Waiting up to hear if my dad passes away tonight.........

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Posted 10/26/2013 by BergdorfBlonde in NSBR Board
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BergdorfBlonde
Getting blonder every day

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Posted: 10/26/2013 1:23:52 AM
My dad has been ill for a long time and has been in the hospital since May. His health has been rapidly declining, but no doctor deemed him as terminal as of yet. Still, he's shrinking, losing weight and his organs are shutting down, one by one. He's 82. He's had 4 heart attacks and a few strokes while there. He has a pacemaker. His liver is almost non-functional. There are so many more details but the doctors and staff continually give my mom and sisters hope that he'll get better (although never go home). What a long and arduous road for the whole family.

He did better today and even had some tubes taken out, and when my mom got home tonight, she got the call that he went into cardiac arrest and they paddled him (he's had a DNR that she has recinded a few times since his care was barbaric when it was in place). They asked if she'd want him paddled/saved again. What a tough decision. She doesn't want him prodded and used as a pin cushion anymore but she wants him saved if he could be saved.

My mom was in a coma 3 years ago and beat all odds and is alive, which is a miracle. Praying she remains strong. Now I'm just waiting to hear if he passes tonight. Sounds like he's at the end. Thankfully I made it to NY to visit him for a week but I'm still wishing I could be there with my mom and sisters right now. Just praying for a peaceful end if that's what is happening tonight. I'd appreciate any prayers or good thoughts.

My parents celebrated their 60th anniversary in the hospital. My dad's eyes dart around the hospital room, searching for my mom. Their love is inspirational. He still finds such comfort with her just being close to him. I just don't want him to be scared.









cropduster
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Posted: 10/26/2013 1:27:13 AM
(((Hugs))) That is so hard! Praying for comfort and peace for your dad, you and your family.


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BergdorfBlonde
Getting blonder every day

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Posted: 10/26/2013 1:28:25 AM
Thank you so much, cropduster. It helps.









gar
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Posted: 10/26/2013 1:28:44 AM
I'll be thinking of you....






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BergdorfBlonde
Getting blonder every day

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Posted: 10/26/2013 1:29:44 AM
Thank you, gar. Your support is heartwarming.









MontanaCowgirl
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Posted: 10/26/2013 1:37:21 AM
I'm so sorry. I'll be thinking of you and praying that your father passes peacefully too. ((((hugs)))Bergdorf.


Stephi

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BergdorfBlonde
Getting blonder every day

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Posted: 10/26/2013 1:42:28 AM
Thank you so much Stefi. It means a lot to me.









Luvnlifelady
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Posted: 10/26/2013 1:48:44 AM
What a difficult spot to be in. On one hand, you hope he pulls through and on the other, you hope he has a peaceful passing. I can relate. My dad suffered through 2 years of battling lung cancer.

I was busy with a toddler and pregnant, so I wasn't kept in the loop as some of my other siblings. Some would tell me hopeful news, while the one with nursing experience would tell me the what I later learned was the truth...I didn't know who to believe at times.

He was also very much in love with my mom until he passed.

I hope whatever is to be happens for your dad quickly. Try to get some sleep.



BergdorfBlonde
Getting blonder every day

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Posted: 10/26/2013 1:54:13 AM
Luvnlife: Your post put me in tears. I guess I'm raw right now. You're right--I should get sleep, but I dread that phonecall that wakes me up. My thoughts are with my mom right now and I wish I could be there with her, but she has my other 4 sisters by her side + my brother + my dad's brother (a prominent surgeon in CA), so they're all in good hands. Still, I miss my mommy and want to be near my daddy right now. It's tough. THIS is why I hate living so far away!

We'll see what tomorrow brings. Grateful right now for the little things and I pray he's not scared or in pain.









AussieMeg
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Posted: 10/26/2013 2:15:47 AM
Thinking of you and your family. It must be so hard being far away, I'm glad you got to spend a week with your dad. It warms my heart what you wrote about him finding such comfort with your mum being there.

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PeaNut

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Posted: 10/26/2013 2:44:42 AM
Thinking of you and your family tonight. Can you text one of your siblings to see if they are awake to chat? Many hugs and prayers!

Lisa Risser
Lisa Risser

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Posted: 10/26/2013 3:46:20 AM
Up late unable to sleep. My heart breaks for you--prayers for your family tonight and in the days ahead.


~~Lisa

seasonscraps
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 10/26/2013 3:46:48 AM
I am so very sorry. All of you will be in my thoughts and prayers.


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*KelleeM*
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Posted: 10/26/2013 5:25:58 AM
I'm so sorry. My parents missed their 60th anniversary by about 7 weeks. My Mom passed away peacefully, with no tubes or IVs...it was so sad to watch my Dad let her go. I pray your Dad's passing is peaceful. ((((((Hugs))))))





Jili
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Posted: 10/26/2013 5:53:40 AM
I'm so sorry. Lots of prayers and good wishes headed your way.


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scrappin jen
PeaAddict

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Posted: 10/26/2013 5:59:45 AM
(Hugs) think of you and praying for comfort and peace for all of you. I am so glad you spent time visiting him and glad you have those extra memories to carry with you.

Peabay
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Posted: 10/26/2013 6:03:04 AM
Hoping for peace and comfort for all of you.



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StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 10/26/2013 6:33:34 AM
(((hugs)))

I am so sorry you & your family must go through this.

Prayers and positive thoughts directed to you and all you love today.



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Laurel Jean
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Posted: 10/26/2013 6:33:56 AM
((Hugs)) Keeping you and your family in my thoughts. Take care.

UpNorth Scrapper
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Posted: 10/26/2013 7:35:22 AM
I remember those long hours waiting for my mil to pass. Seeing my fil was heartbreaking. I'll pray for your family.


Ellen

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Posted: 10/26/2013 7:46:29 AM
Awww - I'm so sorry Bergdorf. (((hugs)))


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peamac
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Posted: 10/26/2013 7:51:45 AM
(((Hugs))) and prayers for you and your family!


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*Leanne*
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Posted: 10/26/2013 8:02:48 AM
Positive thoughts to you!

Leanne



scrappinghappy
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Posted: 10/26/2013 8:06:17 AM
Hugs and I am so sorry you are going through this.

We went through something similar when my Uncle died. It was hard for us as kids but it was awful for my Aunt. We knew his passing was imminent but it was just dragging on and on. We were all so emotionally raw while at the same time life goes on. Your own kids need you.

One of the hospice nurses told my Aunt to give my Uncle permission to go on. It was heartbreaking to listen too but my Uncle blinked at my Aunt, tried to squeeze her hand, took a few more breathes and left. We think he just needed to know she'd be OK.

Praying for a peaceful time for your Dad at this stage and comfort for all of you.


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styxgirl
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Posted: 10/26/2013 8:08:17 AM
Hugs and prayers for your Dad, you and your family.


Nicole

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Posted: 10/26/2013 8:28:22 AM
I am so sorry. It sounds like he has fought the fight.

Mewcat
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Posted: 10/26/2013 9:49:54 AM
[[Hugs]]


~*Melissa*~

mikklynn
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 10/26/2013 9:53:25 AM
I am so sorry. This is a difficult thing to face...hugs.


Lynn



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Posted: 10/26/2013 9:56:52 AM

Oh, BergdorfBlonde, I'm so sorry. It's so hard at a time like this to live far away from your family.

My Dad had a second heart attack at 80 years of age. Because of other health issues he wasn't a candidate for surgery. The doctors give him 4-6 months to live. He died 5 months later.

(((HUGS))) to you. Please know that you're in my thoughts and prayers.



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doesitmatter?
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Posted: 10/26/2013 10:16:08 AM
I'm so sorry. Lifting all if you in prayer and sending hugs.


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wellway
PeaNut

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Posted: 10/26/2013 10:19:02 AM
So sorry, it must be hard to be far away. ((Hugs))

BergdorfBlonde
Getting blonder every day

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Posted: 10/26/2013 10:24:02 AM
Thank you SO much, everyone. No word yet! I'm on "alert" with every sister(and my brother and my uncle), so he's still hanging on....... For those Peas who have been thru it before, yes, it's so hard and draining on the family. I worry about them too!! My mom hasn't gone to her own dr's appts for months. Not good........

He's really hanging on though. My mom should give him "permission" to let go now. I'll gently pass that onto her. Thank you.









merlot1024
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 10/26/2013 11:23:03 AM
I am so sorry. It is terrible to see your parent's health failing. Hugs to you and your family.

BergdorfBlonde
Getting blonder every day

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Posted: 10/26/2013 11:36:07 AM
Thank you so much, Peas. Still awaiting a status..........









scrapmaven
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Posted: 10/26/2013 11:40:49 AM
You're in my thoughts. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Please nap today if you can. You'll be quite busy and grief is exhausting, too. Take care of yourself, so that you can help take care of your mom.


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PeaFixture

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Posted: 10/26/2013 12:06:10 PM
Thinking of you. and your family.


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Gsquaredmom

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Posted: 10/26/2013 12:17:20 PM
I was in your position one year ago now. I am sorry for your experience. It is painful and awful and devastating, but you WILL get through it.

My best to you and your family.

dori-scraps
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Posted: 10/26/2013 1:04:21 PM
Hugs to you and you and your family



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azredhead34
peaintheheat

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Posted: 10/26/2013 1:33:30 PM
hugs and prayers and peace I hope for the very best. The waiting is the worst. I went through this a year or so ago with my mom she went septic and was in big trouble.She pulled through. I hope your dad will be okay however that is!




BergdorfBlonde
Getting blonder every day

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Posted: 10/26/2013 1:57:54 PM
Thank you so much, Peas. Got word that ALL of my siblings are now by his bedside to make decisions and see what happens. Some of them want him transferred to a better hospital, but in order to do that, they have to have him off of most tubes, etc. I don't know if he'll even make the trip. The other half want to just leave him alone. He's been thru too much. My mom doesn't want to feel guilty if she doesn't get him the most help she could get, yet she doesn't want to see him suffer any more. On top of it, I'm here, so far away. I'm grateful that I'm in the loop, every step of the way. I'm thinking I'll be heading to NY any day for the funeral.

Thank you so much for your words and support. He did fight the fight. He was so strong for a man that's 82 and had SO many medical issues against him. I truly believe he fought for more time with my mom, his one and only beloved mate. Having these examples of true love in my family has been nothing short of amazing to me. I will hold him in my heart forever. He's impacted me probably more than any of my siblings.

Thank you again.









BergdorfBlonde
Getting blonder every day

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Posted: 10/26/2013 2:10:39 PM
Thank you so much Elannah. xoxo









jenjie
PEAsed to be here

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Posted: 10/26/2013 2:58:17 PM
{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}


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Gsquaredmom

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Posted: 10/26/2013 3:01:47 PM
My mom doesn't want to feel guilty if she doesn't get him the most help she could get, yet she doesn't want to see him suffer any more.

=======================================

Ask the hospital to bring someone in from hospice or the hospital social worker. Hospice was WONDERFUL at helping my mom to help my dad pass on without feeling badly herself. They were caring, compassionate and understanding, and helped her to see that letting him go was her one last gift to him as his wife.

BergdorfBlonde
Getting blonder every day

PeaNut 162,956
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Posted: 10/26/2013 3:06:36 PM
Thank you, Gsquared. They have palliative (sp???) care talking to them all, trying to make that decision. It's been ups and downs where they were ready to put him in hospice and then he bounced back and actually got out of the ICU. We'll see what happens this time, but it appears to be the end.









gritzi
PeaFixture

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Posted: 10/26/2013 3:26:19 PM
I'm so sorry for what you & your family are going through. Praying for peace.

Barefoot Sister
PeaFixture

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Posted: 10/26/2013 3:28:05 PM
I'm so sorry Bergdorf. We had to make the decision to take my mother off life support, (she had a living will, and we were honoring her wishes). It was a horrible decision to make, but ultimately, we did what she said she wanted. My father passed away about 5 years after that, so I have no parents left.

Sending you all warm positive thoughts and prayers for an easy transition. {{{ hugs }}}


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leftturnonly
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Posted: 10/26/2013 3:28:20 PM
{{{hugs}}}

BTDT more than once.

I'll be thinking about you, too.








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KikiPEA
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Posted: 10/26/2013 3:30:24 PM
Oh, I'm SO sorry. Prayers said for all!




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PeaNut

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Posted: 10/26/2013 3:33:40 PM
Hugs and prayers sent to you and your family. Losing a loved one can be so hard on the whole family. My DF lived in Alabama and I was in Michigan. I remember how it felt not knowing when to go or whether to wait. It's emotionally draining waiting for the call. I feel your pain. I felt some comfort knowing my ds, db, and grandmother were there at the end. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

BergdorfBlonde
Getting blonder every day

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Posted: 10/26/2013 3:36:05 PM
Thank you so much, Peas. This is a life-lesson, that we all have to do our Living Wills and Healthcare Proxy. My dad didn't have any on file (and he's an attorney!), so my Mom was going by the info the doctors gave her. She filed a DNR a few times and then rescinded it when she saw the care he was (or wasn't!!) getting as soon as she put it in. They're all such tough decisions.

Thank you all for your stories and for your support.








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