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Posted 7/15/2013 by bostonheart in NSBR Board
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bostonheart
PeaFixture

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:32:37 PM
My brother and his wife have daughters and are expecting their first son. I am anti routine infant circumcision and I want to broach the subject with them. Has anyone in my position done that with friends or family? My point of view would be, I know that *I* have no rights to decisions regarding this child's circumcision but that they don't either. To me "personal" choice means that the owner of the penis gets to decide.

I have a good relationship with them and don't want to cause any rifts. Any advice on broaching the subject?

FWIW I am not an advice giver and have never forced my views regarding things like this on anyone ever and only give my opinion when asked in regards to other people's children but I feel sooooo sooooo strongly against infant circumcision and I've been really worried about my future nephew since I heard he was a he and fear that my brother and sister in law will have him circumcised without giving it a lot of thought.


****UPDATE****

I had typed this on my phone before and since I have had trouble updating threads in the past I didn't want to accidentally delete anything....so it's on page 10 and here now.


So I ended up talking to my SIL over the phone about it earlier. We had been having a long chat about lots of other stuff and I ended up saying "can I talk to you about a personal thing about the baby boy?" And she said "circumcision? Yeah I wanted to talk to you about it cause we are undecided."

Now, I'm sharing this because I think that there are some of you who genuinely want an update but I also know that since it did not go the way all the peas predicted that some/most won't believe anything I write anyway.

We discussed it for about 10 minutes and her position like a lot of women was to defer to her husband, my brother since he is a man. She said she hadn't looked into it but that my brother wasn't adamant either way. I told her my only concern with my intact son was that a medical professional would try to forcibly retract him. I gave her some info on the functions of the foreskin, some info on how it's done etc. she said "definitely talk to brother because since he is circumcised I don't think he knows any of this."

I told her I had asked "some people" about bringing it up with her and that they (you peas) thought that she'd be mad at me for talking about it and it would ruin our relationship" she said "what?! No, you're just sharing information." I reiterated several times that I knew this was not my child or my decision. We agreed to chat about it again before the baby was born (December.)

So there you have it.

And regarding my hand slap. I thought since I received 10 pages of slaps I could get perhaps one.

valincal
True North Strong and Free

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:33:46 PM
MYOB.





OCLittleFlower
BucketHead

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:34:35 PM
I think if you word it the way you did in this post, they will likely be offended.

Personally, I would not discuss someone else's child's genitals -- even though my husband and I are not inclined to circumcise a son.


Cupcake ipsum dolor sit.

scrappower
Allons-y Alonso

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:34:35 PM
FFS leave it alone. That is not your business at all.



eebud
Doxie Pea Mom

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:35:11 PM
This is none of your business. You can make the decisions for your kids and they can make the decision for theirs.





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Pink Mochas
Not here to discuss politics or religion!

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:35:20 PM

MYOB.


Yup




Annabella
Leads a Charmed Life

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:35:48 PM
none of your business




brandy_m
H.P(ea) Show-off

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:35:56 PM
Yep, MYOB


Brandy
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justmebymyself
BucketHead

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:36:15 PM
MYOB



Lumo
Carolina dorkburger

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:37:03 PM
Holy crap, I can't even think how it would enter your mind that it's okay to bring this up.


Any advice on broaching the subject?


You don't. The end.


---
Kelly


brandy_m
H.P(ea) Show-off

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:37:16 PM
Yep, MYOB.

I'd have been highly pissed if my husband's sister thought she could tell me what to do with my child.


Brandy
mama to Andy, Kenny and Katie


Sarah*H
Bring me that horizon!

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:37:24 PM
Please don't.



*sprout*
The Jolly Green Giant's Favorite Pea

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:37:54 PM

FWIW I am not an advice giver and have never forced my views regarding things like this on anyone ever
I wouldn't start now!

only give my opinion when asked in regards to other people's children
You gave yourself great advice right here. Try to follow it!!


*Kelli*

gar
Whoopea!

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:37:58 PM
Absolutely *not* a subject up for discussion.






Today, I will be colouring outside the lines.


Dazeepetals
PeaFixture

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:38:49 PM
As a pregnant woman with a boy due in 9 weeks, if you approached me to discuss your opinion on a controversial subject such as this, it would most definitely cause a rift in our relationship. If I want someone's opinion on a topic which I know causes huge emotions to come into the topic, I'll ask. As others have said MYOB!


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jcrsmom
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:39:00 PM
That is their choice.

*maureen*
Bad Wolf

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:39:15 PM

Any advice on broaching the subject?


Invite them over for dinner, make sure you have lots of charts, statistics and visual aides.

ilovebuble
PeaFixture

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:39:29 PM
Is this just a cheap attempt at opening up a circumcision debate on the board?

MYOB.

busypea
boring + nerdy

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:39:56 PM
We did not circumsize our son and I am not a fan of the procedure for non-religious reasons.

That said, mind your own business. I wouldn't have appreciated sometime trying to convince us we were making a bad choice, and thus wouldn't foist my opinions on someone else.

peaname
AncestralPea

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:40:05 PM
I think they will make their own decision regardless of how you feel and it's not worth damaging your relationship.

Because, if your opinion about their son's foreskin mattered to them they would have already asked.


"People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
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clee321
It is always easier to edit than it is to create

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:40:44 PM

As a pregnant woman with a boy due in 9 weeks, if you approached me to discuss your opinion on a controversial subject such as this, it would most definitely cause a rift in our relationship. If I want someone's opinion on a topic which I know causes huge emotions to come into the topic, I'll ask. As others have said MYOB!


This is so much nicer than my first thought was.

I think your heart is in the right place, because you care so much about this topic, but this isn't your baby/decision, so as hard as it will be, wait till they ask for your opinion on this before you share it.




lucyg819
pearl-clutching nitpicker

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:40:50 PM
OMG. MYOB, and I'd say the same thing if the situation were reversed, and you wanted to preach to them about the advantages of circumcision.


LUCYG
northern california

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts."
--Bertrand Russell



freecharlie
What happens in NSBR, stays in NSBR

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:40:54 PM
Holy crap, you really think this is your business????

Stay out of it!


Tribbey: I believe, as long as Justice Dreifort is intolerant toward gays, lesbians, blacks, unions, women, poor people, and the first, fourth, fifth, and ninth amendments, I will remain intolerant toward him! [to Ainsley] Nice meeting you

bostonheart
PeaFixture

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:40:57 PM
Alrighty then. I hope they don't do it. It's such a horrible practice.

GrinningCat
Proudly Canadian

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:41:56 PM
What do you think gives you the right to insert yourself into their personal family decisions? Why do you think your opinion would make any difference to them?

In other words, keep your trap shut and out of their business.

froggy one
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:42:42 PM
If I was brother and SIL I would think you were being nosey. Just because you don't think it is right doesn't make your opinion more valuable. It is a personal decision. FTR my dad was not circumcized until his 40's because of problems. It was quite painful.


Karen

TinaFB
the lunatics have taken over the asylum

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:43:05 PM
"Let's talk about your baby's penis for a minute. . ."


Tina


scrappin mama
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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:43:46 PM
I have no idea why you would think it's ok to do this, but please don't.

Turtlek0re
PeaAddict

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:44:06 PM
Being a pregnant woman, I would be highly offended, and a bit pissed off, if you were to try and convince me what is best for *MY* child. I am the parent, I make the decisions.

Keep your nose where it belongs, and out of their business.


Ashley

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Dazeepetals
PeaFixture

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:44:52 PM

Alrighty then. I hope they don't do it. It's such a horrible practice.


That's your opinion and if you continue to have that sort of attitude around them after he's born and they DO circumsize are you going to treat the child with less love and devotion because they did something "You" don't approve of?


One Doctor of Pharmacy trying to Make Cancer History



cdnstorelady
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:44:55 PM
Alrighty then. I hope they don't do it. It's such a horrible practice.
____________________________________________________

I totally agree with you, and with every poster above who says butt out.

Unless you have good reason to believe these people may be making this decision completely on a whim... without any concern for their child's best interest...and have given it no real thought whatsoever..... I'd butt out....

stittsygirl
I AM SHER LOCKED

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:45:44 PM


Alrighty then. I hope they don't do it. It's such a horrible practice.



Again, your opinion.



Kristen, lucky mom and proud retired Army wife!




KikiPEA
Pea, Glorious Pea

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:45:59 PM
Not your place.




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singlewitch
PeaFixture

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:46:01 PM
Wow, that is so none of your business.


Rosie
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justbecause
Useless Information

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:46:12 PM
MYOB. Bite your tongue. It's their child, not yours. If they ask you, then you may give your opinion. Otherwise, STFU.



AngieM76
AncestralPea

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:46:39 PM
Definitely not your business to offer your opinion on this.


Angela










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schizo319
...And now it's time for a breakdown

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:46:54 PM

I am anti routine infant circumcision


Then don't have YOUR infant routinely circumcised. What your brother and SIL decide to do with the advice of thier pediatrician is none of your business.



utmr
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:47:03 PM

Invite them over for dinner, make sure you have lots of charts, statistics and visual aides.

And pictures. Big color pictures. Post some to their Facebook too. Pregnant ladies like that a lot. Come back and tell us how it went.

Or, FFS, just myob.

beachgirl55
PeaAddict

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:47:06 PM
I agree, MYOB. This is of no concern to you. I don't even know why you would consider forcing your opinion on them.

Ann

SockMonkey
LibrariaNerd

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:47:32 PM
STAY OUT OF IT.


Darkangel090260
PeaFixture

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:49:54 PM
From someone who just had her son circumcised. It is not that big of deal, he did not make a sound when they did it and keeping it clean is so much easier. Plus I have a very strong feeling about men not being circumcised. To me it's just nasty and they can not keep it as clean.

MYOB


I have quite a few learing disabilitys that effect my spelling a grammer. I do know my grammer and spelling suck. I have been working on this problem all my adult life.

bostonheart
PeaFixture

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:50:08 PM
I definitely don't want to get into it with the peas. I think of it more as my beliefs rather than opinion. I just truly believe parents shouldn't have it done and I care deeply for my nephew to be and don't want him to go through something I view as so horrible.

I think I want to become an "intactivist" but I don't know where to start.

I think I'll just ask my brother if he'd be open to talking about it with me and if he says no, then no.

caroscraps
7 Sweetpeas for me

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:50:22 PM
You would hold it against them if they decided what is best for THEIR son? Maybe dad is circed and they want THEIR child to look like him, the DAD.

Sorry but this not a subject you need to bring up to them, especially how strongly you feel about it. I would be pissed if I were the SIL.


<>< <>< <><
****************************************************
********************************************










Sarah*H
Bring me that horizon!

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:54:04 PM

I think I'll just ask my brother if he'd be open to talking about it with me and if he says no, then no.


You don't seem to be picking up on how socially tone deaf this is. The peas are unanimous about it. The peas are NEVER unanimous.



busypea
boring + nerdy

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:54:10 PM

I definitely don't want to get into it with the peas. I think of it more as my beliefs rather than opinion. I just truly believe parents shouldn't have it done and I care deeply for my nephew to be and don't want him to go through something I view as so horrible.

The fact of the matter is... they clearly don't view it as so horrible. If you are willing to risk your relationship with them - and by extension, with your nephew - so you can espouse your opinion (which, by the way, has a 0.00043% chance of changing their mind and a 97.28% chance of alienating them), well, go right ahead.

Just realize this is almost assuredly not going to go the way you want it to. Hope right-fighting is worth it.

Christine58
pea'rific teacher Union President

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:55:26 PM
KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT...none of your business



Some people only dream of angels, I have held one in my arms.





GrinningCat
Proudly Canadian

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July 2002
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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:55:43 PM

I think I'll just ask my brother if he'd be open to talking about it with me and if he says no, then no.
The Peas are unanimous and yet you still want to bring it up? Seriously, how rare is it for this board to agree on something? Doesn't that tell you how bad of an idea this is?

You don't want it done, but it's not your business. Back off. Don't talk to your brother about it, don't hold it against them, just drop it.

*maureen*
Bad Wolf

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Posted: 7/15/2013 12:58:21 PM

I think I'll just ask my brother if he'd be open to talking about it with me and if he says no, then no.


Awesome, be sure to report back and let us know what happened.

peaname
AncestralPea

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Posted: 7/15/2013 1:00:34 PM
I was on the fence with Our third son and I asked urologists at work, my sister, my friends, etc.

If they want your opinion they will ask you.


"People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
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busypea
boring + nerdy

PeaNut 52,817
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Posted: 7/15/2013 1:00:53 PM
Hoow you would have felt if your brother came to you while you and your DH were waiting for your children and said he believes adoption is so wrong and so dangerous for the children and you should not go through with it because there could be so many problems in the future?

Would you have appreciated that input?
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