13 year old girls are no fun

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Posted 7/31/2013 by jeremysgirl in NSBR Board
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jeremysgirl
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Posted: 7/31/2013 1:22:51 PM
So a couple of weeks ago, I check my debit card and there is a charge for itunes. I don't have itunes. I go to the bank thinking that my debit card has been compromised, dispute the charge and get a new debit card. So I check the bank and sure enough there's another charge for $1.29 from itunes. I have SO go to the bank today because now I'm thinking it's his card that was compromised because I just got a new one. Nope, he has them check and the charge was made on my new card. Finally, my 13 year old dd admits she went into my wallet, got my card and charged itunes on it. Grounded for two weeks. I just can't believe she would help herself to my wallet to do this and then watch me go through all the trouble of getting a new card and everything thinking it had been compromised. I'm seriously not going to survive 13.

Free~Bird
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Posted: 7/31/2013 1:28:23 PM
10 to 15 year old girls, almost insufferable.
Make it so not worth trying that again mom.


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jrenae
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Posted: 7/31/2013 1:29:19 PM

My husband had to do some stuff to his Tunes account so dd couldn't just click "buy" from her ipod. Of course she had a fit that we made it so it wasn't so easy.

Oh, and she turns 13 next week.

I feel your pain.


...Jill


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KikiNichole

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Posted: 7/31/2013 1:29:45 PM
It's God's way of making it easier to say goodbye when they leave for college.



~Kristen~

Sharna_G
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Posted: 7/31/2013 1:30:19 PM
AND she knew you thought your card had been compromised?? I would've grounded her just for allowing me to go through all of that!!


~~Sharna
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Gagemom
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Posted: 7/31/2013 1:31:34 PM
Yeahhhh, been there done that. Lies suck. My son went through that phase. He's 16. It's not just a girl thing. It's better now but good grief did that suck! I'm sorry you are going through it. I have no good advice. We just white knuckled through it. Hang in there!



Original pea #460>


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MergeLeft
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Posted: 7/31/2013 1:32:49 PM
I so feel your pain.

I wrote out a paragraph detailing the ways in which my tween-age daughters have caused me grief just in the past week, and then got depressed just reading it, so I deleted.

So just - I know what you're going through. May we all survive the next ten years!

Free~Bird
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Posted: 7/31/2013 1:35:33 PM

It's God's way of making it easier to say goodbye when they leave for college.


Yes!! I've been saying that for years. It makes it easier to kick the little bird out of the nest when they're kind of an asshole. LOL.

I'm pretty sure I'd have been buried in the back yard if I'd stole money from my mom, or god forbid my DAD.

I remember when my youngest was around 10 and my older was 14, I remember the younger saying "mommy, I promise I will NEVER act like that."

Guess what... he lied.


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jeremysgirl
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Posted: 7/31/2013 1:38:24 PM

It's God's way of making it easier to say goodbye when they leave for college.


If the current trend of disrespect and mouthiness continues until college I just might hang myself.

twinjocks
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Posted: 7/31/2013 1:40:07 PM
Mine is 19 tomorrow and still no fun.

Sigh.

Julie

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Posted: 7/31/2013 1:41:15 PM

It's God's way of making it easier to say goodbye when they leave for college.



If the current trend of disrespect and mouthiness continues until college I just might hang myself.


I'm with you there. I've been so close at slapping her mouth when she does that. Luckily, taking things from her like her iPod gives her the message, even though we have to hear the crying and wailing.


...Jill


My blog on life, art and whatever! Go to " Unseasonably Warm " at unseasonably.blogspot.com



"I know God doesn't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much." -- Mother Teresa

liasmommy2000
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Posted: 7/31/2013 1:43:30 PM
Am I naive, in that I never even would have thought of doing that when a teen or that my dd might ever try that?

OMG, I would be so angry too. Good luck with that. My dd is usually really good about asking if she can buy something on her phone/Nook, but there have been a couple of times where I will tell her she can buy a few books/songs and give her dollar limit and then find out she went over by a couple of dollars.


Laurie

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stampbooker
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Posted: 7/31/2013 1:46:37 PM
I hate threads like this.

Julie


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Posted: 7/31/2013 1:49:58 PM

It's God's way of making it easier to say goodbye when they leave for college.



That! When DD was 13, a friend told us that when they turn 25 they become human again. DD is now 25, a college graduate with a good job - and is human again! There were many days I didn't think I'd survive the teen years though.




Finally, my 13 year old dd admits she went into my wallet, got my card and charged itunes on it. Grounded for two weeks. I just can't believe she would help herself to my wallet to do this and then watch me go through all the trouble of getting a new card and everything thinking it had been compromised.


You are kinder than I would have been. There would have been 2 weeks for the iTunes charge and at least that (or more) for watching you go through the hassles to change cards! Not to mention that my silver & copper would be the shiniest in town when she got done cleaning them!


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KikiNichole

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Posted: 7/31/2013 1:54:05 PM

Yes!! I've been saying that for years. It makes it easier to kick the little bird out of the nest when they're kind of an asshole. LOL.


I remember when my oldest graduated and was leaving for college. We had a multi-girl Open House sort of thing with three of her best friends. The other mothers were all crying and sniffling and tearing up and crying some more and I was like...what is wrong with me? Why don't I feel that way?

I mean, I was nervous and melancholy. But I was NOT sad. And I felt bad about that for 2.5 seconds. I love my child, but she was not easy to live with...and once she went away to college, we were finally able to become friends.

Now I have a 17 year old boy and he is the polar opposite of his older sister. He's easy going, a peace keeper, no drama. He is my sanity before the second girl hits teenage years.


~Kristen~

KikiNichole

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Posted: 7/31/2013 1:55:38 PM

I hate threads like this.


Why is that?


~Kristen~

jeremysgirl
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Posted: 7/31/2013 2:06:14 PM
Well I just told her that she has to give up her phone and you would think I was killing her so I think the punishment is effective.

Oliquig
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Posted: 7/31/2013 2:10:26 PM
Dude. For that offence my niece would see nothing but the empty walls of her bedroom for a month.

She most likely wouldn't do something like that, her "crimes" of choice are geared towards laziness with a side of cover-up with a lie.

Still super annoying.

Good luck with what I'm sure will be a fun filled two weeks of joy for you to deal with!


-Rachel

I just don't see why people think I'm too patronizing (that means I treat them as if they were stupid.)



Simply_Lovely
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Posted: 7/31/2013 2:13:42 PM
My mother would have skinned me alive if I did that. The concept would not even go through my head!!

Threads like these make question wanting to have children.




Meow!

stampbooker
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Posted: 7/31/2013 2:14:13 PM

Why is that?


I suppose it is just hyperbole and I should just roll my eyes and move on.

I just disagree with the concept that the teens years are horrible and teen girls are insufferable. I don't think it has to be that way at all. But I guess it is accepted as necessary in our culture that teens should rebel and break away.

Julie

jeremysgirl
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Posted: 7/31/2013 2:18:45 PM
Well, Julie, I'm hoping this is just a phase and my sweet, thoughtful girl will come back sometime soon. But clearly she has been replaced at least temporarily by something that is selfish, thoughtless, emotional, and mouthy. She was't always like this. I've raised her better than that and I'm still fighting this recent trend. She's definitely testing my boundaries these days.

*Paget*
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Posted: 7/31/2013 2:20:01 PM

Why is that?


I suppose it is just hyperbole and I should just roll my eyes and move on.

I just disagree with the concept that the teens years are horrible and teen girls are insufferable. I don't think it has to be that way at all. But I guess it is accepted as necessary in our culture that teens should rebel and break away.


I'm with you, Julie. I get that it's people venting but I hate how the peas act like teens just ARE this way. They aren't always and it bugs me to read that. My youngest dd was 13 a week ago (14 now) and she IS fun! I also have a 19 and 17 year old dds so I have been through it. But we honestly didn't have the drama and issues that the peas insist is normal with teen girls.

MergeLeft
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Posted: 7/31/2013 2:27:11 PM

I just disagree with the concept that the teens years are horrible and teen girls are insufferable. I don't think it has to be that way at all.


And what would you recommend as the antidote? How do we keep our teens from becoming "insufferable" at times?



KikiNichole

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Posted: 7/31/2013 2:30:53 PM
Well, sorry ladies. For me, it WAS that way.

I had a teen who was a straight A student, a driven athlete and a dedicated employee. EVERYONE loved her. But at home? She was a nightmare. What she couldn't say to everyone else, she saved for us.

Every single day was a battle. And it wasn't only on her...it was on me too. She was my first and every experience was the first. I hadn't really learned the idea of choosing my battles until we were half way through the war. But it was what it was.

She didn't rob liquor stores or wreak havoc in public or drink and drive or get herself arrested...but when her car would pull into the driveway at the end of the day, my blood pressure would sky rocket because I never know what I was going to get.

We went through some rough boy drama and there were just times I did not like her very much. I always loved her and I always stood by her...and today she is a college graduate teaching middle school English and a head coach basketball coach...but it's not hyperbole when I say she nearly drove me out of my mind getting her there.

If you haven't experienced it, that is so wonderful. Really it is. I know, because I have the boy version of pretty perfect, as far as hormonal teens go. He's loving and respectful and when things start to get heated between us, he knows when to stop while it was his sister's goal to push every button she could before moving on. And the level of drama that was there with his sister, doesn't seem to be there with him.

They're all my children and I'd lay down my life for every one of them. And, of course, it doesn't HAVE to be that way, you're right. But sometimes it just is. And if you can't joke about it, you will lose your ever loving mind over it.


~Kristen~

stampbooker
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Posted: 7/31/2013 2:42:52 PM
The antidote for our family was to raise our children in a counter-cultural way that steered our children away from peer dependence. However, I realize that not is not something that will work for most. If you want different results from the norm you have to do things differently than the norm.

But I do think that our expectations set the standard. If we expect the twos to be terrible, they will be and if we expect the teen years to be rocky they probably will be.

I always expected to have great teens who were a pleasure to be with...and that's the experience I have had as of yet. (My oldest 3 are 18yos, 16yod, and 13yos).

I certainly don't want to come across as "holier than thou" although, I'm sure many will take me that way anyway. But to me threads like this set the expectation in others and just make a vicious cycle.

Julie


*Paget*
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Posted: 7/31/2013 2:49:19 PM

And if you can't joke about it, you will lose your ever loving mind over it.



I totally get that. I guess my objection is just the attitude that "that's how it is." Sometimes it IS how it is but not *always*. I wouldn't have cared if people phrased it about their dd but the peas like to lump all teen girls as behaving that way and it just isn't true.

It reminds me of the husband bashing threads when people act like that is the way men behave and some peas will stick up for men and say, no, not ALL men. I guess I'm just trying to stick up for some teen girls. Carry on peas and feel better! No matter what your teen is like there are some tough moments in motherhood for sure.

UkSue
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Posted: 7/31/2013 2:50:38 PM
Last year my 11 year old son- that cute looking bundle of mischief in my avatar- used TWO of my cards to make multiple purchases of software which he had delivered straight to his Wii and DS. He attempted 19 purchases and managed 7. I thought I was going to burst a blood vessel , but luckily the bank gave him a very strict talking to, asked me whether I wanted to call the police ( obviously they had no such intent) and he hasn't done anything ( that I know about!) since.

I made him delete everything he bought- which I found really galling but I really couldn't condone what he had done by allowing him to play the games, no matter it being such a waste.


It's not the passage of time that heals. It's what you do with that time.

WorkingClassDog
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Posted: 7/31/2013 2:52:39 PM

It's God's way of making it easier to say goodbye when they leave for college.


AMEN sista!! I have a 17 ds going into the Air Force in less than a month. Some days make me want to PULL my ever freaking hair out!! He is driving me up the wall. Pity the officer that is going to deal with him. heehee...

I 'am' sad he is leaving.. sometimes. maybe.



MergeLeft
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Posted: 7/31/2013 2:52:50 PM
Or, stampbooker, it could be that you got lucky. It's so easy to attribute all the things that go well in our lives to our own actions instead of conceding that there is an element of chance. It's so easy to assume that others, who have different results, must be doing something wrong. And in some cases it may indeed be good parenting or bad parenting, but if there's one thing I've learned in parenting so far, it's the humility to say that in some respects, I have great kids who are just awesome because I got lucky, not because I parented differently than the next person. And I would hope others would also have the humility to realize that where my kids have failings, they may have them just because that's how they are, and not because of some parenting choice I made.

stampbooker
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Posted: 7/31/2013 2:53:13 PM

but it's not hyperbole when I say she nearly drove me out of my mind getting her there.



I didn't mean that anyone's personal experience was hyperbole, but that the idea that "all teens are insufferable" was hyperbole.

Julie

Christine58
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Posted: 7/31/2013 2:54:18 PM
I'd march her butt into the bank, have her tell them it was HER and I HOPE she is repaying what she charged. I'd also change the itunes/Apple password so she cannot do it again. She needs more than grounding considering it was a lie to the bank that your card had been compromised.

She'd be MORE than grounded.



Some people only dream of angels, I have held one in my arms.





KikiNichole

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Posted: 7/31/2013 2:59:17 PM

I wouldn't have cared if people phrased it about their dd but the peas like to lump all teen girls as behaving that way and it just isn't true.



Oh, I get it. Kinda like the way all teen boys are sexual predators.

Honestly, though...I think we're all just looking for a connection. Because more of us than not have struggled with the teen years and we need to find a camaraderie in that and that's how these things start.

I don't think any of us parent with the idea that our children are going to fall into a typical category or behave a certain way because we've heard other people's stories. In fact, I think probably more often than not we go into parenting with this idea that certain things are NEVER going to happen to us. LOL!

But really. And while I'm pretty confident in my parenting I'm not boasting perfection. I did a lot of things right...more than I did wrong...but just as the failures don't solely belong to me, neither do the successes.

So, yes. I think you can go into parenting with a certain antidote in mind but it takes as much of the child as it does the parent. I'm not going to get so busy patting myself on the back with the result that I ignore the idea that there was more than one personality in the equation.

And I'm certainly not going to admonish others for experiences I haven't had myself. With regard to my own parenting, I look at the good like this: it's half good planning and half good luck.


~Kristen~

KikiNichole

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Posted: 7/31/2013 3:01:10 PM
Or I could have just agreed with Merge.


~Kristen~

jeremysgirl
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Posted: 7/31/2013 3:02:23 PM

I'd also change the itunes/Apple password so she cannot do it again.


This is so totally going to happen. She'll be working off the charges with housework.

stampbooker
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Posted: 7/31/2013 3:07:23 PM

Or, stampbooker, it could be that you got lucky.


Yeah, could be, I am a great believer in luck. The harder I work the more luck I have.

The thing is, that I made a decision when my kids were babies...maybe even before they were born that 2's didn't have to be terrible and teen years didn't have to be rebellious. And I set out to make my expectations a reality. I didn't want the same outcome that I saw others have so did things differently to have a different outcome.

I get the venting, I just don't think it is right to perpetuate the idea that the teen years have to be horrible.


Julie

ETA: I apologize in advance for coming across as obnoxious!

jeremysgirl
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Posted: 7/31/2013 3:09:03 PM

And in some cases it may indeed be good parenting or bad parenting, but if there's one thing I've learned in parenting so far, it's the humility to say that in some respects, I have great kids who are just awesome because I got lucky, not because I parented differently than the next person


Exactly. And this child is giving me fits lately, but she's not all bad. She's got a good sense of humor and she gets good grades. She does her chores for the most part without complaining. But she's been difficult lately and I'm frustrated.

KikiNichole

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Posted: 7/31/2013 3:12:42 PM

The harder I work the more luck I have.


Oh. That's sweet. But you're right. I'm sure you don't mean to sound holier than thou. No, not at all.

But it's cool. I'm amazingly proud of the woman that came from the girl who drove me crazy. It was a crazy ride, for sure...but I learned, there are sometimes assets to an attitude.


~Kristen~

stampbooker
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Posted: 7/31/2013 3:22:18 PM

But you're right. I'm sure you don't mean to sound holier than thou. No, not at all.



Honestly, I really don't. But if you had a plan for something and worked hard to achieve it, how would it make you feel if someone told you it was "luck"?

Like I said earlier, I should have just rolled my eyes and moved on. I'll do better next time.

Julie

UkSue
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Posted: 7/31/2013 3:27:06 PM
I had my first child 7-10 years later than most of my friends. Seeing the experiences of my friends with their teenage daughters years before we hit that milestone, I fully expected ructions with my DD but never experienced any.

I have worked with literally hundreds or maybe even thousands of families over the last 30 years, and I observed many different experiences in those families with teenagers. Sometimes the families I thought would sail trough it went through hell with their teens, and vice versa.So I have to disagree with you stampbooker, and say I do see an element of luck. I think the old nature/nurture debate comes in here!


It's not the passage of time that heals. It's what you do with that time.

Sharna_G
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Posted: 7/31/2013 3:30:30 PM

I didn't want the same outcome that I saw others have so did things differently to have a different outcome.




Like??

(And I don't have a dog in this fight yet. My little girl is 3. I'm genuinely curious and wondering if I can skip the Terrible Teens, too!)


~~Sharna
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"Shhh... Let me call my attorney"






KikiNichole

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Posted: 7/31/2013 3:31:00 PM

But if you had a plan for something and worked hard to achieve it, how would it make you feel if someone told you it was "luck"?


No one said it was all luck. Not at all. I take nothing away from your hard work. But you also imply that your hard work impeded any luck at all.

What I am saying is that it takes a combination of both the parent and the child to make the greatest outcome. And we got that...because we BOTH worked hard. I stuck with it, laying the foundation, never gave up and she perservered through some of her own mistakes and some of mine too.

My point is, you can't PLAN for everything...and to say you can is just naive to me. You're plan may have worked just as you pictured it because you were 'lucky' to not run into some of the same roadblocks.

We were rocking and rolling right along until my daughter met a boy who happened to become a bigger influence on her decision making than we did...at least for a time. Love took over. I didn't have a plan because I didn't anticipate anything like it. And I had to feel my way through it because I had no experience with it.

So yeah, it sounds a little bit condescending to eyeroll and back pat your way through someone else's life. Kudos to you for having the perfect plan, the perfect circumstances to implement it and the perfect children to live it out.


~Kristen~

sues
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Posted: 7/31/2013 3:44:21 PM

Or, stampbooker, it could be that you got lucky. It's so easy to attribute all the things that go well in our lives to our own actions instead of conceding that there is an element of chance. It's so easy to assume that others, who have different results, must be doing something wrong. And in some cases it may indeed be good parenting or bad parenting, but if there's one thing I've learned in parenting so far, it's the humility to say that in some respects, I have great kids who are just awesome because I got lucky, not because I parented differently than the next person. And I would hope others would also have the humility to realize that where my kids have failings, they may have them just because that's how they are, and not because of some parenting choice I made.
ITA.

Jeez Louise, weren't we all the BEST parents before we had kids? Didn't we all plan to have a great experience, different from the masses? I don't know anyone that resigns themselves to the 'terrible twos' and horrors of the teenage years.
There's something to be said for hoping for the best, while being prepared for the worst. There's a reason certain ages have reputations. The lure if independence will cause friction in the best of parent/child relationships. It doesn't mean you didn't parent well or plan well. It means your kid is growing up and pushing boundaries. Some kids will try to steamroll the boundaries. Some kids will give them a nudge to see what happens. Different kids, different actions.

Some results are due to the hard work of parenting and making difficult choices. But the bulk of it? It's the individual kid. That's why parents produce such wildly different beings when they parent them in the same way.

I'm always amused when people are quick to pat themselves on the back for being a great parent and getting it all right. Kids have a way of surprising even the most diligent mother/father. No one comes away unscathed.

peasful1
Needs a New Pea Title

PeaNut 44,870
August 2002
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Posted: 7/31/2013 3:46:41 PM
My 14 year old DD is very fun! Teen years are full of growing pains (for all involved) but they are far out-weighed by the positive, don't you think?







------------------------------------
"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself." -- Wayne Dyer


jrenae
Doing strange things in the name of Art

PeaNut 94,583
July 2003
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Posted: 7/31/2013 3:51:15 PM


I totally get that. I guess my objection is just the attitude that "that's how it is."


But what if it is "how it is"?

Why don't let those with difficult teens do their venting and also relish in the good moments.

My dd is a pain in the butt, but we have our good moments too.

I love that she is respectful and sweet at school and with her church leaders. I love that she isn't one of those disrespectful kids I as a teacher sometimes encountered. But the stuff she saves for us at home for us can be pretty crazy most of the time. So yes, when someone else is going through something similar, I hope they are helped to know they are not alone in their struggles. *I know I am grateful to know I'm not alone.

Boom. Done.


...Jill


My blog on life, art and whatever! Go to " Unseasonably Warm " at unseasonably.blogspot.com



"I know God doesn't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much." -- Mother Teresa

maallen
StuckOnPeas

PeaNut 289,617
January 2007
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Posted: 7/31/2013 4:03:46 PM
[ I think we should start a weekly thread for parents of teens. We can commiserate, vent and share positive stories to give others hope!!

I was asking our dentist to get on my son's case about brushing better. He's 13. She said that when her sons turned 13, something came and sucked their brains out and hasn't returned them yet.

Thought for the iTunes... what about a gift card for her to use (once she is ungrounded and proves herself again?) Even if she buys it herself so that she has it to buy tunes with???


Ever get the feeling your stuff strutted off without you?

Free~Bird
'Cause I'm as free as a bird now

PeaNut 104,551
September 2003
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Posted: 7/31/2013 4:08:16 PM
I've seen parents who raised their children the "proper" way with love, stern but not abusive, etc etc and still ended up raising an utter piece of crap of a human being... by LUCK. So I'd say there's just as much "luck" having a great kid as there is having not so great one. You know it takes an upper and a lower to make an average right?


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My paintings on etsy:
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jrenae
Doing strange things in the name of Art

PeaNut 94,583
July 2003
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Loc: "Oh, here go hell come" AZ

Posted: 7/31/2013 4:09:21 PM

I was asking our dentist to get on my son's case about brushing better. He's 13. She said that when her sons turned 13, something came and sucked their brains out and hasn't returned them yet.


How could she?! That's no negative!



But I do like how she described that. It is what happens to a lot teens!


...Jill


My blog on life, art and whatever! Go to " Unseasonably Warm " at unseasonably.blogspot.com



"I know God doesn't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much." -- Mother Teresa

pretzels
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 479,777
August 2010
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Posted: 7/31/2013 4:25:27 PM
The hardest part about parenting a teen is how much you can love someone and...dislike, dread being around someone?...at the same time.

My DD is just 11, but I have a 14-year-old DS. He is absolutely the sweetest boy. Honestly, anything he does to drive us crazy is not out of malice. He doesn't have a mean bone in his body.

But the disorganization, messiness, clueless way in which he walks around is very frustrating. He may not be knocking over liquor stores, but some days I wonder how he's going to live his life once he's an adult.

gar
Whoopea!

PeaNut 172,235
October 2004
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Posted: 7/31/2013 5:12:39 PM

Or, stampbooker, it could be that you got lucky.


It could easily be that in part couldn't it? I doubt any parent gets it 100% right or 100% wrong. 2 of your kids are still pretty young with some teen years ahead so (and don't think I'm wishing it on you at all) there's still time for unexpected situations and challenges to present themselves, things that could come completely out of the blue and throw you a curved ball, however well you think you have it covered.

Lets be honest we can never say how things would have been if we'd had each others kids in each other's situations.








Today, I will be colouring outside the lines.


papersilly
Don't let the dreamkillers get me

PeaNut 109,681
October 2003
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Posted: 7/31/2013 5:19:36 PM
whew...so glad to see it wasn't a grown man that started this thread.


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