speaking of weddings...if you had to do it all over again...would you still have a wedding?

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Posted 3/13/2013 by ADD_Housewife in NSBR Board
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PeaNut 31,018
February 2002
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Posted: 3/13/2013 8:21:08 PM
I'm not asking if you'd still get married, but rather would you prefer to have just eloped or had a much smaller event?

Even tho I'm LDS and we had a small reception after our sealing in the temple, I think I'd have rather just had the family there and had the ceremony and be done with it all.

For my kids, I'm half tempted to offer them "start up money" in lieu of having to do a wedding. It just seems like so much work/cost/stress


PeaNut 41,763
July 2002
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Loc: Somewhere in the middle...

Posted: 3/13/2013 8:29:47 PM
I would absolutely do it again. There was nothing like standing at the aisle of the church, holding my dad's arm and looking out and seeing nearly every person I love in my life smiling at me. We had about 200 people, but we didn't go overboard with the reception. Just had appetizers, no sit down dinner, no band. I got to visit with everyone of our old friends and all of our family. It was an amazing day, rather old fashioned. So many people smiling and having a good time.

Ten months later my mother died of lung cancer. I was so glad we had that wonderful day together. She loved it. She wasn't diagnosed until 3 months later. We've been married almost 24 years and some of those lovely friends have passed away since then. I love looking back at the photos from that day.

I have never been the "it must be perfect" kind of girl. I found a lovely dress. I tried on 4 dresses and found one I loved. I wasn't trying to wow anyone. I wanted pretty flowers, but not budget-busting flowers. The hotel provided a lovely buffet of food, but it wasn't the most expensive. I don't think I was a bridezilla at all and there was no drama attached to our wedding.



PeaNut 275,594
September 2006
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Posted: 3/13/2013 8:30:02 PM
If we could do over again I would absolutely elope! My parents did offer me an option that if I chose to elope they would gift us the equivalent of the wedding cost. I declined because I wanted the wedding. It was a few years before I told DH that we had been given a choice.

Boy was I nuts!! I hope & pray that if my DSs get married it will be a relaxing beach (or ???) wedding without a huge expense, lower stress, etc.


PeaNut 518,010
August 2011
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Posted: 3/13/2013 8:31:16 PM
Yes, I would definitely have a wedding. I enjoyed the planning, dress shopping, etc. We had a great reception with a DJ and fun was had by all.

People not perfection

PeaNut 35,457
April 2002
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Posted: 3/13/2013 8:32:07 PM
I am glad we had our wedding. We did it on a budget. I wouldn't offer start up money. If my kids decide they don't want the wedding and reception or the reception than they can make that choice but I would't offer them the cash instead. I would give them a wedding gift.

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PeaNut 90,665
June 2003
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Loc: Wherever my little mind takes me

Posted: 3/13/2013 8:32:23 PM
I had a small, but elegant wedding and I would absolutely do it, again. Planning my wedding was one of the happiest times of my life. My wedding planner was fantastic and our day was literally perfect,even down to the weather. The one thing I am never afraid to brag about is my wedding, but that is due to having a great wedding planner, lots of energy and the universe giving us a beautiful day.


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PeaNut 54,403
November 2002
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Posted: 3/13/2013 8:33:29 PM
I've never been married, but have never had the dream of a big wedding.

If I do ever get married it will be a very small, informal, potluck in the park type of event (I know, the epitamy of tacky by Pea standards!!!).

froggy one

PeaNut 479,242
August 2010
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Posted: 3/13/2013 8:35:10 PM
Well we did elope. My dad wouldn't give me a wedding. I preferred it this way. Oldest son got married in the courthouse because her family couldn't help and it has worked for them. My other son is getting married in May and is having the works. I am getting excited.


Living life on the left

PeaNut 69,081
February 2003
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Posted: 3/13/2013 8:37:45 PM
I would do pretty much what I did; maybe a bit smaller.
In my first marriage we went to a JP then we went to Las Vegas a month later and had a small chapel ceremony with only family.

So for my second marriage I had a bigger wedding; it was a first marriage for my spouse and he had alot of local friends and family that we invited; we had about 75 guests. I would probably have fewer guests but I already had a pretty low budget wedding so I can't say what I could have cut. I think having about 50 guests or less would have been better so we could have really visited with our guests.

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PeaNut 511,446
June 2011
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Posted: 3/13/2013 8:37:48 PM
No. What a waste of money. My mom took care of all the arrangements for my wedding because I didn't really care about that stuff much. She should have been talking me out of it instead.
Lasted a year and a half, I left and married dh at the jop.

To each their own...the wedding is important for some people, but not me...I was never one of those little girls who dreamed about their wedding day.

I just wanted to be happily married (which I am now); didn't need all that hoopla, would have rather spent the money on a memorable honeymoon vacation.

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 31,617
March 2002
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Posted: 3/13/2013 8:38:22 PM
I wouldn't change a thing about my wedding; small by today's standards at just 80 or so people. It was very traditional and we both had a blast.

Marilyn (now in New Mexico!!)
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PeaNut 64,257
January 2003
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Posted: 3/13/2013 8:39:46 PM
There are definitely things I would have done differently, but for the most part I am happy with what we did.

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PeaNut 82,319
April 2003
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Posted: 3/13/2013 8:50:18 PM
Nope! We would have done a small destination wedding and gotten married on the beach like we wanted to. No drama, and simple to plan, unlike my giant Catholic wedding. Don't get me wrong, I loved my wedding and got everything I wanted and it went off without a hitch. But our first choice was to get married on a beach somewhere. And it for sure would have eliminated a lot of drama from certain family members.

Happy now?

PeaNut 156,993
July 2004
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Loc: Connecticut

Posted: 3/13/2013 9:00:53 PM
Had a great time. Wouldn't do anything at all differently.

Happy now?

PeaNut 156,993
July 2004
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Loc: Connecticut

Posted: 3/13/2013 9:01:15 PM
Had a great time. Wouldn't do anything at all differently.

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 218,176
August 2005
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Posted: 3/13/2013 9:03:51 PM
I would do the wedding we had again. Small, 70 people. Evening candlelit reception at 7 pm. Trio of musicians played while we had photos done close enough for guests to watch and pop into some pictures. Then a champagne toast and cake. DJ for the dance til midnight. Lots of fun, not lots of stuffiness or expense....

Squillen's Best Bud

PeaNut 297,159
February 2007
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Posted: 3/13/2013 9:05:20 PM
Absolutely. It was a wonderful day. I remember it like it was yesterday, and in October, it will be 30 years for us!

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PeaNut 52,841
October 2002
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Posted: 3/13/2013 9:10:29 PM
I would still have the wedding that I had but it was done very much on a budget. We paid for it ourselves. We only invited those that were our friends and family. If we didn't know them and it was someone we had contact with, we didn't invite them. Good friends who are some of the best cooks I have ever known, volunteered to handle all of my food as a wedding gift. My mother made beautiful wedding cakes and she made the cake. I made my dress, boutineers, corsages, etc. I had one attendant and she wore the dress that I wore in her wedding. We had a lot of fun and we didn't spend a lot of money.

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PeaNut 144,412
April 2004
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Posted: 3/13/2013 9:14:02 PM
should have eloped!

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 471,001
June 2010
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Posted: 3/13/2013 9:19:07 PM
I did not have a wedding and I have never once regretted it.

I don't understand them, don't believe in them, and generally won't even attend them.

I hope my children don't want to have weddings.

sunny 5

PeaNut 472,024
June 2010
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Posted: 3/13/2013 9:25:46 PM
I had a "homemade" wedding. and would do it all again. it was casual and nice...we had a simple ceremony in the church...I made my dress and my dh was never so handsome as standing there in his morning jacket.

our reception (more for dh's side) had a dj, cold cuts, and fruit my mom got straight from the farmers. we stayed and helped to clean up.

it was fun and not over the top. my dh is a non-believer, but he went along. our minister was happy to help us.

sunny 5

PeaNut 472,024
June 2010
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Posted: 3/13/2013 9:25:57 PM
I had a "homemade" wedding. and would do it all again. it was casual and nice...we had a simple ceremony in the church...I made my dress and my dh was never so handsome as standing there in his morning jacket.

our reception (more for dh's side) had a dj, cold cuts, and fruit my mom got straight from the farmers. we stayed and helped to clean up.

it was fun and not over the top. my dh is a non-believer, but he went along. our minister was happy to help us.


PeaNut 438,682
September 2009
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Posted: 3/13/2013 9:38:46 PM
I would absolutely have our wedding again. I'd change a few details, but I love a good wedding!

boring + nerdy

PeaNut 52,817
October 2002
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Loc: Oregon

Posted: 3/13/2013 9:43:18 PM
Absolutely. We'd still have the whole big shindig. It was a wonderful celebration and a great way to start our 14-years-and-counting marriage.


PeaNut 183,117
January 2005
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Loc: Middle of the USA

Posted: 3/13/2013 9:54:08 PM
We eloped to Las Vegas after trying to plan a wedding and family stuff getting in the way for many years.

I loved that it was just DH and I and we would do it again the very same way. We also saved our money and put it down on a house instead of a big wedding.


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PeaNut 49,249
September 2002
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Loc: Husker Nation

Posted: 3/13/2013 9:56:03 PM
We eloped. We still had a wedding because I had the dress, and we had made purchases. If I had to do it all over again, I would skip the wedding, and we would have just had a reception after we eloped.


Lost and Found in Pea-land

PeaNut 138,098
March 2004
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Loc: NC but wishing I was somewhere else

Posted: 3/13/2013 9:57:58 PM
I would definitely do it over. Our wedding was more about pleasing my parents and doing it their way (for cultural reasons). If I could do it again, I would rather have a small destination wedding with a couple of witnesses.

Thrift Ninja

PeaNut 226,011
October 2005
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Loc: Rite Aid

Posted: 3/13/2013 10:01:04 PM
I only wish we would have had longer to plan. I think 6-8 months would be ideal and we only had 4.

But it was great. Perfect. Just what we wanted.

I work in "planning" and "management" as a career (I'm a project manager), so planning a wedding was just an extension of what I do every day. It wasn't any more difficult than what I do 40 hours a week. Easier and more fun actually.

I *AM* one of those girls who planned her wedding all her life, so I knew just what I wanted and almost everything went really smoothly because of that.


PeaNut 370,566
April 2008
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Loc: Minnesota

Posted: 3/13/2013 10:03:00 PM
Knowing what I know now, we would have trashed everything and just had our immediate families. My Mom was very sick, suffering from anxiety because of her meds, and actually walked out during my wedding ceremony. Being around that many people was just too much for her.

She was fine Friday night during the grooms supper, and for a second I honestly thought we should have made it official that night and skipped the big ceremony the next day.

Looking back there is a lot I would have changed to make it more personal. There were a lot of issues with my wedding from calling me the wrong name, insulting half the church to name a few.

Oh well, things have worked out since then and that is what really matters.


PeaNut 498,237
February 2011
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Loc: SW

Posted: 3/13/2013 10:04:21 PM
Elope or small wedding as we discussed. We discussed only telling the Pastor and inviting our families for a "dinner" only to surprise them with a wedding. Once we told it took a life of it's own. I so regret that. It is a nightmare rather than a memory.


PeaNut 280,758
October 2006
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Loc: Way out West

Posted: 3/13/2013 10:04:36 PM
YES! I married for the first time at 45, and it was the best party that I have ever had! I loved planning and doing it on a budget. Found my dress for $100 and my mom completed reworked the dress. Washed it, mended the loose pearls, and hand-turned every sequin to face up. Made 200 invites with about 12 different pieces of paper, it was soooo much fun, but I was glad when I was done. Friends from various times in our family's journey provided services from our wedding cake, the flowers, and catering. A friend from college (20+ years) prior was our videographer. I would do it all the very same!

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PeaNut 65,852
January 2003
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Loc: Nashville, TN!

Posted: 3/13/2013 10:13:41 PM
We got married at 19. We had a big church wedding. That was 21 years ago. We were too young to have developed a personal style--we did what was common in our circle of friends. Lots of cheesiness on a shoestring budget.

I have given it alot of thought over the years and I wish we had waited a couple of years and gotten married privately on a beach.


PeaNut 154,784
June 2004
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Loc: Texas

Posted: 3/13/2013 10:17:14 PM
I would have still had a wedding, but done so much of it so much differently.

I had a list of things typed out, but deleted it. Simpler to say that I would have put my foot down that I was the bride, not my mother.

Cute Girls Pea

PeaNut 89,634
June 2003
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Loc: Seattle-ish

Posted: 3/13/2013 10:23:38 PM
I had a small wedding but if I could do it over I'd elope or have an even smaller wedding. I don't like attention and its hard to get away from that when you are the bride!

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PeaNut 281,551
October 2006
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Posted: 3/13/2013 10:30:33 PM
I got married in lake tahoe and had a smallish reception at home the next month. I don't regret any of it!

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PeaNut 570,639
October 2012
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Posted: 3/13/2013 10:39:35 PM
I'm LDS and was married in the temple. I came as close to eloping as you can get in that situation. I didn't have a reception. Just a lunch with close friends and family. My dad did offer money in lieu of the reception and we took it (it was a very small amount by 2 peas standards).

If I had to do it again, I would have eloped. I wouldn't have bothered with a traditional wedding dress.

I never cared about being the center of attention for the day. I don't care about getting dressed up, getting my hair done and make up done and all of that wedding planning. That is very boring to me.

I would offer my kids cash instead, but would NOT push them to go one way or the other.

'Cause I'm as free as a bird now

PeaNut 104,551
September 2003
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Loc: Missouri

Posted: 3/13/2013 10:41:19 PM
I would go back to plan A. My husband and I on a beach with a preacher. That's it.


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Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 9,321
January 2001
Posts: 9,572
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Loc: all up in your business

Posted: 3/13/2013 10:47:47 PM
I'm kind of the opposite -- we had a very small wedding, a couple of dozen people, $80 dress, handmade invites, $500 spent altogether, in a state park with a friend officiating. It was lovely, but later I kind of wished I'd at least had my hair and makeup done or something.

We'd already been living together for 10 years, so I wonder if I subconsciously felt like I didn't "deserve" all the pageantry or something. Also, we didn't have a lot of money and were in a hurry to get married because DH's sister was dying and she wanted to be there.


PeaNut 421,228
April 2009
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Loc: Appalachia

Posted: 3/13/2013 10:49:29 PM
I wouldn't do it again. We had a small church ceremony and reception. Family made the food and I did all the decorations myself, so we only spent 2 or 3,000. We had no honeymoon because we had just started new jobs and didn't have the $ or vacation time. This was before digital photography and our photos were horrible. It was totally not worth the stress and expense.

What I would do now: Take the 3 days we used and go to the beach for a private ceremony with simpler attire and have a few nice photos taken. A nice relaxing weekend alone with some good photos to remember it by would have been so much better.


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PeaNut 109,127
September 2003
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Loc: Colorado

Posted: 3/13/2013 11:11:08 PM
There were a couple of things that I would change and while I lament the money spent, the memories are forever and the money would be long gone by now.

We did ours for $10,000-$15,000

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PeaNut 182,623
December 2004
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Loc: USA

Posted: 3/13/2013 11:25:31 PM
Yes I would! I'd have hired a videographer though. I don't have any good video of the actual ceremony.

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 452,048
January 2010
Posts: 6,190
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Loc: Indiana

Posted: 3/13/2013 11:32:54 PM
If I had to do it over again I would get married on a beach in front of close relatives and friends.

We paid for our wedding and looking back I would have rather used that money toward a down payment on our first home. Instead we ended up renting a dump for a year before we had our first home built.

We are going to offer our girls money to help with a down payment on their first home instead of paying for a wedding. Either way, it's their decision.



PeaNut 191,815
February 2005
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Loc: Moorpark, CA

Posted: 3/13/2013 11:44:25 PM
I had a BIG wedding (500 guests!), and I have no regrets.

My parents did offer to give us money in lieu of a wedding and I turned them down. I'm satisfied with where we are in life right now and we have never struggled financially. So I don't feel that turning down the money has at all affected us. Besides, I loved all of the details of wedding planning and would do it again in a heartbeat. I'm sure there are some aspects of the wedding that I would do different, but not having a wedding at all would not be one of them.

Even though the wedding was large, it was still quite reasonable in terms of cost. This is because I'm a bargain hunter and found really good deals on just about everything, or I figured out more economical ways of achieving a desired result. We're approaching our 20th anniversary (in June), which has me thinking renewing our vows or throwing a big anniversary party when we hit our 25th. I love a good party, and I think 25 years of marriage is definitely worth celebrating and buying a killer dress for- LOl!


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Just content to be ME pea...

PeaNut 44,329
August 2002
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Loc: 8 miles from Galveston Bay

Posted: 3/14/2013 12:25:20 AM
I'd have the wedding we wanted, not the one we were expected to have.


Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 497,090
January 2011
Posts: 7,223
Layouts: 1

Posted: 3/14/2013 12:41:08 AM
We got married by the JOP, at the courthouse.

If I a got a do over and knowing what I know now.

I would arrange for the JOP to show up in my parent's backyard without them knowing about it.

I would invite all the people that would have been invited to a wedding, to a picnic.

I would order pizza, beer, sodas and port-a-pottys.

only my husband and I would know what was going on.


PeaNut 154,643
June 2004
Posts: 1,108
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Loc: Melbourne Australia

Posted: 3/14/2013 1:02:48 AM
I'd still have the big wedding.

I've never been a real girlie girl, and certainly never grew up thinking about weddings. funnily enough I've always loved houses, and used to plan those when I little.

My Dad thought I'd just want a BBQ in the garden, so I think I surprised him when I said I wanted the big church wedding.

My parents paid for most of it ( it wasn't a burden for them financially) but my dh and I paid for my dress, the bridesmaid dresses, the suit hire and the flowers.

I loved having my hair and makeup done and wearing the big dress, and having all my friends and family together at a beautiful old house for the reception, an historic homestead I have loved since I was a little girl.

The only thing I would change is inviting some of the in-laws friends who we never met, and who we have never seen since, but HAD to be invited.

I wish my grandpa had been able to come to the reception. He came to the church but my Dad and Aunty felt that the reception might be too much for him. I found out later he was sad not to have come. I hope he realized it was because the family thought that was best for him, not that he wasn't invited. I feel terrible now even to think about it.

I've had my wedding, my children are free to do what ever they like with theirs. Get married on the beach, garden, not get married at all, whatever they want. I don't care if they invite my friends or not, its their wedding, not mine. I don't mind what they wear or how they send out their invitations.The only thing I really hope they don't do is elope. I would be really sad to miss their weddings. All I can do is behave myself and hope that they actually want their Dad and I there.

Jenny Lilac
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PeaNut 45,964
August 2002
Posts: 11,736
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Loc: Pioneer Valley, Massachusetts

Posted: 3/14/2013 1:17:22 AM
I would - our wedding was one of the nicest ones I ever attended, and a beautiful start to our marriage. I loved it!


PeaNut 426,561
June 2009
Posts: 470
Layouts: 60
Loc: San Diego, CA

Posted: 3/14/2013 1:37:01 AM
DH and I got married via JOP at the courthouse. We had 10 witnesses (friends/family). The next day we had a small "reception" at our favorite local restaurant with about 35 friends/family.

The only thing I would do differently is hire a professional photographer. We don't have many pictures of either day and the quality isn't the best. I try not to think about it because it makes me sad.



PeaNut 565,497
September 2012
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Loc: Colts Country

Posted: 3/14/2013 2:07:26 AM
Without a doubt! I'm no longer married to my DEXH however we remain friendly.

Our wedding was beautiful! We were married in our local Indian arts museum, on the staircase facing our guests. I entered from above, coming down the staircase to the landing, with my DD giving me away. Our DS was only three months old and in an adorable tux. After we were pronounced we came down the staircase to the strains of a Star Wars toon. While I was being bustled, our guests watched a video montage set to music, of the four of us through the years.
Oh the bittersweet memories.

Santa, for Christmas this year all I ask for is a big fat bank account and a skinny body. Please don't mix the up the two like you did last year.

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PeaNut 302,707
March 2007
Posts: 4,922
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Loc: california

Posted: 3/14/2013 2:14:22 AM
My wedding was fabulous. We had the best time with all our friends. I put the whole thing together in 6 weeks, cut corners where ever I could as I paid for it. But we had the best best time
So yes, I'd do it again and I wouldn't change a thing

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