Reading the "Crop Nightmare Stories" thread - I'm literally LOL and wondering.....

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Posted 8/4/2013 by TracieClaiborne in General Scrappin'
 

TracieClaiborne
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Posted: 8/4/2013 1:22:14 AM
why in the world people don't speak up for themselves when someone else acts crazy at a crop?

Okay, here are some examples...

One person went to a crop where kids were playing a game and screaming curse words - instead of saying something, they just left. I would have said to the Mom of those kids - "We can't crop while your kids are screaming curse words - guess we'll go!"

Lots of people were made to feel uncomfortable and yet they said nothing and just left and these were crops they paid for.

Someone said they were at a crop with round tables and it was full and two of the gals invited their friends to come and sit and then these ladies had to scrapbook on the floor or on their lap. I would have stopped them and said, "Um, wait just a minute...this is not going to work."

If I go to a crop and someone acts crazy - I say something!! I say it in a nice way and probably even laugh like I'm being funny but they know I'm serious.

I'm wondering - in other parts of your life - do you just avoid confrontation at all cost? I'm just amazed at the stories of these crops and for the most part - no one stood up for themselves!!

It's a great thread though. Totally worth wasting a couple hours on....
Crop Nightmare Stories

and PS: it's fun to see profile pics of faces that have been here since the thread was started in 2007.

Darkchami
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Posted: 8/4/2013 3:21:02 AM
I generally avoid confrontation at all cost in public situations. Just the thought of it stresses me out. My face turns red, I get nauseated, and I start to cry. Trust me, I am not a crier. So I have to decide if the confrontation is truly worth it for me.

That being said, I have no problem with confrontation with the people I love. I speak my mind knowing that tomorrow things will blow over.

Oh, and if someone really makes me angry all bets are off. At that point I turn into the Hulk. (Okay, not really, but I will give you a dressing down that you will never forget.) That has only happened 3 times in my life. I just don't get angry that easily.


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LindaBabe54
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Posted: 8/4/2013 6:35:02 AM
I would speak up too, but then - I don't worry if someone doesn't like where I stand. I have a friend who would rather die than risk upsetting someone. She would NEVER say anything.

Scrapn Nana
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Posted: 8/4/2013 6:39:02 AM
I think a lot depends on the situation, who is running the crop, or who is the nightmare of the crop.

Sometimes a person has to pick their battles, and not everyone knows how to speak up in a way that can get the point across without being offensive. If the crop is run by a friend or someone you interact with regularly, it would be hard to say anything.

However, I have a dear friend who is just non-confrontational, no matter what. Sometimes it has driven me crazy, because I wish she would speak up, but I understand why she can't. She lived in an abusive marriage and finally got the courage to leave, and she now lives with her parents, where the situation is emotionally abusive, but she hasn't had the money to get a place of her own. She picks her battles very, very carefully because of her history of being abused.

Also, we live in a day when sometimes people seem to go berserk over stupid things. If you don't know someone, you don't know how they will react. Sometimes it might be wiser to just leave quietly.

I'm sure there may be other reasons why some people just leave a nightmare crop and lose their money, too. These are a few that I can think of. The only cropping I do these days is with a friend during daytime hours at the LSS, and it's free to crop if we each spend $5. I know the owner pretty well. It's quiet, comfortable, and we have made friends with other scrappers who come on the days we tend to go. No nightmares about it. But if there were a situation arise that made it very uncomfortable, we would probably pack up and leave with a quiet word to the owner on our way out. My scrapping friend (different friend from the one who has been abused) isn't the confrontational type, and I wouldn't want to make things more unpleasant for her.


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Posted: 8/4/2013 7:47:31 AM
I try but most times the offender is just not going to acknowlege the problem. Case in point, a few of us were at the local public playground. A couple of women showed up and one kept apoligizing about her son playing rough and was confused about the difference between playing with the boys and playing with the girls. Frankly he was doing fine. Her son found a bit of rope to play with. Not a big deal. He was doing fine. Until he was tied up a childs hands and dragged the child around. i was up in a heartbeat and told him to knock it off and give the rope to his mom.

The problem really was his mom. She kept going on how he could not play that way with girls and that we didn't want to play with him. (we didnt say dont play with us, just stop and give the rope to your mom) she would not acknowlege that the actions were a problem. according to her the problem was that the other child was a girl!

LADY! Get a clue! He shouldn 't be playing that way with anyone!!! No tying up people and dragging them around! No wonder he was confused. She would not back down about it not being ok in any circumstances. It was just a boy being a boy. The boy looked confused and embarressed. She actually took the rope and said very loudly , I'll put this away for later and packed it in her bag.

I still am wondering what kind of rough house "boy" games they play at home? Im sure sometime later i will see her on the news tearfully saying how "she "" ( the victum) egged her son on or how the kids were just playing with the gun and who would have thought it would go off. I feel so sorry for that boy.

marycain
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Posted: 8/4/2013 7:53:09 AM
I don't avoid confrontation in my private life, but I don't seek it out either. I spend most of my work day dealing with the results of people's conflicts, and just don't have the energy after work to really care about confronting anyone over something I would consider fairly unimportant in the grand scheme of things.

For the big things, absolutely. Someone hurting a person or an animal, you can bet I'll get involved. Someone needing help, no question. Some obnoxious kids yelling and cursing - not worth it to me when I can just leave. My peace of mind matters more to me than whatever money I might have paid for a crop.


Also, we live in a day when sometimes people seem to go berserk over stupid things. If you don't know someone, you don't know how they will react. Sometimes it might be wiser to just leave quietly.


And this too. I've worked in the criminal justice system for over twenty years, and seen situations where people were shot, stabbed, assaulted, or even killed because of arguments that started over something completely mundane and trivial.

You really never know how people are going to react to being confronted; and what you perceive as being assertive and speaking up for yourself, other people may see as aggressive or threatening. Just because you're dealing with primarily women in what should be a safe environment doesn't mean someone won't react negatively, or even physically.

For me, unless the results of the confrontation are worth the potential for escalating the situation, it's not worth it. I've seen too many confrontations escalate out of control and end badly for everyone involved.

MotherofJackals
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Posted: 8/4/2013 9:02:24 AM
I there are a lot of factors that keep people silent. When it comes down to it most of us don't want to start trouble and don't want to be in the middle of drama IRL. I think that is one reason things get so heated here. I think many times people take out their anger at people IRL on posters here.



I still am wondering what kind of rough house "boy" games they play at home?


Ones that train you to be a serial killer?

fitandscrappymomma
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Posted: 8/4/2013 9:30:30 AM
No problem here! ESPECIALLY if I paid for the crop!

NativeNewYorker
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Posted: 8/4/2013 9:51:47 AM
I can have a very sharp tongue, so I work on controlling it. Also, some people are batcrap crazy. Did you see recent news footage of this "lady" fighting (literally pummeling) another woman while said pummeler was holding her child? Did I mention this was in Chuck E. Cheese??? You honestly don't know how people will react sometimes.


Staci
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Posted: 8/4/2013 11:54:43 AM
IMHO it's often not a matter of being unwilling to "speak up for themselves" to the offender, rather recognizing it likely would be ineffective & not make a difference. In your first example: If a scrapper had witnessed consistently unruly children without reprimand, the parent obviously did not find this public behavior inappropriate. She had already demonstrated a lack of concern about the opinion, comfort, or cost of her fellow croppers. Why bother?

In all your examples, the offender was not the person whom you paid for the crop. I suggest voicing your discomfort/disappointment to the employee/manager/owner & let them handle the problem!

TracieClaiborne
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Posted: 8/4/2013 11:57:49 AM

I think many times people take out their anger at people IRL on posters here.


I agree with that for sure! I know most of the meanies here don't talk to people that way in person - they'd get smacked down if they did.

Maybe it depends on where you live too. I would be more mad if I left a crop I had paid for because they didn't have their crap together or made me move into the hall or a kid took over the table - I would absolutely just tell them. I mean, we're all adults - you don't have to say it in a mean way but people need to know they did not meet your expectations if it's something you paid for. I think if more people would speak up, maybe some people would get a clue instead of just blindly going through life deluded. LOL

But I'm pretty picky about where I will crop because I do like to avoid these situations. That thread is a RIOT!

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Posted: 8/4/2013 1:28:30 PM
"IMHO it's often not a matter of being unwilling to "speak up for themselves" to the offender, rather recognizing it likely would be ineffective & not make a difference. In your first example: If a scrapper had witnessed consistently unruly children without reprimand, the parent obviously did not find this public behavior inappropriate. She had already demonstrated a lack of concern about the opinion, comfort, or cost of her fellow croppers. Why bother? "


This is what I think too.
Also, the thing is... Why did the store not do anything? Unless it was in a home... In which case, why didn't the host do anything?
I don't really think it should be in the croppers, but rather the person or store hosting the crop
The people paid, and if the host wants repeat customers, they take care if stuff like that.
If I were hosting the crop in my home, a church hall or at a store, the kids wouldn't have been allowed to stay.
A good host/hostess does what they can to make their guests comfortable the whole time and doesn't get too bury to notice


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aerynkelly13
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Posted: 8/4/2013 1:47:11 PM
Being that I value my money, and I don't have anyone IRL that I have to impress, yeah, I'd say something. I'm not going to just sit there and be good while someone else is an ass for no reason. Your kid is annoying and you weren't supposed to bring kids? I'm complaining to the event coordinator, if that's YOU, I'm getting my money back. Plain and simple. I don't value my alone time, I don't need time away from work to create, but if I take the time to haul my sick butt out of my house and make a go of being social with other scrapbook people I'm certainly not going to let one person talking about their c-section or screaming about Jesus (as cited in that thread) ruin my time out. I'm going to say or do something.

It's never going to be ME that's causing that kind of problem either. I may be all up for defending myself, but my music will be on headphones, I'll be in my own space, I'll talk when spoken to, I'll keep my drinks away from people, I'll bring food everyone can eat, and I'll have showered before I left the house. I may be a bitch, but at least I'm a civilised one.


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TracieClaiborne
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Posted: 8/4/2013 3:12:40 PM

I may be a bitch, but at least I'm a civilised one.

That made me literally laugh out loud.


Simply_Lovely
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Posted: 8/4/2013 5:02:47 PM

"IMHO it's often not a matter of being unwilling to "speak up for themselves" to the offender, rather recognizing it likely would be ineffective & not make a difference. In your first example: If a scrapper had witnessed consistently unruly children without reprimand, the parent obviously did not find this public behavior inappropriate. She had already demonstrated a lack of concern about the opinion, comfort, or cost of her fellow croppers. Why bother? "


That's my opinion too. If you are a grown woman and behave in an offensive way or let your kids behave that way, then you are beyond help. And it's likely you're batshit crazy too, because normal people do not behave that way. So why would I want myself to get involved with crazy? I don't have time for that so I'd leave.

But if it's a matter of a person doing something they may not realize is annoying, then I'd say something. People may not realize they are singing along with their headphones, or that you are not in the mood to talk or listen to their opinions on your layouts. In that case, I'd politely say something. But if you're screaming about Jesus to me, then obviously anything short of me changing water into wine will not shut you up, so why even bother. Let Jesus or the crop hostess handle that.




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TXDancermom
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Posted: 8/4/2013 7:55:46 PM
for me it would depend on the situation - if there was someone in charge, I might complain to them if someone was behaving badly. If they were trying to push me out of my space I will push back - and I did once - kept pushing someones stuff back into her space.




aerynkelly13
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Posted: 8/4/2013 8:46:18 PM

" I may be a bitch, but at least I'm a civilised one. '


That made me literally laugh out loud.


((tips hat)) Hey, I own it. The way I act online is *exactly* how I act IRL. I'm the same person, and that person doesn't take crap, but nor will I give it unduly or go out of my way to be rude. I'll tell it like it is, but I won't make a scene or cause a rucus if there's no reason for it.


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jessamazing
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Posted: 8/4/2013 9:10:49 PM
I rarely go to crops outside our LSS, so with me it's the fact that I see the same people regularly at store crops. If I create an awkward situation or explosive situation, it has the potential to ruin things for all eternity. It's sometimes easier to just put on headphones, or make up an excuse to leave.

That being said, I suspect that I've been the source of discomfort or annoyance for people at crops before and after reading that thread, I've been working to be respectful of everyone and more quiet when I speak. (My close friends and I see each other regularly at the store; we met through our LSS and it's a nice reunion when we meet up to crop. Sometimes we can lose track of the fact that others are there who are not interested in our conversations and sometimes we can get a little giddy.)

If someone were to speak up to me about it, I would be mortified and feel paranoid that everyone wanted me to leave... even if the person were polite about it. It would be tough to swallow that I was "that" scrapper.

I don't know that there's any kind of win-win in those situations. Add in the fact, in these crazy times, that another person could easily deduce which vehicle is yours and cause harm, or that the deranged individual would know where you are and could come back to the crop to cause physical harm... like other posters said, you really don't know people these days.



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TracieClaiborne
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Posted: 8/5/2013 12:17:09 AM

If someone were to speak up to me about it, I would be mortified and feel paranoid that everyone wanted me to leave... even if the person were polite about it. It would be tough to swallow that I was "that" scrapper.

I'm not really talking about someone annoying you. You would have to read that thread but these are HORROR STORIES about people paying for crops and then just the craziest things happen and sometimes they even leave crying but rarely did they ever tell the host or person who was horrible to them.

You'd have to probably be reading that thread to even understand my post.

miominmio
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Posted: 8/5/2013 12:45:21 AM
Most of the time I'm kind and soft-spoken, and things don't irritate me easily, but 3 days a month oh my! If I encounter someone rude, pushy etc then, I will turn into a fire-breathing from h3ll. It hasn't yet happened on a crop, but then, I don't have any real horror-stories to tell.

miominmio
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Posted: 8/5/2013 12:46:50 AM
Jezzamazing: you really should read that thread, it's one of the best on this board ever (at least in my four years here).

MerryMom937
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Posted: 8/5/2013 7:17:09 AM
People who engage in rude, uncivilized, or narcissistic behavior generally do not see it in themselves even when pointed out.

They are generally quite skilled at flipping it so that it appears that you are the one with the problem.

I generally speak up for myself regarding egregeous or unsafe behavior, but run of the mill rudeness? It all depends.
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