|Posted: 2/19/2013 3:42:58 PM|
We consider taking care of our child when she is sick to be part of our job as parents. Both Grandmas (visiting or preplanned babysitting) have been here when DD ended up getting sick. Neither of them went running for the hills, but we wouldn't have intentionally exposed them to illness.
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
Loc: The mitten state
|Posted: 2/19/2013 3:45:39 PM|My parents do. In fact sometimes my mom will get upset when she finds out I stayed home with dd when she's sick. She'll be all "why didn't you call me". And sometimes I do but not always.
Heck, when the H1N1 was the worry my sister and I were wondering what we'd do if our kids got sick and had to be out of school for a couple of weeks. Before we said anything to our parents they called and said that if that happened we were to bring the kids over and not worry about them. That was a bit much, but really sweet of them.
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
Loc: Wernersville, PA
|Posted: 2/19/2013 3:46:57 PM|
Like another poster, I think your husband's comment is odd.
Your dad visits weekly. Too me, that is not a "fair weather grandparent". A fair weather grandparent is one that rarely visits or bothers.
I would not go to anyone's else with sick people inside on purpose. I do not want to get sick, depending on what sickness is happening. That being said, I have watched my granddaughter when she was not feeling well because my daughter had to work. Or I would pick her up early from daycare until she was done from work. This was for a fever, if her asthma is acting up. I would not watch her if she has a stomach bug.
|Posted: 2/19/2013 3:47:25 PM|
Both of my parents worked when I was younger. My Grandpa lived less than a mile from us and we would always get shipped over there when we were sick. Also if we left school early, we would get dropped off by my mom who would settle us in and then she would go back to work.
My brother and SIL live out state and my SIL is lucky enough to work from home so it's not a big deal if my neice or nephew are sick.
|Posted: 2/19/2013 3:49:19 PM|
If we are sick..no they do not come over. They are afraid they will get sick. I don't expect them to either. Only if it was a grave illness would I think they would come.
pea long and prosper
Loc: in the middle
|Posted: 2/19/2013 3:54:30 PM|
My mum was in her fifties when my children were little. She lived only minutes away and saw them often. She absolutely came to see them, and help me when they were sick. I never asked her to, and never expected her to, it was just the way our family was. My two older kids are adults now, and have a very close relationship with their Grandma which is independent of me. They phone her and go and see her when they can.
Andrew (DS) was reminding me recently about a time grandma helped when he was sick. He was about 4 years old and had an awful ear infection and cried when he needed his ear drops. Grandma asked him if it hurt, and he said yes, but it also made loud "pop!pop!pop!" noises in his ear that he didn't like. She told him to pretend that the medicine had little soldiers that were shooting all the germs in his ear so he could get better. I remember him lying there as I put the ear drops in, wincing at first and then smiling up at his grandma saying, "I think the soldiers are winning grandma. They're shooting LOTS of germs!"
My children and I have been incredibly blessed in our lives to have my mum. I have tried to be as good a parent as she, and aim to be the same kind of grandma.
I am sorry for people who feel like they wish their parents helped them more, and I wish I could share my mum with them.
Not all those who wander are lost. ~J.R.R. Tolkien
When does football season start?
|Posted: 2/19/2013 4:11:30 PM|
My mom used to babysit my son from age 8 weeks to age 4. There were. Few times he was sick that she hd to watch him plus my sister & her 3 kids all live there too.
People not perfection
Loc: Right where I should be
|Posted: 2/19/2013 4:15:31 PM|
If we are sick they stay away and I am in total agreement that we don't want to expose them.
|Posted: 2/19/2013 4:17:53 PM|
My parents are 70 and 81 and live nearby. No way would I purposely expose them to an illness. They do occasionally watch my healthy kids (or, a few of them at a time) if they have an early release from school or something like that, but if my kids are sick, my husband or I take care of them.
My mother in particular is a very devoted grandparent. I think it is really unreasonable to expect a grandparent to care for sick kids.
Loc: Over the Hill and Enjoying the View
|Posted: 2/19/2013 4:29:24 PM|
I am deeply in love with my 2 children, their spouses, and all 3 Grands. However, I am not yet 60, have a full life and do not feel that my children are "entitled" to my time nor should I be "expected" to do something in order to be judged "a good grandparent."
That being said, we have the Grands for regular sleepovers and call the kids regularly if we haven't otherwise heard from them. We always work out holidays and do not complain if they are with the other side of their families. If they ask us to babysit in advance, and we have nothing on our schedule, we try to help as much as possible. But, again, we don't feel we should be the first on the list of babysitters just because we're grandparents. Our DD lives 5 hours away and DS lives 1 hour away.
Loc: At the intersection of Hooterville and Stars Hollow
|Posted: 2/19/2013 4:31:43 PM|
My mother would not expose herself unnecessarily - nor would I expect her to.
Loc: The South
|Posted: 2/19/2013 4:48:07 PM|
Both sets of g'parents are local and they generally do not come over when the kids are sick. They have kept them so we could work if it was a situation where the fever had been gone for several hours, but not quite the 24 hours required by school. They have also come and picked up the kids when DH had to work and I had the stomach bug. I wouldn't want them to expose themselves unnecessarily, but they have and do offer to help when we need an extra hand.
My mom has also picked up the kids from school when they started running fevers during the day (I'm a teacher and it is difficult for me to leave.) She has also taken DS to the dr. once when strep was suspected and confirmed.
Wife, Mommy, and First Grade Teacher
"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are."
Loc: New Hampshire
|Posted: 2/19/2013 4:50:54 PM|
Some days I wonder if parents, particularly young parents, know
how to manage without the direct hands on involvement of grandparents.
I see it here. I choose to be a SAHM/WAHM by choice. People tell me they don't know how we do it financially without both of us working FT.
The only reason they can do it is that grandparents babysit for free, take the child to the sports practices, games, doctor's appointments etc.
And it's almost expected of grandparent's in this small town. This afternoon school pick up only 2 of the 20 or so folks standing in the alcove where parents, all the rest were grandparents. My parents raised me and I would never expect them to help raise my kids.
This. It applies to many families I know too. And I have come to figure out this is why they can manage having 3, 4, 5 children. The grandparents are there all of the time. I guess it works for them. Most of the ones I know though are in their 30's/early 40's.
Original Pea #1803
Loc: right here...even if some don't like it. ;)
|Posted: 2/19/2013 5:07:05 PM|
When she lived here in town, I would often go over when Jackie was sick. As my own boss, I could be more flexible about my schedule than her parents could be. I spent many pleasant hours nursing my baby girl.
Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the government take care of him better take a closer look at the American Indian - Henry Ford
|Posted: 2/19/2013 5:27:06 PM|
It sounds like your dad is the only one amongst all the grandparents to see your kids regularly. How unfair is it, then, to let your husband call him a "fairweather" grampa when he actually sounds like the most involved grandparent???
I work with sick elderly people everyday. There is no way in the world I would want my kids exposing an elderly parent to the latest round of bugs when they are so vulnerable, even if they are in general good health.
Bring me that horizon!
Loc: The final frontier
|Posted: 2/19/2013 5:36:11 PM|My mom sometimes has occasionally helped when I was really sick but I've never expected my parents to help when the kids are sick. When my kids have gotten sick while in their care, we always come home to get them. My parents are relatively young, still work full time and have tons of obligations that would be missed if they got sick helping to take care of my sick kids. DH's father lives 600 miles away and his mom, while a loving grandma, is not a caretaking kind of person.
"Surrounded by thugs."
Loc: SW Chicago suburbs
|Posted: 2/19/2013 5:43:53 PM|
I would never allow elderly family members to come over if there was illness in the house. Actually- I don't allow people here, period. Who can afford to be sick?
I guess the exception would be if every single one of us was so horribly sick we couldn't manage. In that case, I'd let my sister drive one of the kids to the dr.- but I'd shoot them out the front door, as opposed to her coming inside. Luckily, that hasn't happened.
Miss Lerins Momma
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
|Posted: 2/19/2013 6:19:36 PM|
I've got my DH's parents and my mom who live in town. My Grandma is still living, as are his Grandparents, but they are all in their middle 80's so are completely out of the question, for several reasons, including the transmission of germs of the little ones for the variety of their health conditions.
My mom fortunately works part-time and lives a block away. My FIL is retired and my MIL works part-time as well. I've got to share with my BIL and SIL who have 2 kids (one in school and one daycare aged).
Of our kids, my oldest is healthy as a horse. She has missed a handful of days of school and is currently in third grade. My youngest DD is in kindergarten and has yet to miss a day at school. Back when they were each in daycare, they had their share of illnesses and I was fortunate to have help from everyone for sick days beyond being off one day.
DH is often job foreman and can't leave. If he does, there may be a number of apprentices working under him that can't be there on there own.
Flash forward to adding the twins to the mix. The prematurity thing I am sure has added to the amount they've been sick. Add to that, the sheer number of appointments they've had, especially when they were younger: paediatrician, physiotherapist, feeding specialist, urologist, allergist, speech therapist, NP, to name a few. One of their specialists is a 7 hour drive or short plane trip away. To say I've missed a lot of work since returning to work after their birth is an understatement.
Fortunately, my mom and inlaws are happy to help us out and recognize I can't miss a ridiculous amount of work. They've always offered, but in that mix, if it happens to be my FIL, I will generally have him do the fever/cold duty and skip the nasty GI stuff. I've never expected it from any of them and am so very appreciative that they can help.
|Posted: 2/19/2013 6:33:09 PM|
Both of my DD's families have a stomach bug going through the house. I'm avoiding both houses if st all possible. If I'm needed to care for the family for some reason, I'd be there in a heart beat and take my chances with getting the bug.
I don't see a reason to come for a visit if they are sick, but will always be there if they need help.
Granny's Score: Boys 5 ~ Girls 2
And yes, with my background, my opinion is worth more than that of a middle school teacher who can't get her facts straight.~ Batya
Loc: Washington State
|Posted: 2/19/2013 6:43:57 PM|
It wouldn't even occur to me to call my parents to come take care of my kids if they were sick. And I would not want them stopping by to visit either.
~ Dori ~
I'm NOT a sack sniffer!
Loc: SE Washington
|Posted: 2/19/2013 7:47:22 PM|
My parents/inlaws live far from us, and don't come over as it is, but I would never expect them to come over when the kids were sick. I wouldn't want the kids to pass it to them. Of course, it seems like whenever I go to visit my mom, we end up getting sick while we're there. Even then, she's pretty much hands off, but would go to get us medicine or whatever if we needed.
Mom to Kyrie(11), Isaiah(9), and Jayden(6)
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
|Posted: 2/19/2013 10:47:50 PM|
No, and I wouldn't expect/want/ask them to for colds/flus/small surgeries.(am a single mom of 4, well just 3 at home now). Now if I had a major surgery or was hospitalized and needed someone stay with the kid, sure they would come and help. A major emergency or circumstance yes, But in general, no, I'm their mom and have been caring for them for years and can do it.
Eta- my parents really prefer to avoid us when we are sick - as they should, but usually if I'm the one really sick they will offer to drop off dinner or take the kids overnight so I can rest. But honestly, that's rare because I've only had them do that for major surgeries and one really awful flu.
And in general my parents are great and very helpful. They watch them 1 night while I'm at school and help with pick up and drop offs for practices etc when I have multiple events in one day.
|Child of God, follower of Jesus, and so thankful for His presence in my life <><|
|Posted: 2/19/2013 10:56:27 PM|
My first choice is always to stay home with sick children, but sometimes it doesn't work out. My parents and in-laws have stepped in and watched the children if one is sick. I don't recall any of them becoming ill from watching my children. I would certainly respect their wished if they stayed away, or said no.
|Posted: 2/19/2013 11:07:36 PM|
If I NEED some back up, my mom and FIL would of course come. But for the flu, cold, whatever, nah.... I wouldn't expect them to either. FIL has one kidney so exposure to some things can be dangerous for him.
My mom is more than willing to come when I have surgery to help. FIL will come if we ask him to. He's fairly useless as far as care goes, but he can entertain the kids like nobody's business and he's great at figuring out what to feed us which can be priceless! MIL on the other hand, has never, ever, ever once offered or accepted a request to help even when it was blatantly obvious we could use the help (child in the hospital the other one at home.) I realize that it is her life and her prerogative but she makes that hard in her own special way.
|Posted: 2/20/2013 3:03:53 AM|
Then I'm a fair-weather grandparent too.
DD had a stomach bug last week and asked if I could take her boys. I replied that if it were any other illness I would, but I hate getting a stomach flu more than anything in the world and I wasn't risking that they were contagious with it. I just stayed away.
I remember many times taking care of my little kids while sick. Somehow you live through it.
|Posted: 2/20/2013 5:40:46 AM|my MIL will always come if i have to go to work and one of the kids is sick. my mom stays away. far away and until the "storm" has passed (MIL lives 15 mins away, my mom lives 40 mins away).
HOWEVER, MIL will also come to my house when sick as a dog. a horrible cold just ripped thru my house because she came 3-4 wks ago and was terribly ill. i asked why she came, she sounds terrible and she said "i know you need to go to work". i went to work that day but between DH and i, were able to cover the next two days so she could stay home. and yes, *i* ended up missing two days of work when i was lucky enough to get it next. and each of my boys missed a day of school too.
i wish there was a bit of common sense...sniffles are one thing but full blown fever, chills, hacking cough? or at least don't shares drinks and kiss my kids too!
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
Loc: Between MoTown and the Glass City
|Posted: 2/20/2013 6:12:39 AM|
My mom was in her early sixties when my DS was small. She would come right over whether I wanted her to or not. But as she got older, I would urge her to stay away. But by that time I was a SAHM. Good friends of ours babysit their great-grandchildren. (He is 70 y.o.). He contracted that nasty stomach flu from them a few weeks ago. He almost had to be hospitalized. And he is in remarkably great shape for his age, IMO. So I would not be upset if my 70 y.o. parent/in-law decided to stay away.
|Posted: 2/20/2013 6:18:10 AM|
Your dh is being unfair.
My mom would come in a heartbeat if I called, but her husband has Parkinson's disease and is vulnerable - I'd feel awful if she brought something home to him.
|Posted: 2/20/2013 6:35:36 AM|
I would say he is a smart man at his age even in good health the flu can be deadly. More people should stay home and away from those who are sick for everybody's benefit.
With that said my Mom would have sat with my daughter when she was sick without question, my Dad although a great guy not so much. My husbands parents could care less if they ever saw her so that is a whole other topic.
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
|Posted: 2/20/2013 6:42:13 AM|
Our parents/inlaws live 3-5 hrs. away. But no, we wouldn't ask them to come if the kids were sick (even if they lived 5 minutes away). I would never expect them to expose themselves to germs as I wouldn't ask my friends to either. Especially an older person, who could pick up things more easily than a younger person.
He comes to visit once a week, that is a lot. He sounds like a wonderful grandparent and I would never make him feel guilty or call him a "fairweather" grandparent for not visiting. I can't believe your husband said that. Maybe he was joking.
Making the WWW better, one post at a time.
Loc: up on my high horse
|Posted: 2/20/2013 7:09:32 AM|
Growing up, we always lived in the same apt bldg as my paternal grandparents. If my parents were working, my grandmother took care of me when I was sick. Never thought anything of it.
About 10 years ago, DD was a toddler and had a terrible stomach virus. My father was visiting and caught what she had. He was always very hands on with the kids. He got pretty sick. I've always been more careful since then and didn't needlessly expose them. But I didn't think to keep them away. Of course they weren't elderly grandparents and even now are just in their upper 60s.
But to call him a fair weather grandparent b/c of it? Your DH sounds like he is out of touch with reality. It's the only grandparent who is actually present on a regular basis.
ETA: they did always offer to run to the supermarket or pharmacy if I needed something and was housebound with a sick child or to stay with a baby while I ran to the doctor with one or whatever. I didn't like to ask for help, though. It was only if they offered.
|OK. Newbie. This is how it works. If your post consists of 80% sanity, 10% stupidity and 10% all kinds of crazy, we immediately focus on the 20% b/c it discredits the 80%.
|Posted: 2/20/2013 7:47:00 AM|
I think age is a factor. If I was a 20 something mom and my mom was in her 40s then her coming to help may be normal. I am however a 40 something mom and my dad was in his 80s when he was alive, and my MIL is almost 70, so when my kids are sick they stay away for their own health and welfare.
So I think age and relative health of the parents/grandparents is also a consideration in addition to willingness to help or aversion to sickness.
I have to say I am quite jealous of my older sisters who had their kids in their 20s and my mom and dad were still alive then and in their 40s so my mom was able to help out, and my sister now helps her daughter with her kids when they are sick (sister is late 50s, daughter late 20s).
I don't think it is appropriate to label your dad as a fair weather grandparent at all - he is 70 and there is no reason he should be exposed to child sickness, at his age it could actually be fatal in some cases for people of that age to get flu, stomach or respiratory problems and the complications that can come along with them. You keep your dad's health in mind.
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
|Posted: 2/20/2013 8:00:11 AM|
Neither my parents nor my in laws live close enough to come help when needed, but I am sure my mom would not come over if anyone was sick unless I was very sick myself and couldn't function. I don't remember any of my grandparents coming over to help when we were sick growing up.
I have a neighbor whose mom comes over for any little problem. Sometimes Im jealous that she gets help when needed but other times I think I would feel like my mom thought I was incompetent if she came over for some of the things she posts about on Facebook.
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
|Posted: 2/20/2013 10:39:25 AM|
I didn't go to my mom's for Thanksgiving because I had a cold. As she's gotten older she's become obsessed/crazy about germs.
FIL has been back in our town for almost three years. I wouldn't ask him or his wife to help if we had a stomach bug (my kids are older) but they were very kind and helped out when I had a couple of surgeries and hospitalizations a short period of time a few years ago.
I know my MIL would have helped if she had lived here then. She just moved back this past fall after living several states away for 20 years.
|Posted: 2/20/2013 4:53:03 PM|
Not only do they not come over and help, they don't help anytime, ever, period.
Both sets of my kid's grandparents are useless.
Laugh often...love much
|Posted: 2/20/2013 4:55:41 PM|
We choose not to ask GP's if kids are sick unless it is an extreme emergency. I hate to get them sick. They are in their 70's and I know it takes a toll on them to get better sometimes.