Lazy Adult children living with parents...

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Posted 2/19/2013 by icedpea in NSBR Board
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peapermint
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Posted: 2/19/2013 5:59:48 PM
My DH's parents have had several of their adult children living with them at any given time, well into their 30s. They are in the Los Angeles area (San Fernando Valley) and it just made financial sense, plus it's kind of a cultural thing, I think (they're Native American -- Indian -- in a Mexican-American community).

Currently, DH's brother, who is 50 or so, lives with the parents, as he has for at least 20 years or so, but in this case it's flipped -- the parents sold him their house and he is kind of keeping an eye on them now that they're in their 80s.

It's interesting to me, the cultural thing. DH's parents had 7 kids and they've had several of their kids and grandkids living in their 1000-sf house at any given time -- maybe as many as 12 people; sometimes friends of the grandkids have lived there. They finally added on a third bedroom and a second bathroom. That was for their DS who had mental health issues, and then he was able to move out and their daughter moved in when she was dying of cancer.

I don't think any of them were lazy. They have always had jobs and stuff.

Miss Lerins Momma
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Posted: 2/19/2013 6:02:50 PM
I know someone living at home with her parents, who is 33-34, already has 2 kids and is having a 3rd. No disability, she works everyday, and the dad gets the 2 kids every other weekend. No judgement towards them or her, she's not lazy by any means, just never found a great guy, and it works out well for all of them.








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Posted: 2/19/2013 6:06:24 PM
My husband moved back in with his parents when he was 26 or so.

His military service was over and he needed flexibility while he re-entered civilian life. Then he stayed on there until his first marriage.

Clearly, not there because he was lazy and shiftless. Now, I moved out ASAP. There's nothing my mother could have done to make me stay any longer. His parents made a welcoming home and invited him back and it was comfortable and supportive. Well done all around. I wish I had the money I spent on rent just my first year out, but then I always say, the resultant therapy would have eaten the profits.


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myboysnme
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Posted: 2/19/2013 6:14:57 PM
Personally I like to see a return to multigenerational homes. I hate that we have pressure to get out of our family homes. I had to leave my mom's home at age 18 and I didn't have clue about life.

My brother is 51 today and he lives with my mom. He helps her take care of her husband who has dementia. My DH lived with his mom until he moved in with me when he was 29. His grandmother also lived with them, and for a time so did his sister and his niece.

My boys are 21 and 19. My 21 year old moved out for about 6 months but couldn't afford it, so I welcomed him to come home. It's OK with me. I like being able to help my kids out, and maybe they will help me out when I need it. Maybe not; it's OK either way. But I like the idea of multiple generations living together.


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Posted: 2/19/2013 6:15:03 PM
We've told our boys they have 6 months at home after getting their graduate degrees and that is it, they have to flap those baby bird wings and fly to a new life that isn't with mom and dad under the same roof.



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StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 2/19/2013 6:46:30 PM
I'm 35 and I live with my parents. I am a single parent. My father is retired and he puts ds on and off the school bus. Will I live here forever? Probably not. I'm saving money for a down payment on a house and will likely move when ds gets into middle school (he's 9).

I work a full time job, pay rent, etc. My rent payments have permitted my parents to be able to remodel their kitchen, put in a pool and re-do all of their landscaping. It works for us for now.


---Jen---

BuckeyeSandy
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Posted: 2/19/2013 6:48:57 PM
Previous generations of my family, unless you were married, in school somewhere, serving in the military, or in a religious order... adult children lived at home. Granted, most of these were farm families too.

Right now we have DD (26) and DGD; DD is getting her self together and hopes to be interviewing before too long. If she does pay us rent, (Shhh) it's just going to go into a savings account for the two of them!

She's getting antsy and prefers to be the mistress of her own "house" not the daughter any more.

Hoping the child custody stuff is settled soon (right now it's getting money to pay the lawyer and filing fees).



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Posted: 2/19/2013 6:49:02 PM

I also see another difference is that "back in my day" we were all keen to leave home so we didn't have to live under our parents' thumbs and abide by their rules that we felt cramped our style. Today's parents seldom seem to have those same rules, so why leave?



...But, WE are today's parents......

When I was a teenager my oldest brother moved back home. He was a firefighter and worked 24 hrs on, 24 off, and it was great having him there. I think he stayed for 2 or 3 years and both mom and I were sad when he got married and moved out.

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Posted: 2/19/2013 6:54:09 PM
Is this ANOTHER friends kid??!!

I think there is alot of cultures that have multigenerational homes. Where I live there is a huge Native American population, and this is very common. They all take care of ea other. Why do we insist on booting our kids out if they still need our help? or why is THIS the measure of accomplishment, or they are considered lazy if they live at home?






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Posted: 2/19/2013 7:02:14 PM
I think sometimes if we just worried about what went on under our own roof the world would be a better place.

ilovecookies
PeaFixture

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Posted: 2/19/2013 7:06:28 PM

Kids seem lazy and unmotivated to me these days.


What makes you think this? Are your kids lazy and unmotivated?

irishscrappermom8
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Posted: 2/19/2013 7:28:18 PM
One of my dear friends still has her 32 y.o. DD living with her. She got a degree (in history) moved back home. Took her three years to finally go out and find a job as a hostess in a restaurant. Friend got transferred to another state and her DD quit her job and moved with her. Finally after a little over a year of being there she got a job with her mom's help. Fingers crossed she'll succeed in training although I don't think she'll ever move out of her parents apartment.

Friend has enabled her DD and I think her DD is probably borderline agoraphobic. And afraid of the whole world.




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StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 2/19/2013 7:28:49 PM
I worked with a woman in her 50's who lived with her mom and 30-something sister. She paid nothing and was even saying how awesome it was that she had a bedroom and a craft room so no need to ever move out. She was not there to aid an ailing parent as her mom and stepdad were both able to take care of themselves.

obliolait
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Posted: 2/19/2013 8:05:10 PM
nothing like a bunch of fat cows judging other people's lifestyles

scrappysurfer
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Posted: 2/19/2013 8:30:30 PM
I knew a family friend who lived with her mother after her divorce, so from her early to mid thirties until about her 60s. She had a good job and a nice car, but did not contribute to anything - her mother cooked, cleaned, did laundry, basically enabled the daughter to live there rent-free until the day her mother died. She never had a reason to move out, and lived in the house until she died as well.

I don't understand it. I moved out as soon as I graduated from high school, and although I never lived very far away, I have never been back. My brother has been in and out of my mother's home over the years when he needed a place to get back on his feet. He never paid rent but did cook and do chores. Thankfully it's been about 10 years since he's had to live with her.

My mother-in-law would like for us (me, DH, and my two boys) to move in with her when FIL passes away.. she does not want to live alone, and figures that since we're getting that house when she passes we may as well live there to keep her company


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icedpea
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Posted: 2/19/2013 8:31:17 PM
Sorry to those that still live at home. Just a topic of conversation.

angievp
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Posted: 2/19/2013 8:41:52 PM

Sorry to those that still live at home. Just a topic of conversation.


It doesn't seem to be "just a topic of conversation" when the title of your thread is "lazy" adult children living with parents.

Whatevs!

BarreP
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Posted: 2/19/2013 8:42:40 PM
My BFF and her sister, late 30's and mid 40's have lived at home (one or the other or both) forever. Their mother died of a serious illness, so during college years they stayed home to help their mom when she was sick , then were with their father during the difficult time after his wife's death. My BFF moved out and actually bought a condo but now has a child and is moving back to the house to give the baby more room to play. Her sister and BIL live downstairs and BFF and the baby will be upstairs (they are converting the house to 2 units) and their father has decided to move out! Both BFF and her sister work but not in careers, more like part-time/ temporary jobs. I think they would have probably liked to have their own places long term but financially it isn't feasible, so this is the next best thing. I worry about my BFF and her financial stability so I'm relieved that she has this option.

*Scrapper*
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Posted: 2/19/2013 9:00:22 PM
I don't think kids who live at home with their parents are all lazy. Many of them are very hard working, trying to put themselves through school or they got out of school with a ton of debt and had to accept a job that didn't pay them enough to get a place to live plus pay back their loans. I have a lot of compassion for the young adults who find themselves in these circumstances.

That being said, I can share one story:

There's an elderly lady that my dad knows. His friend was checking on her from time to time to be sure that she was OK. His friend asked him (my dad) to start checking in on this lady because he's now banned from the house. Here's why:

The elderly woman has her precious 50 something year old son living with her. The son sits on the couch all day long. The reason Dad's friend was checking on this woman was because she has a lot of needs--needs that the son could totally meet but he doesn't because frankly, he spends a lot of time getting drunk and sitting on the couch.

Dad's friend didn't comment on the situation, just continued to check in with her to be sure she was OK.

Well, there were a bunch of break-ins in the lady's neighborhood. Dad's friend stopped by the house with a stronger deadbolt, wanting to install it. The lady told him not to worry, her wonderful, dear son would install the deadbolt. More than a month goes by and he stops by a couple of times and sees the deadbolt, still in its package, sitting there unopened. Finally, aggravated by the inaction of the son and concerned about this elderly lady's safety, he goes to her home and starts installing the deadbolt. Well, the son (who wasn't home at the time) shows up and starts yelling at Dad's friend, insisting that he is perfectly capable of installing the deadbolt.

Well, that's precisely the problem. Of course he is perfectly capable of installing the deadbolt. The trouble is that he won't do it because it would require #1, effort and #2, concern for his mother.

But the son made a big deal about it and embarrassed his mother so she banned Dad's friend from coming over to check on her anymore. He's asked my dad to do it and apprised him of the situation. Dad's not sure how he's going to deal with the situation should another situation arise where the woman clearly needs help and the son won't get off his butt to provide it.



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Mallie
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Posted: 2/19/2013 9:44:20 PM


I also see another difference is that "back in my day" we were all keen to leave home so we didn't have to live under our parents' thumbs and abide by their rules that we felt cramped our style. Today's parents seldom seem to have those same rules, so why leave?


----
...But, WE are today's parents......


Yes, we are. We have chosen not to set the same kind of parental controls over our adult kids that our parents set over us. Those controls made us (or many of us) want to leave asap. Probably because we hated them, we did not not impose them on our adult kids. Therefore, that particular incentive to leave no longer exists.

I also think that a lot of our parents wanted us to leave asap. Who knows why... maybe for financial reasons, maybe to make us stand on our own two feet, maybe they wanted to live life without kids, maybe they never wanted kids and couldn't wait to see them go... Who knows. Although I do see parents who put their kid's belongings on the front porch on their 18th birthday, more often I see that a lot of parents today aren't so eager to push the kids out, for whatever reason.

k8smom
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Posted: 2/19/2013 9:59:00 PM
My 23 year old daughter moved back home after she graduated from college last summer. She is working full time and going to grad school full time, while saving up for a down payment on her own home. I do not charge her anything because that would defeat the purpose of her saving her money for a down payment on her own home. She is a sweet girl and I enjoy having her home, although with her schedule I see very little of her. I am a subscriber of the "hand up" vs "hand out" theory re: moving back home.

Luvnlifelady
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Posted: 2/19/2013 10:20:25 PM
My brother is turning 49 in October. He has been out for about a year at one point. Mom has been widowed for 13 years, but even at 77 (and still working part-time) is more than capable of taking care herself.

I worry about the day something happens to mom. Those two have been joined at the hip for far too long. Brother doesn't work or go to school. They travel together and everything.

The only good thing is everyone is glad that mom has someone there in case something would happen. Still, it's very weird.



benem
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Posted: 2/19/2013 10:40:15 PM
Well I moved in with my mom over 2 years ago and I am 44. I guess that makes me a terrible lazy person.

I am moving out March 1 but since my mom has a terminal liver condition I have appreciated this chance to spend time with her as an adult. If it was up to her I could live here and pay her a nominal rent as long as I want. I am sure she is unhappy about my moving but I am tired of not having my own kitchen and my own bathroom so off I go.

Judge away.


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benem
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Posted: 2/19/2013 11:38:34 PM
This has been a really interesting thread. I am pleasantly surprised to see so many peas who are not judgemental about this situation.

I am from a Polish family and it is very common in the Polish, Italian, and Greek families I know for the kids to live at home until they get married, and grandparents will move back in when widowed. My brother lived here until he was almost 30 and met his wife, he moved into her condo. One of my sisters lived here until she got engaged. I was the only one anxious to leave, and left for an internship 1 month after HS graduation.

In fact, this house was my grandparents' house and my mom moved back in here with all 4 of us in her mid 30s when she got divorced, and took care of my grandfather while working full time, and she's never left.

I know very few women who moved out of mom and dads house to make it on their own. Everyone I know moved out bc they met a man. No woman I've known ever paid rent on her own. I've always been considered odd in our crowd bc I paid rent on my own apt and then bc I also bought a condo by myself.

I would say, if you want those kids to move out its easy -- just make it a miserable situation like living here is for me. I have no space and no privacy. I have no TV and if I watch the main living room TV I never ever get to choose what to watch. I cannot use the house wifi so I take my laptop elsewhere on weekends. I can't cook in the kitchen, not even warm up some soup. The neighborhood is dangerous and I hate this part of the city. The "rules" here are that it's get house and if I don't like something I can do whatever I like when I'm not living here. I agree with that stance. My mom has set up her home for her own convenience, not mine, and that's why I have been working on getting out of here for the past year.

I'm hoping my mom can preside my other sister to move back in with her son once my room becomes available. Her loser boyfriend just walked out on her and she gates living in Missouri. I think it would be great to move her back here and my mom has no problem with her kids living here.


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BudgetMama
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Posted: 2/19/2013 11:38:45 PM
My sister is the lazy adult that kept moving back home. She's never finished college, never holds a job for long, never keeps friends. She last moved out of my parents home about 8 years ago and has been mooching off a male roommate turned sucker. I mean lonely socially inept boyfriend with money. In her entire adult life, she's rarely supported herself. She's who the op is referring to.

However, on the flip side of the coin, we now spend more for housing and food than any generation before us. Education is far more expensive and worth less. Careers are very hard to come by and even harder to keep. Young people today are not stepping into a simple path of high school - college - job - marriage - their own lives. I worry for my kids. This world and it's economy ain't what it used to be!

Scrapalotomous
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Posted: 2/19/2013 11:48:34 PM
My Uncle - now 67 - still technically lives at home. This is the same house he was born in and that his mother also grew up in.

He has never married nor, as far as we know, had a partner. He was a teacher and just always lived at home. There was never any problem with it.

He and my Dad inherited the house when my Grandmother died. My Uncle lives in it and maintains it, pays all the bills etc. Dad has left his share of the house to my brother and I when he passes. This is with the stipulation that my Uncle retain residence of this property until such time as he passes or wants it sold. We are totally OK with this of course.


Sally

505scrapper
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Posted: 2/20/2013 12:00:12 AM
I don't have a problem with an adult child still living at home. If the parents let it happen, it shouldn't be a big deal. Of course, if the person is toxic to the parents, that may be another story.

What I do have a problem with is adults who are perfectly capable of working and supporting themselves living off the system. I know a girl that I went to high school with who has no disabilities or any issues. She has two children, the youngest of which is about 14. She lives in Section 8 housing and lives off food stamps and welfare. In other words, I'm supporting her and that is what I hate most of all. I understand welfare is there and I believe it should be available, but not for someone who has lived off it for 20 some years and has made no attempt to get off of it. Those are the lazy people. If this is a person with a disability I would also not have a problem, but just being lazy is stupid.

BTW, I'm 43 and live with my parents. However, we are living in my house. They are older and have various health issues so it was easier to have them live with me rather than me being at their place all the time.

Ursula Schneider
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Posted: 2/20/2013 2:34:33 AM
To my mind, I'd an adult child still lives at home but is productive and adds to the family situation and everyone is comfortable with the arrangement then it is fine. Many cultures live this way indefinitely.

However, if it is an adult child who sits around all day or socializes while parents foot the bill it is a problem.



matleavepea
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Posted: 2/20/2013 5:55:30 AM
DH's best friend is greek and like others have mentioned, in their culture it is considered an insult to your family to move out before marriage. he was a teacher so saved his money and bought and flipped homes, while still living at home. he got married at 30 and moved out.

my bro lived with my dad or my mom most of his adult life (they are divorced). he had apartments but would lost his job and then the eviction process would start. my mom would swoop in and help him move out all his stuff. and move him in with my dad while he was on holiday! my dad ended up leaving the province to live with a women he met on-line. i'm half convinced it was to get away from my bro!

he finally moved in with his gf at 42. we were so proud.

Ashjoy
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Posted: 2/20/2013 6:30:54 AM
My adult daughter ( just turned 21) lives as home with us. And honestly I love it and will have a more difficult time without her here. She went away to school and hated it. She was paying more in dorm fees and was home every chance she had. She has a very good first job traveling teaching for a medical center. She owns her own new car, pays all her bills and helps around the house as well as taking me wherever I need to go when she is home one week a month. I am very unlucky in some ways, I had a stroke at age 34 and just recently had major surgery on my esophugus that left me with a picc line for 6 months. She was at the hospital with me all the time, learned how to care for feeding me via my picc line, gave me meds that I wasn't well enough to figure out for myself, and cleaned up copious amounts of vomit. These are things no 21 year old should have to do but she did with never a single complaint.

We have a very nice home, my husband is an excellent provider and my daughter is welcome at my home forever if I'm so blessed! And someday I hope to welcome grand children as well.


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Posted: 2/20/2013 7:58:58 AM
I have 3 female cousins who live at home. All 3 are drug addicts and alcoholics, none have a job, and although they do help out at home, they have also pilfered thousands of dollars from my uncle over the past 10 months. My aunt recently passed away from terminal bowel/liver cancer, and now my uncle is a sitting duck for his predatory children.


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Denda
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Posted: 2/20/2013 8:33:40 AM
Our 25 year old son is living with us. He got his 1st job coaching/teaching in our home town. We talked him into living with us so he could save money. I wash his clothes when I wash ours. I cook every day for me and my husband. I let our son eat too. He does wash his own dishes even though I have never told him to. I will miss him when he moves out


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Posted: 2/20/2013 9:43:33 AM
I didn't read any of the responses but wanted to chime in that *most* adult kids living with their folks are not lazy and have some sort of plan. In my experience they are students, or living in a city where it is too expensive to live in an apt or someone saving for something.

A lot of people judge right of the bat though and IMO that is sad and shows what kind of narrow thinking the people who are judging them have.


Even with the snark, trolls and spelling police you are a great group of ladies!

staciroo
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Posted: 2/20/2013 10:22:15 AM
My younger sister was 32 before she finally moved out. She had it made...my mom washed, folded and put away her clothes, made meals, cleaned. Sure, once in a while sis bought a few groceries, but that's pretty much it. My older sister got pregnant and then married her then unemployed boyfriend and they lived in my parents house for over 10 years. They REALLY had it made. They had three kids while living there and paid $200/ month rent. Again...! They didn't buy groceries or help with utilities or anything. The milk was gone...out went their hand for some money to buy more. Mom also washed and folded their clothes and made every meal...FOR TEN YEARS! Yes, my mother is a doormat, bless her heart.
I married at 20 and have lived in my own house ever since...
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Posted: 2/20/2013 10:27:12 AM

We have some family friends whose 31 year old son still lives with them. He has a job, a girlfriend, a degree... but why would he want to move out? She does his laundry, they don't charge him rent, and it's a nicer house than he would get if he moved out. I think it is ridiculous but it works for them. He has never lived on his own, it isn't a rebound.


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nlbremer
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Posted: 2/20/2013 10:43:59 AM
I moved in with my dad and step-mom for about a year after college when I was trying to find myself, sort of, and was trying to figure out my next steps. I paid rent and helped around the house, and I worked a full-time job the entire time as well (and built up a nice savings account). When I moved out, I moved several hundred miles and 4 states away and have lived independently since then. I look back now and those were some fond memories, though I wouldn't want to do it again. I'm even further from home now, but I live with my bf and have no plans of ever moving back. Now, if I had been a lazy moocher, I would have expected (and would hope) that they would have put their foot down to do all of the household chores and to get a job or else.

Annabella
Leads a Charmed Life

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July 2002
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Posted: 2/20/2013 10:50:38 AM

Personally I like to see a return to multigenerational homes. I hate that we have pressure to get out of our family homes.


ITA Now a days people are having to take care of their aging parents for various reasons and this would make living together easier.




meowgal
PeaFixture

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December 2004
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Posted: 2/20/2013 11:08:05 AM
My dad died in 2001 and I moved in with my Mom, as my relationship ended at the same time and I was moving out. She doesn't drive and doesn't live near public transportation. I work full-time, pay bills, house taxes, insurance, cook, manage her investments and all her finances, take care of the house, make all calls for needed work, etc. She is now 80 and shouldn't live alone now anyway.

This is NOT my ideal situation, but the housing market plummeted about the time I felt we should sell and get her into a retirement community and then my brother got divorced and moved in too. If the house were in my name, I'd push him OUT. HE is the laziest human being ever to walk the earth. Unemployed, sits staring at the TV all day or sleeping. A "reformed" alcoholic, he is the same drinking or not drinking...LAZY. She does laundry, but frankly, her life is sitting with him watching TV now. The only thing he does do is take her to the grocery store once a week. Maybe change a light bulb, IF ASKED 3x or more.

Friends tell me to leave and I can afford to, but the house is being left entirely to me (I've put in a lot of money, obviously...and also had some remodeling done..and before you ask, the will leaves everything to me). She begs him to get a job and of course,he doesn't. He has been there 3 years now...sitting. He is 50. No money, no work experience (lifelong bum and drinker)...deeply depressed (who wouldn't be?). AND, I'm concerned about everything if I leave. Neither one knows how to pay bills, for instance. NOT AT ALL. Never mind handling the investments, house, etc. Also, she's getting much more forgetful. At this point, at least she isn't alone all day while I'm working. Plus, I promised my Dad I'd always take care of her.

So, in answer to your question: one lazy 50 year old and one terribly over-worked 53 year old living at home with an 80 year old parent.

Send help!


Carolyn Peaing in VA

RedSquirrel
PeaNut

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Posted: 2/20/2013 11:15:17 AM
I know lots of adults who still live at home, with mutual agreement and mutual input into the financial and practical running of the house. My 41 year old brother is one. Housing is so expensive that unless he meets someone who shares the bills, there is no point in paying for two homes when one is big enough and everybody gets along.

I know of only one adult still living at home who isn't working, isn't studying, and thinks that money comes out of the hole in the wall when his father pokes a card in. He would be 24? 25? now. He's the exception rather than the rule in my experience.

icedpea
PeaAddict

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Posted: 2/20/2013 12:00:15 PM
Meowgal- you are a saint!

meowgal
PeaFixture

PeaNut 182,333
December 2004
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Posted: 2/20/2013 12:32:08 PM
More crazy than saint! LOL Thanks though.

PS: His reality check WILL COME. Mark.My.Words.


Carolyn Peaing in VA

benem
I live for the applause applause applause...

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Posted: 2/20/2013 12:43:32 PM

Unemployed, sits staring at the TV all day or sleeping. A "reformed" alcoholic, he is the same drinking or not drinking...LAZY.


He's not lazy. He's clinically depressed and needs treatment.

Damn I am glad you are not MY sister.



melanell
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

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Posted: 2/20/2013 12:50:53 PM
I think the list of "valid" reasons is miles long. What one family considers a "valid reason" may not seem so to another. It's all in what works for any given family.


Multiple generations living together used to be the norm here and still is the norm in other places. It doesn't automatically mean that anyone involved is lazy or unmotivated.

My aunts, for instance have lived in the same house their entire lives. They are 83 & 88. For as long as their parents were living, they lived with them. Once their parents were gone, they paid their siblings' portions of the home so that they could continue to live there. They both worked full time jobs their entire adult lives. They both volunteered with different organizations, belonged to clubs & groups, and were active in their church. They would probably have a hard time stifling a laugh at that idea that either of them have ever been lazy or unmotivated.

They chose not to leave home because they saw no reason to do so and because their parents saw no reason for them to do so. If it worked for them 70 odd years ago when they made that choice, why can't it work for someone today?

Personally, I am very happy living with my own family apart from my parents. But that doesn't mean that other families can't opt to all live together and reap benefits from that arrangement. And do so without being lazy.


Do some people stay home and mooch off their parents? Sure they do. But I would never assume that is the case for even the majority of adults living at home, even those without any disabilities and who have perfectly healthy parents who do not need the adult child to care for them.



Annabella
Leads a Charmed Life

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Posted: 2/20/2013 12:50:57 PM
meowgal - sorry you're having to deal with your brother like this, nice you're taking care of your mother.




melanell
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

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Posted: 2/20/2013 12:53:53 PM
I also know a young man who never moved out after his father passed away while he was college age. He never married, and I think it was a comfort to his mother that he was there. He didn't feel stifled by being there and she didn't feel imposed upon, so why not?



Seanna.
PeaFixture

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Posted: 2/20/2013 1:26:43 PM
M, I was totally with you until you said this:



He's not lazy. He's clinically depressed and needs treatment.


There is not a psychologist or psychiatrist on earth who can diagnose by Internet, and if I'm not mistaken, you are neither of those to begin with.

You may very well be right. Or you may be misinterpreting the description of a truly lazy, happy-to-do-nothing bum. They do exist, although I'm sure it's something that you can't fathom because you are neither of those things.


When I went to edit my signature, the "Edit Signature" title was spelled wrong. So that was distracting and I forgot what I wanted my new signature to be.

smilesnpeacesigns
PeaFixture

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Posted: 2/20/2013 3:14:33 PM
My Mother asked my DH and I to move in with them to take care of my Dad when he got sick my DH drove a Semi at the time and had to quit and settle for a lesser paying job since there were no local driving jobs here.

Eventually she made it out that we were living off of Dad's money and lazy good for nothing's but people didn't see inside the home.

I woke up at 6 am cooked for my Dad, and again cooked for my Mom at 10 am when she woke up then made a good meal for lunch since she and Dad did the old school big meal at noon cleaned all day prepared my Dad's meds . I also had to cook 2 separate meals at night because that is when my DH ate his big meal and my folks ate smaller meals ( sandwiches, soups, salads,)

As well as Dr. appointments, grocery shopping, hair cuts, my fathers personal care ( bathing, feet taken care of, hair and beard taken care of.)

Cleaning, lawn care on 2 acres of land, gardening in the spring and summer.

But as far as she was concerned since we didn't pay rent. ( all though we helped with bills and food ) we were lazy.

When my Dad got so sick that I could no longer take care of him she took all of his money, all of his belongings except his clothes.

Had my brother pick her up the same day we took Dad out of town to go to a specialist ( the senior care home would not transport if the resident was able bodied) and went out of state leaving us in a home that was up for sale,and empty except for our stuff.

We were served with an eviction by the Sheriff.

I was responsible for all the care that Dad's insurance didn't cover as well as any personal care items and visits to the home from Barbers,and stuff like that.

According to some though I was the one who took advantage. I am glad I got to spend that time with my Dad ( nearly 3 years ) and if was asked if I would do it all over again I would. My reputation around town and with the people who believe her lies are nothing compared to the time I got to spend with my Dad.


Even with the snark, trolls and spelling police you are a great group of ladies!

myboysnme
Living life on the left

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Posted: 2/20/2013 3:35:17 PM

Now a days people are having to take care of their aging parents for various reasons and this would make living together easier.


^this. In my Dh's family, they just did not place anyone in a nursing home because everyone lived all together and they all pitched in to take care of an aging parent, grandparent, etc.

I am completely open to the idea of someday my sons and their families living here if they want to, especially starting out. My mom can move in if she wants, although she likely never would.

I grew up away from extended family and my mom would not even consider taking in her own dad when he needed help. It made me want to have that which I didn't have. I think many times that's why we do things so differently from our parents, so that every few generations, we want what we didn't have and switch it up.

Different thing motivate different people. I do not think most people are lazy, but many times they lack direction ,get thwarted when they set out to do something, or are unmotivated and don't know how to get moving or stay moving. That's where I think a supportive family and a safe secure home is a good thing, where someone else would call it enabling.


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BudgetMama
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 2/20/2013 3:53:57 PM


He's not lazy. He's clinically depressed and needs treatment.

Damn I am glad you are not MY sister.


as the above poster pointed out, unless you're a mental health professional who has seen this person YOURSELF, you don't know that.
But, let's play devil's advocate. He's 53. He's never worked or maintained his own household. That means his sister has watched him take advantage of his parents for over 30 years. He sucks them dry and does nothing in return. How exactly SHOULD she feel after watching him make poor choices for so long. He may be depressed, and he may choose not to get treatment, but choosing to mooch off of others is not something that deserves anyone's sympathies!!!

mstubble
PeaFixture

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Posted: 2/20/2013 7:30:58 PM
Living with ones parents until you married was common where I grew up. It had nothing to do with being lazy; more old fashioned.



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