Do you have a small or large personal space bubble?

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Posted 11/16/2013 by toaojs in NSBR Board
 

toaojs
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Posted: 11/16/2013 1:12:26 AM
It was my DH's work Christmas party and one of his co-workers is a really good friend of ours...great guy. So I was sitting at the table and he came over, pulled a chair up close to me (not touching but definitely close) and just sat there. I really don't mind people being in my personal space so I didn't move. A few minutes later he got all awkward, started laughing and moved his chair away. He had meant to make me feel awkward with being so close but it back fired because I didn't care.

It got me thinking though about other people's personal space. So how are you with people getting in your personal space?


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my3freaks
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Posted: 11/16/2013 1:23:33 AM
I hate when people get in my personal space. If I can feel your breath, you are way to close.

Melanie

froggy one
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 11/16/2013 6:13:01 AM
As long as you don't stink, I don't have a problem.


Karen

voltagain
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Posted: 11/16/2013 6:14:55 AM
My personal space depends on who you are and how I feel about you in general. Someone I know and feel ok about, like you apparently feel about this guy, the space is small. I wouldn't have moved either.

Someone I don't know or don't like the space is bigger.


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MrsDepp
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Posted: 11/16/2013 7:59:13 AM
Exactly what voltagain said

princess_and_the_pea
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Posted: 11/16/2013 8:40:46 AM
For the most part, I don't want anyone in my personal space. My DH or little boy, it's fine, but other than them, I like a little distance.

Grate
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 11/16/2013 9:17:26 AM
small bubble! I do not even like being in an elevator

Eta.... Guess I was thinking this out wrong .. Thinking small tolerance for people next to me so I guess that would make me a large bubble person

Kiwi-Jo
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Posted: 11/16/2013 9:22:33 AM
Definitely a big bubble - I don't like people getting too close to me. I just wish my big bubble had real walls to keep others at a decent distance! Husband and kids are fine, but others? No way.
I wonder if it's to do with being an introvert?




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Fireflyy
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Posted: 11/16/2013 9:24:23 AM
I don't like someone standing in line behind me so close that if I move my purse, I can feel them. Back up!

CMHS
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Posted: 11/16/2013 9:24:53 AM
Unless I am married to you, gave birth to you, or share the same parents with you, my bubble is pretty tiny.

duh -- I should say my bubble is huge. My tolerance is tiny. Not thinking.


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Mallie
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Posted: 11/16/2013 9:29:33 AM
If you don't like people being near you, wouldn't that mean you have a LARGE personal space bubble so as to keep people away?

OSUBuckeyeFan
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Posted: 11/16/2013 9:32:05 AM
I've got a small bubble. I don't mind being too close to people. Unless you have really bad BO




Kiwi-Jo
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Posted: 11/16/2013 9:33:41 AM
Mallie, that is definitely how I read it too. Big bubble means more space between me and the next person.




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*Leanne*
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Posted: 11/16/2013 9:35:19 AM
I need a very large area of personal space ... I'm just like that ...

Leanne



megmc
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Posted: 11/16/2013 10:57:45 AM
I basically have no bubble, but i surely can make you feel very uncomfortable if you get to close to me.

Miss Ang
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Posted: 11/16/2013 11:01:57 AM
It depends. If you are someone I am close to and we greet or leave with a hug; that's fine. I do not like having a conversation with ANYONE when they are so close to me I can feel their breath. I need people (even my husband) to be an arms length away. Unless of course dh and I are hugging, cuddling, snuggled up on the couch, whatever, then being super close is fine. We just don't typically sit down at a table or stand so close to each other that we are not at least an arms length away.

I definitely have a personal space bubble! and if someone enters it, I step back or to the side.


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pennyring
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Posted: 11/16/2013 11:21:31 AM
I think my bubble is normal. It's neither large, nor small. People who deviate from that are the weirdos. Heh.




M in Carolina
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Posted: 11/16/2013 11:27:06 AM
I don't like people in my bubble unless I invited you in. I don't care who you are. I am lovey dovey with my husband, but not all the time. I have hit, kicked, and pushed him away in my sleep...I wake up and feel bad, then get mad he violated my space. We've been together 20 years, he knows how I react to now.

My issue stems from being molested, then dealing with two--I can't even think of a vile enough word for these two pieces of whatever makes pond scum look attractive--they would come up behind me and rub their erect penises on me in front of others.

One I worked with at 15--(I had no idea penises did what they did until this creep) I carried forks in my apron pockets--I'd stab him in the junk with them (the forks were sharper than the knives) until he got the message. He must have liked pain because he kept coming back, and I kept stabbing him, kneeing him in the groin, clothes lining him in the throat. It was like he and his erection were immortal and unkillable. Another guy helped me, but I wanted the satisfaction of beating the life out of that waste of oxygen myself. This was constant abuse. I was so embarrassed I never told my parents. My dad would have killed him by removing his junk with his pinky finger.

The other did it thinking I wouldn't do anything at the Christian camp we were at. Boy was he surprised when I kneed him in the groin, and threatened to break all his fingers while I had him against the air hockey table with his arm twisted behind his back if he ever looked at me again. My daddy taught me how to defend myself.

If you want to make me mad, get in my space. I dare ya. I triple dog dare you. I'm the sweetest most gentle kind person you'd even want to meet unless you threaten me, my husband, my mama or my mama-in-love, a child, or an animal. Then you'll believe there's nothing in hell more furious than a wronged woman.

Idiots who get in my bubble to make me mad will be deflated by my wit. Men who do it will have their balls so busted by my wit they'll be lucky if they ever get another erection. I'll warn you. I hate being objectified or watching it happen to someone else.

I get the difference between being crowded or people who have no manners and stay in my space. You're not going to make me feel threatened or intimidated.



SweetieBugs
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Posted: 11/16/2013 11:28:40 AM
I have a large personal space bubble for anyone short of my husband or children. If I swing my arms fully extended out and hit you, you are too close. I am uncomfortable in large crowds as well.

voltagain
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Posted: 11/16/2013 11:29:52 AM
I think my bubble is normal. It's neither large, nor small. People who deviate from that are the weirdos.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Personal bubbles sizes are very much a learned behavior from the society you are raised in. What is normal in Oklahoma and normal in Naples Italy are two very very different sets of normal!

For strangers my space bubble of comfort is about two arms lengths away. People I know I am still comfortable at an elbow to shoulder distance (I can fold my arm and hold my elbow out)


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Posted: 11/16/2013 11:43:28 AM
In the grocery checkout line, my bubble is very large. Back the heck off people!

Otherwise, I think my bubble would be average.


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Posted: 11/16/2013 11:44:01 AM
Large!!!


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Posted: 11/16/2013 11:47:45 AM
I have a very large bubble - enough so that I finally linked it to a big part of my anxiety at the dentist. They are far too close and for far too long. My previous dentist helped me establish a way to deal with it and my dentist anxiety almost completely disappeared.


Carla




SDeven
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Posted: 11/16/2013 12:25:59 PM
I can't abide people awkwardly in my bubble. I would have moved away. My bubble is essentially the size of a small state.






Gsquaredmom

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Posted: 11/16/2013 1:41:32 PM
Depends on the person and the setting.


Deena714
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Posted: 11/16/2013 1:45:44 PM
I think my bubble is pretty normal sized. I'm not a hugger, but I don't mind standing close to people.


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CreativeEngineer
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Posted: 11/16/2013 2:05:17 PM
Mine is huge! I had a guy not only in my space, but pressing his nasty, sweaty leg against one while sitting on a ferry back to our cruise ship. I finally tapped him in the shoulde rand sparked him to move over (there was plenty of room). He was French and didn't get it and looked kinda ticked. I referred to him as a Space Invader.





freecharlie
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Posted: 11/16/2013 2:09:54 PM
If I like you, the bubble is small. If I don't know you and you don't give me a scary vibe, the bubble is medium. If I don't like you, the bubble is HUGE.


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likescarrots
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Posted: 11/16/2013 2:23:25 PM
Mine is pretty large. I'm not a hugger, even of close friends.

SweetieBugs
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Posted: 11/16/2013 2:40:01 PM

I have a very large bubble - enough so that I finally linked it to a big part of my anxiety at the dentist. They are far too close and for far too long. My previous dentist helped me establish a way to deal with it and my dentist anxiety almost completely disappeared.


That is so funny you mention that. I stopped going to a particular dentist because he actually leans his arms and rests them on the patient's head while doing his work. He would hover his face just mear inches from my own--way closer than any other dentist I've had (and I'd been to at least 8 different ones in my life up to that point). It didn't bother my husband at all but it really bothered me. I'd walk out of there feeling pretty violated and my hair would be a holy mess!!

NativeNewYorker
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Posted: 11/16/2013 2:44:17 PM

My personal space depends on who you are and how I feel about you in general.


I feel the same way.


Staci
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scrapaholicmt
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Posted: 11/16/2013 4:17:21 PM
I don't really have a space bubble. the only time its weird to me is if there is lots of space available and someone is right up in my business. But for waiting in line or being in crowds or small spaces, I don't care. I'm not entitled to any more space than the next guy.


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toaojs
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Posted: 11/16/2013 4:18:15 PM
Hmmm... very interesting!


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PinkShirley
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Posted: 11/16/2013 6:25:14 PM
I think my bubble is normal by US standards.

I work with colleagues from the APJ (Asia/Pacific/Japan) region and their boundaries are MUCH smaller. This is the main reason I can never visit the Far East - people just get too close for my comfort. Since I stand almost six feet tall, I am scared I would hurt someone. When I was in Paris at the Louvre admiring the Mona LIsa, a group of Asian tourists came up and crowded so close and pushed around me they knocked me off balance. I fell over and took about five others with me.

joylynnaroundthebend
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 11/16/2013 6:40:13 PM

If I like you, the bubble is small. If I don't know you and you don't give me a scary vibe, the bubble is medium. If I don't like you, the bubble is HUGE.


Could not have said it better.


Joy







BrandonsMommy
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Posted: 11/16/2013 6:48:46 PM
My bubble is about a size XXL. I DO NOT like people in my personal space! It makes me so uncomfortable, I almost squirm! I've backed up & moved around in super long conversations & sometimes I wonder if the person I'm talking with has noticed that I've moved around so much! I can handle dh & ds close in my space, but not too too close!

I know some people who get so close when talking, I can tell what they had for dinner the night before!

marycain
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Posted: 11/16/2013 7:27:36 PM
I'm claustrophobic, so my "bubble" has more to do with whether I'm feeling closed in or smothered than how well I know someone. In an open or outdoor location, someone being fairly close up doesn't bother me, but in a small or crowded space, it would. I've almost given up on movies because I always end up with people on both sides of me even if the theater is half-empty.

DH has a good friend who is a nice guy, but I cringe mentally whenever I know he is coming over, because he's a "bear hugger". Not the quick arm around your shoulder type hug, but full on grabbing and holding. He's also a big guy, easily a foot and a half taller and two hundred pounds heavier than I am, so I always feel like I'm about to be crushed or smothered. It would hurt his feelings terribly if I said anything to him, but I do wish he would develop a personal space bubble of his own.

SarahYoo
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Posted: 11/16/2013 7:29:39 PM
My bubble is non-existent, unless I don't like you, then it is as large as the moon
I'm not always a hugger, but I don't mind someone being in close proximity to me. I actually find that quite odd, seeing as I have an Introvert personality...


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2peafaithful
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Posted: 11/16/2013 7:33:42 PM
It just depends. I like some personal space but if I feel safe with the person I am OK with them being closer.

Rainy_Day_Woman
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Posted: 11/16/2013 8:40:38 PM
Mine is probably normal. It's neither small nor large. Like others, it depends on who you are, and the social setting.

I have on a few occasions been sitting on a pretty empty bus or subway, and someone comes and sits right next to me. It always makes me wonder why they do it- its always awkward.




benem
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Posted: 11/16/2013 9:30:19 PM
It depends. I am used to being squashed up against people on public transportation. But generally maybe it's a bigger bubble


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Cindyrella
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Posted: 11/16/2013 9:35:13 PM
Mine is huge!! I'm mildly Claustrophobic so I need my space.

maddiesmum
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Posted: 11/16/2013 9:45:21 PM
M in Carolina, why do you always feel the need to bring up your personal business here in response to every damn thread? Also, do you ever stop complaining?


*foo*
PeaFixture

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Posted: 11/16/2013 9:47:06 PM

Why do you always feel the need to bring up your personal business here in response to every damn thread? Also, do you ever stop complaining?


Who are you saying this to? ah, nevermind, I see that you already put that in. I do have to admit to wondering about the long litany of personal history, ailments, etc. on every single response on any given topic.

I think my bubble can depend on how comfortable or familiar I am with someone. Generally, I'd say it's average.


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Pea-T-A-Mom
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Posted: 11/16/2013 10:46:50 PM
Sometimes, there is a very good reason for someone to have an overly large personal space bubble. Sometimes it is not that they are made uncomfortable with closeness because they just don't feel comfortable being next to people because of injuries sustained.

I have had two very traumatic facial injuries as a child, and one as an adult. If you are squeamish about injuries, I suggest you skip the rest of my post

I had a cornea abrasion when I was about six, when I was looking up into a tree for a lost frisbee, and an acorn fell and hit me in the eye. Spent a few weeks wearing an eyepatch

When I was 12, I was in a swimming pool, swimming under water, then coming to the surface for air. My stepsister dove in as I was coming up, knocked me unconscious, knocked my lower jaw up into my front teeth, smashing all 6 upper front teeth loose. And bruised my nose so badly that it looked broken.

I was taken to the emergency room, and with no anesthesia, had my teeth wired into my jaw. My dad was in the waiting room, and though he was an internal medicine MD, he said that mine were the most blood-curdling screams he'd ever heard in his years of being a doctor.

They didn't sedate me since I had lost consciousness after the accident.

When my son was two years old, I was bending down to pick him up, and he jumped up, and his scull hit my jaw so hard that I could not chew solid food for about a year. It was one of the worst TMJ injuries my dentist had ever seen.

So yes, my personal bubble, at least around my FACE, is incredibly large.


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meshelley
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Posted: 11/16/2013 10:48:53 PM
Large, and I especially HATE to be hugged. Which is unfortunate, because my circle of friends is a very huggy bunch.
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