Any tips of helping child through best friend moving? (teenager)
Post ReplyPost New TopicPosted 4/4/2013 by Luvnlifelady in NSBR Board
 

Luvnlifelady
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 289,166
December 2006
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Posted: 4/4/2013 10:47:45 PM
16 yo DD has a best friend that texted to see if she could come over tonight. She needs to tell her something and doesn't want to do it at school. I asked if she's moving and she said it's along those lines (her dad works overseas and the family has wanted to reunite for awhile).

Ugh! DD has had trouble making friends. She has a bunch of acquaintances but this girl is her band buddy, Color Guard, etc. They already talked about walking in together for graduation and being each other's maid of honors (I realize they can still do that part).

DD is going to be crushed. She called me in tears at work a few months ago when she thought her friend wasn't doing band anymore. Any tips for how to get her through this?

I'm good friends with the mom so this is sad for me too.

Hopefully with skype and Facebook, it'll be a little easier but still not the same.



Tanya2
BucketHead

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Posted: 4/4/2013 11:02:56 PM
I don't know that I necessarily have tips to help her cope - but I did want to post about my own experiences with this. My dd's best friend moved to a different town about 30 minutes away when they were both in grade 4. Thanks to the magic of the internet they skype & FaceTime & all the time, every day in fact. Over spring break they would watch movies together on their laptops over facetime. They're both 13 now, starting high school in the fall, and while they don't get to hang out every day they are still really good friends, and try to see each other in person at least every other month for sleepovers at one of the houses.

I moved schools too when I was in the middle of grade 9 - over christmas. About the same distance as mentioned above. It was a horrible time to have to switch schools (and I swore I would never do it to my own kids & never have). My best friend at the time & I had a tough time with it, talking on the phone every night after school for the first while. We did grow apart somewhat, each of us moving on with new groups of friends, but we are still friends now, 30 years later. There was no internet back then obviously so it was a bit more work to stay in touch, but we still see each other frequently, we were in each other's weddings, I know her group of friends & she knows mine, and we go away together for a weekend every year. Actually, her youngest son & my oldest are now best friends - and they go to different schools too.

So point I'm getting at here - it won't be easy, they'll both have to make an effort - but moving doesn't end a friendship. It just puts miles between it.




freecharlie
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September 2003
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Posted: 4/4/2013 11:39:08 PM
My best friend moved when I was 15 and she was 16 at the beginning of my Sophomore year and it sucked. I missed her terribly. But life keeps going and you push through.

I still consider her one of my best friends 20 years later. We don't hang out and we don't talk daily or even monthly, but when we do we are still BFFs. Facebook has made it even easier.


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Idahopea
AncestralPea

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Posted: 4/5/2013 1:56:53 AM
My teen dd has a friend on the other side of the world (the other girl moved away about 5 years ago) and it has been really good for dd to have a friend that is away. When there is girl drama at school, she still has a great friend to vent to, talk to, etc. The hardest part is the time difference. They mostly talk when it is early in the morning here. Technology is amazing these days and really helps people to stay connected.

Basket1lady
AncestralPea

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Posted: 4/5/2013 6:52:51 AM
Yep, it's going to be hard. Yes, the Internet is wonderful to keep up in each others lives, but it's not the same as having someone to sit with at lunch or a band event.

I would quietly watch my DD from the sidelines and see if there is another girl that seems nice and who needs a friend. Sometimes the quieter kids only see the popular kids that they want to make friends with , when in reality the personalities wouldn't mesh. And there are perfectly nice kids who are too shy to reach out and make a new bestie.

DD didn't have any of her friends in her confirmation class. I saw that there was another girl who always sat alone and was always polite. I suggested that DD sit by her and try to get to know the other girl. Sure enough, that other girl didn't have any of her friends in the class, either. They are now great friends and look forward to class every week so that they can see each other. It could be that your DD will meet someone new or a new girl will move to the school and need a friend.

In the meantime, it will be hard. Really hard. But she's old enough to use social media to keep in touch. Heck, my DD Facetimes with her best friend daily, and they live a block apart.

My best friend lives on the other side of the country. We've known each other for almost 15 years, but haven't lived near each other for 10 years. FaceTime, email, texting, and phone calls all help. And we try to get together at least once a year for a girls weekend. It's doable.


Michelle
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