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Nightowl scrapper
Intl Assoc of Epic Length Posters - USA Chapter
PeaNut 103,889
August 2003
Posts: 24,760
Layouts: 0
Loc: Colorado
 |  Posted: 2/19/2013 11:05:11 PM
Clearly you need to break up with him. His answer to your ridiculous question was not what you wanted to hear "Oh, no, honey, not as long as you are in my life." You are worried about him now, even though
He has NEVER given me reason to doubt him or his feelings for me.
YOU have sowed the seed of mistrust, and I think you should just let him go and let him find someone who trusts him and will not put him in an impossible position where he is tricked into giving a statement that makes him an infidelity suspect for no reason.
And you go find someone else, build a relationship of trust, and then be smart enought to cherish what you have instead of testing his love for you like you're in high school. |
"Until you put a thought into words, clearly and precisely, it is not a thought at all. It is a kind of fog rolling around inside the skull."
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2goofy
PeaNut
PeaNut 463,272
April 2010
Posts: 66
Layouts: 0
Loc: Valley of the Sun, AZ
 | Posted: 2/20/2013 5:36:07 AM
Young or not, that was a loaded question that NEVER should have been asked. No matter what his answer would have been, you would have found fault with it.
Honest answer (yes) = your feelings were hurt and now you can't trust him
Dishonest answer (no) = he is lying and now you can't trust him
And now you've planted a seed that may or may not have already been there. If he didn't before, he will now look at his "friends" differently. Congrats.
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Simply_Lovely
PeaFixture
PeaNut 463,295
April 2010
Posts: 3,280
Layouts: 3
Loc: New York City
| Posted: 2/20/2013 8:10:33 AM
Clearly the only acceptable answer would be "Only if you died and after mourning the loss of you for 5 years I might consider it if I was drunk and lonely, but I'd be wishing she was you the whole time."  |
 
Meow! | |
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Slower Joe
Probably doesn't belong here
PeaNut 253,054
March 2006
Posts: 12,732
Layouts: 0
Loc: Cape Coral, FL
 | Posted: 2/20/2013 4:34:50 PM
Women. |
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recap.pea
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 288,074
December 2006
Posts: 2,970
Layouts: 0
 | Posted: 2/20/2013 5:28:26 PM
When you ask a loaded question like that...be prepared for the answer.
I agree with ^^THAT^^ - you should never ask a question that you are not prepared to hear the answer to. I actually admire your BF for being honest. I doesn't sound like you have anything to worry about.
Reverse the roles....suppose you had never met your BF but you knew all his friends - are there any of his friends that you would consider? It doesn't mean you would act upon it and it sounds like your BF wouldn't but he just gave you an honest answer.
Would I like that answer - NO! But it wouldn't upset me that he told me the truth. | |
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I-95
It's all just nonsense anyway!
PeaNut 97,456
July 2003
Posts: 19,528
Layouts: 0
Loc: California, NY & Orlando
| Posted: 2/20/2013 5:44:44 PM
I wouldn't consider him marriage material as long as he feels this way...but at least you know what he's thinking...and how much character he has.
In that's true she has just lowered her chances of ever getting married!!
Shoot, even Jimmy Carter admitted to 'lusting in his heart' and I don't think he's been an untrustworthy husband.
Anyway, it was a dumb question that only an immature adult would ask, at least without being prepared for an honest answer.
Personally, I think Joe summed it up best. | |
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Cinthy
PeaNut
PeaNut 508,304
May 2011
Posts: 62
Layouts: 0
 | Posted: 2/20/2013 6:59:59 PM
When you ask a loaded question like that...be prepared for the answer.
Ditto! | |
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dancerhelen2006
PeaNut
PeaNut 320,112
June 2007
Posts: 41
Layouts: 0
Loc: North Carolina
 | Posted: 2/20/2013 8:10:46 PM
You wanted to know the answer and you got it.
That being said, if I asked that question knowing I might get a similar response, then I would be bothered by it. It'd be hard not to be. | |
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mdoc
Peaing under the Radar
PeaNut 61,691
January 2003
Posts: 11,821
Layouts: 0
Loc: In the Middle
 | Posted: 2/20/2013 8:23:20 PM
I would only be upset with myself - for asking that question. | |
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Aggiemom92
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 90,200
June 2003
Posts: 2,681
Layouts: 2
| Posted: 2/20/2013 8:27:32 PM
Women.
I swear this is exactly what went through my head when I read this. |
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reality_junkie
PeaFixture
PeaNut 361,843
February 2008
Posts: 3,523
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 2/20/2013 8:29:46 PM
Thank you everyone for your responses. I know now that I shouldn't have asked and that my initial reaction of being hurt about it wasn't right. He wasn't saying he would do it now...only saying it if he was single and not specifically that specific friend.
Either way, we talked about it and it's all good.
This response though....is a little extreme..
YOU have sowed the seed of mistrust, and I think you should just let him go and let him find someone who trusts him and will not put him in an impossible position where he is tricked into giving a statement that makes him an infidelity suspect for no reason.
And you go find someone else, build a relationship of trust, and then be smart enought to cherish what you have instead of testing his love for you like you're in high school.
I totally trust him. I was just hurt by the comment and yeah my initial reaction was a smidge of doubt. But I'm not thinking he's secretly pining away for some female friend of his right now.
Lesson has been learned. LOL! |
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angelaspangela
PeaNut
PeaNut 418,383
April 2009
Posts: 144
Layouts: 2
Loc: Cape Cod
 | Posted: 2/20/2013 8:33:54 PM
This response though....is a little extreme..
YOU have sowed the seed of mistrust, and I think you should just let him go and let him find someone who trusts him and will not put him in an impossible position where he is tricked into giving a statement that makes him an infidelity suspect for no reason.
And you go find someone else, build a relationship of trust, and then be smart enought to cherish what you have instead of testing his love for you like you're in high school.
I totally trust him. I was just hurt by the comment and yeah my initial reaction was a smidge of doubt. But I'm not thinking he's secretly pining away for some female friend of his right now.
FWIW, I was telling myself the same thing when I started making a point of emphasizing the fact that I trusted my boyfriend and then I found out he was cheating on me with at least two different girls, that I know about.
So, I don't mean this in a condescending way, you might want to take a step back and just evaluate where you were coming from by asking him a question like that. Most people don't give themselves credit for how intuitive they can be when something isn't right with someone they're close with.
ETA: I dropped him like a bad habit a month after I realized I was deluding myself.  | |
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Aggiemom92
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 90,200
June 2003
Posts: 2,681
Layouts: 2
| Posted: 2/20/2013 8:56:52 PM
"It is Doubt (so often experienced initially as weakness) that changes things." | |
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