all are right, she will realize someday when she has a kid how crazy what she is saying is. |
| "Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." Melody Beattie | |
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Scrapalotomous
2 Headed Tasmanian Pea
PeaNut 106,860
September 2003
Posts: 6,067
Layouts: 24
Loc: The Apple Isle
| Posted: 2/18/2013 8:35:22 PM
I would truly attribute this to not being a parent.
I would agree. I know I made my own fair share of dumb-arse comments and decisions that were based on ignorance before having kids. |
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cannes
Proud Pea-lice Wife!
PeaNut 41,743
July 2002
Posts: 7,703
Layouts: 3
| Posted: 2/18/2013 8:39:20 PM
I'm irritated for you! It's really rude to not feed a member of your bridal party, child or not.
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I-95
It's all just nonsense anyway!
PeaNut 97,456
July 2003
Posts: 19,574
Layouts: 0
Loc: California, NY & Orlando
| Posted: 2/18/2013 8:48:26 PM
I'm not buying the fact that just cuz she's not a mom that she gets a pass.
Most of us were brides before we were mothers, and a lot of us had little ones in the wedding party....but I haven't seen one person say they didn't order anything for the junior members of the wedding party.
We ordered kid food for the flower girls and page boys and it sounds like everyone else did too. This bride is either clueless, or cheap. Either one is bad. | |
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hilsmom
Professional Hobbyist
PeaNut 292,577
January 2007
Posts: 5,245
Layouts: 50
Loc: In the deep-fried south.
| Posted: 2/18/2013 8:50:16 PM
Tell her that of course you will provide the meal for your daughter. Just ask her to put you in touch with her caterer so you can repurpose the money for her wedding gift on a plate for your child. |
| Happiness looks good on everyone! | |
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