What would you do if your new love interest didn't like your animals?

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Posted 2/22/2013 by DastardlyBoo in NSBR Board
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PeculiarP
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Posted: 2/23/2013 10:22:50 AM
Pjaye, that's the best pet story ever! So cute.

Someone who is not an animal lover would definitely be a deal breaker for me, I'd have to move on. If his allergies were so bad he couldn't be around dogs, I don't know that he'd even be able to get to know me that well. We have 3 plus my sister's lingerer. 2 of those plus a cat are in the house most of the time. We also have a yard full of chickens and I plan to add to our menagerie eventually. DD definitely wants a rabbit and I've been trying to talk DH into mini goats for the past 2 years. I would rather hang out with our animals than most people, so if you want to spend time with me you have be cool with them.

No offense to allergy sufferers. I don't dislike anyone for it, but someone with severe pet allergies just would not fit into my lifestyle. If you have terrible allergies, I hope you can find some way to cope or get a poodle or one of those hairless cats. Animals are wonderful and anyone who doesn't get the chance to bond with one is truly missing out on a wonderful loving experience.

DH talks to half our pets in baby voices, often you'll find a chicken in a box in my kitchen that he's nursing if one is sick, and I'm pretty sure the cat gets more kisses than I do. To me, there's nothing more heartwarming that seeing my big rough redneck hubby cuddling our little yorkie or how much he is truly concerned when one of the animals is sick or injured. Ziggy is turning 10 on 3/1 and DH has already mentioned several times in the past year that we should get another lap dog so that when he passes there will be another one here to lessen the devastation.


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Posted: 2/23/2013 10:49:33 AM
Seriously? Would not be my new love interest.

Same if he had animals that I could not abide.

It really has happened years ago with me, before the deep "in love with love" stage, but yea, there was chemistry.

There was one guy, not dating material, but fun and a co-worker (maybe why I would not "date" I never dated co-workers). But his "wild mix mutt" named Cujo, the dog and I were BBFs!

Very few people were tolerated, let alone able to pet, feed or work with her.

I was one if the few, and I enjoyed dog sitting!




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Posted: 2/23/2013 11:08:34 AM


Animals are wonderful and anyone who doesn't get the chance to bond with one is truly missing out on a wonderful loving experience.
Some people just aren't wired that way. So they're not missing out on a thing. Just like some people don't want children. Not having what you don't want doesn't create some huge hole in their lives.

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Posted: 2/23/2013 11:25:46 AM
I had 3 cats when my husband and I were dating. I agreed not to get anymore cats even though were not engaged. When we were living together, the oldest cat died (she was 18), and I still agreed not to get anymore. He said he just wasn't "a cat person"

I knew I was comitted to these 2 cats because I'm 100% confident they could not make it in life without me, especially the youngest one (he's my baby, I'm his girlfriend lol).

Everything has gone pretty well in the years since. The "baby" peed on his clothes twice (livid mad... cat is jealous of him) so they're no longer allowed in our bedroom. It has been a good compromise.

about a year and half ago, a little white stray kitten (about 6 mo old) showed up outside and I'd been feeding and taking care of him for over a year. I made an outdoor house for him for the weather, etc.

This fall my neighbor said he was putting out poison for the possums because they were making his horses sick. He warned us because he knew the little white cat (Boo Kitty fyi), would visit his house and he thought he might get into a dead possum or the bait.

Hubs came home and announced that he was a MAX 3 CAT HOUSE. Period. 3 cats. lol. So boo kitty now lives inside (he goes outside for a visit for an hour at a time).

So for the big bad bulldog that doesn't want anymore cats in his life, it was HIM that decided that boo would be an indoor cat.

He's a lot softer than he looks.


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Posted: 2/23/2013 11:37:10 AM
Then it would suck to be him!


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Posted: 2/23/2013 11:46:08 AM
I think animals are good judges of people. My brother was dating a girl who hated his cat and the feeling was mutual as far as Boo (kitty) was concerned. My brother should have listened to his cat and not his dick, because that girl took him to the cleaners.

My dh loves animals and our cat, The Dude, think my dh is his best buddy, so we are good


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Posted: 2/23/2013 11:57:16 AM
He'd be gone. My dogs bring so much light and joy into my life. I don't really "get" people who don't love them too.


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Posted: 2/23/2013 12:07:55 PM
Considering that my dog is really like a child to me, it would be a no go!


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Posted: 2/23/2013 12:28:46 PM
My now DH loves animals but is very allergic to cats. When we first met we mostly did things either out and about or at his place. He eventually built up a tolerance to them. But there was a point in our relationship when he said, "you know, I'll never ask you to marry me if you don't get rid of your cats." My immediate answer, "OKAY", let him know exactly where things stood. I'm really happy we've been together 13 years, married 6, and have two of the three cats, one passed away at the age of 21, and a 6 year old rat terrier.

crimsoncat05
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Posted: 2/23/2013 12:39:13 PM
it wouldn't last long after that. My animals (cats) were there before him, and they would have been there after.

thankfully, my BF loves dogs (we have three) and while he's not a 'cat' person, he does like the cats, too.

ETA: pjaye, that is a wonderful story!
Allergies might be a different story; that would be a much harder decision. But if it was someone who didn't like / want pets, or was cruel to them, they'd be out the door.



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Maryland
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Posted: 2/23/2013 3:31:23 PM
My husband does not like pets. He is fine if they belong to others, but does not want one for us. I always wanted a pet growing up. My kids want a dog. But to me I would pick a spouse over a pet.


elphalba
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Posted: 2/23/2013 7:59:18 PM
My husband disliked my pugs - said they weren't "real dogs" and made pretty rude comments about them when we were dating. He also dislikes cats. He is the one who walks my pugs several times a day, feeds them, gives the water, trims their nails - you get the idea and has done it pretty much since we got serious all those years ago.

My cat died four years ago and when he saw how sick he was he drove the cat to the vet in the middle of the night, stayed there until the cat was well enough to be transferred to our normal vet and then went to work on no sleep even though this cat was feral and hated him from day one.

What is that saying, "Me thinks thou protest too much.." comes to mind. Honestly its more like he loves them because I do. I doubt he'd ever go get a pug or a cat but he treats my pugs very, very well.


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Posted: 2/23/2013 8:10:40 PM
I had 2 cats when I was single (after my divorce to a fellow cat lover). I used them to figure out if someone was worth dating. I am a huge animal lover and would never get serious with anyone that didn't at least tolerate my babies. Flash forward to meeting and falling in love with my DH. Guess who takes care of them? Guess who has a cat bed on his desk - that he bought - so his "buddy" could sleep comfortable while he was on his computer? And guess who now wants a dog? Yep.


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Posted: 2/23/2013 8:12:45 PM
I can honestly say my dh doesn't LOVE my horses. He does nothing with them and is a reluctant fan in the stands at the county fair.

BUT he built me a nice big barn, and he never tells me what to do with them, so all is good.

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Posted: 2/23/2013 8:26:09 PM
I didn't read all the replies.

But, it's not so much a love me, love (my animal) situation for me.

For me, I'm always, for the most part, going to have a cat.

So, I have a cat, guy agrees to "love" my cat, but when it dies, I'm never allowed to get another, because he didn't agree to love a different one?

Cats die. Their life span is shorter than humans. I take time to grieve my loss. But, eventually, I crave the company of another cat. The relationship is not exactly the same, but I get to discover a new relationship with another beloved animal.

I would rather than insist a lover profess to love my particular animal, that he agree to accept that I am always going to want to have an animal companion, regardless if my current pet died.


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Posted: 2/23/2013 8:34:07 PM
When I met DH I was between cats (mine had just died and I wasn't ready to replace her) He was very allergic to cats so I didn't get another cat.

20 years into the marriage, kids were all grown up, and I REALLY wanted a cat, so he got me 2. He had to get allergy shots. He also said I could have cats, but he wasn't going to have anything to do with them.... yeah right...he's the biggest sucker ever when it comes to the cats. He buys them toys, cat towers, their own little beds, had them chipped in case they ever get lost....spoils them rotten! They like him best too.

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Posted: 2/23/2013 8:40:10 PM
Every guy I've had a serious relationship with has been a cat person.

I had ONE date once with a guy who kicked my cat off the couch. Hence, he didn't get a second date.

I'm now raising a boy who is a MAJOR cat lover. I hope he finds a girl someday who is as into animals as he is.

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Posted: 2/23/2013 8:46:50 PM
LOL some of the stories that were posted are funny


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Posted: 2/23/2013 8:48:15 PM
I am almost positive that would be a deal-breaker for me. I love my pets so much, I can't imagine I could feel good about someone who didn't like them.

But it's hard to say if my circumstances were different (e.g. I was lonely and the love interest had other very important qualities I was looking for). I feel for someone in that situation


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Posted: 2/23/2013 8:53:51 PM

My husband does not like pets. He is fine if they belong to others, but does not want one for us. I always wanted a pet growing up. My kids want a dog. But to me I would pick a spouse over a pet.


This is me. Sorry, I don't want a dog. I am not missing a thing in my life. I don't hate them, I just don't get fulfillment from them, and I find them a hassle to take care of. This doesn't make me some cold person. I have a cat, and enjoy her. She is not the same as my kids, however. I'm not sure what is so hard to "get" about this. I get that some people really love dogs, and get joy from that relationship. I have no interest in it. Big deal. I have plenty of loving relationships that I do find great pleasure in.

My boyfriend has a dog. When he comes up for the weekend, he brings his dog, who stays at my house too. I tolerate the dog. But I don't really care for him- I don't want to hold him, I could take him or leave him. The yard poop annoys me, but whatever, I love my BF, so I put up with it. I refuse to let him sleep in my bed with us though, although he does at my BF's house. I've told BF that if we live together I would live with this dog, because he already has him. But I don't want another dog. Ever. And guess what, BF is okay with it, we are uber-compatible in every other way, and it isn't a deal breaker for him.





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Laurel Jean
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Posted: 2/23/2013 9:04:42 PM
Probably a deal-breaker (although I never say "never" for a couple of reasons:

If I take on a pet, I strongly feel it is a committment for the life of the pet, not just acquiring a possession to keep me amused until something better comes along.

Having a pet is very important to me, and anyone who shares my life would need to take that on as well.

PaperTulip
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Posted: 2/23/2013 9:16:34 PM
My dog is my soul mate. If the person I was interested in didn't like her then they're not the person for me. Also, she's a good judge of people and the guys she hasn't liked have been very bad guys so I do listen to her now.

My partner came into this relationship not liking fish or birds, she now has 8 birds and a 3 foot fish tank

peasful1
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Posted: 2/23/2013 9:21:05 PM
I wonder what some of you would do if you ended up having a kid with allergies. Give the kid up for adoption since that wouldn't fit in with your lifestyle?


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Posted: 2/23/2013 9:28:50 PM
If he didn't like animals - he'd be gone. If he had allergies, well geez, that would be... I don't know. I'm not giving up our pets- they are part of our family - but I wouldn't want someone to be sick because of them either. Glad this is not an issue right now! Happily single with my children and pets... I guess in the future I will have to ask about allergies right away.


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Posted: 2/23/2013 9:37:07 PM

I wonder what some of you would do if you ended up having a kid with allergies. Give the kid up for adoption since that wouldn't fit in with your lifestyle?
There's always some twat who answers a question that no-one is asking.
If you want to know what people would do then, then ask, what is the point of throwing out some ridiculous statement like "would you give up your kids for adoption"
This entire thread is about pets and potential new partners, NOT pets and kids.
Stop trying to stir up drama where none exists.

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Posted: 2/23/2013 10:47:23 PM

I wonder what some of you would do if you ended up having a kid with allergies. Give the kid up for adoption since that wouldn't fit in with your lifestyle?


Oh, please. We're talking about voluntarily perusing a relationship with someone who hated our pet. Not a family member who, if was allergic.

Of course an allergic family member would be a different consideration than someone who merely "didn't like" an animal.


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Momof5Rats
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Posted: 2/23/2013 10:53:30 PM
In my situation, everyone I meet hates my choice of pets. But I don't care. I love my rats to death. I am a rat momma.
Love me, love my rats. I will not get rid of them for anything!


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Posted: 2/23/2013 10:56:08 PM

I wonder what some of you would do if you ended up having a kid with allergies. Give the kid up for adoption since that wouldn't fit in with your lifestyle?


I'll bite. To my knowledge, no one is allergic to ALL ANIMALS. If my child had allergies we would work around it. In fact, we got our yorkie when DD was about 3. When she was 7 we had her tested for allergies and low and behold she was allergic to dogs. My dog does not shed and has hair as opposed to fur, so we were lucky. He sleeps with us, not her and she took allergy meds. They didn't test for the guinea pigs we had at the time, but they didn't seem to bother her.

When she was 10 we had her retested and she had outgrown many of her allergies, most of them had been to foods, but mostly pollens and mold are what bother her now. We now also have a cat and another dog in the house. Neither bother her and she no longer takes medication other than benedryl when the mold or ragweed counts are high.

If she had severe reactions to the dog we had at the time and there was no way we could make it work to keep him, no we would not put our child up for adoption. We would have given him (the dog) to one of our many extended family members who also love him so that he would be treated well and we could see him. I would never drop a pet off at a shelter to potentially be euthanized or adopted by a crappy owner.

Then, at some point in the future I would begin exposing DD to different animals to make sure she didn't have additional sensitivities before I brought something new home. There are hypoallergenic breeds of dogs, cats without hair, potbellied pigs and many other domesticated pets that are capable of bonding and giving unconditional love. Just because you are allergic to cats doesn't mean you have to avoid all animals like the plague.

Edited for clarity.


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Posted: 2/23/2013 11:12:15 PM
MUST LOVE DOGS. lol

My husband and I were without pets going into our marriage, but we had both grown up with animals and knew that when we bought a house, a dog was a necessity.

I did not feel cats were necessary, but he wanted one. My only stipulation was that he clean the litter box.

Almost 21 years into this marriage, we have an almost 16-year-old cat and to this day, I think I have cleaned the litter box once. It's DH's job and he does it. I love the cat, feed the cat, cuddle the cat. But I don't clean the litter box.

We also had our Mollymutt, who we got just 5 months after buying our house. She died two years ago and we did not get another dog for a very long 8 months. I was so sad during the time that I did not have a dog in my house that I can say with absolute certainty a dog is essential to my happiness and overall well-being. We now have a Tedderbear.


I wonder what some of you would do if you ended up having a kid with allergies.


As for this question... This situation actually happened in my family. My nephew is very allergic to cats and dogs. The pediatrician told my sister that she either had to make their chocolate lab an outside dog or give the dog away unless my nephew was going to develop asthma.

My sister called me crying. Her heart was breaking, but she did what she had to do. She gave Maggie (who is 8-years-old and who had survived cancer a year before) to our parents. It is devastating for a person who loves animals to know that they must live without one. But you do what you have to do. Thankfully, Maggie is in a wonderful home with the people who taught me and my four siblings to love animals. My sister, her husband and their children still get to see Maggie. It's the best outcome we could have hoped for.

I feel a great deal of sympathy for people who have animal allergies. More than the physical symptoms they suffer, I feel bad for the emotional connection to animals that they must miss out on. I have felt the devastation of not having a dog. I still miss my Mollymutt, but to not have another dog would be very, very hard to bear.


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_Vanessa_
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Posted: 2/23/2013 11:53:09 PM
Well this whole thread basically makes me feel like shit. I am extremely allergic to dogs and cats. We have a guinea pig and a ferret that we love to pieces. I'm not willing to be on medication for the rest of my life to be comfortable in my own home, so I'm thankful that my husband ranks me above a dog or a cat.
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Posted: 2/24/2013 12:02:40 AM

In my situation, everyone I meet hates my choice of pets. But I don't care. I love my rats to death. I am a rat momma.


I had a pet rat as a kid and, while he ate everything and anything that he could get a hold of, I thought he was a pretty awesome pet.

I have a friend who has a number of pet rats and who also has a very unique personality (she has an offbeat style of hair and clothing, drives a bright pink and green car with 1960s decals all over, sells wigs on the internet as her main jo and a few years ago, she found love with a guy who totally gets her.

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Posted: 2/24/2013 1:11:37 AM

I wonder what some of you would do if you ended up having a kid with allergies. Give the kid up for adoption since that wouldn't fit in with your lifestyle?



Well, this is an entirely different question than the OP asked, and obviously it would depend on how severe the allergies were.

DH is allergic to cats, but he had two dogs when we got married. Our first born had respiratory problems, sleep apnea, constantly congested... turns out she was very allergic to the dogs. Fortunately a neighbor a stepped up and adopted the child.


j/k. he adopted the dogs. It was good because he lived two doors down. Being so close DH still got to spend a lot of time with them.

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Posted: 2/24/2013 6:34:30 AM
Vanessa, I didn't intend to make anyone feel like shit, and it wasn't aimed at anyone other than people who feel strongly about pet ownership.

Should I apologise for having only mild pet allergies myself? I can assure that my DH is ranked above my pets (my children are too), but all of us firmly believe that our commitment to our pets lasts for their whole life. I would not have become seriously involved with someone if it meant having to become someone I didn't want to be - that is, the kind of person who abandoned a pet.

No one should have to change who they are to be in a relationship. I wouldn't do that to myself, or to a potential partner.

As I said in my original post, what prompted the thread was seeing my new DH cuddling and talking to my old 12 1/2 year old cat. It makes me happy to see my sweet Basil so content.

Again, this thread isn't designed to make people feel bad, anymore than the Disney threads are designed to make ME feel bad, because I've never been.... kwim?



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not2peased
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Posted: 2/24/2013 7:34:23 AM
as long as they werent mean about their dislike or hounded me about getting rid of animals or how much they dislike them I wouldnt care at all.

I find the love me, love my animals "rule" to be more than a bit odd, to be honest. I love animals but people will always trump animals in my life


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Posted: 2/24/2013 7:48:44 AM
Vanessa, I agree with you about some of the comments making you feel like shit. The one that hit me was the person that said they couldn't even be friends with someone that was allergic to their pets. This comment just made me sad. I get that some people really love animals, but not even being friends with someone because of an allergy is way over the top for me.


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Posted: 2/24/2013 7:50:56 AM
It isn't about "ranking" your spouse above or below pets. The thread was about when you have a new love interest who doesn't like/get along with/tolerate your pets. No reason to feel like shit.

I'm another one who isn't happy without a dog. I don't date men who don't like dogs and I don't date men who aren't ok with how I treat my dogs (they are spoiled, they're never going to live outside, and they get all the cuddles they want ). That said, a guy doesn't have to love dogs or love my dogs like I do. He just has to put up with me loving them, and he has to be tolerant of and kind toward them.

My cat died last summer, but over the years before he died I dated a couple men who were allergic to cats. When ex-bf and I were moving in together, he wanted me to leave my cat with my parents. No go. You want me, you take allergy pills. (He actually ended up taking allergy meds for the first week we lived together and he was fine after that.)


2013 OLW: Progress

January: 5 LOs
February: 5 LOs; 5 cards

Goals for March:
-5 LOs - 2 DONE
-5 cards - 1 DONE
-keep PL caught up
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Quinlove
PeaAddict

PeaNut 30,457
February 2002
Posts: 1,084
Layouts: 2
Loc: Texas

Posted: 2/24/2013 10:52:33 AM
My xdh and I share custody of our precious furry heart (his words). I don't know who is more excited to see the other... him or her... pretty mutual... He loves her so much... but does not coddle her as I do...

Def a deal breaker for me...




~~ Marianne ~~

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