Help - Grandson admitted to psych ward ! Update at end of thread

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Posted 2/21/2013 by Quinlove in NSBR Board
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Quinlove
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Posted: 2/21/2013 10:42:09 AM
I think I am the one going crazy here ! Some of the story... as much as I know at this point. My grandson is 12 and very, unfortunately, he is one of those kids who is destined to be bullied. He is slight and just sticks out.

His father is totally absent in the home, although he is technically living there. He is a 100% narcissist. Anyway, my grandson has been bullied alot in middle school. He has a few close friends, but the majority of them pick on him. He is the one that I had mentioned before who was going to play the flute in band, which I thought was going to be a problem. It is ! Plus, the poor kid has asthma.

Something pretty bad has happend at their house or school lately, my dd will not even tell any of us what it is. Night before last, she texted my other dd and I that she was admitting dgs to psych ward ! And - I am not even on the list who is able to visit him. Just her and her pos husband and his mother and her boyfriend...

What can I do ? This is the grandchild that I am the closest to and loves me to pieces. I talk to him all the time and ask him how he is doing, and he always tells me everything is really good. I thought he was lying not to hurt me and apparently that is right. I am locked out... I am sure because of her dh because he knows that I do not like him one bit.

I am sick over what is happening to him. They have pretty much ruined this poor kid's life so far and who knows what they will be doing now. Please help with any advice.




~~ Marianne ~~


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Posted: 2/21/2013 10:48:48 AM
I sm so sorry you are in this situation. What a horrible thing to go through. (((hugs))) and positive thoughts coming you and your grandson's way.

Jillsie Pea
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Posted: 2/21/2013 10:58:56 AM
I just want to give you {{HUGS}} and hope you are able to see him soon. What a horrible thing!



Kelpea
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Posted: 2/21/2013 11:06:44 AM
First of all, I'm sorry you are experiencing this-from both your perspective and your grandson's.

I will say this with all the love (and experience) of what we went through with our then-12 year-old son last year at exactly this time: the most important person in all of this is the child. The one thing you can do is be supportive of the family's decision to place this child in the evaluation/treatment center. (BTW, only immediate family can visit the child; cousins, grandparents, etc. are not allowed. And in our case, it was one family member at a time. Try to not get your feelings hurt, although I know it's hard not to.)

Additionally, I can't stress this enough: I hope the family did research on this facility. Is it short-term? Long-term? Are the in-house social workers, psychiatrists and psychologists attentive and good with follow up? Have they recommended family counseling for everyone? Be also aware that since the child is still young, any medications that are administered after assessment and release from facility will have to be contunually assessed and changed by his psychiatrist, so follow through is imperative. I would also recommend an in-house meeting with the child's school team as well, after diagnosis is made. Finally, this will not be a "quick fix." My son was in a facility three times. A long-term facility will be our next option if need be.

Good luck; please pmail for anything. BTDT.



Pamelou
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Posted: 2/21/2013 11:09:51 AM
{{HUGS}}...makes me sad to read this. I am a grandmother too and the love we feel for our grandchildren is unlike any other. I am sorry for you and your dear grandson. I hope you and he can make contact sooner, rather than later. Positive thoughts for a good resolution are being sent your way.

MrsScrapDiva
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Posted: 2/21/2013 11:12:02 AM
What a very sad situation for you all. I don't have any advice but will pray you get some answers soon and your dgs is okay.

Quinlove
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Posted: 2/21/2013 11:15:03 AM
Thank you for replying. I can not talk to anyone other than family about this because it is so upsetting.

After dd texted us I immediately called her and that is when she told me - don't bother to come to the hospital because you are not on the list. I aksed her who was - she told me and I just hung up. I was sick over it. Probably not the best thing to do, it completely shut me out.

My son, who is the calmest and wisest in almost all situations, told me to contact the hospital but if I did, I needed a plan. What is my goal ? I am afraid they are not going to get the truth.

I was in shock and pi$$ed off the first night over it. Blaming my dd and her dh, but now I am scared to death about what could be happending to him ! With those two idiots in charge -- omg anything is possible !




~~ Marianne ~~


PSILUVU
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Posted: 2/21/2013 11:19:06 AM

They have pretty much ruined this poor kid's life.... her and her pos husband ...With those two idiots in charge


Keep up that attitude and I am sure you will never find anything out. Just maybe there is a reason you are being shut out.


Kelli


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I-95
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Posted: 2/21/2013 11:21:39 AM
First of all, I'm sorry. I don't think any parent makes that decision lightly. It is also not something one can do without corroborating evidence, in other words, a psychiatrist has to sign off on it, or the police have to transport him there. One doesn't just stroll up to a psych unit and admit their 12 year old.

Second: If, for some reason, your DD's in-laws are allowed to have contact, why don't you just ask your DD if you can too? I'm guessing you don't live close to the family, and the in-laws do? But as Kelpea said, most psych units severely restrict who has contact with the child while he's being evaluated.

Third: Reread everything Kelpea said. I would have said pretty much the exact same thing.

Again. I'm sorry. This is not what any family wants to have happen.


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Posted: 2/21/2013 11:23:32 AM
I'm so sorry. I would be worried sick if it were my grandchild. Saying a prayer for him.





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Posted: 2/21/2013 11:23:39 AM
I am sorry you have to go through this. Until he gets out of the ward I don't think there is much you can do, as a grandparent you want to protect those babies and perhaps if you are up to it you could fight for custody of the child, however that means taking your daughter to court and proving she is unfit to provide for him. Good Luck.


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ksuheather
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Posted: 2/21/2013 11:23:42 AM
I understand your worry. However, everything should be focused on you DGS right now. Egos need to be put aside.

AND if you call the hospital be aware they cannot release information to you without the parents' permission. (HIPAA)



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Quinlove
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Posted: 2/21/2013 11:24:47 AM
He is at Cooks Childrens Hospital in Fort Worth. I do think they are the best around. But - a couple of years ago, he broke both of his wrists and the do do head who set them did not do a good job. His wrists are weird looking and no one cares except me. So, there must be some doctors there who are not as good as others.

A few months ago my dd took him to talk to a counselor. He saw him twice and told him that he was not crazy, that he would be going nuts too if he lived in that enviornment. The next appt was to be with the whole family and the dad would not go... so here we are.

The xanax is not working (have it for airplane flights but this is an emergency !). I am now crying my head off...




~~ Marianne ~~


Quinlove
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Posted: 2/21/2013 11:36:42 AM
Thank you for replying and prayers. I am very sorry if I am coming across as crass. But, please believe me when I say this - the dad is the worst father in the world... but, the kind who has to have himself look good to others, a narcissist... truly and truly. The list is endless of what horrid selfish things he has done. My dd has a degree but is under his spell because he has put extreme effort into this happening.

I know all this is not important right now, my dgs is... but these are the ones who are in charge of this. It scares me to death.

I have always said that if anything ever happened to him ( I thought it would be physical, of course) I would lose it... well... what do I do ??

The hospital is 25 miles from my house. My dd and pos h live 50 miles from me. His mother, 2 miles from them. They use to live much closer to me but moved a couple of years ago and that is when all the problem started. Him moving from his friends and school. And me...




~~ Marianne ~~


crayolamamaa
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Posted: 2/21/2013 11:38:53 AM
If Texas is anything like California he will be out very soon. Try to be supportive of your dd so that she can concentrate on her son/your grandson. If they have admitted him then he was a danger to himself. He is safe right now. It will be a long road. As hard as it is, please just try to support your daughter. In the long run, you will be supporting him.

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Posted: 2/21/2013 11:40:18 AM
I'm sorry your grandson is going through this right now and I'll say a prayer for him. But you need to calm down before you piss of his parents permanently. Do you think that will HELP him if he has no place to ever go and no one to ever talk to?
He is safe right now, nothing bad is going to happen to him. He's OK.

Yes I was shaking you by your shoulders.

Now *hug*


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ksuheather
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Posted: 2/21/2013 11:42:56 AM
Marianne, I say this with much love. You need to pull yourself together. You falling apart is helping NO ONE. It is a bold statement to make that moving him away from you caused all his problems. It my have but you don't know that for certain.



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Quinlove
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Posted: 2/21/2013 11:55:28 AM
They used to live 20 miles from me instead of 50. So they were able to come and see me and visa versa more often. The kids (3 of them) were much happier in their old neighborhood. Familiar friends and a good school. They can barely afford the nice, new house and therefore, can not keep up with the others around them. My gc always look like orphans. I buy them as many clothes from JCP as I can afford.

But their dad wanted them to move to a nicer house, in a nicer neighborhood that was very, very close to his mother and where he worked. My dd works in downtown FW and has to drive I 35 40 miles a day ! It just goes on and on.... no, it is not all about me... I am not like that one bit. But - I am his grandma and the one person in the whole world that he is closest to. I do believe this.

Actually, I think I am behaving properly... no calls or anything to anyone. Yes, I am scared but no one other than y 'all know this. I came here for advice and comfort. And, thank you for that.





~~ Marianne ~~


PennyPaws
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Posted: 2/21/2013 12:07:25 PM
I'm sorry you and your family are hurting... If you are able to speak to a therapist, perhaps that would help... It is not healthy to believe that you alone could cause this to happen... It doesn't do you any good to be thinking that way, and it doesn't do your gs any good to have a grandmother who thinks that... That is a lot of pressure for a child - to have an adult see themselves as such an all encompassing factor in their life... I hope that you can get some perspective, for you and your loved ones... It sounds like he has a full plate at home, at school, and as a human being in his own right... It's clear how much you love him and wouldn't want to add to that because of misconceptions you may have...

FWIW, the doctors/staff at the facility may have also made recommendations on how many and who was allowed to be in contact with him... And as far as not knowing what happened, I think they are being very respectful of him - if he wants to share what happened with you, then he will... That is respectful and empowering for him...


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Christine58
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Posted: 2/21/2013 12:14:16 PM
You need to take a deep breath. Your focus needs to be on how you can help. Call your DD back and ask what you can do for HER. Don't focus on how you're not on the list to see him.

Ask how you can help. Are there other kids? Do they need meals?

I would bet your Dgs probably either overdosed or attempted suicide. Or he had a plan to do something.


Put your hurt feelings aside. Your Dgs is all that matters.



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Annabella
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Posted: 2/21/2013 12:20:46 PM
Quinlove - I'm sorry you're dealing with this. As kelpea said, visitation may be for immediate family only and let's start calling it a "evaluation/treatment center" instead of a psych ward. They don't have him strapped in a jacket, so don't worry! My boss' daughter went to one 2 weeks ago and I asked her about it and she said her daughter was surrounded with only other teenagers. She was there for depression.




Rhondito
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Posted: 2/21/2013 12:31:02 PM

My son, who is the calmest and wisest in almost all situations, told me to contact the hospital but if I did, I needed a plan. What is my goal ? I am afraid they are not going to get the truth.


Contact the hospital? Why? The hospital can't discuss anything with you - you aren't his parent or guardian?


Rhonda



shecallsmenana
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Posted: 2/21/2013 12:40:38 PM
If you are not on the list to contact or visit you will not be able to get any info when and if you call the hospital

I feel your pain, I have a sister and her ex that pretty much ruined their 3 kids. It is so sad when you can do nothing about it too. Your hands are tied, I tried to help my sister see what she was doing to her kids-2 out of the 3 of them have been in psych hospitals more times then I can count. But when she does not get help the kids go right back into that invironment and it was all for naught, over and over and over again. Her youngest daughter has been in counseling for 15 years and is no better then the day she started counselling. It's very maddening

My heart aches for you, but try and just relax and pray that he will get the help he needs

sugarcoated
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Posted: 2/21/2013 12:49:29 PM

I get that you are out of your mind worried, but you need to stop. Take a deep breath. Go for a walk or something.

The time for visiting was before this. You can always visit later. Right now, he is there for treatment for whatever reason.

You may not like decisions that his parents make, but they are not decisions for you to make. Get your shit together so that when you are with him you can listen to him or leave him be if he prefers, and you can just be a Grandma. Not a parent, not a medical care provider, not anyone or anything but the person who loves him. You don't need any reason or information to do that.

After this critical time has passed, reflect - especially on your words here. The fact that you think playing the flute or having asthma leads one to a psych ward speaks more about you and whatever issues you might have than it does about the child who wants to play the flute. I get what you are saying about being bullied, but you having attitudes like that can and might reflect on your DGS who will believe himself unable to cope.

But, seriously, go for a walk or something. Right now.



Cincysis
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Posted: 2/21/2013 1:15:06 PM
My dgs means the world to me. He was put in my care when he was 6 wks old. His mother had post partum issues and just brought him to me and left. I did not mind but she showed up 4 yrs later wanting him back. She did visit and did things with him during those 4 yrs. She does love him. I know this. I believe she is bipolar but will not talk to anyone about it. Now back to dgs...He has been with me now for 4.5 yrs. he was bullied in middle school until he couldnt take it anymore. for the past 1.5 yrs I have home schooled him. He is now ready to go back to school and make a go of it. He has done well in homeschooling. He is adhd and ocd. He is on medication and I do believe he would have ended up in a hospital somewhere if it were not for me stepping in. Grandparents have rights in most states. If you can afford it get a lawyer. At least get your visitation rights. Now you are probably thinking ..I don't want to piss my daughter off. Then you need to step back and let the cards fall until you can speak with him again. I am wishing you the best.

flanz
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Posted: 2/21/2013 1:17:36 PM
I am very sorry, and am sending you lots of hugs and good wishes for your entire family and esp. your dear grandson. And I'm sorry for others like Kelpea who have walked this brutally hard road as well.

You've received some great advice. As for an immediate next step for you, I really agree with

You need to take a deep breath. Your focus needs to be on how you can help. Call your DD back and ask what you can do for HER. Don't focus on how you're not on the list to see him.

Ask how you can help. Are there other kids? Do they need meals?



(((HUGS))))

enjoytotheend
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Posted: 2/21/2013 1:18:14 PM
I really get your perspective. I know how important grandparent relationships are. My grandma will always be the most important person to me until I get married (even with her dying last month). I REALLY think everyone is spot on about talking to your daughter. Do not say anything that will cause them to alienate him from you. My mom did this when she would get upset with my grandma and it was super painful for both of us. For the record my grandma was right about everything that was going on in the house and there were awful things. But instead my mom pushed my grandma away from a year which made it almost unbearable for me. So kiss up if you have to to your dd and her husband even though you don't like him. Do it for your dgs. In the end THAT will help the most. In the end he needs you in his life and that can only happen if they allow it. You have to do whatever you can to be his lifeline.

Quinlove
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Posted: 2/21/2013 1:27:15 PM
Thank you so much for the kind words. And, yes, I need to hear the harsh ones too.

You are correct, sadly so... that the time for visiting was before this, not now. I am totally in agreement with that. Unfortunately, my car is not the best in the world, or else I would be at their house much more often. So most visits are via phone or in person about once a month or so.

I know that he is in a safe and good place and that brings me some relief. The not knowing what happened to cause this is driving me crazy, but my other dd said that I probaly can't handle hearing more bad news right now if I do find out. And, she is probably right. If I hear that he tried to hurt himself or someone in his family... omg... this is just unbearable all the way around.

Thank you so much fellow Peas. I am sure you know how much your kindness means to me. Please pray for my darling grand son. He is such a bright and shining star, really he is.




~~ Marianne ~~


IPeaFreely
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Posted: 2/21/2013 1:34:54 PM
Youve obviously made your feelings known about his father. Now you are on the outside. Its called burning your bridges. You should have bitten your tongue and not said anything negative to anyone about the father. Now its too late.


And a "plan" when calling the hospital? What kind of plan? You cant MacGuyver your way into the hospital. Just start to be nice to father, be supportive and maybe you can undo some of the damage youve done.

Aggiemom92
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Posted: 2/21/2013 2:26:43 PM
OK, brutal honesty. I know that you are stressed and I totally understand. I'm so sorry that you're feeling that way. It's a helpless feeling, for sure.

However, nothing in what you've written helps me "see your side." You call the dad a narcissist, but frankly, you are the one coming off as narcissistic. For example, at least twice you mentioned, as and example of their bad parenting, that they moved far away from you. Why is that a bad thing? Maybe they moved to a 'nicer neighborhood' to have access to better schools. Maybe they moved to put some distance between themselves and you. But both times you mention it here you are focused on how far they are from YOU.

You have also in this thread called your SIL a piece of shit and your own daughter an idiot. I'd be distancing myself from you too! Based on the tone you take here, I'm not sure I'd want my kids around you, for fear of what you tell them about their parents. I know you'll say, "Oh, I NEVER talk bad about his parents around my DGS." And maybe you don't. But I bet your daughter and her son THINK you do.

I really think you need to take a step back and evaluate your own role in this situation. I agree with the others who've suggested you do your very best to support your daughter in the hopes of regaining her trust.

PEArfect
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Posted: 2/21/2013 2:34:20 PM
I'm sorry your grandson is going through this. Hopefully the therapy he gets while he's there will be helpful. Maybe this could be a positive thing for him. If the environment isn't good for him at home this gives him a little break from it.

You can't make your dd see what you think you see in your sil. She has to see it for herself. Maybe someday she will, maybe she wont. If you want to see your grandkids you're going to have to be decent to your sil for their sake.

Ask me how I know this? I have a sil that lives in GA. She and her dh are originally from OR. The only time I was around my bil was twice a year, Christmas and summer break. I could tell in that little amount of time that he was bad news. The whole family could see that he was loud, emotionally abusive, and very controlling. Fast foward 10 YEARS, they are going through a messy divorce and custody battle. It's bad, really bad BUT at least she finally sees what we saw. I hate what he's putting my niece through just to hurt my sil.


Jen


PennyPaws
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Posted: 2/21/2013 3:18:58 PM

If I hear that he tried to hurt himself or someone in his family... omg... this is just unbearable all the way around.

He is such a bright and shining star, really he is.


I'm going to sound harsh and negative, but I'm worried about the perspective you might have on this...

You are describing things in absolutes and extremes... It would be sad and worrying to find out that he had tried to cause harm - but it is not the worst possible thing... It would be worse if he had caused harm, if it was too late, if there weren't resources available to help him... This is not the worst thing and you need to stop thinking and speaking about it as if it was... You are jumping to conclusions and thinking the worst... Try to slow yourself down - you don't know that's what happened...

The same for speaking about him like he is perfect... I understand that he's perfect in your eyes, but you need to also have enough perspective to be able to see that he is not perfect - he is human... He has struggles and flaws and strengths and weaknesses... Having a more realistic appreciation for him will ease pressure he feels from your opinions of him, it will ease any conflict he might be feeling about 'grandma or parent' issues, and it will help you too... You need to see him how he really is so that you can better help him cope with situations where he is not perfect, not accepted or someone's favourite, and where he is just one of many... You can make him feel special by seeing his flaws and still being there for him...

Sometimes the best way to help someone else is by improving yourself... He's getting help and protection - perhaps this is a chance for you to make a few changes too...

I hope this comes across as caring and considerate... It is clear he means so much to you... I wish you only good things...



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Quinlove
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Posted: 2/21/2013 5:06:14 PM
Thanks again for the advice. We all know it is hard to convey exactly how a situation is without writing a book. At least it apparently is for me. As much as I love my dgs, I know he is not perfect and he knows that I love him unconditionally. With his flaws, he knows all this.

I am far from perfect, as is he and I thought he was handling the bad situation as good as he could . Obviously not. The Peas have openned my eyes to alot of different things today about this situation, and for that I am very grateful. That was my intent, to help me get through this even for today. I needed to reach out and talk to someone about this and I value y'alls opinions.

I texted my dd a couple of hours ago asking how he is and that I am concerned... no reply so far.




~~ Marianne ~~


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Posted: 2/21/2013 5:07:59 PM
I am so sorry to hear this. I think Kelpea gave you good advice.


OK. Newbie. This is how it works. If your post consists of 80% sanity, 10% stupidity and 10% all kinds of crazy, we immediately focus on the 20% b/c it discredits the 80%.




PennyPaws
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Posted: 2/21/2013 5:32:21 PM
I'm sorry you haven't heard back from dd... Sending lots of good thoughts your way... I'm impressed how open and gracious you have been hearing all the Peas thoughts, especially about a situation that is so close to your heart... Hoping the next few days brings answers and relief for you


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Posted: 2/21/2013 5:44:13 PM
they wont tell you because you can't handle more bad news?? this kid is living through this. you're an adult. if it was me I'd be finding a way to make sure everyone knows that I CAN in fact handle the news so I can better be there for him when he is discharged.



Heidi

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dreamsbedreams
PeaAddict

PeaNut 229,609
October 2005
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Posted: 2/21/2013 5:57:20 PM
Sorry for everything that is going on with you, OP. My mom and DS are very close as well, and if I had shut her out like this, she would be much more irrational than you are being at this time. Knowing how hurt my own mother would be, I really feel for you. Hopefully, your grandson gets the help he needs. (((hugs)))




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MontanaCowgirl
TaWanDa Riot!

PeaNut 298,090
February 2007
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Posted: 2/21/2013 6:03:47 PM
Marianne, saying a prayer for your DGS, hang in there, he's in a safe spot and while he's getting help, he might ask to see you. Let the doctors help him.


Stephi

"people generally see what they look for,
and hear what they listen for.

-To Kill a Mockingbird-




Quinlove
PeaAddict

PeaNut 30,457
February 2002
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Loc: Texas

Posted: 2/21/2013 6:08:07 PM
Ok... dd called here is the story...

There was a dance Friday night at the school... he was excited to go and spent most of the night in the boys bathroom crying because an 8th grade boy threatened him. Since Monday was no school, dd went on Tuesday to speak with principal and counselor. When she came home early, going to meeting instead of work, dgs asked her why she was home so early and she told him that she had gone to school and talked about him being bullied.
This not go well with dgs and he tore up his room and *went crazy*.

She said if he did not stop that she was going to take him to Cooks and he said fine... He wanted to go. Unbeknownst to me, he has tried to committ suicide twice with a belt but both times, belt either broke or something else happened. Frankly, she should have taken him instantly then when she found that out... but I am not pointing fingers during this post.

So, after some testing and talking with dgs and then dd and her husband.. the doctor said his diagnosis is

Angry
Mild psychosis
Immature
Depression
Mild dissociation with reality

He has to continue to stay there, which he likes, and extensive family counseling for starters and appropriate medication. Blood work due back tomorrow.




~~ Marianne ~~


Aggiemom92
PeaFixture

PeaNut 90,200
June 2003
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Posted: 2/21/2013 6:36:55 PM

Frankly, she should have taken him instantly then when she found that out... but I am not pointing fingers during this post.


And yet . . .

Really, I feel like you're not learning from this experience that you need to support, not judge if you want to be kept in the loop. You can say, 'Oh, I only say that here,' but the attitude is going to seep out.


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PSILUVU
StuckOnPeas

PeaNut 427,403
June 2009
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Loc: Canada's Capital

Posted: 2/21/2013 6:37:45 PM

Frankly, she should have taken him instantly then when she found that out...


You're still doing it.

Your issues aside I really hope your grandson gets the help he needs and feels better soon.


Kelli


Please ignore the typos..I do know how to spell, I DON"T know how to type



purpledaisy
Calm

PeaNut 116,261
November 2003
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Posted: 2/21/2013 6:46:36 PM
That is heartbreaking, especially the suicide attempts. I'm so sorry that he and you are going through that. He is in my prayers. (((hugs)))


Becca

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ilovecookies
PeaFixture

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Posted: 2/21/2013 6:50:53 PM

You're still doing it.

Your issues aside I really hope your grandson gets the help he needs and feels better soon.


ITA


I-95
It's all just nonsense anyway!

PeaNut 97,456
July 2003
Posts: 20,385
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Loc: California, NY & Orlando

Posted: 2/21/2013 6:50:56 PM

Really, I feel like you're not learning from this experience that you need to support, not judge if you want to be kept in the loop. You can say, 'Oh, I only say that here,' but the attitude is going to seep out.


Actually, I don't agree with you on this one. Some, maybe most people would allow that attitude to seep out, but some folks compartmentalize just fine and nobody knows what their 'real' feelings are about a situation.

Having dealt with similar situations, I can guarantee you nobody, except perhaps my DH, is privy to what I think of those involved. Not everyone wears their emotions on their sleeves. Maybe the OP thinks this is a safe place to verbalize those feelings, but wouldn't dream of expressing them to her DD, SIL, or DGS. I see Peas venting all the time, doesn't mean they turn around and say the same things to their kids, DH, or parents. It is possible....

scrap4maddie
Sometimes you harm the cause more than you help.

PeaNut 175,985
November 2004
Posts: 12,900
Layouts: 33
Loc: Buffalo NY

Posted: 2/21/2013 7:42:04 PM
Why are you making this all about you? Get a grip.


~Erica~







Quinlove
PeaAddict

PeaNut 30,457
February 2002
Posts: 1,084
Layouts: 2
Loc: Texas

Posted: 2/21/2013 7:52:31 PM
Thanks I 95. I do/did feel safe here to voice my concerns about this situation we now have. We as he is my grandson and it is hurting me to pieces to think he is in so much pain... Actually, he does not turn 12 until next month... so an 11 year old trying to committ suicide ??

This is unthinkable for me... it breaks my heart and I think that my dd or her husband should have done SOMETHING about it... but they obviously did not... I think it would be extreme bad parenting to ignore this... but - I did not voice this to my dd when she told me about it today -- I am just telling you, because I started this thread and wanted to tell you the whole story as I now know it.

I and my other two children disagree with other parts of the doctor's diagnosis... but you would really jump on me about that ! My dgs is actually too mature for his age. Perhaps socially he is immature and that is what he means by it...

This is very unsettling and we all are concerned, but will do as we are directed.




~~ Marianne ~~


tgp0014
BucketHead

PeaNut 316,482
May 2007
Posts: 776
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Loc: Fort Worth, TX

Posted: 2/21/2013 7:58:39 PM
As an adult who tried to commit suicide when I was 13 years old and could have died, I have some advice to give you.

I'm almost 30 now, so I have some perspective now, btw.

My dad did not get me help when I needed it. There are details, but I won't get into it right now. I forgave him and I have no resentment towards him.

I did eventually get help, and I am doing well now.

It does not matter what your DD and her husband have done or haven't done in the past. It doesn't matter. Forget about it.

What matters is what they are doing NOW. Yes, your SIL may be a POS. I totally get that. Completely. But your grandson is getting help that he needs.

And please take the following statement VERY seriously:

If you treat this incident as a big deal and freak out over it, you will hurt your grandson in ways that you don't even realize. The shame and guilt will cause him so much damage, especially if you two are as close as you have said.

I HATE lecturing people, truly. But this is such a critical and fragile time for him. Truthfully, no matter how much help he is getting now, your reaction could lead to another suicide attempt.

I know that is very inflammatory, but I firmly believe it. No, you wouldn't be the CAUSE, but he doesn't have the rationality to think logically. Your opinion probably means the most to him.

Just fyi.


Tiffany

back to *pea*ality
AncestralPea

PeaNut 471,633
June 2010
Posts: 4,859
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Posted: 2/21/2013 8:04:48 PM
Hopefuuly, he will ask to see you at some point and your daughter will allow the visit. Until then is there someone that can lend an ear to listen and a shoulder to lean on in real life for you?

While most here are kind and supportive there are a few who made unecessary harsh remarks. Clearly, you love you granchild. Prayers and well wishes for all of you.

Jillsie Pea
We Will Never Forget

PeaNut 226,757
October 2005
Posts: 911
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Loc: SouthPark

Posted: 2/21/2013 8:44:10 PM
I agree with Back to *pea*ality's post.

I hope your grandson gets the help he needs.


PennyPaws
StuckOnPeas

PeaNut 551,978
April 2012
Posts: 2,099
Layouts: 79
Loc: Canada

Posted: 2/21/2013 11:15:05 PM
I'm glad he's in a safe place, and that he and the family are going to be getting help...


If you treat this incident as a big deal and freak out over it, you will hurt your grandson in ways that you don't even realize. The shame and guilt will cause him so much damage, especially if you two are as close as you have said.

I HATE lecturing people, truly. But this is such a critical and fragile time for him. Truthfully, no matter how much help he is getting now, your reaction could lead to another suicide attempt.

I know that is very inflammatory, but I firmly believe it. No, you wouldn't be the CAUSE, but he doesn't have the rationality to think logically. Your opinion probably means the most to him.


Said better than I could have... Thank you for sharing that side of things...


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