S/O Tacky Funeral Behavior

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Posted 2/25/2013 by rubberloon in NSBR Board
 

rubberloon
PeaNut

PeaNut 83,548
April 2003
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Loc: Up north

Posted: 2/25/2013 4:00:47 PM
So when do you think IS the appropriate time to approach the grieving family about purchasing something you think they will end up selling? Obviously the funeral is the worst time, but how much time should pass before it is no longer "tacky?"

I know of several instances where someone waited 6 months or longer to approach the family, only to learn that the car or tractor or house had just been sold, only to hear, "Wow, I wish I had known you were interested, I would have loved to have offered it to you first."

Thoughts?

Roxanne

jennifw
StuckOnPeas

PeaNut 122,458
January 2004
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Loc: Texas

Posted: 2/25/2013 4:18:16 PM
That's a hard one, but I can understand both sides.
If the deceased had something I was interested in, I would probably tell a "next ring down" family member like a son-in-law or aunt or something like that. I wouldn't ask the wife or the kids of the deceased, but someone who was family but not direct next-of-kin.
Does that make sense?

Something like "I am gonna miss Uncle Bob. I know this is akward but if the family decides to sell the tractor, will you let me know? I am interested"

gavinsmom
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 9,019
January 2001
Posts: 5,673
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Loc: michigan

Posted: 2/25/2013 4:22:05 PM
I think, too it depends on if the deceased suffered long term or if their demise was unexpected. I think if it is an elderly relative that has been preparing for dying, speaking to a son-in-law within the following weeks isn't too presumptuous


Nicole

redboots
BucketHead

PeaNut 399,301
November 2008
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Posted: 2/25/2013 4:23:48 PM

That's a hard one, but I can understand both sides.
If the deceased had something I was interested in, I would probably tell a "next ring down" family member like a son-in-law or aunt or something like that. I wouldn't ask the wife or the kids of the deceased, but someone who was family but not direct next-of-kin.
Does that make sense?

Something like "I am gonna miss Uncle Bob. I know this is akward but if the family decides to sell the tractor, will you let me know? I am interested"


I think this is the best way to handle such a delicate request, as well.

peachpea
PeaAddict

PeaNut 308,857
April 2007
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Loc: Louisiana

Posted: 2/25/2013 4:29:17 PM
My mom's next door neighbor asked my sister and me about selling the house to her daughter the day before the funeral standing in my mom's kitchen. We thought that quite nervy of her, but we did eventually sell to the daughter as her granddad had built the addition to it and thought she would take care of it. Looks like a pig sty now. Oh, well.

scraphop
BucketHead

PeaNut 430,489
July 2009
Posts: 519
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Loc: Arkansas

Posted: 2/25/2013 6:01:08 PM
I think it depends on your relationship with the deceased. When my uncle died unexpectedly, I asked his son about buying my uncle's business. His response was that he had wanted to ask me if I was interested but was afraid I would feel it was too soon. This was 4 days after his death. They wanted family to continue the business and I was the logical choice because I had previously worked for him and had the appropriate licensure.


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